Calm Under Pressure: Communication Strategies for High-Stakes Situations

[00:00:00] If, if our audience hears nothing else from you today and it doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be on the show, whether it's what we're talking about in the show, but our audience hears nothing else from you today. What is the most important thing you want them to hear from you today? I think they need to realize that their words have meaning.

And the way they communicate those words, um, can really help somebody or it can cut them. People just don't realize, you know, what you say to people. I mean, I'm dealing with people that coach that, you know, because of what was said to them by their parents or their guardians or, you know, things like that.

And just to be able to uplift somebody with words. Um, it really goes a long way, so I would just share with everybody, especially if they start this new year, you know, watch what you say and how you say it and be strategic with your words.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men [00:01:00] like us reach our full potential, growing to the men we dream of being, while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast? We'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. Welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. That's our private community. And there's more about that in the show notes or description, whatever platform you're joining us from.

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And, uh, let's, let's hear what you have to say about it. I'd love to know today. My guest is CEO of Alliance Seminars Coaching and Keto speaker, Daryl Williams. [00:02:00] Daryl, welcome to the fallible man podcast. Thank you, Brent. Glad to be here. So Daryl, we start on the lighter side. How's your trivia skills?

Depending on if it's talking about the Raiders or not, if it's not the Raiders, they're not that good. Fair enough. You know, everybody has their thing. So we've got a random preview question and you take your best guess and we'll get back to it. Okay. How many wives did Henry VIII have? Was it one, three, Four or six.

I'll just say three. Three. All right, guys, you know, the rules don't cheat. Don't skip ahead. Don't look it up. Remember your answer. If you're driving, please, for God's sake, do not write while you're driving. And we'll come back to that a little bit later. Darryl, I don't do big introductions. So today at this moment, nothing else.

Just today at this moment, who is Darryl Williams? Well, in life today, basically, um, I'm just an individual who's had a lot of experience and I try to use that experience [00:03:00] to help people, um, whether it's on the job, whether it's in the community or doing the workshops and facilitation. Um, my biggest thing now is just giving back and paying it forward.

Awesome. Awesome. I love that. I love that attitude right there. Now you've been married. 23 plus years. Is that correct? I was researching before the show. How long? Yeah. 25 years. September 5th. Man. Congratulations. That's awesome. Thank you. It is awesome. Children? Yes. My oldest is in second year in high school, in college, and then the twins are juniors in high school.

Oh, wow. Okay. Twins. You had your hands full. Oh yes. Oh yes. I, I had the privilege. I have cousins who are twins and my best friend's brothers were twins growing up and it was like, nice. People joke about it, but man, if you know a set of twins, you're like, yeah, no, it's real. It is real. I think the best thing to save me was [00:04:00] ESPN.

Because I always had the night duty to my wife, you know, rest, and I would just throw an ESPN and I'll take care of them during the night, change them both at the same time, whether it needed changing or not fed them at the same time, whether they needed to be fed or not. And they ended up actually adapting to that schedule.

So it worked out pretty good. Awesome. Now, Daryl. In the case of a zombie apocalypse, what's your weapon of choice?

That is a good one.

Probably,

man, I don't know if I would actually have, probably just words, I guess. That's pretty much all I could think of. In a zombie apocalypse? Yeah, I mean You're a military guy, come on! Just one of those things I don't really think too much about, but Well, that's the whole point of the conversation right now.

Sure, sure. Are [00:05:00] you a Harry Potter person? I am not. You're not? I'm a Marvel Avengers guy. You're an Avengers guy. Okay, which, which Avengers the best Avenger them? Ah, that is definitely up for debate, but definitely, um, love the leadership style of Captain America for sure. I can get behind that. Cap is pretty awesome.

Oh yeah. He got a heart of gold, man. They, they did that well. They did. They really did. Darryl, if I sat down with you and the family, what is a funny story they would tell on you to embarrass you? Probably the funniest story to embarrass me Oh man, there's so many. It's like, which one would they actually come up with?

Um, probably one of those times where I Ended up taking the trash out with those shoes on and [00:06:00] locking myself out the door or something like that, you know I'm always doing something early in the morning because I still got that military mentality you get up before the sun Comes up and get everything done before six o'clock No, I, I understand that entirely.

Uh, umpteen years removed and I still just start and go. Uh, if you could be in a movie, any movie, which movie would it be? Oh, definitely Black Panther. Without a doubt. Oh man, definitely wouldn't be in Black Panther. Okay. Okay. Dig that. My, my kids love the whole Marvel franchise. So there's, we, we pop out the popcorn and just go to town watching Marvel movies.

