Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Castro
RSS Feed
When I first met Carly, her eyes held a mix of curiosity and caution – the hallmark look of a child facing the upheaval of a blended family. That moment marked the beginning of a journey, not just for Carly but for both of us, as we charted the choppy waters of step-parenting and family merging. In our heart-to-heart, we unpack the delicate art of gradual introductions, the certain tug-of-war of loyalties, and the importance of adding value to a child's life without supplanting the role of a biological parent. With raw honesty, we address the internal struggles and emotional peaks that accompany the creation of a new family dynamic.
Steering through the dynamics of co-parenting, I lay bare my own feelings of regret over past parenting choices and the evolution of my approach. The conversation steers towards the challenges of maintaining harmony across households with divergent rules and parenting styles. We share the power of the Rosebud Thorn technique in fostering communication and understanding the varied emotions our children navigate daily. Acknowledging the unique experiences of each child, we explore the emotional intricacies of blended families from the inside out.
Megan Carly, joining us as a fellow traveler in the step-parenting realm, sheds light on the intricate balance that comes with the role of a stepmother. We dissect the complexities of appreciation and challenge, internalized guilt, and the divergent paths men and women often take in these relationships. Reflecting on the influences of culture and upbringing on our approach to step-parenting, we also consider the relationship dynamics with biological parents, rounding out a multifaceted perspective on the trials and triumphs of blended family life.
00:00 - Challenges of Blending Families and Step-Parenting
13:50 - Challenges of Co-Parenting and Regret
19:01 - Parenting Styles and Regretful Discipline
32:28 - Stepmother's Perspective on Parental Roles
I guess everybody's meeting Chi Chi today yeah.
Speaker 2:He's a handsome boy. Now that everybody's heard about the wedding debacle- yeah, I think we left off at dinner, right, that's why we left off.
Speaker 1:No, we talked through the dinner, but I think today we should probably talk about blending our families and the challenges that we face as step-parents.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, because obviously we're going to talk about that. We got to start from the beginning, right? And I just remember the first time I ever met well, not Met Carly, but the first time that I remember going to your house originally, yeah, and I was just sitting on the couch and like Chi, chi, you got to go buddy, the door was just like cracked. Yeah, I think we're on. We might need to set this over. Chi, chi, great.
Speaker 1:He's gone, okay, so let's start over. No, just keep it going, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think and I don't want to speak too much for Carly, because I do want to interview her we're just kind of trying to like work out the logistics of the interviews with the kids, right, but you know for her it had just been her and I, since she was three, right, you know. And here she is 10 and you're in the picture, chi, chi and Mia are in the picture, and then, oh, by the way, we're also pregnant. You're getting another sister.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know that's what I'm saying, because I remember that, like it was, like I was saying earlier, like, just like, from like my perspective, it was a sense of that. Like I remember just sitting there and just seeing her and she was just like staring at her. But then, like I remember, like I could feel it, that it's just, it's like. I think it almost felt like as if she knew her life was going to change and it was just obviously something that she wasn't. It's a lot for a kid at that age, right, and I mean we've talked a lot about it now and you know exactly. And then all of a sudden, like we're together, we're getting married, you're moving out. Yeah, she has two sisters that she's getting right off the bat, and then we're pregnant and her father and some other.
Speaker 1:Got pregnant not soon after, not too long after that, not too long after that.
Speaker 2:And then, oh hey, we're moving you to Lynn and it's just like this whirlwind.
Speaker 1:Right, because, don't forget too, we lived downstairs from my parents and Brady, and Brady. So her whole life, you know, I mean I mentioned in one of the previous episodes like Brady's, still to this day, like her little brother, but back then they were always together.
Speaker 2:Big time.
Speaker 1:I mean, if you saw me and Carly, you saw Brady too.
