From Statistic to Entrepreneur, Challenging Stigma and Finding Success - Steph Silver is RightOffTrack | Anya Smith

I'm seeing this video of kids skiing
versus adult skiing for the first time
it's downhill
it's fast and the kids are just yes
yes the adults are terrified
right if it's their first or second time
they're terrified to go down the mountain
and when they fall
it is legs and arms flailing everywhere and ha ha
and they are you know
just dumbfounded and
and then they don't wanna do it again
this happens for entrepreneurs all the time
when you're in the habit of taking chances
you don't think of a wrong turn as a failure
you just think of it as the wrong turn
and you look and go woo ah
I don't think I'm gonna do that again
but if you've
if you've never taken chances
or if it's your first time on the mountain
and you've never really failed before
then when you fall
it hurts so much more
and it's so much harder to get back up
going off track is taking a chance in yourself
following your poles of curiosity
it's making your own decisions
the most wonderful adventure
hey friends
welcome back to right Off Track
your favorite podcast for discovering
the transformative mindset of purposeful entrepreneurs
I'm your host
Anya Smith today
we have an incredible guest
who is all about creating meaningful experiences
and helping others thrive
her life has been a whirlwind
moving 30 times before the age of 18
and experiencing everything from campgrounds
to homeless shelters
but she harness her optimism and grit
to find personal success
also capturing all of this in her book
Anywhere USA in 2,018
our guest founded Vine Collective
a platform that cultivates meaningful experiences
through coaching
advisory retreats
and public speaking
she's also the host of MVP Business Podcast
where she trains
educates and amplifies leaders and businesses
who live through their mission
vision and passion
get ready for inspiring story of perseverance
and tangible tips
for finding beauty in the dark corners
from the remarkable Steph Silver
Steph I'm so excited to have you here
thank you so much
I'm so happy to be here
it's such a pleasure
when we first talked
I was so amazed by your
incredible journey and everything you've accomplished
and I would love to dive in
wherever you wanna start about you know
the transformation that you capture in your book
if that's okay
feel free to take anywhere
but anywhere USA
it just seems natural to talk about um
how did your journey start that
and how did that count
how did that inspire you to write this book
so the the book actually captures my life
it's a memoir uh
from age 2 to 42
basically um
I had just this wild ride of a childhood
and when I went to college
I put myself through college
and it was the first time
I always knew that my life wasn't normal per se
but it was in college that I started
to look around and I would tell a story
and to me I
it was you know
one of the funny stories
my friends or boyfriend would look at me and say
dad that's not funny
that's actually pretty sad oh
that's the funny one
you don't know what you don't understand
but my family had a way of looking
at all of these experiences and remembering them
was such a happy
go lucky um
you know uh
memory that we would literally
we get together and we would drink and have holidays
and so like
remember that time that we were living in the cabin
and it washed away in the flood
and when we lived at the
at the parking lot of the post office for a few days
laugh about it
because those types of experiences were so common as
so I knew at some point that I was going to write
the book down
actually I thought
this is gonna be a lifetime television
movie at some point
cause it's just too wild like it
and maybe it still will
maybe that's the next step um
but it wasn't until I started writing it a little bit
a few years ago
and I think it was the same process that a lot
of people who think they have a story
but don't have the training
they start off writing it
and they try to write
it perfectly well from the
from the first go
and they're
thinking about okay
so the best stories have
all this color
and you know
you're filling in the feel and the
the smells and all those kinds of things
and it's also grammatically correct
and it's got everything perfect
so I'm gonna start with writing the perfect story
and I got um
a couple of chapters in
I shared it with someone and they said oh
well okay oh
I know and it's just stuffed me in my track
so I stopped for
about five years
and then I had a really big life change and um
I just knew that it was time to start again
and that time
it took me about uh
six or seven
months to write the book from beginning to end and
and then have it edited and Steph
if you don't want me
putting back to his
the the you
mentioned just how
you had the sense of
this is normal right
this was your normal right
the experiences that some others
did not find normal
can you share with me
what did what did you um
learn about yourself through that process
and we talk a lot about the side like oh
you have to have the perfect childhood
and get your
child to all these extracurricular activities
get them motivated
and that will make them successful
and yet from the story
you're sure
you had a very different upbringing
and that shape a different perspective
so what did you learn about yourself
through your
unique experience
well I definitely wouldn't
recommend the first half of this book as a
how to raise children haha
but I would
learn a lot
and I think
I've Learned a lot at
going through
and living my life
but also in
writing the book
um I've Learned a lot of lessons
over again and then
I've reiterated
the strength and resilience that I have
one of the things that I Learned
as a skill that helped me as an adult is
not only resilience
but the ability to be
malleable um
I can walk into any room
and figure out
how to fit in
and who to have a
conversation with
and who's safe
who's not very quickly
um and that is something that I when
when people relate to me
and they say
oh yeah I had a
very similar experience
they have a similar talent
of being able to
um to mesh with
many different types of people
and there's always something that
that we can communicate about
and I can quickly
um become one
in any group
uh there was a fear
for many years
that I was I
I became someone in order to fit in
but that wasn't always who I was