Sometimes. Absolutely. I feel like I can watch them anytime, doesn't matter when. What purchase of 100 or less have you made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life

purchase 100 or less?[00:07:00]

That's funny cuz I don't really kind of one of those cheap guys. Like I don't just buy too much stuff It's like I'm a guy that has stuff for years and wife's like When you gonna get those new house shoes? I'm like what it's only one hole in there. I'm good It's not like the bottom of it, but probably would just say a new pair of shoes Okay, you know what you get your mileage on them I guess they're on the third or fourth life.

I'm pretty sure. I said, and people don't realize that you got a good pair of shoes. I got to do a change of heel and you're good. Right. I got a problem with the back of mine, uh, right on the back of the hill, the plastic for the hill cup. Yes. I don't know what I do to a man, but they all break right there as they start cracking and cutting back my foot.

Yep. Yep. Just have to keep going. I got my guy. He knows the help. It's time to change him up. Like, yep. Time to change it up. I could, uh, I can, I can have a hole in the soul. It's that heel cup that always ends up with a new [00:08:00] set of shoes. Okay. I can tolerate anything else. That's it. That's it. Definitely understand that.

What is your best playground insults? Oh man, growing up in Compton, it's just anything about mama jokes. I mean, that's all we grew up in, man. I mean, whether it's, you know, your mom's legs are hairy or your mom didn't complain about it yesterday. I mean, any mama joke, that's what you grew up on when you were in Compton, man.

All right. I like it. I like it. How old are you? Uh, 57 be 58 on the Superbowl. Okay. It's like we're, we're not too far apart, obviously. Cause like mama jokes were still a really big go to growing up. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I, I, I liked the phases that people go through, but that's, that's a definite, like Gen X. Era thing.

[00:09:00] So what's one totally random fact that people don't know about you, which is difficult when you live a public life. But like for me, I can't eat English peas.

I'm better off eating refried beans, man. Okay. I think probably the random fact is I never drunk water until I joined the military. I just never drunk water, which is one of those things that was always. Freakin uh, some type of soft drink, whether it was orange, crush, or grape. Um, and it didn't, it just wasn't until I joined the military, I was like, Oh, okay, I guess I better drink this water thing they keep talking about.

They get real particular about that. We had to go through like, was I think basic training was eight canteens a day? Yes. Yes, exactly. I thought it was going to drown. Yes. You can't possibly drink this many canteens of water [00:10:00] in a day. Right, right. Oh, it was one of the worst things about basic trainings. You want me to drink what?

No, don't think that's going to happen. Like, where's the flavor? I just couldn't get shit over the sheer volume. It's like, you understand how much water is that? That's a lot of water. Oh man. Now, what is something everyone should know about you today before we dig into the show? Oh, I just love paying it forward.

I mean, that's, that's the biggest thing. Even if it's not in my wheel well, I'll find somebody that's in that particular industry and connect them with that person. All right. I love it guys. We've been getting to know Daryl just a little bit in this part of the show. Finding out who he is and just, uh, as a, as a man in the next part of the show, we're going to dive into Darrell's story and the value of communication.

We're going to roll [00:11:00] our sponsor and we'll be right back with more for Darrell Williams. Now, before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys. I don't always tell you how much I love doing my podcasts. Like I passionately love what I'm doing. And one of the things that makes my life better as a podcaster is to work with a company like grow your show, grow your show is a one stop podcast.

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Adam will take care of you. I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend. He's my business. Colleague and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show Guys, welcome back in the first part of the show. We just spent some time getting to know a little bit about who daryl is In this part of the show, we're going to dive into Daryl's story and the [00:12:00] value of communication.

Now, Daryl, you have an incredible story, uh, just doing the research before the show, it's like, man, you have had a span of just incredible experience. Tell us your story and your words. Well, um, it really starts back and, um. Compton High. Um, grew up in Compton. Um, the time I grew up was during the time of Boys in the Hood, and my brothers and sister grew up during the time of Straight Outta Compton.

So for me, I always used to joke with people in the sense that I never knew helicopters did not fly over everybody's houses until I joined the military, because it was just such a common thing back then, matter of fact. When I was growing up, I come to the fourth most dangerous city in America. So again, you know, just a lot of craziness.

And when you're in that culture and that society, you don't know anything else. So for me, it was just a matter of, okay, how do I get out of here? Cause it's gotta [00:13:00] be something more. Gotta be something better. And for me, that path was the military. Definitely the best professional decision to ever made.

