The Three Filters Fueling Your Fury: A Transformative Approach

Speaker: [00:00:00] Have you ever had your anger flare up? It doesn't even have to be like an explosive anger guys. I'm not talking to like you have major temporary issues. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but all of us have dealt with anger at some point in our lives. Well, today on the fallible man podcast, I had Dr Moore Orman who has spent almost 40 years.

setting anger and guys, I was shocked. Like he caught me off guard entirely. Anger does not come from where we think it does. And you can absolutely control your anger without having to go to therapy or anger management. Dr. Morton's going to give us some tools. I got, do got to warn you guys. Trigger warning.

I hate to throw that in there. We use a terrorist attack as an example, theoretical example during the course of our conversation. So if that bothers you, it is coming down the road in this episode, but I promise you, you're going to get something out of this episode because Dr. Orman has not had a problem with anger in 40 years.

He's been studying because he understands where it came from and has taught himself how to [00:01:00] deal with anger without ever actually having anger issues. Check out the sneak peek of what's to come. Stick around for the show. I promise it's going to be worth your time. Let's get started. You can

Speaker 2: literally buy, when you, when you see the world automatically, which you don't have any control over most of the time, then you say, oops, I saw the world automatically and it was this way, this way, and this way.

Now let me reexamine that. Is it true? And you go, Oh, it's not so true that in and of itself is going to. Do some brain work on your brain. And if you do that a hundred times or 200 times or 300 times in different scenarios, you're going to be building more wisdom and intelligence into your synapses. So that when some, the next thing happens a year from now, that's similar, that used to trigger the hell out of you and annoy you.

Now you go, Oh, well, that's like, I can see that differently now.

Speaker: Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential, growing [00:02:00] to the men we dream of being, while taking care of our responsibilities, working, and living? Being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves. Well, that's the big question in this podcast. We'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.

Welcome to the album man podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, and father. Big shout out to fallible nation. That's what we'd like to call our longtime listeners. And we're glad to have you join that group and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey. There is a lot out there fighting for your attention.

So thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to give us a chance. Really appreciate it. Be sure and connect with me on Instagram at the follow man or any other social media, let me know what you thought of the show. I'd love to hear your opinion on it. If you really enjoy it, share it with a friend or leave us review on Apple podcasts.

That helps us to get in front of more people. My name is Brent and today my special guest is anger, anger, elimination expert, Dr. Mort Orman. Dr. Mort, welcome to this album and [00:03:00] podcast.

Speaker 2: Thank you, Brent. Thank you for having me and letting me speak to you and your audience.

Speaker: I'm, I'm excited about today's show, but we start kind of easy going.

So how is your trivia skills?

Speaker 2: My trivia skills are poor, unless it's medicine, then I can hold my own. But, uh, yeah, I don't, I don't, um, Do a lot of trivia stuff.

Speaker: Well, we're going to take crack at it today. Okay.

Speaker 2: Okay.

Speaker: What horror writer changed her name from Howard Allen O'Brien before the first grade was a Laura Kay Hamilton.

B, Anne Rice. C, Joyce Carol Oates. R, D, Lisa Morton.

Speaker 2: I will, uh, use my, uh, test taking skills, um, to guess the answer with no knowledge, and I will pick C.

Speaker: All right, guys. You know how the game plays. Don't cheat, don't go ahead, and for God's sake, if you're driving, please don't write it down while you're driving.

Just come back to that later, and we'll deal with the question at the end. Now, Dr. Moore, I don't do big introductions. It doesn't really, [00:04:00] people don't care about accolades. So in this moment today, who is Dr. Moore Orman?

Speaker 2: Uh, Dr. Moore Orman is a guy who started out never wanting to be a doctor, swearing he would never become a doctor, resisting tooth and nail, you know, going to medical school, ended up somehow in medical school and and Decided that he really loved medicine and so became a physician and a healer and and that's who he is right now he's someone that uh Is is focused on helping people improve their health and their well being both the mental and physical And, um, I'm retired now, so I could be playing golf every day, but I'm not, I'm still trying to, you know, improve people's lives, save people's lives, um, help people get rid of anger.

So that's my main focus. I mean, truly, I want to, I want to try and reduce the tremendous amount of anger there is in the world today. All the, the hostility, the, um, unnecessary [00:05:00] anger and rage and division. Um, uh, and violence that's in the world. That's all coming from anger. And I see that as a, it's a huge worldwide problem that not many people are really taking them head on and dressing.

Speaker: I'll see. I think you're taking an excellent path because you have knowledge and information and podcasts are a great place to share that with the world. So I think you're taking an excellent path. I'm, I'm not a golfer, so I don't know if that'd be appealing in retirement. I'm, I'm glad you're out sharing with the world still, because We need more people with your kind of experience, being able to share what they've learned for some of us who haven't gone that far yet.