so there was a fear
that I would be seen
for who I really am
which my fear
my thought at the time
was that I was a
a poor ugly
not smart person
um and so I
had to put on personas
in order to not be
seen as what I thought I
was um luckily
as I've grown
through the years and
and worked hard
and proven to myself
um that I'm not
those things that I thought I was
those other skills
are still there and
and it gives me an extra
super power
and the other thing
is the I mean
there are so
many different things that I Learned and
and I think
strengths and skill sets that I
I have have in my
quiver but um
one of them is
the understanding that in America
at least where I grew up
we have so many
opportunities
that if you fall to
the absolute bottom
you can get back up
there is always an
opportunity to
get back up
and I say absolute bottom
knowing that
the bottom is different
for absolutely every
person at every
stage in their life
you know um
the bottom for some
people may be
a high credit
debt you know
like oh my gosh
I can't believe I have this credit card debt
for others for my parents
I don't know
if there really
was a bottom
cause we would
we were homeless many times
children living in
campgrounds
or on the side of the road
or in shelters and um
we would do it again
and again so
we would go from a
from living
out of our car
to living in a campground
to living in a motel
to living in a four bedroom house
it overlooked the lake
and a boat and
all the things
and then we would go back to a campground
and not because we
get kicked out
but because my
dad just decided
he didn't want to live there anymore
so we left so
the other thing that I Learned is that
there's choices
maybe the four bedroom
two story house
is not quite
what you thought it would be
once you get there
maybe you'd
rather live in a campground
and I think my dad did
I think he wanted to just be in nature and um
the thing that I Learned from my
mom was that
you absolutely
can live your life
chasing happiness
and it looks different
for everyone
you don't have to chase success
I also hear
the sense of peace in
your voice when
you talk about that
I can imagine
there be a lot of resentment
potentially you know
having to go through hardship
but you just sound so peaceful
and if I can add
I also can relate to some of
the things that
you talk about
not fitting in
feeling you have to
fit in for safety
I grew up came here
when I was 7
with my mom
from Russia
and between
between being here
I went to probably
seven different schools
in three different countries
while growing up
because my stepdad is an
airplane engineer
and I you know
I can relate to feeling
not fit in a lot
I feel like I was
the ultimate foreign kid
maybe not due to the
economic circumstances
but just again
going through
all the things
and changes
I remember being called
fat in Spanish
in the Spanish school
and I'm in a different language
not even knowing languages
in the classes that I'm starting
and you know
it to me became
the sense of
like fitting in
isn't just about you
like it's about safety
and even now
it makes me struggle
sometimes like
sharing my voice in a
powerful way
seems like it's
challenges that
perception of safety
so when you talked about
undoing some of those
limiting beliefs
you had in your head
how did you go about doing that and
or even think
figuring out
hey I could
I could do something differently
around these things
that have been limiting me
um I can't say that I did many of them consciously
um I knew when I was growing up that I didn't
want my adult life to look like my childhood
and so I I knew that I
was going to have to work very hard
and that I was going to have to do it on my own
I was terrified to go to college
I honestly thought that it was for
I didn't know anyone other than teachers
that went to college
so I thought it was for you know
rocket scientists and astronauts and brain surgeons
and that everyone was going to laugh me out of school
and so I I cried really hard
but I knew that I had to do it
there's something in me
and I know that I'm
I'm blessed um
with a strong work ethic and a desire to grow
and I think those two things
helped push me through that
I had that sense of not being
all those limiting beliefs
I had every one of them
every single one of them but right
I still knew that I had to keep working
cause I wanted something different from my life
and the interesting thing about you know
a lot of people are talking about
manifestation these days
the interesting thing about manifestation
or having a dream and working toward it is that
you never know what it's actually gonna feel like until
you're there
just like I said
my dad didn't really want the four bedroom house
and the boat
he wanted the boat
but that's the four bedroom house
but he didn't mind working either
he didn't people have
uh concepts about
people who are poor or living on the streets
he was very honest
both my parents were very honest
they worked hard
uh we did utilize the government every now and then for
um you know
food stamps or
or you know
the food pantry and things like that
but they were not afraid to work and they
they didn't take advantage of the system
you know uh
they didn't lean on it too heavily
but how I got through it
I don't know um
I know it's harder now
and I was um um
putting together an article
about the difference between
falling from the bottom and falling from the top huh
yeah I you know
the analogy that I see is
and this is very much um
a wealthy analogy
but I'm seeing this picture
um or video of kids skiing
versus adult skiing for the first time
it's downhill
it's fast and the kids are just
and they fall yes
they don't have to fall from very far
so it doesn't hurt
the adults are terrified
right if it's their first or second time
they're terrified to go down the mountain
and when they fall
it is legs and arms flailing everywhere and haha
and they are
you know just
dumbfounded
when they wake up
or when they
hopefully they didn't pass out when
when they open their eyes and
and then they don't wanna do it again
you know getting back out there is really hard
where's the kids
just like oh
I just fell from this short little spot
so the interesting thing that I've Learned is that um
when you're in the habit
and this happens for entrepreneurs all the time
when you're in the habit of taking chances
you don't think of a wrong turn as a failure
