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Have you ever stumbled across a social media trend that made you pause and question the message it sends to our children? We've all had those moments, and in our latest podcast episode, we tackle the disturbing trend of memes that disrespect family members, particularly focusing on one that silences them on Christmas. Through an honest conversation, we dissect the implications of such images and the damaging messages they propagate about family dynamics and the value of each member's voice.
Navigating the complexities of modern relationships and parenting is no small feat, and our discussion leads us down the path of prioritizing meaningful connections over the constant pull of our phones. We share personal stories and insights on the impact of distracted communication, emphasizing the significance of truly listening to our partners and kids. Join us as we explore the fine balance between managing entrepreneurship and the invaluable moments of undivided attention with loved ones, a balance that can fundamentally shape the well-being of our families.
Wrapping up, we candidly discuss the evolution of parenting roles, the pressures of societal norms, and the importance of leading a purposeful life. From confronting stereotypes around gender roles to encouraging our children to stand up for themselves, we share our journey towards mindful living. We invite you to listen in as we delve into these weighty topics, offering a sincere look at how we're trying to forge a path that honors our individual and family values amidst the chaos of the modern world.
00:00 - Discussion on Inappropriate Social Media Trends
04:47 - Communication and Prioritizing Relationships
08:41 - Parenting and Gender Roles Discussion
15:07 - Parenting, Boundaries, and Alcohol Culture
26:34 - Modern Parenting and Social Media Pressures
39:19 - Laundry Sorting and Control Freaks
44:04 - Modern Parenting Roles and Support
48:53 - Gender Roles and Family Dynamics
01:01:00 - Navigating Life and Relationships With Purpose
We'll go today to his violence. Yeah, no, it's. Yeah, it's probably like, probably like. One of the greatest things I love about our marriage is that obviously it's. We're very much a couple of like you say, any tell the memes from the toilet, it's a. It definitely like those fun things. But you know, one of the other things too is that obviously, with social media and the stuff that we send to each other, we see all these trends and you know, husbands trashing on their wife, wives trashing on their husbands, wives trashing on their kids. Yeah, we always say to each other all right.
Speaker 2:Yo, what are they getting out of it?
Speaker 1:I just don't understand it. It's and it's something that you know you and I have gone into like super long debates about it. Like and just and it's not just super long debates is that we'll end up just talking about it, and it would be something like so quick of like the one person that they should be having the conversation with they're not. Yeah, and instead they're having it with you know, a million people on Instagram or whatever Right and like, so, like one of the ones that I really for me, it drove me in saying it was, I think it was a Red around Christmas time, right.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And you know it was a picture of a guy in his son and they have like duct tape over the daughter's mouth and the wife's mouth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it says finally a silent night.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm just kind of like and I, and like I said, it's like I'm not saying, like I'm a wet blanket here, like in the sense of like we have no sense of wheelbarrow or whatever.
Speaker 2:I love dark shit.
Speaker 1:Like I'm pretty, pretty, pretty effed up in that. Yeah little twisted. Yeah, I'm a little twisted, so like I like dark humor. But the certain-. Yeah, but that is not funny at all. There was, there was, it was a. It was a lot of disrespect Cause obviously it's like the nagging wife or like in the daughters who won't shut up.
Speaker 2:They just keep talking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like-.
Speaker 1:Right, and then it's just like. But just how that affects them so much in their mind of like and then also them like. You gotta think about the level of trauma it takes to like basically agree.
Speaker 2:To you putting duct tape on my mouth.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and taking a photo like hey honey, where at C Is that, what a good thing. I'm on Some duct tape with a tape, yeah, where the shishly teddy shoes. You know what I like.
Speaker 2:Can't wait to send this Christmas card out. Like, are you joking? Nah, like I'm just kind of like my mom would slap me if that card your mom, your mom would slap you and kill me.
Speaker 1:I know, that's it, that's it. It's as simple as that. But you know, I think it's like, that's like the funny thing about it. Oh, that's the funny like about what Sarah would do to it. Yeah, but you know, I think that it's just crazy to think that, of all the things you can choose to do, right, and I get it like being something that's outside of the box or these things that's so different. But I'm like that's a whole nother level. But the other thing is too, it's just like you just telling your kid that all you hear is I'm just gonna be okay.
Speaker 2:Well, your daughter is especially right because, think of it, right Like we have five daughters. Obviously everybody knows we're duct-taping their mouths in mine, basically saying, like you shouldn't have an opinion, what you think doesn't matter in this family, what you think doesn't matter in your future relationships, like whatever your boyfriend or your fiance or your husband or your wife or whatever says it goes like, what is that teaching them? I just don't like the messaging behind that.
Speaker 1:Right and like for me, like haven't helped anybody. Who?
Speaker 2:I know that's what I'm saying Instant death, instant death. You got that. That's what I'm saying and I'm not like a super, like fuck the patriarchy type person. You know what I mean, like at all, but I don't know. That's just gross to me, like that one, really, like I remember I said that to you. I was like this is so disgusting.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and that was like I said. I mean like, even for me it's exactly, it's like. But then I also think about it like from a husband's perspective, right, like I would never want you to sound talking to me, right? Because that's where the problems start, right?
Speaker 2:I mean just that you think about it. Like when you were going through kind of like a hard time at work and we were out for a walk in, I was like I just have to tell you something. Like you are picking up your phone in the middle of every conversation that we have, like, and it's starting to make me feel like you don't want to talk to me, deprioritizing you, yeah. And guess what's going to happen? Eventually, I'm just going to stop talking to you because I'm going to feel like my opinion doesn't matter or what I'm talking to you about doesn't matter, and, of course, like you were immediately apologetic and like you would never want to make me feel that way.
Speaker 1:Well, right, because I remember that what I said to you at that point was that I'm like you know what. You're right, I'm sorry, like it's something that I knowingly do, and I think that what you said, the next thing to me, probably out of the world, to me, you're like the business is not going to fall apart.
Speaker 2:In 10 minutes.
Speaker 1:In 10 minutes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in the 10 minutes that I want to tell you like how my day with the kids was.
Speaker 1:It's just why you're undivided attention, and that's another thing too. It's like you're with the kids all day, you're with all the kids, the babies, and then you're not talking to another adult. And then, in the exact case like it's like those moments where it's just like you're just like so happy that I'm there, yeah, that gets touched, yeah, like, rather than me like basically saying like being happy too, that like I'm happy that I'm home and that I get to be with you, cause I miss you. Oh For you, my back pocket.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:But you know it's one of those things is that that's a hard thing, right? I think that it's funny it's a conversation that I have with a lot of other friends of mine too that that's like another whole, another topic we can kind of get into about, you know, from the business owner perspective, in the sense of that it's so hard to shut it off.
Speaker 2:Oh for sure, because it's not like the typical nine to five where you leave everything at the office or even when you're working for somebody else, like you come home and you're like well, whatever, that's so-and-so's problem now.
Speaker 1:It's not my problem now, but when you own the business, everything is your problem, right, and you're just worried about like, if I don't answer this phone call, that's a lost opportunity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not gonna get this job and then I'm not gonna have the money to feed us and it's like you know it just, it just is such a spot, Urgence, it's like urgency, yeah, I mean, but not me. If that's off topic, then you know what.
Speaker 1:I mean.
Speaker 2:Kind of rabbit hole there. But I just think that the whole duct tape thing is like the messaging is like I don't wanna hear what you have to say, and how disheartening is that to a woman or a little girl. Like, just think about, like you know, selena just wanted to tell you last night, like that, when she fell, that her little friend asked her if she was okay. Like they wanna tell you what happens at preschool. And I always think of like that thing that you always see that it's like the little things are the big things to them and if you don't listen to the little things, then as they get older they're not gonna tell you the big things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's massive, yeah, and it's that's just the craziness part of it. It's everything that's like that. You know. It's that point of you know exactly Like I think about with, like, the kids and with you, and those feelings of that like and just you guys just not wanting to talk about it. But then, like, most importantly, it's just the whole photo thing is what gets me so tripped up. That's why I was just trying to like I had like a little bit of like. I was trying to find back where it was, cause like that photo part was a part that had me so tripped up. Yeah, and it was the post on social media and it went viral and it's on social media now, oh yeah, forever, and it's on the internet forever. And that's something that I think a lot of people don't really truly understand at times that you know there's a lot of great things and a lot of bad things with social media and that's one of the things that you know not understanding, like the lifelong ramifications. That may not be a big deal now, but it could be something in the future. It could be something in the future for that kid. Yeah, 100%. And then it's just kind of like, you know, let's say that something went down. I was like, well, this is where it went wrong. Where it is, I can tell you the day it was actually when you posted it on this day at this time.
Speaker 2:Well, I just think about it like I don't know and like whatever. They think it's a joke, they think it's funny. But it's like you're just setting your kid up to like never have an opinion at school, never have an opinion at work, to just blindly follow any male that comes into their life because the son doesn't have duct tape on his mouth. Like no fuck that His opinion is more important than theirs.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I didn't even think about it like that.
Speaker 2:Well, because, think about it, they're the same age. It's not like it's just the dad and all the kids and the wife have duct tape on their mouth. The son don't Like. What messaging is that? Just the whole like, oh you know, sister, make sure your brother doesn't get into trouble. Or like, sister, make sure that the laundry gets done, but the brother just gets to lay on the couch. Yeah, snacking on chips, yeah, exactly, it's like that old school. My mom always took care of my mom's one of nine four boys and five girls, and she always tells the story like that. She was in the shower and her grandmother, my great-grandmother Biggie, came into the bathroom and said Sarah, get out of the shower, the boys just got home from football practice and they need to get in. But that was like the mindset, like the boys were, like that was the boys who are more important and that's just. It's the same thing.
Speaker 1:It was funny was that it's like it's like also now it also is culturally. I saw a meme the other day where it's Spanish family, right, and so the daughter's recording the mom and like the mom made a bunch of tamales and stuff like that. And then she's like, you know, it did ring up all the tamales. She's like there's a bag. She's like oh, who's that bag for? Oh, that's for chippy, whatever. Oh, who's this bag for? Oh, that's for like molasses or that. Oh, and then who's the pop for? Oh, that's for my, that's for my prince. I was like I'm bringing tamales.
Speaker 2:I'm like. It's like that's how the girls would say I am with Brady. So yeah, glasshouse, yeah.
Speaker 1:It's like, but yeah, no, it's, it's right. I mean, like there's just so many different things. I mean like really the war and more. Like you break it down, you can kind of, you can go, you can really go on tangents, yeah, break this thing down, but it's just like. You know, it's just things like that, like and so like you know, we talk about that Also we talked about, you know, before when it came to like our kids right and us, you know, making sure they have a voice right, cause, like it's so common, like I think, like generationally, I think like especially how like we grew up right. Well, I'm going to say we, because obviously I grew up much different. So it's, it's like one of those things is just like when you were a kid, like you weren't entitled to an opinion. You, you literally do as I say, do as you're told, and shut out.
Speaker 2:Be a good girl. That's a good girl. That's the biggest thing.
Speaker 1:That's the stuff that has triggered me so much now, that has beat me being a father, that that, how much we ingrain and how much we teach our kids, especially girls, that the people pleasing part of it and then in how it manifests itself as they get older, that they allow for guys or people in their life to treat them like shit, and it's like the one thing that you know, and it's, and it's and it's because it's like, well, just be a good girl, be a good girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it teaches you to go against your gut feeling. It teaches you to not trust your body, Like because, so, yeah, because so many times you know, you see a guy and you're like, no, I don't, I don't get the best feeling from, from this person, right, but you're like I don't want to not be polite, I can't, I can't not be polite. Like what if someone thinks I'm a bitch? Like that's literally like that's. Because you, you are taught from a very young age like no, you, just you, just you be a good girl. You listen to whatever anybody else says, you don't cause a problem, you know, and I think that's kind of like why we, we really especially I think it took us a long time to learn it but like it's hard, Like when Carly questions like something that I, that I say from me, not to just immediately like snap back and be like well, because I'm telling you to do it because I'm your mom, because I'm your mom and you should just do it. When I'm like, wait a second, she should have an opinion Right. Like she should be able to say like oh, mom, I don't know about that.
Speaker 1:Like. I think that's what it is. I think it's it's it's finding the balance of respectfully telling your feelings and setting a boundary respectfully. I think that that's like the fine line of parenting that we try to instill in our kids of like, learning how to be diplomatic while being stern and and and confident in themselves. Of basically like yeah, listen, like this, this is not working for me. Like and which is like. You've seen that I think, like my, my, my favorite Selena story about like when, when she gave the kid three, three, three chances to like you know, she punched a kid after school, yeah, and we're not violent people. We do not no one hits in our house or like that but we do tell kids. It's like don't go look before a fire, but never back down from one Like it's well, and we're big on on on bodily autonomy, right?
Speaker 2:So you tell the kids, like, if you don't want someone near you, you can't. If they're near you, you tell them I need space. That's, that's the big. Like I need space, don't touch me. Don't touch me if I didn't ask you to. Like, we are very big on that.
Speaker 1:So Selena, selena, basically this kid was bothering her. She's like I need space. Kid didn't give her space. I need space. He didn't give us the space. So finally, she's like I'm telling you I need space, kid didn't give us space. Just give him one of these.
Speaker 2:Right to the stomach, right in the gut, no matter, you were like no, no, she probably didn't actually punch him, maybe it was just a push. And then we're like Selena explained it and she's like me, told him me need space. He didn't listen. So me punch him like this. And I'm like, okay, right in the stomach, okay. And then I'm like I'm not even going to be mad at you because you reserved the right. I don't care that she's only three, I'm instilling it in her now. You reserved the right to tell someone I don't want you near me right now and just to tie it all back into that stupid fucking picture. Right, if we were duct-teeping their mouths for a joke. Christmas card, finally, a silent night. She's not going to be able to stick up for herself. She's just not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the other thing is, too, is like I think about, like the way our kids are. Even if we said, oh, we're going to do this, they're like, no, you're not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they wouldn't even let us they wouldn't even let us, yeah, I don't think. I don't think which is good. Maybe that's a, maybe that's a testament to our parents.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like, I'm just like yeah, you're not going to do that. I'm sorry. You go like, yeah, but then, like, I think there was that and then, like, since we're on the kid topic, you shared a photo, another meme, with me where the clothes.
Speaker 2:Oh, this drove me crazy and like this is a tough one, because obviously I've said before, like I stopped drinking, I haven't drank in almost seven months and I have no intention of starting to drink again. And I don't want to sound judgy because, like I don't care if people drink or whatever, like everyone can do whatever the fuck they want. Obviously, it just wasn't working for me in my life anymore. But here's this picture. This little girl is two years old. This is actually. This wasn't a meme, this was actually someone that I know or someone that I follow, but she's two years old and it's just like a black sweatshirt and then on the back it says I'm the reason mama drinks and I'm just like ew. And the person that posted it posted like, oh, everyone in the grocery store judging me right now, and I'm like, well, yeah, yeah yeah, this is the reason why I smoke crack.
Speaker 1:I think it's like, yeah, I mean, and this thing is, it's like it's. You know, you can kind of go on and on so many other different levels that the more and more you add to it, like if you just change one thing out for another, it's like if me changing it and putting in is crack right, just as if it was actually like like difference of like alcohol and like there's a conversation I got into like this is just kind of like another change. We can probably have another conversation about this before too. But you know, like me and my brother were talking about like an alcohol, because same thing I stopped drinking, my brother stopped drinking. It's just like that just don't work for us in our life anymore. And you know, but in how alcohol is like that one so wildly accepted form of abuse that you're putting onto your body, it's crazy.
Speaker 2:Like you would never say to somebody like oh well, you're not going to do coke today Like you never would you want to crack, like I've talked about this so much because and I've been guilty of it in the past too Like oh, why aren't you drinking? And it's like you wouldn't even ask. And like, just use weed as an example, right, which now is legalized and most people use it in some form or the other, like medicinal purposes, to marijuana, and we like but you still, if you were, if you were smoking a bowl, right, and you went to pass it to like our neighbor when we were like sitting around the house or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And she said, oh no, you want to be like, why don't you want to smoke weed? Yeah, you want it, right, everybody is doing it. And you're like, why don't, why don't you want to shot? And it's so backwards right, because literally more and more research is coming out that alcohol is a known carcinogen. It's legitimate poison that you're putting in your body. Weed at least does have medicinal properties, right, and I mean there's really not much bad about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've never heard of like someone killing a car full of people being high like on a token weed versus them being a drunk driver.
Speaker 2:Well, it's probably mostly because they're just like chilling up the house, relaxin'.
Speaker 1:They're just sitting in the car waiting at Wendy's. But yeah, it's just like that.
Speaker 2:I'm like such a widely accepted thing and I've talked about it before. I talked about it on the episode where we talked about 75 heart and why I stopped drinking and stuff like that and the whole mommy like wine culture is like a little bit out of control for me.
Speaker 1:Like, oh, like I need a drink because these kids have been wild all day, and just to go back to and like they'll bust all that like yeah, and flake and walk the house like this and I'm just like, and I get it like for the funniest part of it, like it is funny, and it's like shtick, right, right.
Speaker 2:But it's funny until it's not right, because until you're reliant on it. Or, to go back to what you said, social media is forever. And those kids who are two, three, eight and they don't see that. But then you know they're 14 and they're on Instagram and they're going back through all their mom's posts and they're like, oh my God, like, was I that bad that my mom felt like like she had to drink all the time? Or like I know from things I've read or talking to you, growing up with an alcoholic parent, like kids internalized so much and so many kids already feel like, oh, like you know, maybe if I wasn't a bad kid, my parent wouldn't drink.
Speaker 1:Well, what I mean? Like, and just let's just say that, like your parents get divorced due to alcoholism, right, due to something, now it's this kid's now feeling that.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a good point. I am in Think of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just like, well, did I drive my mom to drink? Or did I drive my dad to drink, right, and then he left? Yeah, that was so awful. And then he left, and now it, and now my life is the way it is because of me. It's like people just don't realize.
Speaker 2:It's just like in how the snowball's backwards and like maybe we just are like taking things too deep because we've just like been through so much yeah.
Speaker 1:No, it's not about being so deep, it's that like it's, it's. It's the ripple effect that it's, it's casting a stone and not understanding in how far the ripple goes back.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And that's just exactly with how it is. It's just like, and so much collateral damage is done. And it's when you're in a dull and you're you're a parent that you don't realize that every decision you make is going to affect and indirectly affect your family, your kids, your wife, your brothers, your sister, your mother, your father, and every decision that is we make every single day in life.
Speaker 2:Right, and I think it was always that way. But it is so magnified right now with social media and I know we keep saying this, but like the thought, right, okay. Another video that I hate is at the beginning of the school year, where the moms are like shoving the kids outside the house because they can't wait for them to be gone, because summer vacation has been so long, and like, yeah, you know what that, you know what that that might be a feeling. That's how moms have right, like those days can be long. It's tough trying to figure out what you're going to do with the kids every day. It's chaotic. It's chaotic. There's no routine, it's it's. You know, and as someone who thrives on routine, like I get it right. But you know, 10, 15 years ago, or say, when my mom was was a mom and we were all school-aged, right, she couldn't make a video like that, she couldn't post it. You know what she would do if she was feeling that way. She would call her sister, right? You know what I'm trying to say. Like you, you like, oh la la, like the kids are driving me, are driving me crazy, but she would do it when we were out of her ear shot. You know, kids hear so much. They see that. They we see that all the time. With Camila, like we say something we even know she probably wasn't even in the room and then the next day she's repeating it. She hears everything. They want to know everything. That there's punches, there's punches, everything. They want to hear everything that their parents are saying. They you know and I don't know. I think it's sad to some extent, like all they want is to be with you. You know, they just want your attention, they just yeah and then that took another thing too.
Speaker 1:It's just like like we were talking about like this morning, like when, you know, the babies were always they started in their bed, they wasn't in our bed and you know, but I was saying Selena was saying she's like, well, I love my, but I love daddy the most. Yeah, and I'm like you know, I'm just gonna, I'm probably gonna recall this day one day when you're old or I'm gonna be like you know, at one point you love me the most.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Well, you were saying they're never gonna. They're never gonna grow up and leave us. They're always gonna live with us and obviously, since we have teenagers and a tween, we know that they are not always gonna wanna spend all their time with us. So we soak it in as much as we possibly can and I think, and I think that that's something that I think.
Speaker 1:A lot of the times as parents it's like, like when we get caught up, that we forget to appreciate, and these moments are forever, not little forever. No, I'm not gonna regret it. I think a lot of the times, like I know, like, for instance, with Kyara and Mia, I took their child with Reddit, I chose working to give them stuff that they didn't need, and when all reality, like I could sit there with some sticks and some rocks and they would be happier than a pig and shit, yeah, just because they're playing with me, they're being with me. Or if it was on the couch watching a movie, it didn't require money, it just required time. And it's like that saying of a present, silver present.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think that that's what it is. I think that we get so caught up in social media and going viral and this validation of numbers right Like why have so many followers? I have this or I have that, or it's these validations of a metric right, it's a metric of life. Now.
Speaker 2:So, true, and I think that that's kind of it's sad, because there's some people that really go through it like that and I just I wonder if we have a little bit of a different perspective on it and why we're seeing things the way that we're seeing on them. Because we have such a big age gap and because, like we've talked about multiple times before, we've chosen to parent the babies differently than we did the older girls and I think, knowing they don't always want to spend time with you, they're gonna want to see their friends, they're gonna want to be up in their room and stuff like that that we do cherish. The, the toddler is a little bit more than first time parents who are going through it, because the toddler years are very difficult. They're hard, but it's hard for such a short time it is. That's the thing is Cause they're also amazing, right, and just to go back to like what you said about you know I took them and my niece, fiona, who's like my other, my other baby, my Phi Phi, to the trampoline park the other day for Fiona's birthday and I was like you know what, I'm gonna jump with them. Normally, normally I would just watch, or whatever. You would have thought that I I mean it would be like if someone handed you a million dollars cash, like they were like you're gonna jump, like, and Selena was just holding my hands and jumping over and over again and it was the best and like an hour of my time that I just jumped on the on the trampoline with them was everything to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's all they want.
Speaker 1:Right, and I didn't, I didn't. It's just what it is. It's just like. I think it's like simplifying it. I think it's like learning how to simplify it, learning that love doesn't need to be complicated, that time doesn't need to be complicated. It's, it's those little things that I think I and you know. To kind of go back to, to the comment, like you kind of started like touching around it, I think the reasons why you and I are so, I think it's cause, like, we recognize a lot of our, our thoughts within ourselves, yeah, and that we've are so committed to personal growth that we realized that these kids in the ass to get brought into this world yeah, we brought them into this world. We absolutely like, they absolutely deserve us to be our best versions of ourselves, yes, and because we're essentially creating this extension of us that's going to go out into this world beyond us, why wouldn't you want that version to be better than you? Right, and every way, shape and form, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I say all the time like I don't want, I do not want it to take my kids until their mid 30s to realize all the shit that I had to realize. You know, I don't know from you, don't even mean like that's why, like the whole, like bodily autonomy, like not saying, like be a good girl, like that kind of stuff, like they're going to know, they know now they know now, like, same thing.
Speaker 1:It's like, don't entertain relationships that that that are not good for you. Yeah, like, if you have somebody, like if someone's a shitty friend or someone's not putting their weight into you, or someone does a porn to you as much as you porn to them. Like Chai says, come off of a biotone. It's one of those things it's. It's it's to understand that, like, when I think about how many bad positions I put myself in for people that didn't give a shit about you, that in the end, they would be like oh, I'll do the same thing for you, but I'm like, but when the time came for it, I'm like, yeah, what were you motherfucker I had? It was like one of those things. And and also, they're the first ones that the freakest tab you in your back. Yeah, they're the first ones to like, screw your girl right behind your back, like, and and that's the type of world that we live in and it's something that we entertain. Like in they just in this, something that I struggled with even just until recently Like, like on social media, I'm entertaining relationships. Yeah, that for the sake of I Don't want them to think ill of me. Right, I'm like, but you don't even think so much ill of me and they dirt my name.
Speaker 2:I'm sick of chance that they're talking about me and I know cuz people are Me or what I don't. I just like oh, I can't unfollow them because they're gonna be like oh yeah, she doesn't. She doesn't like me and I'm like, but I don't like them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm like what, why do I care? Why? I like Karen, but I'm just like you know what? No, I'll just start cleaning out the closet.
Speaker 2:One of those things social media right like it's. It's and you know I've I've done like long Instagram breaks and stuff before and it's been like I think I remember saying to you like, you know, I'm at the park with the kids or whatever, and of course I'm taking pictures and I'm taking videos and then once we get home I'm making sure I post them. I'm like why? So people know that I took my kids to the park? But like really like it's and we're all guilty of it, right but I'm like Either way. I'm a good mom. Why do I care what friggin you know so-and-so from high school, who I only know on Instagram, thinks about the way that I parent my kids? Why is that?
Speaker 1:why does that matter? It's like, it's like I like you'll also see like those posts to that like where you know you'll see like Somebody like you'll see like those Canon videos like they're recording, see like a mother like legit set up her kid for like a photo shoot type deal, get the pic and they're like oh yeah, you sit there and play kids, just buy themselves and like, while they're just like running back to their phone like yeah, it's all about appearances. Right and that and that's what I say. I feel like. I feel like what a lot of stuff was such to me as a highlight rail, there's not a lot of the truth and ronus of life and into it and and that's like one thing that you know. No, no, everyone always poses the way, as I'm opposed to losses, right, and or everyone. It's easy to delude yourself, right, that your life is this great, freaking life, when reality I'm like you know damn well your life is not this you know, yeah, we know yeah you're not. You're not fooling anybody and that's the thing is, here's a reality of it. If you think you're fooling everybody, everyone knows, and that's this thing, the only person you fool is yourself. Yeah, and so you know to kind of tie back to like you know the, the, the whole shirt thing, right it's, you know. And also, like I said, it's like the stuff that we post and how it has these Other ramifications and like these other things, that that that kind of like snowball, but I think it's just kind of like breaking down, like the psyche part of it, like why is it that like we do it right? Then you know to kind of get back to like what our official conversation. I know it's just such a tangent episode?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it's a hot day thing where it's like.
Speaker 1:One of the thing is it's like now we talk about like husbands and wives and wives and husband.
Speaker 2:Right, I hate this so much. My one of my number one most hated posts on Instagram is the one that's like oh, my mother-in-law sure has a lot to say about how I raise my kids, considering I'm still raising one of hers.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like yo. Yeah, how do you have sex with your husband if you still look at him like he's a fucking kid? Yeah, okay, see, my mind will go there.
Speaker 1:Oh, like, how is that attractive to you? Like, how is that?
Speaker 2:like Something that you want. Like if you're like, oh my god, like I have to pick up after you, I have to fucking in, you know like I'm treating you Like I'm at, I have to act like your mom because you're not capable Of doing these things like how does that translate into your relationship? Right, but can?
Speaker 1:I ask you this question right because, yeah, I'm just trying to think have you ever seen A meme of like A husband saying that about his wife? No, because I have it Nope. The ones that I do see is like husband saying like oh, like me, like my husband is, like, like my buddy is expecting for me to trash on my wife, but I don't, because my wife's perfect.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you will see those. They come with gentlemen. The perfect, perfect, yeah, no, I see those women make those too. Like me, just quietly removing myself from the situation when my friends are Trashing their husbands because I got nothing to say. Yeah, so the Homer Simpson, yeah, yeah, back into the bushes. I get but it's a lot more of the ones that just absolutely trash their husbands and just Emasculate them that's.
Speaker 1:That is like. I've seen Some like nuts get clipped online and I'm just like, and I'm just like, but it's their husband, like, yeah, like this is somebody who you share a bed with, this is somebody who you build a life with. You guys lived like you guys have a life together and it's just as complete and out of disrespect and so disrespectful, and I'm just kind of like but it's too like a grand scale, like it. It's, it's, it's like. It's like that, saying it's just like you're standing up on stage and you just get pants and yeah, yeah, I'm like people just saw a white pool and a George.
Speaker 2:Costanza A million people just saw your wife. Shit all over you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it's. That's something that it drives me nuts to, because like same exact deal, like you know, right thing about it with us and things like that. Like it's just for me, for me, you know, I think obviously like in like locker room, talk like guys would like vent about, like like their girls and stuff like that, and it does happen, but and I'm, I'm sorry I was guilty of it at one point like it's just in my life. It wasn't until I met you that I think I don't ever spoke like. I'm just like, yeah, nah, like my wife is, like I love my wife, I could never talk ill of my wife and stuff like that. And then like, or like guys would come around the room it was like it was like an AA meeting, like everyone's just sitting there, like my name's Kyle, like in, like everyone's like Start talking about their wife or talking about the girl, and there was come time for me. I'm just like yeah, no, my wife's actually a rock star dude. I have no idea like what, even in here, like you're like Quartz at me here. It's like, it's kind of like that, like and I don't know, it's like it's so bad because you're inviting so many different people into your bedroom, and I think that that's something that we've always said to one another. That's kind of the way how we put it is that At the end of the day, it's always about you and I and dealing people's opinions that matter, or the two people that sleep in that bed.
