Harnessing Resilience: A Black Solo Mom's Story w/Queen Candice

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 0:00

You know, raising children alone is not for the faint of heart. Yet solo moms worldwide do it every day. And not only do we have to raise children multiple children solo, but we sometimes have to deal with major life challenges such as domestic abuse and financial hardship and major criticism. From the peanut gallery. Today's guest, queen Candice, candidly shares with us her life, her struggles, her journey as a solo mom, and she demonstrates how Black women show resilience in their lives, in living their lives and bouncing back from the trauma that they experience, especially as moms raising children alone. Maybe you can relate. My guest today is Queen Candice, a spoken word artist, model and CEO of Military Camp Records. Welcome, queen.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 1:34

Thank you for having me, of course. Now, before we jump into our interview, could you tell us who is Queen Candice?

Queen Candice: 1:46

Oh, queen Candice, we'll give you a short version, like we said, a spoken word. Artist, co-ceo of Military Camp Records, producer, writer, dealer, modeling, small acting roles, wife, mother, work during the day, just ordinary person. Just, you know, trying to connect with people. You know, like yourself, and we love what we do. Host of the Queen Candid podcast and the Queen Candid radio show as well, and I also do a show with my husband called Real Talk and Real Topics. So, as y'all can probably tell, we have a whole lot of going on right now. So, yeah, we're pretty busy. Okay, just a normal, average, quiet person. Stay to myself, you know, just do whatever we can and live life, and you know we happy. So, yeah.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 2:46

Well, that's what matters, right. Oh yeah, yeah, that's what matters, All right. So what inspired you to start spoken words? Let's start there.

Queen Candice: 2:58

It's crazy. I actually started out doing like a diary. You know, everybody had a journey and stuff when they were teenagers and whatnot. I actually it was from like 16 up until I was in my 20s I was doing that and I was like, hey, this is pretty much the same thing as writing poetry. So I don't know, you know, just do that. So I started kind of taking you know everything I was going through emotions and you know struggles and just like putting in the poetry because we all know it rhymes. Well, it doesn't have to rhyme. I take that back, it doesn't have to rhyme, but whether or not it does, I've heard people do poetry. It's still nice, whether it rhymes or not. But I just say that's what I did.

Queen Candice: 3:40

I took that in, take all that and put it into your poetry and I started writing it first. And then somebody was like, well, why don't you start doing the open mic? And I'm like I don't know, I don't, I'm shy, I don't quiet, I'm just about to do the open mic. So it was just always love poetry. I love my Angel, I love Langston Hughes, al Kabadou, jill Scott. So those are some of the people I always put some to and looked up to growing up, so it was just something I kind of fell into.

Queen Candice: 4:11

It wasn't planned, but you know I love it. I love it. It's such an expression, especially when I'm going through and I know y'all know it's going through so much and I can't talk to anybody. It's kind of like a free space, or open space, if you will, where I can express myself and not be judged and people they love it. I've done shows in Florida, atlanta, orlando, tampa. Miami's been my favorite and people just feel that I have music on different platforms right now as well. So it's just something I kind of fell into. So it wasn't planned. Yeah, yeah, so yeah.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 4:55

It happens and people make fun some people about journaling, and I think journaling is the space where your creativity comes out and yeah, and you're a perfect example of that.

Queen Candice: 5:13

Yeah, yeah, that's how it happens, yeah.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 5:17

Definitely OK, all right. So how do you use your platform to inspire Black women?

Queen Candice: 5:27

I use what. I'll explain it this way Make the long story short. I've been through child abuse. I've been through the foster care system. Unfortunately, I hate to say. I've been through domestic violence. I'm like a five-time survivor of domestic violence, been homeless with my kids, just faced a whole lot of struggles. And eye casting is also something I don't have to fall into. It's crazy.

Queen Candice: 5:51

I never paid any of this y'all Just to let y'all know. But I was actually on another platform with someone else doing their show and I didn't like the way it was going, the direction it was going in. So I just kind of jumped on Google, I think Google Apps, and I just looked up different podcasting apps that I could get on and Anchor was the first one I came across. So I kind of played around with it for a minute. I did a show here and there and eventually I was like you got to get serious with this, you need to do it, people need to hear your story and everything I've gone through. I just use it now to hopefully spread positivity and motivation and just let everybody know you're looking at living proof of struggle and purpose after pain. Hope I said that correctly, but it's just.

