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Ever taken that dizzying leap of faith into entrepreneurship? It's a ride that'll test your mettle, your relationships, and your financial savvy. This episode strips down the entrepreneurial journey, revealing the grit and grace of starting from scratch. We discuss the daunting challenges of securing health insurance and confronting financial uncertainties, all while sharing the heartening support from partners who are our pillars. This tale isn't just about business growth; it's a testament to the faith that emboldens us to chase the seemingly unreachable.
As we forge ahead, we've had to learn the language of abundance, tweaking our financial thermostat to keep pace with the evolving demands of our business and personal lives. Inspired by insights from "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind," we dissect how mindset shifts can usher in success. The narrative is enriched by the candid confessions of the emotional investment required to thrive in business, while never underestimating the power of a solid support system. Join us as we celebrate the backbone of our journey - the partnerships and community that sustain us through thick and thin.
Finally, we tiptoe through the delicate dance of balancing business and family, recounting moments that tug at the heartstrings—a child's dance recital missed, a bike ride that teaches more than just balance. Gratitude sits at the core of this conversation, an emotional currency that binds together our work achievements and family life. In sharing our stories, we uncover the essence of partnership, the unsung hero in every family's saga of love, respect, and the unyielding pursuit of dreams.
00:20 - Starting a Business
15:54 - Financial Challenges and Support in Business
27:47 - Balancing Business Growth and Family Life
41:16 - Balancing Work and Family Responsibilities
53:45 - Importance of Gratitude in Relationships
What's going on, Dave?
Speaker 2:
I smile and I look at it.
Speaker 1:
Tell you no, yeah, so we're still here after our last couple of episodes. I mean, we got a lot of great feedback on it and obviously it was a lot of different type of topics. But I wanted to this podcast, like this episode to kind of be about, because I've been getting a ton of questions about you know, what are things you have to think about when you first start a business, right, and I feel that if you ask that question to a lot of different people I did that question is answered differently, obviously, because it's different for everybody, right, but we hear about our perspective and not your perspective. Like, what is it at home? The things that you have to deal with, the things, and you know all the stresses that you have with. You know, supporting somebody that is trying to start a business and just find line is dance, so much that you have to say of, like, you know, of support, and you know prioritizing your time at home too, you know.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's super hard.
Speaker 1:
You know. So I think it's like when I like, let's just start with us right Like. I think it was a conversation that you and I had, right I think we've touched upon it before where you had mentioned about that you were still working right Like, or you went back to work.
Speaker 2:
No, so I was going to go back to work after Selena, but then I like felt like I couldn't remember.
Speaker 1:
Right.
Speaker 2:
You were still working for your other company, but we had started to talk about you going out on your own Right, because I think it was.
Speaker 1:
I ended up after I got my license and I realized they were never going to pay me enough to live next door to them. That I'm like well, I want something better for us.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it was scary at that point because I wasn't working. I think like the biggest thing was health insurance. Right, Because in Massachusetts you have to have it.
Speaker 1:
It's mandatory or you pay fine when you do your taxes Right, and I think that you ended up at that time, you ended up looking up what would be health insurance for us and that because we were such a new business that we're eligible for certain programs, and I think that that was something that was huge because obviously-.
Speaker 2:
I'm not going to repeat a lot less than what we paid now for it.
Speaker 1:
That's for sure, yeah, well, that's going to be as we start going, as this conversation unfolds, right, we'll start getting into the reality of what it is to have employees and run a business and have a household, and we'll talk about our financial thermostats, right? But-.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean it was super it's weird, right? Because when you said you wanted to go out on your own, I was like, okay, I had full faith in you at that point, obviously because we've spoken before. We started the business with nothing. I mean it's not like we had this gigantic savings account or anything.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we were in an eight-.
Speaker 2:
We were right. So it's kind of crazy to think now that I was just like, yeah, okay, do it, I'm sure you'll make enough money to pay the bills, because I wasn't working. It's not like we had some other form of guaranteed income like, okay, at least we have $1,000 coming in every other week or something right. We had literally nothing. It was like, well, hopefully you make enough. I mean, it was kind of irresponsible.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it was kind of-. It was just like we had a mortgage, we had a house, we had our house, we had a mortgage, we had bills, we had our kids' stuff.
Speaker 2:
Yeah groceries right.
Speaker 1:
Groceries. We had all these things and it definitely wasn't like it's going to be responsible of us. But the thing is is that it's one of those things I think, like in telling the story, it's to kind of get it out there that if you want to do it, just start and just do it, in that there's nothing that can stop you. It's like kind of like being a parent, you can read all the books, you can try and be as prepared as you want to be. Nothing is ever going to prepare you for it when you start living it. And it's just like, well, this wasn't in the book yet it's like it's not in the book. I'm not saying you should go into a blind. I think having an understanding as far as like having some idea of what it is like we literally went into a blind. We're just like fuck it.
Speaker 2:
I mean we did. But I had and I think this kind of goes into the conversation that we want to have like I had full faith in you that you would make it happen, because, like to me, it's like you always have made everything happen for us. So, like, well, why wouldn't he make this?
Speaker 1:
happen, right, right, and that was like one thing.
