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Embarking on the journey of parenthood while launching a business isn't your everyday fairytale, but it's the life I've leapt into headfirst, and what a ride it's been. From the sleepless nights caring for my daughter, Selena, through her health struggles and breastfeeding challenges, to the seismic shift of our family's transition to a single income - our story is one of love, resilience, and relentless support for one another. As my partner and I navigated the waters of professional licensing and embraced a lifestyle change, we discovered the profound impact of shared domestic duties and the importance of recognizing each other's efforts in keeping our ship afloat.
The heart of this episode beats to the rhythm of personal growth and business development. I swap tales of mentorship, like guiding Jake with his unique learning approach, and recount the evolution from individual contributor to a leader who appreciates the value of every task, no matter how small. Hiring our first employee wasn't just a business milestone; it was a lesson in humility and adaptability. Join us as we pull back the curtain on the sacrifices made, the leadership skills honed, and the anticipation for our upcoming "Hard Hat Horizons" podcast.
We close by reflecting on the power of self-care and mutual support, grounding these concepts in the real-life experiences of managing a household and nurturing a marriage. Balancing the all-consuming role of motherhood with the pursuit of individual passions and well-being is a delicate dance—one that we hope will resonate with listeners walking a similar path. As we wrap up, we extend an invitation to join the conversation, share your stories, and become part of our growing community on this remarkable journey.
00:20 - Starting a Business, Being a Mom
12:58 - Building a Business and Overcoming Challenges
19:02 - Stay-at-Home Mom Identity Struggles
31:27 - Dividing Household Responsibilities and Understanding Needs
35:38 - Self-Care in Motherhood
45:42 - Promoting the Podcast and Requesting Support
So you want to talk about opening deciding to open the business and us deciding for me to become a stay-at-home mom?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, that was the day everything changed. You know Jesus. Yeah, well, I mean, it all started with me finally getting my license right. It was just okay.
Speaker 1:Opening the business? Yeah, but I became a stay-at-home mom before you even left Peterson.
Speaker 2:Right, right, but I think where was that, where was that at? And I was just, I'm just trying to, you know, have to like re-jog my memory, yeah.
Speaker 1:So Selena was born during COVID. Selena was born in April of 2020. And then I was supposed to go back to work. In July I had worked like part-time with Cammy. Remember I was working like a few nights a week.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And every other weekend at least, right, but then Selena was like so small, remember, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, okay, now, now, now exactly. Yeah, that's why you're here.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you Really.
Speaker 1:No, no no, that's why.
Speaker 2:I'm here For numerous reasons, but no, absolutely I remember that and it was just. It was the hardest thing I remember, because she was so little, because you breastfed Cammy up until Selena was born, yeah, and so you. We never knew about mature milk and in the milk of what babies needed at the time and things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it took a while for my milk to switch over to what Selena needed and it took her so long to gain weight and I had days of just like crying and like hysterically crying in the pediatrician's because she wouldn't gain weight. And it was so stressful and I remember like my heart was just really telling me like I don't want to leave her. I don't want to leave these kids and I think you were a little hesitant at first, I think, to have me stay home.
Speaker 2:Right, because obviously we think about it. It's almost everyone has a two income household, right, and it's just. And at that time it was just so crazy to think that we had like a total of $100 mortgage. And I know it's crazy, if only we had that now. But like I know we had like a $1200 mortgage, but I remember that it was. You know, we're still living in paycheck to paycheck, like we still haven't really made that big switch yet and yeah, we didn't have the income that we have now.
Speaker 1:Like it's not like if we decided to do that now you were just working at Peterson, getting your weekly check, and then you would do side work.
Speaker 2:And then we did side work and then you know what ended up happening. Was that exactly like you would tell me, and like all those stresses and anxieties that you had of like leaving Selena? But then it was also like here's another thing too. Like I know, you were probably like oh, just give him formula, whatever. No, because the thing is is that Selena was a nipple connoisseur. She only wanted Meg's breasts. That was it, she was so criminal and staged an absolute hunger strike. If you dared, come at her with a bottle of formula.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I mean I was trying every bottle in history. I bought one single bottle that costs $28. That's how bad. I was trying to take a bottle, because at that point she was like I'm not gonna pay back with that nipple. You're like this is going to be the one.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like oh, how much was it. She's like you like this, like $28, and I'm like let me feel this thing.
Speaker 1:This better be an actual nipple, it's better be a nipple.
Speaker 2:Someone cut it off someone's body and put it on thing and she was like, yeah, no, Nope, she never took a bottle.