Join the army of the human resources. Um, individual and just the experiences of, you know, anybody that's been in the military, just know the camaraderie, you know, breaking down of you as an individual, but building you back up as a team player. Um, all of those things, I just loved it. Um, so again, being in the military and then fortunate to have special assignments.

Which ultimately led me to the White House communications agency, supporting three presidents, three vice presidents could have never imagined, uh, being on that type of journey, especially, you know, growing up in Compton and just based on that background, I just feel compelled nowadays to pay it forward.

Now, I understand that you worked [00:14:00] for the presidential communications. I'm going to say this wrong. So help me out here. Presidential communications team for the White House, right? Which that's okay. That's a little insane. Never actually met someone who worked in the presidential. That's pretty awesome.

How, that's, how do you go from military to there? So, um, they have a recruiting team that actually travels, um, to all the different military bases and, um, and they go and basically look at records and try to bring the best of the best. Right to come there and mess and just, you know, I love about it's still military, just one of those special assignments.

You just don't hear about. Matter of fact, I remember when I got the letter, I think I had some sort of major like, um. Man, you're going there. You probably be making coffee for the president. You don't want to go to the assignment like that. You want a soldier. [00:15:00] I'm like, I think it's got to be more than that, Sergeant Major.

And once you get there, you realize they use all of your MOS, AFSCs and rates while you're in town for the in town mission. But where the neat part is, is when you travel, that's when you have a support role. So if you're human resources, you're kind of like a first sergeant on the road. And this is back in the day, so everything was in a streamline.

So if you were radio, you were radio, SATCOM, SATCOM, switchboard, you know, and so forth. And the crazy thing was, you have these different groups that support the president. When people see him on the news, they just see him showing up. And they have no idea that you have the White House staff, White House Secret Service, White House Military Office.

The White House Communications Agency, all these groups supporting him. Uh, if it was a stateside trip, normally get there a week before he shows up to kind of set up everything. And [00:16:00] if it was an overseas trip at that time, uh, we would have to go there two weeks before he showed up. And it was just one of those things that was amazing because no trip was ever the same.

No event was ever the same. Murphy's Law was always in effect. And the cool thing about it is as long as you can get through it and live to tell the story, you become a legend. Nice. And Darryl, good communication is a highly developed skill and people don't seem to understand that sometimes. It's not like something you naturally just do or don't do.

And obviously you have. Developed this to an extraordinary level to serve in that kind of capacity. Uh, that's, that's an important team. The communication, that's an important team. Okay. I don't know if everybody listening to this understands the gravity of that. This is an incredibly critical team because communication from the presidential office out to the world is, is a massive thing.[00:17:00]

So obviously you've, you've developed skill levels. Where did that start? Where did, where did you decide that communication was where you wanted to focus and what your gifts and talents were leading you towards? So the interesting part was, you know, going into the military, the HR rep, my background was HR, but once you get into that type of agency.

You know, everybody has to play that support role for the communications. And what really helped me out, honestly, was the fact that I was able to surround myself with some great mentors. I tell anybody, whether they're a father or a husband, you know, if you want to be great at something, you've got to surround yourself around other great people that are doing those types of things, because there's really truth in the fact that iron does sharpen iron.

Being around those gentlemen and being humble enough to ask, like, Hey, how do you do this? Right? Why do you do this so well? Right. What are those daily habits that you do to put yourself in a position to be great? [00:18:00] And if you humble yourself. Mentors don't mind pouring into you. So the more people poured into me, the more I started paying it back and, uh, pouring into those people that were coming behind me.

And communication was just, like, what really settled with you. You went, I got this, I understand this. It was. And then you started seeing the effects of it. Because in those type of dynamics, you know, especially people that know that something happens bad on a presidential trip. Unfortunately, it's one of those things, depending on what it was, the whole world knows about it and they know about it right away.

And then there are some challenges that we would have that maybe might not make it. on the screen. But we know that it was a problem. White House senior staff knows it's a problem. So by the time this stuff gets to the commander and back to us, man, you just feel like crap because you're like, man, I had to get on another trip so I can redeem myself.

Because again, equipment is equipment. No matter how [00:19:00] many times you try to, you know, have these backup plans and backup to the backup, you know, it's just one of those things. No, try to get you and you just have to be resilient and realize that you're only good as your last trip and the next trip, you just got to do better.

What one lesson in all this experience between working in presidential detail and the communications and the military, you've, you've had a wide breadth of experience. What's one lesson that your job has taught you that you think everybody needs to learn at some point in their life? Uh, the biggest lesson, uh, definitely is it's not about you.

