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June 28, 2024

Coach Profile: Rachel Mitlo

Coach Profile: Rachel Mitlo
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Rachel Mitlow's journey from a non-athlete to finding strength and confidence through CrossFit is nothing short of inspiring. Encouraged by her husband Jay after the birth of their third child, Rachel's story transforms from initial intimidation to a deep love for the empowering, supportive community of CrossFit Pittsburgh. Together, Rachel and Jay reflect on how CrossFit prioritizes strength over size and how the camaraderie within the gym has propelled her continuous progress and personal growth.

Rachel and Jay also delve into thought-provoking comparisons between church communities and CrossFit, emphasizing inclusivity and the shared journey of self-improvement. They address common misconceptions, highlighting how CrossFit's original mission was to provide universal fitness, not just for elite athletes. Personal anecdotes offer a nostalgic look at the early days of CrossFit, coaching volleyball teams, and enduring memorable, and sometimes hilarious, experiences that underscore the importance of community spirit and collective effort.

In the latter part of the episode, Rachel and Jay open up about the poignant process of writing a book following the devastating loss of their son, Trey. The motivation to compile impactful Facebook messages evolved into a structured guide aimed at helping other parents navigate similar battles. Their heartfelt stories of grief, faith, and resilience emphasize the power of empathy and genuine support, making this episode a powerful testament to the enduring bonds and solidarity that define their community.

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Chapters

00:01 - CrossFit Journey

07:41 - Return to Broad-Based Universal Fitness

14:20 - Unexpected Bonds Through CrossFit

23:52 - Community Bonds Through Shared Experiences

36:11 - Standing Strong

41:30 - Learning Respect and Emotional Battles

55:17 - Powerful Bonds and Friendship Journey

01:00:24 - Journey of Friendship and Fitness

01:10:28 - Honor and Resilience Through Tragedy

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:01.403 --> 00:00:06.993
All right, we're here today and this is a long, long time in coming.

00:00:06.993 --> 00:00:21.461
We've got our dear friends Rachel and Jay Mitlow here with us today, and I'm not even going to go any further, because the origin story here is one of my favorite CrossFit Pittsburgh stories of all time, also with us.

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If you kick out one of those nobles there, babe, your foot, there we go.

00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:31.605
My wife, she's, uh, she's monitoring things, um, off camera.

00:00:31.765 --> 00:00:36.554
So anyway, she's gonna keep us in line this is actually.

00:00:36.594 --> 00:00:39.906
It's it's more your, your and jay's uh intro story here.

00:00:39.926 --> 00:01:01.704
So if you would, please could you tell us how this whole thing started so rachel was not necessarily what you would call an athlete growing up and in high school Played softball but wasn't really an athlete and had gone to the gym a couple times and just gyms, and then, after our second, Third, do you want me to tell it?

00:01:01.884 --> 00:01:05.424
Sure, okay, so let's go back in time.

00:01:05.424 --> 00:01:07.569
It was 2008.

00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:17.887
We'd had our third baby and a dear friend of mine had asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, and so I knew, all right, I have about nine months.

00:01:17.887 --> 00:01:19.612
I got to get him.

00:01:19.612 --> 00:01:25.710
Yeah, I got that one right Need to get back in shape and our YMCA had just closed.

00:01:25.710 --> 00:01:31.691
No, whatever, anyway, needed to work out, didn't know what to do, didn't know where to start.

00:01:31.691 --> 00:01:34.795
And Jay says well, you know, there's a CrossFit gym down in Verona.

00:01:34.795 --> 00:01:36.266
And I said what is CrossFit?

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Because he was following UFC and a lot of the fighters were doing.

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CrossFit.

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And so I looked it up, I doing CrossFit.

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And so I looked it up, I'm like, oh, I can't, I can't do that.

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Like there's no way, like no, absolutely not.

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And he goes.

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Well, I already made an appointment for you to meet with Jen and Mike.

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And I was like what?

00:01:52.686 --> 00:01:55.921
He's like, yeah, we're going tomorrow morning, so go find your shoes.

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And I was like, uh, okay, and so I, you know, I said to her I don't want you to go to the y and do the the legs out, legs in and then go stand on the treadmill and it's just it's not gonna work.

00:02:07.986 --> 00:02:18.123
I knew the cross training was the way to go and so I stopped down at your location in in verona and I wandered in and met jen and saw some of the ladies there and I forget.

00:02:18.123 --> 00:02:18.966
I always tell the story.

00:02:18.966 --> 00:02:23.789
The one lady was like 65 years old who carried her little notebook yeah and and I.

00:02:23.789 --> 00:02:30.280
Oh, it was that time or later where she was so excited because she was able to carry her five-year-old grandson through the airport.

00:02:30.765 --> 00:02:31.739
I remember that, yeah.

00:02:32.121 --> 00:02:37.900
And so you know, I told Rachel and we went down and you can probably take it from there.

00:02:38.759 --> 00:02:48.709
So I met you guys came in, did like the CrossFit on-ramp type workout thing and was like I can't squat, I can't do anything.

00:02:48.709 --> 00:02:55.348
And then I went home and I think I cried a little bit and Jay was like, well, you have to go back.

00:02:55.348 --> 00:02:56.765
I was Jen's going to think you're a quitter.

00:02:56.765 --> 00:02:57.806
And I'm like.

00:02:57.947 --> 00:03:00.766
I'm not a quitter, I'm just out of shape.

00:03:00.766 --> 00:03:02.022
And he's like, well, then, you have to go back.

00:03:02.022 --> 00:03:03.687
And I's like, well then, you have to go back.

00:03:03.687 --> 00:03:04.729
And I'm like, okay, fine.

00:03:04.729 --> 00:03:06.655
And so I went back and got hooked.

00:03:06.655 --> 00:03:13.824
I mean, it really was like a really immediate like oh, okay, I can do this.

00:03:13.824 --> 00:03:16.945
It is working, you know.

00:03:17.227 --> 00:03:18.991
How was it different than if I may take your role?

00:03:18.991 --> 00:03:20.864
How was it different than your expectations?

00:03:22.527 --> 00:03:26.644
well, I didn't have any expectations because I didn't think I could do anything, but it just.

00:03:26.644 --> 00:03:47.974
It felt really cool to get on a barbell, like I'd never touched a barbell before, I didn't know, or like a pull-up bar or anything, and just to be surrounded by other people that have the same goal and the you know same attitude, like okay, I can't do this yet, and how do you work towards that?

00:03:47.974 --> 00:03:49.943
And you know that progression.

00:03:49.943 --> 00:03:56.104
And then you know very quickly being able to do kipping pull-ups or you know deadlifting.

00:03:56.145 --> 00:04:00.375
You know, when I got to like 95 pounds I was like, oh yay, I did it, you know.

00:04:00.375 --> 00:04:03.504
And now maybe over 200, I don't know.

00:04:03.504 --> 00:04:24.646
But but to see that progression and actual results and I think feeling strong supersedes being skinny and that's sort of the trend now, like I'm never going to be a size zero again, that's fine, but I'm strong and I can do things.

00:04:28.540 --> 00:04:29.423
And that's much more powerful.

00:04:29.444 --> 00:04:29.964
That's such a great line.

00:04:29.964 --> 00:04:32.173
I'm strong and I can do things, and that's much more powerful, I'm strong and I can do things.

00:04:32.192 --> 00:04:35.603
Yeah, right that's much more powerful than a t-shirt that's why jim the scribe is off camera.

00:04:36.985 --> 00:04:47.673
But you know, I I love that because, uh, lately, one of the things that we've we've been able to do was, um, and I wanted to do this and I just came to maybe like two birds with one stone almost.

00:04:47.673 --> 00:04:57.129
I wanted to do a profile on all of our coaches, you know, to kind of like, hey, what brought you to CrossFit in the first place, what brought you to CrossFit Pittsburgh, and so forth, you know.

00:04:57.129 --> 00:05:09.399
So, byron and I, our schedule was linked up and it was really neat, you know, getting his perspective, because what's fascinating, just like now, is you know how long, how long have you been a member of our community?

00:05:09.399 --> 00:05:10.482
How long have we known each other?

00:05:10.482 --> 00:05:14.471
But the, the intricacies that you didn't really like.

00:05:14.752 --> 00:05:21.440
That to me ties back, and I, I mentioned this with byron, I mentioned this with blake, um, chris nolan, when he was with us.

00:05:21.440 --> 00:05:46.353
One of the things that he said to me that I was really I don't I wouldn't want to say blindsided, because that sounds negative but I he said, you know, one of the things I really love about you guys, I was like I can't imagine, like what's what's happening right now, you know.

00:05:46.353 --> 00:05:49.822
And he said, you know, and this was when social media was probably in it's like maybe not it's infancy, but it's toddler period, he said, when you post photographs, and this honest to God never crossed my mind, not intentional.

00:05:49.884 --> 00:06:01.947
He's like, when you post photographs, you post photographs of everyone, all of us, and I was like, and in that instant I was like, oh Lord, like, should I have asked, should we have a waiver?

00:06:01.947 --> 00:06:05.567
Like I didn't think, and before I could even form a question, he went.

00:06:05.567 --> 00:06:06.750
I mean, I think that's great.

00:06:06.750 --> 00:06:18.711
He's like, you know, when you look at a lot of the other websites, he's like it's the pretty people, it's the fit people, and I'm like, well, you know, I mean, they're out there, right.

00:06:18.940 --> 00:06:24.072
But I think too, to me, the essence of CrossFit was this is all inclusive.

00:06:24.072 --> 00:06:32.576
To me, the essence of CrossFit was this is all inclusive, like this works for everybody, it works for anybody, and so, really, for me, it's so much fun hearing individual, you know.

00:06:32.576 --> 00:06:50.194
And, and what was funny too was like I remember that part of the story better than anything, when you talk to Jen and you're like, hey, and I for some reason I thought it was a class reunion, not a wedding, but I was like, hey, it's on the calendar, I want to be, I want to be prepared, I want to be in better shape than I am right now today, you know.

00:06:50.480 --> 00:07:09.487
So that was just that's what was one of my favorite parts of that story well, and going back to social media, I think that that's partially why CrossFit can seem intimidating, because when you google it, you only find like crossfit games athletes right and what they're doing and there's like I can't do that.

00:07:09.487 --> 00:07:10.730
I'm never going to be able to do that.

00:07:10.730 --> 00:07:14.529
But that's not what the body of crossfit is.

00:07:14.529 --> 00:07:26.173
I'm sure if you go into any affiliate, it's going to be average people just wanting to do better and get stronger and move forward, and you know.

00:07:26.375 --> 00:07:40.946
So that's what crossfit is is accessible to everybody well, I think there's an interesting parallel between our professions because people can say oh, like you only show the pretty people across it, except you don't what's your profession?

00:07:41.045 --> 00:07:50.783
oh, I'm the pastor of a church of a very non-traditional church, if you will, um, but like people will say like, oh, church is full of hypocrites, you know they're, there's a bunch of sinners and everything else.

00:07:50.783 --> 00:07:53.389
And you can say, like in church, yeah, but what?

00:07:53.389 --> 00:07:56.906
Look at you know, does crossfit not work because there's out of shape people there.

00:07:56.906 --> 00:08:04.713
Right, we're here for the out of shape people exactly right I'm, you know I'm a pastor to help the jackasses and have them be a little less jackassy.

00:08:04.713 --> 00:08:06.680
Exactly, and have them be a little more loving.

00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:08.406
So yeah, did he hurt your feelings?

00:08:08.406 --> 00:08:11.795
Probably he's not a very nice person, but at least he's working on it.

00:08:11.795 --> 00:08:14.547
I may not be an elite athlete, but I'm working.

00:08:15.007 --> 00:08:15.389
That's right.

00:08:15.911 --> 00:08:16.331
That's right?

00:08:16.331 --> 00:08:18.444
Yeah, for sure.

00:08:18.444 --> 00:08:31.069
And I think too and this was very, very interesting I remember when this happened, before ownership of CrossFit changed over, there was a strong movement, If you recall that.

00:08:31.069 --> 00:08:33.880
And I remember his exact words, greg.