Speaker 1:I could not leave the house for more than two hours at a time. She just wouldn't. She just wouldn't do it. She eventually started gaining weight. Obviously, she got nice and chubby again.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:All was all was well with the world. But it was a stressful time for me and I really it was on my heart big time that I wanted to stay home with the girls.
Speaker 2:And it was like one of those things that, like in the conversations that you and I had, because, obviously, like, lay down in bed and you tell me about how it is, that you felt about it and you know, at the end of the day, no one's going to take care of the kids like their mother, no one's going to love them and do all those different things. And at that point we made a decision of like you know what, like I, if we're going to do this, I just need your support, right, and I remember that I'm like I'm going to have to do side work and all these different things, and I think that that was at the catalyst like, kind of like, all right, we made a decision of like this is what we're going to do the best for our family, we're going to tighten our belt here at the house, like you know, we're going to take the cable off where we're going to do this, we're going to do that, like we're going to re budget. And that's what we did. Like it was just kind of like one of those things like for the betterment of our family, like we made that decision. And then I got licensed.
Speaker 1:Finally you got licensed that December. So it was kind of all, like it, kind of all ruled into each other Cause I think, like us also, knowing that most likely you are going to go out on your own after getting licensed.
Speaker 2:Right. It was like one of those things that, like I remember that I had like the idea in my head I'm like this, I'm like all right, I'm going to kind of here's this thing that been hanging over my head for like the longest time about the reasons why they're not paying me acts and things like that. And when I finally got licensed I went into it thinking like all right, it's, this is what I want. Like here. I gave him two scenarios Like all right, you're gonna give me whatever your cap is. And then, with the plan of like you're gonna bring me into the office and make me an estimator or something like that. Or you make me an estimator now and you put me on salary.
Speaker 1:Right, that was the only way you were gonna stay.
Speaker 2:That was the only way I was gonna stay and then, if you didn't wanna do either one of those, here's my two weeks, or I think I said I was like I'll finish this project, that I was wrong and I need to go off Cause. At that point, like it was some advice that my brother gave me that you know, I say it all the time now it was at that moment when I realized that they're never gonna pay me enough to live next door to them.
Speaker 1:No, definitely not. And now owning a business ourselves, like you get it. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a business, I get it, but like it was tough too, Cause I'm like I'm a hitter- Like I'm like, I'm like this yeah, no, you were like such a mean guy there. I was a major cog of the wheel and it was tough, but I get it from a business perspective. But then also, you know, those are them, I think, for me then still, even at that point where I was, I think I had visions and ideas of grandeur, like I saw things differently than they did, and I think they were in like this comfortable niche and that's where they like to stay. I'm in my wheelhouse, I don't want to get any bigger than this. This is where I'm at, and the thing is, is that my visions forward bigger, and now, looking back at it and looking at it, so it was exactly what needed to happen.
Speaker 1:And then it's just crazy, looking back on it, like we just started the business with literally nothing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're like, how are we gonna do this? Like yeah, literally we're living paycheck to paycheck. We had nothing in savings.
Speaker 1:I wasn't working. I mean we had already decided for me to be a stay-at-home mom.
Speaker 2:Right. But I think at this point, like I remember that, like we were on, like on an APA lease, money management wise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. In the sense of that, like, like we put the mortgage on auto pay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:That was a fucking flex. That was a flex when we put the mortgage on auto pay definitely. You know you made it. We're like we put extra in that shit too. Yeah, yeah we were paying extra to us principal yeah it was like that was a flex, that was a flex.
Speaker 1:Like you know, I waited until the 14th, but you know, yeah, no, we were in like a little bit better as far as like, oh, like we were keeping money in the bank and things like that. Right, excuse our dog, he barks at everything that comes by.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's like a bagged, a fruit bag. Yeah, so you know, that was probably like our big thing about it. And then what it is that we ended up doing, was that like we had that conversation. Yeah, you know, we had that conversation amongst each other. I might have to like go like GJ.
Speaker 1:GJ, gj. Yeah, one last little part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah so we had that conversation.
Speaker 1:You sold your motorcycle.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And then it was finally, Well, that was like for a lot of things, because the garbage, at that time I wasn't doing a lot of riding at that time and it was just collecting dust in the garage and stuff like that. And then finally I'm like you know what? Like we need to buy a truck, we need to do this, we need to do that, I'm like. And then I made a deal with you that you know I'm gonna sell the bike and we're gonna get it out of a record. I remember.
