Loving Yourself More Than You Love to Eat w/Leslie Davis

Leslie Lindsay Davis [00:00:00] J. Rosemarie: SoloMoms! Talk was designed to curate the stories of solo moms globally. As the facilitator of this platform, I aim to create a peaceful environment where you can share your heart and be loved and get the advice you need. So if this sounds like you, why not RSVP for next virtual meetup? The link is below it's where you can retreat from the chaos of your life.[00:00:25] So you can recharge. Connect with other moms and get answers to your burning questions. Remember, you're not alone and you don't have to parents in silence.[00:00:38] my guest today is Leslie Lindsay Davis author of you can eat love. Did I have that right? [00:00:45] Leslie Davis: You can't eat. Love you.[00:00:47] J. Rosemarie: Can't eat love. Oh, did I butcher that? Thank you for, thank you for coming and talking to me today. Leslie, I appreciate you. [00:00:56] Leslie Davis: Well, thank you so much, Jen. I'm so excited to get to talk to you. And it's about [00:01:00] one of my favorite subjects, moms and kids.[00:01:04] J. Rosemarie: Ah, [00:01:05] yeah, mine too. Okay. All right. So before we talk about Your book and other things in general. let's talk about Leslie. Who's Leslie. [00:01:16] Leslie Davis: Oh my gosh. well Leslie is a mom of three amazing young men and they're all still alive. I will attest to this. They are all still alive. The oldest one turns 38 this year and the youngest one is, 26.[00:01:32] And like I said, they're all still alive. did I make some mistakes along the way? Oh, heavens to Betsy. Yes. I could tell you a lot of stories. I'm also a wife and I run doggy daycare for my dog and my youngest son and his wife, their two dogs. So I have doggy daycare at my house every day. my philosophy in life is, you know, why not?[00:01:53] my goal and objective is to not, to be 80 years old sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch saying [00:02:00] I wish I would have. [00:02:01] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. And why you can't eat love? Why can't I [00:02:07] Leslie Davis: w well, it came from a realization that I thought that I was missing some things inside of myself. And what I came to discover is that food was my drug of choice.[00:02:19] I was using food to numb the pain to hide to, you know, not even face or address the pain just to drown out my emotions. And like I said, I thought that I was missing something. I thought that I didn't have the love of my parents, people outside of my world. And when I came to understand is the only love that I was missing was love for myself.[00:02:42] And what I had was a myself sized hole in my heart that I'd been trying to fill with food. And once I went on the journey to learn to love myself, I came to the understanding you can't eat. Love. [00:02:56] J. Rosemarie: Wow. Well, yeah, I see that now. [00:03:00] Right? Wow. So you, you went on a journey. I see that word a lot in your bio and tell us about that journey as much as you can, and also include the struggles you had during that journey.[00:03:13] Leslie Davis: Well, the journey actually began like so many people, you know, I hit a what not, you know, but like so many other people, I hit a rock bottom or what was, you know, close to a bottom. And I realized that I could go one of two ways. One was either continue in the direction that I was going, which wasn't working out very well, or I could start making some changes.[00:03:35] And I decided that I wanted to be the very best me that I possibly could be. So I wanted to be healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally. And at that time I came to realize that I was carrying about a hundred extra pounds. So part of the physical journey was learning what to eat, how to eat, you know, how much of stuff to eat.[00:03:58] J. Rosemarie: Oh, no. It's [00:04:00] Monday does Monday morning fill you with dread? Feel better about Mondays and empower your mind for the week. Join SoloMoms! Talk along with Helena Smolock for Inspiration and Motivation Plugin, a short time of inspiration. To rejuvenate your mind and get you ready for the week ahead, we will begin with stretching, breath work and activating our mindset.[00:04:27] So join us by clicking the link below. This is part of a webinar, which is now being recognized as a continued education credit for fitness and personal trainers by the Canadian Fitness Education Service. "This is a commitment to your athleticism, fitness, health, nutrition, wellness, and will add years to your life" says Helena.