The Keys to Charisma

WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:05.519 Hey snacks, welcome to season two of snacks eyes, the podcast that will 2 00:00:05.519 --> 00:00:10.269 drag you into your most fabulous life. I'm your host, Rabba Lushes, 3 00:00:10.470 --> 00:00:14.390 also known as the snack of the twin cities, a drag queen that twirled 4 00:00:14.429 --> 00:00:18.710 her way into podcasting, and the rest is a dream come true, and 5 00:00:18.949 --> 00:00:25.420 that's exactly what this podcast is about, making your dreams happen for you fabulously. 6 00:00:25.899 --> 00:00:29.899 This season we are continuing our journey in finding out what makes a happy 7 00:00:30.019 --> 00:00:34.340 and fulfilled life, going places we've never been before. Don't forget that, 8 00:00:34.500 --> 00:00:38.689 when it comes to your potential, the sky is the limit and it's never 9 00:00:38.729 --> 00:00:42.369 a bad time to beat you are. Get you a snack, because your 10 00:00:42.450 --> 00:00:57.000 fabulous life starts now. Hey snacks, welcome back to snack size. For 11 00:00:57.200 --> 00:01:00.000 today's topic, I want to talk about what I call the magical key to 12 00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:04.109 success. Without this tool, I don't know where I'd be, as it 13 00:01:04.189 --> 00:01:10.909 has helped me advance in my career and my personal relationships as well. I 14 00:01:11.109 --> 00:01:14.909 call it a tool because, despite the fact that some people think you are 15 00:01:14.989 --> 00:01:19.900 born with or without it, it's actually something that everyone has, just not 16 00:01:19.099 --> 00:01:23.099 everyone may know how to use it. I'm going to give you a list 17 00:01:23.140 --> 00:01:27.019 of famous people and I want you to think about what they have in common. 18 00:01:29.019 --> 00:01:34.049 Actor Russell Brand, President Bill Clinton, CEO of Apple, Tim Cook, 19 00:01:34.730 --> 00:01:40.969 Designer Rob Moreen and singer beyonce. Now, the obvious answer is that 20 00:01:41.170 --> 00:01:45.769 they are all rich, talented and successful. But there is one other thing 21 00:01:46.010 --> 00:01:49.120 of all these people, and most people who are successful as they are, 22 00:01:49.519 --> 00:01:55.200 have in common, and that is charisma. All of the names I mentioned 23 00:01:55.239 --> 00:01:59.760 are some of the most charismatic people in the world. It doesn't matter what 24 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:04.269 your goals are, charisma is an important part of your journey to success. 25 00:02:05.109 --> 00:02:09.150 While there are people who have been successful but don't have any charisma, it 26 00:02:09.349 --> 00:02:14.509 is a common trait by some of the most successful people this world has ever 27 00:02:14.669 --> 00:02:19.900 seen. Charisma doesn't fit into a box. It's not about economic status, 28 00:02:20.379 --> 00:02:25.699 style, professional title or even your personality. It's actually a social skill that 29 00:02:25.939 --> 00:02:30.569 is learned. And who better to teach you about charisma than a drag queen? 30 00:02:30.610 --> 00:02:35.409 Drag Queens been a lot of time on their look, but the truth 31 00:02:35.490 --> 00:02:39.610 is you have to have charisma to sell your brand. It's the unapologetic display 32 00:02:39.650 --> 00:02:45.919 of talent, creativity and charisma that really draws people in. Did you know 33 00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:50.960 that charisma has a great effect on how people perceive you. If you're charismatic, 34 00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:54.039 studies have shown that you may be perceived differently than you actually are. 35 00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:00.150 For example, charismatic people are perceived to be taller, more attractive, smarter 36 00:03:00.550 --> 00:03:06.789 and richer than they actually might be. It is all about drawing people into 37 00:03:06.830 --> 00:03:10.349 you, and today I want to tell you that you can draw people into 38 00:03:10.430 --> 00:03:15.460 your goals and dreams by unlocking your charisma. Before we get into how to 39 00:03:15.580 --> 00:03:21.580 unlock your charisma, let's talk a bit about what charisma is and why everyone 40 00:03:21.620 --> 00:03:25.780 has it. According to Olivia Fox Cobaine, author of book the Charisma Myth, 41 00:03:27.139 --> 00:03:31.490 there are three components to charisma. First is presence. Presence is the 42 00:03:31.569 --> 00:03:37.530 ability to stay in the moment. Life in the world are so full of 43 00:03:37.729 --> 00:03:43.280 distractions, but charismatic people are able to engage in whatever they are doing or 44 00:03:43.400 --> 00:03:47.039 whoever they are talking to and be in the moment. They aren't thinking about 45 00:03:47.159 --> 00:03:52.120 their long to do last or what is going to happen at work or home. 46 00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:54.710 They are just focused on the person or thing in front of them. 47 00:03:55.990 --> 00:04:02.590 Second is confidence. Charismatic people always project self confidence, even when they may 48 00:04:02.669 --> 00:04:09.349 be