Speaker 1:I knew he was gonna bring this up. Yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2:So I made a deal with her. I'm like listen, I was so Cause, listen, my bike was like my. All right, it was a black bedding, it was awesome, it was a 2015 Real Glass Special mint. But anyhow, I made the choice of like listen, I'm gonna sell the bike to start the company and when the kids get to be about four or five, I'm gonna buy my other one, and you can't get mad at me for how much money I spend on it.
Speaker 1:And I said, okay, but now I take it back, and it's not about the money, it's not about my anxiety, so Because the kids are getting to be four or five this year. Yeah, it came too fast. It came too fast.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was definitely part of the best this year I've ever made, like we ever made. But we sold the bike and you know what that like? I think it was honestly blessings at that point. I think it was just things kind of started happening. It was right before COVID.
Speaker 1:It was during COVID, it was known as during COVID.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:That the whole bank fiasco thing, yeah, don't forget too, like the day you got your license. You came home and I was like I'm so proud of you and also, Brady has COVID and I was with him yesterday. So now you can't go to work for the next two weeks, Cause that was how the rule was at that point.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's right. If you had the exposure, it was all those different things. Oh my God, what a crazy time that was.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God Insane.
Speaker 2:Absolutely crazy time. But you know we made that decision right, so like with the, all right. So now we got the money, the we ended up. You know, we found the truck and it was everything. It was probably the most perfect thing in the world and it was a steal then too.
Speaker 1:It was a steal then, cause this was the end of 2020.
Speaker 2:Right, then it went nuts. Like that same truck goes for double 60,000, now Right. And that was the whole of what I paid for. And that was it Like. And it was. I remember, like you and I, like we sat down and we had that conversation. I'm like, listen, if we're going to do this, like I think I laid like, basically we laid out those expectations. I'm like this is a sacrifice that I'm going to need to make and I'm gonna have longer days. I'm gonna have those times I need to write out, to do this, like it was all these different things and it was, but it was telling you what I needed from you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I think I needed to like learn how to support you in that way right because when you were working a job for another company. You're gone from six to two every day, and then maybe you're doing side work, like you know two nights a week or something. but even then you're still home by like seven, right. I mean, for the most part now you are. But obviously when you were first starting the business, I mean there were days that I wouldn't see you from, you know, six am to nine pm, right. So. But those were obviously sacrifices that I knew that that we had to make you know so that the business could grow and that it could get to the point where it is now. I mean, back then you were saying, like all I have to do is make $500 a week, yeah, Now like all I have to do is make $5,000 a week A day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I need to make $5,000 a day. Oh, simple times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was. I mean because, think about it even when you hired your first guy, like you know, I was shitting bricks.
Speaker 2:I know I'm like, but it was funny because I remember like when, exactly like I was running myself right, I was doing tons of service calls with tons of service things in which you know, not turning nothing down, like it was literally doing everything it is in my power, and whether it was changing out an outlet, changing out a light bulb, changing out doorbells, like it was, whatever it was, like I'm, like I'm gonna do this and, like you know, here I am going from, like you know, like a walled ham. What I'm saying is that, from like work, work wise, like here, I am going to like these, like you know, hundred million dollar projects and like these massive, like awesome, cool working on cool shit, to, yeah, let me change out someone's guard disposal, let me like change out their outlet, and it was just kind of like wow, like it's the kind of go back to like those humble beginnings, right, yeah, and you know, finally we ended up, you know, gaining traction it, and it was just so much and I was just like, oh my god, like, and I think it was like three months in, I was like three months or four months it was three months in. Yeah, it was three months in that I'm like oh my god, I like I need somebody just to help me just set up the jobs, because that also killed me. Because, like sending it up, dropping off, um, cleaning up, it was like one of those things of like, well, now, let me set up.
Speaker 1:I was going that, but it was you needed a guy to set you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I needed a guy to basically set me up. Right, that was exactly where, where it was, and it was like also to break down a job. Yeah, right and get a clean up. That's what you really wanted a lot because I'm like it kills me because I would take all the time and prepping so that that way, like I can just work and I don't worry about like freaking mopping and why still mopping and did all the other stuff. But you know, I think that that's really what helped build our reputation, because we really cared for people's homes and I think that that that message kind of got out there right, but you know I may or forget that the way how I met Jake was through she was Mia's gymnastics coach. Mia's gymnastics coach was um Jake's fiance and she would see that I would, you know, pull up in like my leaded van and and I would sit in Mia's practices or go to her meets and stuff like that. And I have like my, my shirt and she's like, oh, like you know, all of a sudden get an email, yeah, and I'm like what the hell is this? and then she's like, oh, like hope you don't mind me, like emailing you and things like that and and like shout out Becca, yeah, becca and you know, she's like oh, like, my fiance went to school for electrical but he's having such a hard time finding a job, he's working at home. People right now, like are you looking for an apprentice? And at that time I'm like, yeah, like you know what. Like like I'm new up being a boss and he's green, like he doesn't know nothing and I can remember we were actually going to Florida.