Speaker 1:
But those are the conversations that we need to have. I remember that that was a conversation in the beginning when I said I was like listen, there's going to be times that if we're going to do this, like I'm going to have late days, I'm going to have to work weekends, I may have to work nights, like obviously I'm going to try not to, but it's like we're in the beginning, like I went from doing large scale commercial projects to going back to putting in light switches, outlets, replacing lights, like shovel shooting, like little things, like I'm literally making like $125 per job, right, I mean like service calls, like doing little things, and like never saying no, right, because at that point we can't say no, like we need money, like it was just, it was just one of those things and it was starting out and obviously I'm somebody that, yes, I've been in the trade, but no one's known me as a business. I'm nobody. I'm a ghost. I'm just somebody that all of a sudden has a truck, yeah, and I can do an electrical like, and that was it.
Speaker 2:
It's crazy to think like how you're saying, like you would literally say no to nothing, and like now, like the large scale projects that you're like, yeah, no, I'm not going to do it.
Speaker 1:
Well, it's so funny how, like, we went from not saying like we had this, like we've never said no, to kind of like yeah, like we have a $500 minimum. Like if you want us to get up to your door right now, it's $500 minimum for us to get to see your door.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying, like. And now you're like oh no, I'm not going to do this. You know, 6,000 square foot house or whatever. Right, yeah, yeah, crazy, like before you'd be. Like you also do this. You're not saying what else, no, I know. I'm just saying like you're not taking every job that gets thrown your way, like you can't anymore.
Speaker 1:
It can, right, Because the other thing is too. It's and that goes into reputation, right Like it's just a matter of that. If we have a commitment, we want to honor those commitments. We want to basically put on full focus. We're not going to try to solve so thin that where we can sacrifice our quality, because that's essentially what it is we've become known for.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, we've been known for it, I think you know it's just interesting to go from like, yes, I'll be, you know, at your door in a half hour to switch out your plates, you know yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, until like yeah, exactly it is.
Speaker 1:
It is kind of crazy, but it's the beginning, but you know, I remember that it was these conversations that we really needed to have of, of and making sure that you were okay with it, and then also telling you my needs that I would need, Like I'm like hey, like if, if I'm feeling this way, this is what I need from you. And that was like a big thing Because, like you know, I think that that's where it's so tough. I think, especially for us as men, like like we don't, we don't know if we can be that way, like if we can communicate. A lot of guys, I think, struggle with communicating what they need, yeah, and we just deal with it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's stoic, right, like I'm just gonna like this is what I need to do and I'm just gonna do it and I'm not gonna express that I need anything further because, like I'm the man I need to provide, I need to be the one that's like protecting the house.
Speaker 1:
If I have these feelings like Right and it's also like the guilt that we carry too. Like it's obviously. It's like if we have kids like us not being there, the sacrifices that we put into that, I think, also becomes another point. But I think it's for us, it's like we kind of settle for it. It's not something that we talk about, but it's something that I feel like could also become a problem right In a marriage that you know it's cause ultimately at the end of the day. Like you also want me home too, like you want me to be there, Like I'm a father, I'm a husband, like yeah, it's super hard.
Speaker 2:
I think, interestingly enough, it's harder now than it was at the beginning, even though, like you were running around everywhere and stuff, you didn't have the scale of work that you have now. Right, so you could be home and the kids were younger, there were less commitments for them, right, right, just even speaking to Camila and Selena, like they were not even one and two when you started the business, right, so if you were out late night or whatever, I didn't have to explain that to them. Now it's where's daddy? Why is he still working? Why isn't daddy here? I want, is daddy coming? I want daddy.
Speaker 2:
Like you know, there's a lot more questions that have to be answered and explained to them. I think, as they've gotten older and it's, it's really really difficult, like I don't I don't know, I could probably do more episodes with trades wives, because with other trades wives, because it's a difficult position to be in, to cognitively know that you need to work this much or else we can't have the life that we have, but also, like I need you to be home, right, it's super hard it is.
Speaker 1:
It's really difficult, and that's why I think it's like there's times like like you've had to save me, be like, hey, listen, like you're, like you're home physically, but you're not home. Yeah, that's another thing and that's another big thing, right, like that's, that's something that like, when I think about it, is something that I, I really have to work hard at. One thing I've always been great about it I'd never brought work home with me, right, but now home is work, home is work, yeah, it's it's. It's all these different things when you work for somebody else.
Speaker 2:
If you had a bad day, you know, at some job when you were in another company, I mean you opened the door and you were happy to see us and that was a like you are great at that, like I, not moody, like nothing like that. Like you are, you can shut it down, like you had a bad day at work. You're not bringing that bad day. Don't make you pay for a steak, get in. Exactly, you're not bringing that into the house. But now, not saying that you're moody, but you're. You are bringing work home because you have to, because if you were at a job site all day, that means that there's stuff on the back end that wasn't getting done, right, like maybe a lot of people don't know. Like you're the one billing, you're the one estimating, you're the one you know answering emails, like doing all this stuff, yeah, scheduling, yeah, and all these other different things, beaking sure the guys go where they need to go, making sure they're okay, like that type of thing, right. So I think it's impossible for you not to like have those failings or be you know thinking about work when you're home, because it is home. You know your office is in our bedroom, like it's just what, it is right.