Speaker 2: Yeah. And that's really what I, I get a lot of enjoyment out of that. So it was kind of gets me up every morning. Um, I, it's like, I can sit and watch television or Netflix, uh, or whatever. And I'm rather be out in the world, just, you know, helping people attributing what I've learned over the last 40, 50 years, um, about life and about mastering life and [00:06:00] mastering emotions and dealing with stress and all that kind of stuff that I've had some.

I've been fortunate to have a lot of success, um, figuring out the solutions for myself and then putting them into teaching programs and workshops and writing books and things to get that information out in the world so other people can have those same kind of benefits and their own changes in their life.

Speaker: Uh, Dr. Moore. Like I said, we, we start pretty easy going. So what thinking back of your life, what is the most annoying slogan or catchphrase? I don't remember.

Speaker 2: Well, things don't annoy me much. They used to annoy me all the time. So it's been like 40 years. I haven't been annoyed by a whole lot of stuff. I'm trying to remember what I was annoyed by.

Um,

you know, it's hard, you know, it's funny. I was, uh, I was at a speaking, um, training, um, a year or so ago and I was on stage and there was a coach who was coaching us speakers and, um, I was talking [00:07:00] about anger and the guy said, um, well, you don't look very angry. You know, so you're talking about anger, but yeah, I don't get you're angry and well, i'm not he says well go back Can you tell me can you show me what it was like back when you were really angry and I I couldn't do it It's been so gone From my life.

It's something that I wouldn't never have imagined could have happened given all the anger I had in my 20s and 30s as a young man and a young professional Back then I thought there was no way I was ever going to be any different and then all of a sudden you know, I've discovered some stuff and it made a difference and The last 40 years, it's been like, I don't get annoyed.

I don't get, I mean, a little bit, but every once in a while, but I immediately know where it's coming from. I know how to get rid of it. So I don't really have a, I don't really have an annoying thing that I can, that my mind goes to when you ask that question.

Speaker: No, no. Where's the beef for the plane boss, the plane.

So say that again. No, where's the beef for the plane boss, the plane.

Speaker 2: But you know, those,

Speaker: if they

Speaker 2: did annoy me in the past, when I hear something like that, that's nonsensical or [00:08:00] ridiculous, I did just, I just, I It strikes me more as funny than as annoying, you know,

Speaker: fair enough. You won 10 million tomorrow.

What would you spend it on?

Speaker 2: What would I spend it on? I would expand my, uh, I would expand my efforts to spread, um, positive information that helps people in their lives. I have a, uh, desire to create a life mastery Institute. Um, where I can share not just my anger technology that I developed, but I have a lot of other things that I've developed that are a lot of people would benefit from.

And, um, That would, that to me, that would be my legacy is creating a life mastery institute where I'm able to put all those, all, all of the knowledge that's in my head and in my experience, put it all out into the world under that umbrella and, you know, obviously it takes money to get that done and get that promoted.

So I would put it, put it into that.

Speaker: You can do the Neuralink thing and start uploading your subconscious. That's, that might be, that might be

Speaker 2: a good idea.

Speaker: That's the direction you seem to be [00:09:00] moving. Yeah. Hardwired into our brains. Yeah. Not me personally, but you know. What's your go to comfort food or guilty pleasure snack?

Speaker 2: Uh, I like french fries with ketchup. Heinz, Heinz ketchup. Not any ketchup, Heinz ketchup.

Speaker: Any specific french fry?

Speaker 2: Usually, um, uh, home style, what do you call them? Home, um, basic, you know, not fancy, not with a, you know, a lot of chemical crispy, all that stuff, just basic home cooked French fries.

Speaker: Oh yeah. I find the cut matters. Like I, I like steak fries. The, they're a little wider.

Speaker 2: I like the traditional, the traditional shaped, uh, fries.

And McDonald's are not bad either.

Speaker: Yeah, it's all the MSG. They sprinkle over everything, pretty sure that we all love from McDonald's, I like the surface area of the steak fries for dipping. 'cause the fries are just a, a medium to bring the ketchup to the mouth.

Speaker 3: Yes. ,

Speaker: what purchase of a hundred [00:10:00] dollars or less have you made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

Speaker 2: I bought a, um, A-A-L-E-D nightlight that's triggered by motion. So when I get up in the middle of the night, let's say, um, to go to the bathroom, the. It detects my motion, it turns the light on so I'm not walking in a dark room where I might bump my shin against something. And, um, it's worked perfectly. I have it in a perfect position where, you know, as soon as I move to get out of bed it goes on and I can see where I'm going.

It's a small thing but it's actually made a huge difference. I have

Speaker: enough scars on my shin to agree with that statement. My bed has some nasty corners. I got drawers under it. And yeah, the it's got some nasty corners.

Speaker 3: Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, I get that entirely. What hidden talent do you have?

Speaker 2: Um, [00:11:00] I can teach people how to enjoy exercising if they hate it.

