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4 Communication TIPS for MEN that will have a BIG IMPACT in Your Marriage in 2023 | Venusian Decoded

4 Communication TIPS for MEN that will have a BIG IMPACT in Your Marriage in 2023 | Venusian Decoded

Are you having trouble communicating with your spouse?
This podcast is about How to effectively communicate with your spouse. I learned that in order to communicate effectively, you need to understand your spouse's personality type and what communica...

Are you having trouble communicating with your spouse?

This podcast is about How to effectively communicate with your spouse. I learned that in order to communicate effectively, you need to understand your spouse's personality type and what communication style they prefer. You also need to make sure you are timing your conversations well and front-loading the conversation with priority information. Lastly, you need to make sure your spouse feels heard.

"Communication is a two way street, so listen more than you talk in a conversation and make sure you're paying attention to what she has to say."

In this episode, you will learn the following:

 

1. How effective communication can change your relationship

2. The importance of knowing your spouse's communication preferences

3. How the PCM communication model can help you better understand your spouse

 

Resources:

Fallible Man Coaching Services:

If you need some help conquering your goals, building a plan and seeking the life you want to live you can find me at www.thefalliblmean.com/coaching and schedule a discovery call and work with me directly.

 

Other episodes you'll enjoy:

Renew Your Marriage! Marriage Secrets for a Strong Marriage

https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/renew-your-marriage-marriage-secrets-for-a-strong-marriage/

 

Marriage Advice: Secrets to a 20 Year Marriage

https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/marriage-advice-secrets-to-a-20-year-marriage/

 

Sexual Kung Fu? | Tantra for Men

https://www.thefalliblemanpodcast.com/sexual-kung-fu-tantra-for-men/

 