Speaker 2:
And it's difficult for me because you know, like a non-negotiable in our house is that we all eat dinner together. Right, we all sit down to dinner together every night and no one's allowed to have their phones. But you would bring your phones to the table and you'd put them upside down. But if they went off, or even if you didn't bring them to the table, if your watch goes off, it's, and then you're like, oh well, this is just, I just gotta do this. Like, and I'm like, no, come on. Like this is the one half hour that we're asking of you all day, like we wouldn't let the kids do this, you can't do this. Like nothing is gonna happen to figure out what electric in the half hour that we're eating dinner and having these conversations with each other.
Speaker 1:
I think, like I'll never forget that you and I went out for a walk and we were walking and you're like you know I have to just get this off my chest and like you hit me with it, like you were basically be like you're on your phone way too much when you're home and, exactly with how you said it, like the company's not gonna fall apart in that half hour or that 45 minutes that you're there and I listened to you. I'm like you know what, like you're right, like I'm sorry, like it's one of those things that I think, as a provider, the stresses of us providing that to us, it's like it's so critical that, and like we're in like this building phase, we're just kind of like no, no, no, like we have to do, like I have to do that, because if I don't answer that they just go somebody else and then that's a lost opportunity. I don't know what that opportunity is Right, and rather than me being confident in my ability, the fact that someone's calling me because of my reputation that I built, and that's something that it's hard, I mean it's obviously humbleness in the sense of that, like understanding that like there's other people out there that do what I do Like, and there's other people that can provide those services and provide a solution and all these different things right. So it's a matter of like. It's that sense of urgency that will feel that I'm like I just can't let my family down. Like in getting back to like something that you kind of started off at, that feeling of you mentioned it about, just like the stresses and bringing it home, and now it is that you do it, bring it home.
Speaker 1:
It is tough, like there are days that you've had to keep me together and because we have money out on the street and, like you know, to kind of even go back even further, like in the beginning. Right, I think it was a lot easier. It was just myself. Yes, I was working harder, but we obviously were making way more money and it was nice. And but I think back to it at the time and, like we said before, I'm like all right, I just have to make $500 today, that's all I have to make.
Speaker 2:
I mean we had a mortgage that was a third of the mortgage that we have now. Right, I mean we couldn't fit in that house. I mean that we had to move.
Speaker 1:
Right, you know what I'm saying. Like we had like a $1200 mortgage at the time. It was just myself, yeah, and how payroll? Yeah, I had no payroll. I had a workers comp on myself and then I had like general liability and that was it. Like it was just the cheapest of the cheapest right.
Speaker 2:
They didn't. You know sports and phones and you know, now we're talking about cars and you know, I mean, there's just Well, private school, like in. Right, the kids are going to private school. It's like there's just so much preschool is expensive, right, you know, like, so, like Dance gymnastics, right.
Speaker 1:
Like, yeah, sports is, it's all different things. And so, like you know, let's talk about, like financial thermostat, right, like in the sense of that here we are focusing so much on. You know, we just need to make this much in order to survive. And at that point we were so busy and I was, and I was burning myself out because I was doing everything and I'm cleaning up, I'm setting up, and then days are getting longer. So with that I hide in my first guy, I hide Jake, and I remember saying to you I'm like how the hell am I gonna support this kid, how the hell am I gonna support him and support his family and do this? And I remember just panicking, just. But I'm like, but Jessica, you always said it's like you always figure it out.
Speaker 2:
Always, and that's what I always tell you Like I think sometimes you just need me to say it Like that it's just like we've always been okay, like it always.
Speaker 1:
I am out. I know it's hard. It's so hard because, like then, exactly so like little did I know my financial thermostat is raised up because now I need to Make more, need to make more, and so, therefore it's, I would make adjustments to how I moved and how I did things, and in what, how I would market myself, how I'd brand myself and things that I would do. And then, you know, we got to a point where we were so busy and I'm like shit, like I need another guy. And then now, like, joel came into the fold. So then I'm like, oh my God, how can I keep all three of us busy? And then we sold Lynn, we moved the house, like we bought a bigger house, like we just like we tripled our mortgage and payment. Now we had, you know, payroll, we had workers comp, we had health insurance, dental, we had all the kids, sports we had. Now we're paying for oil, like we're like you know all these.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, the electric on a way bigger house right, Like it's All these different things that we're now changing and adjusting right and it's all these different things that we're now accommodating for, and it's like, essentially, we had to raise that thermostat even higher now. And you know, I keep on mentioning this and it's because, of like, just recently I just started to understand this, and which is through a book that was referred to us by Andrew Litchfield, Penny Investments, which the book was an incredible book and it really did change my mindset on it and it was Sickers of the Millionaire Mind and kind of creating this abundance mindset and understanding where your financial thermostat is and what your financial blueprint is right.
Speaker 2:
Right, yeah, like you would be like so stressed about you know, say like how much money was in like the business account or whatever, and I'd be like okay, really, like that number is more than I've ever seen in a bank account in my entire life, right, but that's not creating an abundance mindset, right? Like that's not saying like well, yeah, like that might be higher than anything that we've ever seen, but that money is also not all ours. That goes to payroll, that goes to insurance, that goes to material Like you know it's. There's just a lot more that goes into it. So I think, like learning that, and I think we probably could and should do another episode about like how, like, just like money in general and like you know.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, let's say in page about it. And then, understanding your financial blueprint and your financial thermostat and understanding that like and how much of being a business owner and starting out as mindset, like, you need to get your shit straight and get it together. But it's not just yourself, it's also your significant other. Like you, I could not have done this without you. Like I've said this so many damn times. Everyone says I was like I could not have done this without the support of you. It's impossible, like my dreams and where we are today and everything that we do is through your support, through your love.
Speaker 1:
It's something that it's, you know, like us together and that's unified. Nothing can stop us, and I think that that's something that a lot of guys was like. You see it sometimes just like, oh, I'm an army of one, or the wolf pack, like I'm a lone wolf or a sister of a dad. There are certain parts of this journey that you will have to do alone. Without a doubt, there are times I had to do things alone. However, there's always strength in numbers. There's always strength in having that that somebody else there, because, guess what, you're not gonna be strong all the time. You're not gonna. This business can break you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, for sure. I mean we've had those conversations where I sat there and been like babe, like to the point of tears.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's having been so damn stressed out about how the hell am I gonna make payroll, because there's sometimes that your bank account's doing this, because you're getting paid and money like it's coming from the back door, flying out the back door.
Speaker 2:
And but, like I was saying, like that I would literally be like, babe, if you don't want to do this anymore, like it's fine, like it's okay, like we can you know, while at the same time, like also letting you know, like, if you do want to keep doing this, I'm gonna be behind you, like I'm gonna support you, like I want to support you through all the ups and downs of it. From my perspective being a stay at home mom, that's really hard, because I feel like I can't support you with anything tangible. Right, we've talked about this so much. Like that, I'm like, well, I could be taking so much off your plate right now if I was bringing in a paycheck, right, and I've said it like so many times and we've tried it, we've tried it and it doesn't. It just doesn't work for us right now. And you've said, like it creates more stress for us, right, because then like Well, you know what it is.
Speaker 1:
Is that like I think at that point we realized how pivotal your role is at home and the how important the role of the stay at home mom, like that was something like for us. Like you're our hub that's exactly the way how I put it to you. I'm like you're our hub, like the only reason why this works is because you're in the middle, you're that main gear and you're driving like you're getting, you're moving this train, yeah.
Speaker 2:
But I just think, like for me it's like when you're feeling really down, or like just stressed about all the money that we have out, or whatever. Like I'm like what can I offer this guy right now? Like we'll be okay, babe, we'll be okay.
Speaker 1:
Like they're there.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you know like it is hard. It's like, oh my God, he has all this stress and, like me, not making any money. Like that adds to it right, because I guess maybe not adds to it, but like there's, it doesn't alleviate it. Doesn't alleviate it right.
Speaker 1:
And that's just the thing. It's just like there's times that, like you and I have had this conversation and we've gotten into it in the sense of that, you're telling me like I just feel bad, like like what, if I just went to work and I said this, I'm like it's just not gonna work for us, because then I have to leave early, because now I have to go grab the kids, or you and I become two ships in the night and where it's like, cause you're working, because you wanna be there for the kids, then you're carrying this thing, and then what quality of life is that for us?
Speaker 2:
Well, right, because I mean, we're barely seeing each other as it is some weeks, right, right.
Speaker 1:
the best thing is that, like we always said, like our marriage is first in this and like it's something that I really wanna touch upon in this, and like I've sacrificed a lot to this trade and to this business. I've sacrificed friendships, I've sacrificed, you know, relationships. I've sacrificed a lot of loss, a lot to this, and it's something that I feel not a lot of people understand that it's a balance of things. There's also things that you know life changes. You grow out of people. There's people that are meant to be in your life for seasons and they're not meant to be there forever, and stuff like that, and they serve the role, like everyone serves a purpose in your life, even the people that hurt you. They play their role perfectly.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And it's because those people are people that, because of what role they played, made you the person you are today.
Speaker 1:
They give you that perspective, they give you that outlook, they give you, they play their role perfectly and it's something like, even if you go against me, I appreciate you because you taught me something, and this goes into mindset about it.
Speaker 1:
And so, like same thing, it's like those times that, like you mentioned, oh, like if, like I said to you, like you can just you don't have to do this, the times that I've said that to you I mean the time you said that to me were times that I said to you I don't know if I want to do this, and you're basically what you've done for me at times is that you supported me in that, like, listen, whatever decision you choose to make, I got you back. Like it's, if you don't want to do this, don't do it. If you want to keep on going, keep on going. But there are times that you said to me and this is what I love about you is that this is like where you'll give me that reality check. It basically be like what is the rush for you? Like you just started this business and I'm like what do you mean? You say, babe, like look at everything you've accomplished in a year.
Speaker 2:
Right, and we've talked about this on previous episodes I think, like you're, and I know, it's just because you want more and you have these dreams and that's amazing, but those dreams are still valid, even if it takes 10 years to get there, right, and that's just the reality of it. Like, what about the dreams that you've already provided for us, right? You know, like I don't think you give yourself enough credit for how much you've grown this business in three years.
