Understanding Myself - Finding My Voice

Understanding Self - Finding Your  Voice

I’ve always loved learning - going to school, getting a new book, taking an interesting course. I love to immerse myself in something new and I’ve gone deep on more side interests than I can remember. Computers, photography, hockey, board games, coaching, leadership, officiating, non-profits, lacrosse, education, acrylic pours, entrepreneurship, hiking, writing, and podcasts. 

It keeps me busy. Sometimes I think I keep myself busy because I don’t want to spend time with myself. But that’s not entirely true. I like being alone, but I need to be alone doing something. Hiking, camping, reading, writing, watching movies, anything but just sitting in the calm void of nothing. Just me… with me.

This is something that I’ve always felt was a little off about me, but I’ve never really considered why or how to address it until I started deconstructing things. Then that thing also became fair game.

I still don’t do it much, and I don’t do it well, but at least I’m trying and I’m more purposeful about it. I bring this up because one of the new topics that I’ve started to study in the past few years has been the completely untouched subject of “me.”

That sounds a little strange when I say it because I would think that of all topics, that would be one where I would be an expert. As it turns out, I am a relatively unknown topic. Anything that does exist would be anemic, dusty. Brief, hand-written notes, or observances scribbled in margins. Probably buried in a cardboard box forgotten in storage.

One topic that I am just barely scratching the surface on is why I am so enthusiastic about every other topic on the planet, but feel that getting to know myself is boring, pointless, or unnecessary. There’s a lot going on with that one, and to be honest, it kind of scares the hell out of me. I’ll keep taking baby steps towards that one and I’m sure it will pop up here from time to time.

But the topic I wanted to talk about today was (and yes, I realize I am the master of deflection when it comes to drawing attention away from the parts of me I don’t want to talk about). Mention any of the earlier topics where I think I know a lot, and I’ll be the expert. We can talk all day, but the dark, scary monster that lives in the obscure dungeon, well, let’s just say there are reasons why me and castles both have thick walls and moats.

So the topic I am ready to talk about today is my new set of scriptures. I posted a reel earlier this week on Instagram that gave a glimpse into the Book of Meg. The conversations that I am so fortunate to have with many of my amazing guests have helped me not only learn a lot about the person, but gives a glimpse of how their mind works. So many of their comments strike a chord that just resonates so deeply that I felt it had always been there… sitting in the dark, just waiting to be played. Its beautiful, harmonious, and liberating all at the same time.

On occasion, I’ll make a little note to myself during an interview, but more likely, when I am reviewing the transcript, I notice the same chord being played again and it brings back the same feeling and connection I had during the live conversation.

I love these moments so much. They mean a great deal to me. In the past I occasionally experienced something like this when I was reading my scriptures. But now, I have this wonderful moment when I feel deeply connected to a shared thought, experience, or feeling of another human being. 

I actually highlight these moments in the transcripts. Underlining key words, making notes in the margins. Sometimes they are specific notes like, “why did you interrupt this?” or other critical thoughts. Sometimes it is a specific phrase that I’ve never thought of but immediately rings as true to my life as theirs. Like when I asked Ari about shame and guilt and she said, “Oh, gosh, guilt and shame. That’s just the story of my life. The church’s way of turning the issue back onto you.”

There are many revelations that I probably wouldn’t have considered. Insights into life, relationships, happiness. There are also major pitfalls, trapdoors, bad habits that I absolutely identify with and am trying to break. 

Some issues are mentioned only briefly in passing but have bright orange marker highlighting in a way I can never miss again. Other concepts, like authenticity, intersectionality, and overcoming trauma, become the topic of conversation that we get to explore together and learn how each other has tried to apply it in our lives.

I have written the phrase, “I need to think about this,” and “self-reflection,” so many times that I now just use the shorthand “b,” for Brian, to highlight something I need to meditate on or journal about later. And I’ve got years-worth of material I am falling behind on.

There are two reasons I’m saying all this. One, the podcast is largely based on the idea that spending time with complete strangers and hearing their stories is eye-opening, hopeful, and magical. Our assumptions about other people are almost entirely wrong. It is a beautiful, humanizing experience to be able to share stories, thoughts, beliefs, values, and experiences with others. In today’s busy lives, deep, personal, human connection is rare. It is also very grounding, heartbreaking, inspiring, insightful, emotional, and wonderful.

The second point I want to make is that I have witnessed so much catharsis, learning, healing, and growing. Sharing their stories has helped many find their voice. That is such an inspiring, and powerful thought that it bears repeating. Sharing their stories has helped many find their voice.

I’ve got many decades to unpack, unravel, and understand. And I plan to follow the brave example of my guests moving forward. But for now, I wanted to express my sincere gratitude and my love for Jaxon, Neil, Ari, Amanda, Keegan, Charlie, Chino, DeLaney, Meg, Aliyah, Kseniya, Jed, Meg, Hardy, Kauri, Pierre, Keyan, Liz, Mark, Silence, Lance, and Marie. 

You finding your voice has allowed me to begin finding my own. Your ability to understand and share your life has been a tremendous gift. And I can’t thank you enough for being honest, vulnerable, and brave in sharing yourself with others.

I’d like to remind you that we have a Strangers You Know Community on Facebook where listeners are invited to join in the conversation with me and many of past guests. We talk about past episodes, get to know each other a little better, and share new stories. This week, we’re talking about everyone’s most impactful takeaway and which episode spoke to them the most. We’d love to have you join us.

Also, I’ve got some amazing guests planned for the upcoming months. I hope you’ll continue supporting the show by sharing with others. It makes a huge difference if you like and share my social media or invite someone you know to listen or subscribe. There is also a Patreon account for those of you who would like to contribute financial support for the show.