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Transcript
1 00:00:00,180 --> 00:00:01,190 Do you speak Venusian? 2 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,700 I'm not talking about the made up language of people who identify as from Venus. 3 00:00:06,510 --> 00:00:08,010 I guess that's a thing now. 4 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:08,610 I don't know. 5 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:12,510 I'm talking about knowing how to communicate with the 6 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:13,950 opposite sex effectively. 7 00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:19,140 CS Lewis wrote in the hideous strength, the cardinal difficulty said McAffee. 8 00:00:19,965 --> 00:00:23,865 In collaboration between the sexes that women speak a language without nouns. 9 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:27,404 If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, put this 10 00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:30,644 bowl inside the bigger bowl, which we'll find on top of a green cupboard. 11 00:00:31,305 --> 00:00:36,130 The female for this is, put that one put that in the other one there. 12 00:00:36,490 --> 00:00:39,910 And then if you ask them in where they say in there, of course 13 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,030 there's consequently a phatic hiatus 14 00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,110 I said that wrong. 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,050 Maybe that's extreme, maybe not. 16 00:00:48,470 --> 00:00:51,680 But we do communicate differently and knowing how to communicate 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,500 effectively will change your relationship in a huge way. 18 00:00:54,860 --> 00:00:55,460 So let's go. 19 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,800 Here's the million dollar question. 20 00:00:58,310 --> 00:01:02,000 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:05,760 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 22 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:10,820 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 23 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:13,340 That's the question in this podcast. 24 00:01:13,670 --> 00:01:14,960 We'll help you with those answers. 25 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:18,080 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 26 00:01:18,110 --> 00:01:20,030 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all 27 00:01:20,030 --> 00:01:21,410 things, man, husband, and father. 28 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,180 Big shout out to the fallible nation. 29 00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:25,580 You guys make things like this possible and a warm welcome 30 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:26,600 to our first time listeners. 31 00:01:26,990 --> 00:01:29,390 My name is Brent and I am the Fallible man, in case you were 32 00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:30,860 confused about that, but I doubt it. 33 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,610 I was just doing a show with our friends over at Love Vitamins 34 00:01:34,610 --> 00:01:38,000 for Relationships podcast and had a great time talking marriage. 35 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,830 And as always, you learn when you share. 36 00:01:40,430 --> 00:01:44,570 So I wanted to share four communication tips that really helped Sarah and I when 37 00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:48,650 we aren't communicating the best to come back to solid ground and be together. 38 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:51,830 Things that have kept us together in good times and bad 39 00:01:51,830 --> 00:01:53,630 times for 21 years of marriage. 40 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:55,790 So let's get into this guys. 41 00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:59,810 Number one, how does my spouse communicate by preference? 42 00:02:00,270 --> 00:02:04,010 There are a lot of different ways to communicate, and if you're communicating 43 00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:07,700 one way and she's communicating another, you may be having a Mars 44 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:08,990 versus being this kind of discuss. 45 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:13,670 There are some major things to consider before an important conversation 46 00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:16,130 and really in every conversation. 47 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:20,030 So here's a couple questions I want you to ask yourself before you start 48 00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:22,430 a communication with your spouse. 49 00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:27,830 Does she prefer to communicate verbally writing or in some other form, does she 50 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:29,990 need privacy to talk away from others? 51 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:33,020 Are showcase having a casual conversation around people. 52 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,720 That will really depend on the conversation you're having. 53 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:41,000 Possibly not always do you need to position yourself beside her in 54 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,130 the same room, with her eye to eye. 55 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:47,930 Where do you physically need to be to communicate ideally with her? 56 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,890 These are all things to consider when you're communicating with her. 57 00:02:51,895 --> 00:02:55,610 If you want a positive communication, then those questions really need to be 58 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,380 answered, and those are the easy ones. 59 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:00,800 Number two is the timing, right or. 60 00:03:02,255 --> 00:03:05,555 Now you can derail an entire conversation with some bad timing. 