Speaker 2:Well, no, it's absolutely right. I remember that that was probably one of the first times that we kind of had that dry run at the school and the playground.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:When it was just kind of like let's just kind of just just come one of those things and see what happens. It wasn't something that we planned, it was just kind of something just happened organically. And then, like, while the kids were kind of playing, and I remember that Mia was racing you, yeah, and I'm pretty sure you smoked me too- I was in really good shape.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were fast, you were fast. I even beat Brady, which I definitely couldn't do now. But at that point he was like five.
Speaker 2:And I had to really work at it. Yeah, the kid had wheels. Yeah, he's all those.
Speaker 1:But yeah, so that was kind of like. That day at the playground was when we had kind of like our first family outing. We weren't married or anything yet, but we went out together with the kids. We went to Dairy Meade and Everett.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and that was kind of exactly that. It was kind of like oh, it's just, it was. It was like that slow introduction, yeah, and it was like of this new dynamic.
Speaker 1:Right, and that was a year into us meeting each other, like we didn't introduce the kids or you didn't introduce me to your kids until then really, I think it was like at that point that we knew that we knew we were going to get married.
Speaker 2:We knew that and, like I said before in a previous episode, that I I always promised my kids you're never going to meet anybody who I'm not going to marry. Right, I'm going to the only person you're ever going to meet. I was not going to bring people in and out of their lives and so for them to actually meet you, that's kind of in their minds oh my God, like my dad's going to marry her, or like my dad's going to move on. And I think for a certain time, you know, I think they knew that and they kind of handled everything a little bit differently at that time too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. Yeah, so that was good. We had a good first meeting and I mean really for me with Kiara and Mia. They kind of chucked me right away. I never really had any issues with them, kind of accepting me into their life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, no, no, no for sure. It was one of those things that I remember I didn't exactly have that feeling when it came, when it was me and Karling at the beginning, like Karen and I have had conversations about that, because obviously then it kind of goes into the next part of loyalty, right, and how the kids just feel like there's loyalty to their parent and they always feel like a betrayal if they accept someone else. And I remember that I had a serious talk with Karles basically saying to her hey, kiddo, I'm not here to replace your dad. You have a father and he's a great father. I'm not here, I'm just looking to be somebody that's going to add to your life and be someone additional that you can lean on and things like that. And I think it was after her and I had that conversation that she kind of knew I'm not here to like I don't want you to call me dad, you have a dad. He reserves that right. I'm just somebody in your life that you know, a bonus dad, right? Is it some of those things?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like all those different names that people got to say you guys have come so far Like oh my god, you guys get along so well.
Speaker 2:Which crazy is that me and Karles are probably more alike. Yeah, like I probably have more in common with her than I do with anybody else in the house, and her and I see eye to eye on so many different things. Like it's just so different. Like I've had tons of late night talks where Karles and her deep combos, deep combos and stuff like that. Her and I are always good for that good deep combo and but I think like it's so interesting, right?
Speaker 1:Because one of the things that you really struggled with at first, when Karli and I moved in my custody schedule with her, was that I had her for most of the week. She would go to John and Meg's on Thursday nights and then we would get her back Sunday. So we had her most of the time and at that time we only had Kiara and Mia on the weekends. So I remember you feeling like, oh, it's going to feel really weird to me to have you know essentially somebody else's kid the majority of the time and then only have my kids less than that.
Speaker 2:Right, and so I think it was like for me, when I remember that part, it's basically it was a couple of different things, right they. I hated the fact that the kids were like two ships in a night, Like they just kind of went by each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they didn't really see each other much.
Speaker 2:They didn't see each other much other than like what school was, but they didn't have like that ability to kind of really Like, build that sister relationship Like it was that, that it bothered me and then exactly like it did stink, because obviously I want all my kids together and stuff like that. But now, thinking about it, like in you saying it right now, I think it's probably something that would need it to happen, because it only helped me and Karlie's relationship because I was able to have so much one-on-one with her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like you know we were on that. Yeah, you would take her grocery shopping.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I heard her talk about it the other day because when we went to the mall and she right by like a frozen yogurt place.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I remember that Arms leave.
Speaker 2:And then, like I was like Karlie, don't tell your mom that we're going to go to a club. Can we stop you for dinner and stuff like that. And then she was like oh my God, she's calling me and I'm like don't answer the answer. And then she answered again. She's like why are you at arms leave? How the hell does she know?
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, she had a little case. Who can you share now?
Speaker 2:And then it was just always funny. And then, like, also, it was awesome too because, like we used to go to like these Mexican restaurants and so, like I started, like you know, exposing her to like different dishes and stuff like that. Like she had like ceviche, she's trying this, she's like, oh my God, it's so good. And then, like you know, it was just so awesome because it was just kind of experiencing something brand new and it was a different, it was establishing a different kind of relationship and it was just so awesome and but yeah, it was something that was particularly tough. I remember that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's kind of interesting now because the opposite is true. You know we have Kiarra and Mia the majority of the time, and because Carly goes to school about a half hour away from where we live, it's tough for her to want to wake up at you know 6, 10 in the morning and have one of us drive her.
Speaker 2:But it's also like the anxiety, because we tried it before and it's just. It's either you're going to get there an hour early or you're going to get there like a half hour late just because of the way how the traffic is driving.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, if you're from Boston, we're talking boat driving on 93 South.
Speaker 2:So yeah, exactly that. And it's just like we go from like leaving so super early and then like I'm getting there early, but then there's just sometimes of just never know because we're going full 95 to 93 and all that stuff like that. So it's not fair to her either to have to drive with that and to have that anxiety and things like that. And that's how she's starting off her day, right.
Speaker 1:Exactly. You just don't want to start your day like that. So I totally get it, but it is something that's difficult for me as a mom, because you know she's not here. You know she's here on the weekends vacation, stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's my baby.
Speaker 1:I want all my kids together. Of course, you know that's just realistically not our life, but it is hard if we go out and do something and one of the kids isn't there. I think that's like a big struggle for me, even with Kiarra and Mia too, like you know, if they do go to their moms or whatever and we're going out to all do something together as a family, but one of our members is missing. You know.
Speaker 2:Right, oh right. I think the babies do miss that a lot and I know specifically with Camila. I think Camila's probably the one that probably feels it a lot more than Selena does. Yeah, for sure when she'll actively cry out, be like oh, I just miss Karkar or I miss Ra-Ra and stuff like that, I miss Mia, and that's where it gets so super tough. But then it's just so funny because whenever they are here it's like typical sisters. She's just like yeah, it's just so funny how it is. She's like oh, I miss you, but get away from me.
Speaker 1:Yeah what she said to Carly the other day, like why are you so bossy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Carly's like. It's just so funny how they'll start arguing with a four-year-old and like sisters, we don't have it with brothers, no, no, we just fight yeah you physically fight?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're wrestling. Yeah, exactly no, but yeah, it is hard. Right with the babies, especially as they're getting older, obviously definitely noticing that we have different family dynamics than their cousins or some of their friends. Camila asks a lot. Well, why is Fiona the littlest person in her family and why do her brothers and her sister always live in her house? It's hard to find age-appropriate explanations for that.
Speaker 2:Right. And then I think it's even like, sometimes it's like when the kids do like, when, like Chiarah and Mia do go back home to their moms, like, sometimes, like you know, they will go back and like for the most part, we let them kind of like make the decision of like whether or not, and things like that. That's a whole other different dynamic, but they will. You know, chiarah is the one that probably goes back the most, and things like that. And then you know, they kind of ask that question of like you know, but the funny part is that Camila will ask it too, like Chiarah, and basically be like oh, so you're going back to your moms.
Speaker 1:I know it's like such an old thing yeah she's like, yeah, what are you going to do?
Speaker 2:Like it's just, it's odd.