Wow. Okay. That is a talent. And I've done it. I I've created programs where I've actually invited people to come. And the, the, the promise is, you know, if you hate exercising, um, I can show you, uh, how to turn that around completely. So where you actually love exercising and are looking forward to do it every day.

Speaker: I say we need that program nationwide.

Speaker 2: I know it's something, it's one of those life mastery things I'm sitting on because I'm so busy doing other things. I don't have time to really develop that. Um, uh, but one of these days, you know, I'm going to release that so that people will have that technology available, which again is in the health and wellness field.

That would be a great, there's so many people that aren't exercising because they hate it. Nobody's teaching them how to love it. You know, they may, they may say, do it and you'll love it, but that doesn't really work for most people. Um, every once in a while, somebody will have a breakthrough on their own, but I mean, there is a [00:12:00] specific way to go about it that, um, that I use for myself because I hated exercising when I was younger.

Um, I became, I went to Duke university and played lacrosse at Duke and I became a goalie. Primarily because I hated all the running that you had to do if you played, you know, midfield. I was small So I was either for me it was either midfield or attack Um, but then I I had an opportunity to play backup goalie Um my senior my junior year and I said, oh man Just to stand there and i'm i'm willing to let you throw a hard ball at me 100 miles an hour Just so I don't have to do all the running around on the field and all the training to get in shape and all That stuff

Speaker: i've done a lot of work as a trainer Teaching, teaching my clients to actually enjoy what they're doing is like, that's a next level behavior modification right there.

Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: And I, I can convince them that it's worth doing. I can't always, I, I love work. I love lifting heavy weights. I [00:13:00] love working out, but I've been called masochistic in that sense. And sadistic by a few of my clients, convincing someone else to actually enjoy it the way I do that.

Speaker 2: Well, it's not, you can't convince them.

You have to, for me, like, for example, I, it wasn't until I realized how I was making running in particular, how I was making it a horrible experience, which I didn't, I thought it was running. That was the problem. I thought it was just. inherently awful and painful. But I, and then I discovered, Oh, wait a second.

It,

Speaker 3: uh,

Speaker 2: could I be playing a role in this? Could I be causing the discomfort that I'm experiencing? And then I started looking from that perspective and lo and behold, I found all these unconscious ways that I would approach running and think about running and beliefs I had about running that were all false.

Yeah. Talk about being, you know, Fallible. I discovered how fallible I was my ideas about running and then one by one as I identified these [00:14:00] things that were making running an awful experience I could I could do something about him I could undo the spell that those internal beliefs or internal thoughts or behavior patterns, uh, was producing on my physical experience running and I would dismantle them one by one.

And then all of a sudden this runner came out, this person that I didn't even know was in there, that actually in me that actually loved running and could do it effortlessly and painlessly, you know, not, it didn't happen overnight, but I eventually discovered that that was a reality about me that I didn't even know, you know, was possible.

Same thing with the same thing with anger, by the way. I mean, I didn't, Back when I was angry, I didn't have any belief at all that I would ever be anything other than an angry guy. And if you'd have come up to me and said, Hey, you know, there's this thing that can make you turn you into a non angry person.

I said, it's not for me. It's not going to happen for me. I know me. I've tried everything. I've tried all this stuff and it doesn't work. So I'm just going to be this way. And then all of a [00:15:00] sudden you get to the other side and you go like, wow, I didn't know that was really possible. You know?

Speaker: So new plan to build your, your life knowledge center,

Speaker 2: you

Speaker: need to franchise work, work out this whole teaching people to love exercise, sell that at a reasonable rate, sub license as a certification for trainers, work with their clients and just let that pay for your Center.

Speaker 2: Great idea.

Speaker: All right. If more people enjoyed exercising, we would have less obesity and thing else going on. Better

Speaker 2: health, all kinds of better sleep, all kinds of stuff. Yeah.

Speaker: Orange juice, pulp, some pulp, no pulp.

Speaker 2: I, I can't drink orange juice.

Speaker: No.

Speaker 2: It gives me heartburn. Oh,

Speaker: my

Speaker 3: sister. I can't

Speaker 2: eat, I can't eat chocolate either.

I used to be a big chocoholic. I would have a Clark bar, at least one Clark bar every day until I was like in my mid twenties. [00:16:00] Um, and then all of a sudden I would get heartburn if I had chocolate or a citrus or anything acidic. Like I can't drink a Coke. I can't drink a Coke because it has a lot, but I can die.

Coke. I can drink because it doesn't have as much acid, anything with acid or citrus. Or chocolate stimulates acid in the stomach. Any of those things give me instant heartburn and I haven't, I haven't been able to take advantage of those,

Speaker: but my sister has to pour like half and half. She'll pour some orange juice and then half of it full of water.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker: So watered down. It's the only way she can even attempt orange juice.