Speaker 1:
It's tough, like it really is, like it kind of chokes me up a little bit because it's hard to give myself credit.
Speaker 2:
I know.
Speaker 1:
It's hard for me to to like, if I feel like I've got there, then I stop moving, and so therefore, I need to keep on moving, and then it's like I'm only as good as my last milestone that I hit, and so therefore, I need to keep on going, because I'm not where I'm at yet. And the thing is is that in the reality is and this is just my mentality and this is as, as I progress in business, I'm like this abundance mindset that it is I want more, more, and the thing is that I don't settle, and that's because I've settled for so long in my life, and so, therefore, I feel like, so like to you when you do remind me of it, but it makes sense. But the reason why I feel the urgency is because, like, I'm not looking at it that I've been in business for a year. I look at it as I've been doing this for 15, 16 years and I've wasted so much time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, but take a second. Take a second and appreciate what we do have. Like you know, I think that's kind of like and I think you've worked on that since I've brought it up to you like be grateful, be grateful for everything that we have, and that's something that I've said to you so much Like we have such an amazing marriage. Like we have amazing kids, we have a beautiful house. Like we have great friends that you know we've cultivated these relationships with. Like we have our families. Like be grateful, because I think the more you're grateful like, the more good things come to you, and we've seen that. You know, I just want you to take a breath. Sometimes I just like, sometimes I'm just like, hey, like breathe.
Speaker 1:
Literally I'm not like breathe this time. I'm like suffocated with, like the business that I'm literally like. I'm like almost to the point of like I wanna say, a panic attack. But the thing is, is that like, I'm just kind of like-.
Speaker 2:
You feel?
Speaker 1:
pressure. I feel pressure, like I'm just like this and-.
Speaker 2:
And sometimes I'm just like hey, Kimmy and CeCe wanna show you like what they did at preschool. Today, yeah. Like just take a second and just acknowledge Stopping smaller roses.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, ha ha ha, seriously, yeah, it's true. It's true Like you need to dial back and like you need to dial in. Most importantly, you need to dial in and everything works out. It doesn't. That's the thing you always said. It's like everything is always gonna work out. It's gonna work out, it does.
Speaker 1:
And like we were talking about it this morning, you know about like, oh, we just need this, we just need like, if I can just get paid from these jobs, like we'll be good, we'll be good. And then all of a sudden, like bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, yeah, like all of a sudden, like, and then like now we're even more, and I'm like, oh my God, like and it's, you can breathe for a second. You know what I'm saying? Like all right, now we're good, now we're good, and that's the thing is, it's like. That's one thing.
Speaker 1:
I have to work on, this sense of that like in making sure I maintain that abundance mindset and in that gratitude, but then also, just because that instant gratification of getting that, that I let up off the gas, yeah, and that's another thing too, and I think that that's where that's also what creates this. It creates that roller coaster ride of that is that, when we start experiencing that little bit of like success, that it's like God, this feels good, like yeah, I got this. And then all of a sudden, you're like you're not making the same moves you were making to get to that point. And then, guess what, now you're going back down. You're like, oh shit, now you feel it. You're like, all right, let me start doing it again, yeah. And then all of a sudden, things like I wrote, you're like yeah, yeah, I got this, I got this. And then you're like you, let you fuck the gas. It's like, oh, yeah.
Speaker 2:
Like it's like yeah, no, I know and I think that's a hard line for me too, because I want you to like relax with us and I want you to come do this with us or whatever, While at the same time knowing in the back of my head what it is that you do need to get done. And I've said to you before, like I don't, I never want to nag you. I don't, it's just not, it's just not my thing, Like I don't want to sound like your mom, Like I just want to be your wife. But I know from what, like you've said to me before, like there are times that you need me to be like hey, like you said, you said you need to bid these three jobs. Like go bid those three jobs.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, go do it. And that's like one of the things that go into it too is that, like you know something that I've read in another book and I tell you, like I never thought I'd be reading books but the way I do now. But you know, in one of the books I've been reading and for some reason the titles escape me right now In the book it says that basically, is that procrastination is due to the fact of that you're doing something that you don't like to do. Right, it's not the fun part of business. It's not the fun part of business. It's one of those things. It's the one thing that I probably loathe, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that sometimes it becomes a wasted effort.
Speaker 2:
Is that cause like- you can bid a job, and then someone might go with someone else.
Speaker 1:
Well, yeah, the thing is the shop with the lowest number and things like that, and this thing is it's like. So therefore, to me it's just like well, I'd rather put my effort into something else that I know is gonna I'm gonna receive a return in, right, but not knowing also the fact of like well, it's also a part of business, Like that's a part of it. Like, and I think in the book they give a great story of like Steve Martin the comedian and how that in the beginning he sucked and it was just kind of like the things that he hated to do was right.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And you know, because he hated doing it, he never did it and then therefore he never improved. But eventually he embraced writing and then, and how it evolved for him. And then it evolved and it made everything else better around him that he found his group and then, all of a sudden, now he's you know Steve Martin. Steve Martin, like it's one of those things. It's like so when you think about it, or it's something like even Mike Tyson says it. Like Mike Tyson says it, he was like to be a citizen or to be a great at something. You have to wake up every day and do what you hate. Yeah, and I'm just kind of like, damn Mike.