00:08:33.880 --> 00:08:40.630
I guess someone questioned him about the future of the CrossFit games and he said no, look, the games are not going anywhere.

00:08:40.630 --> 00:08:43.102
They'll, they'll always be here, they'll continue.

00:08:43.102 --> 00:08:44.553
And he said but I think you know and I'm paraphrasing, they'll continue.

00:08:44.553 --> 00:08:48.091
And he said but I think you know, and I'm paraphrasing this part, he's like I think you might be missing my point.

00:08:48.091 --> 00:09:01.412
It's not that we're not having the games anymore, I just think it's time that we return crossfit to its beginning, when it was, you know, broad-based universal fitness for everyone.

00:09:01.412 --> 00:09:06.822
He said I never intended, I mean, the crossfit competitions were always a fun part of it.

00:09:06.822 --> 00:09:22.505
But he said, you know, basically, in his, in his wildest imagination, he never thought how big the games would get and at the risk of maybe pulling away from, hey, this is for everyone, you know, not just the elite athletes.

00:09:22.505 --> 00:09:27.432
But I don't, you know, I never thought why can you not do both?

00:09:27.432 --> 00:09:28.894
Sure, right, why can you not?

00:09:28.894 --> 00:09:35.089
I mean, there are some, excuse me, I think the games now attract, you know, world-class athletes.

00:09:35.089 --> 00:09:38.586
Right, their fitness is their sport, you know.

00:09:38.586 --> 00:09:44.923
But that doesn't mean that and I guess from a marketing advertising point of view, you're exactly right.

00:09:44.923 --> 00:09:45.788
It is a challenge.

00:09:46.179 --> 00:09:48.067
I was equated to the Gold's Gym logo.

00:09:48.067 --> 00:09:51.950
Right, you take a Gold's Gym franchise and you put it on like everyday fitness.

00:09:51.950 --> 00:09:56.864
I remember there's a place right in Harmerville, I think it's Alexander's.

00:09:56.864 --> 00:10:11.107
For a minute, back in the 80s, 90s they were a Gold's Gym affiliate and from one of the managers, like, it was the worst business period of our entire existence because it was just off-putting.

00:10:11.107 --> 00:10:14.129
You know, regular people would be like, oh no, that's a gold, that's for.

00:10:14.129 --> 00:10:14.630
Look at the sign.

00:10:14.630 --> 00:10:17.105
You know it was a big, bald muscle guy.

00:10:17.105 --> 00:10:18.865
You know bending a barbell or something.

00:10:18.865 --> 00:10:20.389
Right, I mean, that's, that's not for me.

00:10:20.389 --> 00:10:22.504
You know forging elite fitness.

00:10:22.504 --> 00:10:25.855
You know what I?

00:10:25.875 --> 00:10:31.250
wish you had your own microphone, I would turn it off logo would be would be like two people on a chin-up bar.

00:10:31.250 --> 00:10:31.993
One is a ripped.

00:10:31.993 --> 00:10:37.764
You know crossfit athlete, you know there's like a grandmother with a band around her foot and it's like this is us right.

00:10:37.903 --> 00:10:53.413
Yeah right and then, like two others, cheering her on or something you know when the theory of crossfit is you, when you question what does fit mean and how CrossFit touches on all aspects of that spectrum.

00:10:53.413 --> 00:11:05.552
You know when you look at somebody who only runs marathons but can't carry their luggage through the airport, is that fit Exactly Versus somebody that can deadlift 500 pounds but gets winded walking up is that fit?

00:11:05.591 --> 00:11:20.707
right no you need to touch on all of that and I feel like in my job I work as a paraprofessional at a school and we're constantly like I use crossfit movements all day, every day.

00:11:20.707 --> 00:11:25.735
Right, right, like it it does translate to functional fitness, right?

00:11:25.735 --> 00:11:27.077
Yeah?

00:11:27.238 --> 00:11:31.371
exactly, exactly and that's, I think, that's you know, 19 years later.

00:11:31.371 --> 00:11:36.730
That's why we're still doing it, because it is it's been a great trip, you know it's been a great trip.

00:11:36.730 --> 00:11:43.706
So, and and the one thing I remember from the story that I always loved was didn't, didn't you say?

00:11:43.706 --> 00:11:49.095
One of you said to Jen now, once this event takes place, you probably won't see her again.

00:11:49.696 --> 00:11:53.605
I didn't say that, yeah, I don't remember that maybe it could have.

00:11:53.625 --> 00:12:04.929
Well, it could have been one of the voices in my head but, no, because I mean it was within, I would say, three weeks, you were in oh yeah, Like you weren't stopping Right.

00:12:05.770 --> 00:12:07.552
Yeah, and that was it.

00:12:07.552 --> 00:12:15.304
Like within three weeks you start to see your posture is a little bit better, your stance, like clothes are fitting better.

00:12:15.304 --> 00:12:17.048
It was doing what it was supposed to do, Right.

00:12:17.089 --> 00:12:17.470
So I was in.

00:12:17.470 --> 00:12:20.841
Right, and how long ago was that?

00:12:20.860 --> 00:12:22.202
2008.

00:12:22.602 --> 00:12:23.283
2008.

00:12:23.283 --> 00:12:25.285
Mm-hmm, that's a while.

00:12:25.546 --> 00:12:29.350
Yeah, so it was only three years into you guys having it that we did that yeah.

00:12:29.711 --> 00:12:31.952
Because I was what I had just turned 18.

00:12:31.952 --> 00:12:33.774
Oh right, I think.

00:12:34.375 --> 00:12:35.437
Well, and you were not.

00:12:36.158 --> 00:12:37.259
I was not there most of the time.

00:12:37.278 --> 00:12:42.687
We were not there most of the time, so we would all bring all of our children and lock them in a room.

00:12:42.687 --> 00:12:43.649
We didn't really, we didn't.

00:12:43.669 --> 00:12:45.592
They were well cared for.

00:12:45.592 --> 00:12:49.269
Hey, listen though, that was a neat room.

00:12:49.940 --> 00:12:52.009
It was the beginning of Alex's babysitting career.

00:12:52.009 --> 00:12:53.905
She was in charge of all the children.

00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:57.169
Just so anybody watching doesn't think anything.

00:12:57.169 --> 00:13:03.788
It was a waiting room in what used to be an automotive garage that was secure from all sides.

00:13:03.788 --> 00:13:11.865
You could get into it from the gym space right, but that was the only room in the building that was climate controlled Instead of the high ceilings.

00:13:11.865 --> 00:13:13.129
You could not.

00:13:13.129 --> 00:13:14.647
You could not get in from the outside.

00:13:14.647 --> 00:13:19.648
You had to come through the gym to get in there and clean private bathroom.

00:13:19.648 --> 00:13:22.369
We laid it out like a TV room.

00:13:22.369 --> 00:13:26.528
Hey, we took a nice leather sofa from home.

00:13:26.528 --> 00:13:29.985
Yeah, Blues clues, All the videos and all that.

00:13:29.985 --> 00:13:30.846
Never lost a kid.

00:13:30.846 --> 00:13:31.971
Never lost a kid.

00:13:32.681 --> 00:13:34.048
They were all well accounted for.

00:13:34.087 --> 00:13:34.470
They were.

00:13:34.490 --> 00:13:35.777
We never left the gym, it was fine.

00:13:37.644 --> 00:13:43.412
Except for Michael, and that's when he entered upon a brief phase in his life where I would call the ass-biting stage.

00:13:43.412 --> 00:13:46.423
He did bite my bum, he did, he did.

00:13:46.703 --> 00:13:48.144
He was a child at the time.

00:13:48.205 --> 00:13:50.467
Right, yes, it wasn't recently.

00:13:50.467 --> 00:13:52.910
The first, no, god, no, he was a toddler.

00:13:52.910 --> 00:13:54.272
He was like maybe two, three.

00:13:54.272 --> 00:13:56.433
Well, they started in 2008.

00:13:56.433 --> 00:13:57.995
He was three, he was three.

00:13:57.995 --> 00:14:00.142
Yeah, Well, crazy.

00:14:00.202 --> 00:14:12.365
But yeah, I remember the first time he did that, the first time he did that, jennifer and I were standing, unfortunately Within, swinging distance of one another and we're watching the class workout.

00:14:12.365 --> 00:14:20.149
I will never forget the movement was overhead squats, and it was a young girl Kelly I think her name was, and she's got the barbell overhead right.

00:14:20.149 --> 00:14:36.625
He came out like Like lightning, I mean, just in the door into the room, he just went, he runs and and he the kids did know like hey, if you want to come out and say hi, stay out of the middle, stay away, don't get it, okay.

00:14:36.625 --> 00:14:43.764
Okay, he runs out, runs behind us, says hi and as he's about to turn and go back, he crosses her path.

00:14:43.764 --> 00:14:52.501
I don't know what catches his eye, but he stops, stops right behind her, grabs her butt, bites it and runs off.

00:14:52.501 --> 00:15:00.719
But as he, as he disengages, he goes delicious and he runs off.

00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:07.039
At that moment I'm like, oh right, like from off-camera, I get smacked.

00:15:07.039 --> 00:15:09.644
I don't laugh, I gasp.

00:15:09.644 --> 00:15:23.432
I'm like, oh, I'm like, what are you hitting me, for you know, yes, that's.

00:15:23.432 --> 00:15:29.522
Let's hope he's not a closet biter, but um, so yeah, 2008, that was uh, that was wild.

00:15:29.522 --> 00:15:32.609
Yeah, so much, so much uh history between then.

00:15:32.609 --> 00:15:35.702
And then you got your l1 well let's skip some.

00:15:35.743 --> 00:15:42.134
So jay, then after rachel started, please then jay so what was great?

00:15:42.215 --> 00:15:48.244
even though I never did and still have not done crossfit, I have much different functional fitness.

00:15:48.244 --> 00:15:49.589
I appreciate it.

00:15:49.589 --> 00:16:15.192
And so I was head coach of a girls volleyball team in penthills and we would always run conditioning and I always kind of felt like we're not really equipped for this, like because I'm a coach, because I know the x's and the o's doesn't mean I know how to physically develop so I would take a lot of what she was doing, and then I went wait a minute, so you actually came out for one season to a church that I knew and then we came.

00:16:15.232 --> 00:16:16.995
The next season Is that the way it worked out.

00:16:17.341 --> 00:16:19.360
I actually think we started out of the gym, or was that all in the same season?

00:16:19.740 --> 00:16:21.542
No, I think we started out of the gym, or did we go the other direction?

00:16:21.542 --> 00:16:22.283
Yeah, or we go the other direction.

00:16:22.683 --> 00:16:29.152
But I had Jen train my volleyball team because and I have to preface this it was an elite team.

00:16:29.152 --> 00:16:32.655
It was the best team I ever had and I've never had a team like that since.

00:16:32.655 --> 00:16:42.150
I mean some of the teams I've had since then you would have killed all of them.

00:16:42.150 --> 00:16:43.573
But there are some.

00:16:43.573 --> 00:16:45.799
Like, if you remember, there were two Kayleys on my team.

00:16:45.799 --> 00:16:50.905
I mean Corey, you obviously remember, who became an elite athlete and still is.

00:16:50.905 --> 00:16:52.009
Actually she's playing professional volleyball now.

00:16:52.009 --> 00:16:52.331
Um, but one girl.

00:16:52.331 --> 00:17:01.123
There was two Kayleys, and so the second one I called K2, because you can't have two Kayleys, and since high school she's been in like demolition derbies and like on the side of her car is K2.

00:17:01.845 --> 00:17:10.411
She's had a couple of kids couple kids and she actually mentioned recently I think she tagged you guys that she started doing CrossFit back then and that's began her career.

00:17:10.731 --> 00:17:10.992
Wow.

00:17:11.761 --> 00:17:13.662
And it was so much fun watching them work out.

00:17:15.003 --> 00:17:17.628
I'm pretty sure we did it for at least two summers.

00:17:17.769 --> 00:17:23.106
Right, maybe you moved by the second summer and so you came to us.