61 00:03:06,605 --> 00:03:10,865 There are things you have to communicate without waiting, but those 62 00:03:10,865 --> 00:03:12,305 are actually far and few between. 63 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:17,255 You can also can't wait for the perfect time because we 64 00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:18,645 error on that side too, right? 65 00:03:18,645 --> 00:03:20,087 It doesn't exist for all subjects. 66 00:03:20,657 --> 00:03:24,797 You just have to pick a more effective and preferable time 67 00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:26,597 than waiting for the per perfect. 68 00:03:27,422 --> 00:03:29,972 Try these questions before you engage in an important 69 00:03:29,972 --> 00:03:31,142 conversation with your spouse. 70 00:03:32,072 --> 00:03:34,172 Is she focused on something else right now? 71 00:03:35,072 --> 00:03:37,712 Is this interrupting something she's doing right now? 72 00:03:38,492 --> 00:03:40,592 Is she stressed about something currently? 73 00:03:42,152 --> 00:03:45,362 Is it pressing or does it need to wait for a little while? 74 00:03:46,362 --> 00:03:50,612 Will the conversation derail the direction you need to move in the next 75 00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:53,282 30 minutes for an 10 hour or longer? 76 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,312 What's your motivation behind the convers. 77 00:03:57,107 --> 00:04:01,757 Are you right to wanna talk to her now or is that just your, 78 00:04:02,507 --> 00:04:05,927 some selfishness pushing through and it could actually, wait. 79 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,527 These are all really important questions and you may have to 80 00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:10,817 go back and write them all down. 81 00:04:11,537 --> 00:04:12,937 I'm not gonna write them all out for you. 82 00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:13,937 You guys are pretty smart. 83 00:04:14,477 --> 00:04:17,207 Number three, priorities and processes. 84 00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:20,957 We all process information at our own speed. 85 00:04:21,587 --> 00:04:23,297 Some of us quite differe. 86 00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:25,832 I process stuff very rapidly. 87 00:04:25,892 --> 00:04:30,872 If I'm not already distracted with a dozen other things, my wife 88 00:04:30,872 --> 00:04:35,582 needs a proposal, contemplation, reflection, clarity, questions, more 89 00:04:35,582 --> 00:04:37,892 contemplation than your opinion on it. 90 00:04:37,922 --> 00:04:40,022 Then more time, and then she's ready. 91 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,152 Now, I don't say that to pick on my wife. 92 00:04:42,992 --> 00:04:48,302 She's just processing information in a very different way than I am, which this 93 00:04:48,302 --> 00:04:50,492 alone has resulted in a lot of arguments. 94 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:52,202 I didn't understand this early on. 95 00:04:52,607 --> 00:04:56,247 And how much has stressed her out for me to push for that response 96 00:04:56,252 --> 00:05:00,257 right now because I'm, Hey, I'm, I can process it just quick, quick, 97 00:05:00,257 --> 00:05:01,787 quick, and I'm ready for an answer. 98 00:05:01,787 --> 00:05:06,227 And I don't understand why we don't have immediate responses and answers to things. 99 00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:11,747 This has taken a lot of time for me to prime refine and I exaggerated my wife's 100 00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:16,367 process just to make sure you understand people process things differently, in 101 00:05:16,397 --> 00:05:18,107 different speeds and in different ways. 102 00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,507 Some people need the clarity questions. 103 00:05:20,507 --> 00:05:22,174 Some people need more time to think about it. 104 00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:25,954 Some people need your opinion and you weigh in on it, or they weigh in on it. 105 00:05:26,434 --> 00:05:27,724 There's a lot at stake. 106 00:05:28,174 --> 00:05:32,854 So before you start the conversation, try asking yourself these questions. 107 00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:38,164 Put priority information well before you start the conversation, not questions. 108 00:05:38,164 --> 00:05:41,584 Really put priority information in the front of the conversation. 109 00:05:41,614 --> 00:05:42,214 Front loaded. 110 00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:43,294 If you. 111 00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:48,169 An answer if you want to actually have something weighed and get some kinda 112 00:05:48,169 --> 00:05:50,239 response front, load the conversation. 113 00:05:50,239 --> 00:05:51,919 Put priority information in the front. 114 00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:56,059 Don't add distractions and useless information that isn't 115 00:05:56,059 --> 00:05:58,579 relevant during the conversation. 116 00:05:58,579 --> 00:06:03,919 If you want to speed up that response time, if there's a time factor, you 117 00:06:03,919 --> 00:06:08,059 need to let her know upfront and why there is a time factor affecting it. 118 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:10,639 So she knows at the beginning of the conversation that we really need to 119 00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:13,309 come to some kind of decision on this. 120 00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:18,984 Allow for time to process at her chosen speed, if at all possible. 