Embracing the Human Experience

Welcome to the executive coach for moms podcast where we support women who are attempting to find balance and joy, while simultaneously leading people at work and at home. I'm your host Leanna Lasky, McGrath, former tech exec turned full time mom, recovering perfectionist and workaholic, and certified executive coach.

Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the show. Thanks so much for joining me. Today, I want to talk about the human experience, as I have been in it for the past week. I last week had surgery on my hip. And so I have been recovering. And I have to say that having surgery is a very humbling experience, I have to rely on everybody around me to take care of me because there's a lot I can't do for myself right now. And I'm very appreciative to have people taking great care of me. 

So I figured that today was a great time to talk about the human experience. I had also planned on talking about this with my sister last week during our Barbie episode when we talked about the Barbie movie, because I thought they did such a nice job of really depicting the human experience. And I loved one of the things that they said wish was Barbie asked if she could be human. And I think it was more of a realization that it's not something that anyone has to give permission to do. We are all on this human experience. And as long as we are alive, we are having a human experience. I think that as women, we have been taught that we need to hold ourselves to a higher standard than being human. So we should be superhuman and kind of rise above and honestly admitting that I am a human has been one of the hardest, and also one of the most revolutionary things that I've done in my growth experience. Because what does it mean to have a human experience? 

So I think one of the really important concepts of the human experience is that the understanding that it is supposed to be 50/50, that we are supposed to feel great and have wonderful experiences half the time, and the opposite the other half the time kind of the yin and the yang. And I think that we have this false conception that we are all supposed to be happy 100% of the time. And so anytime that things are not perfect or wonderful are we're not feeling happy, suddenly, we feel like something's gone wrong. We're not doing it right. And we start to kind of resist whatever is happening. So I also want to talk today a little bit about acceptance and resistance. But I think that's a really important foundational concept is just that we are supposed to have a great time, half the time and not so great. The other half of time, it's just part of being human. 

So when I came out of surgery, I felt awful. The anesthesia made me very, very sick and nauseous. And honestly, that day was like one of the least enjoyable days that I can remember experiencing. And I think during it, I just kept reminding myself, this is temporary, this is part of the human experience. This will pass. And it did. It was not pleasant when it was happening. But it did ultimately pass. So I want to talk about that concept. 

I think whenever we have something negative that happens in our life or just a shitty circumstance in general. So maybe we have a surgery or an injury, we make a mistake. We don't win an award that we wanted, we don't get a promotion that we wanted, we don't get the house that we wanted, etc. So just something that I would call a shitty circumstance for us. We then often have resistance to it. So we have these thoughts about like, this isn't fair, it shouldn't be this way. Why did this happen to me? Why does this always happen to me we kind of resist the circumstance we resist what is rather than accepting the things that are right in front of us and because we are overachievers we add another layer on top of that. 

Not only do we look at the circumstance and add a layer of external resistance like something's happening in the world that is wrong. Well, we also add some internal resistance as well. So something is wrong with us. And we start questioning ourselves and judging ourselves, we shouldn't have done that we should have done that. If only I were smarter, skinnier, prettier, better, if only I had done XYZ, then maybe this wouldn't have happened. And so on top of the kind of external resistance, we also add that layer of shame internally, so we have the circumstance. And then we add the external, and then we add the internal and so that shitty circumstance becomes like 100 times worse than it actually was originally, right? 

In my situation, I had a surgery, it's not something that anyone enjoys, like, it's not a fun day, surgery day, right, and the recovery and being dependent on everybody. But I think that that is the circumstance and then I have the option of what I want to think about that. And I can choose to add on all kinds of things about how it isn't fair, I can judge myself about how old I am that I'm having hip surgery, I couldn't be upset about the fact that I can't really do a lot of things for myself right now that I can't drive or walk without crutches, I have that choice of feeling all those things in thinking all those things. Or I can choose to just recognize that this is where I am today. And this is what's happening. And I can just be with what is. 

And I think that whenever I was preparing for this surgery, I did a lot of physical preparation to get my body. In a place where it was really strong, I did a ton of physical therapy, to be really strong leading up to this so that I would be able to have a more successful recovery and outcome. And simultaneously, I also did a lot of mental preparation as well, just sitting with the feelings that I have about this setting with knowing that there's a period of time where I'm going to be in recovery. And I think it's been really helpful because I'm only one weekend. But in this past week, it's kind of allowed me to whenever those feelings come up as they do like, Oh, I wish I were further along. Like I talked to the nurse the other day, and I said, I've been doing all the stretches you gave me like, can you give me more? Isn't there anything else I can do to kind of speed things up here. And you know, it was a good reminder that I am where I am, and just for me to kind of be where I am. 

And it's like we have this time. So I have the next six weeks for next five weeks now of recovery. And then the full recovery is six months to a year, that time is gonna pass no matter what. So I can choose to spend that time making the most of it and enjoying it as much as I can. I've been finding ways to play with my daughter when I'm kind of sitting down or unable to kind of chase her around. And we've found ways to have fun or again, spend that time ruminating and judging myself for whatever led to me needing this surgery, I shouldn't have done this, you know, If only my body were stronger, and also kind of judging myself for not being able to do things for myself. But I don't know, I mean, the time is gonna pass regardless, so I have the opportunity to choose how I feel during that time. And I think it's an important thing to remember that we always have the opportunity to do that. 

So here's what I'm gonna suggest that whenever we encounter a shitty circumstance, I think it's so important to notice what thoughts are coming up about it? Are we starting to add on thoughts about how it shouldn't be this way? Are we resisting? Or are we adding on shame about how something's wrong with us because of this circumstance, I think it's so important to notice those things. And the best way we can do that is to write down our thoughts, just download it all onto piece of paper, and then read it back and really just kind of start to notice what we are thinking about that shitty circumstance. And then we can kind of peel all that back and peel back those layers and figure out how do we actually feel about that thing, that one circumstance and let ourselves feel it because we have circumstances in our lives that are not going to be pleasant. And I think that the best way that we can move forward with them is to just deal with them as they are and to not add on a bunch of resistance, but work to move toward a place of acceptance so that we can move on with our lives and and get through the shitty thing and maybe even look for ways that we can enjoy pieces of it when we're in a less than ideal circumstance. 

And just a note, I am not talking about actual injustices that happen in the world. Of course, I would never recommend that we just accept those and don't resist those, there is a place in time for resistance rather than acceptance. But I think a lot of the circumstances that happen in our lives, there's a lot more room for acceptance, and a lot of space to kind of drop that resistance and peel back those layers. 

So I think it's just really important to remember, it's all part of the human experience, all the good stuff, and all the bad stuff. It's not supposed to be perfect. We are not supposed to be happy 100% of the time, we're supposed to be happy half the time. So if we're doing better than that, great. That's a win. So I am recording this for all of you. And also for me, because further along in my recovery from the surgery, I may need to listen back as a reminder, because certainly all of us have challenges whenever we're dealing with these unpleasant circumstances, and I am no different. So thank you all for tuning in today. I hope that you start to learn to embrace your humaneness as well. It is a journey. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day, and a wonderful week and I'll talk to you next week. Bye. 

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai