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When Meghan Sansaba entered young Carly's life, she navigated the complexities of joining a newly blended family with grace and profound consideration. Our latest episode is a heart-to-heart with Meghan, where she candidly shares the intricate steps to building a relationship with Carly and the cooperation necessary to ensure a harmonious transition. Their story is a touching testament to the power of empathy, respect, and the shared goal of a child's happiness in the delicate dance of blending families.
From the early days of cautious introductions to the robust foundation of trust that now supports their co-parenting dynamic, Meghan, along with John, Carly's father, and myself as the biological mother, have crafted a formula for success that is rooted in clear communication and mutual support. This episode peels back the curtain on our own experiences, revealing the emotional landscape of part-time parenting and the challenges of nurturing bonds with both biological and non-biological family members. The conversation is an homage to the collaborative endeavor of raising children amidst complex family ties and the shared dedication to fostering an environment where a child's emotional well-being is paramount.
As we reflect on the rich tapestry of relationships that have shaped Carly's upbringing, we celebrate the profound influence and unique contribution of each family member to her growth. Meghan's story is one of gratitude, recognizing the vital role a step-parent plays in enriching a child's life with additional love and guidance. This episode doesn't just share a narrative; it invites listeners to appreciate the collective effort involved in nurturing a compassionate and well-rounded individual within a blended family setting. Join us for an intimate exploration into the resilience of family bonds and the beauty that emerges from hearts coming together for the sake of a child.
00:00 - Blending Families and Building Relationships
08:07 - Co-Parenting and Building Trust
17:00 - Navigating Co-Parenting Relationships
28:33 - Navigating Communication in Blended Families
47:08 - Appreciating Influence on Daughter's Relationships
Hi, so today we're talking to Megan Sansaba. This is very exciting for me. Megan is Carly's stepmom. She's been in her life since she was three. She also has an almost four-year-old daughter, aubrey, who's Carly's sister. So we're gonna talk a little bit today about how it's been being in each other's lives for gosh over 12 years right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's crazy, I know. I don't even remember life without you, I know I kind of feel the same way yeah.
Speaker 1:I know. So just to kind of get it started, like we can take it back to the beginning a little bit, I know obviously you and John met at work and we had kind of recently split up. So you can kind of talk about how you felt, maybe like any initial reluctance because he had a kid and we had just recently split up?
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And when you say it that way, gosh, it sounds funny. No, I think the thing that for me, I always had felt that our relationship was so different, you know the way that it started. It wasn't like John was like oh I like you, let's go on a date. You know, I knew that obviously your marriage had ended. I knew that he had Carly with you and to me, I just felt so strongly that I was going to be in John's life. That meant that I was going to be a part of Carly and part of you. And so, after multiple conversations and talking about it, because it really was important to me to know everything, I wanted to know about why your marriage had ended. I wanted to know about just the dynamic, the relationship everything about you and your family, john and his Carly all of that was really important to me to know. I think I told Carly that I rejected John. It's not that I necessarily rejected him per se, it's just. Those were all things that like I wasn't going to jump into something because I didn't want to create any chaos. I didn't want to in any way create any or be a part of any conflict and, very specifically, I felt, especially with a child being involved, I never wanted to create or be a part of any trauma for her. And that was really important to me, and so what a lot of people don't know is that our relationship really was low in so many ways, and I think you know he obviously talked to you about me meeting Carly. Yes, you know, and you know what's funny.
Speaker 1:I don't even remember that. Yeah, I don't even remember that and I think, was I reluctant at first.
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't know. I mean, like I don't know the conversation, I know that I, I mean I was not going to meet her unless you were okay with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and I also, if you weren't okay in general I wasn't Truthfully I wouldn't have moved forward with a relationship with John.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Good call Cause you know that's a lot.
Speaker 2:I mean it is, I mean honestly it is. And I, megan, you know me, I don't like conflict. You know I am very I'm an introvert. I like to keep the peace, like. So that was not something that, like, I wanted to be a part of.