121 00:06:19,624 --> 00:06:23,704 If she needs to talk through it and gra to it as detailed, then do it. 122 00:06:24,064 --> 00:06:26,344 Allow for that when you start the conversation. 123 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,484 You better know that going in. 124 00:06:27,904 --> 00:06:30,244 If she needs time to think, don't rush it. 125 00:06:30,274 --> 00:06:35,794 You have to allow for that going in unless there's an ultimatum time issue in play. 126 00:06:36,334 --> 00:06:38,794 If she's a quick processor, make sure you have quick answers 127 00:06:38,794 --> 00:06:40,714 ready if she has more questions. 128 00:06:41,719 --> 00:06:44,899 Which you should have going in the conversation that matters. 129 00:06:45,979 --> 00:06:46,609 Number four. 130 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:50,449 Now, this is the secret sauce guys. 131 00:06:50,449 --> 00:06:51,949 This is the Venusian right here. 132 00:06:52,609 --> 00:06:55,009 Know her personality type for communication. 133 00:06:56,359 --> 00:07:01,279 Most people have never heard, are not familiar with the 134 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:04,129 concept of PCM communication. 135 00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:07,969 PCM communication is, it's every. 136 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:12,979 Every marketing firm in large business in the world uses 137 00:07:12,979 --> 00:07:14,809 this every day to reach you. 138 00:07:15,799 --> 00:07:19,309 PCM communication is actually used in over 200 countries and in 139 00:07:19,339 --> 00:07:21,769 every Fortune 500 country company. 140 00:07:22,129 --> 00:07:24,589 NASA's been using it for 20 years. 141 00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:29,779 Great speakers practice and learn PCM communication model, and 142 00:07:29,779 --> 00:07:33,679 this is actually broken down the process communication model, pcm. 143 00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:35,689 It's been used forever. 144 00:07:36,199 --> 00:07:37,729 Now, I could go really deep on. 145 00:07:38,704 --> 00:07:41,644 But I don't think I'm actually necessarily qualified to do it. 146 00:07:42,124 --> 00:07:44,734 I think you can even get certified in PCM communication. 147 00:07:44,734 --> 00:07:48,334 But here's what you need to know, what's really relevant to you on this. 148 00:07:48,964 --> 00:07:53,314 There are six major personality types, and most people are a combination of two. 149 00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:59,074 The six personality types are the thinker, the persister, the harmonizer, the 150 00:07:59,074 --> 00:08:02,104 imagineer, the rebel, and the promoter. 151 00:08:02,344 --> 00:08:04,324 No, this is not some pseudoscience. 152 00:08:04,324 --> 00:08:05,434 This is not star charts. 153 00:08:05,434 --> 00:08:07,504 This is not some woo-hoo kind of nonsense. 154 00:08:08,584 --> 00:08:11,014 This is beyond research. 155 00:08:12,184 --> 00:08:15,334 Companies use this every day to try and convince you to buy things 156 00:08:15,334 --> 00:08:18,064 like this is the big marketing sword most people don't know about. 157 00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:26,524 Each of these six communication types has a very specific style of 158 00:08:26,524 --> 00:08:31,714 communication that is more important, more effective, and more efficient for them. 159 00:08:32,614 --> 00:08:34,114 My wife is a thinker and an. 160 00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:42,739 When I talk to her, I need to feed her communication needs with logic and 161 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:48,139 facts that are clear and fact field with a bit of creativity and some dreams. 162 00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:52,969 Terminology, like, imagine what we could do if we took this money 163 00:08:52,974 --> 00:08:56,359 and invested it in X for our home. 164 00:08:56,959 --> 00:08:59,609 Then en listed the practical applications of such. 165 00:08:59,829 --> 00:09:00,809 Pur said Purchas. 166 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:06,139 Followed by think of how much easier it would make this part of your day 167 00:09:06,139 --> 00:09:07,729 and free up some of our schedule. 168 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,519 Does this sound like a marketing campaign to you? 169 00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:13,069 It's the basic format for a few, right? 170 00:09:13,069 --> 00:09:14,449 It's dream. 171 00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:17,269 And imagine what it can be and how great that can be. 172 00:09:17,629 --> 00:09:22,369 List the practical and then go back to ending with dreaming 173 00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:23,449 of the freedom that you want. 174 00:09:24,529 --> 00:09:24,949 Okay. 175 00:09:25,249 --> 00:09:28,279 Now it's a very common format for a lot of advertis. 176 00:09:28,984 --> 00:09:31,894 This same conversation actually doesn't do anything for me. 177 00:09:31,894 --> 00:09:33,524 This doesn't reach me in advertising. 178 00:09:34,654 --> 00:09:40,834 I know this one is a bit more complicated than some of your other, some of 179 00:09:40,834 --> 00:09:45,124 the other points I brought up, but trust me, it's absolutely worth it. 180 00:09:46,054 --> 00:09:47,764 It is not just forgetting what you want. 181 00:09:47,764 --> 00:09:52,774 By the way, this fyi, my wife has the same psychological needs 182 00:09:52,774 --> 00:09:53,974 in all the conversations she. 183 00:09:54,859 --> 00:09:58,849 So when I talk to her, the language I use is critical to her feeling good 184 00:09:58,849 --> 00:10:01,579 about the conversation and feeling like we had a complete conversation. 