15. How to build productive relationships II

Some people enter our lives and leave almost instantly. Others stay and forge such an impression on our hearts and soul such that we are changed forever.

When you are in a relationship you are either in a positive spiral or a negative spiral. That means you are either in a positive place or negative place. Your ability to check yourself, review the relationship and understand where its going wrong or well makes all difference. A healthy relationship after all is a wealthy relationship.

In this podcast, understand some simple strategies that ensure you enjoy outstanding relationships in both your personal and professional life.

Relationships can be fragile. It doesnt take much for them to go wrong and they can go wrong in a hurry. Usually, it start with what seems like an innocent act by one party, the other retaliates and then one thing leads to another and before anyone knows like snow breaking off a mountain top its an avalanche which is almost impossible to stop. 

What causes relationships that started so well and held so much promise to fall apart?

Its helpful to look at your life and career as a spiral. Sometimes you are on an upward spiral and sometimes you are on a downward spiral. When things are going well with your colleagues, people you lead, your personal relationships, confidence is high and life is rewarding then your relationships are healthy and flourishing.

The opposite of this is the downward spiral. This is when things start to go wrong. A lack of communication occurs, stress increases and life becomes a  constant struggle. Relationships are polarised during the downward struggle.

Lets look at how a downward struggle looks in real life. You fail to deliver a report at work to the quality your manager expects. Your manager presents it to his manager and he gets told off for the poor quality. Your manager resents you but doesn't open up. You don't address it either by apologising. Communication breaks down and you both become defensive. You start communicating by email and the relationship lacks warmth. It descends until you can't work together. Here is another one - you are in business. A customer buys a product and gives you some hard feedback. You don't address it and understand their concerns. The customer feels unappreciated. The orders start to reduce. The one day it stops. Another which is perhaps the most common - marriage. Husband is very busy and works later and leaves early. Money is tough. Communication becomes brief chats and the tension rises. You both find your release in other things. You separate briefly it spirals into a final separation.

When you carefully reflect on what causes relationships in work and life to fall apart you can take steps to fix them and even if you can't fix them you are able to prevent it from happening next time. Awareness is always the first step to progress. You can use this spiral technique to review all your relationships and for those that are going well observe the things you are doing to keep it going and those that are not where it all started to go wrong.