00:17:23.188 --> 00:17:28.150
yeah, you went to washington exactly that might be why I couldn't think why we would have.

00:17:28.150 --> 00:17:40.904
So that that makes sense right but I'll never forget the one time I'm close enough to the microphone please um, one of the girls she was complaining about she might be sick and she had.

00:17:40.904 --> 00:17:46.153
She told us she had fruit loops right before she came in exactly.

00:17:46.153 --> 00:17:51.606
And so jay, so casual as always, was like go throw up, and here's a stick of gum.

00:17:52.327 --> 00:18:04.380
I was like rock on, let's roll we're working out and we're just dying on the floor and I'm like I can't do it, I'm gonna throw up.

00:18:04.380 --> 00:18:14.125
And you're like, if you can talk yeah, you're not gonna throw up, keep moving, and you've never thrown up while working out no, I have more.

00:18:14.125 --> 00:18:16.348
No, I'm gonna stop before that.

00:18:19.182 --> 00:18:35.405
Cleaned up after people, but no, I'm gonna stop before it happens, I'm not that dedicated well, you know, I I mean sometimes it's it's not to be graphic or stupid or anything, but sometimes I think that's one of those responses that you might have already.

00:18:35.405 --> 00:18:39.260
You might have already reached a point where you're going to throw up.

00:18:39.260 --> 00:18:40.804
You just haven't gotten there yet.

00:18:40.804 --> 00:18:43.347
So even if you slow down, stop, what have you?

00:18:43.347 --> 00:18:44.229
The damage is done.

00:18:44.229 --> 00:18:56.760
But one of the things I remember from Washington Boulevard was there was in in one of the bathrooms there was a closet and in that closet was a utility sink.

00:18:56.760 --> 00:19:00.207
Now in the bathroom itself was a commode and a sink.

00:19:00.207 --> 00:19:05.704
Some rocket scientist and it was one of the college kids.

00:19:06.026 --> 00:19:19.733
Uh, I remember he would come in, he would train probably hungover or like not eating, you know, sensibly before a workout more than once, and this jabroni would throw up in the stationary sink.

00:19:19.733 --> 00:19:38.781
That then the um in the closet, yeah, and every blessed time I'm like, oh, god, god, this is like how in the world were you raised by wolves and not clean it up, right, right, like basically run water and leave it, and I'm like, cause, that'll help, that'll help.

00:19:38.781 --> 00:19:45.087
Oh, and I remember like the second time I cleaned it and I'm more, and I know my beautiful wife will attest to this.

00:19:45.087 --> 00:19:49.924
I've seen some things that people shouldn't see and I was okay with that.

00:19:49.924 --> 00:19:54.872
I'm not okay with it, but you know, that is one of my buttons.

00:19:54.872 --> 00:20:02.791
So as I'm trying to clean it up, I'm going and now I'm making myself sick.

00:20:02.791 --> 00:20:04.907
I'm like this is terrible.

00:20:04.907 --> 00:20:06.680
So yeah, let's not go down that road again.

00:20:06.700 --> 00:20:08.005
I brought a girl with me one time.

00:20:08.005 --> 00:20:16.333
She wanted to try it, so I brought her with me to a class and she had taken a bunch of what do you call them thermogenics beforehand.

00:20:16.333 --> 00:20:18.406
That raise your internal temperature.

00:20:18.406 --> 00:20:20.587
And she's like, no, I work out, I'll be able to handle it.

00:20:20.587 --> 00:20:25.962
And I'm like, okay, well, stop.

00:20:25.962 --> 00:20:26.685
If you need to, let's rest.

00:20:26.685 --> 00:20:27.448
And she was like, no, I can do it.

00:20:27.468 --> 00:20:41.148
Nope, about halfway through she runs to the bathroom and, like it was a bad combination, she never came back, but it's fine, it's fine, but I think one of the hidden benefits for you, if I may be so bold to say, was the fact that it gave you a whole new world.

00:20:41.148 --> 00:20:42.612
You know you have.

00:20:42.612 --> 00:20:51.176
We all have our different tribes or whatever else we roll with, but then, all of a sudden, here you are and hanging out with people that you'd never hung out with before.

00:20:51.760 --> 00:21:27.983
I mean like getting to know Byron and what, and different ladies, and you know it was just such an amazing community for you to have a different, not a new identity, but a different facet to your own identity yeah that is, and I think I think sometimes CrossFit is one of those places that and not and it's certainly again not in a negative way but you know, two people at a grocery store or you know, wouldn't even strike up a conversation like I'm looking at something and and you know you're not gonna do, hey, looking for something, try one of these.

00:21:27.983 --> 00:21:34.143
You know, I think CrossFit is one of those places that forms the most Unusual friendships.

00:21:34.143 --> 00:21:39.094
That might not happen somewhere else because your paths wouldn't cross, you know.

00:21:40.362 --> 00:21:44.005
And I think even looking at the classes today, you know there's different.

00:21:44.005 --> 00:21:52.173
And I think even looking at the classes today, you know there's different politics, different religions, different like, but it doesn't matter.

00:21:52.173 --> 00:21:53.799
When you're in here, we're all in the same goal and none of that matters.

00:21:53.799 --> 00:22:00.894
And it's more about the community, which then brings us fast forward from 2008 and 2010.

00:22:00.894 --> 00:22:05.490
Our youngest son, trey, was diagnosed with pediatric cancer.

00:22:05.490 --> 00:22:09.888
I mean, you don't anticipate that ever, you?

00:22:09.909 --> 00:22:10.810
didn't schedule it?

00:22:10.912 --> 00:22:21.079
No, and it was on Christmas Eve, so everybody was at home doing their own Christmas, and so I think I messaged you maybe that Saturday, because that was a Friday.

00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:25.311
So I messaged you Saturday like, hey, I'm out for the foreseeable future.

00:22:25.311 --> 00:22:26.515
This is what we're dealing with.

00:22:26.515 --> 00:22:52.730
And we had to go to the hospital on Sunday to check in and Monday he had to have a bunch of procedures done to prep for chemo and we're sitting in the waiting room and wait go ahead well, we're sitting in the waiting room waiting as he's in surgery getting some stuff done and in walks Mike, and was it Chris?

00:22:52.990 --> 00:23:00.526
yeah, with a laptop, because we didn't have a laptop computer and like to be able to be in the hospital and show DVDs and stuff.

00:23:00.526 --> 00:23:06.950
And we were like, and that's just, and that was like the community, like we were never.

00:23:06.950 --> 00:23:16.805
And you said immediately you know, whenever you can stop in, you know, don't let us know like just come in for a class, right, check in whatever.

00:23:16.805 --> 00:23:37.606
And it was like and that was over a span of four years that he went through treatments and, um, he passed away in 2014 and again, the whole crossfit community was there for the you know viewing and the funeral and it wasn't murph, but you also did that one day yeah um

00:23:38.909 --> 00:23:43.983
right right which didn't didn't hope for a cure, stem from fight gone bad it was.

00:23:44.003 --> 00:23:52.054
It was a fight, was a Fight Gone Bad, but you did like Fight Gone Real Bad Because you did 25 rounds or whatever it was.

00:23:52.799 --> 00:23:54.285
Well, let me back up a notch.

00:23:54.285 --> 00:23:59.126
I know he was like I'd really rather not dude.

00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:06.838
He was like first cancer, now this Right, we were eating oranges with the peel still on, and he was like I don't know.

00:24:07.240 --> 00:24:15.307
Well, listen, I do have to back up a notch because this is one of the most embarrassing stories, but I will share this.

00:24:15.307 --> 00:24:19.671
So I remember when the subject of the laptop came up.

00:24:19.671 --> 00:24:24.531
So, as a community, like any other tribe, you draw all right, throw out the net, like what do we got?

00:24:24.531 --> 00:24:31.740
And we had a lot of feedback in the immediate moment and I know that it was all in good intention.

00:24:31.740 --> 00:24:40.669
But, like one of them, you know a dear friend of ours, he's some high caliber dude with IBM and he was like hey, he's like I got a few laptops at home.

00:24:40.669 --> 00:24:41.811
They're old work computers.

00:24:41.811 --> 00:24:51.862
Let me scrub them up, sanitize them.

00:24:51.862 --> 00:24:52.163
Yada, yada, yada.

00:24:52.163 --> 00:24:52.683
I'm like I do tick, tick.

00:24:52.683 --> 00:24:53.165
You know no disrespect.

00:24:53.165 --> 00:24:54.269
But before I could even react, crisp direct messages me.

00:24:54.269 --> 00:24:54.469
He goes.

00:24:54.469 --> 00:24:54.710
Hey, he goes.

00:24:54.710 --> 00:24:56.555
I got a best buy card that I get reward points on.

00:24:56.555 --> 00:24:59.540
He's like let's go right, let's go now.

00:24:59.540 --> 00:25:02.404
I'm like whose car are we taking, right?

00:25:02.404 --> 00:25:04.666
So he and I go, we go out to Best Buy.

00:25:04.666 --> 00:25:06.169
We pick a perfect.

00:25:06.169 --> 00:25:08.491
Like hey, this is good for DVDs and the yada yada, yada.

00:25:08.491 --> 00:25:09.051
We still have it.

00:25:09.752 --> 00:25:12.336
By the way, we're like two little kids.

00:25:12.336 --> 00:25:17.587
We're all geeked out right, I drove, which is even more the embarrassment.

00:25:17.587 --> 00:25:29.288
We jump back in my car, we drive right, we park in Oaklandland, okay, we get out of the car and I because that's my old stomping ground central catholic university of pittsburgh we're walking.

00:25:29.288 --> 00:25:31.092
He's got this shopping bag and it's.

00:25:31.092 --> 00:25:37.721
It's cool, it's cold, right, it's like a brisk day and we're like, the energy levels are high, positive energy.

00:25:39.044 --> 00:25:45.800
We literally get to the spot on fifth avenue and there's a chain link fence all the way across and there's a hole in the ground.

00:25:45.800 --> 00:25:46.963
There's no hospital.

00:25:46.963 --> 00:25:53.586
It looked like what I would, what I've seen elsewhere, like a jay dam, hit it and there's just a hole, a crater left.

00:25:53.586 --> 00:25:58.061
I'm like, and I actually looked at him and I go where's the hospital?

00:25:58.061 --> 00:26:04.769
He goes, he looks at me, he looks at me and he just goes.

00:26:04.769 --> 00:26:19.928
Then all of a sudden, I don't know why, but like it was like God like flicked my ear at that moment and I'm like, oh my God, it's in Bloomfield, it's the old St Francis Hospital.

00:26:19.928 --> 00:26:22.147
I'm like we're not telling anybody about this.

00:26:22.421 --> 00:26:42.034
And he's like okay, okay you know, now we're telling you know whoever listens, but so we, yeah, so we got to, got to the hospital, so that was uh, that's embarrassing I think too, like more to that point, not specific about the computer, but I feel like that's what our community, that's where we've been lucky all of these years.

00:26:42.415 --> 00:27:03.190
Because I remember when you guys put out a post about how Trey was loving the train tables at the hospital and I talked to Mike and I said, you know, my dad wanting a grandson so badly bought this train table before we even had Michael and it just kind of sat there waiting for a boy.

00:27:03.721 --> 00:27:13.250
So then we finally have Michael and my dad passed the same year and so you know, so it was always special to us.

00:27:13.250 --> 00:27:18.633
We had it in his room the minute he came home from the hospital after he was born.

00:27:18.633 --> 00:27:33.905
But when you put that out I thought you know Michael's growing out of that train table, and as special as it is to us, it's even more special to me to be able to give it to someone who really wants this and it's something that made him so happy at the time.

00:27:33.905 --> 00:27:47.467
So we were so happy to be able to do that, you know, or like the spaghetti dinner, or you know, and and I feel like and it's not just us, it's our entire community Like the minute there's a need, there's, and it doesn't all have to be bad.

00:27:47.467 --> 00:27:50.711
You know, if it's something exciting, it's something to celebrate.

00:27:50.711 --> 00:27:53.173
Everyone comes out, we have weddings.

00:27:53.756 --> 00:27:55.323
Yes, exactly.

