Ep. 26: Live your Life with Mary Polanco

Bio: Mary Polanco is a retired Air Force Veteran, Author, experienced leadership trainer and curriculum developer. Her expertise in leadership and personal growth is evident through her hands-on approach through individualized workshops and personal one-on-one instruction. 
 
Mary served 23 years in the United States Air Force. Her final assignment was as the Senior Enlisted Advisor to the Air Force Resilience Directorate, at Headquarters Air Force, located at the Pentagon. 
 
She continues her passion for resilience as an Adjunct Trainer for the Resilience Building Leadership Program and also holds a position with Small Business Consulting Corporation, where she serves the Air Force Global Strike Community as a Leadership Development Instructor for first-time supervisors.  
 
Mary draws from her two decades of experience leading multicultural teams, as well as her personal experiences in adversity, to share her message of prioritizing self-health, well-being and resilience. She has helped countless people through her authentic, compassionate approach and continues her dedication to serving others through her outreach on multiple online forums.

Show Notes: 

Intro 00:00 – 01:38

Describing what she does when meeting someone for the first time
01:40 – 03:02 Mary Polanco: Oh my gosh. I have to contain myself because I want to say, I'm living the life I designed. And then of course people would look at me like I'm crazy. But I think my most authentic answer would really have to include that I'm on a mission to share a wellness mission or a wellness vision, excuse me. That's my mission. I'm just, I really want to bring awareness to our own well-being and prioritizing ourself and what that can do to change your life. Like that is just where my passion is pulling me. So what I do though, you know, when it comes down to brass tax, leadership and personal development, that's really what I do. 

Joining the military without a plan and what about the environment that turned her into someone with a clear vision and goal in mind
03:23 – 04:58 Mary Polanco: I think the fact that I got a second chance and when I say that, I mean, I came in completely naive. I remember when my mom sent me off to MEPS and said, whatever you do, don't pick military police. And I was like, whatever. So I go and I go to MEPS and I come back and she's like, what job did you get? I said, security forces. And she goes, what is that? I said, what's the first line of defense for the base, mom and she goes, okay, do you hear yourself? So it didn't start off great. But I think my second chance was given to me when I had the opportunity to cross train because I knew that security forces did not fit my temperament for the long haul. But when they gave me a chance to go into medical, optometry specific, I felt like a new lease on life. And then I just, everything fell into place. I got to take all the things I loved about the Air Force with me, leave all the things that didn't fit and start anew. And that's really when I started to that process. But to answer your specific question, it was when I stepped into PME. When I became an Airman Leadership School and NCOA instructor, that was really when like the floodgates opened to the possibilities of what I could do, what I loved. That was really when it happened.

On her epiphany and AHA moment
05:02 – 06:25 Mary Polanco: I don't know if this is what you're... Please tell me if this isn't what you're asking, yeah I did. This is crazy because you're in training and you're getting ready to step in front of the class for the first time. My trainer, if he watches this, Rich, will understand because he was there beside me. But I was so...unbelievably nervous because I had this lesson plan and ironically enough, it was stress management that I was teaching. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. Yeah. It was so scary. But at the same exact time, I felt like I was home. And I was, the heart palpitations, the nerves, the sweating, but then I felt like, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be doing this and so I think that was, and I paid attention to that feeling because that has really helped me pay more attention to my instincts and intuition as I moved forward in my career. I lost a little bit later on. We'll talk about that. But yeah, I think that was my big aha moment of like, whoa, you can simultaneously be terrified and feel like you're self-actualizing at the same time.

On what Mary Polanco would tell her younger self after the first big life rejection
06:28 – 07:30 Mary Polanco: Oh my goodness. So my, I feel like being a parent is almost like you get to do that question in real life because I talk to my kids all the time. I have a 13 year old daughter and I just, I have to filter the way this present is presented, but I just don't feel like failure exists. I think it's something we've made up so that we could feel less than and trying to fit into societal expectations. I just don't think it is. I think there is a journey and the journey takes you where you're supposed to go and you're going to have to figure things out along the way. When I say figure things out, that's what most of us call failure. That's what I would tell my younger self is that first time you feel like you're failing, just pay attention to what you're supposed to be learning and likely you're going to leapfrog over to what you're supposed to be doing.