Speaker 2: But when I did, when I was able to drink orange juice before this all happened, I liked the pulpy. I liked that. Have the particles in there

Speaker: Dr. Moore, what's something everyone should know about you before we dig into the meat of today's show something who should know

Speaker 2: about me

Speaker: Everybody should know about you that's listening before we dig into the meat of today's show

Speaker 2: um, I think the the big thing as I sort of sort of mentioned in the beginning, um, I was Not a special kid when I grew up.

I [00:17:00] was not especially intelligent. My grades were average for a long while and Like I say, I absolutely had no desire to be a doctor. I was absolutely opposed to the idea. I hated everything about it. Um, didn't like sick people, didn't like going to the doctor, didn't like needles, didn't like hospitals, didn't like old people, didn't like reading, any of the things that I thought doctors needed to do.

So I had to, I mean, I was really, uh, hell bent on not becoming, although my parents wanted me to become a doctor, so they were, you know, pushing me, but I kept resisting and, and, um, it was kind of like amazing that I ended up in the field because I had so much resistance to it. And, and part of it has to do with your theme, fallibility.

And there was, there was something that happened, um, in a 15 minute conversation that changed my whole life and put me on a path to become a physician. And, and, and, and, and, And then I fell in love with it. And so, so I'm, you know, it's like I could have never predicted that would have happened. And it's been, I'm very [00:18:00] happy that it did.

And I wouldn't, I wouldn't go back and do it any differently. Um, it's been a great career. It's been a great life. Um, so yeah, so that's, it's funny how somebody, you know, a stranger, this was a stranger and I had a conversation with a stranger. And in 15 minutes, he convinced me to go to medical school.

Speaker: It's ironically, sometimes words from a stranger are more powerful than the people around you.

Yeah.

Speaker 2: Yeah. And he made an argument that I couldn't disagree with. And, um, I said, what the hell, what do I have to lose and give it a try? If I don't like it. You know, I do something else, but I took his advice. I gave it a try and lo and behold, it's like this whole, you know, this whole set of skills and talents and desires and interests blossomed within me.

Then I, again, I didn't know that, that I wasn't in touch with. I didn't know it was part of me.

Speaker: Guys. We've been getting to know Dr. Mort just a little bit to see who he is and what makes him tick. And the next part of the show, we're going to dive into anger. He's [00:19:00] dedicated a significant portion of his life and career to Understanding anger, what makes us angry, how it actually happens and how we can manage it in our own life without having anger management.

We're going to roll our sponsor and be right back with more from Dr. Mort Orman. Are you tired of tossing and turning at night? Searching for that elusive perfect pillow or just better bedding in general? Well, look no further. Our podcast is proudly sponsored by MyPillow, the renowned American pillow manufacturer.

With over 50 million pillows, pillows sold and a legacy of quality. MyPillow knows that you work hard for your money and want quality products at an affordable price. That's why they're offering all TFM listeners and friends, the special promo code for massive savings year round. Enjoy some of the finest sheets.

Pillows, slippers, mattress toppers, bath towels, and comforters on the market today. Save big when you order with free promo code TFM. That's TFM, the Ible Man podcast, obviously on all 250. [00:20:00] Quality American products at MyPillow. MyPillow is here to transform your sleep experience. And it's a special treat for our listeners.

You can enjoy up to 80 percent off your order with the code TFM. Yes, you heard that right. 80 up to 80 percent off. You'll not only enjoy some most comfortable and cozy products you've ever bought, but also support a great American company, the Fallible Man podcast, and save a ton of money doing it. It's really a triple win.

So why wait? Head over to mypillow. com slash TFM. Or call 800 796 9775. That's 800 796 9775 to order. Now, you can't be your best without a good night's sleep. And my pillow delivers guys walking back in the first part of the show. We spent some time just getting to know who Dr. Moore it is. And this part of the show, we're talking about anger and as men, a lot of us are familiar with this at some level.

If you are saying you're not, you're probably lying to yourself because anger doesn't always look like, you know, some guy blowing [00:21:00] up like a freak on a movie. Now, Dr. Morton, you got into medicine much, much to your dismay originally, uh, based on our previous conversation, you, this was not where you were going.

So I understand that. And then you became fascinated in reducing or eliminating anger. In that, what, what took you from standard medicine to being so fixated on dealing with anger?

Speaker 2: Well, remember, uh, remember I said, uh, in the first segment that I had a lot of anger in my twenties and my thirties, as I went through, um, college started pretty much in college and then medical school and medical training.

And then my first few years of practice. I had a lot of anger. I had a lot of anxiety. Um, all of my relationships failed, you know, largely due to, you know, wasn't really able to control my anger issues. And, you know, I was having all this personal struggles. Professionally, I was doing very well and being successful, but inside I just felt all, you [00:22:00] know, not really happy and in control of my emotions.

And, and so it bothered me. I tried all the standard anger management stuff and stress management stuff and didn't really help that much. So, so I'm sitting there struggling with my own issues and I would get angry at my patients sometimes when they wouldn't follow my advice or they did stupid things and made bad decisions.