Speaker 1:
You're like fuck, now I gotta go to bed, I gotta go to bed, I gotta go to bed and. But it's true, and it's those things like it's not about the good things, the money and the freedom, and it's this and that the other things, it's doing the shit you hate, and like you can't appreciate the good or you can't have the good without the bad, like it's just one of those things that's balances of life and it's just one of those things.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's super hard, right. Like, just to give an example, like, and I was absolutely pissed and I didn't give you any grace in this situation, but like when you missed Camila and Selena's dance performance.
Speaker 2:
Paul yep was probably a big low right For us, like just like that, you see, like not the dark side, cause that sounds like evil, but like the not so fun parts of being a business owner, Because sometimes like oh yeah, great, Like you can just not work on Friday or you know it's my birthday, so like let's just go to the beach and you can not work. But there are times that you get stuck on something and you end up missing things, that it can be really upsetting to me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I remember you to miss them. I remember that day and it was something that it was very difficult, because I remember that I was on this call. It was an emergency call. You think you got it all figured out and then boom, there's another problem down the line and it's because somebody else Mickey Mouse did someone and, like I said, it's like happens on a Friday. Like you know, it's a Friday cause everything just goes to shit and it's just like, and like every guy's probably like listen to this, what do you?
Speaker 2:
guys call it fuckery Friday. That's what you guys always say on.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's just, it's just. No, it's just gonna happen Like it's. So. It was exactly. It's just like if you know it has that potential, like not today you can go the other way, and but it was like one of those things that I remember that I got into it and then I was trying to and I'm trying to get through it, I'm trying to get out of this cause fast possible.
Speaker 1:
Exactly, I never had that as a kid, like I remember doing things alone because I wanted to do it for myself, right? But I remember I had nobody to chair me on Like how many football games, how many wrestling matches, how many concerts? I think I can remember my family coming to one course concert and that was when I had a solo and that was about it. And I can't remember all the games and things that I did on my own. It's because I wanted to do it, but I had no chairing section and it led to me always just I did it because I wanted to do it. But since I was a kid, I like developed that mindset of like you know, sometimes you just got to chair for yourself, but life happens in a way that you forget that part. You just do it just to do it, but you don't realize it, and how much more you need it when you get older.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And so for me, I carry that guilt when I'm in those positions, that whole entire time that I'm trying to get the hell out of that job. I am like, why am I here right now and like, and I'm carrying that guilt of like I'm not being there for my kids, I'm not being there for my wife Not my wife's mad at me Like now it's this, now it's that, and it's like, and I'm feeling this tremendous amount of guilt. But then I'm thinking about it. I'm like I can't. It was a no heat call in a retirement, so I'm like I can't leave a building full of people without heat.
Speaker 1:
And me think, am I rationalizing this? Like am I? And then I'm thinking about, well, it's our reputation. Like how is this going to go? Like all of a sudden, this guy's going to leave me. I run some review like, oh yeah, like I he already in playing the review in my head Guy freaking, high tailed that. Yeah, guy freaking left the house full of elderly people with no heat. And I'm just thinking I'm like, oh my god, I'm gonna ruin my business. Like I'm gonna ruin this, I'm gonna ruin that, and like all these things are going through my mind at the time and I made a choice. I did make a choice and I'd choose the business, and I chose a business.
Speaker 2:
Right, and all that's going through my head at the time is like that thing that you see going around Instagram all the time, like the only people who are ever going to remember that you worked late are your kids, right.
Speaker 1:
And that's the double-edged sword. Yeah, it's Business and like that's. That's the reality of it.
Speaker 2:
And I think it was exacerbated by the fact that the week and this is like I'm not, I'm not shitting on Kyle, I'm just like explain like the downside of the, the downside of being a business owner, right, this was exacerbated by the fact that the week before we had friends in town and we were meeting them at dinner and then to go to zoo lights with all our kids and you got stuff on a call and missed the entire dinner.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and this was literally I don't even know if it was a week before, I think it might have been like three days or something. It was like very close together and the dinner I was like okay, whatever, Like I was annoyed but I was like whatever, you didn't do it on purpose, it's fine, we still had dinner together. You met us at zoo lights, it's fine. It's fine when it comes to the kids, it's super like. It's like for me, as I'm sure you can imagine, like when I had a chair and competition, when I had a soccer game, when I had anything, my parents were there, my sisters were there, my grandparents, my grandparents were there, probably some aunts and uncles were there, my baby cousins, like you know what I mean, like taking up a full section.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, like 30 people.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I always remember Carrie's college graduation. Like no one has ever had this many people out of college graduation.
Speaker 1:
Like it's you know what I mean People make the jokes about, like Mexicans and stuff like that. Yeah, Like, be like because, because, like it's like oh, yeah, I know, I think it's like it's like we get one ticket and like they actually know, like we're counterfeiting our own tickets just so we can get it. Yeah, but, and it's just like, so fucked up. Obviously, like I thought we rolled deep, like no guys will deep, but that was the one thing that I wanted to do, so differently.