00:27:55.835 --> 00:28:00.554
But I think that goes back to the point you're making not making, but the focus is the community.

00:28:00.554 --> 00:28:04.645
Right, you know you'd only been around two years when Trey was diagnosed.

00:28:04.645 --> 00:28:10.342
Now that's not five minutes, right, but because of the focus on the heroes and the hero challenge.

00:28:10.342 --> 00:28:13.387
Like you, don't shy away from the fact that life is messy.

00:28:13.387 --> 00:28:13.848
Right.

00:28:14.454 --> 00:28:16.522
And that we don't gloss over it.

00:28:16.522 --> 00:28:24.174
If you throw up with somebody, you're gonna go and you're gonna cry with somebody and you're gonna celebrate with somebody, and it's very real.

00:28:24.174 --> 00:28:29.711
You can't hide it cross-footed, and you can't be fake.

00:28:29.711 --> 00:28:33.643
You might try, and so we know what real is.

00:28:33.643 --> 00:28:46.064
You know what real is is, I should say, and so when there's a need arises, you step up because, well, that's what you do, right yeah, and I remember what else we did around the holidays.

00:28:47.259 --> 00:28:47.642
We had the.

00:28:47.642 --> 00:28:49.651
We used to do the gingerbread house.

00:28:49.953 --> 00:28:57.025
Yes, I've never seen you eat so much candy before or since.

00:28:57.575 --> 00:28:58.257
Every time.

00:28:58.257 --> 00:29:00.541
Every time I think of that, I can't.

00:29:00.541 --> 00:29:03.347
I literally, if I'm alone, I laugh out loud.

00:29:03.347 --> 00:29:06.422
There was a point I don't remember how many kids were all.

00:29:06.422 --> 00:29:21.398
They're all set up in the dining room, I think, and the way the house is set up, like you could go out of the dining room through the hallway around the front to the entry to the living room and then back around, and at one point I guess the houses were mostly done and decorated.

00:29:21.419 --> 00:29:23.083
Now we're just kicked back having fun and trey comes through.

00:29:23.083 --> 00:29:29.762
He comes around and we had all those like little chinese food containers with all the glitter and whatever.

00:29:29.762 --> 00:29:46.665
So he comes around and he grabs a handful of like whatever colored sugar or whatever, and as he runs he goes and I don't know one of you like we talk about how we can still hear that laugh, yeah, and like I think you were like trey and I.

00:29:46.665 --> 00:29:50.276
That was one of that, probably the only time in recorded history.

00:29:50.276 --> 00:29:52.319
I was like are you kidding me?

00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:56.346
I'm like do it again, man, I have you could do whatever you want.

00:29:56.346 --> 00:29:57.348
That was just so.

00:29:57.348 --> 00:30:08.505
He like so much fun in that moment, you know I, I, oh, my god, glitter and I'm like ah, you know, yeah, so some of that glitter still in your living room in my hair.

00:30:08.545 --> 00:30:15.928
In my hair hey, listen, who doesn't?

00:30:15.928 --> 00:30:18.532
That's, that's all I'm saying.

00:30:18.532 --> 00:30:19.074
I remember.

00:30:19.074 --> 00:30:19.775
I remember those.

00:30:19.775 --> 00:30:25.003
I remember vaguely, it's like in the dim.

00:30:25.003 --> 00:30:28.549
I think I was an ensign at the time but it's crazy.

00:30:28.654 --> 00:30:38.238
You think of you that first day and then all of a sudden, you become a coach yes and like the elevation within your CrossFit program that was in.

00:30:39.420 --> 00:30:49.281
I came back officially and again, throughout those four years I would stop in and be like you know, attempt to work out or just make sure I can still like jump and reach the bar, whatever.

00:30:49.281 --> 00:30:56.363
In February of 2015 came back like kind of stuck my head in, like can I come in?

00:30:56.363 --> 00:30:58.257
And you're like, come on, um.

00:30:58.257 --> 00:31:07.501
And then in March the opportunity came up to take the certification course and I was like crying again because I couldn't do anything.

00:31:07.501 --> 00:31:13.359
They were asking because, you know you got to retrain but, um, you know it was a good opportunity.

00:31:13.359 --> 00:31:27.008
It was because I wasn't working at the time, right now, without having that kind of schedule, and I was kind of at home because the kids were back in school and kind of at home doing nothing, right, you know.

00:31:27.048 --> 00:31:47.080
And like, well, I gotta do something, right, because from our perspective during that time, because I remember you had just started coming back and so I went home and told Mike I was like here's my intention I'd like to ask Rachel, because I just feel like maybe the, the redirection or a new focus will help.

00:31:47.080 --> 00:32:01.106
Because, to be honest with you, I was so afraid at that moment if you were going to be able to stay consistent and I was worried because I thought, well, is this going to help or is it going to be too much memory, like who knows?

00:32:01.106 --> 00:32:03.434
Like you just don't know how you're going to react.

00:32:03.434 --> 00:32:04.800
You know you watch a scary movie.

00:32:04.800 --> 00:32:06.186
Why would they run that way?

00:32:06.186 --> 00:32:07.332
Well, you don't know.

00:32:07.332 --> 00:32:09.900
Until you're in that situation, no one knows.

00:32:10.883 --> 00:32:25.582
And you know, and I'm sure, like I know, you and I, jay, you and I have had this conversation before where no one ever knows the right thing to say or the right thing to do, and there's so many missed opportunities to not just put it out there.

00:32:25.582 --> 00:32:28.067
Like we're always, I'm always so overly cautious.

00:32:28.067 --> 00:32:40.061
But I said to Mike, I said I want to ask Rachel she'd consider, like I think we should put her through, and so I remember talking to you about it and so glad when you said yes, and it is.

00:32:40.061 --> 00:32:47.143
It was, I'm sure it was stressful, because it's not easy, it is vigorous and you know which is good.

00:32:47.163 --> 00:32:52.321
You want your coaches to be well-trained, right, right, right, to be on the other side.

00:32:52.321 --> 00:32:55.387
But to throw that at you at the last minute like that.

00:32:55.387 --> 00:33:03.434
I was just so grateful, though, that you agreed to it, because from there you know, especially like I always think back to your 1230 classes.

00:33:03.515 --> 00:33:04.740
Yes, I was just going to say that.

00:33:04.740 --> 00:33:07.263
And how you're so adored.

00:33:07.263 --> 00:33:09.066
Yes, and still to this day.

00:33:09.066 --> 00:33:15.750
We were small but mighty, and it was, yeah, I loved the 1230 class.

00:33:19.875 --> 00:33:27.878
And that was sort of my, that was my class right other coaches weren't available and you know but I think from you know I've been in ministry for a very long time and I study emotional needs and all that stuff.

00:33:27.878 --> 00:33:40.756
But I just led a 13 week session of grief share, which is a national, maybe international, program to help people recover from loss, and it was it's weird, because I'm not a facilitator, I'm a teacher, I'm a preacher, I'm a coach.

00:33:40.955 --> 00:34:08.195
I don't facilitate somebody else's program, but I was able to do it, and the one thing that really stuck with me was when somebody is stuck in grief, whether it be in the first two weeks or three years, one of the best things you can give them is traction, just a little bit of traction to to start the new life without their lost loved one, and I think, whether it be intentional or not, that was a great bit of traction for you that okay, this has happened, this is what it is, but now I can.

00:34:08.275 --> 00:34:17.806
I can move forward in this area and it was a brilliant move, which I'm glad, and it worked out, but whenever, I'll never forget when you were offered that full-time teaching position.

00:34:17.826 --> 00:34:19.751
See I cried again oh.

00:34:19.751 --> 00:34:24.603
I feel like I've cried with you more, and I'm not a crier I don't cry easily and I've cried.

00:34:24.623 --> 00:34:37.668
I can't list the times you have cried so but at that moment I remember thinking as long as you're not leaving, like I was, I think.

00:34:37.668 --> 00:34:41.271
In my mind I was like that's it, she's leaving, like this is it we're saying goodbye.

00:34:41.271 --> 00:34:43.563
And that's what was running through my brain.

00:34:43.563 --> 00:34:45.061
And then I thought well, wait a minute.

00:34:45.061 --> 00:34:49.510
Okay, you're just getting a job, that's okay, that's all right.

00:34:49.510 --> 00:34:50.235
Oh my gosh.

00:34:50.454 --> 00:34:51.096
It's working.

00:34:51.096 --> 00:34:58.128
I've done the 4.30 class because that's perfect timing, because my school is right there and I'm done at 3.30 and come here at 4.30.

00:34:58.128 --> 00:35:08.367
You know it makes for a long day, but oh, and then we didn't even touch on the whole pandemic time of being shut down and working out from home.

00:35:08.367 --> 00:35:09.389
Yes, oh, yeah.

00:35:09.469 --> 00:35:12.717
Which was great, that was so generous Again.

00:35:12.737 --> 00:35:18.501
Going back to community, you guys were like, hey, we have to be closed, but if you want to borrow equipment, come get it.

00:35:18.501 --> 00:35:19.882
Take a picture of it, let us know.

00:35:19.882 --> 00:35:22.646
We'll do Zoom workouts which were harder than in person.

00:35:22.646 --> 00:35:26.931
I'm just going to say yes, yes, With Jen, like Zooming in.

00:35:30.760 --> 00:35:33.945
I did, but didn't you feel?

00:35:33.945 --> 00:35:34.306
Right.

00:35:34.306 --> 00:35:42.063
I was like you know, okay, let's get done with this workout, let's all just sit for a second, check out each other's animals, kids, what's going on?

00:35:42.063 --> 00:35:49.048
Right, because it was just such a nice break from your day-to-day grind of staring at the same walls.

00:35:49.434 --> 00:36:02.500
And then trying to get back into in-person, for sure, those obstacles, for sure it was a crazy time and whatever, but we've made it through and right, yeah, yeah, thank goodness.

00:36:02.539 --> 00:36:08.170
Yeah, so would you tell me us, our listeners, about your book?

00:36:09.115 --> 00:36:11.458
well, so I started.

00:36:11.458 --> 00:36:14.121
The first idea was shortly after trey died.

00:36:14.121 --> 00:36:26.364
I wanted to compile a basically copy and pasting all of our Pray for Trey Facebook messages, because it was so impactful, it helped us so much, and so for two or three years I would cut and paste.

00:36:26.364 --> 00:36:30.766
And you know, with Facebook you can't type in December 24, 2010.

00:36:30.766 --> 00:36:33.423
You have to hit older entries older entries.

00:36:33.795 --> 00:36:37.646
At times, it would take me 45 minutes to get back to a date to copy and paste.

00:36:37.646 --> 00:36:45.079
So I did that for a few years and it ended up being 1100 pages long and I realized well, that's not a book, you can't do that.

00:36:45.079 --> 00:36:48.905
So in 2021, I started writing this book.

00:36:48.905 --> 00:36:51.081
Do you even know why?

00:36:51.081 --> 00:36:53.298
Like I don't even remember what made me do it.

00:36:53.298 --> 00:36:56.826
No, no.

00:36:56.987 --> 00:36:57.829
Thanks.

00:36:59.635 --> 00:37:03.447
It would be in the winter when I couldn't work on the disc golf course and I had some downtime.

00:37:03.447 --> 00:37:09.027
But I was always burdened by two things after Trey died.

00:37:09.027 --> 00:37:20.708
One was that we stayed faithful during all the Trey days so that we could show that your faith in God is not contingent upon his performance for you.

00:37:20.708 --> 00:37:26.286
And so we wanted to give God the glory and, given the eulogy at his funeral, I did that.

00:37:26.286 --> 00:37:30.284
But everybody says we're the greatest, oh, we're great, we're great, we're great.

00:37:30.284 --> 00:37:34.699
So they give us the glory, not God the glory, and I never wanted that.

00:37:34.699 --> 00:37:37.117
I wanted God to get the glory, so that was taken from me.

00:37:37.117 --> 00:37:49.539
And number two, to those who are in their battle if somebody is diagnosed their child is diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, and they say somebody says, oh, you should talk to jay and rachel mitlow, oh, they could help you.