you just think of it as the wrong turn
and you look and go
I don't think I'm gonna do that again
if you're smart enough
you look at those things
I'm not gonna make that turn again
or maybe a not at that speed
or whatever it is
but if you've
if you've never taken chances
or if it's your first time on the mountain
and you've never
really failed before
then when you fall
it hurts so much harder
so much more
and it's so much harder to get back up
that's one of the things that I've Learned
recently um
and if you read the book
you'll see you know
read that there
have been some really big changes for me in my life
recently and I thought
why is this so hard
when I've been through so many things
and I'm relearning all the lessons
that I Learned in the first 43 years of my life
and the book helped me to do that
but um I think
there are a couple of things
one is being
100% honest with yourself
and it's hard enough to be honest with everyone else
uh I mean I'm an open book
I literally wrote my whole life story but um
some people have a hard time
telling their secrets
telling their their
talking about their darkness inside
and whether you talk to somebody else or not
you have to talk to yourself about it
you have to be honest
and this again
there really is no difference between life
relationships
and entrepreneurism
entrepreneurism
is it the right word
business will make it one exactly
entrepreneurialism will like
drag it all out and make
all sorts of different syllables in there um
but business
there's no separation
because it's all psychological and the
the more you're honest internally
the more you can clearly communicate
where you are
and the more
you clearly communicate where you are with yourself
the better you can do that with your partner
your friends
your employees
your team so
at what I have Learned
so many things
being introspective
being willing to grow and learn
to hear feedback and
and implement it
all of those different things
being willing to work hard
being willing to sit down and cry to open up
to ask for help
to be kind to others
when you see that
that something's not quite right
you know um
you were saying about uh
how you didn't
everybody feels like they don't fit in
at some point
and if you're able to be the person who even fits
fits in slightly
and you look over and say hey
how's it going today
nice dress or whatever it is
I had to get brave
enough to start doing that with the opposite sex
knowing that it may be taken wrong
because men aren't used to getting compliments
or being invited in
from the opposite sex but um
but doing that
can change somebody's life
not just their day
very powerful
and it feels like
this goes into
the theme of
how do you go through tough transitions
because you have this self reflection
and honesty
yourself along the way
but because
how was the reception
for Anywhere USA
you know um
what kind of people
who did your audience turn out to be
and maybe how has it resonated
people through their journeys
to what you heard
I want my audience to be absolutely everyone
but it it is
very much um
mostly women
anywhere between the ages
of 17 and 50
and um that it
it resonates with
with those people
because it is a female journey
it's my journey
but what I found is that I
I absolutely love this
and it's what I
was hoping for
is that everyone I speak with
and you know
people have come
out of the woodworks
to communicate
that there's
there's something in there
that they resonate with that they
um you know
they remember
taking that trip to Brace
Canyon with their family
when they were 12 years old
or they remember
the time when they didn't fit in
and it was really tragic um
or they remember their alcoholic
parents that just
had no clue how
their actions
affected them
as children
and still as adults
uh you know
or all the different things
there's all these different points
um in the book that
people of all
ages shapes
and sizes are um
are resonating with and
and seeing that
someone else
was able to
to get over
and get through it
and find something better on
the other side
yeah and communicate about it
because most people
who've been through
you know like
the book starts with
uh pedophilia
and then it goes
to homelessness
it deals with alcoholism
it deals with a teenager
trying to figure out
their their
their place
um you know
I started working when I
was 8 years old
lost my virginity
way too young
and had to try to figure out
am I an adult or not um
all those different things
and then um
I I I read a book
uh years ago
called The Glass Castle
um Jeanette Binage
parallels my story
in a lot of ways
but the thing that
caught me on
that was well
but how did
what happened
did she succeed
where did she go
and I I so I looked
her up and I
I had to find out
what happened
yeah and um
she ended up
living in New York City
and being a successful
journalist for a tabloid
and I so so
with my book
I thought it was very
important to show what
the adult side of
of life was
like for me
because I of
my teachers
assumed that I would
be a statistic
and I mean we're
all statistics right
like how do
you say that
only the lower class is a statistic
I don't like that yes
and um even the term
lower class
but let's say
people with lower income
why are they statistics
and the you know
millionaires aren't
we're all statistics
in some way
but you know
everybody assumes that
I would be pregnant and um
a pregnant alcoholic
by the time I
was you know
19 or 20 and
I wanted to give an example
to you know
the teenage girls
who were struggling with um
addictions of
all sorts or
parents of all sorts
and to say that
you don't have to have help to succeed
you can do it
but also I wanted to recognize
that in order to help someone
you don't necessarily have to take them into
your home forever um
you may just say
hey you got this
or give them a job
when it looks like they're
not quite qualified
but part of me
also resonates
the sense of hope
that we need to give
people sense of
that somebody
can relate to their story
and has been in those
situations and
has done something with it
and so I really
appreciate you
sharing that
in your book
in this podcast with me
because it's
very important
like that's
part of the reason
why I create
the podcast
for the entrepreneurial side
where is um
the sense of
we often think that
operas have to be a certain way
and that they're different than us
that it's unrelatable field