Speaker 2:
Right and you do. I mean, it's not like you're constantly not coming to the kids stuff, but for me, like this one thing, like the kids like and this is just the harsh reality of it Like the kids were so excited that you were coming, you know, and just honestly, like Cammie cried on the ride, I'm saying I thought daddy was coming Right and, like you had to, you apologized to them.
Speaker 1:
Oh, my God, I remember when I got home I hugged them and I cried and I was like I'm sorry, I missed it, like I'm sorry, like I got so caught up and it killed me. And like she just kind of came over she hugged me and I was kind of like I'm sorry, baby, like, and she was like it's even like her. She's like it's okay, yeah, and I'm like it's not okay. And I told her that I'm like it's not okay. I should be there for you and I'm going to be there for you. And I was like I'm going to figure it out.
Speaker 1:
I'm going to figure out what it is I have to do and it's those things like, it's like those lessons, because I missed so much of my first kids, like with Kiarra and Mia. Yeah, I've missed so much in their life that you know, when I think about it like and I think I've mentioned before in a previous podcast episode of like with Kiarra and riding her bike, yeah, that was like my biggest thing that a lot of people don't realize Like I have a video up on my page like that I share for her birthday every year and in the in the video it shows me walking with her when I got her her first bike. Yeah, and she's a little kid, you know she's like four years old.
Speaker 1:
She's a little kid and I'm walking right next to her, she has her training wheels on and then a fast forward to the day that I recorded her first riding her bike. Yeah, and, but she was a grown ass kid and in the video, if you listen closely, like my voice is cracking. I was so proud of her because before that I had a deal with her being so upset with herself, with herself, and calling herself stupid because she didn't know how to ride a bike. And seeing her slim her bike and she was like you know. She was like you know. She was like you know. She was like you know.
Speaker 1:
She didn't know how to ride a bike. And seeing her slim her bike I'm never going to get. I. I'm so stupid that I can't do this and my little sister can't like. Here's me if you're bombing around on her bike. Because at that time, like I invested my time into her and she learned quickly and I gave her tools for success, like I set her up for success and she, boom, took to it versus Chiara Chose to work, to give her things that she didn't need, when all she needed was me.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and so this is like the catch 22, right, because it's like you have to work, you have to work as much as you do. Like you're the sole provider in our, in our home, we have bills. Like we want the kids to have things that we never had, and that was something that you not that, not that we never had, but we want more For our kids, right, like they and you said that to me, like when I was so upset at you about missing the dance performance, like and it wasn't a recital, it was just a Christmas performance I was like they're dance, but you were like they can't even do dance unless I work, right, and it's true. And like I know that you know. And, and there are days that I'm like, yeah, you know what. We're not going to see you all day, that's fine. Like I know you, you have a ton of stuff to do, like that's fine. Go upstairs, close the door like, bang out the work that you need to work. Like I know you're not coming to bed, right. Like I know I'm going to fall asleep and you're going to be there by your, by your desk light, like typing away, right.
Speaker 2:
But then there are days that I'm like come on, like I like I want to see you. I personally haven't spoken to another adult all day. Like, luckily, you know, the teenagers have good stories that they like to share with me, you know, and me is always good for a couple of stories too. But like I want to talk to you, like you're my best friend, I, you know what I mean. Like yeah, I talk to my sisters all day and I talk to my mom and stuff like that, but it's via text usually or whatever, and sometimes I don't hear another adult's voice, you know, and I'm like sometimes we need you and it's that push and pull right. It's like right.
Speaker 1:
But I also think that in basically like me telling all these stories about it and like in like those hardships, is that in all of these these things, I have two choices to make. Either A, I can let them be the reasons why my kids don't know me, or that in my kids eyes, I'm unreliable, that I won't be there for them when they need me and so therefore, it turns into them not seeking me out when things get tough. Right and we can make the excuse of what will I have to provide? And it's like how you said before, like not everything is for you. There's times I need to learn to say no, because there's sometimes that there are times when my kids need me I. That needs to be number one, because there are only kids once.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, and I've said before and it's just something I think about every single day, when, like, the kids are telling me something and I'm like, okay, like why do you know? But I'm like they want to tell me this. They want like this is something so little right, like this is a tiny thing to them, but if I'm not listening to them, when they get older they're not going to tell me anything, right, and it's just kind of like what you just said, like they're going to be like well, I can't, you know, and I'm not saying that because the kids seek you out for everything you know, and they are very like they love you and they want you, like if, if you are there, like they want you, all of them, right, but you don't. I guess my point is like you don't want to work so much that they're just like, well, dad's not here anyway, so why am I even going to bother?
Speaker 1:
Right and that's, and ultimately, that's like, like the point of like, what this episode is for me is like if there's any bit of advice that I could give to anybody, like when they ask me, this is like and like, listen, listen to these stories and that understand that there's no amount of money and there's something that you said the other day that there's no amount of success.
Speaker 2:
I think that, yeah, yeah, no amount of success and money and business will ever be worth the success of your family.