[00:04:51] So join us by clicking the link below now.[00:04:54] Leslie Davis: And you know, just learning that things that I should have learned as a child portion control and, [00:05:00] and just control with food. But the hard part. The hard part was the mental and emotional part of it. And, you know, I know that your, your audience's mothers, and if I could say to, to your audience so many times when we're trying to raise these creatures that do not come with an operating manual, we can lose ourselves.[00:05:28] In so much doubt and negativity that we lose sight of what our objective is, which is to help them become the very best people, adults that they can possibly be. Did I lose myself while I was raising my children? Yes, I did. Cause I, I made it up as I went along. I had no clue what I was doing. And so as a consequence, I came up with some pretty crazy ideas, but all of this spilled, you know, into my, my life, my [00:06:00] beliefs and all that kind of stuff and the self-talk that I had.[00:06:03] And if I can also say to your audience, know this, you're not broken, there's nothing wrong with you. You have everything that you need inside of you and you are enough. [00:06:18] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. Thank you very much for that. Yeah. Self-love has come up quite a bit. We're approaching Valentine's when it can be the best part of our year, or it could be the worst, right?[00:06:33] Depending on what's going on. Up here. [00:06:36] Leslie Davis: Right? Well, and especially you know, if you're talking about moms who are trying to raise children on their own so many times we're pouring out and we're so busy pouring out and I can talk about this in the I think I talked about this in the book. It may be another story, but I realized that I was fitting into the jar.[00:06:57] Because the jar was so empty, I was [00:07:00] spitting into it to the point that I had no spit left to spit into it. And yet I continued to pour out, but I, I found that and I'm sure you're, you know, you can probably resonate with this. I've found that even though I had nothing left to give, I had no clue how to ask.[00:07:18] J. Rosemarie: Hm. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. And I hear that. Oh, wow. I usually ask this much later on, but what is Leslie grateful for [00:07:31] today? [00:07:32] Leslie Davis: Today, I'm grateful for well let me just, you know, not be so lofty, but today I'm grateful for a nice warm house. I'm grateful that, you know, the, the grocery store had Fritos in it cause we're suffering a Frito crisis.[00:07:47] And I'm just, I'm grateful to get to talk to you. Truthfully. I'm very grateful to get to talk to you because I get to tell you. Thank you so much for what you are doing for [00:08:00] the, you know, the people out there who were struggling and they think that they're doing it by themselves. So I'm so thankful that you're letting them know they're not alone.[00:08:09] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, thank you for that. Yeah. And what was the biggest aha moment you had on your journey? I think you mentioned one thing, but anything else you want to share? [00:08:20] Leslie Davis: Biggest, aha moment was realizing that my very best friend in the whole wide world was myself. And developing a relationship with my very best friend in the whole wide world.[00:08:33] Now that sounds kind of crazy, but when, when we spend so much of our time giving and putting children and everybody else, you know, ahead of ourselves, we lose relationships. With our very best friend in the whole wide world, which is ourself. And so many times when we're in the midst of all that struggle, we need to be heard.[00:08:54] We need someone to listen to us. We need someone to validate us. We, we have [00:09:00] so many needs and yet let's be honest. I don't care how good of a friend people are. I don't care how amazing of a sister you may have. I don't care how incredible of a mother you might or might not have. It doesn't matter. Those people don't want to listen to you really, and truly listen to you and hear you for hours on end.[00:09:22] Yeah, but the, the biggest discovery that I made was my very best friend in the whole wide world. Doesn't care how long I go on about how annoyed I was about something she never, ever, ever tries to solve my problem. She just listens to. Yes. [00:09:41] J. Rosemarie: And they laugh because, you know I live alone now. My sons are grown and I love the times.[00:09:48] I actually laugh at myself because I actually talk to myself [00:09:51] Leslie Davis: sometimes it's the best conversation in the room yeah, [00:09:55] J. Rosemarie: I know because I'm like, you know, hear me, I'm talking to myself [00:10:00] and sometime I answer and there in the past, I said, oh, I need to stop talking to myself. Now. I actually deliberately do it. And no, you're not crazy for talking to yourself.[00:10:12] And the other thing I think, and I, I would like you to talk about it if you want, is. A lot of times when we're tired and weary and overwhelmed, we, we don't tend to want to withdraw and be alone and, and spend time with us. We want to be. In other people's space who just move further into exhaustion, you know, truth be told.[00:10:39] So can you address [00:10:40] that? [00:10:41] Leslie Davis: Well, yeah, as you said, oftentimes when we're tired or we're overwhelmed we think that being around other people is going to help us feel energized, excited, and all that. And truthfully, all it does is it just continues to drain us. So what I, what I had started doing several [00:11:00] years ago, and this was part of the journey is I get up a little bit earlier in the morning.[00:11:04] Why? So that I can have quiet time by myself before the day gets started. And during that time, I read some affirmations. I read, you know, some passages in the Bible, but the most important work that I do is I have a notebook and I write three pages of conversation with myself each morning. You know, some days I may not write a full three pages.[00:11:27] Some days I may spill over to a fourth page. But typically it's around three pages of conversation with myself. Now I don't text myself and having, you know, a full eight and a half by 11 notebook. No, my notebooks are like, you know, six by nine, five by eight. Let's be realistic. And I'm not journaling do not tell me I'm journaling.[00:11:48] All I'm doing is writing in a notebook. And the reason I say don't tell me I'm journaling, because I swore I would never be one of those people who journaled instead, I just have a whole lot of notebooks with words in them, but, you [00:12:00] know when you're, when you were a single mother with children, Finding time to have a sensible conversation with yourself is very hard to find.[00:12:10] So that's why one of the reasons why. I started getting up early so that I could take care of me before I started taking care of everybody else. Now, when I started it, my children were gone and in college and out of the house and all that kind of stuff, but I still had my husband, I still had the dogs. I still had job.[00:12:29] I still had responsibilities. So still important that I get up that little bit early, you know, you can say, well, that's going to make me feel tired. That's going to make me. Truthfully, truthfully, you will feel so energized. The hamsters that run around in your head will be sent back to the pet market and I'm on a mission to fire all the hamsters and send them back to the pet market and put the pet market out of business.[00:12:56] But you will be able to tackle your day so much better because you've [00:13:00] taken care of yourself before you took care of anybody else. [00:13:05] J. Rosemarie: Yeah, that's true that yeah. Tell me about your weight loss journey. It's one of the things that play off because we don't pay enough attention to, you know, to us and.[00:13:19] I realized that we hear a lot about it. You know, I was a hundred pounds and I lost that. But tell us a little bit more, share that part of you with us, if you can. [00:13:30] Leslie Davis: Well, I realized that I, I mean, I knew it, but you know, when you, when I made the decision to get healthy, mentally, physically, and emotionally, that was when I had to face the reality of what my weight was.[00:13:42] And I was about a hundred pounds more than. I wanted to be desired to be an or even that I am right now. So I started paying attention to what it was that I was eating. You know, how much of it I was eating. But truthfully, honestly, the, the transformation. [00:14:00] Came when I started taking care of the emotions and dealing with the emotions and addressing the emotions and being honest with them.[00:14:08] And so many people said to me, you know, you shouldn't feel this way. And, or I would say so-and-so made me feel whatever. And one of the two things that I came to understand is the first, no one can make you anything except reservations for dinner.[00:14:29] Okay. So if we are feeling, you know, angry, mad, happy, whatever nobody made it made us. If we chose to feel that no one can make you anything except reservations for dinner. The other thing was, you know, being honest with what I was feeling. 