Facing the Fears with Maggie

JOURNAL ENTRY

 30^th June, Friday

“Endless motorways. Endless traffic.
Red lights all the way.
A frightened face and soulful eyes.
I sit on the stairs out of sight; out of the way.

A short drizzle of rain.
The smell of hay in fields.
Sitting as darkness falls,
My arm is licked by a new friend."

[MUSIC]

WELCOME

The twilight is deepening. The moon hangs low in the south, hugging Scorpius on the silver horizon. Itis nearly full, the buck moon.
This is the narrowboat Erica narrowcasting into dark to you wherever you are. 
I am really pleased that you could make it tonight. There's someone here I want you to meet. So come in out of the night-chill, make yourself comfortable and welcome aboard.

[MUSIC]

NEWS FROM THE MOORINGS  

It has been a VERY strange and unexpected week – we are still in the middle of processing it all. Hence this episode will probably also be a little strange and fragmented as the usual prep times have been spent doing other things!

Yesterday, we welcomed aboard a new crew mate, Maggie. She’s a rather timid and fearful two-year old smooth-coated collie that is crossed with a Jack Russel. Imagine a border collie with four stumpy little legs!

If you have been listening to this podcast for a while, you may know that when we moved aboard the Erica, we had Penny (another collie cross – we’re not sure what she was crossed with) with us. She had for a long time been an inseparable part of our lives and she had brought so much richness to us. She also taught me so much and was an intrinsic part of the journey we were both taking, part companion, part guide. When we lost her the April before last, she left a huge hole in both of our lives and we missed her greatly.

We had always said that one day we would look for a new dog to accompany us, but we needed time to work through the grief and loss. It can be emotionally difficult having a new dog. It can feel like a betrayal of love – a replacement that cheapens the older bond. However, as the politician Roy Hattersley once wisely said, the greatest compliment and tribute you can give to a companion dog you have lost is to find a new one. Penny was also that ‘special’ dog who we knew could never be replaced. We were worried that the high bar Penny had set would mean that our expectations would place unfair (and impossible) demands on the new dog, by forever comparing it to her. Therefore, we decided to wait at least a year – to work Penny through the system and then to re-consider how we felt about a new companion here on the Erica.

Well, the year rolled by and we both still felt that we would like to bring a dog into our lives and so in a very informal and casual way began to put out feelers. 

We knew from talking with other boaters that one problem often faced by people not living in houses is that often dog rescue centres are very cautious about letting you adopt from them. What we had not counted on was that the whole process and way of adopting rescue dogs has changed since the pandemic. The main centres insist that the early stages are all done online. We even went to a couple locally. They were very friendly and even accommodating when we told them we lived on a boat. However, we kept being informed that, although we might be able to look at a few dogs, we would not be able to meet any in person and any expression of interest must be done over the internet.

I completely agree that the dog’s well-being should always be prioritised in these matters and fully understand how disruptive and potentially distressing it might be for a dog placed in kennels to be made to meet complete strangers (some of whom – apparently – have no real intention of adopting). Nevertheless, it placed us in a quandary. We were both convinced that one of the reasons why our relationship with Penny worked so well and our mutual bond was so strong was because Penny clicked with us – or at least with Donna. There seemed to be an immediate connection on Penny’s part that Donna could reciprocate. As far as I was concerned, for Penny, I was very much an acquired taste. However, I could see that ‘click’ between Penny and Donna and, for me, that was enough. I can afford to play the ‘long-game’ in these situations.  

However, this new process of adoption meant that there would be no opportunity for this. We were sent digital page loads of dog pictures – each with profiles – and asked to select ones that took our fancy. The exact opposite of what we had been hoping for. As Donna said, it felt too much like choosing a handbag online. It wasn’t what the dog looked like that we cared about, but who the dog was and whether they felt they wanted to live with us.

Moreover, the process meant that you initially submitted your online expression of interest and provided your details. This would then be vetted and considered alongside all the other people who had expressed an interest. The most suitable candidate was then invited in to meet the dog and the whole process could then take a more serious and formal feel. However, here lay the next snag. We had repeatedly been assured that living on a boat was not viewed negatively by the selection team. But this still didn’t feel reassuring when a lot of the information boxes we were asked to fill out simply didn’t apply or we could not fulfil.

Again, I want to re-iterate that this is not a criticism of the staff and those working in these centres. I totally understand why they have adopted these processes and can quite believe that, for the most part, they work better than the old system. However, it becomes a problem when the process is based (initially) on tick boxes and your life does not conform to tick boxes.