but it's all people
trying to do good in
the world trying to
make something happen
and the more we
see the humanity of it and
have a sense of hope
that that's possible for us
the more we open up
our possibilities
with that in mind
so here you are
mentioned you
were going to college
and that seemed like
an astronaut
launching to Mars
out of space
kind of experience
but what happened from that
point where
you don't know
if this is gonna
happen for me
it seems out there
but I'm going go for
to now you're an
entrepreneur
like what were those stuff
that got you to
now thinking
beyond even like
going to school
but thinking like
the world's my oyster
I can do more
well I've gone through stages of
there is no limit to me
to have all
all the limits um
I go back and
forth and uh
I worked um
when I started college
I declared marketing
as my major
and but I had
I and I had
scholarships in theater
so I ended up
getting a degree in theater
and I didn't take
one marketing class
haha not one
or I didn't even take a business class and I um
I waited tables
as a lot of
college students do
and I went to my
I was working at a
high end restaurant
in downtown Austin
I worked there
for four years
and I graduated
from college
and I said hey
hey Jeffrey
I need to quit
and go get a real job
well we have
hired a consultant
you remember
Christy she has
recommended that we
promote you to
director of sales
and marketing
is that something
that you know
and I said wow
that sounds
like a real job
so for for many years
I thought I just got lucky
but then I realized that there's no
way I would have been recommended to that job had I not
shown that I was you know
that I had something um
I worked hard
I showed up
I was willing to do whatever was necessary
for the customer to be happy
and it wasn't whatever
was necessary to fulfill my job duties
it was whatever was necessary
to make the customer happy
and if I had to you know
jump on the line and make a quick thing
or if I had argue with the chef because the
the you know
customer asked for some sort of
you know special take on haha
on the dish that you didn't wanna do like no
this is what my customer wants
and this is what we're gonna do
and um you know
if I if I did jump into any different role
I would do it
if I needed to clean the toilets
I would do it um
one of the first things to see you clean the toilets
one of the first things that I did as director of sales
and marketing was scrub the bathroom at Shoreline Grill
because it didn't
match our perception of value
when the cleaning people came in
they quickly mopped and left
there were you know
like it wasn't clean in the corners
yeah we charge way too much
food for someone to come into the bathroom
and we don't have clean corners wow
so I got on my hands and knees and I scrubbed the floor
because my idea of brand is experience right
every single touch point that your customer has
with your everything is your brand
from the moment they park their car
you know whatever it is
they're driving over
they looking for your sign
they can't find it
they're already frustrated
that's part of your brand experience
so that immediately
and I think theatre helped me with that because
or maybe I it just part of my persona
because I remember um
the first time I attended a real experiential play
where it was set in the Arctic
and they put the air conditioner down to way too cold
and I am a cold
you know cold
I'm a tiny person
so I get cold easily
and I thought
this is brilliant
of course you would do that
that's part of the experience
right and so
you know um
so I love all of that
and that's where my passion
for brand experience started
then my first day of marketing
it reminds me
there is a list online about like the most beautiful
bathrooms haha
they're actually people who
not only have these
cause they actually get recognized in a very unique way
that adds to the best
that's so funny
so now you got this rule
and I can imagine that some people would
not even start in that bowl
like they would seize opportunity
no I don't have that background
I don't have that degree
and I'm a theater major
how can I even say
what gave you the confidence to even say yes to that
and then how was it to then
execute in this new role
in this new capacity for you
that's interesting
think my background of having you know
jumped into
or been forced into challenges and new experiences
helped me to say oh yes
this is an amazing opportunity
but then all my
understanding of the reward of hard work is what
like actually help me to exceed and excel
so the first thing I did
was go to the bookstore
Half Price Books here in Austin
as where I started
and bought every
marketing book that I could find
I joined the chamber of Commerce
and went to seminars and um
I did as many free things as I could
I started networking
and I just the other thing that I did
and I love this
like I forget about it sometimes
but um I am
I'm afraid of sales
I done a natural
sales person
I don't like
the concept of selling
I like relationship selling
I like consultation selling
but it not always an option
so in order to motivate myself
I um drove around
and looked at houses
because I wanted to
buy a house in the next couple of years
because I love to garden
and I don't
I don't like to garden in a place where I know that I'm
not gonna be able to see
my flowers bloom
or my vegetables grow
or whatever it might be
so I drove around and looked at houses um
as it before I went and did the for Dales
I went into the office buildings
and went to the top floor
and then worked my way down
delivering packets that um
market at our
private event space
for the restaurant gotcha
so it was easier
it was scary
but it was easier for me to go
and have those face to face
conversations than to pick up the phone so yeah
that's what I did and I
but I drove around the neighborhoods to
um to get my
will up to do that first
I'm curious
one thing I think about a lot is resilience
and how do we cultivate
and what differences they have
so for example
I think not to say
my childhood
was probably
not as extreme as we
described yours
but I definitely have some challenges again
being here as a foreign kid
traveling different countries
I started work when I was 13
so not extreme
but I do think they
motivate me to be resilient
I also had the sense
I don't wanna be like my mom
in the most loving way
but I had this sense like