Speaker 1:Right and you had never dated anyone with kids or anything, right?
Speaker 2:No, no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So and your parents are married, like you don't have steps of blings or anything like that, right? So that's a lot too, I feel like. How did your parents feel about you? Dating someone that had a kid or your brother Like cause it's just something. You know.
Speaker 2:People get nervous about things like that and I think the thing is is that we didn't really have my family didn't necessarily have a model of someone else to relate that to Right. Surprisingly, my brother was incredibly supportive, super, super supportive. I mean, he is very, you know, just he's probably one of the harder ones in the family in general, but he was, hands down, the most supportive. I do remember my dad saying to me, without knowing everyone, without they hadn't met John yet you know, obviously didn't know you or Carly, and I do remember him saying to me I don't know if this should happen. Yeah, keep in mind, megan, I was in my mid-twenties. You know, I had already lived on my own. I mean, I lived, I had my own apartment, you know. I moved back. I went to school in Florida. You know, after I graduated, stayed there for a while, decided to move home because I wanted to be closer to my family. But you know, to hear my dad say that it was kind of funny. I was like I don't know if you really get that I can just make this decision, yeah. But I think because Patrick was so, my brother was so supportive, I kind of felt at peace with it. I felt like I just I felt like it was going to be okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it's funny, I can and we can talk kind of more about, like, how you felt about my relationship with John's family too. Yeah, but I can remember his parents took me and Carly out shopping like for school clothes or something for her, because they have always been just amazing grandparents to her Like and they've always been so kind to me, even after John and I split up and everything like that. Yeah, but they took us out because they had recently, I think, gone out to dinner with you and John to meet you and I think they wanted to like kind of just like tell me that you were nice. That's what.
Speaker 2:I felt like, oh my goodness, I didn't know this. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So they took us out to dinner and I can remember like being in the Burlington mall and you know how Dave is and he's like you know, like she's really nice and she really like would be great for Carly and like she really cares about Carly. She doesn't she's not trying to like cause any problems or anything like that. And gosh, I was so young. Oh sure, yeah, thinking back on it, you know I'm like I was 25.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:When all this was happening and I was just like okay, like you know, whatever. And then you and I ended up meeting in the Wuburn Target parking lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't. Well, we were supposed to take Carly to a movie, but she had fallen asleep in the car. We decided that we were just going to rip off the band aid. Yeah, and meet in the Target parking lot. Yeah, yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, I remember that very vividly yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think you know it's weird because and obviously now, being a being a step parent and knowing the other path that a relationship like this can take like I never wanted to have a problem with you. Like to me, I was always kind of like, well, if this is who John is like deciding to have in his life, like I have to trust him enough that he wouldn't bring someone who wasn't going to be good for Carly into her life. So I think that's just kind of like the path that I took with it and I think like it's funny to a lot of people because they're like, oh, you just like get along and I'm like, yeah, like we do, like I don't, I don't know, I just never wanted to have a problem with you and I think that's kind of like the route that you took to Well and it was and you know, and I just felt so strongly.
