Dutch Dreams: Conny Dassen on Career, Love, and Country Life

Judy Oskam: 0:02

Welcome to Stories of Change and Creativity. I'm Judy Oskam. On this episode, I'm excited to bring you my interview with Conny Dassen. I met Conny in the Netherlands. She and my husband went to high school together and have been friends for decades, and I can see why Conny is smart, determined and funny as hell. During our conversation we look back at her successful and varied career from the hotel industry to a career in television. Like her late father, filmmaker-director Jan Dassen. You'll hear why Conny left the city and moved to the country. We sat down and talked in her farmhouse in rural eastern Holland near the German border. The farmhouse has been lived in since 1541. Conny lives there on the farm with husband JanTon. They were recently married after a 50-year love story, and what a love story it has been. First we'll talk career and then the conversation gets juicy. I hope you enjoy the interview.

Conny Dassen: 1:12

I think the most important thing is that I always said when I ended high school I said I want to have a job with people. There has to be people involved. I'm not going to be in an office with papers and computers. There has to be people involved. So I started working in hotels in Amsterdam, being a city guide, worked in a travel agency, and then I was fed up because it was very, very, very hard work and I thought I'll make a sidestep to car rental. That was the wrong choice. So I did that for exactly nine months and then I left. I said bye, I'm going, made a ton of money over there, but I went back to the hotel and earned a third of what I did, but you liked it more Between the people, guests, hospitality. So you went back to the hotel, yeah, and I had a great time.

Conny Dassen: 2:13

And then, because my relationship ended, I lived in Amsterdam at the moment, I went back to Amersfoort, which where we all met, where your husband and I met as friends on school, and then I started working in a hotel which was brand new, which wasn't open when I came, and we opened it and we built it up to a five star deluxe hotel and when that was finished, I saw a job ad of a sales and marketing job. And when I came to the job they said yeah, we also want to set up a central reservation system because we have 12 hotels and we're going to expand, so could you help us? Did that, and then after that I went back to Amsterdam Worked that's very funny. Did I work? Build where? Yeah, then went back to Amsterdam, worked in a hotel for I think about three months, Sat in an office, had a secretary, had every luxury you can think of, and I thought what the peep am I doing here?

Conny Dassen: 3:27

So I told my boss I'm sorry, but I'm not the right person for this job, so I'm going to leave you guys. No, you're not, yes, I am. Went home, took half a year off and thought what would I do with my life? And I didn't know. So I thought about it for half a year and then I went into a temp agency and I showed them my resume and I said could you help me to the next job? And she said that's okay, hang up your coat over there, drop your bag over there, sit next to me and help me get people jobs. I did that for fun, I did it for five years.

Conny Dassen: 4:09

I had so much fun ended up in Hilversum and Hilversum is television city in holland yes, and then we added in our 10 page, we added an audio visual uh department and they said would you like to do it? And as my father came from television and radio, yeah, your father was a famous award-winning journalist, yes, so I thought maybe I can do that. I know a couple of people. I like the people because they're you know, they're typical people.

Conny Dassen: 4:36

Yeah, and did that. And then my father retired and I thought well, now I can be there, now it's my turn to do that. And then I started a course and became a planner for the first soap in Holland Soap opera.

Judy Oskam: 4:54

Oh nice.

Conny Dassen: 4:55

Yeah, in television, yes, and that was very funny, but I didn't want to do it. It was all planning and administrative stuff and extras of course. And then I became a director's assistant, Did that for a couple of years and then became floor manager in the entertainment industry in Ausmere, which is the other television mecca of Holland, and did it. I had so much fun. Really that was my spot in the world. But then, as in every country, budgets were cut and instead of working on the program for a week we had a day, so that's not enough bread on your plate. And then I thought what should I do? And then somebody offered me a job as a secretary yes, as a secretary, and I liked that. And I evolved in that branch until the executive assistant. At the end, when we moved here, I started giving trainings for secretaries, helped them to learn to communicate not only the secretaries to the manager but the manager to the secretaries.

Judy Oskam: 6:10

but you just retired a month ago, yep, so it hasn't been long. When, when, when you look back, connie, at all of those jobs that you really liked, what was the main connection there? Was it the connection connection? People?

Conny Dassen: 6:24

It's people, if it's actors, if it's managers high up or low, I don't care, as long as it's people. Yeah, if you shut me in an office with only machines, I go nuts. Yeah, I have to be fed through ideas and things from other people and you get your energy from that.