'cause how many times do we say to ourselves or say to somebody else, especially children, you shouldn't feel that way?[00:14:54] Well, no, you don't get a vote in how I feel. I'm sorry. You get no vote in how I [00:15:00] feel, how I feel is how I feel. [00:15:03] J. Rosemarie: Yes. Thank you. So, so you're thinking is that it's true. I agree that emotions play may play a bigger role in how we eat and therefore gain weight [00:15:18] Leslie Davis: for me. Food was my drug of choice.[00:15:21] J. Rosemarie: Yeah. I remember. Yeah, that's true. I remember that. I used to bake a cake when I. I'm an eighth, the cake I got stressed out, so yeah. Well, [00:15:30] Leslie Davis: you know, we're searching for something we're searching for something to stop the pain, we're searching for something, you know, to, to ease the tension. And for me, food was my drug of choice.[00:15:40] I mean, I'll be very honest. That was what I went to. And. This was my giant aha moment about it because when I would each know the entire bag of chips and the whole container of onion dip and the head to be barbecue, ruffles chips and onion dip. Anyway, after I would finish.[00:16:00] Then the shame would set in.[00:16:02] I knew how to do shame really, really well, because you know, I'd grown up being told you should be ashamed. You should feel ashamed. You should, you know, so I knew how to do shame really well, but I did not know how to do sad. I did not know how to do angry. I didn't even know how to do happy. [00:16:19] J. Rosemarie: Hmm. Wow. Yeah.[00:16:23] So how can we get in touch with you? [00:16:25] Leslie Davis: The [00:16:25] best way to reach me is on my website, which is www.youcanteatlove.com and there's all different ways to contact me. There's information about my book, there's information about me. And if you reach out to me, I will answer you. I am a real person and I will respond.[00:16:46] J. Rosemarie: Okay. [00:16:46] Cool. Cool. I'll put the link in the show notes so people can get, access to you and thank you for sharing your life with Leslie. I want you to give me one piece of advice for a solo mom. [00:16:59] Leslie Davis: My [00:17:00] biggest piece of advice. Well, actually, let me give you two things. One. I said this to my oldest son when he was two and a half years.[00:17:10] He turned around and looked at me one day, I told him to do something and he looked at me and he said, you're so mean, mom. And I looked at him and I said, do you know what mom stands for? And he said, no. And I said, mom stands for mean old mother. And every day, I think of three main things to do to you. And that was one.

[00:17:33] So I've never had a problem with my children telling me that I was mean, they knew that I was, and that every day I thought of three mean things to do to each one of them having three children, that's nine things. Okay. The second thing that I would say is on those days, when you're struggling, when it's a really hard day and you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm never going to get through this. [00:17:55] Remember two things. Try to find a word besides no. [00:18:00] And secondly, tomorrow they will be another day older and I'm like, I got three things. The third thing is there is a difference between liking and loving. You can not like your children and that is okay, but you will always love them. And if you say to them, Today. [00:18:19] I'm not liking you very much, but I will always love you. Then they will grow up understanding there is a difference and that's so important. That's so important that they know that no matter what you will love them. [00:18:33] J. Rosemarie: Always. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Leslie Lindsay Davis for coming and talking to us today.[00:18:40] Anything else? [00:18:41] Leslie Davis: No, that's it. Thank you so much for having. And I hope to hear from your listeners. Yes, [00:18:48] J. Rosemarie: for sure. You gave me a good laugh today. I bet needs a riot in your house.[00:18:57] Leslie Davis: Now. It is. [00:19:00] [00:19:01] Thank you.[00:19:02] J. Rosemarie: And I'm excited to share that SoloMoms! Talk is now on YouTube. Check out these interviews on our new channel, SoloMoms! Talk TV. There, you will actually see the interaction between myself and my guests. You will also find bite-size clips daily inspiration to help you manage the struggles of everyday life.[00:19:22] So click Solomon's talk TV below to watch now.