Solo Mom Journey: My 900-Mile Move to Resilience

JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (00:03.63) So I've been holding onto this story for quite some time, but I'm thinking it's time that I let it go. Cause maybe there's somebody it can help. I don't know who needs to hear my story. But I think that somebody do. So as you know, I'm the host of Solo Mom's Talk and I started the podcast because I was a mom, a divorced mom, and primarily focused on the time when I was raising my two youngest sons. So...

I have a story about when I, about courage, about having the courage to believe. Because what the story I'm about to tell you took courage, one, and number two, I had to believe that I had to believe in God. I had to believe that somebody else was looking out for me. when I couldn't look after myself. So it was 2006. I was raising these two little boys alone. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (01:39.214) For those of you who listen to my podcast know my story that I came home one day with them two little boys and they were two and four. And my husband had moved everything out of the house and trashed it, even the piggy bank. Then called the landlord and told her to throw us out, me and his two children out. And it was a difficult time. There were a lot of times I wanted to kill myself, but I knew that those children were my responsibility and I was all they had. I didn't have anyone to help, you know, to support me. I didn't hear from him. When he left, I didn't hear from him for two years. So I gave up on him. I didn't care anymore. But Life got difficult in 2006, like chicken had come out of the rules, so to speak. I had given up the insurance agency. I had started when my husband left and decided to go into real estate because I wanted to do something that was flexible. The kids were getting bigger and they were going to school and I needed the flexibility. So I took the real estate exam, passed it and signed up with a brokerage. This was 2006, new agent. And I didn't do too bad because I, I, I fully, firmly believe in networking. So I had a network and I was able to do all right that the first nine months, because after the first nine months, the market crashed. I don't even think my broker survived. But I was left now with no income, no way to make an income, and the world was in crisis. What to do? I had a cousin in Florida who encouraged me to come there and try to find a job, and I did. I made some attempt, went for some interviews, but nothing worked out. And I was desperate, to say the least. I was... JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (04:07.246) life seems hopeless. And if you're alone, it's bad and not too bad. But when I'm like, what am I going to do? Who am I going to take care of? Two other people. I don't even know how to take care of myself.

But I had a friend in New York at the time who had gone to school with in Jamaica. And he sent me the link to an employment agency that he knew somebody that worked there. And so while struggling, because I didn't want to go to New York, I had visited New York in 1990, hated it. And vowed I would never return. So to be faced with the possibility of having to move there and move my kids, you know, it just didn't feel good to me. But when I was living in Toronto, I had taken a secretarial course. I didn't want to be a secretary, but I had taken the course because it's one of those skills that you can always use. And it was like something said to me, why don't you apply for a job as an admin? And I'm like, don't want to, but OK. It's not about me. It's about taking care of my responsibilities. I went online, used the site, the link that my friend gave me. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (05:41.87) and applied to two agencies for admin positions. And maybe within 15 minutes after getting off the internet, I got a call from one of the agency, actually that same agency, and they said, we saw your resume and we'd like you to come in for an interview tomorrow. Now, I didn't say at the beginning that I was living in Atlanta. and this job, the agency was in New York City. That's 900 miles away. And they said, I'd like you to come in tomorrow. So I said, well, I can't come in tomorrow, but how is Thursday? And they said, OK, yeah, so we schedule an interview for 9 a Thursday morning. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (06:37.646)

Of course, I had no clue I was getting to New York. I was living in this three bedroom basement apartment with my kids and I didn't know where I was going to get my next meal from. The rent wasn't paid and how was I going to go to New York? So it was just... And I went and I prayed and I went to my bedroom and I knelt on my knees and I said, Lord, I just agreed to do an interview in New York. I don't know why I did it, but how am I going to get there? You know, and before I got off my knees, my phone rang. I picked up the phone. It was a friend of mine. He said, what's up? I didn't call him, but he said, what's up? I explained to him. you know, what happened, what was happening. He knew I was a single mom, et cetera. And he said, write this number down. And he gave me the name of the person. He said, he owes me. Tell him to give you a ticket. So I called the guy. I said, you know, my friend told me to call you and I need to go to New York and I need a ticket. He said, you could give me a ticket. He said, when are you going? What's your name? And you know, when you're ready, you could go pick up the ticket when you get to the airport. So I had a ticket. Of course, that wasn't the end of the story. And of course, my lizard brain started to bring up all the problems that all the things that was wrong with this scenario. Right. So now I was thinking I needed. clothes to wear to this interview and I needed to look professional. And I had clothes, but they needed cleaning. And the truth is I had several pieces at the cleaners that I couldn't pick up. They'd been there for months. And as far as I was concerned, I didn't even know if they were still at the cleaners. But now I needed to go pick up this particular suit, navy suit. And I thought it was, it was very nice, right? JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (09:03.214) I didn't know how I was gonna get it. It was $15 to pick it up and I just didn't know. So I pick up the phone, called another friend, said, look, this is what's happening. I need to go pick up my suit and I have no money. He said, why don't you come over? I'll give you some money. I said, well, I can't because I have no gas in my car. He said, okay, give me a couple of hours and I'll bring you some money. Sure enough, a few hours later, he brought me $40, put $20 gas in my car and went and pick up my suit. I had $5 left over change that I used for New York City subway. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (09:50.382) Then I had to think about what I was going to do with those two little boys, why I flew all the way to New York for a job interview.