Speaker 2:I mean I never came in, megan, with the idea I never wanted to in any way take away your role as Carly's mother. I never wanted to interfere with that, if anything, I just wanted to support it. You know, I never wanted to be that leading role Happy to be that, you know positive, strong female role model to Carly, but I've always I mean even to this day have turned to you as you're her mom, you know. That doesn't mean that, you know I don't see Carly is my daughter, you know she is mine and I know I can say that to you and you understand that and that's not taking anything away from you. But you know, I think with everything I mean like I'm sure, probably even to a point, it might have been a little much, at point where I would reach out to you and text you, you know, and really run things by you because I wanted to make sure that you were okay with everything as her mother, you know, and it was so important to me that I gained your trust and respect and never wanted to in any way overstep at all or make you feel uncomfortable. That was really important to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think maybe that's why like just thinking back, because it was really a long time ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:I think maybe that is why, like, we've always gotten along, because I never felt like you were like trying to be her mom or anything like that. But for me I felt really happy and really strong about the fact that when she was at John's, that you were there, you know, like that you could braid her hair and that you could, you know, like that you could help get her ready for school, and things like that. Like it made me happy that she did have another mom in the house, because you know from having a young daughter to like it's so hard when there's so little and you're just like okay, I'm not going to see you for the next three days. It's horrible, you know. Like, thinking about it, I'm like I guess I just pushed through at the time I cannot even I, just I yeah. You know, and I think now having another set of young kids because I have Cami and CeCe and that kind of that time is kind of all like a blur to me. But I think now I'm like, oh my God, like I struggled so much with just not always seeing my daughter. I mean, I can remember when you guys, when you guys were going on that cruise, oh gosh, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I was so stressed. So was I, because I hated boats at the time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it wasn't because I was happy you were going, because I was like, okay, like you know, Megan will be there, John will be there and you know, obviously no one in the family would ever let anything bad happen to Carly Right, of course. But I'm like she's just going to be gone for a week. I think it was a week long or eight days. It was so long and I'm like on a cruise, like we're not going to have any contact, and that was really hard. Those, those things were really, really hard, but it did. Honestly and I'm saying this truthfully, I can remember saying to my mom, because my mom would almost feel a little jealous on my behalf sometimes, Like if you, if, if Carly came home with like French braided pigtails or something like she would be like, oh, who did her hair? And I'm like, oh, Megan did Like and it didn't bother me, but I think it bothered my mom a little bit Sure, yeah, and I completely understand that yeah. But I can remember saying to my mom like no, like I'm happy, I'm just happy that Megan's there, like that makes me feel like secure, like that makes me feel better that she has like a mom in the house with her. And I still feel that way. You know now that she's a teenager and she, you know, lives with you guys during the week, so she's with you more than than she is with me at this point, which is hard. It's something I struggle with. You know it's what's best for her right now and that's okay. You know it's hard because of her having sisters in both houses and how much the babies do miss her. But again, just to go back to kind of like what we were saying, I'm just still really glad that she has a mom in the house.
Speaker 2:I just have always felt very early on such a responsibility, not only, obviously, to Carly, for sure, but to you for care of Carly. I never I'm trying not to cry, I told myself I'm not going to.
Speaker 1:I never wanted to disappoint you.
Speaker 2:It didn't you know, because I do realize, and I realize very early on, what a big deal that was. Even you know I didn't have any children of my own at that point, but I still recognize that was such a big thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you're. You're honestly such a maternal person I think, like even, just like you know, at you and John's wedding, which I was there. Yeah, you know like to hear your friends talk about it and things like that. Like you are, like you said, yeah quiet and you're an introvert, but you do. You have like those mom instincts. So I think you always kind of recognize that in mine and Carly's relationship was important and not like you know, I am her mom and that like that needs to be respected, Right A thousand percent. Yeah, you know did you ever feel like, when you and John first got together, like that you were uncomfortable with mine and his relationship?
Speaker 2:Listen, I think you know it's been 12 plus years, so like. I feel like I can. Truly, if you had asked me that question at that moment, I probably would have answered differently. Yeah, but I think that it was necessary to be honest with you. I think you're the way that we went about. You know, I never set any boundaries, megan. Like I know that you talked about this in past episodes with you and Kyle, like I didn't have boundaries, I didn't have the you like can only communicate this or like, and you, and I think the thing that was tough for me, but I just kind of just felt like it was necessary, was you and John know everybody. Like Carly and I have like a running joke, but she knows that as she goes out with me she's safe. It is unlikely that we are going to run into somebody like every stuff that like we take as we walk throughout wherever it is that we are, whereas you and John literally know everybody everywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you moved back to what is mine and John's hometown.
Speaker 2:I know Right and I think I think the tough part, the thing that I would get so upset with John was that when we would go places, even if you were with us, he would never introduce me to anybody and I would get so upset about that. Yeah, and I realized it wasn't that. It wasn't like he was trying to like hide me or like he was uncomfortable, it was, he was so used to you, knowing everybody. Yeah, that it didn't even, don't have never done on him that he had to introduce me, and I think it was just that I struggled at times, because you guys were so friendly with each other, yeah, that there were times where I was just like I don't understand why it didn't work. I mean, we had talked about this later, you know, but I think at that moment I just was like are you sure?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I get it, you know, and like we were so much friendlier at that point because we were not friendly to each other.
Speaker 2:You know when we were married.
Speaker 1:I know we talked about that, but thinking back on it, like from your perspective at the time, you probably were like what the hell Like? Why don't you guys?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't want it. I don't want to be a home wrecker. I'm not looking like. I mean, like you guys, it's gonna work, like you know. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I can see like why at that time you would have been like this is a little weird. You know, our relationship has definitely evolved. Now I mean to be honest with you. I talk more to you than I talk to John, just because that's just kind of like, now that Carly's older and has a phone, like we don't have to communicate with each other constantly. You know, obviously some things like if something happens at school or whatever, you know, he'll call me or whatever, but it's definitely we were really focused back then on like not having things be hard for Carly Right, and we made it probably was like it probably was too much at the time, you know, but I just think we didn't know any other way to like not make it tough.
Speaker 2:Right, but I also, I think, like looking back at it, it was necessary. It was necessary for Carly, and what I think was so beautiful about it, though, megan, is that she was such a happy kid. She was, yeah, you know, she was so happy, and I don't, I truly just I didn't feel like she was negatively affected by it, because nothing made her more happy than seeing us all together and seeing us get along and I mean, you know, as things had progressed. I mean, again, you were, you came to our wedding, and that was so important to me that we would go to parent-teacher conferences together, we would go to events together, yeah, we would do Christmas.
Speaker 1:We would do Christmas together.
Speaker 2:I mean there were so many things because that was so important to be able to support Carly, and I loved that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I do think that helped her develop like strong relationships with all of us too, because I don't think she ever felt like we were against each other. I mean you and I would just take her out, or you know whatever, but it is funny to think of like this. Is this just reminded me when you said I was at your wedding. I think some people that were there felt like, oh, this is weird, weird.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no listen.
Speaker 1:Megan.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think I can't remember I really honestly don't remember who, but I think it was just like we I was talking about how we were having a smaller wedding yes, it was really important to us, to everybody that was there we wanted there because they were so supportive of our relationship and people that you really loved and wanted that feeling, that intimate feeling of just celebrating with everybody. And John and I, you know, had the conversation separately, like before we, like opened it up to the parents you know, and everyone of like, who they wanted to invite. We really wanted to identify who was important to us. That it was just like non-negotiable and it was just collectively we're just like well, megan and her family, yeah yeah, because my parents came.
Speaker 1:My grandparents were invited. They couldn't come because my grandpa had got sick, my sisters yeah. But yeah, like, and it was so nice, it was such a fun wedding. I think it was awesome for Carly that we were all together.
Speaker 2:My favorite picture is the one with you and Carly. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we're watching you guys have your first dance and I think that was just like so nice. But I can remember we were sitting there watching the ceremony and a long time friend of John's, his parents were there and she his mom, kept and I love her, but it was just so funny. She kept looking back at me like almost with like, are you okay? And I'm like, and my mom and I were laughing, like I'm like I wouldn't be here if I wasn't okay.
Speaker 2:Right, you know, just because I'm not married or whatever I do know, I do know, you know, and I don't want to call them out, but I do know that there was one person that was just like I could never do that, like for you, like I could never do that, and I just think that not everybody knew our relationship. And I know that it is different. You know, like I know it's not, I know it's not the norm, you know, I know that so often, you know it can be the opposite.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I love it and like you texted me on Carly's birthday this year, just you know like I won't share what you said, but it was just such a kind message and I said to you like I'm really grateful too because I know what this could have been and how difficult that can be on the kids. And I'm not saying like we're perfect or that like John and I never disagree on what, what is the best thing for Carly, or anything like that, but I do?
Speaker 2:I think it's the answer, though you know, for any relationship, I mean Right.
Speaker 1:I mean, just like I'm sure you and John don't always agree on what's right for Aubrey or Kyle and I don't always agree on what's wrong with what's good for the other girls, and you have to talk about it, right? And I think as Carly's gotten older, there's been more of that right, Because I just think things change and things evolve and things feel more important. And when they're older, right, you're you're talking more about their like their life, the big stuff, yeah, the big stuff, right?
Speaker 2:I mean, she's Crazily enough, only about two years away from being an adult and going to college and you know, there's just a lot you know and but I do think just us having the generally good relationship that we do has contributed to like Carly's third grade teacher being like I had no idea that that Carly's parents were divorced yeah, like she's like I would never have, I would never have guessed that she came from a home with divorced parents and I hope you know I hope you don't mind me calling out Megan, but you know, while I wasn't there I think it's something you to to note when you and John did get divorced, you know, went to the actual like hearing and everything, your response to each other, and I think even you know those that were there were surprised by your response. You know, I don't know if that's something that you want to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think I'm pretty sure when we walked out of the chambers, like we gave each other a hug.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and like it really was, like I just want you to have a good life too, because if you have a good life, then that means Carly is going to have a good life.
Speaker 2:And I think collectively that that has always just been unanimous between the two of you, like if you're in a good place, then Carly is in a good place, and like vice versa, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think you know, I know you guys always liked Kyle, but I do think like the speed of our relationship was kind of jarring to you at the time.
Speaker 2:You know, I think you know, I got like what? Almost six years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, crazy, we'll both be married six years this year.
Speaker 2:You know, and thinking about when you came over to our house, you know, in that conversation we have honestly, megan, we haven't talked about it, no, since then, no, that was tough. That was a tough conversation, yeah it was and I think about it and I think about you know, our response and how tough, you know, I kind of was sad to some degree that Kyle wasn't there yeah, I do. I felt like he should have been, also for you, you know, and but here's the thing we love Kyle. He's amazing, you know. He is such a good dad, you know, and such a hard worker and just a good person. So we love Kyle and are so thrilled that you found your person. You know, I don't think there's ever been a moment back and where, personally, that I didn't want that for you, like I always wanted that for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I know that yeah.
Speaker 2:I, you know, I wanted you to have your person, I wanted you to be able to get married and grow your family and have your home, and I wanted that for Carly, for you to yeah. And I think, just as far as you know, in that moment, for my response, any hesitation that I had was, honestly, strictly just based off of what you had shared with me, right.
Speaker 1:Truly. I mean, you guys knew kind of like the background at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Because I mean, keep in mind, like John and I got married in March. You know of that year, it was 2018. And I think at that point, like you know, things were kind of like at a pause or like on and off.
Speaker 1:Up and down.
Speaker 2:And you and I also somewhere between then I feel like it was maybe your sister's wedding you and I went out to dinner and we, like had talked about it I, we had only met Kyle truly once and then, like I think we saw him, like passing like whether it was like a Carly's like softball or something like that, so really was just going based off of what you had shared. And so I think, like it's not that I didn't trust you, it was just it was a feeling of gosh like something like I'm nervous. I'm nervous for you, you know, and that was was hard. But I think, like you know, obviously, looking back at it, the only point where I was disappointed and I really probably is not the best word to use was I just felt like we had worked so hard to have a relationship that we did, and I think, just across the board, communication was always, you know, something that we did really well and I felt, like again, like we were like a trio. Yeah, it was super excited Like I wanted to like welcome Kyle. I'm like I don't know how he felt about it. I'm actually kind of curious and I wanted to like welcome him into the group and I'm sure that was probably also a little odd for him. Like what do you mean? Like you know, but maybe that wasn't the right expectation to also have that. Like he was just going to be like, okay, we're a force of now, you know but I think like the only part that I just felt like collectively we could have done better was just the communication piece. I know and the reason for that was Carly so fiercely loyal to the people that she loves like everybody is in the circle that she loves. So when she was able, we learned how to live like trophy dogs. But the idea was really, is you and John? Yeah, and I so identify with that because that's how I feel about everybody that I love. But for Carly and I'm smiling because it truly is it's OK if she's upset with you, but if somebody else is upset with you, it's good luck. You cannot Good luck. She just won't have it, she won't stand for it, and she's such a sweet kid but she will destroy you.
Speaker 1:She won't have it. She could be saying something to me about being upset with her dad and even if I agree, even if I'm just saying I know, carls, that's really tough, she's well, he didn't mean it like that. And you shouldn't be saying and I'm like I just wasn't agreeing to it Right?
Speaker 2:No, and it is literally the same way, and I think that because of that, in that instance, it was obviously a transition for her 100%. And I think that she, because of that loyalty, I think she was afraid of hurting you and your feelings and didn't want to like, didn't want. I think she was afraid in many ways of us turning against you, which wouldn't have her have happened. And I think because of that she kind of shut down and I felt like we could have so easily had to support her because we wanted to be able to also help you, help her.
Speaker 1:Right, it wasn't that. You know what I mean. Yeah, it wasn't like you guys didn't want me to get married or didn't want.
Speaker 2:We wanted, I wanted for you to have that happily ever after. I never did not want that.
Speaker 1:You know and.
Speaker 2:I wanted it to work, yeah.
Speaker 1:I think, looking back, I can definitely see what you're saying Because, like you said, we've never talked about this before since that night, and then it was just basically like OK, whatever, yeah, right, but you did bring it. No, no, you did bring it up to me. We had Crick Yolm Night and you were like I just want to make sure that we're good and yeah, I do remember you saying that you were saying that to me, but that was kind of it. I do think I could have kept you guys in the loop a little bit more. You know, like OK, this is happening.
Speaker 2:I just want to let you guys know like we are moving towards moving in together and we're probably going to get married, and because I think, like as much as I felt like maybe I didn't have to do, that and honestly, megan, I do want to clarify, like, at the same time, it's that tough, like I don't need to know everything that's going on, and you know, I mean like I think that it was just more so about because of the speed of it and helping Carly, like it was never about like well, I need to, like I need a background check on, like Kyle I need to know this. Like I didn't, you know, like I didn't need to play by play your relationship.
Speaker 1:Right. But I do think, like up to that point I had been like telling you guys kind of like what was going on, or if you would ask me how things were going, I would tell you guys. Then it was kind of like radio silence. And then I'm coming to your house and being like, oh, by the way, we're getting married. So like I can see this, the kind of like surprise from you guys end, right, and I do think, just thinking about it, like I should have brought Kyle with me and I don't know why I did it, like looking back on it and I think that truthfully, like I mean, like it's fine, but like I think had he had gone or come along, that the conversation would have maybe like been a little different. I think yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think, like as far as comfort, and even talking about like OK, let's figure out like for Carly, let's support her in a way that she knows that maybe we don't all have to hang out like we did before, but that we are still one unit, yeah, that she knows that she has all of our support.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because I do think that was tough for Carly At first with Kyle. She felt so fiercely loyal to her dad. I had dated, but nothing like that. I don't think she ever felt like I was going to marry somebody else. I mean it had really been her and I for seven years. I think at that point Right, I mean it was a long time that it was her and I and I think she is smart and she knew, obviously, and I was telling her Like I don't think I wasn't keeping it from her. But I think she felt kind of caught like oh my god, should I say this to my dad and Megan and should I you know like is this going to hurt my dad's feelings, even though he's already married to somebody else? Is he going to feel like I think Kyle's my dad now or whatever, Because at the time we did have more split custody, Like she spent, I think, an equal time with you guys? That? she did with us, so she'd be spending as much time with Kyle as she would be with John, and I think she was just like it was a whirlwind for her and Kyle and I have talked about that on previous episodes of the podcast and I want to interview her too. I think I kind of want to put that behind a paywall. I'm not sure that I just want to release it to the public, you know, just for her own privacy and things like that. But she went from being a 10-year-old kid who was alone in your house, who was alone in my house, to living with two other girls at my house and Kyle. Then I got pregnant, then you got pregnant, then I got pregnant again, right, so it was a huge transition, huge transition, yeah. So I think you're right. I think collectively, we all maybe could have done a better job at that point of figuring out Like, in fairness, we had never gone through anything like that before.
Speaker 2:No, and listen, I think part of what it was. No-transcript, it's fine.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I don't think that there is any faults or necessarily missteps. I just think that, going off of the time before that, it was just pure open communication nonstop for her. So I think that that was an adjustment for me and I just think that I wanted you to be able. I knew that you were going through a lot. It was a transition for you too. I mean, you talk about blended families and you had two other girls that you were trying to build a relationship with and I didn't in any way want to interfere. Or I just think, looking back, I think that, just as I said, I always turn to you to being the leading role for Carly, I think I was waiting for that cue from you to say, hey, let's catch up. And I wish in that moment that I had been like hey, let's chat. Yeah, let's go get dinner or something Like let's reconvene almost right yeah.
Speaker 1:I think it was hard for both of us. I think it was just that year was crazy, right, like you guys got married and then I got married and then I was also pregnant and that was like and I can remember being nervous to tell you and John and I went to it's so funny. Yeah, I mean it is funny because it's like it's kind of like how you were saying, how your dad was like I don't think this should happen. But I'm a grown up. But I remember I went to, I had a therapy appointment and she was like you got to tell them. You can't just not tell them that you're pregnant. She's like, it's not, like whatever.
Speaker 2:Like just show full day with the baby, like hey, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I do think, yeah, the communication between us kind of changed at that point, right, because up until that point I was almost like a part of your family, you know, in a way Like I would come to Christmas morning and stuff like that. And then obviously of course it's just the nature of things, like now I'm married to someone else and we have our family and things can't be the same that they always were between us. So I think we kind of had to find a new normal, which I think we have. Obviously our relationship is good and John and Kyle get along really well, which is great, and obviously you and I always have. But it's definitely interesting, as we talk about it, just to see the evolution over the 12 years of the ups and downs of being the mom and the stepmom. Yeah, you know. And then do you feel like your feelings about being like did you ever have the feelings that I have about like, oh, carly's been with me for like two weeks, or like I've been helping her through her sickness and now she's like I just want to go see my mom, like does that ever give you like a like, not jealousy, but like a kind of like really Like I've been doing everything for you.
Speaker 2:No, I think that it's more a. It's tough in the sense that you knew, from one end, like I want her to have time with you, like I want, I'm sad when she doesn't. You know, like I know how hard that is for you, but on the other end, selfishly, like I always want Carly to be with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, like, as I said, like she is mine, you know, and I just so deeply and fiercely love her and she, just like I can't imagine my life without her, you know. And so when she is with us, like it's our family feels complete Right. Like when she's not, it just it doesn't feel right.