Speaker 1:Remember just you and I like our first like baby trip by ourselves and I remember sitting in the dining room and I was setting up quick books with his information and you know we were paying him low at the time because he was a brand new apprentice and you being like what's, how much is payroll gonna be every? week and like freaking out and you're like oh my god, and I'm like don't worry, you don't have to pay him until like the week after next, like so like, oh my god, like how are we gonna handle this? Like I don't even know like $400 coming out of the account or something crazy, you know, and like just to think of like how it's scaled since then is so crazy oh right, like, and.
Speaker 2:But I remember, like the conversation that I had with him where I'm like, listen, dude, like I have no idea how to be a boss. I was like I know how to work, I know how to get work. I have a dream. I don't know how the hell I'm gonna get there either, but I know I'm gonna get there. I have a vision, you're a good teacher though well, I wasn't in the beginning with him because there was one point of contention not contention, but where obviously the evolution of me of, like you know, becoming a better father and at that point I was I became a better listener yeah you know there was times, you know that that and now like I feel like it, it's, it's kind of like we. I could probably do on the other podcast that we have coming up, when I really get dive a little bit more into the business side of it yeah, and where on the hard hat horizons podcast and in that podcast we're gonna kind of go through, you know, assuming a leadership role and how to basically pull greatness out of your guys and utilize them to how they work the right way, you know. So stay tuned for that. But you know, they kind of finish kind of this part because, like I said, it's kind of getting a little bit off topic.
Speaker 1:I don't want to get too far yet.
Speaker 2:That you know Jake was somebody that he learned differently and I was brutal and I was brutal with the guys before in the past, brutal, and it's stuff that I apologize for to those people that I'm like you know, sorry, like I just taught you the way how I was taught and it was a sink or swim and it was. It was so tough and it's like everyone's different, everyone learns differently, and so with Jake I was able to do that and, like you know, with Jake, like he's you know we always make the joke I'm like he's like he's like he's like he's like he's my son. That's actually I make him call me daddy at work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when I got the time sheets and like they did work here and he'll put daddy's house.
Speaker 2:I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:Jake relax, relax.
Speaker 2:Okay, he's the fucking best, you leave my boy alone. But yeah, yeah, it does like, but um.
Speaker 1:But yeah, I mean, I think you know, just to kind of tie it in, to like me becoming a stay at home mom around the same time, like as you were growing and the business was kind of flourishing like I was holding it down at home, but at the same time I felt like I was really like losing myself.
Speaker 2:Yes, because I mean, let's be honest you were pregnant for two years straight and by like in your breastfeeding and like, you're just like this vessel of life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I was pregnant, or pregnant. And or breastfeeding, and or breastfeeding for almost three years like straight. My body had no break. I mean, I was pregnant with Camila in September of 2018, had her in May of 2019 and I was pregnant again in August of 2019 and I literally breastfed her up until, like, I had Selena at 8.04 AM on April 29th and I was breastfeeding Camila at five o'clock that morning before we left for the hospital so, like when I say my body had no break, I mean my body had no break and it was really important to me to breastfeed both of them for a year, like that was something that I really wanted to do. But I didn't exercise, I didn't see friends, I didn't go, I barely would. Even I would see my sisters, but only if we were with the kids. And then, obviously, after Selena was born, it was COVID. I don't know if you remember, but when people were coming to meet her they would sit on the porch and then we would like hold her up like she was fucking Simba. Like here's the baby and they're like sitting outside and it's like mental to think about that time lost with loved ones, you know, and so you know the kids weren't even going to school, they were home, you know. So here I am, like homeschool, teaching them, not barely leaving the house breastfeeding. Camila was only one at the time and I was just so wrapped up in it I couldn't find myself at all. I gained so much weight.
Speaker 2:Oh, I mean, your identity at that time was like mother, wife. It was just, it was just, it was a role, essentially. It had no personality to it, it's just like well, this is my job.
Speaker 1:It's like clocking in, clocking out every day, yeah, and I can remember saying to you, like I don't even remember what I like, you know, like I don't like what do I like to do? What did I like to do before any of this happened to me, because it was such a whirlwind?
Speaker 2:It was you know, and it was like, you know, and even like, for me it was tough, because obviously we're just going through this together and like, and I think it's just it's so easy to kind of just lose sight of what's important in it, because I remember that there's a whole entire time exactly Like you're, just like you're just-.