I wanna be just relied on myself
not dependent on
anybody and so um
that made me who I am
a part of that
was ever just
and I think about my kids
who have a lot of things to come easier now
they have a lot of uh
blessings that I'm grateful for
but also do have a slight hesitation where
that they're
not gonna be as resilient
because they
had it easier
and I wanna challenge it
but like what
are your thoughts on
this Brazilian
it's not that I would wish on
anyway to have a
difficult life
right and then
difficult childhood
but I do think there's something that
when you do have to face
situations that
force you to Brazil
it does give
you an upper edge
later on in life
I agree with you 100%
but it is a challenge in
the actual execution
of it as a parent
because almost every
parent wants to give their child um
a better experience than what they had
whether it's
financially
or experienceally
and so I very
specifically
created a life
for my kids
that was um
the opposite of
what I grew up with
uh right they
lived in the same home
for eight years
that was like
might as well have been
white picket fence
yeah absolutely beautiful
and and then
my family went through
a lot of change
and my husband
and ex husband
and I ended up
getting divorced
and in that process I
I went through
the concept of oh my gosh
I created this perfect life
for my children
what how how
am I going to be the one
to destroy it
I literally said to
one of my friends
I'm gonna break my kids
haha and but
he grew up with me
and he said
Stephanie you're
not gonna break your kids
are you broken
it's a little bit
haha well um
you know it's like
the whole concept of
the Japanese base
and you know
how they make art
out of the broken pieces um
and I realized that their
the Protection
the helicopter that I
had become was
actually creating more
uh weakness
than strength
and so that's something I think about
all the time
especially now that my kids are
almost into
you know becoming teenagers
and they haven't really
had that much to overcome
and I see um
people who I think the more
we have this pendulum
kind of situation
happening right
that the the um
you know we
we were up in
like latch key times where like
you just walked home from school
you made your own lunch
there was no mom there
because she
was working too
and you just figured it out
and so whether
you were poor or not
you still did that
and now I remember
hearing about
a story of a mom
getting in trouble
because she
had her kid
go to the park
for two hours
between the time that he got
off school and
she came home from work
she was a single mom
and she had to work
and she got arrested
yeah and I thought
what that teach the child
not only the
parent like
how does she live
and the child was fine
he was playing
you know he was
he was good
and he also knew
mom has to work
because this is
how we live
if this is how
we have a home
and we have food
yeah you know
and like I wish that
we didn't have to work
sometimes but
what would life be
if you didn't have to
work and have some challenge in
your life so
you think the more
we are taught
the opposite of this
the more we're taught
that you can overcome
the more you can
overcome anything
there was a
almost an epidemic
of um young
male suicides
a couple of years ago
because there were so
many young men
who had never experienced
a challenge
or a loss or a
anything that
shook them they were
the you know
president of
whatever club
and the star of their football team
in their small town
and they were told that
they could do no wrong
they started college
they were at
the bottom of the wrong
and they couldn't
handle it yeah
much so that
they thought that
being gone was better yeah
think this again
going into entrepreneurialism
I don't know if that's a word haha um
business life
parenting all of it
you have to be willing to fail in order to succeed yeah
and I wish we would take that word fail out of our
vocabulary entirely because
it doesn't have to be a thing
it's completely up to us how we
see it and feel it and wake up with it
you know a a um
a business that starts and doesn't succeed
is that really a failure or is that an adventure
it's an experience
it's a learning opportunity
it's an opportunity to make new relationships
it's so many beautiful things
and if we allow our kids to
try a sport and hate it
but we push them say okay
you're gonna be in this sport for the entire season
and whether you're sick
or you break your arm or whatever
you're gonna show up
to the practice and you're gonna support your team
even if you cross your arms and you accept it you know
you're gonna go standard
you're gonna go and we're gonna support your team
and you're gonna work hard
and if you don't like it
you don't have to do it next time
but you're gonna try
and you know
I remember the first time my older son
really scraped up his arm
he was like
he was on a scooter
and he's like slid down the hill on his arm
and I as the mom
I know my baby
and my husband at the time said good
like you asshole
what he said
no good good
he like he hurt himself
and he's gonna get back up and do it again no
and I think that's one of the powerful things of having
you know a masculine
feminine balanced relationship
is sometimes the masculine helps you to see
that you have to push hard and be strong and
overcome and um
a Band Aid doesn't fix anything
like getting back up
and seeing that you can do it again
and not fall is what fixes it
yeah and I'm hearing all this
and sounds like things we could all pledge to
our life as well you know
not just the kids
but really all of that relates to us
cause I think we put so much emphasis
like when I'm young
I can learn
and I can go to school and I can start a business
and then it seems like as an adult
you're done
you're done learning
you have to be in one track
you have to like
get to that
infinite promotion level
but that's all like
you are set for life
as opposed to
we're always learning
we're always failing
we're always living uh
it's a process
we're always kids in that way of life
we're always kids of life
and those are the
people who have the most amazing experiences of life
you know when you
you can get into your 40s
50s 60s and realize
you know I I know a lot of people here in Austin who
are in the tech space
or they work for a semiconductor
a manufacturing company
and like once you get into that space
and you are financially successful