Speaker 1:
Right, and that, to me, is something that I had to learn and have learned the hard way. And it's paid. I had to pay it through wiping tears off my kids' eyes because I I chose making money over and providing for them when it's like they could give a shit less. Anything is too. It's like it's yeah, we provide all these things, but it's just like, if your kid needs you be there for your kid Like and and and, because it's it's one day like that there's so much work out there, that like it's. And that's the thing is. It's like there's certain jobs like and that's another thing too it's like, when I think about it, the jobs that I would do at this right, and all of a sudden, like this person beats you up on the price or or they don't pay you, and it's just like man, like I killed myself.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And for what? Right Like I, I like, I think about it, like those times that I wasn't there for my kids and I chose to go somewhere else. Those jobs turned into nightmares and I remember being like man I sacrificed, not being there for my kids and my kids I. I upset my kids. And for what? Someone that that could give two shits.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
And for and for the money of of what, Like it. Like the money to me was like it wasn't even worth it, Right, Wasn't even worth it. And that's like the lesson that I learned. I'm like you know what, Sorry, like I can't be there right now and you can go somewhere else, and then at that point, if they don't call you, they want the customer for you.
Speaker 2:
Whatever, there have been times that I've had to be like no, you have to say no, like I think, like, just even like this past year. You know, my sister always hosts the party for the Santa Parade, cause it goes right by her house and we were out to breakfast, remember, and you got you got a call for an emergency Open or something in a restaurant.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I was at that point, the 99. It was like, yeah, commercial service.
Speaker 2:
I could see on your face you wanted to do it. Oh, big time. I could see on your face you wanted to do it. And one really good thing about you and I think any guys listening to this that have their own business, like you pretty much run everything by me. Like I like pretty much everything. And you were like what do you think? Like, should I go? Like, and I was like no, like no, like this is a day we're not getting back with our kids, we're out to breakfast with our family right now yeah, charlie was there.
Speaker 2:
Like this is time that we don't always get. The kids are teenagers, they have friends, they you know what I mean. Like, right now they want to be with us. Right, kiara's marching in the parade. Like the kids are going to get to be with their cousins and my parents are going to be there, and the guy at the 99 is not going to remember that you did this call for him five years from now, but the kids and I are going to remember that you were at this Santa parade with us every year.
Speaker 2:
Facts, right, yeah, but I think, like for me, if I could give any type of advice to wives of guys that own their own businesses, especially in the trades where the hours are not like if you're not working nine to five or whatever and it's something I'm still working on, it's something I've gotten better about, but I still have to work on daily is just like give grace. You know that your man probably, just probably would rather be with you guys but feels that pressure to provide, like feels that pressure that the mortgage is coming out in a couple of days. Like you know that you guys need groceries and you know that you're crazy and you want them to be all organic and so you're spending $250 that whole food every other day. You know like they can't. Yeah, because I'm like yeah, and things right, you know, and so I think like give him that grace. Like you know what, God, I'm so frustrated right now. Like I need another adult in this house. Like he probably wants to be one helping you. He probably does.
Speaker 1:
I mean, if he's anything like you, he wants to be like One thing that you do do that I don't know whether or not, if you know how much power it has is that, like you're great for that random like thank you for his work and as hard as you do in giving us a life that we have. Like that like is an absolute, like it's like Popeye eating the spinach and like like it is everything to a man. And in saying that, the effects that it has on us to keep us going, as well as to hear you and us want to relay that same feeling you gave us and give it back to you. Yeah, in the sense of that, like you know what, like I also appreciate everything you do here and you hold it down at the house. Like we're both doing what we gotta do for this family. Yeah, we're both working our asses of a fever though I'm not.
Speaker 2:
I'm not bringing in a paycheck, but like Right.
Speaker 1:
But it's like taking care of the kids, making sure that they're happy and healthy, and you know I have fresh, clean work clothes and and you know we have come home to meals and like and like you'll, you'll meal prep for me, or like you'll do this, you'll do that, like, and how much of everything. It's not just me in this. You know what I'm saying. Like everything is. It's not about like, oh, it's I'm making money or it's my money. It's no, no, no, no, no, no, it's like, or anything else like that. Like it's the team, like it's everything that, that that we do, Like in like the amount of value that you bring and the amount of strength, like I think it all comes from you. Like for me at least that is how it is for me Like I'm able to do the things that I do.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you would ask to pay me a lot if I took it a paycheck, you know True true.
Speaker 2:
But yeah, I do think it's like, just like I said, just give that grace, like be a team because you're right. Like when you tell me, like babe, like, oh my God, like you know dinner was amazing, and like thank you like for making sure all my work clothes are clean, or like the house looks amazing, like or you know God, I know you were driving all day today, like that isn't that sometimes is like enough for me to be like, yeah, you know what, like he might have had to work all day, but at least he took the time to say that to me.
Speaker 1:
Right, and then it's also like prioritizing my time with you. It's in the sense of that, like whatever, because there was times like that that like literally like I'll leave so early in the morning, I'll come back, and then it's like dinner, and then it's bedtime, and then it's like you're in bed and like this time is that like I'm just like I'm at the computer and then I'm like I'm like you know, I'll just shut the screen. I'm like, and I'll swan, dive onto the bed and just basically be like, and you're like, what are you doing? I'm like I just want to sleep with you. Yeah, Like, and it's just like being able to do those things, cause it's just at the S we're able to do what we can because we're in this together. Yeah, I think that that's probably the most, the biggest piece of advice I could give.