And, you know, it's like, um, so, but, but, you know, as a, one of, as a doctor, You know, we, we're taking care of patients over time. So it's, we, we can see the angry people from the not so angry people. It kind of sticks out. And then we see what happens over time, which a lot of people, when they go to work, that's not their perspective.

But when a doctor goes to work, we see, you know, we can clearly see a group of people that are much more angry than the rest of our patients. And we see what happens to them over time. And we see what happens to everybody over time. But, you know, we, we quickly see a pattern where, you know, the angry [00:23:00] people get more heart attacks, they get more strokes, they get other illnesses, they get addicted to alcohol and other drugs more easily.

They come in and tell you that they, you know, their wife just asked for a divorce, or their spouse just asked for a divorce, uh, or they're estranged from their kids, or they lost their job because they had a blow up or something, or they got in a fight. You know, with somebody on the street who said the wrong thing or a road rage or whatever, you got all this stuff that anger, you know, negatively produces in our life and, um, and, and you see that and then you're sitting there like, well, I've got anger too.

If I don't figure this out pretty soon, because I was young then younger than most of my patients, but if I don't figure it out pretty soon, I might end up, you know, in the same boat that they're in. So that was the impetus. That got me into personal development work, which a lot of busy doctors and other busy people don't think they have the time to do.

But for me, it was a priority cause I was suffering so much with my own anger. Um, and plus it was frustrating, you know, as [00:24:00] a, as a person who was used to succeeding at things. Like in sports, I was always successful in academia. I was successful in medicine. I was successful in almost everything. I, any problem I ran into that I put my mind to, I could solve, but I could not solve this anger mystery.

I just couldn't do anything about it. You know? Um, I took up tennis in my late, uh, twenties. I don't know if you ever saw John McEnroe play. Yeah, that was like, that was, Not, not tennis wise, but anger wise, I could hold my own with John McEnroe on a tennis court. Oh, wow. I could yell, I would yell and scream at myself and thrash my racket and annoy the hell out of the people, you know, playing next to me.

Um, so, and I, and it wasn't just on the tennis court. I couldn't control it in my life. And it was very demoralizing because every time I would get lose control, I felt like, you know, I was failing. I felt like I, you know, You know, I wasn't in control of myself, which is not a good feeling. So I had all this stuff that was driving me towards figuring this all out.

And I did personal development work for a couple of years. I cobbled together [00:25:00] stuff from different disciplines and different programs. And eventually, to my surprise, I, I came up with a, a, an understanding, a system for understanding anger and dealing with it. For the first time in my life, gave me the power, actually didn't give me the power, it enabled me.

To access the power I already had, but I didn't know I had, um, to approach anger in a way that I could actually get control over it for the first time, because I understood finally how I was generating it, where it was coming from within me, because we all, we all know where it's coming from outside of us, we all know the, what the politicians are doing, what the other people are doing, people lie to us, they steal from us, they do horrible things, we see that and we feel the anger, but we don't really understand the mechanism.

So. That's going on inside. That's actually generating the emotion. It's not really coming directly from the outside things. It's coming from the internal processes that get triggered that are invisible. You can't feel them. You can't see them. You can't [00:26:00] taste them. You can't sense them, but they're in there actively producing those angry feelings.

And until you know, it's like you're missing, uh, critical puzzle pieces to the, to the whole process. And then you're trying to figure out, well, what do I do about this, this process? You can't do a lot if you don't, if you're missing the most important pieces. That's basically what I discovered.

Speaker: Now for all of you under the age of 35.

If you are not familiar with John McEnroe, go look up some of these old YouTube videos. You

Speaker 2: know, he's still playing, he's playing pickleball. Now you can, you can see him on a Instagram pickleball. He hasn't changed a bit. He's still just as volatile, just as, just as fiery and angry as he was. As a teenager

Speaker 3: issues,

Speaker: he

Speaker 2: hasn't evolved.

He hasn't evolved all that much.

Speaker: And if you don't enjoy watching tennis, go look up, uh, Mr. Deeds. With Adam Sandler, great, funny movie. John McEnroe, uh, makes a [00:27:00] cameo in that and it's in it for a few minutes and they act like a bunch of jackasses together is humorous, but you can see his anger really flaring that one too.

So I gotta, I gotta reach out. We've got some listeners who are not old enough to remember John McEnroe, uh, when he was crushing the tennis scene. Is it true? I saw this post the other day on your Facebook. Is it true that you created National Stress Awareness Month?

Speaker 2: I did. I did. I created it in 1992 and I just said to myself, you know, we should have a month, you know, that's devoted to raising awareness about stress.

And it wasn't, it wasn't anything that I personally tried to control. I opened it up as a window for people, anybody in the stress field, anybody in the health professions, anybody working around the area of stress. You got a 30 day window every April to celebrate whatever information you want to put out there and help people understand stress better, deal with stress better, clear up myths and [00:28:00] misconceptions.