Conny Dassen: 6:48

Oh, yes, yeah, yeah and, but I need my alone time as well because that's what I learned in in all those years to recharge, yeah, to recharge, yeah, and that's what I do in nature, and now I live in the middle of nature yeah, so I'm recharged all.

Judy Oskam: 7:03

I love that. Well, and let's talk about that. Because you moved from the city Amsterdam, you lived in big cities and you lived in busy, busy places, and now life in the country. Talk about life in the country. How did that happen?

Conny Dassen: 7:19

Well, we lived in Middelburg, which is close to Amsterdam, and we thought what do we want to do with the rest of our lives? And when we go on a trip, it's always the peace and quiet we're looking for. And if that's, our favorite country is Australia and we always look for the peace and quiet. And I said, why don't we find a place where we living but actually we're on holiday? So we thought, looked for the peace and quiet. It took us five years to find this place. Yeah and yeah, this is where we are going to end up. I love that.

Judy Oskam: 7:56

Well, and when you say we, there's a story there too.

Conny Dassen: 8:00

There's a story there too.

Judy Oskam: 8:02

There's romance, Listeners. There's romance here and this story has been weaving throughout time, through your career, through your life, from someone you knew way back in high school.

Conny Dassen: 8:14

Way back, he asked me if I wanted to date him on my 18th birthday.

Judy Oskam: 8:19

Oh, I love that.

Conny Dassen: 8:23

And 49 years later, we got married on that same date, but there have been pushes and pulls throughout the 50 years.

Conny Dassen: 8:40

Well, we were going to live together in a house and I thought, if I live together now, I can't live, because then we're a couple. The time wasn't right, yeah, no, it wasn't really not right. So I, we, we ended the relationship. I moved to Amsterdam and started to live. I'm an only child, so I had a mother and a father which were really in my life, and I spread my wings and started to travel, started to get different jobs and but we always stayed friends. If I needed financial advice or anything else, I always would call them up. Yeah, and we met. A very specific date was we met in 2000.

Conny Dassen: 9:28

I just had a trip where I had, I wouldn't say, a revelation, but I thought I learned something very important about myself and I said I thought I wanted to tell him. So I called him up, let's have dinner. I told him, I asked him a question and it turned out he wasn't happy in the relationship he was having. So we talked a lot about it. We talked how he could solve that and a lot of other things. It, unfortunately, it ended in a divorce for him and I went to australia because I had a dream of doing a big trip on my own, yeah.

Conny Dassen: 10:02

And then, um, almost at the end of my trip, he called me me up. He said I have a new job but I have a month of free time. Is it okay if I travel with you? I said, yes, well, let me think about it. And then a couple of days later I called him and I said okay, travel with me. And then he was very brave. He made his first intercontinental flight and he never done that before, and ended up in a country he knew. Nobody spoke the language, of course, but that's about it. And he ended up in the middle of Australia, in Alice Springs, and that's where I picked him up at the airport.

Judy Oskam: 10:43

I love this.

Conny Dassen: 10:44

And we traveled for a month together, fell in love with Australia and tried our very best to move and immigrate to Australia, but we didn't succeed because the Australian rules are very strict, yeah right.

Judy Oskam: 10:56

They're right. So your dream changed a little bit from Australia. But while in Australia you found the magic again with JanTon.

Judy Oskam: 11:07

Yeah, and so together you come back.

Conny Dassen: 11:10

Yeah, in Australia I found out that I looked for a man Don't laugh too hard. I always looked for a man who had a little bit of Yontan in his face or in his behavior. And when he came after three months and I saw him, I thought, oh, you're the one, but I've known you for all my life.

Judy Oskam: 11:34

Yes, the obvious, yeah, yeah. So the timing. The timing had to be right. Yeah, the timing had to be right. Well, throughout all of that you've, you face a lot of change. Talk about how you approach change, because that's something that I'm fascinating with is how people how to kind of approach change and then move forward in their life one assignment to another.

Conny Dassen: 12:11

It's um, I always start with open eyes, open ears. Let people tell me what they want and what they don't want, and why they don't want it. Talk to them and then you can find out how you can solve a problem. Sometimes there isn't even a problem. No, yeah, and I'm the one for new horizons, new challenges, meeting new people and finding out about different cultures, about how people live and why they live their lives like they live it. So for me, it's a constant. I'm a very, very busy, busy reader. I read a lot. It's crazy if I don't have a new book waiting before the other one is finished, I get nervous. Yeah, and that's I think. Once I read a quote that said if you live your life without traveling, you only read the first page. Oh, that's true, yeah, and if you keep on reading and keep on living, you read the whole book. Well, my book is not finished yet. No, no.

Conny Dassen: 13:19

I'm halfway yeah.

Judy Oskam: 13:21

Yeah, I love that. So look ahead five years. What's, what are we going to see five years from now?

Conny Dassen: 13:29

Well, I'll still be here.

Judy Oskam: 13:30

Yeah.

Conny Dassen: 13:31

Because I'm not going anywhere. Yes, I hope we've traveled. We have been to Australia a couple of times and there's still one spot we want to see. I hope we've done that. We still have another trip. I have another trip on my wish list Botswana, and Yantong is hasn't been traveling that much before. He knew me and now he said just lead the way, I'll follow you. I love it. Never been there, never done that, just leave it. So that's that's what we're going to do, yeah, and make this a good place and enjoy it. I love it.

Conny Dassen: 14:11

And that's what we do every day.

Judy Oskam: 14:13

Yeah Well, and what advice do you have for people that you know might not live in such a scenic place? But how can we really kind of embrace the moment and the nature around us? What do you recommend, because you live in it every day?

Conny Dassen: 14:42

Yeah, I think the most important thing is that you're sharing your thoughts and ideas with other people. So talk to people. That's what I think is the most important thing now these days. Talk to people. Talk to elderly people because they're the history. Talk to young people because they're the future. Just talk to them and see what they think.

Conny Dassen: 14:55

Don't just look at your telephone, at your phone, and that's not where life comes from. Life comes from the people around you and especially with the world how it is today, I think it's very important that we listen to the elder people because they've been there, and that the younger people should educate themselves by listening to the older people. I think that's really my wish that people do that. I live in the part of Holland where there are still a lot of old farmers living in their farms and I'll go by, have a cup of coffee and ask them about their lives, and one coffee turns into lunch and even one turned into dinner, because he and she couldn't stop talking. And the information I got we talked about the war because we're close to the German border. We talked to the Second World War. The information I got, the feelings, the emotions I got, they're worth a lifetime, and that's what I want other people to do as well. Listen.

Judy Oskam: 16:07

Well, I see you're going back to your roots with your family and your father, and the journalist in you is coming out. So maybe there's a book in your future. No, have you thought about collecting those?

Conny Dassen: 16:19

stories. No, my father always had one sentence in his whole life One day I'm going to write a book and he never did and I'm not going to say it. But I made a lot of movies and a lot of documentaries for myself, so I'm more of a picture girl yeah, documentary, yeah, documentaries for myself. So I'm more of a a picture girl yeah, documentary, yeah. So maybe that's one day I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do.

Conny Dassen: 16:45

What I'm gonna do is find out the history of the place we're living. We're now here it's we've been living since 1541, so there's a lot of history there. That's what I'm going to look into. I really want to do that. I already have a lot of history there. That's what I'm going to look into. I really want to do that. I already have a lot of information, but that's a tough job. It is a tough job, but I have to do it quickly because a lot of the elderly people in their 80s, 90s at the moment and they tell the best stories, yeah, yeah.

Conny Dassen: 17:12

They tell stories that you think no, not in my house, yes in our house. Oh that you think no, not in my house, yes in our house. Oh, my goodness, yeah, they lived in this house where you're now, with 11 children. Oh my gosh, and sometimes we the two of us don't have enough room. Yeah, 11 children, wow.

Judy Oskam: 17:32

Wow, this has been fun. Thank you, Conny, appreciate it.

Judy Oskam: 17:36

Thank you for sharing and thank you for being here. Thank you In Holland. I will come back. Well, I really do look forward to coming back to Holland and visiting with Conny and JanTon and finding out what's new with them and also what's new with life on the farm and at the farmhouse. Some of the takeaways that I got I love that Connie talked about the importance of talking with elderly people to learn the history and also talking to young people who have their eye on the future, open eyes and open ears, as Conny said. Well, I hope you enjoyed this conversation as much as I did. It was just a fun, fun, interesting connection. It was just a fun, fun, interesting connection If you've got a story to share or know someone who does reach out to me at JudyOskam. com. Thanks for listening.