Speaker 1:I was just a mom. That's what it felt like. You were just a mom, I was just a mom.
Speaker 2:And it's like now, like, like. I think for me was also learning that about that, like about you having that identity issue and kind of like well, and I think that there's like a lot of women out there that they never get out of that. You know, it's like I feel like as if it took me a long time. It took me a long time.
Speaker 1:Selena's almost four and I just feel like now I'm finally like a really good, happy version of myself that has things like outside of motherhood you know, Right, but I've still struggled with it. At times, like you know, I tried to go back to work. That whole fiasco. Yeah, but I mean like the reason Because I would say like I just feel like I'm not doing anything tangible, like I can clean all day, the house is still a mess. I do laundry all day, every day. I still have to do laundry the next day, like where is it coming from? You know, I take care of the kids, I nurture the kids, but like you can't physically see that, you know that's what I felt like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think you wanted something more of like checks and balances and the sense of that. Like you know, it's exactly like tangible, it's just like one of those things is just like well, this is what I'm putting into it, Like it's like almost like putting a dollar amount to it Exactly.
Speaker 1:And I always worked right. Like I, you know, I was a pharmacy tech for years and years, like when Carly was younger. Like I had a job that I loved at CBS. You know I tried 17 different stores that I traveled to. Like I had so many friends. Like I was, you know, constantly out if Carly wasn't with me and like dinners and all that stuff. And then when you and I first met, that's what it was like too. And then like boom, everything just kind of like got taken away from me and it was so hard. Because it's like I'm so grateful that I get to be a stay at home mom. I don't want anyone to think that like that's not the case, because I would never want anybody else to be with my kids. Like I've gotten to experience every single thing with them, you know, and not just the babies, even the older girls. Like I'm here when they get home from school. I am able to go to all their sporting events. Like if they want to talk to me, they know I'm in the house, you know. So it's not that I'm not grateful, but it just especially at first and really for, like I don't know, probably three years right. I just really struggled with those feelings of, like what am I even doing? Like what am I bringing to the table? And I would say to you even remember, like I would have nothing if it wasn't for you.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think that that was like one thing that I, you know I would always say it to you too Like it was things I would tell you. I'm like, well, no, like you do a lot for us here, like you do a lot here in this home, like, and at what, it finally got to a point where it's like it didn't matter anything. I told you. It's something that you felt within yourself and, realizing this like, well, these are your feelings, right, and this is the way how you feel about it. And then so I think at that point, we, like you, you found a job overnight and we're like okay, like we'll make it work, and things like that. And we tried it out. And I'm like I think it was like a couple of weeks of that and I remember I'm like, yeah, no, it's not working for me, like I missed you. It was, it was like I did not like not being with you. Then, on top of that, it's how much we relied on you. Like you were like the glue of this family, like you were the one that Like you, like you were just that major cog in the middle of a clock and that without of it, nothing moves on time, and that was how it was, because as soon as you removed your piece from it, yes, did it work. Or did this get done? Yeah, but it was a fucking mess.
Speaker 1:I know no girls were like what is going on? Like where is megan?
Speaker 2:It's seven o'clock dinner's on the table, like we're usually eating by five, and I'm like the kids are going to bed at 10 and I'm like I'm trying my best. That's something like you know what I'm saying. And it's not like, and like it was just. But it was not only that, it's just. It just didn't feel like home. Yeah, and that's what it was. For me is like no, like we need Maggie, like we need mom home, like it's. And that was the conversation we had that were just like hey, but Mike, like this doesn't work without you, like you you need to be here, this is your job here. Like this is your role here. And at that point I think you finally saw the value and what it is that Like it's. Like you need to kind of go through that in order to see that value.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I had to kind of like go back to work to realize how much I actually was needed here, because I started to feel like, oh well, like you know, the babies go to school A couple days a week and the older girls are in school like I don't know, I'm just like not as needed anymore. That that's what I was feeling like. And then I went back to work for like three weeks and realized how much Everybody needs me for literally everything. Yeah, because shit, I'm like I I can't do what I need to do and it was like the hardest thing and like well, was stressful too right, because, like as a business owner you don't really know Necessarily, like you don't work just like a six to two every day no right. So on those nights if I was going in at three, then like I would need you to like rush home and it just really like complicated things for us. But I do think like that was kind of like a good, kind of like wake up call for me in a sense to be like no, you know what, like what I, what I'm doing as a stay-at-home mom, really does have value and it is important. But what I think that we kind of realized after that was like okay, like I need To do things for myself, though Like I can't, just like I can't keep going like this, like it's not healthy for me.