unsure. There is a saying that perception is reality, so people who 49 00:04:09.389 --> 00:04:14.180 project self confidence will find that people just assume that they have something to be 50 00:04:14.340 --> 00:04:18.300 confident about. This ties into what I've talked about when it comes to believing 51 00:04:18.339 --> 00:04:23.699 in yourself. If you don't believe in you, your dreams and that you 52 00:04:23.819 --> 00:04:29.329 can live a happy and fulfilled life, then others won't either. Projecting self 53 00:04:29.410 --> 00:04:32.769 confidence is key, and even if you may be unsure about something, you 54 00:04:32.889 --> 00:04:36.810 can always be confident in the fact that, with perseverance, it will work 55 00:04:36.850 --> 00:04:43.759 out. The third and final component is warmth. People like people who mean 56 00:04:43.879 --> 00:04:48.439 well and don't come off fake. Being a warm and kind person is really 57 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:53.910 hard to fake. However, if you let good thoughts be your sword and 58 00:04:54.149 --> 00:04:58.110 shield, you will say in a mindset that is warm and that will come 59 00:04:58.149 --> 00:05:01.509 out in your interactions with others. Side Note, if you want to know 60 00:05:01.670 --> 00:05:05.269 how to make good thoughts your sword and shield, check out episode two of 61 00:05:05.550 --> 00:05:11.180 Season One, and I explain it all and more so. I mentioned that 62 00:05:11.660 --> 00:05:15.699 many people think charisma is something that you either have or you don't, but 63 00:05:15.939 --> 00:05:21.129 the truth is charisma is either something you learned or you didn't. You learn 64 00:05:21.170 --> 00:05:26.529 charisma from a very young age, just like learning to walk or talk. 65 00:05:27.329 --> 00:05:31.250 If you struggle with being charismatic, chances are the people you were around during 66 00:05:31.290 --> 00:05:36.600 your formative years we're not charismatic as well. However, it's not until you 67 00:05:36.680 --> 00:05:42.240 are much older that you start to recognize the charisma and others, and, 68 00:05:42.439 --> 00:05:46.160 because so much time is past, we think that it's something people are just 69 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:50.069 born with or without. Just because you didn't pick up on charisma as a 70 00:05:50.149 --> 00:05:55.790 child doesn't mean you can't now. It is a social skill that can be 71 00:05:55.870 --> 00:06:00.910 learned at any age. Think of it like cooking. Some people are much 72 00:06:00.949 --> 00:06:03.819 better than others, but everybody kind of knows how to do it. They 73 00:06:03.860 --> 00:06:09.579 at least know how to make a delicious snack. Charisma is the same way. 74 00:06:10.180 --> 00:06:14.860 Even just a little bit of charisma goes a long way. There are 75 00:06:14.899 --> 00:06:18.889 a few ways I have found effective to make yourself seem more charismatic. To 76 00:06:19.009 --> 00:06:24.610 be perfectly honest, I have always had a lot of charisma and it comes 77 00:06:24.649 --> 00:06:28.850 so naturally to me I don't think about it. So making a list of 78 00:06:28.930 --> 00:06:32.399 what I feel make someone charismatic was a challenge, but I think I've nailed 79 00:06:32.439 --> 00:06:38.319 down a few key things you can do to unlock your charisma. First, 80 00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:42.639 is to listen, as I talked about with my friend Taylor in the first 81 00:06:42.720 --> 00:06:46.959 episode of this season. We've lived in a world where people just talk at 82 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:50.470 each other. It's really difficult to find a good listener in the fast paced 83 00:06:50.550 --> 00:06:57.189 world we live in, but charismatic people listen with intent and value the thoughts 84 00:06:57.230 --> 00:07:00.779 of other people. So many people think that being charismatic is about what you 85 00:07:00.819 --> 00:07:05.819 do or say, and sometimes it is, but that isn't all of it. 86 00:07:06.660 --> 00:07:11.699 People need to feel you are listening and relating to them. This actually 87 00:07:11.819 --> 00:07:16.050 brings me to my second key to charisma, which is be relatable. Charismatic 88 00:07:16.129 --> 00:07:21.050 people find a common ground with others. A great example is this podcast. 89 00:07:21.569 --> 00:07:25.850 Chances are, if you're listening to this, you are not a drag queen. 90 00:07:26.050 --> 00:07:29.209 You you may have never done drag or maybe didn't even know what drag 91 00:07:29.449 --> 00:07:32.480 was. However, what we can relate on is that we have goals and 92 00:07:32.600 --> 00:07:38.279 dreams and that we want to achieve them. My dreams are different than yours, 93 00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:42.480 and that's a great thing. It doesn't mean we can't relate on how 94 00:07:42.519 --> 00:07:48.149 to achieve them. Making Your interactions and conversations with others relatable so that they 95 00:07:48.189 --> 00:07:55.430 can connect with you is key to having charisma, speaking of goals and dreams. 96 00:07:55.829 --> 00:08:00.420 My next key to charisma is to share what you are passionate about. 