On the Outside Looking In

Hello, welcome to Self Talk. I'm Dr. Ray Self, your host. What is this show about? It's about getting free. Getting free from what, you may ask. It's getting free from anything that keeps you away from God's plan for your life, anything that hurts you or suppresses you or causes you harm. That's my heart, that's my passion. I want to see you free, I want to see you living your God-given dream, I want to see you being the person God created you to be. Stay tuned for our next exciting topic. Thank you for joining us today. God bless you.

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Hello and welcome to Self Talk, I'm your host, Dr. Ray Self. Thank you for listening today. This show is sponsored by my dear friend Dr. Jess Youngblood. He's with Premier Family Care that's in Guntersville, Alabama, Arab, Alabama, and Bluntsville, Alabama. If you're in North Alabama and you need medical care, Dr. Jess Youngblood is a Holy Spirit-filled Christian doctor you need to see. So I want to talk to you– a subject today that, it's a serious subject that I think has affected a lot of people. I'm calling this when you feel like you're on the outside looking in. I've been around a long time, talked to a lot of Christians and this problem of feeling like I'm on the outside looking in is a very common problem among Holy Spirit-filled Christians. I have experienced this many times in my life and honestly, it's been frustrating to me and painful to me so what is it like? It could be you're in a situation - it may be since we're coming up on the holidays, you're at a family function, it could be a Christmas dinner, your whole family's gathered, you have nieces and nephews and uncles and cousins and, and you just feel I mean, you're there, you're glad, you're glad to see everybody but you just don't feel like you, you fit in. I mean, it's– you're, you're there but you're just uh… And you know, you love everybody and you're having a good time but there's just something in you that feels like you're just not quite a part of it. And I've experienced that actually, honestly, much of my life. 

I remember in high school sometimes feeling out of place, I remember in college feeling out of place, I remember in some churches feeling out of place and in jobs feeling out of place; or like um, you know, I'm here and I'm talking to people and I'm friendly and I'm interacting, I'm doing my job, I'm doing what I'm supposed to do but It's that feeling of I'm still kind of on the outside looking in. I'm not– I'm here but I'm not really a part. I'm not in the inner circle, I'm not in the core of everything. It's called on the outside looking in. It's a very interesting uh, scenario that goes on with, with a lot of Christians; and I want to read this scripture to you because Jesus was talking about this in John chapter 15, verse 19, Jesus said, “If you were of the world, the world would love his own. But because you are not of the world, because I chose you out of the world, because of this, the world hates you.” Now, Jesus is telling us very clearly we're not of this world, we're actually– see, when we got born again, we became a regenerated child of God, a joint heir with Christ, a member of the royal priesthood. We literally became a different person and then when you get baptized with the Holy Spirit, it's a whole nother level. And what Jesus is saying is you're not of this world.

So the ball game changes, things change. You, you're, literally become on the outside of this world looking in. Jesus walked the earth, okay, as one of us but He was not of this world. He was different, He really did not fit in. He kind of fitted in, I mean, He, He wore the clothes and you know, He was a carpenter's son and a shepherd. He did all this stuff but He didn't actually fit in, and He warned us that we are not of the world, and if we were of the world, the world would love its own. That's what it says in John. So what that means is if, if you were of the world, you'd fit in but because you're not of the world and like He said. “...I chose you out of the world, because of this, the world hates you.” or you do not fit in. And so my whole life, I, I've noticed this that I just, I mean, I'm a friendly social guy but I've never quite fit in. Always feel just a little bit on the outside. And what helps me in these times is to remember that Jesus told me I was different and I was not going to fit in because I'm not of this world. 