Speaker 2:Right. I mean, if I have a problem with you or something that's going on in our house, or I feel like You're not helping me enough, or something like the only person that I'm gonna bring that up to is you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you hear all your grievances with me, but then I already know there's gonna be like some people be like oh well, not all of us have the luxury of having a husband or have somebody that communicates or something like that, and so I'm like, well, you're going online, doesn't make it any easier.
Speaker 2:It's right. Oh my god, I just feel it's such a I don't know. I feel like it's a vicious cycle, right, because Do you let him help? Like you know what I'm saying, like there's so much.
Speaker 1:That's another me too that says like it's like, oh my husband trying to help me getting annoyed.
Speaker 2:Because he hasn't do it the right way. Fuck out the way.
Speaker 1:Because he hasn't do it the right way and she physically pushed the guy out of the way and he's just trying to help.
Speaker 2:There's just such a huge thing, right, because we've kind of been through this before. Like I can't remember when we lived in Lynn I think it was during COVID like you took over doing the laundry or something, because I was, I say everything. Alright, I'm about to make a meme. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker 1:I do remember that, like for the COVID, like we did so much laundry that we had no more place to put it in you.
Speaker 2:That was what you were like. If you buy one other pair of black leggings, he must have folded 37 pairs of black leggings.
Speaker 1:I'm like why do I, why do I fold the same thing a hundred times Times? Five kids, five girls. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:But, um, I can't remember like going down the basement and the way that you were doing the laundry. I was like so the way how I do laundry is that I'm a sorter, but I sort them in piles, like okay, my Eid dumps out every basket, every single basket, and I mean it was just all over the basement for piled up, piled up, piled up, piled up.
Speaker 1:I might feel he closed yeah.
Speaker 2:Choking, trying not to say anything.
Speaker 1:Well, cuz you know this, cuz like, obviously it the way how your brain works. It's like your brains on fire just seeing all these things out of like, out of like, just displayed out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like, just keep it in the basket that no one can Just keep it in. You know, keep in the clutter in one spot.
Speaker 1:Good eyes like that, like versus. Like me Me seeing it sorted like that the way how my brain works, yeah, is that me seeing it sorted like that, like I'm like okay, cuz it's just step, I say this step, but it doesn't say it put it in.
Speaker 2:I guess the point of that is like organized chaos yeah, sure, I have to take a step back from that right and be like, okay, this is not the way that I would do it, but he's doing it so that I don't have to, right, and what does it matter how he does it if the end results is the same, right?
Speaker 1:But you're doing that. That is like so let's just say like do you think that that's like a control or a perfectionism thing and like 100% a much?
Speaker 2:control freak.
Speaker 1:Right. But then like do you feel that that's something that ties in Of like Cuz you and I have like say, like it's like, well then, where does that come? Like, I think it's like that's like one thing that we do to each other a lot. Like it's just like well, yeah, I'm a control freak, well, where does that come from? Like what, what about that makes? Like, why do you think you're controlled? And it's just like, and then like that thing that that's like whether we understand, like that's where, how far back we go school, like this, like what I understand, like now we're hitting like another red bull, we're hitting another red bull, and things like that. I think it's like when people started asking that question. I think that that's in answering those questions truthfully. I think that's where you find grace, yeah.
Speaker 2:I think so that makes sense. Right, like if you can figure out like well, why do I, why do I feel this way? And a lot of it. For me and we talked about it in the episodes too, of like me, being a stay at home mom is like well, I feel like this is my job. So seeing you doing it makes me feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. So it's easier for me to lash out at you like that's not how you're supposed to do it. Right, when it's like. When it's like Like this is also his house, he lives here too. There are also his kids. If he wants to help me, I should accept the help.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:How, whatever form that comes in right and like this is all not to say that like I, we, I never like joke with, like my sister right, like we always make the joke like, oh, like having a party today. You know, I'm scrubbing the, I'm scrubbing, I'm scrubbing the house, kyle's in the garage organizing the shelves because so many people are gonna be in our garage during the party. You know, like with that to me is like the times are gonna be in there.
Speaker 1:I think I'm gonna see my tools.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, no, I know it just you know like Pat was like out collecting the leaves number at the Christmas.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what Fucking I love that thing that he I know that was cool.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna give one myself, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna do it the same time.
Speaker 2:Oh, but I think I Also think, generationally, dads were less involved. This generation is kind of like the first hands-on generation, with like yeah, with like following and yeah, especially like emotionally, I feel like, because I think like my dad was super hands-on and involved With us but my mom did the heavy lifting, like emotionally, you know, or like Discipline-wise even. It was definitely like my mom. My dad was always like with her, but Emotionally it just wasn't, it just wasn't his thing. So you know, like when you and I talk about the kids and stuff, I Really like, want your opinion and I value your opinion, but I do think that's like a newer, that's like a newer Phenomenon, kind of right, but I think I think it's also like, it's like we share that low and a lot in.
Speaker 1:I'll be talking like. For the most part, I think that I, what's your, this, it's like I think I, we almost have the balance of like I let, like we let it get to the point where it's like where dad's voice has to come out For sure, yeah, so then I'm like guys, and Then that's where it was just like you know, or if like the big, like the baby's, like say something I'm like no one talks about, like that you know, it's like yeah, and and, and I think that that's kind of like those moments, but then also it's like you know, another thing, another viral part, that is kind of how to come out where it and I feel like this is something that I try to do like my best with that times is and like we've talked about it before on the podcast is that I Think as guys, we have to do as husbands and as spinners, bothers, and it was like mostly as husbands. One thing we have to do better about is that Coming home if your wife is a stay-at-home mom, right in, just in general, just being able to be a partner and and and recognize that if they're struggling and it could be due to Just being so overly stimulated that you basically you know what like just go out the bed. I got it, yeah, let me take over. Or or, hey, why don't you go for a ride? Yeah and just decompress for, for, take a half hour, go park somewhere, grab a coffee, read a book, come back home when you're done. You know what I'm saying because I Think that that's something that I Think as men like we, the way how our minds are obviously wired like we can come on permanent Lasting's much easier and we're able like also, we can tune shit out. We can just I can shut shit off Like kids give me screaming and I can just be like that could clock in a way like and it's so about that versus how are you not hearing?
