The Brave Encourager

Narrator: Welcome to Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self, the place where you can get real answers to tough questions. Jesus promised you abundant life but poor choices and dark forces stand in your way. It is time to learn how to overcome the obstacles that keep you out of your promised land. Knowledge of God will pave the path for you to walk in his blessing.

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Dr. Ray: Hello, and welcome to Self Talk. I'm your host, Dr. Ray Self. Very glad you're with me today and this show as always, is Sponsored by the International College of Ministry, icmcollege.org, a Holy Spirit-filled seminary, now enrolling. That's my little promo for today, but I'm excited because I have a very special guest from Minnesota named Heidi Mortensen. Heidi, welcome.

Heidi: Thank you, I'm really excited to be here.

Dr. Ray: Well, tell, introduce yourself to our audience if you’d do that.

Heidi: Sure, yeah. So I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in the state of Minnesota. Um, I own a mental health practice that I run with my husband, um, it's called Bridging Hope Counseling, and just recently I actually became a podcaster just like you on Charisma and so that's how we met, um, and so my podcast is called Strong Tower Mental Health where I bridge mental health and Jesus. And um, I am also attending um, BSSM, Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry, and I recently just published a book called The Brave Encourager: How to Change the World with the Power of Encouragement. And I'm, I also have three little children, ages five, seven and eight.

Dr. Ray: And it's amazing because they're quiet right now. 

Heidi: Yep, they're at school.

Dr. Ray: Oh, at school. No wonder they're quiet. Well you know, when you, you, you show me your book- I, I saw a glimpse of it- the title is just fascinating, I mean, what an incredible- the Brave Encourager. I've never heard the word brave being associated with the word encouragement so if you don't mind, can you just tell us what the inspiration was for the book and what caused you to write this? A little bit about it?

Heidi: Yeah, well you know, as a little girl I actually would play business um, and I actually went to school for business so I wasn't originally a mental health student, um, and in fourth grade a friend and I actually had a little book business and so I always dreamed about being an author and writing. Um, so I just want to encourage your listeners that even if they're things that you've dreamed about, it's most likely God put it in there. Um, and a couple years ago, this popped in my head, I feel like God kind of just downloaded this idea of this book; and, with the outline and so I, you know, I kind of didn't do anything with it, um, and, until I started going through some struggles myself. Some really big struggles where, I feel like I would beat myself up a little bit by saying that I was the one that was making mistakes, I was not encouraging other people. I was really seeing a lot of struggles and pointing out what people were doing wrong, doing- well, like, especially my husband. My husband and I were not doing well and I was so frustrated with him and he was not up to par and he wasn't this good Christian like I was wanting him to be. And so there are these things you know, he's struggling with anxiety and it's him, and it's him, and it's him and if he would just change, my life would be better. And through this, God actually brought the book back to me like hey, you know I actually want you to write this book. Because so many of us point out what people are doing wrong, what we don't like about other people, what someone is struggling with, and we don't utilize the power of encouragement to actually change ourselves and to change other people. When we point out that oh, my husband struggles with anxiety or my kid is so shy, we're pointing out things that we can see with our eye but we're not actually pulling out purpose and identity which is what God wants us to do. That no, my husband's actually a very peaceful man and he is a really good leader. And through this, I've actually seen transformation in my marriage, I've seen transformation in my husband, just by me even writing this book and even learning how to speak encouragement instead of pointing out what I see in my, in front of my eyes.

Dr. Ray: So, pointing out what's wrong was not really working. 

Heidi:  No.

Dr. Ray: So pointing out all- pointing out, quote, issues…

Heidi: Yeah.

Dr. Ray: …what was working for you was proclaiming the positive encouragements? Is that what you're saying?

Heidi: Yeah, I would also even say, you know, if we want to get into prophecy, we're actually pulling out- when you pull gold, you're actually prophesying and you're pulling out what God says. Um,  you know, even if you don't prophesy and you, you're still encouraging, it's you know, it's, it's still pulling out something that someone is doing well. So for example, you could have a child, prodigal son. Let's say you have a son or a daughter who's really struggling with an addiction and maybe they're having a hard time keeping a job and this has been going on for years. I mean, I see this happen where we struggle with something that our child is, is dealing with and they're not loving who they are. They're, maybe they're going to church but you know, not consistently and they're not really plugged in and knowing, knowing their identity; and they're coping with an addiction and that's their way of coping. And as a parent, we, you know, let's say we're talking to friends. We're like oh, I'm so worried about my son, I'm so worried about my daughter. And the worry points out that they're, they came home at two last night and they're out drinking again or they're out doing this again and so you're pointing out, you're talking about what's actually happening instead of pulling the gold an encouraging them; and saying they are a natural leader, I see them changing the world, I see them starting a business, I see them getting a really amazing job, God has plans for them. You know, you pull out what Jeremiah says that God has plans for them not to harm them. And so you're speaking out what God says instead of the obvious in what you see in front of them. And so there's a difference between venting to the Lord; you know, like God wants us to vent to Him so I journal to Him. You need to get it out, you don't want to just keep this in. But if you're just continually repeating out what you're struggling with and what you see that you're struggling with, with other people, that's just going to continue. And so we need to shift how we're speaking. So you speak it to yourself, to your friends, and then also especially to your son and daughter, whoever it is, that's struggling and you say you are a leader, I believe in you, you're going to get free from this, you are smart, you are capable, I see you getting a job and staying at a job, I see you in, you know, fulfilling your dreams you are capable. You, you know, you just keep speaking life and the things that you know that they do well at.