Speaker 1:And I think it's like a little like they kind of have more of an idea with Carly, because they know John and Megan and they know their daughter together. So there's like a different. They kind of have more of an understanding like, ok, carly has two families because they know them and obviously they know us, you know. So I think they kind of have a little bit more of an understanding, but they don't know the girl's mom. So I think it's like they're kind of like where are you going when you leave here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, just come in and out of my life like this, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No, no, I mean, you're right, it's, it's so tough, it is, it really is. This is probably, like, one of the things that probably bothered me the most about it, like, and when we think about being a subparent but then also being a parent, because you're trying to do things differently than how you were before, and it's just so tough because you know you want to be able to just do it like and do it with everybody around it, Right exactly, and it's just sometimes you deal with outside dynamics that it makes it particularly harder and things like that. And I know I can speak for it from like my point of view, in the sense of like you know, dealing with the stressors of like, or like your kids, like when they come back, and dealing with you know almost like a decompression stage, like in the sense of like, ok, I'm now back, now my guard needs to do this, my guard needs to do that, like in that decompression stage and things like that. And then versus like you can just be a parent and you just want to just love and protect your kids, and it'd be like the same way all the time and it's and it's just tough. And I think, you know, I think like for, like for, like for us, like I feel like when it comes to like trying to schedule things too, like it's hard because we want to include all the siblings, we want them to be all together, but then, obviously, like they have another whole, another life too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we don't know what that's like right Because both our parents stayed married. We don't know that feeling of having to go from house to house and having different rules in both houses having you know they have four parents. Right, you know, it's like Everyone's parents differently. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like what me flying one person's house being a flying another person's house, and I mean there's so much more, and so it's just kind of like it's hard things about it, right. It's a hard things that we don't know what they feel all the time. So I think it's so critical that, like you know, one thing that I love that you implemented was Rosebud Thorn.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, those are huge things, like those were check-ins that we would have at dinner time in which you guys don't know Rosebud Thorn is basically Rose is.
Speaker 1:The best part of your day, the best part of your day.
Speaker 2:Your butt is what it is you're looking forward to and your thorn is what was your bad part of your day. And so everyone will kind of go through this, where everyone has an opportunity to basically say what their Rosebud Thorn was Sounds obviously something out of a book and it sounds like something out of like lifetime, but it works. It's great. It helps your kids just kind of open up about it and you know it's helps that conversation move forward.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just like, instead of being like how was school today? And then you just get good or fine or whatever. They might not elaborate. Some kids elaborate more than others, right? But you know it is hard because it's like you want a parent them all the same and you can't.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, that's another thing, too, that we learned right, because obviously, from being young parents, we thought we did it right, like and I think, as we've gotten older, we've realized that a lot of the ways and how we parented in the beginning, more specifically with our first borns, yeah 100%. You know there's regret that we carry there's there's, at least I know, like for me, like there's a lot of things that I regret doing or how I parented, and it's something that I say to my kids. I'm like I was a shitty dad, like I was not a good dad to you guys, I was the best father. I thought it was, I thought I was a great dad, yeah, but the reality of it was was that my priorities were all screwed up. I did not. I'm thinking that I had a. It was presence, like as in, like presence over presence. Like I was, I was buying them, like I felt like they had to have the best of the best of the best, and so I would put myself in like this absolute hole. And then I'm trying to dig myself out and then I'm like carrying the stress of like, oh, we don't have money for the bills, we don't have money for this, and like my complete, like mindset was completely trash. And then you know, when all reality, all they wanted was me, like all they wanted was just for me to, you know, sit down with them and draw, or sit down with them and and, and you know, just watch a movie and just relax with them, and it's just you know. And then also on top of that, like you know, I grew up where you know. If you got out of line, you got to whack.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And and and we really really adamantly disagreed on this prior to having our own kids yeah, I was like I adamantly know that was like but it was hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because it was, I felt it was a necessary evil. That's the way how I, how I put it down. It was a necessary evil. We went through things like I regret spanking my kids, I regret spanking them it. I remember the first time I ever disciplined Chiara. It broke my heart, I had tears in my eyes and because of when I saw her reaction, like it was like a betrayal, like she's looking, she's like like how could you do this? It was like this this shock him over her and I'm like, oh my God, I'm like this does not feel right, but it's so programmed into your mind that you're like. And then you say things like I do this because I love you. And you're not even understanding that. Like you're programming your kid, that like if someone hits them and says, oh, I'm doing this because I love you, that it's okay, yeah, and it's like I didn't realize that until I got older. But, like I said, it's like one thing I always talked it out with my kids, but I would hand out a punishment first and then come back with an explanation.