The impact waiting for a particular time in our lives to start designing the life we desire can have on someone’s mental and emotional health
07:52 – 10:21 Mary Polanco: Well, I think that we, by doing that, we are delaying an inevitable calling. And it will likely, it could possibly, I won't say likely, it could possibly spiral someone into something very negative. Because there's this, and this is exactly what I, I'm glad you brought that up because this is exactly what I said before when I said maybe we'll talk about that. I had spent probably the last seven years of my career denying myself pretty much everything. I didn't take care of myself. I neglected my wellbeing. I put everyone and everything ahead of me because I felt like that was my badge of honor. That was how I showed I was worth it. I was worthy. And I really didn't want to stop and answer the question, Mary, what do you even want? What is it that you want? Because everybody else had a, and I don't mean everybody else in a specific way. I mean the system had a plan laid out for me. You know, I was a chief by 20 and boy, I had 10 years left, right? So it was an opportunity for me. Now I look back on it. And again, when I don't kind of take those absolutes of negatives, I look back on my severe anxiety and depression as the greatest gift of my life because it was my body telling me to take a knee because I wouldn't listen. And when I did that, I started the work. And I have to tell you, I had no idea where that inner work path would take me. I for sure didn't think it would take me to retirement at 23 years…just what you're asking it, I just delayed what I probably should have started working on a decade ago. And so that's what the impact could be is that you could further neglect yourself and keep yourself hidden from your greatest talents and from your just your greatness in general.

Something specific Mary wishes she started five years ago
10:21 – 11:36 Mary Polanco: So I know you're probably going to be like, all right, this conversation's over. I don't say that anymore. Here's and the reason is I feel it's important to clarify that because I love my journey. I just everything about my journey. So if I were to tell someone else what would you don't do this. Try this, I would say I would really try to quiet, get, sit in the quiet. My goodness is life noisy. And I don't want to speak for anyone else. I can speak for myself and my career being a superintendent, you know, all of the things we do, it was just so noisy. And I never felt like I could catch up. And I think what people need to do and what I would advise someone else is stop. Just stop. Just when you unplug, unplug. Like stop putting your identity and your worth in these external factors. Know that you're enough just being who you are. Know that whatever's meant to be is going to come your way. Stop running yourself into the ground. Take a knee often and preemptively, not when you're burnt out.

If designing the life we desire was easy, what that process would look like
11:58 – 13:56 Mary Polanco: Well, in a perfect world, our employer would create an infrastructure for that to be part of the culture. That it was just not an afterthought, but part of what we do. If you look at, I'll take the Marine Corps, for example, fitness is what they do. It's just, it is no question. You're going to get together and you're going to go work out. So if we did the same thing, the same concept with, if the employers would understand that that actually will pay dividends in the long run and they created an infrastructure to support that that is in a perfect world. We don't live in a perfect world. We live in a world with the bottom line, metrics, do more, do more, do more. And so really, I will tell you, I worked as the chief of resilience, okay? I did everything I could in my power to try to get this message out. But I think there was a moment in that job where I realized, oh my goodness, the message isn't Hey, leaders, I mean, it is, don't get me wrong, but like, I think the impact isn't going to be from, hey, leaders, make sure you create this infrastructure because I'm not sure the system will ever support that. Rather, the message is to each individual person, set your clear boundaries, know who you are, know what you're willing to sacrifice, and that will be a grassroots movement from the bottom up. And then we'll start to see some change because if people band together and say, hey, we're not going to tolerate this, not everything is mission critical because then every you know nothing is and so that that's my perfect world but it but right now given the realism the reality that we're in I would say everybody has to look individually.