It's always about the team. You can think you're the best leader in the world, but if you don't treat people right. They're not going to bring their best game to the table. They'll do well, but they won't do as well. So the biggest thing I liked about, you know, traveling with WISE Communications was every team you travel with was different.

You might have [00:20:00] somebody that traveled before, but every time it was like, like a new way of reintroducing yourself, a new way of finding out everybody's individual talents, and then finding a way to bring those talents together. And realize that everybody know up front, like, Hey, I'm just a front man. All of you really want to make it happen.

So help me to help you by making sure that I do those things that you need to be successful. Darryl, how is in your experience, how important is. Good communication skills, both professionally and personally in life. Good communication skills can carry you so far that people don't even realize it. A lot of people that were good at what they did and they were very talented, but they couldn't communicate whether it was with their team, whether it was with senior staff and it really hindered them.

It kept them from really treat, [00:21:00] achieving that top greatness that they could have. Then you have some people that maybe were a little bit less talented. But they were so good at communicating that they found themselves, you know, rising to the top to be that lead to be that lead that people requested. It was like, Hey, right.

I want this person on my evaluation trip because I know that they know how to get the best out of everybody. And that's just not even the team. But also with the senior staff, because those individuals are civilians, they have no idea everything you have to do to make sure that communication works, but you can't just go off on them.

You have to find a way to be diplomatic, you have to find a way to meet them halfway and help them realize, like, I know what you want, but this is what you need. I've got to ask, just based on that comment, because, I mean, From that many, much time in the military. I have so many friends who are vets [00:22:00] and coming from that time.

So many of one of the hard crossovers into civilian life are, is working with civilians. Because people don't understand everything in the military is a process. Like there is a strict, this is how it's done period process. And everybody is on the same page. And so things flow very easily in the military.

Once you start, I mean, yeah, there are problems always, but things flow because everybody's on the same page about how this gets done. And then you cross over into the civilian world and people think they actually get opinions and ideas.

I'm guessing by the last, you, you've experienced that in dealing with the civilian population. I have, and the only thing that really helped me was again, having those mentors that said, Hey, in this situation, this is what works. However, in a different [00:23:00] scenario, you're going to need to be able to do this or do that.

So, I was very fortunate to bring that, you know, to the job when I got out and realizing that, you know, people that were in charge, um, that were doing certain things a certain way and, you know, you just can't come across, again, in any type of rough way with my military background. You have to be diplomatic, right?

You have to be able to talk to people. And what I found, I always share this with my mentees, is Asking questions is a great way of not challenging authority. But making people think, so instead of saying, oh, that's dumb, that's not going to work. It's like, okay, so what are we trying to achieve here? What if we did it this particular way, how could that get to the same result?

And just asking those questions, they don't look at you as some type of smart aleck or somebody that's trying to, you know, usurp their authority, but it makes them [00:24:00] think like, no, I never thought about it like that. Let me get back to you on that one. I, I definitely struggled with, uh, that kind of diplomatic questioning in parts of my life working, working with people.

Uh, there was definitely times where it was like, just shut up and do what you're told to do. It's like, Oh no, no, that doesn't work here. That doesn't work here anymore. Sorry. Let me rephrase that. Would you please take care of this that you were hired to do, which apparently is still not the proper way to say things.

I always laugh because I see military movies and I'll watch them with people who don't have any military around them. No, no military background or their family was, wasn't around it. And I'll see those offhanded jokes where the guy on the screens, like civilians, right? And just kind of like shakes their head.[00:25:00]

I have, my friend asked me one day, it's like. Really? Why do they always do that? I was like, cause that's how all of them feel. It is a true statement. I remember writing, I was on a cross country bus with a Marine and she was like, everybody stinks. This bus, so like she was so like. She couldn't even hide it.

She was just blatantly rude at, at a point, she's like, you're Air Force, I can sit by you. But like the whole bust, like just, we'd stop at a stop and she had to get out and she'd be like, you know, choking to get fresh air. 'cause to her, everybody else smelled bad. Oh wow. I was like. You were a little high strung Marine.

She's like, everybody else is dirty. Even you Air Force guys don't know how to take a shower, man. Like, wow. More not clean. I'm like, excuse me. But you know, you get that mindset [00:26:00] of the separation of civilian life, military life. And it was always funny to watch you guys make that transition back in the offhand comments.

I worked with a guy who he had the same kind of reaction. And I looked at him and I said, which branch were you in? He was like. I was a Marine. I said, yeah, let me help you out here. This is, this is how it works here. They don't, they don't get this. He was very freshly out. It's like they were hired to do this job, right?