Queen Candice: 6:48

I do the Queen Candy podcast every Sunday and I do my radio show every Tuesday evening. But I really love my podcast because I spread positive, try to spread positivity and motivation, share my healing journey and just let everybody know you can do it. Don't let anybody tell you what you can or cannot do. And it's my show is small, so I will say that, but I just hope to help somebody in any way, shape or form. Like this month I'm doing a domestic violence awareness month, so I'm focusing on that topic this month and just to hopefully help somebody and encourage them. And in case they're feeling down or they feel alone or feel like I'm a failure Because I know what it's like to feel like you, a loser, like you, the black sheep I've been through all that and I'm lets to wish y'all a good. I can only say I just hope to help someone, no matter how small. I don't know. I just I love doing it. We in our fourth season, now about to close out in November, so it's been very good for me.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 7:59

I love it. Yeah, that's good, thank you. Thank you for sharing and, you know, if your podcast is only small, if you're serving less than one person, that's my belief, that's true. Because really millions don't matter if you're not serving one right.

Queen Candice: 8:16

Yeah, and you know, I always thought it was so crazy. People focus on numbers and you know how many people are following you. I just never really cared about that. You know, if I can help one person, that's, that's cool. I know the money will come. I don't really worry about that per se, but like, if I can just help one person, I'm good.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 8:39

Yes, absolutely All right. Thank you, um, I need to know this is. This show is called solo mom's talk and I started it to serve moms who are raising children so long, and I heard you mentioned something about being homeless and domestic abuse, which you I'd like to get into a little bit later, okay, but I also and I know you're married now but I also like you to give us something, give us a view into that time when you were alone with your children and just struggling, and how did you escape that?

Queen Candice: 9:20

Oh man, Um, when I was going through all the struggles, I had a few people that were there, but majority of people they just turned it back and I had my days where I cried, where I felt like a failure, especially letting my kids down, but they were like my biggest cheerleaders. They were like, mom, we're going to be all right, we're good. So they played a big role because I wanted to give up.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn): 9:48

I did.

Queen Candice: 9:49

It's like why am I here? What is my purpose? That's like I can't get it right. And the people that I thought I could be cool with and trust. I went to them and it was a whole disaster, you know, and just a day to day, that's one thing I can really say, like myself, my kids was such a big help and I cried. We slept in a car together, they were with me in the shelter and I don't know. I just had this vision and it's thought in my head like this is not permanent, it's not gonna be forever. You may not like it right now, but this is gonna be for a purpose. It's.

Queen Candice::
10:31

Yeah and you know, looking back on that, you know I realized that now. So it was just a whole lot pulling myself up and you know, just Keep focus and just stay strong, because I had four kids watching so I didn't have time. Yeah, I feel sorry for myself, or anything like that. And even on the rough days, no, I still Just kept going. I didn't really do anything special.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
11:01

Yeah.

Queen Candice::
11:01

I Guess I was looking at the long roll that the end result you know, Cuz if you quit, you're never gonna know. Right you know what? What can happen?

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
11:14

Yeah, one foot in front of the other, oh yeah, yeah, sometimes that's all you can do and it is amazing that the same kids were worrying about that. You know, we, we don't have this strength, we don't have what it takes. We, we embarrassed by them because you know, look what we found ourselves because of me, and they're the ones who are going. You know, I'll give you an example. So I am a solar mom and my son, I keep talking about to my adult sons. Now, you know, we had you guys only had hot dog and Kool-Aid, and sometime I didn't even have enough, and they're going. We don't remember that, mom. They remember all the good things, right, and I'm looking at them because I'm worried, I'm thinking I didn't do a good job, and they're like what are you talking about? You know, one day my adult son called me from Texas and said mom, I am so grateful I had to call you and let you know, I'm so grateful for you because I have a praying mom and that's why I believe I'm successful.

Queen Candice::
12:21

Oh yeah, oh yeah.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
12:22

So also the moms yeah it helps and yes.

Queen Candice::
12:28

I asked you a problem to my daughter a couple months ago and she was like mom, I miss you travel, because I used to travel to do shows and stuff and they would come with me sometime. Yeah and they never say anything negative, never. So I can definitely. Yeah, and we focus on that so much as mom. Yeah, like I felt I didn't do nothing, I didn't do this, I couldn't do that, but there's no Hamburg, yeah, you know, that's for the best you can yes. Yes.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
12:59

And you never know what experience is going to build up one of your children up. You know, you don't know, you know you just do the best right.

Queen Candice::
13:09

That's it.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
13:10

Yeah.

Queen Candice::
13:11

Do what the cars you've been delving. You know bang. We, like you, can even oh Job, you know and deal with it. We just don't run from it.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
13:21

Yes, yes.