Speaker 2:Right. And then the other thing is too was that in in all of that, another thing that that I think that that we didn't really touch upon yet was the fact of that, because you had that stress, or like like you didn't value what it was that you did if things were not done in the house, the amount of guilt you carried within yourself of like, well, jeez christ, like I'm a stay-at-home mom, like what else? What? Like why can't I just get this thing done?
Speaker 1:or like all these I would say that to you, you would say it to me, and I'm like this is the only like, this is my only job and I can't even do it.
Speaker 2:Right and I'm like what are you talking about? Like. I would come home and you would be upset.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean just fyi. Like Kyle never made me feel, feel any of these things like, but that was how I felt, like it was something deep rooted in me like, oh my god, like I can't have him come home and not have the laundry done, like he was out working all day Like what was I even doing? But then what I actually started doing was if I felt like that I would write down everything that I actually did In the day not for you but for me, so that I could look and be like Jesus, like I'm so hard on myself for not getting this laundry done. But when I write down everything I did today, it's like 40 things, you know, not to mention that like Part of that is just like being there emotionally, right and physically for my kids, you know right and, like you said, it's like, because it's nothing tangible, right, it's stuff that's all sight unseen, you know it's.
Speaker 2:You're like, well, what I had to show for it, you know what I'm saying. So it's like one of those things. And so, like I remember like those times of like coming home and you're like, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't this one. Why are you sorry? Like tomorrow's another day, you can just do it tomorrow it's no big deal. But then also my role in that coming home but then also seeing like, if there's something else that's going on, it's my house too. I'll come home and and I'll help out right, I'll clean. It's not like as if like, oh well, I've been out all day making the money. You guys take another house like that wasn't something that I believed in either. It was something like this is my house too.
Speaker 1:These are my kids too. Yeah, these are my kids too.
Speaker 2:Like and and and. If I make your life easier, you're gonna make my life easier, and that was like one thing that we learned with each other. It's like the more more that I poured into you, the more you get a pour into me. Like I you know what I'm saying like, so like I would come home and if I did see that your stress, or if I did see because it is tough emotionally, I get it because there's so much shit going on in the day- there isn't.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you don't talk to another adult Right.
Speaker 2:That was very hard for me, you know and it's like this overstimulation of, like these bright color shows and all these different noises and you know all these different things. That goes on. That, like you know, as man, like I said, it's very different for men Like we can compartmentalize a lot of different things, we can see things and treat things a lot differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not, not me. Like my brain would be literally on fire, like I would be like my body, hearts, because you know the noise and the sound, the lights and the like, everything you know, and then so, like you know, I get this moment.
Speaker 2:I would see like that, like you're checked out there, you're just like I, you're just trying to get through something just to, just to get to just sleep, and it's just, oh yeah, there were days that I would just be like, I just Need to go. I need the state of you over, I need to go to bed and like those are times just like where it's like you listen, you pay attention to your spouse, right? And you just like, all right, just go lay down, like you know, we'll take care of cleanup, we'll do this, we'll do that, and it's just.
Speaker 1:For me it was like that would almost sometimes like compound my guilt Right, because that's that.
Speaker 2:That's the reason why I kind of want to just get it out there, because, like you would basically feel like more wrong about yeah, no, I don't want you to have to do that. You've been working all day. Yeah, I mean, babe, like I got it like, or if, if I was beat to like, we'll both beat them. Dishes getting done in the morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, except that's like.
Speaker 2:But, then.
Speaker 1:But that's the thing is, it's like you're just learning those things, right.
Speaker 2:But then like so, but the way how I would do it, because like learning that about you, it's like coming down and seeing a sink full of dishes if I got up or I always get up before you for the most part and then also, if I can move the bed, I can leave out of the bed and the kids won't wake up if you move. You're like Time to go and it's just. And I like we've also known that like I think kids with their father is much different than the kids with their mother because, like, like my kids, like our kids, like when they're with me they're absolute saints. like I'll be like okay, do you want? You want me to make you breakfast? Yep, this is what I want, and they'll do their own thing. Right, no problems, nothing like that. If she was to do like, oh, I'm gonna make you breakfast, why isn't it done yet? I want a smoothie. Oh, no, I don't want a smoothie. I'll have some pancakes instead, and it's just like absolute harassment. It's harassment. I'm like you guys are bullies.
Speaker 1:Get away from her my aunt and would always say like if anybody else treated you the way that your kids treat you, you would have them arrested.