This meant that in the Spring of this year we felt we had rather been knocked back a bit. Word among the boaters of local independent rehoming charities gave us a glimmer of hope. However, here again, we kept coming up empty. It wasn’t a problem and confirmed the feeling we both had that the right dog and the right time would come. Gently push at the doors that we came across and just let things flow naturally.

The other week, Dad told us about a narrowboat vlog that he had been watching, The Narrowboat Pirate, in which Heidi, the pirate in question, adopted a little dog from a rescue charity, DD’s Dog Rescue, and gave us the details.       

Last weekend, I got in contact with them, not particularly expecting much response other than to be put on the list, when the admin got back to me almost immediately about a dog, Maggie, that had just come in and I had I seen her. Funnily enough, I had just shown Donna a picture of her as she looked like a smaller version of Penny. To cut a long story short, we had a chat where we learnt a bit more about her and she did, on paper, seem to fit with all the things we needed – bearing in mind towpaths can be busy places filled with other dogs, etc.

And so on Friday we went up to meet Maggie. She had just been taken from the owners – who appear to have done everything that they could in her best interests, but just seemed to be not able to cope with a young dog in a very young family. It is one of those horrible and distressing situations where people try to do the right thing, but they just don’t work out. It also meant that, Maggie, bless her had found herself in the house of a pretty much complete stranger and was then confronted by two new strangers and she was the total centre of everyone’s focus. We also then discovered that she – rather like Penny – has a great fear of tall men. I am not particularly tall, but my build sometimes gives that impression. When I worked with the Traveller Team in schools, one pupil always used to call me Mr Tall! Maggie was clearly scared and a little distressed and then absolutely terrified whenever I tried to approach – at one point growling and baring her teeth.

Nevertheless, it was also clear to both of us, that she was actually a very sensitive and gentle dog who, once the fear was broken through, would make an ideal companion. We had been worried that, from her photograph, she looked a little too like Penny and thus re-awakening fears of continually judging her in Penny’s light rather than letting her develop her own life and ways of doing things. But in person she is very different and a complete individual in her own right. Behind the fear, a little soul and personality was burning brightly.

Things were a little easier with her when I was out of the picture and so Donna took Maggie and Julie, the rescue centre lady, for a walk. By this time, we were both fairly convinced that, if Maggie was ok with it, we were willing to give it a go. The centre has a really great policy of instituting an initial fostering period, where the potential adopter fosters the dog to see if the arrangement works for both parties.

The initial plan for Friday was for us to just come up to initially see her. She would then go back and then in the next couple of weeks come up to collect her. She needs to be spayed sometime before August and paperwork exchanged. However, it was pretty clear that this was just going to prolong a distressing process making it even more traumatic for Maggie, and so it was decided that we took her with us there. Maggie was getting on with Donna much better by now. I could play the long-game again. The problem was fear and I understand what fear can do and how it can be eased. I was happy to be just a presence for the time being.

It was just like a re-run of our experience with Penny! We had been told then that the whole adoption process was going to take at least a month or two, but they were so desperate to home her quickly – she was finding kennel life traumatic and beginning to emotionally close down – that we took her home within a week. This was even quicker. What is more, we had absolutely nothing set up for a dog in the boat. No food, bowls, leads or anything! Fortunately, Julie could give us some equipment and we set off for home.

By the time we reached the boat, there was an obvious bond between her and Donna forming. I was still very much a threat although Maggie was now beginning to look at me and make tentative moves towards me – although still flinching and shrinking away when I was too near her.

She quickly made herself at home on the boat climbing onto the settee and snuggling up to Donna. She even put up with me sharing a corner. Over the evening, she became more relaxed until just before we retired to bed, a little tongue began licking my arm. That was enough. That is all that is needed.

However, since then, Maggie and I have been on a couple of walks, has lots of games of catch – bearded a swan, met lots of friendly dogs, and had many, many, scumpfuls. As Julie texted – ‘I think this is going to work.’ Yes, we do too.

Welcome aboard Maggie, I am so glad you are going to be part of our journey. We have so much still to learn, as you too still have, and we can’t think of anyone better to be our companion in this adventure than you.   

[MUSIC]

CABIN CHAT

SIGNING OFF

This is the narrowboat Erica signing off for the night and wishing you a very restful and peaceful night. Good night.

WEATHER LOG