I See You

Narrator: Welcome to Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self, the place where you can get real answers to tough questions. Jesus promised you abundant life but poor choices and dark forces stand in your way. It is time to learn how to overcome the obstacles that keep you out of your promised land. Knowledge of God will pave the path for you to walk in His blessing

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Dr. Ray: Hello and welcome to Self Talk. I'm your host, Dr. Ray Self. I appreciate you listening to my podcast very much. This podcast is brought to you by the college that I founded, an online Holy Spirit-filled college called the International College of Ministry. We're enrolling right now at icmcollege.org. We are affordable, we have hardship scholarships available. Check out my ministry at icmcollege.org. So today I'm talking about I see you. I see you. To be seen and known is critical for us. It's important for us and whether you know it or not, you crave it and I crave it. A scripture I want to share with you concerning this comes from the book of uh, Corinthians, chapter 13 verse 12. “For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.” “Fully known as I have been fully known.” To be known to be seen, to be valued, to be accepted is all critical, but I want to talk about seeing a person and what that means. 

I'll tell you a little story. You know, I grew up in some really dysfunctional stuff, I won't go into the long detail um, rough, rough times when I was a young person. And then I get married and um, rough marriage, some really hard things going on in business and um, just a lot of, it's, it was a very hard nightmarish time in my life. Now I'm 70 years old, I'm talking about back in the early 80s; and, I struggled with self-esteem, I struggled with depression, I struggled with feeling hopeless, I struggled with feeling worthless, I struggled with feeling like that I matter, and I was going through a lot of crazy stuff. Sometimes it was so crazy I would even question my own sanity. I don't know if you've ever been there, my, I would question my own reality. Again, this is back around 1983, 84. Around that time I was very depressed and I, it was a very interesting time in my life. I was so depressed one day that I was actually in the living room living room of my house watching tv. And I was sitting in a recliner, nobody else was there, I was so depressed that I was in what is called, I call it the black hole. It's just a place where you're so depressed that you see no hope, no joy, you feel completely dead inside. It's a horrible place. I call it, some people call it the pit, I call it the black hole.

So the funny story is ironically as I'm flipping channels mindlessly with my remote control, all of a sudden a commercial comes on the tv and the commercial said, “are you feeling hopeless? Do you feel like you're in a pit? Do you feel like you have nothing yet to live for?” And I'm going yeah, yeah, yeah. And it said call this number now and for some reason, I said wow, maybe this is God talking to me through a commercial, could it be? So I called the number. Make a long story short, it was a, it was a hospital and they asked me to come in and talk to an intake counselor. I'll never forget this. So, somehow I made it to the hospital and I talked to an intake counselor and I got this Christian counselor. It was a lady, I'll never forget this as long as I live. And I just shared some of my woes and my story and she looked at me and she said “I understand you, I get where you're coming from.” And she started confirming what I was feeling and she was, as she was talking to me I understood holy cow, this person actually sees me. They see me. And she was able to confirm, you know, you're not crazy. What you're seeing is real. And she just affirmed and reaffirmed me and it literally changed my life. But what I remember the most was holy cow, I have finally met someone who understands me completely. It was like she could see right through my outer shell and see my heart and she knew what, who I was. She understood the pain that I was in and she understood my reality perfectly. And it literally- that one little session changed my life.

But thinking about today, we all have this desire to be seen and known. How frustrating is it when you're talking to someone and they just don't get you or maybe you're in a relationship and you know this person does not understand you. We need to be seen and known. You see, God sees us and God knows us. He created us and by faith, we can receive that and go okay, my Savior, He knows me, He gets me. But you know, honestly God knows that that's difficult for some of us to kind of get that into our spirit. We used to say wrap our minds around it and make it part of our heart that God sees us, God understands us, God accepts us, God loves me unconditionally. And I hear all that and I know all that but to experience all that is a challenge. But sometimes in your life you'll run across that person who sees you, that- it could be a best friend who, who sees you and understands you. Maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's a teacher. There's a significant person who can actually see you and when they, they see you and you know they understand you and they know. they get you and at the same time, they still appreciate you, they value you, they love you and they see the truth about you. When you meet that person, they will change your life. It's a life-changing moment if you have somebody in your life who can see you, who can understand you, who really gets you. You ever heard that expression “Wow, I finally met somebody who gets me.” It's rare. I wish I could say it's common, but there are not that many people who actually gets you; who really can see the truth about you and understand you.