Yes. This is their job description, right? Yes. Why do I have to hold their hand? Cause they're not forged in the Marine Corps. It can't give you a better answer than that. They just, they had no answer. That's the right answer. So, sorry, that was totally sidetracked. No, you're right. I was listening to you talk about, [00:27:00] yeah, we had to remember that they were civilians.

Like, oh, yes.

I just did a show with Donald Dunn the other day, who is, uh, 30 years and seven tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Oh, wow. Uh, older, older army guy, you know, saw time in Bosnia and, but we, we, we got off on a couple of rabbit trails, just having a great old time laughing and laughing, uh, listening to military stories and talking about the differences.

And, uh, I, I can go down that road for a long, long time, but it's always funny to see in the ideal of, you know, this is how it works. People don't understand the discipline and the processes required to make things flow. It's such a massive level White House communications. I can't even begin to unpack and fathom [00:28:00] the amount of work just one set up would take.

Yeah, it was great. And especially during the president campaigns, it's even worse because now you're working with less sleep, more travel. Less equipment, right? You're jumping it all over the place, but again, but it's those challenges that allow you to learn a little bit more about yourself, learn about more of the team, and you realize how much more capable you're able to do, especially when you're under pressure.

Which three presidents? You said you served under three presidents, which ones? It was Bush Senior, Bush Junior, and President Clinton. Okay. Wow, man. That's a, I'm guessing y'all had some bad days. Always. Anytime you're dealing with the equipment is always bad. I would tell people to this [00:29:00] day, like those people say, what is it?

That kind of gives you that flashback where your skin starts to peel back. And to me, it's very easy when you hear vice president Cheney ask you. Is there a problem? And he already knows there's a problem, but just him asking that question, you're like, okay, how am I going to answer this, sir? You're exactly right.

There is a challenge going on right here. But guess what? Here's what we're working on to kind of fix it. The military aid is aware. So give us a couple of minutes and we'll have a backup plan for you. I had to answer, I have years of background in IT and I had to answer one night to the president of Xbox, which is a vice president of Microsoft, right?

He reports directly to the CEO of Microsoft and he's not particularly the. I don't know who it is now. That was several years ago was the head of Xbox was not a really like he was not known for his patience and we had a major incident going on and he is on the phone and [00:30:00] there's a guy counting off how much money they're losing and not having this problem in the background with like 20 other people on I'm freaking out like oh my I was stressed.

I can't imagine answering to the vice president. So is there a problem? Like we got it really the pressure man. You you've got to be a rock. Yeah, it's funny I was telling people like man, how was it and it's like when you're in it It's almost like you're on the merry go round, like you don't realize how fast it's going until you get off of you like, oh my god, that was insane to do that for that long.

But when you're in it, you just become a part of it. You know, you're in that environment, you live it, and it's just something that you just expect all the time. Sarah would love to know how you handled the stress. So for me, it was, uh, you know, everybody had different You know, coping mechanism for me. It was just always thinking [00:31:00] ahead, right?

I know that these things happened on the last trip where I know this piece of equipment has a tendency to do this. So the best thing for me was I would always not stump the chump, but I would always challenge my team to think deeper. It was like, okay, what happens if this goes down? Well, we'll probably go grab one out of the truck.

Okay. What happened if we pulled the one out of the truck and that's Well, we'll find another one that we're not using and we'll pull another piece. Like I would always have them thinking. So that way, when this stuff really did happen, it wasn't like their first time figuring it out. It was like, Oh, wait a minute.

We drilled on this. Oh, we talked about this at our leads meeting. I'm just going to run and go grab that piece. I'm like. You got it. So, it was really important for me, especially as a lead, to not allow the team to see me panicking. Because if the team saw me panicking, then it's like, oh, man. This is gonna be a bad day.

But if they say, wait a minute. That site just went down. He's [00:32:00] not jumping up and down. What's, what's going on here? Did the site go down or not? Like, I don't know if the site went down, but guess what? Getting hysterical about it is not gonna bring it back up any faster. So, might as well just remain calm and just figure out those next steps.

So post 9 11, you were still serving and you got pushed up to one of the five guys making the calls in this. We talked about that a little bit. Yeah, so people don't remember during 9 11, um, President Bush was at the, um, elementary school and Vice President Cheney was here. And the way a lot of the communication was set up was really for the VP to fleet up should something happen.