I had a son, an older son. We had separated, gone our separate ways when he was 18 and I called him and I said, you know, I need to go to New York for an interview. Would you stay with your brothers? And my son just said, yes, mom, I'll do it. And I said, I'll be back Friday, you know, just a couple of days. So, you know, you could take the car, do what you need to do. And so. Everything was set now, right? I made an arrangement to stay somewhere Wednesday evening. No, actually, let me back up. The interviews were on Friday. I went to New York Thursday. So... The truth is that the interview was scheduled for Friday, not... Yeah, I think I got this. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (11:23.086) No, it's correct. So I flew to New York Wednesday afternoon and I...

While flying to New York, they stopped me at the airport. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (11:51.63) They were going through my bags, my purse, and they couldn't figure out what it was they were looking at. And they came and asked my permission to go through my bag. It was my handbag. And I said, OK, I thought that it was probably my lipstick because I had this lipstick that was in a metal case. Este Lauder And so I figured that was it. But while I waited for him to check my bag, I realized, I guess it was like my stomach hit the floor. Cause I realized I had a bullet in my purse. And the reason I had the bullet in my purse was because my ex -husband had threatened me with it.

in the dresser and I had a gun on the bed and all this. So I put it in my purse because I wanted to take it to court to show the judge. And I'd forgotten that it was there. You hear a lot now about people getting arrested for that. And I'm telling you, and this was after 9 -11. So I'm there scared out of my wits. Cause I was already scared about this thing going all the way to New York to do this interview, leaving my kids back in Atlanta. And now. I'm standing there, you know, waiting for to be arrested because that's the story I'm telling myself. I'm going to be arrested. I'm going to be in the six o 'clock news. It was after 9 11. Definitely. I was going under six o 'clock news. But while all these thoughts, this bombardment was coming at me and coming at me, I had an epiphany. It was epiphany. It was just. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (13:44.174)

this calm that came over me. And it was like the Lord, the Spirit of the Lord said to me, do you really think that I would do all this for you, for you to come all the way to New York so I could embarrass you? And I got this peace, this calm, this, this, this thing came over me, this peace. So the gentleman came to me and he, He found the bullet and he said, explain this. So I explained. I had my phone. I had pictures on the phone. So I showed him the pictures and he said, well, I have to talk to my supervisor about this because, you know, so I said, okay, I understand. He went to the supervisor. He spoke with the supervisor. The supervisor came with, you know, explain, explain this. So I explained it to him. I told him what was going on and how I had come to have that on me. And he said, this is what he said. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (14:52.782) I can't put this in the system because if I put this in the system, that would be it. But I can't, I also can't give you this back. Enjoy your trip. And I was reluctant to put this part in because, you know, but it's been a long time. So hopefully it's okay. So I went, stayed with a friend. He dropped me off at Starbucks. 6 a the next morning so I could wait around for my interview because he had to go to work. I had the interview, this is Thursday, I went to my cousin, took the subway, went to my cousin in Queens and was staying with my cousin. I was going to spend the night and then fly back to Atlanta the next day. All on a buddy pass because I had no money, right? And it wasn't like before where you had to pay a certain amount or if something was paid for me, I don't know. Maybe they paid it, you know, but I didn't have to pay anything. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (16:03.662)

So I'm with my cousin, we're talking and you know, I'm making plans to go home the next day. I think I got on the phone, I was telling my son what was going on, my oldest son, and that I would be back the next day. So my cousin said to me, where are you going? Like, you know, why don't you just stay, hang out a couple days and see if you know, you get called. So I called up my oldest son and said, you know, I'm gonna need to stay, I'm gonna spend the weekend and then see what happens on Monday. Now I felt bad about it because he at the time was doing ministerial duties and Saturdays and Sundays where he had his busy days, you know, and now he was saddled with my kids. But the only thing my son said to me was, yes, mom, it's okay. I'll take care of them. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (17:00.686) And you know, I'm gonna have a segue in here. You know, sometimes raising kids alone is tough. But the Bible tell you that children are a blessing. And even when it's difficult, we have to remember to. recognize the blessing that children are.