Dr. Ray: Oh, that's so powerful. I- you know, I know we've, we've heard for years that words are powerful and I’ve believed for a very long time that, that we give by our words, we give Holy Spirit permission or we give demons permission.

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: And so uh…

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: And so not only are you proclaiming this uh, to yourself, you're proclaiming this to their face.

Heidi: Yes. And so the reason why I call it brave is because you're going to get some flack. Like, people will not support you. Like I've really found people will say to me oh Heidi, you're so sweet, you're so positive, like they don't really accept what I'm saying and really see it as truth. And so it's why we just okay, God's having me do this, the Holy Spirit's leading me to say you're a leader, you are brave, you are smart. No, you let- and then you let the Holy Spirit do the work. So you speak the words and you let the Holy Spirit work. But the brave part of it is that internally who you are inside has to genuinely be able to speak these things and so I think- so through the book I actually take people through healing, through forgiveness, being able to break down some of the walls that we have so we can get to be an actual brave encourager instead of just a positive speaker. You know or, you know, you know, I'm just going to speak positive to you or I'm just going to think positive. It's very different from when we actually are genuinely coming from this, this place of knowing who we are in Christ, that we are a son and daughter and coming from this place of real genuine confidence instead of just trying to fake it and not actually really meaning it. Does that make sense?

Dr. Ray: Yeah, so it's coming from your heart.

Heidi: Yes

Dr. Ray: It's not saying, okay, I'm not just saying this because I need to say this.

Heid: Yeah

Dr. Ray: It's coming from your heart.

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: But then, does the Lord show you- like, when you have a say a child who’s addiction- one interesting thing I've noticed is that a lot of people with addictions have a very strong call of God on their life and there really is some true, wonderful things about them…

Heidi: Absolutely.

Dr. Ray: …that's been perverted and twisted.

Heidi: Absolutely.

Dr. Ray: So what you're speaking is not just you know, oh, you can make it if you try. You're actually speaking from the heart truth.

Heidi: Absolutely. Thank you for saying that, that is so good because, so that is, that's what God talks about where our, His, our weakness is His strength and so when I'm weak, I am strong through Christ and that he's the one that actually can bring us through this. So, even for me, my, I have a strength of being an encourager but it was actually coming out as a weakness when I was struggling, when things were tough with my marriage, I wasn't encouraging. I was actually belittling and speaking out hurtful things to other people so, the opposite was coming out. Shrapnel was coming out of my mouth, you know death and life is in the power of the tongue, and so I wasn't speaking life even though I have a gift of encouragement and so you are absolutely right. No matter if somebody is struggling with something, we gotta flip it. When we flip it, we'll find the gift of what God- and a calling that God actually has on their life.

Dr. Ray: Tha- ‘cause, well, I think that's amazing. You know, I think our flesh just wants to point out the flaws and you say but this is the truth, this is the truth.

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: He did it,

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: he did it. I mean, he drank, he did this, he lied to me. You know, he was not polite, he did this. And so you think well, it's the truth. You know, it's the truth. But, it's not- I've often said this not all truth is helpful.

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: But now you're saying you can see there's another truth.

Heidi: Well, and if you look at like a baby. So a baby's a vulnerable place. When a baby starts to walk and they take their first step, we say they are a walker! Look at them, they're walking now! But they have like, you know, hundreds of fallen steps before that first step. We're not saying to them oh, you had hundreds of falls, you fell a hundred times. You know? We point out that they took a step, they are a walker. And that's what we need to do when we have people in our life who are struggling; that they are a leader, they're going to change the world, they're going to bring freedom to other people because of the struggles that they have. So we focus on what is it that God sees in them. They're a walker, they're not falling, they're a walker. And so yes, that baby was- very clearly the facts are that baby had fallen hundreds of times but we're not pointing that out to the baby and saying you fell so many times, you, you just kept falling on your face, no, we're pointing out to that baby, they are a walker.