like you're on that track
but what if you hate it
or like it you know
it did everything I need to do
I'm ready to retire
you can now
be a painter for the first time in your life
you know you can take up art
at any time
you can go back to school
at any time
you don't even have to
now that we have
you know Google
and you Demi
and all these things
you don't have to go to college to learn a new skill
fully yeah I
I think I mean
I'm doing that
you know I would
I don't have any training in writing yeah
I never thought I'd be an author
like I said
I thought that somebody was just gonna hear my story
make it into a movie um
really didn't think so yeah
they still can reach out to Seth haha
it's read it
it's quite entertaining
um it's coming of age story
I as soon as I finish this book
I wrote the end
and another beginning
and I'm immediately
I knew the next book
I was going to write amazing
do you wanna share a little bit
or the secret
sure I called
or about overcoming curses okay
we um we think of curses as
uh you know
Snow White you know
somebody is
an old lady was like
oh I curse you and
your family
to never have love for the rest of your life and um
in reality um
everyone has curses
and they are um
they come to us
through generational trauma
or from an alcoholic father
or an experience of um
moving from one country to another
and it's you know
we call them all sorts of things
like limiting beliefs and
all these things
but we can overcome them
they can also
pop back up
you know once we think that they've been
pushed down far enough
yeah yeah but
if we don't overcome them
then they do become generational curses you know
the statistics we talked about earlier
are not because
of intelligence
most of the time
there because
we pass down
our ex fears
our willingness to work
our expectations to work
we pass all those things down
and we either pass them down linearly
or we create
the pendulum effect
where we know there's
one child in this destitute family
who says not me
not anymore
and I'm gonna
overcome the odds
but it's the pendulum
is the reason that they
did that um
they can the
the next generation
can go back just as easily
if you don't overcome it
interesting
so I'm excited
it's gonna be
an amazing story
and look forward to discussing
out our next
podcast when that comes up
and one thing I also want to create space
for is like
we didn't even scratch
the surface
there's so much to
impact of your story
but I would love to
create space to hear about
the Vine Collective
and also if
you have a moment
if you wanna share about the
MVP Business Podcast
cause you're a podcast host as well
so share these amazing
resources in
the communities and um
entrepreneurs
adventures that you
undertaking
absolutely so um
in 2018 I left the agency
I've been working for
for 14 years
and started Vine Collective
it is a thank you
a branding company
so we help people create
their brand identity through
content writing
story development and design
package design and um
and then with that is business
advisory or concept
and a passion
and pull it
forward into business
helping you to keep
your mindset
in you know
in proper alignment
moving forward
and helping
you to overcome
all of those things
in life that
any business that
um that might
pull you back
and overcome those
curses and um
and limiting beliefs
with that I'm also
and with the book um
opening up to uh
life coaching
uh for I mean
life coaching goes along with business coaching
because they are
all intertwined
if you are not
um productive
and happy in your life
and that is going to
affect your business
and vice versa
so I look at
all of those things
and help you to
see what you don't see
see your strengths
and move forward
and the the
the life coaching that um
that I excel most
and and I'm
attracted to as um
typically with women
but also with men
helping them through
times of transition
and change so
um whether it be
starting a career
going into a new career
like we talked about um
making that
a shift you know
first time mother
that's also
a career mother
dealing with
death or divorce
both of my parents have passed away
and I actually um
I mean a lot of
emotions around it
but I still found it to be
a beautiful experience
and felt blessed to be
that my mom
allowed us to be in
the room when
she passed away
and so helping other people
to go through
all of those transitions
um in a way that is
as healthy and conscious
as possible
and I will be
completely honest
that I tried
really hard
personally to be
conscious in
my divorce and
I wish that I would have had a
me to help go through it
because yeah
I made choices
um that you know
and said things
yeah we all do
um the the point is to be
honest with yourself
fully to know
the feelings that
you wanna feel
when you get through it
and then be willing to be honest with someone else
uh because there's you know
life is messy
unfortunately
it is not it is not the
beautiful picture that
we thought it
was gonna be when we
fought hard
to become adults
I wanna be a grown up
wait a second
I wanna be a kid again
I want nap tabs
darn it what
I want it built in
we need siestas absolutely
I'm curious
so with your experience
is there anything that you could check
a common tools or strategies
to handle these difficult situations
I know it's very broad
but are there core things that come up through
these challenging transitions
that maybe somebody listening that
oh you know
I'm going through challenging transition
what can I maybe start to do
or think about as I'm going through it to
come out healthier and stronger
absolutely there's um
there's three different things that are um
helpful to all people going through any transition
whether it be business
life or anything between
one of them is journaling
I'm not a journaler
but I find it really helpful when I'm in the midst
and just like
there's so much happening in your brain
that sometimes you just get it out
and if you can't talk to somebody
you can write it down
or even if you are talking to somebody
like first thing in the morning
or when you're just in that spiral and it
just can't quite quiet down in the moment
journaling is really helpful
the other thing is um
breathing techniques
there are there's
sometimes it's just done
just allowing yourself to take that deep breath
when we are in a panic mode
we take shallow breaths
I just choked myself
we take shallow breath when we end up um