And I've been sponsoring it every year for the last 30, 32 years, whatever, 33 years, whatever it is. And some years I contribute stuff, some years I don't. So, um, uh, but mainly it's, it's, it's just something I created so that other people in the field could, um, promote whatever their particular expertise is or their particular insights are.

And so more of that gets out into the public space where people can take advantage of it. So yes, that was me guilty.

Speaker: You guys need to check out his Facebook post about that for this month. Cause it was hilarious.

Speaker 2: You know, it's funny last year, Jennifer Lopez did a, uh, posted a picture of herself, semi nude, um, to promote national stress awareness was

Speaker: really funny.

Interesting way to deal with stress, but I, yeah, I, I came across that post. You hadn't responding to that. It was like,

Speaker 3: I [00:29:00]

Speaker: was just trying to figure out how that connected to.

Speaker 2: And a couple of years before that, a couple of years before that, Ellen DeGeneres did a, um, a little five minute bit on one of her TV shows where she kind of made fun of poke fun of it, but she used stress awareness month as the opportunity to do her little fun bit on stress and it was, it was like a Saturday night live skit.

It was pretty funny.

Speaker: Now. A lot of guys, it's funny because you get two extremes. You get the guy who's like, I'm never mad. I'm never angry. And then you get the guy, right? Uh, I love this picture. This always cracks me up. We'll play this a little bit. That's

Speaker 3: my seat.

Speaker: I'm always angry. See, we always have those two responses. We have those guys who are perpetually angry. And then the guys who are convinced they're never angry.

Speaker 2: I think we all get, we all get angry. From time to time, even now for [00:30:00] me, I mean, every once in a while now, I used to be able all the time, but now it's very infrequent.

But still, there are things that tweak us. There are things that trigger us. And a lot of times people, you'll have a picture. If you ask somebody, are you an angry person? Or do you have an anger issue or anger issues? And they'll have a picture in their mind of what that would look like if the answer was yes.

And like you say, it might be somebody punching holes in walls or, you know, um, doing violent things. Stuff for, you know, blowing up extreme anger and, and they see, well, I don't do that. So therefore I don't have any anger. But if you ask them, you know, do you get annoyed every once in a while? You get irritated, you know, when things aren't going the way you want them to go.

And, and that's all, those are all little, little, you know, hits of anger. Um, that can, that can add up, you know, a lot of relationships end up failing because there are these little irritations that people don't address and they just stuff them and they sit on them and they become resentments. And then after a couple of years of that, then one of the parties says, I want a divorce.

You [00:31:00] know, I can't be around you anymore. So these are not harmless. The little, the little types of anger can be just sometimes as damaging as the more overt Hulk type expressions of anger. It's all, it's what's going on internally when we get triggered and different people feel anger to different degrees and have it in the intensity varies by person and.

So there's a lot of variability in it, but we all have to struggle with it from time to time and almost universally. We all misunderstand where it comes from. So almost everybody

Speaker: totally different flavors of anger, right? You got that explosive anger, like the Hulk, and then you get the guys who just get quiet and kind of

Speaker 3: do.

Speaker: And then we, my, my favorite, I have a friend who wrote, rage is really bad. He wrote, right. What you wrote? Rage is really bad, man. He's flipping the bird and yelling. I'm like, I'm sitting in his passenger seat going, you, you understand they can't hear you, right? This is helping nobody, including yourself right now.

[00:32:00] Yeah. It

Speaker 2: is. When you look at it from that 30, 000 foot view, it looks kind of silly, but in, but, but what's happening is something's being triggered inside that they're not aware of that's driving it. And, and it's the same thing for whether it's a little anger or big anger. It's coming from the same, uh, mechanism that we don't get taught.

You know, I went through all my education, good education, college, seven years of medical training. Um, I even did some psychology training after medical school. Not in none of that did I get. Come to the understanding that I eventually came to about where my anger is coming from. It's not being taught in schools today.

It's not being taught in colleges today. I mean, can you imagine that every kid graduating college today graduates without understanding where their emotions come from inside of them, without understanding how they're going to screw up their relationships? You know, what kind of patterns they have inside them that are going to ruin their relationships, even the ones they really want to succeed at.

We, we don't have basic life [00:33:00] mastery skills that get transmitted to us in our formal education. If you're lucky enough to get them, seek them and get them on your own or listen to podcasts or, or, or Ted talks or whatever, wherever you get your, you know, your supplemental education, uh, that's where we learn a lot of really good.

Uh, principles about how to be successful in life, be happy in life, develop skills that are kind of, seem kind of rare, but everybody has the ability to develop them.

Speaker: And you said as a doctor, you've seen having anger in your life actually degrade your health overall. Yeah.

Speaker 2: Big time.