00:37:49.539 --> 00:37:52.065
They always ask well, how did it end for them?

00:37:52.065 --> 00:37:55.664
And they go well, their son passed away in 2014.

00:37:56.588 --> 00:38:00.742
Nobody ever calls I always say to those who are in their, in their battle, we are the face of death.

00:38:00.742 --> 00:38:16.922
So I thought I just got to be a way I can use all this experience and the wisdom that sounds a little bit arrogant that god blessed me with through this time, so that our kids could survive even if trade didn't, and our marriage could survive when most don't.

00:38:16.922 --> 00:38:17.666
That's right right.

00:38:17.666 --> 00:38:33.557
So I started writing it and it's half our story, each chapter and then a for you, because you're not us, you don't have the resources, you may not be a member of CrossFit and have this community coming alongside you, but it's helping any parent because there's a book what to expect when you're expecting.

00:38:33.637 --> 00:38:36.003
Right, there's a book what to expect in your first year?

00:38:36.646 --> 00:38:37.728
there's no book that I to Expect when You're.

00:38:37.829 --> 00:38:38.269
Expecting.

00:38:38.269 --> 00:38:39.413
There's a book what to Expect in your First Year.

00:38:39.413 --> 00:38:59.559
There's no book that I know of what to Do when your Child Gets a Life-Threatening Diagnosis, and so I hired a company to help me put it together, and my content editor suggested a third section of every chapter, which is, if it's straight out, it's our story how to stand for the parents, because the book's called Stand story, how to stand for the parents, because the book's called stand, so how to stand, but then how to help them stand.

00:38:59.579 --> 00:39:16.266
you know, when you said you guys got together and or even, like you said, I don't want to barge in and ask her to be a coach right away, I don't know, and so very often we don't do anything right well the other fault people have is they think they know how to help and they barge in and they think they're the experts.

00:39:16.365 --> 00:39:19.856
And in my line of work, as far as being a Christian, there's some of the worst.

00:39:19.856 --> 00:39:25.280
They're like oh, we know exactly what to do and they run roughshod over somebody who's suffering.

00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:30.846
So in my book I teach people here's how you come alongside somebody, here's what they need.

00:39:30.846 --> 00:39:35.081
You know, when somebody's angry at God, a Christian very often becomes God's PR.

00:39:35.081 --> 00:39:37.976
You, you know, rep, they don't need that.

00:39:37.976 --> 00:39:39.599
They need you to say, yeah, this sucks right now.

00:39:39.599 --> 00:39:42.086
And so you said how did it get started?

00:39:42.086 --> 00:39:44.300
That's how it got started and really what it is.

00:39:44.300 --> 00:39:47.007
And we talk about, like I said, crossfit.

00:39:47.007 --> 00:39:52.963
We talk about Joe's jujitsu coach and them and how important it was to have other people in your life.

00:39:52.963 --> 00:40:03.724
It's really the book's a lot about community Right, and what to do when you don't have it, and how blessed we were because we lived the life of community before Trey was even diagnosed.

00:40:04.936 --> 00:40:14.163
I have to say so, when I saw that you wrote the book, my immediate thought, if I'm being very honest, was I don't know if I want to read it.

00:40:14.163 --> 00:40:19.753
And I thought, to quote quote Rachel, I know how it ends, like you know.

00:40:19.753 --> 00:40:20.856
So there was that moment.

00:40:20.856 --> 00:40:21.922
I thought, oh, I don't know.

00:40:21.922 --> 00:40:23.793
Your videos have been amazing.

00:40:23.793 --> 00:40:37.202
Because then, when I heard what you just said now too, about how it helps people, people on the outside, helping people that are going through that, I thought then we all need to read it you know can skip the tray part.

00:40:37.382 --> 00:40:41.161
Yeah, I mean you really can, you can go right to the for you and the how to help.

00:40:41.242 --> 00:40:51.248
Right, because, you know, even right now, like I look at my sister who has a co-worker who has cancer, and I thought, you know, there's always going to be someone who's suffering some way.

00:40:51.248 --> 00:41:10.641
It doesn't always have to be cancer, but there's some kind of suffering happening and if we on the outside have some idea of how better to approach this, I'm all in, you know, cause I think that is the worst thing, you know, not knowing what to say, what is the right thing to say.

00:41:10.641 --> 00:41:16.474
You know, you know how I feel like, yes, I understand that giving glory to God for sure, 100%.

00:41:16.474 --> 00:41:29.527
But you two were amazing, and you were, and I know, you know we don't see the ins and outs, but the grace and how beautifully you carried yourself and dealt with it.

00:41:30.115 --> 00:41:37.016
Sitting through that eulogy, oh my gosh, just thinking there's no way I could never Look how amazing this man is going through this.

00:41:37.016 --> 00:41:39.882
So you don't give yourself enough credit.

00:41:39.882 --> 00:41:41.907
But I also understand where you're coming from.

00:41:41.907 --> 00:41:47.509
You know, thank goodness, you had your faith to, to hold on to and keep you strong.

00:41:47.509 --> 00:41:50.503
But you still owe yourself some credit on that too.

00:41:50.503 --> 00:41:51.327
Are you gonna say?

00:41:51.347 --> 00:41:55.719
something because you're leaning forward no, I just wanted to see her better.

00:41:55.739 --> 00:42:04.003
But in regards to the topic of comfort and help, I remember you guys coming into the hospital with a laptop.

00:42:04.003 --> 00:42:05.648
I don't remember what you said.

00:42:05.648 --> 00:42:07.802
I didn't remember Chris was there.

00:42:07.802 --> 00:42:09.501
I do now that you say that.

00:42:09.501 --> 00:42:12.063
But back to even the funeral.

00:42:12.063 --> 00:42:16.519
Two things impacted me in several ways, but two major ways.

00:42:16.519 --> 00:42:35.108
With all you know, with all due humility, whatever you were a blubbering mess and that meant the world to me like here's the toughest guy in the world, the toughest sob, broken for us, for our son, for our you know his little sister rachel.

00:42:35.108 --> 00:42:42.110
You know, whatever you are, to him there's no words for that, if he would have

00:42:42.150 --> 00:42:44.360
spoken, he would have ruined it, you know.

00:42:44.360 --> 00:42:45.163
But it was that.

00:42:45.163 --> 00:42:46.449
And then the other story.

00:42:46.449 --> 00:43:05.432
When you post the picture of your brothers and you say you know if I respect you in battle, I call you brother and I said yeah, but you called me brother and you said I know what you said because I know how much you value that.

00:43:05.432 --> 00:43:07.235
That meant the world to me, you know.

00:43:07.235 --> 00:43:09.061
And so back to your point.

00:43:09.061 --> 00:43:14.579
It doesn't have to be how to love somebody who has a child with a diagnosis.

00:43:14.579 --> 00:43:20.664
My, my content editor said to me Jay, the first two days I sat with your book.

00:43:20.664 --> 00:43:28.001
Now nothing has been edited yet she's doing it, she goes, I just sat and cried and I thought, oh yeah, our story.

00:43:28.021 --> 00:43:28.963
you know it's pretty impactful.

00:43:28.963 --> 00:43:35.920
She knows a family that had a daughter that just lost their life to a seizure disorder and she was their teacher.

00:43:35.920 --> 00:43:47.786
And she said I thought I knew the family pretty well but, to be very honest with you, I had observed them, watched how they did things and I judged a lot of what they did.

00:43:47.786 --> 00:43:56.666
But having read your book, it gave me insight as to what they were really going through and I felt ashamed of some of the judgments I had made.

00:43:57.255 --> 00:44:04.244
And I was like, oh and again, most things I do successfully are mistakes, Like I do the right thing, but I think it's for this reason.

00:44:04.244 --> 00:44:11.976
And so here I am, like, oh, I'm going to help these parents, or you know, like if this book existed when Trey was diagnosed, we would not, I wouldn't have read it.

00:44:11.976 --> 00:44:13.958
I'd be like I'll figure it out on my own, I'm good.

00:44:13.958 --> 00:44:14.360
Thanks.

00:44:14.659 --> 00:44:21.349
Sure, but my sister Kathy and my sister Mary Lynn and Marcy they would have bought six copies of it underlined everything, right.

00:44:21.349 --> 00:44:32.666
So I think, oh, that's going to be the impact, but maybe it's going to be helping people help, because it's sadly again, some people just choose not to help, right?

00:44:39.195 --> 00:44:40.902
And sometimes the ones who do try to help yes, not the kind you need.

00:44:40.902 --> 00:44:41.684
It's easy to miss the mark.

00:44:41.684 --> 00:44:42.809
You think you're helping, right?

00:44:43.090 --> 00:44:44.335
yeah, my mike p, my nephew yesterday.

00:44:44.335 --> 00:44:46.722
He goes is there a chapter on on being funny?

00:44:46.722 --> 00:44:52.661
And I said actually there is, there's one that's okay to laugh, and I list all the different awkward things.

00:44:52.661 --> 00:44:57.525
He goes no, no, when you want to like lighten the mood, but yet you always do it at the wrong time.

00:44:57.525 --> 00:44:58.056
And I went.

00:44:58.056 --> 00:44:59.844
No, I can't teach that.

00:44:59.844 --> 00:45:05.672
Because that's all I ever do is say the wrong thing at the wrong time and it ends up.

00:45:07.039 --> 00:45:12.945
And I just want to interject this, because when you said, what are you to me?

00:45:13.275 --> 00:45:17.300
and you're like a thorn in his side, you know, what are you to me, you know, and you're like a thorn in his side.

00:45:17.300 --> 00:45:17.920
No, I'll tell you this.

00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:26.510
I will tell you this and I don't remember as much as I used to, I just don't, but I remember this vividly and these were like little, what would you call it?

00:45:26.510 --> 00:45:33.030
Like just what you need when you need it.

00:45:33.030 --> 00:45:35.643
Okay, and it was never like always on Tuesday, when our paths cross, whatever.

00:45:35.643 --> 00:45:39.313
But it was never like always on Tuesday when our paths cross, whatever.

00:45:39.313 --> 00:45:39.262
But it was.

00:45:39.179 --> 00:45:40.704
Washington Boulevard was a was a problematic location, I believe it.

00:45:40.704 --> 00:45:46.237
At that, it was a problematic location and we had some unruly neighbors who were, just in a word, just disrespectful.

00:45:46.237 --> 00:45:55.199
And every blessed time I would drive in there, I would, on my literally on my way, I would pray and I'd be like Lord, I feel good this morning.

00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:55.780
I really do.

00:45:55.780 --> 00:46:04.181
I'm going to thank you for that and, whatever happens, I'm going to handle this in a better way.

00:46:04.282 --> 00:46:07.791
And I failed every single time, and I'm not saying that to be funny or facetious.

00:46:07.791 --> 00:46:19.045
I failed every time and while I was doing it, it became like one of those things I think people describe as not not an out-of-body experience or anything, but I don't know what that is.

00:46:19.045 --> 00:46:27.128
But but like it was, like I was watching myself do it, and I'm like I might as well be sliding on ice right now, because I know what to do.

00:46:27.128 --> 00:46:28.697
And I'm like, yeah, but it's still going.

00:46:28.697 --> 00:46:38.719
It's like a runaway train and it was after an altercation and I give I say this again in all seriousness I never once, ever, started off, even when I was.

00:46:38.719 --> 00:46:39.221
You know.

00:46:39.221 --> 00:46:40.164
Look at this.

00:46:40.164 --> 00:46:41.590
Now I have to deal with this right now.

00:46:41.590 --> 00:46:45.320
I never started off with malicious intent, ever.

00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:50.554
I would always excuse me, excuse, sir, ma'am, excuse me always.

00:46:50.554 --> 00:46:54.021
And every single time it would take a turn instantly.

00:46:54.320 --> 00:47:02.242
And I remember talking to you about this, usually after it happened, while it was still fresh, and I'm like I don't get it.

00:47:02.242 --> 00:47:04.101
Rach, I'm like I don't get it.

00:47:04.101 --> 00:47:05.534
I'm like what am I missing?