You know, need his own emergency action communications while something's going on. So a lot of different agencies in DC had to change up some of their policies. And for us, we realized we had to stand up an emergency action communications team, [00:33:00] uh, to support the vice president. So out of 30 senior managers, they picked five of us.

And it was so funny because when they picked me, I was involved in my community. My wife and I were trying to start a family. So I was like, man, I do not need those extra headaches. I don't care about flying on the Air Force Two, let somebody else have that stuff. And I remember telling our chief of operations like, Hey, sir, thanks, but no thanks.

You know, go give it to somebody else. Like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'm not all about the titles. I'm good. I don't need anything else to prove. And it was like. You know, plus there's some people like, you know, they, I mean, they just wanted that type of power, right? That type of authority. Like, look at me, I'm getting off to the plane, carrying my bags, right?

And I just, that wasn't me. But then he flipped it on me and said, well, for the same reason that you don't want it, that's why you're going to do it. Because you're not going to lord it over people. [00:34:00] Because you're going to carry your own bags. Right? Because you're going to show up at a trip site and still pull up your sleeve and ask, Hey, what can I do to help versus right?

Tell me all the stuff that's going wrong. And I'm glad that he didn't, you know, let me get off the team because it really was an opportunity to lead at a higher level, but also to have more influence and more impact because a lot of times, you know, everybody's leadership style is different. So my style never was when I got off the plane to.

No, tell me everything that's going wrong so I can get ahead of it. No, it's like, Hey, how'd everything go? Is there anybody I need to talk to? And again, just bringing that calm style, allow the rest of the team.

I can only imagine the stories. And if I let myself, I will get side brailed. We'll, we'll be here all night. Uh, that, that wouldn't be fair. So guys, we've been discussing Darrell's story and the value of communication. And the [00:35:00] next part of the show, we're going to dive into how to be better at communication personally and professionally.

Uh, so you guys can utilize that information to go after your own goals and pursuits. Both personally and professionally. We're going to roll our sponsor and be right back with more from Daryl Williams. How well do you sleep at night? Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed?

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Now let's go on to the show guys. Welcome back. In the last part of the show, [00:36:00] we discussed Darrell's story and man, what a story it is and the value of communication to some extent. In this part of the show, we're going to dive into how to be better at communication personally and professionally. Daryl is, now let me get this right, the White House Communications Hall of Fame.

Did I say that right? One of, yes. Oh my goodness. Uh, you guys know I don't read accolades out. Daryl's profile, I don't have that much time on the show. He has received so many awards in his service. For his communication skills and the rest of his service to our nation. And it is incredible, but like he isn't hurt when it comes to communication.

And so I really want to take advantage of this today, Daryl, and people underestimate the value, but it, like you said, it moves mountains. It's incredible. So I think a lot of people [00:37:00] think that they're good at communication, even, even when they're not, we, right. We all like to think we're a little farther up the pole than we are sometimes.

Uh, and I mean, I used to read a lot of resumes. I did a lot of hiring in my last career. And so I can attest that people are really not as good as they think they are. What is one mistake most people make in their attempts at communicating better? I think one of the challenges is we tend to want to speak to people the way that we speak.

Right. And it's almost like a one sided blind spot. It's like, well, this is how I like receiving information. So, of course, this is how he's going to want to receive it as well. But this is not the case. Right. So we really have to do our homework, uh, especially when you're working with teams and if you're married.

With your partner or spouse, it's like you have to do the work to find out what is the best way that they like to be [00:38:00] communicated with. And for some people that's hard to do because you want to take the easy road and just say, well, that's just who I am and they just have to deal with it. But that's really not the case, just because that's who you are now doesn't mean that's who you have to be one year, five year, 10 years, 15 years from now, right?

So you really have to put in the work and just talk to people, ask the questions. Hey, how do you like to do this? What is your go to phrase? Right? How do you want to be appreciated? Right? I mean, you have to put in the work and sometimes the work could be reading books, could be going to those training, those soft skill training that we don't want to go to, but realize after you go through it like, wow, I actually learned something.

I'm gonna try that out on my wife tonight. You know, holy smokes, that thing actually worked. So it's just surrounding yourself with the proper training. And then again, that venture piece is so important. Like, there's some people that [00:39:00] communicate really well, and I have no problem with going to them after an event, or whatever the case is, like, hey, can we just Talk sometime over the next two weeks.

I really like what you said about X and I want to get a little bit deeper into that. And again, the more you talk to people and are sincere about, I really want to learn that trait. I want to get better at it. Um, the better you can be. I don't think most people realize that there are multiple different kinds of Multiple different communication styles.