Speaker: All these guys go into the gym and just hitting the weights or taking care of themselves that are dealing with anger are fighting uphill battle anyway.

Speaker 2: Well, they're dealing with it on that down there. They're dealing with it on the, after the anger side, you know, once the anger is generated, then what do you do? How do you keep that from being harmful to you? Well, then you go run, run five miles, punch a punching bag, [00:34:00] exercise, you know, hit a pillow. You know, do, do whatever, you know, go out in the backyard yelling, scream, whatever you do.

Okay. Now the anger is already built up. Now, what do you do with it? I like to work on the front side, which is how about if we don't build up the anger in the first place, you know, how about if we understand what that process is that causes it to build up and you can, you can go in and turn the valve off.

Okay. Or turn the valves off that are creating the anger. Then you don't have to worry about it. What do I do with all this anger? I now have because you wouldn't have it. You know, you don't have to manage anything. You don't have to release anything. You don't have to watch your P's and Q's about how you express your anger.

So you don't, you know, tweak somebody because you're just not angry. You're not even have to, you don't have to communicate your anger because you see the situation differently now and, and, and seeing it differently, you realize, oh, that was nothing to get angry about. Um, which you can do in that road rage situation.

If the person was, was willing, they could look at their automatic. [00:35:00] Oh, this is horrible. They're doing that. They're a bad person. They're a bad driver. They're ruining my life They could take all that stuff that's churning inside of them and they go wait a second. That's all caca, you know That's that's that's not true uh, you know the It might be an 80 year old guy in front of me You know or a woman in front of me who's driving slowly or they might just gotten bad news or who knows what?

You know so you can You can change your perspective on why the thing's happening and go like, Oh, well, okay, it's nothing to be angry about

Speaker: with 40 years of knowledge in this field. What do most of us get wrong about it? About anger issues?

Speaker 2: Well, I think it's the cause effect ideas that we have about it.

So we have this simplistic model that our culture and everything has reinforced where it looks like it's a direct cause effect. You know, something happens, somebody drives slow, somebody cuts us off, somebody lies to us, steals from us, betrays us, [00:36:00] does something, um, and then we feel the anger, okay? And it looks like it's a direct one two cause effect.

Simple. The problem is it's incorrect. It's an incorrect model. There's actually four steps involved in the process there. Yes, there is the thing that we see, you know, the person driving slow, the person doing something, whatever. Um, we see that and then we get. The anger, which is like the end product, which is the fourth step.

But then there's two steps in the middle that we don't notice that are happening inside us. So we don't know that they're there. And so we're missing like two of the four, two of the three big puzzle pieces. That's causing the fourth part of the process, which is the anger. So that, so, so we're trying to, we wish we could do something about our anger and we're trying to do it, but we only had, we're missing [00:37:00] half the puzzle pieces that we really need or more than half.

And it wasn't until I figured out what those missing puzzle pieces inside me were, once I figured that out, then I could now step in and now I could take control of my anger, which I couldn't do before because I had no awareness. Of what was going on.

Speaker: How have we come so far in this world and, and missed half this equation this long?

Speaker 2: Because it's like everything else in the world today. It's just, people are just spewing disinformation all over the place, telling you that it's the truth, you know, and, and they're not really getting down to bare bones and what's really real and what's really true. And all of us have been hypnotized and seduced into accepting non truths It's just like what we do, what we become accustomed to.

And it gets reinforced every day in, in every institution, every input, uh, including academics and schools and the media and everything. It just constantly, [00:38:00] it's a constant barrage. of untruths being sold to us as truths. And by the way, we do that ourselves. We do that internally. Okay. Um, I, one of my, one of my sayings that I like to repeat is that our brains on a daily basis produce more fake news than all the media outlets in the world.

And we don't know it. We think it's truth. We think we're. Seeing things truthfully, thinking things truthfully, and a lot of it is fake news or partial truths, missing a lot of detail, missing a lot of pieces. So talk about fallibility, we are, we are fallible most of the time thinking we're not, and that's really where anger comes from, to tell you the truth, which is a very unpopular, unfamiliar thing for people to hear.

But a lot of times when we're angry, we're actually wrong about [00:39:00] something, and we don't know it. We think we're right, and then the anger makes us feel that we're right, and justified, and righteous. But really, if you looked at the filters, if you looked at the way we're looking at the world that's causing our anger, like for example, the guy, the road rage friend of yours, the way he's looking at the world is incorrect.

He doesn't know it. He believes it's true. That's where his anger is coming from. That he's got an incorrect view of the world and other people, and drivers, and traffic, and how the world should be. Okay, um, and he thinks he's right on the money. Okay, and then if he's correct, if he were correct, then anger would be a reasonable response.

But he's just sitting there looking out on the world, seeing things falsely, getting all worked up inside, not realizing that he is producing his anger through falsehoods that he's, that he's bought into, and is unwilling to look at [00:40:00] and, And debate himself on and discover that he's fallible. He made a mistake.