00:47:05.534 --> 00:47:07.983
What's missing in here that I can't?

00:47:07.983 --> 00:47:15.208
And without a moment's hesitation, you looked right at me and you were like it's about respect with you.

00:47:15.208 --> 00:47:21.603
You looked right at me and you were like it's about respect with you.

00:47:21.603 --> 00:47:27.994
I was in the middle of a moment Wait his exact words were it's about respect with you.

00:47:29.340 --> 00:47:35.655
I know, no, here let's crank out a TikTok video.

00:47:35.655 --> 00:47:45.523
You kids, you screenagers, that was bad timing.

00:47:45.523 --> 00:47:47.693
But but, and and I thought what was so?

00:47:47.693 --> 00:47:55.849
Because you, you, you have a very um, I don't say bubbly, because I think that's insulting, but you do have a personality that's always like joyful, friendly welcome.

00:47:55.849 --> 00:47:59.900
Hey, so today, even like you're you're about to brief like a killer workout.

00:47:59.900 --> 00:48:08.523
So what we're gonna do today and it's gonna, it's gonna smash your testicles in a vice, but she would love that.

00:48:08.523 --> 00:48:17.106
But but I, but I think so, I'm used to that and I kid you, not in that moment the first time realized it and it was like this every time.

00:48:17.226 --> 00:48:20.083
After the first time, I'm like Rach, what am I doing?

00:48:20.083 --> 00:48:21.300
Like, what am I missing?

00:48:21.300 --> 00:48:26.818
All of a sudden, you were like and you just went with you.

00:48:26.818 --> 00:48:27.862
It's about respect.

00:48:27.862 --> 00:48:42.907
And when you realize that you're giving it and it's not coming back, she's like you, you know very politely, was like, and that's when it turns, yeah, and I'm like huh, I'm like well, okay, all right.

00:48:42.907 --> 00:48:45.860
Then I started to really kind of look at that, like, well, then I need to toughen up a little bit, because am I being thin-skinned, am I being overreactive?

00:48:45.860 --> 00:49:11.724
And and I do sometimes, I do attribute this and I think once in a while, if I hit it on the right lunar cycle and I ask my wife in the right tone of voice, I'm like I believe I am getting better and she's like you know a little bit, I will say yes, yeah, yes, because I've seen you handle situations where I think previously you would have been like there's the door and you've been like, okay, we can think about that.

00:49:11.855 --> 00:49:25.523
Or what like I can't think of a specific situation but there have been times where I was like, oh, mike didn't kill him, I don't get mad, no more.

00:49:25.523 --> 00:49:26.045
Just in the same sense.

00:49:26.045 --> 00:49:26.608
Well, yeah, but you know what?

00:49:26.608 --> 00:49:30.541
And I mean listen, and it's in the grand scheme of things, it's a small matter right, in the grand scheme of things it's as well.

00:49:30.541 --> 00:49:37.762
I'd rather have anger issues right than endure what you have Every day.

00:49:37.762 --> 00:49:44.121
I'd be the meanest, nastiest, most cantankerous person until the day I die If that were the case.

00:49:44.121 --> 00:49:45.539
We're all called to different things.

00:49:45.715 --> 00:49:51.235
You were in battles in your career that people I mean that are insurmountable.

00:49:51.235 --> 00:49:55.563
Well, we were in a battle, emotionally, that was going to be lost.

00:49:55.563 --> 00:49:57.760
So we don't choose it.

00:49:57.760 --> 00:50:00.889
We all have different ones and we're equipped differently to handle them.

00:50:00.889 --> 00:50:09.467
But I want to go back to your respect issue, because there's a phrase that I've come up with, which is if you're not aware of your emotions, you'll be manipulated by your feelings.

00:50:09.467 --> 00:50:11.762
So you're like I'm pissed off.

00:50:11.762 --> 00:50:12.315
Okay.

00:50:12.315 --> 00:50:13.219
Well, what's that code for?

00:50:17.394 --> 00:50:18.619
You took respect for me, me, and I highly value that.

00:50:18.619 --> 00:50:24.202
So, but if you're not thinking that, you're just in this moment, so it's like almost like combat there's a weakness you didn't know about.

00:50:24.202 --> 00:50:26.411
So now you're like oh wait a minute.

00:50:26.411 --> 00:50:30.965
When somebody takes respect from me, I lose a little control right, I'm not gonna let you do that anymore.

00:50:30.965 --> 00:50:37.943
You know, people are just angry or sad, or frustrated that was.

00:50:38.204 --> 00:50:43.570
I'm like it's still stuck in because it's recorded it's recorded, honey, thank you.

00:50:43.570 --> 00:50:45.199
Emotions are what if they're?

00:50:45.239 --> 00:50:46.143
met or not met.

00:50:46.143 --> 00:50:49.954
They either make you feel happy or positive or negative.

00:50:49.954 --> 00:50:56.320
There's variations of both, but people aren't aware of what their emotions are, and so the the gift you gave him was oh, it's respect.

00:50:57.181 --> 00:51:06.197
You know, it's respect and you're like they were disrespectful, well and I, but I was disrespectful to him back then but I will tell you this though right, first of all, taliban's trying to kill me.

00:51:06.559 --> 00:51:18.889
You know, isis is on deck, but uh, but I will say this though, in that moment, just when you, when you drop that on me, it was like huh, like it did lighten the.

00:51:19.275 --> 00:51:29.869
You know she saw through big mike petrogallo to a heart of a man who values something, and she's nothing if not sincere and I appreciated that I really did so.

00:51:29.909 --> 00:51:38.398
I value your counsel, you know, and, and I think too and this is a big thing that I I put a lot of, I think I think you and I both do back there.

00:51:38.398 --> 00:51:52.248
I, I think I think we both do is I don't, and social media is probably the worst for this, because it enhances these, these uh occurrences, or whatever you want to call them.

00:51:52.248 --> 00:51:59.309
I don't need a cheerleader, right, especially when, especially when, I'm doing something stupid, right, oh, I'm with you, mike, I'm with you.

00:51:59.309 --> 00:52:20.739
I'm like I wish you weren't Stop, you know, I mean, if life had a like button, disconnect that right, because there are times when I would, you know, pop off through, you know knee jerk reaction, and that's another thing that I appreciated was when you know you were like, well, well, you know, is that really?

00:52:20.739 --> 00:52:36.221
And, and you know, I, I think too, and my, my beautiful wife tries that, but with a little bit more of a, maybe a more harsh approach there's more history and more entrapments from that being perceived, whereas you got no history here.

00:52:36.340 --> 00:52:37.483
It's just her saying whatever.

00:52:37.483 --> 00:52:38.864
It's harder to do that.

00:52:38.885 --> 00:52:44.360
That's why relationships get so messy Messy, it's true, but I love you.

00:52:44.360 --> 00:52:47.605
We're a beautiful mess, you and I, right.

00:52:47.605 --> 00:52:54.659
Not many people know this, and I'm going to say this because the first time Jen dropped this on me I was like, oh my God, that's actually funny.

00:52:54.659 --> 00:52:59.989
Jennifer is convinced because we're big Sarah McLachlan fans from way back during our courtship and whatnot.

00:52:59.989 --> 00:53:01.900
Sadly, I've seen her live.

00:53:01.900 --> 00:53:02.782
So did we.

00:53:02.782 --> 00:53:03.804
So did we?

00:53:03.804 --> 00:53:04.507
We had like the most.

00:53:04.507 --> 00:53:07.206
Anyway, jen, if you were a couple, I was just a guy.

00:53:08.396 --> 00:53:09.907
Listen, I'm going to say this.

00:53:09.907 --> 00:53:10.775
That's a different podcast.

00:53:10.775 --> 00:53:17.766
I'm going to say this, though If I was single, I'd be Mr Sarah McLachlan.

00:53:17.766 --> 00:53:19.269
Really, oh my God, are you kidding?

00:53:19.269 --> 00:53:25.452
I don't even mind that she's from Canada, oh well.

00:53:27.681 --> 00:53:29.306
She turns the piano band sideways.

00:53:33.320 --> 00:53:33.701
Listen.

00:53:33.701 --> 00:53:39.429
So, jen, I think maybe still convinced that I am in fact the beautiful fucked up man that she refers to in Building a Mystery.

00:53:39.429 --> 00:53:41.702
That was one of your vows, wasn't it Jen?

00:53:41.702 --> 00:53:45.052
Yeah, we wrote that right in there.

00:53:45.052 --> 00:53:49.639
Oh, sarah, sarah, sarah, trying to do the best we can.

00:53:50.014 --> 00:54:00.902
But I think too, though, that's the thing where there is that balance, where you're like, you know, a friend's going to tell you when you're headed down the wrong road, stop you from going too far down that road.

00:54:00.902 --> 00:54:14.802
And you know, again, I kid around with you a lot, but I swear Jen is like I'll put something out and we'll watch the comments, and that's one thing I do.

00:54:14.802 --> 00:54:16.481
I mean this from the bottom of my heart.

00:54:16.481 --> 00:54:27.985
I was the last man like Charlton Heston in the Omega man I'm not even giving credit, I am, and you know why, because I'm making a stand right here.

00:54:29.219 --> 00:54:35.476
When a movie was a movie, charlton Heston would never leave his seat, go up on stage and slap somebody at an award show.

00:54:35.476 --> 00:54:43.340
Then they remake that movie with that little Will Smith, with Charlton Heston would never leave his seat, go up on stage and slap somebody at an award show.

00:54:43.340 --> 00:54:45.940
Okay, then they remake that movie with that little Will Smith with the big ears.

00:54:45.940 --> 00:54:52.065
No bullshit, chris Rock, if that was the Rock, do you think he would have done the same thing?

00:54:52.065 --> 00:54:53.744
I'll leave it at that, that's all.

00:54:53.744 --> 00:54:54.606
I'll leave it at that.

00:54:54.606 --> 00:54:59.327
He'd be in on the script, he'd be in something, he'd be in traction, I would still post.

00:54:59.327 --> 00:55:02.070
I would, because I don't do it for a reaction.

00:55:02.530 --> 00:55:09.233
I do not do it for a reaction, but I think that's one of the things, too, that Jen has kind of been more keen on than I am.

00:55:09.233 --> 00:55:19.664
She was like all right, watch what kind of feedback you get and be mindful of that.

00:55:19.664 --> 00:55:20.507
Like, is that really what you want to be?

00:55:20.507 --> 00:55:21.894
Include me, man, that's not, that is not what I intend.

00:55:21.894 --> 00:55:22.579
So clean, delete.

00:55:22.579 --> 00:55:24.914
I mean I'll delete the whole post rather than take someone's.

00:55:24.914 --> 00:55:26.442
Yeah, we're with you.

00:55:26.481 --> 00:55:30.760
I'm like I don't care you with me or not, I'm not even sure what that happens.

00:55:30.760 --> 00:55:43.873
So good, but you know, but I've always appreciated that you know, even when it's like you know you don't, you and you don't ever approaching a bear oh come on all right, but I do no, you.

00:55:43.913 --> 00:56:06.278
There's not a thing that'll listen to you, because you've earned the right to be heard that's the difference earning the right to be heard, because there's very few people that can do that for Mike or in any cases, and I think that you have to have earned that position to have that approach, because if anyone else tried that, Because he respects her opinion.

00:56:06.278 --> 00:56:08.867
Right, exactly, exactly.

00:56:08.867 --> 00:56:10.581
No one else could get away with it.

00:56:10.581 --> 00:56:11.849
We should be friends.

00:56:13.525 --> 00:56:16.840
You want to play mermaids For the last 15 years, right?

00:56:16.840 --> 00:56:29.260
You know, in this last Memorial Day, for example, one of my oldest, dearest friends, alan Phillips, and his wife came up for Memorial Day weekend, you know, and it was just so.

00:56:29.260 --> 00:56:42.764
I don't know Like I it's not, like it's a spritzer, I'm not saying like oh, it's refreshing, I don't mean it like that, but it he is one of those souls that when I'm in his I just kind of go.

00:56:42.764 --> 00:56:48.961
Hmm, you know, and I said to jen, I was like they're not a lot of people that put me at ease like that.