Now, on the counter side of this, because of this desire that people have to be seen and to be known, many people go to extremes and use unhealthy measures to be seen. Some people, they, they put on a persona or they wear a mask. Some people just will dress lavishly or outlandishly to be seen, some people want to be upfront, they want to be the center of attention to be seen. Some people will act like a clown to be seen, some people strive for performance and success to be seen. And we go through all these gyrations and tremendous striving and effort just to be seen. To be seen to be known. And the counterfeit is that we develop these counterfeit ways to be seen and recognized. And then it doesn't really work, it doesn't really satisfy. We keep trying and trying and trying but it never works. For instance, to be seen and to be recognized, many people are title hungry. I, I'm amazed at how many people in the body of Christ today call themselves an apostle. It's amazing, it seems like there's apostles on every street corner now. Now, you know I'm saying there, I mean, they are, I do believe there are apostles and prophets and five-fold ministries still here and still alive and I do believe some people are called as an apostle, I'm not discounting that. But I also know that a lot of people in order to be seen and recognized are assigning a title to their name- Apostle John Smith, Apostle Ray Jones, uh, you know, Apostle This, Apostle That. 

So it seems like every time I turn around, there's a new, new apostle there. Or I remember some years ago it seemed like everybody was calling themselves a bishop. Now I'm not discounting there are real bishops, there are real apostles, but there are also people that desire this title to be seen, to be known, to be valued and to be recognized. And as I've taught before, the spirit behind all this is actually a spirit of illegitimacy. What the spirit of illegitimacy does is makes you question your worth, question your value, and crave that worth and crave that value and so we end up doing things to find, to make ourselves acceptable. It's our performance, it could be the way we dress, it could be our titles, it could be our, our actions, it's all to be seen. There's people in ministry that want to be in front of the church preaching on Sunday - I'm going to be careful here - not because they're called but they want to be seen. They can be seen. People will dress in outlandish clothes and some women will dress to be seen, some men will dress to be, to be seen and we want to, to win a contest to be seen, we want to be famous to be seen. How many people crave being famous to be seen? We want a position in the church to be seen, we want to be a position in our company to be seen. We want that prestige that status, that's what the world says you have to have, prestige. You have to have status, you have to have all this stuff. Why? So you can be seen because we crave being seen. 

But that's all counterfeit and so we go to these measures to be seen, to be noticed, to be deemed valuable, to be deemed successful. And here we have God who sees us completely and is, actually sees us as joint heirs with Jesus Christ. He sees us as members of the royal priesthood, He sees us as His children, His sons and His daughters. He sees us with people carrying authority and the anointing as temples, as temples of the Holy Spirit. He sees us as people where his Spirit resides, He sees us and this is who we really are; this is our value, this is our worth, this is what God sees in us and what God wants us to do is see ourself the same way. But it seems like we crave for the world to see us,“Oh, if only the world could see me,” and so we start doing things that the world will recognize so we can be seen. This is why we crave the title. You know, I'm Dr. Ray Self. You know, I've kind of fallen in this trap. I remember in the early days when I, when I got my doctorate, it's like ah, now I'm Dr. Ray Self. There was a temptation that I could be seen and recognized because I have a Doctor in front of my name. And actually, I did get seen and recognized because of the Doctor in front of my name but that's not, that's counterfeit, that's counterfeit because what really means the most to me is when I know someone and I have a relationship with someone who can see right through me and can see my heart, can see the truth about me. And also, that person who can see that I've got weaknesses. I've got failings. I have struggles. So do you. Listen to me, don't tell me you don't. I struggle, I have issues. And my son calls them isms; I got isms. 

But this person who can see me and value me and understand me, changes my life, is the person I want to be around. And this person can be a friend like I said earlier, a spouse, a teacher, a coach, a brother, a sister. But if you don't have that person, you have God. You have God who sees you, God who sees the truth about you, God who sees your amazing gifts and talents and God who sees your sins and your failures and your weaknesses and He sees you and He still accepts you and He still loves you. And we crave that. That's something we crave that. And so but we crave it from people and we need it from God. And the problem is very few people can do that what God does. I've had just a few people, a handful of people in my life who could actually see me and understand me. 

Let me talk to the men a second. The need to be understood is critical for men, especially men. That's, it's critical for everybody. Men, I've learned a lot in relationships, when a man is in a conflict with his wife for instance, the main thing a man typically wants is to be understood. It's not so much the man wants to win, he wants to know that, “do you understand me and do you value and consider what I'm saying?” If a man feels that he's understood and his opinion is, matters and his opinion is valued, even if he doesn't win the argument, usually a man is okay. “Just understand me. Please just understand-” how many times have you heard somebody: “Will you please understand what I'm saying?” What we crave is to be understood, to be known, to be seen. And then because we're known and we're seen and we’re understood, our opinion is valuable, our thoughts are valuable, our feelings matter, our, our ideas, our visions, it matters. It's important because I'm seeing and, and I want somebody to see that in me. I want somebody to see in me that, that my, my thoughts really are good and they matter. And I want somebody to see in me that I've got some great ideas and great visions; I'm a pretty intelligent guy and I want somebody to see that. I have some struggles and I've got some concerns and some worries and some stress and some failings but I want somebody to see in me and love me anyway and value me anyway, to understand me.

God does that. God does that. And by faith we can have that. But if you're lucky enough, or blessed enough that God sends a person into your life who can see you and get you and understand you, man, hang on to that person. Do not let them go because that's where your affirmation, that's where your confirmation, that's where your needs will come from. Now we can't meet everybody's needs but it is so good when you're around somebody who really gets you, who really knows who you are. 

Now on the counter side of that, it is very frustrating to be around people who have no idea who you are. They do not get you, they do not understand you, and that happens a lot with Christians because you know, we're only outside looking in. We're not of this world so we're around thousands of people in our lifetime who cannot see us at all. They cannot see us. Remember, I told the story, I've told this story multiple times, you've read it: Jesus goes back to Nazareth to minister to his own hometown. They could not see Him, they said “Isn't this the carpenter's son? His mother's Mary and his father's Joseph and he's got these brothers and sisters. Yeah, we know him, he's the carpenter's son.” Jesus was labeled in Nazareth as only the carpenter's son. That's all He was and the people of the town of Nazareth could not see Jesus for who he was and I know that hurt Him. A lot. And I know He, and He left the town and did almost no miracles there at all because of their unbelief and the fact that they could not see Him. You see, even Jesus wanted to be seen because He knew it was for the benefit of them and that's another thing. When you are seen and known, you can really do some cool things for people when they see you and they know you.

I know with me, when I go and I visit a church, maybe in another city as a guest speaker, typically the people there will see me as the pastor for that day or the speaker for that day. They'll see me as a guy carrying the anointing for that hour and they'll just line up for me to pray for them. I was in Chicago back at the first of January and literally over 200 people got in a prayer line for me to pray for them. They saw me as this man of God, this prophet of God that they wanted me to pray over them. And it felt good. It was kind of overwhelming but it felt good. But I can go sometimes to my own family and friends and they don't see me at all. I can go around the neighborhood and they just see me as “oh yeah, that's Ray, that big guy; he lives in the corner house there in Winter Park. Yeah, he works in his yard sometimes, Yeah, I know who he is.” They don't know me at all. I know who I am and I really crave being around people who know who I am and appreciate and value who I am and I need to do the same thing. It's not just for me, I need the ability and pray that if I'm around you that I can see you, that I can understand you. That may take me a while but if- when I'm around somebody I need to get them and try to understand them to the best of my ability. 

Now if I've been, and I have a friendship that's been going on for a long time, somehow, some way, I should be understanding that person and getting that person and seeing the real person. Sometimes you have to have the Holy Spirit help you do that. But the desire to be seen and known is basic human needs. When we are seen and known, it gives us peace that passes all understanding. When we are seen and known, we feel like we can conquer the world. When we are seen and known, we feel loved. When we are seen and known, we feel accepted. And so look two things that I want to finish up with: know that God sees you and accepts you, period. With all your mess and all your good points and your bad points, your strengths and your weaknesses, He sees you, He still loves you, He knows you and accepts you. Believe that by faith, have faith in that.

Secondly, find people to the best of your ability in your life who can see you. Unfortunately,  not everybody in your life can see you. I wish they could see me but not everybody in your life can see you, especially when you carry an anointing and a call of God. People in the world have these blind spots. The god of this world has blinded the eyes of the unbelievers so it's very unlikely that an unbeliever is ever going to see you. But believers have the ability if they have the Holy Spirit, to see you. Find people who can see you, find people who understand you. Finding people who get you, that's going to be so fulfilling and so healthy for you, but you cannot expect everybody to get you. A lot of people are not going to know you. They're not going to get you. It's going to be a superficial relationship and we have to live with that. But find, search out those people who can really fully understand who you are. Pastors, I challenge you to the best your ability, try to see what's in your congregation, try to understand these people, have the Lord open up your eyes. Many times there are gifts sitting in the church that are being overlooked, super talented people that are not seen and the church suffers and they get their feelings hurt and eventually they're going to leave your church.

So to be seen and fully known is something we all crave. We can get that from God and we will also get that from a few, I wish I could say many, but we will get it from a few very special people in our lives that I believe God sends to us. Look for those people, know the truth from God, believe that God sees you, and find people who fully understand you. Now, you're gonna have to be transparent some to help this- to help this whole thing work out, you need to be transparent and open with safe people. Transparent and open with safe people. Not everybody's safe to be open with, okay? Use common sense. But when you find that person who can see right through you and still value and accept you, they are a treasure to be held onto, amen?

This is Dr. Ray Self and I pray right now, Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, everyone listening to me. Father, I pray that our friends, our family, our significant others that, would see us, Father, the way you see us, Father. Father, we need to be seen, we want to be known, Father. And Father, forgive us for wearing false identities. Forgive us for putting on a mask and trying to get attention just for people to see us. Forgive us, Father, from- that we create a persona that when people see it, it's not even who we really are. Forgive us for that, Father. Father, we are fully known by you and we love you and we thank you. And send more people into our lives who can fully know us, Father. Because Father, there’s so much in us that needs to come out. And Lord, help us to fully know and see those around us, Father. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I'm Dr Ray Self. Thank you for listening today. Hey, please check out my website, icmcollege.org. There's a lot of free stuff on there. You can take some free lessons, counseling lessons if you want to. If you see a counseling course in my college, icmcollege.org or you see a counseling course or theology course you want to take, all you have to do is email me. I can get you a way, I can send you a link to have that course, to take that course. It's $35 to audit any course in that school catalog so if you want to take a college course but you say hey, I'm not ready to enroll in college, I've got a couple hundred courses up on the website that I think may help you. All you have to do if you see a course that you want, I'm just gonna do it the old-fashioned way, email drrayself@gmail.com, d-r-r-a-y-s-e-l-f at gmail.com, and I will send you a way to have that course. I'll send you, you'll get a username and a password from me, you make a $35 donation to the ministry, I'll send you a username and a password that allow you to access that course. It's really cool stuff, I think it'll change your life. God bless you, adios and uh, sayonara, good night John Boy, good night Jim Bob, good night Mary Lou, goodnight Grandpa, love you guys.

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Dr. Ray: The International College of Ministry is a Holy Spirit-filled fully online accredited seminary. Listen to this amazing testimony from Ron from Biloxi, Mississippi.

Ron: Well, what does ICM mean to me? I've learned more about who I am in Christ and how I relate to the Holy Spirit who lives within me. I've gained more confidence in my roles at church as a marriage and family pastor. I thank God for ICM and the passion for helping students grow and learn such as me.

Dr. Ray: At the International College of Ministry, we are accredited and fully online. That means you take your courses anytime you want, you set your own schedule, your own time frame. You can do them early in the morning, late at night, it's totally up to you. We are now enrolling at icmcollege.org, icmcollege.org. Mention this podcast in the comments section of your application and I will give you ten percent off your entire tuition. God bless you.