Speaker 2:that You're typing is at like a 50 in my mind and it's like something that's so quiet. But on top of everything else I'm like, oh my god, I can hear everything on a A million right now.
Speaker 1:You can hear like your hair growing, yeah, it's yeah, and that's kind of like what it is. It's just like in in looking at your partner and like looking at her and just basically being like you know, like like I need to remove her from the situation because it's not and well for anybody. It's just something that like because obviously you know you at that given moment, like you're stressed out your anxieties.
Speaker 2:I don't want to be short with the kids. I don't want to like you or what you right. Right, because you guys don't don't deserve that either. But I think, kind of going back to the whole like meme thing and the Emasculating your husband's, like I wonder and not that I think anyone posting that is how is is helping the situation, because I don't. But I wonder, you know, if I feel differently about it, because and we talked about this so much is like you are just the type of guy that just handles shit. Like if I ask you to do something, you, you take care of it, you're able to make decisions, you are decisive, like I don't have to nag you about shit, right, like it was. I was getting aggravated that you were leaving your clothes on the side of the, on the side of the bed, instead of just throwing them in the basket. I'm like, hey, can you throw those clothes in the basket instead of leaving them on the side of the bed and like, yeah, no problem, right, so it's just Very easily resolved because you are the type of guy that just handles shit I don't have to worry about. I don't have to worry about it, and you do help me without asking.
Speaker 1:Right and and obviously, like I said, it's like I mentioned it before, it's just like. I think it's like well easy for you to say Right, not every guy's that's what you would. You like I don't want it's true, not every guy is like that, like I said, like I I have friends that are absolutely Lazy and like they don't see themselves as a problem in their relationship and I'm like they'll convince me. Oh, you believe my wife, dude, like freak out stuff with that. I'm like a buddy, like like it. The thing is like I'm the friend that like I will call you on your bullshit. Yeah, like I'm just like Do you emerge? Like buddy, like I don't want, like she just asked you to put it in in the hamper, right, there's only an asking you to wash up. No, they don't ask it. But like Understand, like the absolute shock of seeing like some shitty draws. That's like that bitch you got to pick up, you got to do it twice now she got to pick it up. Yeah, like it was just hope of the first time. And what is in the fucking hamper? Like right, or something like that. Like in, in, or you know, it's just kind of like I think it's easy like for guys to just come home and basically like having that old school generational mentality. Like, oh, such a long day. You kick off your boots, you sit down the couch, I just want to relax. I had a long day. Why is the house a mess? Why, no, right, but I mean the just price. I would never, ever sleep. I think of all I could be like if I was ever say that like man, like I was, like I might as well be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen at that point. Right, like what a little state. Like I think that that's like a very different mentality. I think at that at that point. But ideally for me it's just like. It's like. But I do have friends like where, like they do believe that just because they're the primary brother winner or something like that, they come home, they kick off their boots, that you, I don't have to do you shit, I already did my part for the day. Yeah, I just what I do for the family. Oh, I do. Like your kids still need you, your wife still need you, and that's another thing too, like which we're gonna get into. To the next big thing. I think this is the big one for us. Like you know the hot take of the, the relationship of a husband and wife.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was gonna talk about this. I was thinking about the message that Stelman, like, sent you. It's like, you know, like I have my roles and she has hers. And if everyone, just If every husband and wife, could understand that like people would be a lot happier. And he's like and I know women don't, I'm gonna want to hear that and I'm like, actually, I agree, I actually agree with that Like. That's why I love you, I know, at the end of the day, right, my job right now is the house and the kids. Right, you go to work every day. You make sure that we have enough money to keep a roof over our head and food on the table and pay for all these fucking kids' sports. Okay, yeah, and school. And school, yeah, and gross, you know whatever. So I don't expect you to do the laundry, I don't expect you to make dinner. I don't, Like that's not, that's part of my job, Like that's my when I wake up at six until I go to bed. But that doesn't mean that you don't help me and that doesn't mean that I don't help you in the role that you have, right, Like if you forgot something at work or whatever, I will bring it to you All, right, Right. Or if you need me to do something for the business, I do it. Like it's yes, we have those roles and I think those roles are important and I think those keeping I believe in like the more feminine roles and the more masculine roles.
Speaker 1:Right, I think that's the biggest Like, that's like the traditional feminine. I'm probably gonna get canceled, probably. I mean, it's like For me, guys, enjoy this podcast. It's our last episode.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna get a last episode.
Speaker 1:I'm just like Hun follows what. Because the thing is, is that like so? So we traditionally believe in Traditional Marriage roles Marriage roles in a sense, but like one of the, I saw a role the other day I sent it to you that A guy said he was like he asked the husband asked. No, a guy he interviewed the husband asked what do you feel about your wife's role as stay-at-home mom? He's like well, here she is. You talk, he's like. He's like. He's like would you want it any other way? So the guy then asked like would your husband want it any other way? He's like no, he loves the fact I'm a stay-at-home mom. Yeah, and so with that he's like I get to raise my kids. Like that's an honor and a pose that I have and because of he I'm afforded that and he's given that, that chance to us. And then the other thing is too. But then, like I'm reading, he then says I'm gonna do two things. That go on and say this he then says Femininity must be protected, masculinity must be earned. And I was just like Facts, that's facts to me. Like you have to earn those roles and earn that title, right, in the sense of like you know in masculinity, like that's, but now it's like toxic masculinity is such is freaking under fire. But the thing is like I would see these comments like people like, ooh, I saw this one thing, it blew my mind the other day and I shared it with you. It was a woman that she recorded herself waiting for her husband to come home and it's just so happy that she ran up to him and like hugged him and like they just had this moment of like long and burst, like I missed you, right? You think like that's so beautiful, like that's just awesome, like if, if, as a man, me coming home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and me being happy to see you. I'm running home. Yeah, you wanna come home?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you wanna come home Every single day. Every single day. What? And versus like? Now let's say like you just beat his dick in as soon as you walk him through the door. Guess what? I'm working long a rise. Why do I want to freaking go home? And I've done that before. That was the reason why I worked long hours, because I'm just like why? So I can just get my head beat in you know what I'm saying and they'll like literally go home.