Speaker 1:I think that's probably a good way to put it, because I think that's like the, the. It's the same way that I feel Like I'm like if everyone else is home but Carly is not. Like I never feel whole, right, right. It's like you don't feel, you know, if it's just you, john and Aubrey. Like you miss Carly yeah, of course. Like you can't, that's, that's your family. Like you, john, carly and Aubrey, and just like my family is not complete unless all of my girls are there. Like it's like almost like missing an arm.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know, and I think that's probably like the best way to describe like the difficult feelings that you have as a stepmom, because you're right, like ideally, the best thing for my stepkids is to have a good relationship with their mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's what you want for everyone. You know, both you and I are very close to our moms. Like you you know, like that's what, especially as a daughter, you want that closeness with your mom, so it's like good, like go see her, go spend time with her, yeah, but I miss you every second that you're not here, you know, yeah, and I think for me, like you know, I've always wanted Carly to spend as much time with John as she possibly can, like that's her dad, like that's you know like just because I'm her mom doesn't mean that I should get more time with her Like that. That doesn't. That never made sense to me. I've always wanted him to be able to see her as much as possible.
Speaker 2:And I think that's something that's really important to call out Megan about, about you is that the flexibility that you had very early on was so great for Carly. You know like if John had something going on with his family, some event, and it was your time, it was never like, well, this is my time, you can't have her. That never happened, and vice versa. You both had such great flexibility across the board and I think that made it so easy for Carly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that was. I'm really really happy that that we were like that at the beginning, because now I do know that Carly feels like you know she called me yesterday from school she's texting us, I know and said, oh, mom, like I, like my friends, want to hang out after school, like I know you were gonna come get me and I'm like it's fine, like I will be there, I'm gonna be in the area tomorrow morning, I'll just come get you afterwards, like and I know she does the same to you guys Like, oh, I'm just gonna go to mom's, like whatever, I just want to do that. And she, I know she feels like she can say that to both of us. And I've said to her before like I don't want you to feel like if I'm like, no, it's fine, stay at your dad's, that it means I don't want you here, because I always want you here.
Speaker 2:Well, she, I think it was last week she was with you and she was like I'm on my way. I was like, okay, I'm like, mind you, like Aubrey was like literally on top of me, like trying to reach for my phone. She's like are you mad at me? And I was like no, she's like well, you always say like oh, I can't wait to see you, or whatever, yeah, yeah, like of course, I can't wait to see you. Yeah, of course I can't wait to see you. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think I'm really happy that we do have that openness, because it's like you know if you guys are going to Maine or whatever like. I'm like, yeah, you know I'm never gonna stop you because the reality, however harsh it is, is that she has two families. Yeah, you know, and I never wanted her to not have a relationship with John side. You know she's so close with Dave and Jeanine, she's so close with John's brothers and her cousins on that side, and same for for my side, but I never wanted to be like, well, I'm the mom, so she needs to be closer to. You know, I'm glad she has a relationship with your parents. Yeah, you know, like I'm glad she talks about Patrick's twins and you know what I mean. Like I'm glad she has a sister when she goes to, when she goes to your house. You know and I think, just to call out, we were talking about it a little bit before we started recording but like she is the best sister.
Speaker 2:Amazing. Like unbelievable it just it makes me so happy. Yeah, you know she is just. I even you know she's so good not only with her sisters but with her cousins, and just to be able to see how she interacts with them and she's such a kind, caring, nurturing, loving human being and I think that is a huge reflection of her upbringing and how she was raised and really you know, you and John being the pillar of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but then obviously and not just saying that like you've obviously been a huge, huge influence in her life I mean she will say she doesn't remember her life prior to you Like you don't. I mean, she probably doesn't have memories of being a two year old you know, and Kyle, because he's been such a positive influence on her as she's gotten older too. You know, and I think, your parents, my parents, john's parents she's had really good relationships with everyone in her life and I think that's kind of like helped form her to be that that loving person that she is today. But she couldn't have been that person without you, and I really, really mean that.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate that she literally, I just I think I you said like I typically will text you on her birthday, but like I'm so grateful, so grateful to you for allowing me to cultivate and have the relationship that I have with her, because she, literally, she's my world, she's my everything.
Speaker 1:I know, and so amazing to me that when she's not with me, that she does get to have that.