So I stayed with my cousin and Monday I was antsy because that was the first time I've ever left those two little ones alone and I was just a little antsy about it. But that Monday afternoon, actually, yes, that Monday afternoon, I got a call from this. I had interviewed with two agencies on Thursday. That Monday afternoon, I got a call from the first agents, the first agency, the one that my friend referred me to. And they said, we have a three day job. Would you be interested in that? And I said, yeah, sure. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (18:16.302) I didn't know what I was doing. I just said, yeah, sure. And they gave me all the details and, you know, hang out. Not too long after that, the second agency called and said, we have a three week job for you. Would you like to take it? I said, no, I can't because I already committed to a three day job. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (18:38.062) And she said, okay, well, if the three day job doesn't work out, call us and we'll see if we could find something for you. So this three day job, this is Monday, it started on Wednesday. And. I was a mess. I was torn up. I was thinking about my kids. I was thinking about my bills. I was thinking about the situation I was in 900 miles away from home. I had no anchor. I felt adrift, but I also felt like I wasn't in control. Someone else was in control. God was in control. And so Wednesday morning, I got on the bus, got on the train. Two and a half hours later, I was on Wall Street. I walked into the 16th floor of this business, the 19th floor of this business and bumped into another single mom, another divorced mom raising her child alone and working. And I was there to help her. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (19:52.445) And like usual, and this is what I tell everybody, whether you're picking up garbage. cleaning up after someone else, or you're the head of the corporation. You are You, Inc. And you have to work like you are You, Inc. And this experience that me realize that nobody's my boss. I don't work for people and companies. I work for God and whatever I do, I do it as unto the Lord. And that's one of the big lessons I learned in this situation. So this is Wednesday, Thursday, the young lady came to me and said, we'd like to keep you on. We'd like to extend you for another two, for two weeks. So, but at this point, no one knew I wasn't even living in New York. I didn't tell anyone anything. I just showed up for work. I said, Then I had to tell her the truth. I left my kids in Atlanta. I don't have, I don't live anywhere and I'm just, I just came here for this job. And she said to me, she said, well, you can take tomorrow off. You go home, sort through your business and I'll see you on Monday. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (21:27.086) So I realized now that I needed a place to stay for at least two weeks, right? So I had an aunt in New Jersey, I called her, I told her, you know, look, I got a job and I need some place to stay while I sort myself out. She said, okay, no problem, you can come stay with me. I called my cousin the same thing, because I wanted to make sure that I had somewhere. While on the plane returning to Atlanta, It dawned on me that this was not me visiting New York to have to do a job, a temp job. This was me moving, taking up my life to move it from Atlanta to New York. And I wasn't leaving my kids. I was taking them with me. And that thing scared me. It was May, middle of May. They were still in school. So it meant I had to take them out. And mind you, this is 11 and 13 year old boys. So imagine. Anyway, I got back to Atlanta Friday night and I called my aunt, I told her, called my cousin, I told him that I was gonna bring my sons back. with me to New York. They said, no, no, we don't have any room. We don't. We can take you, but we can't take the kids. But you know, I didn't panic. I don't know why, but I didn't panic. I said, OK. Saturday morning, I got up and I called the friend who had to arrange a ticket for me. I said, look, I'm moving to New York. I have. a storage unit full of furniture, because I had a five bedroom house before that. I had a house, I was living in a basement. It was three bedrooms full of furniture. I said, call your friends, tell them to bring a truck, pull it up. They can have anything they want. I'm just going to put what can hold in my car because we're moving to New York. To all my kids, we're moving to New York. And they were like, New York? No, mommy, we can't move to New York. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (23:50.83) but they were all right. My kids are good kids. But then I still had to find somewhere to live. So I spent all day Saturday packing up what I was taking with me and having people in and out, clearing out what I wasn't going to take with me. This time I'm having problems with my landlord because he didn't get his rent yet. And I told him I was moving to New York. Anyway, that's all another story. When everything had died down, Saturday evening now, I started to focus on when I get back to New York, when I drove, when I was driving back to New York, where was I going to stay? And it wasn't even about me. I mean, I could have stayed in my car and make it work. But I had two kids, right? So what was I going to do? And again, another lesson is