When working on a new project, the method used to organize and plan
14:07 – 17:00 Mary Polanco: I feel attacked. Okay, so there's one thing that I took from the military and I love it and I feel like I can't ever do without it and that is Outlook. Like I have the, it's the exact setup. This is the exact setup. I have all my PSTs, like it's the thing that I use. Do you color like different meetings and stuff? 100%, I do. I have and look this is and then I and then after it's in my online outlook, I put it in my actual course. You profiled me. I don't think, you know, we can say separate or retire, but you never really move on, right? Well, especially if you I would say the, what, 20 years of my career, I've had Outlook. And so it's one of those things where I just, I find it, because now I have, both my Gmail's in there and my Outlook. And so I can just boom, one stop. And it's just makes things so easy. I started using Calendly for meetings. And I actually just signed up because I'm creating digital courses. And so I'm like brand new at this whole process. So I've been taking a course on that and I'm yeah. So, I mean, like I just step by step and I try not to bite too much off at once but I'm so excited out here that like I have to tell myself to calm down sometimes.

Movie image that demonstrates a healthy state of mind, who or what comes to mind
18:10 – 21:34 Mary Polanco: …A healthy state of mind, Oh, I'd have to say Rocky. Yeah, I'd have to say Rocky, and specifically Rocky IV, because it's the best one. I know we can get into a debate. They're all great. Okay, let's not go down that road because maybe they're not all great. Rocky 4, I think that there is this, it's not just grit. It's not just, it's just this, it is grit, but it's also, when you know what you have to do and you're being pulled towards it and you know if you don't go towards that, you will regret it for the rest of your life. That is the inner voice and that is the inner mentality that we all should be listening to and a lot of us are not. And Rocky just portrays that so clearly in that movie. And then when he gets there and listen, side note secret, every single PT test I ever took in the Air Force was with the Rocky IV soundtrack, Yes And so, yeah, the No Way Out specifically got me around the bend. But no, I think that's the movie. I just, I love the mentality. Yeah.  Okay, so the title, let me go to who would play. So I have two options, because I feel like they look like me. I've been told they look like me similarly. One would be Heather Graham. I think it's the big eyes and then the other one is Anna Faris. I get that one a lot too. So either one of them. I'd like to see Anna in a more serious role, but my movie would not be, I think it would be like a comedy drama because I don't even know about the drama, but I just, I like to have fun. I think life is supposed to be lived. So live your life. There's the title.

What Mary Polanco is grateful for
22:02 – 22:25 Mary Polanco: First thing I'm grateful for is my awakening. Second thing I'm grateful for is my health. And the third thing I'm grateful for is my love. The love I have surrounding me every single day.

If there was a giant billboard with Mary’s message on it for everyone to see, and let's just pretend that everyone's stuck in rush hour traffic, everyone has to see this billboard on the highway or interstate, and everyone knows it's not Heather Graham coming out with a new movie, everyone knows it's Mary Polanco, but it has her message on it for the world to see, what Mary Polanco’s message would say
22:30 – 23:03 Mary Polanco: That message would say, you first, and then underneath it would say, everything you want to give to the outside world must be given to yourself first.

Positive Shout Outs and where to find Mary Polanco
23:10 Mary Polanco: Oh my gosh, do I have to just pick one? I want to give a shout out to Todd Simmons. Todd Simmons, he epitomizes making a bigger table instead of building a bigger wall and I appreciate him to the depth as I transitioned out of the military. My second shout out would have to be to David Satchel, Satch, his mama calls him Satch, so you gotta call him Satch. He again has been a wonderful friend and mentor along this new journey of mine. And then my third goes to Sarah Sparks, retired chief from the Air Force Academy. She's been a mentor, best friend, sister for 10 years and I love her dearly. Thank you, this was great, really great, really great questions very thought-provoking questions, so I really appreciate that. Thank you.