So what's, it's, if you're not aware of this and if you don't get this, it just leads to a lot of frustration and pain in your life. I can, I can tell you stories. One of my– one of the– interesting story which I think illustrates this: I lived in a, in a complex of townhomes in a really nice, nice neighborhood and the– it was a small complex and the complex, it was am you know, a group of townhomes and, and they were very social people and they like to have, they would have um, activities. They would have uh, you know, picnics and, and cookouts and all this kind of stuff and the neighbors all get together but it was almost like I was an afterthought. “Oh yeah, we're going to have a cookout at the pool; oh, Ray, you can come if you want to come.” And at that time I was, I was single, living, living by myself. And it was– I've always felt like “Golly, I'm an afterthought.” You know, I really liked cookouts and I liked people but I always remember that I wasn't really part of the gang. They would, they would invite me kind as an afterthought, then I would go and I would chit-chat but I never felt like one of the gang. And then one day, there was a um, one of the divorced moms. She had a single son and his father dies. Guess who they call? They call Ray Self because they need Ray Self to pray and they need Ray Self to minister to this child. And so whenever there was a crisis, then oh, they call on, they call on the pastor. But just to have fun and just be part of the gang and you know, part of the cookout or part of the festivities and he was just sort of an afterthought. 

It used to hurt me, it actually hurt my feelings that you know, Hey, why don't you guys make me feel welcome? But they didn't. And I see this so many times. I remember I worked in the secular world for a long time. I was a businessman for, for a long time and I was, I was a successful businessman. Some of you can read my, read my story in my book, Redeeming Your Past and Finding Your Promised Land, that's on Amazon.com. That is a plug, read my book and my stories in there about being a businessman. But even in business, as successful as I was, I never– I was always feeling like a square peg in a round hole. And you know, I had friends and I had– and I went through the motions. I did what I'm supposed to do, I made the sales, I did the marketing, I had this, I built the businesses, I built my profit margins, but I never felt comfortable with, with the people. It's like I was still that guy who was on the outside looking in. I was functioning and doing what I was supposed to do but I just wasn't a part. 

Then I noticed my family used to have these enormous Thanksgiving dinners, I mean, they were beautiful, just this beautiful– and um, I have a sister and a hu– and her husband, they're very, they're very wealthy and they have a beautiful home. They have this huge um, table, dining room table, this beautiful home, and they would have these wonderful Thanksgiving dinners with gourmet food. There'd be the turkey and the dressing and the, and the sweet potato casserole the green beans and there would be hors d'oeuvres and there would be all kinds of stuff and pies and cookies and oh my gosh, you name it and that would be– I would have nephews and nieces and nephews’ and nieces’ friends and people from the workplace and people will be chit-chatting and talking and here I am, I just come back maybe from the Philippines where I saw signs and wonders and miracles or I had just uh, experienced a blind woman seeing, her eyes being healed, a blind woman seeing and uh, I had just maybe ministered to, prophetically to 500 people down in New Orleans and all this incredible stuff going on and I really wanted them to, to share and understand what God was doing but they had no interest. I was just on the outside looking in and whenever I would start to share a little bit about my life I could tell they would just sort of zone out.

And what’s also interesting was nobody, nobody, I mean nobody in the family actually ever asked me, “Hey, how are you doing? How is your ministry? What's going on with you?” They really, they never even asked. Now there'd be, there'd be 30 or 40 people there and nobody could– because it was that feeling again of being on the outside looking in and it was frustrating. And because I love my family, I just wanted to share the goodness of God with them and give them some testimonies but they just weren't interested. And now, I love my family but my family– at this time there was a lot of worldliness in my family and you see, Jesus said again if I was of the world, the world would love his own but I'm not of this world. So, unfortunately with some of my nephews and nieces and cousins and friends and whoever all those people were, a lot of people there I didn't know. Some of them I was not, I was not part of them, I was on the outside looking in. But Jesus told me about this and, but there's - leading up to something here - there's a really wonderful conclusion to this. It hurt me, I'm a sensitive and tender guy, I love my family and friends and I wanted to be a part but sometimes I would forget what Jesus told me that, “Hey, you're in this world but you're not of this world. You're not of this world, they don't get you, they can't see you.”