Queen Candice::
13:24

Oh, it's beautiful now. So, yeah, I'm a cork fetish with my oldest daughter. She's in South Carolina, she's 19, but so she's having a first baby, so we still talking. I talked to my other kids, so I don't think they forget. They know you go for it. Yeah, yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
13:48

Yeah, it is awesome. All right, so I'm going to ask you another black woman related question. I don't think I focus on black women enough here, even though I'm a black woman, but it is what it is. I'm gonna ask you what are the challenges you face as a black woman in the entertainment industry, because you're in different areas of Media. So tell us.

Queen Candice::
14:15

I'm gonna just be straightforward. I think the biggest challenge for me is my religious belief right now, because I am a Muslim woman I don't know if you saw my name on LinkedIn, but I don't follow any other religion and I think that's I don't want to say been a hindrance, but a lot of people don't want to work with me because of that.

Queen Candice::
14:36

I guess, different path or different platform than they are. But, um, I think that's the biggest hindrance. Okay, you know, I don't know if people pay attention to any of my platforms, anything, but I promote like crazy, like every day I try to connect with people. But I think that's the biggest hindrance is because I'm Muslim.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
14:59

Okay, but not this. But not necessarily because you're a black woman.

Queen Candice::
15:04

No, okay, okay.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
15:06

Okay.

Queen Candice::
15:07

Okay, but I still keep going. Yes, there's been one of my biggest support. He does walk the door. He's saying a smile yeah, support like Keep moving. Yeah, even when I don't want to hear, he keep it real with me. Yeah.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
15:27

Yeah, okay, all right. So one of the biggest things that I talk about on this podcast is self-care and taking care of ourselves, and as mothers, our role is like multifaceted to begin with, but when we, when we add career to Motherhood, it becomes a whole new ballgame. So how do you balance your career, motherhood oh, oh man, I'm glad you asked that, cuz.

Queen Candice::
15:57

Okay, when I lived in Florida at the balance everything because I was working the full-time job, doing shows, traveling my kids, father, they did help out a little bit. The people I was Was dating at that time. They helped out so I could do what I need to do. And then I come up with all these challenges, though, because I came back to bite me in the behind anyway. Uh, schedule schedule that was the biggest thing.

Queen Candice::
16:26

And, like I said, now my oldest daughter she's in South Carolina and my other three kids aren't for them my youngest daughter with a father's and my youngest I'm not my oldest son, my bad is with my mother. So I just keep in touch with them. Now. Couple times out the rematch or they'll care. If they need any money, I send the money, you know. So on and so forth. Mm-hmm. Florida, yeah, I had to balance that out. It was hard to keep jobs. It was so hard because, like I'll have to get them to school at a certain time, I couldn't drop them off early and they get off work and go pick them up without a car.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
17:02

No, right yeah, in your in Florida and Georgia, oh my god yeah.

Queen Candice::
17:08

Yeah, it's it. Yeah, it was. They were in daycare, so they will come pick them up, but I was still have to get off and go get them.

Queen Candice::
17:16

I said yeah, pick having the school. Yeah, I'll a couple jobs because of that, because it's scheduling and no man, it was hard. So the only thing I'm like, okay, you gotta do a schedule, got a work. Doing this time to this time, get your kids. The only time I was scheduling these shows would be on the weekends because I knew I was off and I won't have to have a hard time find somebody to watch them, like I was just saying a minute ago, if I didn't, they came with me and I had a hotel and everything. So they were all good, they wanted you know no danger, anything. But I just say to anybody and I Think people think that once you become a mom, that's all you're ever supposed to be right.

Queen Candice::
18:06

No, you can do other things just Like. You just asked how you do your scheduling and all that. You just got a schedule and if you can't do it, I've had a cancer shows because I couldn't go. You know one end of the world.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
18:19

Yes.

Queen Candice::
18:20

Yeah, you know. So it's Just scheduling and prioritizing. Make sure you're there for your kids, you know but, that's not all you have to be as a mother. You can be more than that.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
18:31

Yeah, definitely it's true. Yeah, you do what you can, how you can, and that's the best you can.

Queen Candice::
18:44

Yeah, it's like and I've had people try to stop me from doing so much and it's like I, even when I had my kids, even before I came up in Chicago, like I was just like what can I not affect this? Can't be it. There's got to be some big either. I can do that. Hopefully somebody, and you know, get my kids a better life. So I was always looking and searching and you know, here we are.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
19:11

All right, okay, here you are. Amen, okay, all right, thank you. So what is Queen Candy grateful for today?

Queen Candice::
19:20

Oh man, oh Hell. Peace, happiness, husband. But you know Islam, because it did help save my life. The honor by Elijah Muhammad master from home to me, praise, forever being in a better spot. You know just how can I put this?

Queen Candice::
19:44

After feeling trapped and like people had they put on my neck for so many years, it's bigger than me. It's finally feeling free in a piece. Well, I can just do what I love to do. You know, I don't have to worry about nobody judging me and they still do but now I'm in a better spot. Well, I don't have to allow that to affect my health. You know, just, don't be off my path, you know. Yeah, just happiness and Doing what I love to do.

Queen Candice::
20:16

Like I said, it's not about the money for me, I just grateful I get to do what I love to do, be around people that have my back and they genuinely love me and my kids still support. I told my daughter I had a magnanimous smile Mom, I'm so proud of you, and I almost started crying. I don't hear that often I've been criticized, exercised and judged, and that's a whole other story. But just being free, especially mentally, you know, so it's just freedom and inner peace, that's something I think I'm always be working on. It's never gonna stop and I'm cool with that. I'm cool.

Queen Candice::
20:58

It's gonna be a process, especially after all I've been through, you know, still healing and whatnot, but I'm not in that dark place anymore. I mean, I'm not miserable, I'm not not eating because I used to have a bad habit and I'm not doing that stressed out you know, say hey baby, oh hi. But I just did that because he's one of the biggest reasons why you know he don't like taking on playing my husband he don't, but I give it to him anyway Because he was the only one that, like, really took the time to help me find that peace and happiness. So I know I'm probably mambling on and on, but Okay, fine, that's the biggest thing. It's beautiful.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
21:44

All right, thank you. Thank you for sharing and being so open with us. Now, can you give a solo mom One, two, three pieces of advice?

Queen Candice::
21:55

Solo mom. Yes, I your purpose number one. Number two, like I said earlier, don't ever let anybody tell you that all you have to do as a mother. You can do so much more. Just don't get caught up in these lies, it's system and what people think you should be. Be genuinely who you are as long as just make it mean something to you. You know, whatever the case may be.

Queen Candice::
22:28

And the third tip that we would give is keep your kids up high on you, especially if they've been there with you through the beginning, day one. You know, keep them apart. All you know, no matter what happens, and life is going to be hard, yeah, it's going to be hard, but you can have heaven where you are or you can have hell. You know you don't have control over anybody. Think we all learned that by now, we getting older. But you got control over yourself. You matter, especially to my black women. You are beautiful queens. You ain't got to be half naked and nothing like that. Yeah, so you matter, you're worthy, you are important, and anybody that tells you different I used to tell my baby girl they are a lie.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
23:20

Yeah.

Queen Candice::
23:21

They are a lie. You be graceful. You carry yourself like a queen, a true queen, because we thought that was around so loosely it don't make no sense. But help somebody. You see another mom, help them. You know it don't diminish your life, it don't take anything away from you. You know, just be who you are. You ain't got to please the world.

Queen Candice::
23:47

Yeah, you know oh, and the most important thing, it's OK to take a break, moms. It's OK to take a break. The world ain't going to stop moving. That's what we know, this mother, especially when single parent is hard it's hard right here, us and our sister.

Queen Candice::
24:04

We were raised by a single mom, so we know I used to watch her all the time and I was one at one point until I got married now. But it's hard. It's OK to take a little break, especially for your mental health. It's OK take you on a spa day. Sit at home, chill, know a little wine or whatever that's your preference. What else? Go for a walk, enjoy fresh air. You know Self-care. I think you said that man, go self-care, take care of yourself. So there's so many other ways we can describe it. But Take care of yourself, otherwise you won't be any good to anybody.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
24:47

Thank you for sure. Yes, thank you, queen candy, for coming and speaking to us today on solar mom's talk. Now Tell us how we can connect with you.

Queen Candice::
24:57

Okay, you guys, and thank you for having us on once again. You can check out the queen candy podcast on any podcast union platform. Anchor, our heart radio good pies, and we're in the top 25 most listened on good pie. So we got to email a couple days ago. Okay, what else? Spotify, apple, um, any podcast union platform and you can also follow us on any platform. Our Facebook Instagram Are you two page the queen candy podcast. You subscribe to our YouTube page. Facebook link down of course as well. We can. I can. I find us on there and the queen candy podcast as well. We look in to have people on our show to connect with everybody. We offer radio play as well on our radio show, so you guys can hook up with us and connect with us on that.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
25:59

Do you have any?

Queen Candice::
26:00

offers. Yes, we actually offer radio play on our podcast and radio show. If you want to do two weeks, it's $25, and if you want to do a whole month is $50. So we do music, only no profanity. Um, you send it to us, we'll check it out, you know. If it's it's not the goal, will move forward. So that's how we're gonna get our process, and no gospel Just believe so okay.

J. Rosemarie (Jenn)::
26:26

All right, okay, all right, we'll put those links in the show notes and so people can click on it and get to you. So thank you very much. I appreciate you coming and speaking to us today. We really appreciate you. Thank you