Speaker 2:People shit all over that girl in the comments saying like You're basically a dog. You're basically a dog I could not have bull.
Speaker 1:I'm like, why do you? I'm like because she loves her husband. Like it's this thing of this.
Speaker 2:I don't know, it's like not cool. It's like not cool to be like really in love with your husband for some reason. I'm gonna love you. I was gonna call her.
Speaker 1:It's not cool to be it's like it's not cool to be a stay-at-home mom. Yeah, because, oh, you could be so much more. You can be in corporate America, you can be in this, you can be that Like, yeah, you can. But if you're not, why are you gonna go there and join the grind, be in the rat race, when the role that you have at home is more important? You're molding the next generation, the next generation. You're molding the next generation rather than just freaking, copying and pasting fucking drones.
Speaker 2:I know the whole thing is like it kind of just goes back to like our culture being really selfish, I think, and it's all about like I think we got sold this lie. It's all about you, like you need to be happy, like if you are happy, your kids will be happy. I'm like, yeah, that's true, you do, you need to take care of yourself, like things like that. But your kids are little for such a short time. At zero to three age. There's so much research that like they just need their parents, that's just. And it's like just give them that time. And I, if people work, like I don't want to say like you shouldn't work or anything like that, but I'm just saying that I think we've gone too far as a society with the whole like well, you can do anything you want, and we've forgotten about the kids, we've forgotten about the babies. Like they need you. And three years is such a short time in your life. You can go back to your career, you know you can do whatever you want, like.
Speaker 1:then it goes into like well, why should I have to give up my career? Why doesn't my husband give up his career? And it's like that's the things that it goes into. Well, for me it's checks and balances, in the sense, like number one. Maternal love is something that you care, you grow in, it's there, you grow inside of you. It's much different. That child needs something much different. It's a different type of love for that child.
Speaker 2:Yes To their mother, yes when they're so little Facts. So and I understand.
Speaker 1:You can't breastfeed them and that's all right. I can't breastfeed them. Can't breastfeed them, right, and they know, because they're getting Like put some little yeah, come out of there, like do you know what I'm saying? It's things like that, right, and it's just so crazy to me, like it's in how everything that is traditional is just underneath attack and that we are forced to think it is bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like it's bad to be a good mom, it's bad to be these different things Like to love your husband, to respect your husband or to respect your wife. And it's like we're living in a generation now where it's like we're selling our souls for money. We're freaking Like we just live in a world where it's just.
Speaker 2:It's all about material, like, oh well, like my wife can't stay home because then we wouldn't be able to afford our life, and it's like, well, what is it that you're trying to afford, right, right, like, oh, you know, you both have two giant SUVs and like you know what I'm saying, I just think, like it's time with your kids that you'll never get back, you know.
Speaker 1:So just real quick too. Another thing I just wanted to mention, right Like, this is probably my biggest thing my biggest thing is that everyone's life is different. There are some people that you know what they just prefer work. Yes, they just do it. They just prefer to go to work, and that's okay. Because people just prefer to be moms, and that's okay. Yes, Stop telling people If it's not your life, saying it's not okay. Like stay in your league.
Speaker 2:I agree there's too much. I think this goes back to just being on social media in general. We have too much access to other people's lives, in opinion.
Speaker 1:In opinions.
Speaker 2:Like, if what we do doesn't work for you, who cares? It's not your fucking life. Yeah, you will move it. It's not your fucking life. Yeah, you know, this is just like what we're talking about is just our opinion, and like why we live our life the way that we choose to. Yeah, this works for us, like, and that's fine. We have a more traditional mindset, like we just think that way. We have more kind of like old school mentalities, I think, about certain things. Obviously, our values align. That's why we got married, like you'd already made. But I just I don't care if you have two parents in the house that are working, like that's what works for your family. And I think I just heard on another podcast recently the woman was like you can't pick and choose what you would want from other people's lives unless you would trade lives with them. Completely right, like, do what is right for you, do what is right for your family.
Speaker 1:And like, everyone's circumstances are different, and so like and like and I know that from a fact of like in the past, of like with with Kermie, like we had work because we had to work yeah, and what matters is that, at that point, that the time that you do have with them, you're making equality, yes, and there's what I'm saying like it's we're not sitting here to knock on anybody. For what it is, however, it is that we're not saying that you have to do this, you have to do that. Not at all. It's more so. The fact of that. Protect what matters the most to you, protect your, your hang, protect your marriage, protect your relationships. That is the probably the biggest thing, because everything, everything of like who we are today is on fire. Everything it's. You can't be a straight couple anymore, you can't be a loving couple anymore. Like, it's just like. It's just all these different things. It's just like, all of a sudden, like you're getting lumped into a category yeah, like a woman. Like you can't be a mother, now, you're a chest beater, you're this or that, like these all these other different things. And it's one mother, yes, like I'm a woman. Yes, like, and these all these other labels that get thrown on us. Like I'm a, whatever I'm, probably I'm going to be called different shit after this. This, this guy, I'm toxic, masculine, I don't know what. What a result there is today, it's like, no, I'm me. However, it's like, regardless of whatever reality is, you're going to throw a label on me, regardless. I've had labels thrown on me my whole life. I've been called a speck. I've been called Reagan a loser. I've been called all these different things. Like I'm me. I know why I am. At the end of the day, you're never going to tell me anything different.
Speaker 2:Right. I think that's kind of like the biggest thing right Is like know who you are and don't let what is out there affect you in that way, because I think that's what's going on with social media right now is that there's just too much getting thrown at you from every direction. Like you know, everyone has an opinion on everything and I think you know my hot take is do whatever the fuck is right for your family.
Speaker 1:Right, and it's just like you know what, and at the end of the day, we don't need to agree on everything. Let's agree to disagree.
Speaker 2:You don't cancel us.