Remember when Jesus - I think I talked about in another podcast - when Jesus went to Nazareth, they couldn't see Him either. When He went to Nazareth, “Isn’t that just Joseph and Mary's son? And we know his brothers, isn’t that just the carpenter's son?” He couldn't– He wasn't seen or recognized by his family because He was not of this world so He wasn't recognized either. So it was uh, very uh, frustrating. And I experienced this feeling of being on the outside looking in over and over and over and over. And if I didn't realize what was going on, it would tear at my self-esteem. And sometimes I would get a little amnesia and I would forget that “wait a second,” you know, “I'm a Holy Spirit-filled Christian. I'm not fitting in here, I'm not fitting in.” 

Now, on the other side of the coin, in my travels, in my ministry, there's times when, when I get around at a particular church or a ministry or an event, I'm around a bunch of Holy Spirit-filled Christians and man, I get them and they get me and there's a warmth and a connection and a love and a, and a fitting end that's just beautiful. And that feeling of being on the outside looking in, it kind of goes away when I'm around a bunch of Holy Spirit-filled Christians. It does, I'm just, I'm just telling you for me it does. But then when I'm around people and some of the people that I'm around, they claim to be Christian, but I'm around people who claim to be Christian but to me are kind of worldly, it's awkwardness. There's an awkwardness to it where I'm just not, you know, I'm just not there, I'm not, I'm not quite, I'm not quite fitting in. I hope– maybe you've experienced this or maybe you haven't experienced this, but I want to talk to you more about it because if you're not aware of there's a reason that you're not fitting in, if you're not keenly aware of this, it can cause you to feel rejected, it can cause you to feel ignored, it can cause you to feel illegitimate and the devil can play havoc with you over this. So I hope you're getting this. I'm gonna pause right now because I got a special message for you.

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Okay, we're back now. Hear me, this feeling of being on the outside looking in actually is a treasure. It is a gift and you're going, ‘Well, how? Dr. Self? How could you say it's a gift?” It is a gift because what it is, it's a sign. It's a sign– now think about this now. It's a sign that you have been chosen by God. It's a sign that you are a member of the royal priesthood, it's a sign, it's an indicator that you are a joint heir with Jesus Christ. It's an indicator that you have the Holy Spirit of God in you. See, when you don't fit in and you're not connected to people you really want to be connected, it is an indicator of who you are. When Jesus could not fit in or they would not let Him fit in at Nazareth. The– why? Because He was not of this world. It was an indicator that He was the Son of God and they were of the world and they hated Him for it. They didn't know what it was, and this is another thing - I want you to get this. Sometimes people will not like you for no reason. You don't understand why is, it– “What did I do to you? What did I say to you?” And what's going on is the Holy Spirit in you is in conflict with the spirit that's in them and that happens over and over and over and over. I remember countless times being singled out and accused of stuff that I never did. It's like, why are you accusing me? What, what is this? And it's just, it's the Spirit in me is in conflict with the spirit in them. And they literally– remember, they said that Jesus was hated without a cause because they didn't recognize who He was. The spirit in Jesus’ accusers was in conflict with the Spirit of God that was within Jesus and the Spirit of God within you is in conflict with people on a subconscious level and they don't understand what it is about you that they don't like but they don't like it because they have a spirit– and they have a spirit and their flesh that doesn't like it and it's not in agreement with the Holy Spirit that is within you.

So when you have that feeling of um, I'm on the outside looking in, I just– gosh, why, why don't people get me? I don't understand why they don't understand me. What is it? Why do they not appreciate me? Why do they not– why won't they let me be apart? Kinda sounds like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you know, he couldn't be a part of the reindeer games. You know, Rudolph. It's not the story of Rudolph but it's kind of but not really. Okay, so back on track. A little ad, but here's the good news: When you, this holiday season with your family– maybe your family's all Holy Spirit filled, that's wonderful, praise God for that, but if you're around family and friends and you don't fit in, it's because you're amazing. It's because you are of God, it's because you have the Holy Spirit, it's because you're that joint heir, it's because you're a royal priest, it's because you're saved, it's because you're redeemed, it's because you've been regenerated, it's because you've been chosen. Oh man, oh man, oh man. It's because you are a child of God, it's because you're a child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, it's because you're above and not beneath, because you're the head and not the tail. That's the reason you don't fit in. 