97 00:08:01.019 --> 00:08:03.779 When you talk about what you are passionate about, the things that make you 98 00:08:03.939 --> 00:08:07.819 excited to wake up or even the things that keep you up late at night, 99 00:08:09.379 --> 00:08:15.129 your energy will come through. People gravitate towards that type of energy and 100 00:08:15.370 --> 00:08:20.329 people will pay attention to what you say or do. My next key is 101 00:08:20.449 --> 00:08:24.689 to remember and use people's names. If you take nothing else away from this 102 00:08:24.850 --> 00:08:30.680 episode, then let it be this point. Remembering and using people's names is 103 00:08:30.920 --> 00:08:35.879 a simple but effective way for people to feel connected with you in life. 104 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:39.360 When we hear Our Name, our natural response is to pay attention. As 105 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:43.429 a general rule, I try to use someone's name at the beginning and end 106 00:08:43.549 --> 00:08:48.509 of a conversation. This can be as simple as greeting a person by name 107 00:08:48.669 --> 00:08:52.549 and then using their name when you say goodbye. If you can work their 108 00:08:52.549 --> 00:08:56.220 name naturally into the conversation a few more times, that is even better, 109 00:08:56.620 --> 00:09:01.379 and the best thing is if you remember their name next time you see them. 110 00:09:01.419 --> 00:09:05.779 Another key to unlock your charisma is to have a sense of humor. 111 00:09:05.820 --> 00:09:11.690 Charismatic people always have a reason to smile, even when in tough situations. 112 00:09:11.730 --> 00:09:16.570 Any situation could always use at least a little humor, so if you have 113 00:09:16.730 --> 00:09:20.610 the confidence to make people around you laugh, it helps build a connection with 114 00:09:20.730 --> 00:09:24.279 them and people will enjoy being around you. A little humor can have a 115 00:09:24.440 --> 00:09:30.879 really positive impact on your relationships, both personal and professional, on your way 116 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:35.440 to a happy and fulfilled life. My last key to unlocking your charisma is 117 00:09:35.639 --> 00:09:41.309 body language. Words are important, but it is often the nonverbal expressions that 118 00:09:41.509 --> 00:09:48.070 really shape are interactions or connections. Voice, tone, facial expression, gestures 119 00:09:48.269 --> 00:09:54.500 and posture are a few big things people notice about you. Focus on having 120 00:09:54.539 --> 00:09:58.899 a confident tone and open and friendly expressions and gestures when you interact with others. 121 00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:03.379 An easy way to do this is to fully face others when speaking with 122 00:10:03.500 --> 00:10:07.090 them. Make sure your body is angled towards who you are talking to, 123 00:10:07.570 --> 00:10:13.129 and this will signal that you are invested in the conversation at hand. Nonverbal 124 00:10:13.169 --> 00:10:18.690 communication really is a second language and, while you may not know what to 125 00:10:18.769 --> 00:10:22.879 say, make sure you look like you are invested in what you are talking 126 00:10:22.919 --> 00:10:28.000 about. True core asthma comes from within, and I hope the keys I've 127 00:10:28.039 --> 00:10:33.360 talked about in this episode will unlock charisma in you. Author and Life Coach 128 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:39.350 Martha Beck says people see Charisma as charm or the ability to manipulate. It's 129 00:10:39.389 --> 00:10:43.590 actually the opposite. I see it as completely being in your truth. I 130 00:10:43.789 --> 00:10:48.669 agree with Martha. The golden rule to having charisma is never ever fake it. 131 00:10:50.259 --> 00:10:54.419 However, working on the things we've actually talked about in other episodes, 132 00:10:54.700 --> 00:10:58.700 like finding your passion and being who you are, will ultimately change you into 133 00:10:58.779 --> 00:11:03.450 a charismatic person. So if you're doing that, you'll never have to fake 134 00:11:03.529 --> 00:11:09.250 it. You will then notice yourself connecting with others and the world in ways 135 00:11:09.289 --> 00:11:13.129 you never have before, and then you will know you have unlocked the power 136 00:11:13.370 --> 00:11:18.399 of your charisma. Until next time, go be fabulously charismatic. See you 137 00:11:18.440 --> 00:11:22.720 later. Snack. Hey Snack, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Snack 138 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:28.080 size podcast is sponsored by twin cities gay scene, the online magazine for events 139 00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:33.750 and culture happening in the twin cities area. Check out my biweekly editorial snack 140 00:11:33.830 --> 00:11:41.309 scene, at www dot twin cities gay scenecom and for more fun with this 141 00:11:41.470 --> 00:11:46.820 podcast, head on over to www dot snack size podcastcom to leave a review 142 00:11:48.019 --> 00:11:52.820 and follow me on my social media. Until next time, go be fabulous. 143 -->