Speaker 2:I Always used to say that when our kids a little it's facts, like it's facts and but like the thing is, is I like, did very different with me, and things like that. Oh, yeah, so like I would wake up early and and if I saw something that was going to start your day off that way, I took care of it like I would unpack the dishwasher, yeah. I would reload it. Um, you know, if it was sweeping, if it was, you know, like I said, like one thing, the little small gesture of like Putting your coffee mug in the coffee maker and just leaving the coffee pod there. It's Something so small in this in the case. No, I'm bringing you coffee in bed, but the fact of the matter is is that I just put that step of like putting that coffee mug there, putting that cake up in there and just leaving it ready, and it just lets you know that I'm thinking of you. Yeah, I hope you have a good Saturday a day, you know, and I think it's like those little small gestures that you know matter, and in supporting each other, like and same thing, like You'll, you'll write me notes in my lunchbox? Yeah, do you know what I'm saying, like and that's, it's cool, like especially that us, that guys man, like we need Affection more than than than anyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like we need that validation and we need that support. Like we need that. Like that, add a boy and and it's, it's like. It's it's like how they say like men are dogs and women are cats. Like it's it's, we're that simple. Like we're very task-oriented, we need to have a job, and when we do a job, well, be like, oh good boy, you're like, yeah, it's like you know what I'm saying. Like it's that's how simple we are as as, as creatures like and as people like, and it's um, you know. So I think it's like an understanding and taking those times and obviously you know, getting to know the complexities of you at At time and in understanding you, but then also knowing, like, just how simple you are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I think, like for me, like I would need those moments with you, like just me and you in bed, like after everyone was asleep, like so that we could just talk, so that I could like speak to another grown-up, you know, and that was the only time that I felt like I could decompress and that was the only time that I like felt like myself, you know, and I think like just kind of like going back to like our self-care episode, um, I realized that like my feelings about being a stay-at-home mom and like how bogged down I was in motherhood and like not having anything else for myself like made those things so much harder for me, you know, because I was like no, I can't do that, because you know I can't leave my kids, I don't like leaving my kids, I never like leaving my kids. Like I would have so much anxiety that it like wouldn't even be worth it to me.
Speaker 2:You know, and I think you kind of were like you know, like we have to do this, like we have to take time for ourselves A, for our marriage and B, so we can be good for them you know, right, I remember there was points of like, because you were so reluctant to do it, because you felt that I remember that, like I used to make a spa day for you, I would schedule hair nails, pedicure, like massage, like a whole day, but then here I am doing that and then, like the whole entire time, you have anxiety because you're like I'm away from my kids for so long.
Speaker 1:I'm kidding my phone. And what if something happens?
Speaker 2:and it's like and here I am like I'm just thinking, I'm like, if she doesn't do it, like who is right? And so I'm just like fuck it, I'm just gonna just send her there. I'm like she deserves it, right. But then, like, here I am thinking like I'm doing this grand, awesome gesture, but then you're like the whole entire time like I like how's this feel, feels great, and you're just nervous as shit, you're just, and you're just like, oh my god, like is everything okay, and it's just that part never shuts off.
Speaker 1:No, it never shut off for me, because I can remember like one time I was going grocery shopping but I was like I'm just gonna get a pedicure first and the pedicure took like longer than I thought it was gonna take. She was like just taking her time doing it and I was sitting in the chair like I can't go grocery shopping, like I've already been away from my kids for an hour and a half, like I was only planning on being away from them for an hour and a half total. Like that's really how crazy. My mind was with it at the time and honestly, I still don't like leaving the kids. You know it's still something that's hard for me. I mean, we went away, you know, to Denver for Seedia in September and I had a panic attack at the concert that we were at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that was that was yeah. Like I said, there was a major husband points for me.
Speaker 1:I always say thank god, I'm a nice husband, oh my god, yeah, yeah, we had to leave before the person who we went to see even came on the main event happened, but that's.
Speaker 2:The thing is like, I'm like I'm looking at her, I'm like she's just ready to just, but but in fairness, that was a long day, it was a lot that day and things like that, and so it's just they were starting school and it was just a whole thing.
Speaker 1:But you know I still. I just I just say it to say that, even after learning to like, prioritize myself and do things for myself, and that it's okay to leave them and like if they're with my mom, they're having a better time than they are having with me yeah. I just say all that to say that, like I still it's, I still struggle with those feelings because I know there's so many moms out there that struggle with that. I know there are.
Speaker 2:Right, right. And like I said, I mean, like I mentioned before earlier, that some moms never break out of that and like they just lose themselves and then, and then losing themselves, they lose their marriages, and that's how the?
Speaker 1:I was gonna say that I don't know how, how in the world we we kind of like kept our marriage as good as it was when I was feeling like that. Do you remember?