So when you don't fit in and you're on the outside looking in, hallelujah! It's good news. I mean, it's a whole other way of thinking that it's, it's actually a blessing. Now, it is, now the sad part is when I don't fit in it also– not only, I mean, the good part is it’s an indicator of who I am in Christ. The bad part is, or the sad part, because I'm, I love people is, it also shows me that I may be around people who do not have the Spirit of God. Maybe they're just not– they may not be saved, it's not for me to judge but they may not be saved, they may not be filled with the Holy Spirit. And you know, we're around a lot of people like that and there's going to be a conflict and that grieves me because I really want them to have what I have. I don't want them to be like me, I want them to have God, I want them to have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ, I want them to be filled with the Holy Spirit. And so I know with me, when I'm around Holy Spirit-filled Christians there's immediately a connection. A matter of fact, when I do mission trips, I could be in Guatemala and I'll just connect with these guys like, I don't even speak their language and I'll connect with them. And I remember in the Philippines, connecting with these Christians on a very deep level and, but not being able to speak their language - I think it was Tagalog.

So you are different, yeah, you're different, you're unique, amen. I think the bible calls us a peculiar people. We are peculiar and we don't fit in. We are on the outside looking in and that's a– praise God - and that's a good thing, and that's a sign. That's a sign. It's an indicator, it's confirmation that you are Christ's child. You are saved and you are filled with the Spirit. And you know what we do for our family and our friends, we pray for them. Oh, Lord, touch them just like, Lord, You touched me. Send your Holy Spirit on my sister, on my brother, on my cousins and my aunts, my uncles, my nieces this holiday season. Send your Holy Spirit. Touch them, Lord, save them, Father. Convict them, Lord, because that's what we want because we love them. 

So don't get discouraged when you have that uh, I don't fit in and nobody gets me, nobody understands me. I know and um, I, I can't tell you how many times I've been hurt by that because I wasn't, thinking I wasn't thinking about Jesus and how He warned me this would happen. I wasn't thinking that there's just a spiritual conflict going on and I wasn't thinking that, you know what, I can have compassion on these people who are inadvertently rejecting me. I can have compassion on them and I can pray for them, and that's the proper response and I can love them unconditionally the way God loves me. So yeah, you may be on the outside looking in and I will tell you something, it's actually a pretty good thing because you've been chosen to be on the outside. The outside of this world. Not in this world but on the outside of this world. Not a part of this world.

I hope this has helped you and ministered to you. I'm Dr. Ray Self. You know, check out my links. I've got all kinds of stuff that could help you out. You know my website, I'm president of International College of Ministry, icmcollege.org. It's an incredible Holy Spirit-filled college. We have financial hardship scholarships available, we have free courses, you can actually take some free lessons, you can sample the courses. We have all kinds of resources for Christian counseling, for prophetic ministry, for theology, for pastoral ministry, all kinds of stuff. Courses on the prophetic, courses on evangelism, courses on Christian counseling, topics like setting the captives free, overcoming depression, you know, domestic violence, sexual abuse, overcoming, all that kind of stuff, icmcollege.org. I've got some courses you can audit for 35 dollars if you want a course, to take a college course for 35 bucks, check the links in the, in the show notes, we can do that. That's all I got to say. I love you much, it's been an honor and a privilege, this is Dr. Ray Self and this is Self Talk.

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Narrator: Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed today's podcast, please subscribe, rate, and review our show on iTunes, YouTube, Spotify, Charisma Podcast Network, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Your review helps our show reach more people and spread the gospel. You can purchase Dr. Self's latest book, Hear His Voice, Be His Voice, on Amazon.com. Please visit Dr. Self's webpage at icmcollege.org for more information and free downloads.