Uh, I think that's one of those things that you either learn through experience or through a higher, very specific higher education. That's not something taught down at a lower level of education. And I think it's something we take for granted often is like, well, I'm, I'm speaking to you, I must be communicating with you.

Right. How do we use artists? How we [00:40:00] listen and ask questions? How complex does it start to get? The more people we involve in this? Well, it's not a matter of being complex as much as we have to take off our lids. A lot of times the communication, we're always looking at it through our lids and what you will realize is it's like, okay, let me be a sponge at this point.

Because a lot of times, and it's just natural, especially as men, we want to communicate to solve, and we really need to communicate to listen. And it is a learned skill, so that's the biggest thing I want people to walk away with. Don't listen to this show and say, well that's just those guys, I can't do that.

Everybody can learn to be a better communicator, whether it's with your friends, whether it's with your spouse, with your children, it is a learned skill. And the more work you put at it, I promise you, the better you will get at it. Darryl, are there like, [00:41:00] because it is a skill that you build, right? Are there any drills or communication exercises that you use with any of the people you work with to help improve communication skills?

So for me, one of the things I love is I like the assessments, right? Whether it's Myers Briggs or some form of Myers Briggs or DISP. And then a lot of times I try to, um, either put myself in a situation where, especially if they're on my team, right, they'll get that assessment. And then when I do my one on one with them, I really go deep into, hey, how do you like to receive information?

Right. Some people are like, well, that's dumb. Just talk it. Yeah, that's true. However, you may have somebody on your team that's an introvert. You have somebody that's an extrovert. And so a lot of times we want to use the same hammer all the time when it's communicating. And I know that, okay, this person is an introvert and they like to have more time, [00:42:00] right, to be able to collect your thoughts, to look at the problem.

So now I know that, okay, if I'm going to a meeting and I know that my introverted person is not going to be able to answer on the spot, so I'll send them an email the week before the meeting or the week of say, Hey, on Friday, when we have our meeting, these are the topics we want to come up with. These are the solutions that I'm trying to find.

Hey, once you think about this and. You know, if you feel comfortable sharing them at the meeting, that's great. If you don't, I respect that. Just email them to me, and then I'll say it, and if you're okay with it, I'll give you the credit for that. Because a lot of times in communication, uh, especially in the military, like the person that talks the loudest and talks the most, we think they have the right answers all the time.

But that's not necessarily true, right? That quiet leader also has some good responses. Sometimes we tend to dominate the conversations. That's why it's important for good leaders to say, Hey, I know you normally come up with some great things kind of hold off real quick. I [00:43:00] want to go around the room and see what everybody else has to say.

I guess I want you to pause in your head for a minute and think about this, right? Because you know, people in your life who have a different communication style, then you maybe you, then you prefer, or then you normally use. For example, I have a friend who. It's bullet points. He wants the report. He likes text messages.

That's his favorite way to actually like communicate between people. And he doesn't want the story. He doesn't want the cause. He doesn't, he wants the bullet point hit it. Boom, boom, boom. Right. And then if we need to discuss it further, if right, if we need to expound on one of those, then we might get around to that.

And he still wants the shortest possible version of that. Right. So, you know, people guys in your life, and it might not be your spouse. It might be. Or it might be your spouse. It might be a coworker. It might be your children. Uh, right. With families, it gets complicated [00:44:00] because your spouse may not communicate the same way you do.

And then you add children and guess what? Just because you're there, you're there, your children, it doesn't mean they communicate the same way that you or your spouse does, right? So this is a skill that you were talking about the disc assessment assessment and some, the Myers Briggs. If you guys aren't familiar with these, right, these are personality assessments, uh, and they score you not just for your personality, but some of them score you, their assessments score you based on the way you process information, personality, uh, emotional aptitude.

And all these things collectively can give you a lot of information. Now, not everybody is used to those or has those, right? And some people are just scared of communication. They're scared to open their mouth.

They are, and I think for those individuals that may not have the [00:45:00] access to those type of assessments, um, the good news is most of them are online. There's a lot of free versions of them. Um, but here's the thing that I found out too. Regardless of where you are in your circle, whether it's your community, your workplace.

There's always that one person, like, man, how can I be like that person when it comes to meetings? It seems like they always say the right thing, they always ask the right questions, and they can communicate with the SES, they can communicate with the janitor, like, I need to be around that person. So, for me, a lot of times, before I even knew about those assessments, I would go to those people and just say, I want to be able to communicate the way you do.