Keep your contacts fresh. Connect with people. Make time to build connections with people. So I had a friend, I called all these people friend. This person I've never met, still I've met him all this time. He was a mortgage broker. He moved from New York to Florida. So I never met him. And I called him and I said, since I knew he lived in New York, I said, do you know anybody in New York who has a room to rent? Because I'm like, a room would do for now. And he said, you know why? I told him why. He said, I have a room in Queens. And I'm like, so OK, how much? And he said, don't worry about it. We can sort it out when you get there. So Friday and Saturday nights. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (25:46.414) The night before I was supposed to leave to drive back to New York, I had a place. So Sunday morning at 6 .30 a I got in my car, packed full. My two little boys were just stuck. You know, one was in the front, one was stuck in the back with all our stuff, trunk full. And I got in that car and drove and I drove and I started driving. I drove and I drove and I drove. And I did not reach that. Room in Queens till 3 a Monday morning because I got lost in New York City at night. Right? And thankfully, this landlord, my new landlord, stayed on the phone with me and guided me and talked me into how, because I had a 2001 Toyota Camry. There was no GPS. Right? And so he talked me until we got to this place. I'm telling you.

I walked in that place and turned on the light and the inhabitants just scattered all over. You know what I mean. All it was was a double bed and a double mattress and box spring on the floor. A cabinet with a TV on top of it. That was it. The bathroom was, hadn't been cleaned in years, I don't think.

JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (27:33.55) But I travel with my sheets. I always travel with my spread and I spread it over the bed and I said, you guys lay down. And I laid down next to them. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (27:46.83)

Next morning at 6 a my phone rang and my friend said, aren't you going to work? And I said, I just got in at 3 a And he said, well, it's your first day. You can't not go. I figured I was right. And, you know, I had to just run to the bathroom, do the needful, got put my clothes on and You know, I'd figured out the bus and everything beforehand. Two and a half hours it took me. Two and a half hours it took me to get to my destination. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (28:35.361) But a week later, the manager came to me and said to me, you know, we like your work. We like how you work. And so we're going to extend you for another two weeks. But in the middle of those two weeks, I want to have a conversation with you about, you know, working, working for us. And I'm telling you, I was able to negotiate my salary, my benefits, just everything. I mean, it was just, I don't know, it just happened. And I was in that job for 17 months and we got laid off. It was expected, got my bonus, got unemployment. My landlord didn't even know, because I had moved then. There were several things that happened. And that's in my book. I have a book called The Courage to Believe. And that's the in -between is in that book. But by this time, I was living in Brooklyn. And my landlord didn't even know I was out of work, because I was never late with my rent. We had food. I mean, I even started school during that time. But. Three months later, I got a call from a manager, another manager at the same place of employment. And he said, he asked me if I'm still looking for work because another manager in another department was hiring. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (30:23.918) And I want to tell you something about this manager that called me. Before I left, he was one of those people who was going to be axed, right? And I think he was a little bit down about it because he had his family and stuff. And I found myself encouraging this man. And I think... I'm not going to say how it happened, but maybe he remembered that I encouraged him and he reached out to me when he knew this position had come up. And I went in, I interviewed, got the job. And before I know it, I got another job, which I stayed at for 11 years. So the reason why this is called The Courage to Believe is that I left Atlanta. during in the middle of the financial crisis, went to work for a financial company. And I was only, when I moved, I was only guaranteed two weeks. Originally it was a three day job that I accepted. Then they extended to two weeks. So I had to go back and move my kids, move my body myself to New York. Didn't know where I was going, but God provided. And even the pitfalls, even the pitfalls. And he said, he will rescue you from the snare of the fowler. because that's what that airport thing was. That was the sneer of a fowler just sitting there ready to ensnare me, to trap me. And God, in his mercy, moved me out of that situation, moved me out of this poverty, this desperation. JRosemarie Francis (Jenn) (32:27.502) and protected me and my children by moving us to New York City to one of the, and that was probably the best decision I ever made. I got to work for the most amazing company who took care of the employees. And I'm telling you, even when I got laid off, I went back, I was telling my friend, I'm working, I got a job. And he go, how do you get jobs like that? And I was, I mean, getting jobs, there were people with MBAs couldn't get jobs. and couldn't work in the kind of jobs I had. And I work with some of the most amazing people. So I don't know who needed to hear this story, but maybe this is for you. Have the courage to believe. And I'm pretty sure people thought I was crazy. And I think, looking back, I would think I was crazy too. But there's nothing crazy about God's plan for you. There's nothing crazy about having the courage to believe.