Speaker 2:Honestly, I think it's because we just communicated like, yeah, all the time, and and I think for me, because of the way how my brain works like I'm very solution-oriented, so it's just like I'm just like all right, let me think. And you know what, now it just came back to me. I remember, like I was doing research, I'm like, oh, maybe you should just start doing this and like maybe you should start doing that, like, oh, I read this somewhere and things like that. And then, but I think, if you remember, you know, brando was going through a two and then, like you guys, I did, I kind of hooked you guys up with that, because she was like, oh, my god, like I'm feeling it too, because like her kids were basically born almost like right around the same exact time as Camila and Selena.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because, yeah, because Geo her son's a day older than Cammy, so it was just you know it was like one of those things that you know.
Speaker 2:I think at that point we started looking for outlets and things like that, and then we started going on walks, we started doing like other different things that we're like, well, just find out, whatever it is. But then also, I think it was like you communicating to me like well, this is how I'm feeling, and then basically saying to you like all right, well, let's carve out some time, like, like you know, go for a walk or go for a drive or read. That's what it was, that's what it was you. You should go for a drive and read in your car yeah you would literally read in your car by yourself. That's what it was. It was. That was kind of like the beginning of it, that yeah, would go drive in park in a parking lot. You would park in a parking lot and grab a coffee and read, yeah, or you would go, or you would go to the library. That's what it was. Yeah, because now I would talking about that was exactly what it is you did. That's how you started. It was that little step that you did for yourself and you know. And then eventually it's just like. I think at that point you're like you know what I think of me saying it to you. Enough of like listen, like if you don't take care of yourself or if you don't feel good about it, you're just you're never gonna get better. And you're like you know what, let me go get my nails on. And you get your nails on and you'd feel better about it. And that was like a little small thing, because you always bit your nails your whole entire life and yeah, so you know the fact that you were like you know what, I'm gonna get my nails done, I'm gonna go into this and like do it this way, and it was like those little things like that just compounded. And to finally the point of like you know, like you just said, yeah, you're able to do things and like you're able to enjoy them, but you still kind of care, like you obviously still carry some of the guilt with you yeah, and I think that that comes with the territory being a great mom like I feel like, dude, you're just always gonna worry, you're just always gonna you know, I think it's just being a great mom.
Speaker 1:I think that, yeah, I think like even my mom and aunt say like it never goes away like you. So worry about your kids, even when they're in their 30s.
Speaker 2:You know, like if they have their own kids and stuff like that, they're always gonna be your babies and and that's just, and that's just like with what it is, and but I think it's like we've mentioned before in previous episodes of, like you know us, taking care of ourselves also teaches them something yeah, it's just a good example for them, right?
Speaker 1:because I, I would say that to you too. I'm, like I would feel so upset if one of my kids becomes a mother and this is how they feel. I would feel so bad, like I would. I would tell them like don't, like it's okay, like you can go out, like you can. It doesn't make you not a good mom just because you have hobbies or things that you enjoy outside of being a mom, like and I would say that to them, or I would say that to my friend or whoever, but I was so hard on myself about it right, it's like it's how it always is right, like it's like you.
Speaker 2:You can say you can have the best advice for everybody else, but it's like God forbid you take your own fucking advice it's so true.
Speaker 1:It's like.
Speaker 2:I know all the answers, but it ain't gonna work for me. Yeah, yeah, or it's like. It's like it's like when you give your friends advice, but I'm just, I don't know though.
Speaker 1:Like that I don't know, though, just claim off.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly that way if she goes south, freaking you're not on you, but anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we just want to thank all you guys for listening. We've been getting so much good feedback. Like we love hearing your stories. We have a lot of amazing guests lined up for you. I can't wait for you to hear their stories and if you want to come on the podcast, let us know yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2:Just go ahead and visit our pod page and on that pod page there is a referral, not a it's our request link right there at the bottom. Just go ahead and just fill out your information. What, what, what topic she it is you guys want to talk about, and we're more than happy to set it up. We're have a nice set up going right now where we can do remote as well, so not just anybody that's local. But, um, honestly, like my wife had just said, I just want to just sincerely thank you guys for all the support that we've gotten and stay tuned there's a lot more greatness coming oh, and please like the page and subscribe on Apple Spotify YouTube yes, subscribe yeah that was good, yeah, and leave reviews. Leave reviews reviews and all that stuff for us that help support the page. But then also, um, we did launch a new option that if you guys wanted to support us in a monetary way, um, we got for shout out sticks like that. Check it out, and uh, let's know what you think.