Right. Well, you mentored me on that piece again. If we can just humble ourselves, those individuals don't mind pouring into us. And then you have that time. Just ask like, man, how do you stay calm when somebody that's not getting it? You know, like I would really throw him out the [00:46:00] window, but you're so calm and like, like, how do you do that?

And they tell you these great stories and these great analogies and they tell you, you know, this is what I had to learn. And I wasn't always this way. Okay. And the more you talk to those people that have those communication traits that you desire, the better you're going to be because a lot of those individuals do not mind sharing those secrets.

Guys, if you're getting something out of this, do the good social media thing. You know, I love talking about this so much. It's like the worst part of the show, but do that good, uh, social media thing. Give us a like, give us a thumbs up, share this with somebody. That's the greatest compliment you guys ever give us sharing this with somebody.

You know, so it can help their lives as well. Daryl, what are three action steps that our listeners can implement right now, if they want to start improving their ability to communicate with people that matter in their lives? Absolutely. Um, number one, get a [00:47:00] mentor. I'm always big on, you don't know it all.

Um, there's always more to learn, right? Get a mentor. Second, um, become a better listener. I know a lot of us think that we do, but we're, we're not, there's always another level. of listening that we can do and then the second thing is those situations where you feel like you have to give the answer make it a point to try to get someone else get to that same point and what I mean by that is if you know that hey the way to solve this problem is X instead of me saying X right I'm going to talk to the other people ask them the questions that eventually they will get to that same point and somebody said well that's a waste of time you could have just Yeah, but it's not a point of me giving the answer all the time.

I want to build the people around me to make sure they feel confident enough. [00:48:00] To know that they also can come up with the answers. What is next for Daryl Williams? You got any big projects going you want to share? Got to work on the book, man. Everybody's like, dude, you got to write a book. Who goes from the hood to the house?

You got to write that. You got to write that. So, finally, putting away some time. Every Saturday morning, I told my wife, I'm going to, you know, come down in the mornings and just do a little bit every weekend because I really want to write this book from a, even though it's an autobiography, but it's kind of from a leadership.

I'm looking at my whole life, things that I've been able to do, people I've been able to help. How did leadership play a role in all of that? So that's really the biggest project right now. Sarah, Sarah likes the working title from the hood to the house straight out of Compton. Hey, if you got any questions after show, I know several people in that arena who help people write books and work out that.

Right. So you [00:49:00] don't have to have all the answers on that. We'll, we'll touch base after the show. Daryl, where's the best place for people to connect with you? Well, they can find me on Facebook through Alliance Seminars Coaching. They can always go to the website. Alliance seminars. org. And for those that are on LinkedIn, you can find me on LinkedIn as well.

And guys, of course, as always, we'll have all of Darrell's contact information in the show notes or the description, whatever platform you're on, we will make sure that you can find Darrell, because I tell you, we're scratching the surface and barely, that is one of the. Most frustrating things about what I do is, is I really, like I could do these, I could do three and four hour shows with no problem.

I guarantee it because people are just incredible. And the further you dig into somebody's life, the more that you can just learn from them. And it's incredible. Now, Daryl, you guessed that Henry VIII had three wives. Yes. For all of you who I know are dying to know, [00:50:00] right? This is the most important thing we talked about tonight.

No, not really. For all of you that are dying to know. Henry VIII had a death wish because he had six wives over the years. Wow. I think he's also the one who like chopped off a lot of their heads. So, apparently he figured out a way to sort that out. Um, I think the man was crazy, honestly. This Yeah. That's That's just glutton for punishment.

I'm sorry. At that point, you think you learned. Now, they'll wrap us out. If our audience hears nothing else from you today, and it doesn't matter, it doesn't have to be on the show, what the show we're talking about in the show. If our audience hears nothing else from you today, what is the most important thing you want them to hear from you today?

I think they need to realize that. Their words have meaning, and the way they communicate those words, um, can really help somebody or it can cut them. Uh, people just don't [00:51:00] realize, you know, what you say to people. I mean, I'm dealing with people of the coach that, you know, because of what was said to them by their parents or their guardians or, you know, things like that, and just to be able to uplift somebody with words.

Um, it really goes a long way. So I would just share with everybody, especially if they start this new year, you know, watch what you say and how you say it and be strategic with your words. Words are powerful guys for Darrell and for myself. Thanks for taking the time to hang out with us today and to listen.

I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure and drop us a like leave review. We'd love to hear what you have to say about it. And as always be better tomorrow, because what you do today, we'll see on the next one, this has been the fellow man podcast, your home for everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to subscribe.

So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more [00:52:00] content and get your own fallible man gear.