185 00:10:02,209 --> 00:10:08,899 I need to communicate with the terminology, with the language, 186 00:10:09,439 --> 00:10:14,509 with the words that speak to her and communicate clearly to her. 187 00:10:15,259 --> 00:10:16,939 We need to cover the logical portion. 188 00:10:16,939 --> 00:10:19,729 We need to cover the imagination and dream portion of it. 189 00:10:20,689 --> 00:10:22,709 And I also know I need to give her some time. 190 00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:26,074 Now if you wanna communicate effectively with your spouse and be the king of 191 00:10:26,074 --> 00:10:30,184 communicating, it will be worth the short amount of time that it will take 192 00:10:30,184 --> 00:10:34,174 you to understand the basic concepts. 193 00:10:34,179 --> 00:10:38,164 Cuz you don't have to go deep into PCM guys, you don't have 194 00:10:38,164 --> 00:10:40,054 to get a certification, you don't have to become an expert. 195 00:10:41,314 --> 00:10:43,084 It will be well worth the short amount of time. 196 00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:46,504 It'll take you to Google and YouTube PCM communication to 197 00:10:46,504 --> 00:10:49,934 get a better understanding of communicating with your spouse. 198 00:10:50,764 --> 00:10:51,334 I promise. 199 00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:56,734 Once you do, it will increase the power in your conversations and 200 00:10:56,734 --> 00:11:00,244 both of you will come away from conversations feeling more complete and 201 00:11:00,244 --> 00:11:01,804 like you had a better communication. 202 00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:04,564 This is really, really powerful. 203 00:11:05,224 --> 00:11:07,894 If you're willing to do a little bit of homework, like I said, 204 00:11:07,894 --> 00:11:09,004 it's not gonna take you long. 205 00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:12,904 Bonus tip guys, make sure she feels. 206 00:11:14,479 --> 00:11:15,979 Communication is a two-way street. 207 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:19,909 So listen more than you talk in a conversation and make sure you are 208 00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:22,279 paying attention to what she has to say. 209 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:25,729 Now guys, I haven't done this on the last couple shows, but I 210 00:11:25,729 --> 00:11:28,099 wanted to thank all of you guys. 211 00:11:28,099 --> 00:11:29,839 You guys are doing amazing things for me. 212 00:11:30,169 --> 00:11:35,539 This is a reason review thoroughly inspiring as a thoughtful, 213 00:11:35,539 --> 00:11:38,959 engaging storyteller, Brent serves to remind us that a foul man is 214 00:11:39,049 --> 00:11:40,459 an empowered and aware human. 215 00:11:41,389 --> 00:11:44,599 The content messaging throughout his program speaks volumes about the 216 00:11:44,599 --> 00:11:48,019 toolbox needed to live as a person of integrity while nevertheless 217 00:11:48,019 --> 00:11:49,789 remaining humble and imperfect. 218 00:11:50,449 --> 00:11:54,349 I keep this pod in my permanent playlist of infinitely inspiring and uplifting 219 00:11:54,349 --> 00:11:57,199 gems that was from a user upon a branch. 220 00:11:57,589 --> 00:11:58,489 Thank you so much. 221 00:11:58,494 --> 00:12:03,139 You guys have no idea how powerful those reviews are for us. 222 00:12:03,589 --> 00:12:07,969 They help us get ranked and share and get spread even 223 00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,919 farther upon Apple Podcast users. 224 00:12:10,744 --> 00:12:14,824 They make sure more people hear about the show and guys, they mean a world to me. 225 00:12:14,824 --> 00:12:18,724 They inspire me, they encourage me to keep going on this, and so thank 226 00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:20,344 you upon a branch for sharing that. 227 00:12:20,374 --> 00:12:21,304 I apologize. 228 00:12:21,304 --> 00:12:24,484 I have been reading these on some of the shows and I told you guys I 229 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:28,084 was going to, guys, if you want to communicate more effectively with your 230 00:12:28,089 --> 00:12:34,804 spouse, you absolutely want to just solidify that because that will change 231 00:12:34,804 --> 00:12:37,294 your relationship in 2023 and beyond. 232 00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:40,399 You need to level up your communication skills. 233 00:12:40,729 --> 00:12:43,219 And guys, if you wanna work with me directly, go to 234 00:12:44,029 --> 00:12:49,219 www.fallibleman.com/coaching to check into our personal development 235 00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,629 and lifestyle coaching for men. 236 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:53,839 I would love to meet with you on a discovery call and 237 00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:54,889 see if we're the right fit. 238 00:12:55,219 --> 00:12:58,489 If you think I can help you, cuz I would love to just walk that walk with. 239 00:12:59,644 --> 00:13:00,604 Thanks for listening, guys. 240 00:13:00,604 --> 00:13:03,364 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 241 00:13:03,874 --> 00:13:06,364 This has been The Fallible Man Podcast. 242 00:13:06,964 --> 00:13:10,234 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 243 00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:13,444 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 244 00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:20,644 Head over to www.thefellowman.com for more content and get 245 00:13:20,644 --> 00:13:22,144 your own Fallible man gear.