Speaker 1:My whole thing about it and what I would say to you is, like, if they're too young to understand that what you're doing is wrong, how can you hit them over it, right? Like that just doesn't make sense. And if they're old enough to understand, then why don't you just talk to them, right? And that's kind of like what, what we've implemented with the, with the younger kids for sure.
Speaker 2:Right. But like I said, it was, you know, to kind of just go back very quickly like it was meeting you and you kind of saying that stuff to me, right? I'll never forget that. I disciplined me at once and nothing happened. Everything was fine. And I disciplined her again for the same thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then that's when I realized I'm like it doesn't work. It doesn't work Because she still made the same mistake and because in her mind it's like, well, what's the worst that's going to happen To her? She doesn't understand why to not do it Exactly, and it's like, and it still happened. But then I realized that when I actually talked to her, that she was like OK, now I get it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now I understand.
Speaker 2:Now I understand and she's made the changes.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like wow, I'm like I had it all, but that was hard for me Because I remember like I said like you. And getting back to what you were saying, you were like, yeah, we're not going to do that with our kid. Like, if you do that, you're going to fight me, like it was like for me. I'm just like what? And it was so tough for me because I'm like from my culture.
Speaker 1:Oh, we kind of battled about it.
Speaker 2:We battled about it Like long conversations about it.
Speaker 1:It was tough yeah.
Speaker 2:And my heels were dug your heels were dug. My heels were dug yeah, and I'm like, listen, I'm not going to say, I'm going to like freaking weigh a lot I'm going to just tap, yeah, do you know? And I'm justifying like striking a child, because I felt it's a necessary evil.
Speaker 1:The thing is is like you only know what you know, right, so that's.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's where we've said it's like well, when you're a young parent, right, you only weigh. Like you know that how to parent is based off of like well, you know.
Speaker 1:I'm not so bad. I didn't turn out too bad, yeah Well, except we have to trauma dump all of this in the podcast, yeah exactly Like here.
Speaker 2:We are freaking like, unwriting all the wrongs that like we have, we're like, we're great people.
Speaker 1:Just kidding. My parents never, my parents never hit me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mind it, but for me with Carly right Like I didn't. I didn't spank her or anything. I never hit her, but probably almost equally as bad was I yelled. I was a yeller, you know, and that's something like that we've implemented 100% in our house Like we do not yell.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because obviously all this research has come out too on like how harmful yelling is to children. It doesn't work. You know you're just escalating a situation. You know it's caused issues and Carly and my relationship, you know, and I think just going back to like having the older kids versus having the younger kids, Like I can see from her perspective why she would feel like some resentment over how I parented her versus how I parent Camila and Selena.
Speaker 2:Big time, I mean it's.
Speaker 1:How could she not?
Speaker 2:It's tough and like that, and that's the thing is is like, and I think that that's what adds into her not being around as often as we want it to that. It's like To show her. It's just like we can change and she's deserving of that and it was a mistake and we can right those wrongs and and I have apologized to her for it and explained like you know, I, I don't want to say I didn't know any better.
Speaker 1:Because I did, because at the time, when I would yell at her immediately afterwards I would feel Like shit. You know immediately. So I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I didn't know how to fix it Right. I did not have the tools at the time. You know, it's crazy to think like.
Speaker 2:People just think like oh, I just don't yell at him and I'm like it's not. Like the problem is that like these feelings because you and I would talk about this in the sense of like these feelings would overcome you and like you just don't know when, how to direct them and it's like well, how do I basically read it? How do I basically basically redirect my discontent or my displeasure? Like how do I, how do I explain to my child this? And it's just, that's been the hardest thing. But I think a lot of that plays into like when we were, when we first started dating we kind of talked about it before in a previous episode it's like we didn't argue and you know, I remember that that was probably the biggest thing. I'm like listen, but when we first got into like our first fights and stuff like that, when we first started dating and we're just saying to you, I'm like I'm not gonna argue with you. Yeah and I think that kind of. But that was the first time I ever did it. Why didn't engage a fight? Cuz I? It was like one of those things I'm like why? Well, I Love this person more than having the last word. We were moved pride from it and I think that that's, and I feel it's the same way of being a parent, because I Think it's so much of the culture of I'm your dad, I'm your mom.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna tell you what to do.
Speaker 2:This is how you need to live your life like you're not a person, you're not an individual, like you're an extension of me, it's like you're my hand, you're my arm, and then it's their own person right, they have their own ideas, their own thoughts.
Speaker 1:You taught me that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was the biggest thing that you taught me, amongst many other things that you taught me. It was realizing. It's like, well, like no, they have their own personalities. In like yeah, and then that's where I learned too. It's like you have to love Each one of your kids differently. You can't parent the same way. How we parent Camila is gonna be different the way how we parent Selena yeah, they're completely different people right. It's just they're gonna have different needs, different, different wants. They get it. They're gonna have different love languages, that they're gonna respond differently to the way how you say this and the way how you say that right.
Speaker 1:I think, like our general parenting philosophy, is the same right, but you have to deal with each kid individually.
Speaker 2:Right essentially is that figure and now, and adapt to them. And that's why it's important to have that open dialogue with your kids and because the thing is is that, especially when they get it as a learning now getting into the teenage years, they're evolving every single day and like those different things every single day. Oh, big time right.
Speaker 1:We, especially with the oldest, like we grew up with them. We were, you know, you were 21 having Chiara, I was 22 having Carly. You know our relationships Didn't work out like we were dealing with a lot of our own stuff too, you know, and we've both been to therapy and we've both, you know, worked on it Still work in progress with the older kids and how we parent them. Yeah, you know, I mean it really is, and I think going back to, like the step parenting aspect of it right Is like. So Mia was only, I think, five or six when you and I met you know, and I've always found it easier to Parent her, like, if I need to, you know, tell her not to do something, or or, you know, whatever it is, I've never had an issue Doing that with her, whereas I'm very hesitant to do so with Chiara. Right you know. So it's just interesting, like those dynamics when you're a step parent, like you're not sure, like Should I say this, should I not say this? Are they gonna go back to their other parents? You know, and for me, like there have been times that you know, when I was pregnant with Camila just to go back a little bit they left with us fully for like six or eight weeks, remember I think, like their mom's apartment was under construction. They lived with us for like six to eight weeks, so I'm pregnant you know they're there. They are, and I'm a natural caretaker. I'm going to mother them like I can't, yeah. We have pictures of you like baking with them from scratch, and yeah, like it's just you know I'm gonna Treat them like they are my kids. You know just just like I would my kids, right? But then and this is the part of step parenthood that's just so difficult is like then you know the apartment's ready and Boom back to the old custody schedule and I'm like wait a second, like I just Was in this parenting these kids for, like you know, this many days in a row, like Used to them being here every day, and then their mom wants them back and boom back to their mom, you know. That's so hard. It's still hard, it's still some, it's still something that I deal with.