Dr. Ray: Amen. And so it really is, it really, it’s the truth.

Heidi: It is the truth.

Dr. Ray: It’s the truth coming from the heart. And you could say well, the truth is he, he fell 15 times. You know? He's been falling for six months now.

Heidi: Right

Dr. Ray: But there's a truth of God.

Hedi: There is.

Dr. Ray: That he's walking.

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: You know, he's walking.

Heidi: Yeah.

Dr. Ray: Um, I know when people fail and mess up, especially if you're dealing with uh, somebody with an addiction, it's so easy to point out you were out, you were, you didn't come home ‘till two o'clock in the morning. You know? You were drunk, you know? You were, you, you didn't tell the truth, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Heidi: Yeah, right?

Dr. Ray: But there's a truth of God what I call the real person inside of it all.

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: Because to me what I see like, especially with an addict, is that's not who they are.

Heidi: No.

Dr. Ray: Well it's a disease that's, it's, it's changing who- trying to change their personality- well it does change your personality.

Heidi: Right.

Dr. Ray: But even in the most difficult situations you can see them through the eyes of God; if I hear you right.

Heidi: Yeah.

Dr. Ray: And then speak from your heart boldly.

Heidi: Right. Because then the Holy Spirit will lead them to say you know what, I need help. I need treatment or I'm, I'm really struggling instead of us pointing out you're doing all these things and you need help and you need this and again, I don't want to- I'm not ignoring issues but it is empowering to be able to speak what God says and let the Holy Spirit lead people to a place of real transformation. Not other people forcing them to do it. 

Dr. Ray: So, when you're speaking to that person, be a brave encourager. Speak through the eyes of God who, who they really are but also wouldn’t this apply when you're talking to friends about this person? When you're talking…any time we're speaking about this person? 

Heidi: And that's where, then that's where the authenticity and the genuine in the, you know, where you're being genuine. Because if you just start doing it, you know, to the person but then on the other side you're barking out and gossiping you know, to your friends, that's, that's the, that's, that, that's coming from your heart. Um, and so out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And so if your heart is, your mouth is speaking out to other people shrapnel still, there, there isn't that genuine change and so the encouragement is probably not gonna be as effective.

Dr. Ray: So the brave encourager, despite what you're seeing in the natural- okay they lied, they drank, they did this, they did that, they weren't- whatever they were doing, you can say well, that, that's the facts but there's another truth which is the truth of God, which we need to get into our spirit, correct?

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: Do you do that through- how do you do that, I mean, how do you get that, you know, from okay, I'm speaking it to it's coming from my heart and I really believe it? How do you get there? 

Heidi: How does the person get to where it's genuine? 

Dr. Ray: Yes, yes.

Heidi: Well, you have to do your own work and you have to be able to identify walls that you have up, what are you holding- you know, are you close to God? Are you in this, you know, Psalms 91 talks about being in the secret place. You've got to spend that time with the Lord. You know John 15 talks about taking away the dead branches that you're like God, I'm all in, I give you my life; and you lay yourself down, you lay yourself down at the feet of Jesus and just say I give you my life, take away everything in me that's not of you so I can be like you and I can be that brave encourager. Help me to speak life to the people in, in my life. And so what he does is then he'll reveal to you the things that need to shift. You know, oh, I'm mad at that person, I need to forgive. Um, I've got some trauma from when I was 10 that I'm struggling with my dad. I need to process that. So I got to go to somebody to get prayer, go to a counselor, or I need to journal about it, like, we don't, don't keep things in. We got to get things out and give them to the Lord so that we're genuine and we're authentic and we're not like, housing in this like, you know, tight box of trying to shut everything in. It's like no, we're an open door, we're an open, you know, genuine, authentic person where everything is all out there and the Lord is doing work on us; and so he, we allow the Lord to do surgery on our heart, on our mind, and our soul and we get our soul healed. You know, because we're, we're a three-part, body, soul and a spirit and our spirit is saved but our soul is what, what needs some work and so we've got to be an open, you know, open vessel for the Lord to do work on us; and that allows us to get to be that brave encourager.

Dr. Ray: So, that's incredible. So, is the Lord- in order to be the brave encourager, it takes a personal transformation. What you're saying, what I hear you saying is it's a complete surrender to God. God, take this from me. And then when God does this work in us, to be a brave encourager becomes more natural, who we actually are.

Heidi: It just, it is… so like, someone, you know, you might have, you know, someone else that works in construction, they might, they're gonna encourage differently than me, you know? I'm a lot more bubbly and I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be you know, peppy and all energetic when I give encouraging words but someone else might be, you know, a little bit more gruff and quiet about it; but they're still encouraging. It's still encouragement; it's still speaking life. And so, you're just being yourself and it just comes naturally from who you are.