short circuiting our ability to think clearly
so sometimes
just taking one deep breath and slowing down
I mean learn this when you know
when we were in junior high
and how to communicate if somebody makes you mad
but it's so helpful in every way
and if you can turn that into a
a bigger you know
breath work type of situation
where you breathe in for four counts
and out for four counts or
there are so many different techniques of breath work
that can get you through the panic
the moment of
you know fight or flight
beyond that
a meditation schedule
even if you don't feel like you can do it all the time
or you can't sit still there
you can do a walking meditation
you can work it into your exercise
or just five minutes a day
it doesn't have to be you know
this morning I meditated for 30 minutes
and that's awesome
but it doesn't have to be that
and you don't have to sit still and do it perfectly
but meditation has changed my life completely
so I highly recommend meditation
the other thing that has been
really helpful for me and my clients is um
whatever it is you want to feel
or you want to know
turn it into a um
an intention or incantation
that you do the lap right before you're going to sleep
and the first thing when you wake up
so um one of the things that I've worked in um
because of the divorce is
and because of my childhood
let's just be honest
and it's too to say
and this first
when you first
when you wake up in a panic in the middle of the night
or like that anxiety
wakes you up at 3:00 in the morning
you say I am loved
I am lovable
I you know whatever it is that you need to know
yeah tell it to yourself
as soon as you wake up
don't let that other stuff come in
it's like I'm sad because nope nope
I'm anxious
because nope
nope no I'm loved
I'm lovable
whatever it is
and sometimes it's
for me it's not
I'm loved and lovable
you know those things
it is um I am
a productive badass
like I'm a productive badass
I have a production
like whatever it is that I need yeah
yeah that moment
don't let you go down this spiraling path
of negativity
especially because
when you are sleeping
your logical brain has shut down
you're in the imaginative space
and that's the space that messes you up
haha no when you're in those
you know those times of transition
that's the space that says
I can't do this
but you can
one thing that has helped me
do with my little child work is recently
I've been thinking about
imagining myself as a child and there
are certain things that were painful in my life
and then vision a
like I know it for some people that were so delusional
but envision the best case scenario
like every living
that moment is much detailed
but in the way
it's best way possible
but another thing I do is also
imagine myself as an adult right now
like being present
that child and like
feel like I'm
I can keep you safe
and I'm here for you
and I see you as this beautiful human being
of all the potential in the world
and creating that space
I know it's not for everybody
but that's something that's really helped me with my
challenges and troubles in my life is
and then going through that scenario
releasing some of the energy
giving it back to
where it needs to be
outside of myself
and then also
cultivating that relation
like I am secure
like I holding that child securely
seeing the value of them
kind of giving the
energy back and forth between those states
I made that might find that helpful
and what I wanna also
this just my little journey
but what I also wanna ask um
for sake of time is
you've done so much now
you're an author
you've worked in so many different spaces
you're an entrepreneur
you've done life coaching
you help with brands
and with all of that experiencing
what advice would you give to somebody who is
on their entrepreneur journey
what have been your biggest learning as
entrepreneur
going through all of this
I mean I've Learned so much
but I would say that um
I do so many things
that require me to
step into fear
and personally
I don't think I would be happy if I didn't
I'm not a stagnant person
the more I ask
the more open eye
and honest I am
the more I succeed
I have I think
I literally asked for help for the first time
just this week
not I'm do it myself kind of person
but it felt so good to just
they haven't even said yes
I'm just like
I put it out there
I think as an as a person with ambition
look at the thing that you wanna do and
lay out the steps
just the first five steps to get there
and start doing those five things
you don't have to have the entire business plan
the whole thing mapped out
cause it's probably not gonna work that way anyway
right I mean
if you're gonna
if you're trying to get funding or something like that
you have to draw everything out
but then that app is off
it's like doesn't even work anymore
as soon as you get the funding
like somebody pops up and says
what about this
and then oh
we gotta throw away that map
so I think just anytime you wanna do anything it's like
you know I wanna
I wanna take the trip to the town next to my town
you still like
okay what do I have to do
I have to get my purse and make sure I have my keys
and my phone and get in the car well
that seems easy because I've done those things before
even though I've never been to that town
so that's my advice is don't let fear or this idea of
I've never been to the moon
how am I gonna get there
okay do you know how to
get on Google and look for like
are there anybody
is there anybody in my neighborhood
or in my town that has
you know been any
so just one little step
what are the first 5 steps that it takes
take those 5 steps
and I also wanna highlight
you have a great resource to your podcast as well
what do you talk about there
watch people explore
like if they hear this
like what will they find
going to your podcast
AP Business Podcast it uh
we showcase leaders who live through their mission
vision and passion
and um it is the stories of uh
of business leaders who literally
um live through their mission
vision and passion
they treat their customers well and they
their small businesses
large businesses
products coaches
it's across the board
but it's not a
this is you know
how you get your ROI and make $5 billion in a week
it is yeah how you know
it's the true life stories of um
of people who have
doing it who are
living their dreams and their passions through business
that sounds amazing
I I think we need more and more resources of the
are unreal stories
so you can find something relatable in there
can find that people who are doing things are amazing
are real humans who struggle
and they learn and they keep trying
just like any of us
and also I think it's great to have more time with you
so you get to share more of your
kind of your insights through your journey as well
through that platform
and is there anything else that we did not mention
that we've covered so many areas
because you have some Death Express
and I feel like we've only scratched the surface
so let's before we go into our rapid for questions
let me know if you missed anything
and where can people find you
and what we should
resources are out there for you
so I I at Vine Brands on Instagram
vinedashcollective.com is my website
and then my personal Facebook is actually I mean
I'm on LinkedIn
but my personal Facebook
Stephanie Mallory
Silver is where you get the more
the nitty gritty
a combination of business and personal
I'm still I'm not a social media person
I'm a very very
you know um
direct communication person
so um I I'm
social is necessary
but I'm I'm fine
my flare I want to be the person
who dances all the time on Instagram
I figured out
what my place is yet
but you may see me dancing on Instagram
you're pretty I love it
can't wait can't wait
I look forward to it
also just amazing
at here at right off track
we wrap up with 3 rapid fire questions
so whenever you're ready
welcome I'm ready
okay first one
what advice would you give your 20 year old self
don't be afraid
you are so strong
so resilient
people love you
you should love yourself yeah
who inspires you
or who do you look up to
everyone haha
oh I love people
people um everyone has something to offer
there right now
I'm in love with two different people
who don't know
I'm secretly admiring
Aria Lanzarotti
I think you probably know
he is a business coach who lives in South Africa
he's Italian
from Germany
but he's brilliant
and he has a podcast called the Zenpreneur Podcast
and he is amazing
and then Hannah
Alonso Bartlett
is a um coach
but she has a um
in from Spain
and she calls it the integrative
integrative is how it say it
but Integrative
Healing Institute
and um she has uh
training in
shamanism and
energetic work and
all the healing modalities
and she has a brilliant way
of simplifying
the concepts
of the you know
doing your mental
inner and energetic work to
overcome your business challenges and live
your best life
so those are the two people I admire most right now
and I wanna mention
you mentioned earlier
you know like
sitting with your um
and giving your
um your child
they're the peace and
and resolution they needed um
I actually also picture
giving myself that same peace
with either
a mirror version of myself
or a grown up that I trust
and I say that because
Hannah doesn't know that
but she has sat with me and told me
everything's okay that I oh
gonna get there
you know what I mean
so I think yeah
like visualizing that someone that
you really admire
has their hand on your shoulder
and is saying
it's like I'm gonna cry
just saying that
saying you're going to be okay
because we are
all children
when it comes down to it
like we think we've grown up
and grown out of those weaknesses and fears
but we haven't yeah
we still have them
absolutely absolutely
especially as
entrepreneurs
when you're
you're putting such on
the line of yourself
your work is no longer deliverable
for the visit
you're putting
yourself out in the world
and you're constantly
failing and learning
and growing so 100%
I love that
shout out to them
listen to the podcast
join us haha
or check out
all these additional resources
if you're listening okay
last but not least
in the positive context
going off track is
going off track
as a concept or
whatever means
to our title
the podcast is
right off track
so what is going
off track mean to you
in the positive context
so I I think going
off track as
like finding
your own way
you are we are all
meant to take
our own journeys
and going off track means to me
it's like getting
out of the public
school system
you know you're not
uh you're not
allowing yourself to stay
on the in the
that was defined for you
you go on your own path
you create your own path
and it's beautiful
it is beautiful
it does hearing
your journey going
off track has been beautiful
so I appreciate you
sharing stuff like your
your story I
I can't get over just
the peace that
you have inside
you I'm not
I'm shot easy
but that stick to
the one thing
that I just
look at your life
everything accomplished
and I'm just blown away by the peace
you have around all of it
which I'm sure takes
energy to cultivate and um
create day to day
but to all of
our listeners
I hope you draw inspiration from this episode
hope that wherever you are
whatever challenge
you are facing
it gives you a little
bit of hope that
you can get through
the dark corners of life
and rise to them
stronger and if
you need somebody on your side
you have Steph
and her wonder
resources are released
we listen to this
episode or check
out some of the other
wonderful podcasts
I would just mention
and as we wrap up
I just wanna
give a quick shout
out to something that is
close and dear to my heart
and that is
the non profit
ready to empower
they are empowering women worldwide
and they've been doing so
for the last 10 years
this year they
are raising $50,000 by
December 8th
100% of which goes to operation cost
so if you feel a little inspiration
just to make
an impact in the world
any amount $1
$5 whatever it is
that feels good to your heart
would be so
appreciated
check out the link below
and stuff again
thank you so much
for your time
is there anything
you wanna share
with our guests
before we let you go
I wanna mention that
Anywhere USA
is available on Amazon
and Barnes and noble
and you can
ask your local
bookstore for it
but also I just wanna say
that the um
the impact a
Smiler kind
word has on
on anyone much
larger than you may uh
may realize
you are capable
of doing the thing
that you're thinking about doing
I love that
check out all these users
I'll put in
the link before
below for Anywhere USA
and I want to remind
everybody listening
that we should take over
the world together
so thank you so much
for coming back
track of me
until next time
take care thank
you so much
that thank you