Speaker 2:you know, I think it's, I think it's even particularly harder for you at times Is that because there are instances where you're exemplifying, you're being that example of a mother more than their mother sometimes, and I think that the way how we're internally wired, it's like, well, in a child's eyes, their parent is God, right, and but that person, just because they're a parent, that person can be poison for you. And it's one of those things that I think is particularly tough and I've seen you deal with it is that you know, because they're wired to want their mom to want their mom that you're like a second class citizen and they're like oh yeah, hey, thanks for taking care of me, loving me, nurturing me, taking care of me doing all those other different stuff.
Speaker 1:Bring me to school fucking my lunch. Bring me to school.
Speaker 2:See you later, though. See you later, sucka, and it's just like.
Speaker 1:I just want to clarify, like both the girls love me and have never treated me with anything except for love and respect, and I don't want to make it seem like that's not the case. I'm very fortunate in that sense. Like they, I've never had to deal with like what I know some stepmoms deal with. Like you're not my mom, you don't treat like you know that kind of thing I never have. They're both amazing kids, but it's just my own, and I know that a lot of stepmoms must deal with this and I'm really interested to hear Megan Carly's stepmom her perspective on it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Cause I know a lot. I just know, if you're a mom, like at heart you know, and you love and nurture these kids like they're your own, and then they just go back to you, know their actual biological parent, because that's who they want and that's who they should want, you can't help but feel almost like oh my God, like what am I like? Why am I even like trying?
Speaker 2:you know it's, it's hard because, like you know, what's funny is that like now, like I'm just kind of talking about my feelings in this right now. Is that because and this is like now like my wheels are turning, like why I don't feel a certain way about it, and maybe I don't know whether or not it's because Carly does a great job at, you know, kind of giving us our places and things like that, and there's never any issues like I have no issues with John, like and he's a great father and stuff, like you know, what I'm saying, like there's no issues in any of that, but I also wonder if a lot of us do the fact of that. Maybe I don't have those films because, like, maybe I didn't have like the best of example growing up, and so therefore it's like I don't know, it's like it's just something that made me question. I'm like they're like think about it and like re-circle back to that, because it's like, obviously, talking about it right now, it's like huh, like this maybe feels a certain way.
Speaker 1:I wonder how much of it is just because you're a man and no, no, really, because I know like in general not saying all, but women tend to internalize things more and I think there's just so much culturally with like mom guilt and things like that. And I think stepping into a stepfather role you kind of get like kudos like good for you, you're taking care of someone else's kid, right Like, and there's really no beef between like guys.
Speaker 2:Generally it's true, cause, like I have no problem with their mother's husband and stuff like that, like he's a great guy, like him and I have like have great conversations and things like that too. So I think you're absolutely right, cause we can like carp, carp, carpimentalize much easier, right.
Speaker 1:You know you and John will sit there and at Carly softball games and shoot the shit and have great conversations.
Speaker 2:And like it's like nothing.
Speaker 1:You know it's like nothing, but with moms and there's a huge like thing, like, oh, like, well, you're not my kid's mom, so you better not act like it. I'm the mother, I'm the mother. Like to step mothers you know yeah. And I just think that's just part of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know what? Yeah, Okay.
Speaker 1:We could probably do a whole episode on that dynamic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, you'll see. Yeah, I think I think that's probably where it is. Yeah, I'm gonna talk about it with Megan I was like I'm still gonna think about it, yeah, Cause I really got my wheels spinning. I was just kind of like huh, like I'm gonna run it by a few of my buddies that are step fathers as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Just to kind of be like get their perspective.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and when I, when, when I have that podcast episode with Megan, I'm so interested to see her feelings like especially about like the beginning when she first met John and stuff like that, and if she had any of these same kinds of feelings. You know, it's been so long at this point you know she's been in.
Speaker 2:Carly's life, literally since she was three, she probably like, yeah, and Carly's 15. Now she doesn't know life without her. She doesn't know life without her she doesn't remember.
Speaker 1:So I think it will be really interesting to kind of further explore this dynamic as we go along.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.