00:56:48.961 --> 00:56:50.246
You know, you do, both of you do.

00:56:50.246 --> 00:56:57.528
But, and I said to jen, she was like you know, watching those he and I interacted, his wife she's, she's just wonderful.

00:56:59.311 --> 00:57:14.766
and jen was like I don't remember exactly how you said it, but it was something to the effect like watching your, your whole personality, when he's around and, very, very matter of fact, I was, like you know, one of the only guys ever that's been able to kind of keep me between the lines, you know.

00:57:15.670 --> 00:57:27.360
And and mark mark was another one you know, he was just kind of like, although he had alan has, like you know that like southern charm way to deliver it, where mark was, uh, a jersey boy, you know.

00:57:27.360 --> 00:57:43.565
So he was just kind of oh, here we go, you know, but no, and I think those are the things, if you get to a point in your life, my father always used to tell me when I was a kid oh, you know, my friend, this my friend, and that's the way you raise kids, like everybody, all your classmates, everybody on your baseball team, you're all friends, friends.

00:57:44.047 --> 00:57:56.806
But I guess, as a little bit I got older and you keep referring oh, my friend joe, or my friend tim and my friend and at one point I don't remember how it came up, but it was like I guess one of those life lessons and my dad was like champ, listen to me, he's like you get to be an adult.

00:57:56.806 --> 00:58:06.759
He's like, if you can count your number like our friends, on one hand you're a very fortunate man, you know, and I and I've held on to that, I really have.

00:58:06.759 --> 00:58:08.184
I was like you know what?

00:58:08.184 --> 00:58:14.469
That is kind of kind of cool, because otherwise it may be just acquaintances or people who've crossed your path, you know.

00:58:14.469 --> 00:58:20.619
But uh, friendship is something to you know to value and you certainly you know, but friendship is something to you know to value and you certainly you know you're dear friends of ours.

00:58:20.619 --> 00:58:25.702
I mean, that's it's been, it's been a great journey, I think would be the best way to say it.

00:58:25.722 --> 00:58:27.126
It's a great beginning to a journey.

00:58:27.735 --> 00:58:30.001
Right, right, awesome.

00:58:30.001 --> 00:58:30.842
So anything else?

00:58:30.842 --> 00:58:31.465
I mean I can't wait.

00:58:31.465 --> 00:58:31.786
When's the?

00:58:31.786 --> 00:58:32.447
So what?

00:58:32.447 --> 00:58:34.422
What stage is the book in now?

00:58:34.541 --> 00:58:36.670
So it's the proofreading part which is the book in now.

00:58:36.670 --> 00:58:38.074
So it's the proofreading part which is the third stage of editing.

00:58:38.094 --> 00:58:48.168
So I would say probably about a month we'll be able to launch it all right, all right, we're gonna have some events and and we really want like one of the ideas is we went with, at least as of now.

00:58:48.168 --> 00:58:55.965
I have a big, big meeting tomorrow with a guy but I want to self-publish it because for a couple reasons it's my book, then if the publisher gets it, they can change it, they can do it.

00:58:55.927 --> 00:59:05.242
How of reasons it's my book, then If a publisher gets it, they can change it, they can do whatever they want and it's not like I want it in bookstores per se, like who's going like, oh, maybe someday my child will have a life-threatening diagnosis.

00:59:05.242 --> 00:59:11.362
I should buy this book, but I really want to market it through our network all across and have people buy them and give them to hospitals.

00:59:11.514 --> 00:59:20.963
Buy them and give them to service organizations, so organizations so, unless something changes with that whole process, it'll be a little over a month or so.

00:59:20.963 --> 00:59:25.701
No, I mean, I, I get that, I appreciate that perspective and I don't know anything about sure, you know I know very little.

00:59:25.701 --> 00:59:35.027
I don't know anything about fancy you know, right, right, but uh, when, when you said, like you know, to sell it in a bookstore, you know, I, I don't, I disagree.

00:59:35.188 --> 00:59:44.313
I think that would be something that I hate to say this but I think everybody knows somebody either, if it's not by first degree by.

00:59:44.313 --> 00:59:48.266
I know a co-worker who has a niece who's going through, so I think from.

00:59:48.327 --> 01:00:01.684
But I do like your approach is, I'm not going to say no, right, right, no, but I, I do, yeah, exactly, exactly and I'm meeting with a guy tomorrow, it doesn't matter, but a guy's sort of a big wig and somebody said, would it be okay if I set you guys up to talk?

01:00:01.684 --> 01:00:05.943
And I was like yeah, you know 30 years experience helping christian authors.

01:00:05.943 --> 01:00:17.706
Yes, I would like to speak with him yeah, so we'll see where it goes, but we're looking about a month, oh fantastic well I you know like jennifer said, and I think this is one of those like, uh, like an oxymoron, I can't wait.

01:00:17.887 --> 01:00:23.606
And yet I don't know if I can read it right yes, well you know I have not read it like.

01:00:24.027 --> 01:00:28.521
Well, again, start at the for you section well that I love that perspective.

01:00:28.521 --> 01:00:48.313
I, I really do that's kind of, you know, that's kind of uh and I had to realize that, like when I got my first edits back and you know it's in a word document, whatever else, and I just looked at all the red on the paper, so I took a picture of it, snap you know, screenshot, send it to my three sisters, and I was like, oh, that's a whole lot of ink and I didn't realize.

01:00:48.373 --> 01:00:49.878
They're gonna read the words behind it.

01:00:49.878 --> 01:00:51.764
And it was, or it was like when he was diagnosed.

01:00:51.764 --> 01:00:53.739
It wasn't even like a tragic moment.

01:00:53.739 --> 01:00:59.697
And they're all sending me back texts of tears and crying face emojis and I don't know if I can go through this.

01:00:59.697 --> 01:01:03.387
And I was like, oh, I've been sitting with this book for three years.

01:01:03.387 --> 01:01:13.617
I realize how raw it is for a lot of people, you know, and so it's like, oh, that's gonna be weird oh, I love it.

01:01:14.179 --> 01:01:16.481
But yeah, I mean honest to goodness, in this last hour.

01:01:16.481 --> 01:01:18.362
I mean, what a, what a?

01:01:18.362 --> 01:01:23.148
I forgot about the because that was that was the year, I swear to God.

01:01:23.148 --> 01:01:28.242
It was like it had been Fight Gone Bad and then they changed the name and that was the first year, crossfit for Hope.

01:01:28.242 --> 01:01:41.755
It went from Fight Gone Bad to CrossFit for Hope and I do remember that, like it was yesterday, we did, we did and I it was a.

01:01:41.755 --> 01:01:42.759
Like it was yesterday, we did, we did and I.

01:01:42.759 --> 01:01:44.543
It wasn't no, no, no, it wasn't, it was crossfit, it was crossfit for hope.

01:01:44.563 --> 01:02:16.105
They changed the movements and that was one of the things, and you know what I, I I can say this now because it's nothing you know to keep a secret but I guess my thing with that was always I, I, when it was fight gone bad at the benefit of the Wounded Warrior Project, and I don't remember what year I started, we, the first couple times we did it, we did it the way it was, a three rounds, you know, boom with a partner and so forth, and what possessed me, I think for me it was one of those like well, I can't, I can't change places with you, you know I can't, I can't change places with you.

01:02:16.105 --> 01:02:21.065
You know I can't put myself in your shoes, but what I can do is I can hurt, you know.

01:02:21.065 --> 01:02:24.925
And I remember it came to me.

01:02:24.925 --> 01:02:36.809
I was like, okay, we're taking online donations and I put it out all over social media and I was like anyone who's ever served with me, whether in the Navy or at the agency, ever.

01:02:36.809 --> 01:02:38.983
I'm like we're doing this for this cause.

01:02:38.983 --> 01:02:46.007
And I said for every 100 donation I get, I will add one round to fight gone bad.

01:02:46.007 --> 01:02:52.324
And I said, now, that's not a hundred dollars donated, it's every single 100 donation.

01:02:52.324 --> 01:03:00.903
So I think the first year I remember and of course, jen was like, oh my God, you are so stupid, like why, why would you do that?

01:03:00.903 --> 01:03:04.034
And I was like I was like listen, I'm not, I'm not.

01:03:04.034 --> 01:03:09.476
I did think this through and my thing is do you think, after the first three rounds, that I'm going to still try to?

01:03:09.476 --> 01:03:15.442
I'm not going to get those numbers every round, all I have to do is just get up every minute after every rest.

01:03:15.442 --> 01:03:16.884
I just got to get up and go again.

01:03:16.884 --> 01:03:17.945
That's all I have to do.

01:03:17.945 --> 01:03:20.586
And I can't believe you remembered that.

01:03:20.947 --> 01:03:22.349
The oranges with the skin on.

01:03:22.349 --> 01:03:27.922
Yes, I was, so I would, because we had like bags of orange slices and water.

01:03:27.922 --> 01:03:33.847
I was so hungry by that time I was like these oranges are not getting it done, right, dehydrated.

01:03:33.847 --> 01:03:39.804
Yeah, yeah, I'm like the oranges itself is not getting it done, because it's basically like flavored water, you know.

01:03:39.804 --> 01:03:40.766
So I would.

01:03:40.766 --> 01:03:42.449
I would eat the, the rind and all that.

01:03:42.449 --> 01:03:46.246
I just get something in my stomach here because this is getting ugly, but I do, and they.

01:03:46.246 --> 01:03:50.911
It was our friend dave d'alessandro, I think the first time I went into the big numbers.

01:03:50.911 --> 01:03:56.284
I was probably at like 12 rounds or something and I was like, okay, great.

01:03:56.284 --> 01:04:08.557
And then in the 11th hour he makes a $1,000 donation and I'm like I don't know if I love you or or I want to run you over with a truck two things can be true at the same time.

01:04:08.699 --> 01:04:14.302
Right, right, uh, but yeah, so that's what started, that and um wait, I want to real quick.

01:04:14.322 --> 01:04:19.519
you said something that made me think you said I I didn't have to complete it, I just had to keep starting.

01:04:19.855 --> 01:04:27.465
I just had to get to the next round, and the title of the book is called Stand, which is based on the Bible instructions of the full armor of God.

01:04:27.465 --> 01:04:29.922
There's the belt of truth, the sword of the spirit, all that stuff.

01:04:29.922 --> 01:04:40.039
But at the very end it says do all these things so that when the day of the enemy comes, or the day of evil comes, you can stand.

01:04:40.039 --> 01:04:42.186
And that got me through it, because it was like oh, I don't have to conquer.

01:04:42.206 --> 01:04:44.213
I don't even have to advance, I just.

01:04:44.213 --> 01:04:50.300
I just have to not crumble right, and so your story was like I just got to get to the next round yeah, I just have to answer the bell every time.

01:04:50.300 --> 01:04:52.746
That's all I gotta do a bunch of people that I'll.

01:04:52.746 --> 01:04:54.577
They'll just text me hashtag stand.

01:04:54.577 --> 01:04:55.800
This is long before the book and.

01:04:56.443 --> 01:05:02.621
And they know that that means, hey, I'm in the war right now and I need somebody to stand next to me Because I just don't want to crumble.

01:05:02.621 --> 01:05:05.239
Failure is the only thing I can't do today.

01:05:05.239 --> 01:05:07.228
Everything else is a win.

01:05:07.876 --> 01:05:09.858
Where's a picture of you doing that I was trying to find it.

01:05:09.878 --> 01:05:11.402
I'm not just being rude.

01:05:11.402 --> 01:05:12.903
No, no, please Listen.

01:05:12.903 --> 01:05:16.690
I'm not shy about pictures of myself, unless they make me look portly.

01:05:16.690 --> 01:05:18.172
Yeah, I love that picture.

01:05:18.172 --> 01:05:18.693
There's one.

01:05:19.235 --> 01:05:25.909
I'd have to find the photo album on Facebook, but it's from behind and I think you were trying to give Trey a high five.

01:05:28.101 --> 01:05:28.983
I have my hand out.

01:05:28.983 --> 01:05:29.846
I have my hand out.

01:05:29.846 --> 01:05:33.043
Yeah, he's like, I'd really rather not.

01:05:33.043 --> 01:05:35.061
He's like where's my friend Jen.

01:05:35.936 --> 01:05:37.543
Oh my God, how about we do?

01:05:37.543 --> 01:05:40.599
To not you know he's like where's my friend jen?

01:05:40.599 --> 01:05:45.257
Oh my god, how about we do that was, and then, to be fair, he also snubbed sydney crosby, like we're in the locker room, and I said right next to him, do you want to meet sydney?

01:05:45.257 --> 01:05:49.063
And he goes no then I I then I don't feel bad.

01:05:49.284 --> 01:05:50.246
I'm good for him.

01:05:50.246 --> 01:05:53.117
Good for him.

01:05:53.117 --> 01:06:13.782
But listen, not not many people know this too, but when, when it became crossfit for hope that year, we did it at the fire academy because we had some dear friends who were, you know, instructors at the academy, firefighters they allowed us to use that, uh, that pt area that they set up in the grass, the grassy knoll, if you will.

01:06:13.782 --> 01:06:16.510
We had a banner crossfit for hope banner.

01:06:16.510 --> 01:06:18.574
It's still in our archives somewhere.

01:06:19.416 --> 01:06:25.315
And, um, somebody was like, hey, why don't you go up and hang it from the windows in the fire tower?

01:06:25.315 --> 01:06:26.336
You know the training house?

01:06:26.336 --> 01:06:28.222
I was like, yeah, yeah, good idea.

01:06:28.222 --> 01:06:36.876
So I got like a length of cord, like, as they're setting everything up, get a length of cord pocket knife and I go up and I tied it around one window.

01:06:36.876 --> 01:06:43.858
And then I went around to the other side, like through the line around, and as I'm reaching out to pull it up, I almost fell out the damn window.

01:06:43.858 --> 01:06:50.440
I wasn't paying nearly enough attention that like, or the window's lower it would have changed I don't think listen.

01:06:50.561 --> 01:07:00.719
I'm going to say I'm not sure I would have gotten all my rounds If you would have fallen out the window had I taken that, had I taken that.

01:07:00.719 --> 01:07:01.722
But I believe in you being crossfitters.

01:07:01.722 --> 01:07:04.552
Being crossfitters, I'd have probably nailed that landing, gotten yelled at by my wife.

01:07:04.552 --> 01:07:04.873
I would have.

01:07:04.873 --> 01:07:11.637
I'd have done a, I'd have done a thor landing for sure right hey, I'm saying I use crossfit movements at work all day, every day.

01:07:13.041 --> 01:07:16.670
turkish get-ups with toddlers, that's what I do.

01:07:17.652 --> 01:07:18.434
You literally do, though.

01:07:19.237 --> 01:07:21.204
I don't hold them up above my head you should.

01:07:21.204 --> 01:07:23.855
When they're sleeping in my arms on the floor, I can get up to standing.

01:07:23.855 --> 01:07:24.179
What about when?

01:07:24.199 --> 01:07:25.393
they're actively pooping or throwing up.

01:07:25.393 --> 01:07:26.800
You keep them far away from your body.

01:07:26.860 --> 01:07:27.603
Yes, I can go like that.

01:07:28.126 --> 01:07:28.768
At arm's length.

01:07:29.130 --> 01:07:33.030
Yeah, no it's functional.

01:07:37.835 --> 01:07:40.726
It's bringing it all back to functional, functional fitness, and you're going to carry me through the airport when we go to St Lucia next week.

01:07:40.746 --> 01:07:42.472
Yes, just like that, grandmother carried her grandson Nice, that would be special.

01:07:42.472 --> 01:07:42.672
I like it.

01:07:42.672 --> 01:07:43.315
That would be nice, I like it.

01:07:43.315 --> 01:07:43.835
That should be a.

01:07:43.835 --> 01:07:45.876
What's the new thing that all the kids are using now?

01:07:45.876 --> 01:07:51.318
Tick space or something, snapchat, snapchat.

01:07:51.318 --> 01:07:52.139
I don't either.

01:07:52.139 --> 01:07:53.438
Do you snap?

01:07:53.438 --> 01:07:54.480
I'm like go away.

01:07:54.980 --> 01:07:55.739
You try to survive.

01:07:55.739 --> 01:07:56.541
You're like I wish we could.

01:07:56.541 --> 01:07:57.880
Yeah, I had Snapchat for like six hours.

01:07:58.221 --> 01:07:58.481
Right.

01:07:58.481 --> 01:08:03.083
So now I will say this, though I will say this this is invasive maybe, but I don't care.

01:08:03.083 --> 01:08:04.963
Yeah, I lost it.

01:08:04.963 --> 01:08:09.505
Jen and the kids are on Snapchat, so they do their like what do you call it A streak?

01:08:09.505 --> 01:08:17.009
Yeah, so they said I'm just, I'm not invited, I'm invited, I'm just irresponsible, so I'd ruin the streak.

01:08:17.009 --> 01:08:21.430
But what is funny is Jen would be like okay, where's our boy?

01:08:21.430 --> 01:08:22.712
Like she's checking.

01:08:22.712 --> 01:08:30.064
Oh, he's at the frat house, oh, he's up at his dorm, you know, or wherever which.

01:08:30.083 --> 01:08:30.926
I think is pretty cool.

01:08:30.926 --> 01:08:34.840
So Well, I found the pictures of that day, but I don't have the one of my going over to.

01:08:34.859 --> 01:08:36.768
Yeah, I can't find the photo album.

01:08:36.768 --> 01:08:37.489
I don't know how to do it.

01:08:38.073 --> 01:08:39.261
I don't know why I don't have that one?

01:08:39.261 --> 01:08:43.104
Because I have the picture of your kids over playing under the pull-up bars.

01:08:43.104 --> 01:08:46.219
Yeah, even Zach is there.

01:08:46.219 --> 01:08:49.407
Oh, wow, wow.

01:08:51.895 --> 01:08:56.042
Yeah, we've had some crazy experiences, right.

01:08:56.122 --> 01:08:56.664
A living life.

01:08:56.664 --> 01:08:58.239
That's all it's community.

01:08:58.555 --> 01:09:03.059
Yeah that's for sure, ups downs and sideways, and you know I'm never, ever you will never hear.

01:09:03.059 --> 01:09:04.581
I mean reality TV.

01:09:04.581 --> 01:09:09.890
I'm not sure that reality TV is not a big part of the decline of our society.

01:09:09.890 --> 01:09:13.637
I'm really not sure that it's not Sure, you know, and.

01:09:13.637 --> 01:09:15.360
But then I look at it and I go.

01:09:15.360 --> 01:09:21.470
But you know, what's really kind of pathetic though is like look at the nature of the reality shows, like there are what values?

01:09:21.470 --> 01:09:32.161
There are none, you know, maybe what we need is a reality show of like and I think nailed it, oh my gosh, yes, yeah, look at it.

01:09:32.161 --> 01:09:33.884
He, the look on him.

01:09:33.884 --> 01:09:38.130
He's like get away, please acknowledge my presence.

01:09:38.896 --> 01:09:40.314
He's like orange skin eater get away.

01:09:42.118 --> 01:09:43.600
Yeah, that's a great picture.

01:09:43.600 --> 01:09:45.484
He's a babe.

01:09:45.484 --> 01:09:47.506
That's a great picture, thank you.

01:09:48.448 --> 01:09:55.180
Thank you, but yeah, that's not even the one I was thinking of.

01:09:55.180 --> 01:09:55.842
You smell weird.

01:09:57.356 --> 01:09:58.279
I can only imagine.

01:09:58.279 --> 01:09:59.576
I can only imagine.

01:09:59.576 --> 01:10:00.478
But you know what, though?

01:10:00.478 --> 01:10:09.527
I think what was great about those those uh, well, not those times, cause we're still, we're just in the 2.0 or 3.0 version of it.

01:10:09.527 --> 01:10:11.958
You know, like you said, it doesn't have to be anything bad.

01:10:11.958 --> 01:10:14.484
The way the community rallies, you know, uh, and we take on.

01:10:14.484 --> 01:10:15.226
You know, like like Murph, for example.

01:10:15.226 --> 01:10:15.828
You know, uh, and we take on.

01:10:15.828 --> 01:10:17.351
You know, like like Murph, for example.

01:10:17.351 --> 01:10:27.944
You know that's a big deal to the CrossFit community and I think every year it's just, it's one of those things that you go, you know, and and I do, I do think this, and maybe it's all part of the process, I would.

01:10:28.025 --> 01:10:45.328
I would think last October was the 20th anniversary of my losing my teammates in Gaza, right, and I think it was the first year that I was really aware that I kind of maybe turned that corner where I was now celebrating that they lived.

01:10:45.328 --> 01:10:56.100
You know, because before that, I mean it was, it was dark, and I remember thinking I was like you know, it's carrying this for 18, 19 years.

01:10:56.100 --> 01:11:01.037
Is is a, is is heavy, you know, but I think that's the, that's the thing, you know.

01:11:01.037 --> 01:11:03.845
This this last year was like, and I don't, I don't.

01:11:03.845 --> 01:11:06.243
And then then, ironically, right, I wanted to.

01:11:06.423 --> 01:11:19.122
I wanted to launch the first episode of the podcast on October 15th to tell their story, and of course, you know, october 7th happens, you know, like unprecedented, unheard of.

01:11:19.122 --> 01:11:20.323
And I'm happens, unprecedented, unheard of.

01:11:20.323 --> 01:11:30.612
And that really kind of rocked me a bit because I'm like, okay, here we go, same group, same bad guys, only now they are essentially like, they have become ISIS.

01:11:30.612 --> 01:11:43.083
They're no longer like a secondary group working, working in the, in the, in the shadows.

01:11:43.083 --> 01:11:48.180
You know, um, and the audacity of, of, of an action like that on civilians again, I think that's the part that gets me the most is, you know what pick a military target.

01:11:48.180 --> 01:11:57.185
We could still be enemies and you still will lose, but pick a military target, but you're not, because you're not soldiers, you're not warriors, you're not even men.

01:11:57.185 --> 01:12:08.082
You know that's the most cowardly, dastardly act to target elderly, women, children, I, you know, but I get off the point, but, um, I right but I do remember.

01:12:08.483 --> 01:12:12.136
I really wanted that to be the launch I came down with.

01:12:12.136 --> 01:12:13.198
I'm going to call it the flu.

01:12:13.198 --> 01:12:19.063
Jen decides she's going to get because you know what she always got to do a little bit better, a little bit faster than me, right?

01:12:19.063 --> 01:12:20.667
So jen goes and gets covid.

01:12:20.667 --> 01:12:27.043
Then her grandmother decides she's going to join in on the action and she does a swan dive on our patio.

01:12:27.043 --> 01:12:31.757
Yeah, walker goes one way, she goes the other way, lands on her face.

01:12:31.939 --> 01:12:35.543
It's crazy crazy but yeah, so that kind of put us off a little bit.

01:12:35.543 --> 01:12:36.445
But I digress.

01:12:36.445 --> 01:12:44.139
But first a word from our sponsor Wrapping it up, Wrapping it up, Guys.

01:12:44.139 --> 01:12:44.840
Thank you so much.

01:12:44.840 --> 01:12:45.501
No, thank you.

01:12:45.501 --> 01:12:47.302
Thank you so much, Many levels.

01:12:47.302 --> 01:12:47.604
Thank you.

01:12:47.604 --> 01:12:48.243
This was great.

01:12:48.243 --> 01:12:48.925
This was great.

01:12:48.925 --> 01:12:51.028
I really appreciate you being here and sharing this with us.

01:12:51.047 --> 01:12:52.210
I'm glad you stayed, jim.

01:12:52.210 --> 01:12:56.118
Yeah, you and your shoe you and your shoe.

01:12:56.520 --> 01:13:04.963
We haven't seen the shoe for a minute, but, noble, you're about to see it up your ass, right, all right, thank you everyone.

01:13:04.963 --> 01:13:06.328
Thank you, guys, that's all, thank you.