Brian - Today, It's About Nothing

Okay. So it's just me today and I’m trying something a little different.

 Right now, I’m planning on releasing new conversations with guests every two weeks. (One every week was killing me so I’ve had to take a half step back.) I've had several ideas planned for these in between weeks. As always, I’d love to hear your ideas and requests. I have several things that I’m going to be trying so let me know what you think – like or don’t like. 

 One side note, we've had several conversations this week with several of my listeners about what they would like to hear in the show and what would interest them. There is a Strangers You Know Community on Facebook. It is a private group, but it is open to everyone. So if you're interested, join and we will add to the list. In that community. We have conversations with past guests. We talk about ideas and concepts that came up in interviews. And I encourage my listeners to share their thoughts. 

 So please join the conversation there and let us know what you want to hear, what you liked, and interact as many of my former guests usually jump into the conversation. We're talking about adding a live event as one of these off episodes. Where you can call in and ask me questions or you can call in and ask and talk to a guest where we'll have updates from past guests on what's been going on since their interview or how they felt about that conversation. 

 I'm trying to grow this into a community where we can all get to know one another. Because, while we do spend a considerable amount of time in conversations with these strangers every week. I want that idea of the stranger to include each of you. And I would love to hear what you say and your comments and thoughts. And I would be very grateful if you could share those on the Facebook community with others and start the conversation there.

 I'm going to have to get a little vulnerable and share a little bit more about me. I've had several listeners reach out and say they want to hear my story, so that’s something that’s in the works, but it’s not today. 

 Today I wanted to share a couple of thoughts about… well, “nothing”, I guess.

 About ten months ago, I went to lunch with a friend and she recommended a book that has made a big difference in helping me sort things out on my journey. The book is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. 

 It’s designed to help individuals discover their creativity and silence their inner critic. 

 I've always had a very loud inner critic. And for most of my life, I've not only allowed my inner critic to sit in the front, but I've actually allowed it to commandeer the driver's seat for almost everything. 

 I am constantly on the go. I constantly have things to do. I'm always worried about the next thing. Tasks, and check-lists. What’’s accepted, expected. What’s allowed.

 Not focusing at all on. The moment. On me. I'm just being. 

 One of the exercises this book recommends is to write morning pages - about three pages of just quick thoughts off the top of your head. And the idea is that if you write fast from the top of your head, your inner critic doesn't have a chance to interrupt. It just has to shut up and let you go. 

I know that word is misspelled. I know nobody can read my handwriting. I know I'm just blabbering about nothing. I'm going to keep writing anyway. And. The inner critic is forced to take a backseat. Sometimes, I can even force my inner critic to take a brief nap, or get out of the car altogether…for brief periods of time.

 Well, recently. I've been reviewing some of those writings. Trying to go back and identify things that I've learned about myself. And one of those things is nothing. In one earlier rant of filling a page with words. I realized I was afraid. Just forcing myself to keep writing because the second my hand slowed down, my inner critic would jump in, thinking it was his turn to drive the bus. And, in order to just keep my hand moving and my ideas flowing. I wrote down the idea that said I should allow for nothing to take control, give nothing the room, the space, the microphone, and let nothing be your entire agenda. Your reason for being just to sit with nothing. Looking back on this, it's interesting that I used the analogy of taking the microphone because I wrote this before months before I even started thinking about doing a podcast. 

 This idea of nothing was brand new to me. 

My entire life, I was either pushing forward to what was next, focusing on the task at hand and all of the details involved in that. Or, vegging. Just turning off completely. And. Not being. 

 I always had to be doing something. Even when I was doing nothing, I was reading, I was watching TV. I felt like I had to be doing something all the time, even if it was just watching TV, which is in many cases is just nothing. But it's the only way I could stop from doing something was to be reading a book or be going on a hike. Be watching a show. 

 The idea of just sitting in silence. Doing literally nothing. It never occurred to me. Never. 

 There's almost this fear of stopping. I’ll read this next part from my journal that said. I feel anxious writing this. Rushed, as if I only have three pages - as if the second my cramping hand stops moving across the page, a giant monster with clawed hands, red maniac eyes and muddy feet will burst into the room, demanding unbridled attention, or delivering pain, humiliation, or death. 

 Then I tell myself to surrender the death grip on the pen and take a breath. Just a single breath. Listen to the crickets. Then focus on the silence between the chirps. It's not a race, certainly not a sprint with nothing to finish, no timeline. A walk. Just sit down, observe and just be. Accept. See, feel, smell and taste, experience what is. Not what needs to be, or should be. There is no should. 

This requires no effort. This is. All by itself. It requires none of your thoughts. No energy from you or from others. No energy from you other than to allow it to be what it already is… or is not. Another breath. Let go. Enjoy the silence between the notes. The space between. 

Allow for nothing to take control. Give nothing the room - the space -  the microphone. Let nothing be your entire agenda. Your reason for being. Just sit with nothing. Contemplate nothing. Let nothing drive your thoughts, the conversation, the timeline. Enjoy the expanse and the gift of nothing. Breathe in nothing. Let nothing drive. Feel nothing. See nothing. Taste nothing. Hear nothing. Smell nothing. Be nothing. 

 Nothing is a precious gift valued above everything and much cheaper and in abundant supply. It surrounds us, has no judgment or expectations. Accept nothing. Allow nothing. Seek for nothing. Be nothing. Allow it to comfort you - to be your friend. A frequent companion. Let nothing solve your problems. Then remember nothing as you consciously choose to allow one something in at a time. 

 The feel of the grass beneath you. The sound of a single song of an unseen bird. The smell of the pine trees. A warm memory of a lover's caress. A long forgotten secret, an important promise, a special memory… that day in Malta.

 Then allow for a single, focused, positive emotion. Hope. Peace. Joy. Take hope's hand and eyes closed, allow it to lead you forward through the next minute. Listen and repeat hope’s affirmation. Give hope another minute. An hour. Then listen for Hope's whispering. The lead you. To lead you through the rest of your day, week, month, your life. And remember, it all started with nothing. 

 So that's my thought for today. Thank you for listening. Next week's episode will be with Marie. And then you'll hear more from me the week after that. On something.