Dr. Ray: And that's because God's done a work within you.

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: See I think that's so cool because I think there could be uh, this first listen to you, I think okay, that's something I need to do. I need to be more encouraging, I need to speak more positive, which we've heard for years but nobody's ever said oh, you need to deal with your stuff and surrender to God, let him transform you so when you speak positive words, it's actually coming from your heart.

Heidi: Yeah.

Dr. Ray: And it's not, you're just not doing what you're supposed to do, quote.

Heidi: Yes. Yeah, that's exactly right. And I even talk about that in the book, what encouragement is not. Like, encouragement is not positive thinking which a lot of people will actually think that it is; it's very different.

Dr. Ray: Mhm. Wow, that is so good. And so the book is called The Brave Encourager, right?

Heidi: Yes, yes.

Dr. Ray: Is it on Amazon?

Heidi: It is, yep, it's on Amazon and I do also have a website um, heidimortensonlmft.com, um, and I can share that link with you as well but it's um, this is what the book looks like, this is my author copy um, but this is what the book look, looks like.

Dr. Ray: Okay, so the brave, The Brave Encourager, Heidi Mortensen. Tell you what I'll do, I will put the, the link in the show description, okay? I'll have that there so it'll be right there, we'll get that, get that together. Any final thoughts or anything, Heidi, and maybe I'll have you share your final thoughts and maybe pray for us, okay?

Heidi: Yeah. Well, I think some final thoughts would be that, you know, some people might be wondering why did you write a book on encouragement if you're a therapist? Well, because this is what I've seen in my mental health practice. I see so many people struggling; they come in with depression, with anxiety, with ptsd or dissociative struggles, with trauma, and I watch them come and regurgitate all the problems over and over again and the people in their life saying this is what they, they think about me and this is what they're struggling with. And so people are doing their best, actually. That, that is their best. They're trying to actually get better but then they're speaking it out with what they actually see in the facts and so I just say that we don't really know how to accurately encourage and so it really came from the work that I have done and what I've seen in my practice that, we don't know how to encourage and I think we think we are encouraging. So that's really where the, where it came from is just watching so many people struggle with mental health issues and especially right now, we really, really need encouragement. We need encouragement and we need to be able to encourage other people.

Dr. Ray: Yeah. I know many times I have prayed and said Lord, help me to see this person through your eyes. Um, it's a complete different view...

Heidi: It is.

Dr. Ray: That’s for sure.

Heidi: Yes. We become lighter. We, you know it's, we are the light of the world and if we're struggling with what people are doing wrong and what we can't stand about them, that hurts us. They don't- it doesn't bug them. It's- we're the one that's- are in pain, and then our children our spouses, uh, the people we work with, so we're the one that actually hurts and then all the people in our life, because, we're frustrated with somebody that you know, who knows what it is that they're struggling with. Like people have- everybody's doing the best they can with what they have and until we're able to release these things to God, we're just going to keep, be these tight, tight wound, you know, upset, angry, depressed people and we're not going to get anywhere.

Dr. Ray: Wow. So the transformation starts with us.

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: Then the encouragement becomes real.

Heidi: Yes.

Dr. Ray: Amen. That's wonderful. Again, it's called The Brave Encourager by Heidi Mortensen.

Heidi: Yeah.

Dr. Ray: So, I'm going to turn it over to you to close us with prayer and, amen.

Heidi: Sounds good. Well, Holy Spirit, we just thank you for your presence in this show. We thank you for Dr. Ray Self and his listeners and right now, I just lift each one of the listeners up and I pray for each one of them to be released from any depression, anxiety, ptsd, addiction, all mental health struggles, I just bind them up right now. Any stress from work, marriage issues, we bind them up. And I say to all issues, I say you have no place in these listeners, they are property of Jesus Christ and I am speaking to those issues and I say get out. And Holy Spirit come. Fill the listeners with your peace, with your presence. I pray for the grace for each one of the listeners to see the people in their life the way that you do. That each one of these listeners has a purpose and identity and a calling that you have for them. And I pull from heaven right now into the listeners and I speak over them and I say that you are amazing, you are a daughter, you are a son, you are a good friend, you are a good parent and God has plans for you. And I pray for you to be able to speak life to the people around you, and to yourself; that you are a brave encourager. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for the opportunity to be in the show and I just pray blessings on Dr. Ray and all of his listeners. In the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.

Dr. Ray: Amen. Thank you for listening. This has been Self Talk with Dr. Ray Self and Heidi Mortensen. Amen.

Heidi: Thank you.

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