It was, but it wasn't him. It is his brain and his body have been conditioned to see things incorrectly and to react automatically in knee jerk fashion. And a lot of times it's wrong. You know, we know, you know, when you jump to a conclusion, it often turns out to be wrong. And you discover you made a false, you made a false assumption.

You know, well, that's how anger gets created all the time. Uh, we're, we're, we're take internal, uh, perceptions that look true or actually in some ways false. And we have big blind spots where we're not seeing the whole picture and we think we've got the whole picture. So, you know, it's funny. I tell a story.

I tell a story to how anger gets created in the brain and I call it the three hot dog, um, secret. So it's like you go to a hot dog vendor on the street and you say, I want three hot dogs and you tell them the condiments you want. So they pull the dogs out of the bin and put them in the buns and put the [00:41:00] condiments on and then the vendor puts the dogs, three dogs in a machine.

And machine does its thing and you can't see what it's doing. And then it spits the hot dogs out the other end, the back end of the machine. The vendor goes around, gets the hot dogs, puts them in a bag. You pay, hands the bag to you. You go off. It's a nice day. You find a park bench, you sit down, you open up the bag to enjoy your hot dogs.

And lo and behold, you look in the bag, you've got three half hot dogs. The machine, the machine has cut the hot, unbeknownst to you, the machine cut the hot dogs in half, disposed of one half and pushed the remaining three halves out the back end, which is what the vendor handed to you. So you think you've got three whole hot dogs in the bag.

When you look in, the reality is you got three half hot dogs. That's how our brain creates anger. There's three filters that we look through. The way we see the world, and we think we've got whole truths. We got whole hot dogs. But we only have half hot [00:42:00] dogs. And we don't know, we don't see it. We think they're whole hot dogs, but they're only half.

We're missing half of the, uh, half of reality. Or pieces of reality. It's not always half, but pieces of reality we're missing. Blind spots, things that are missing. Um, and we think we got the whole picture. And based on falsely assuming we have the whole picture, then we get the emotion. Okay, but if you really go back and you say, okay, was, were these three filters true?

Are the things that I'm seeing and believing, are they actually true? And you start interrogating them, you will find that there are holes in, in one or more of them make the whole anger thing like unnecessary. And you literally, you literally confront your own fallibility and how your brain automatically processes things.

in a fallible way. And then you can use another part of your brain to recognize that, to see the truth, tell the truth, [00:43:00] remind yourself, wait a second, you know, these people who are driving slow and are bothering me, they aren't really bad people. They aren't really trying to hurt me. They aren't trying to mess up my day.

You know, these are all false perceptions that we may have most of the time that's driving our upset. And when you see yourself in, when you see yourself doing that, actually doing that, Oh, I'm getting myself upset because I'm seeing the world incorrectly. And that's making me upset. Then you go like, Oh, I can stop that.

That's. That's kind of ridiculous to be doing that because then all the truthfulness of it, you know, it gets weakened and now you can play with it a little bit and go like, Oh, maybe it's not true. You know, maybe they're okay. People, you know, maybe it's no big deal that we're going a little few miles slower or, you know, whatever it is that I've got going on or, you know, it's, maybe it's not all that important.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker: Dr. Moore true or false. It doesn't matter if we're the quiet anger guys are the guys who don't think we're angry or the guys who [00:44:00] explode. You can help us learn to navigate these waters.

Speaker 2: It's true because they're all, it all comes from the same three filters. You know, uh, I don't know when you, I can happen to tell you what those are.

Do we have time in a second to do it?

Speaker: I just, I just wanted, we're going to go into that in a minute. I just wanted to,

Speaker 2: yeah, the little anger and the big anger, they all come from that same three ways of looking at things. It's just, you have, people have different intensity of responses, but it's all, it's the same causes.

You know, any kind of anger is always caused by the same three filters.

Speaker: So guys. We've been talking about anger, how it impacts your life, how there is actually a solution to it in the next portion of the show, Dr. Moore is going to help us learn to actually process our anger the right way. So we don't necessarily get angry.

As he said, he's hardly been angry in the last 40 years. Obviously there's that off moment, but. He has learned to filter the world more appropriately, [00:45:00] not have this anger issue, not have these irritations, and he's going to help us all learn to start doing that in our own lives. Guarantee it's going to be worth your time.

So we're going to roll our sponsor and we will be right back with Dr. Moore to help you learn to process your anger more correctly. Struggling to catch quality Z's at night. It's time to change that narrative. Sleep isn't just a luxury. It's the crucial component for your overall wellbeing. From managing your weight to boosting muscle growth, reducing stress, and even enhancing your daily performance.

Sleep plays a vital role. Are you ready to level up your sleep game? Get a better night's sleep overall? Then look no further than ghostbed. com. Join me in experiencing the difference with GhostBed. It's been a game changer for my sleep routine over the years. That's why here at the Fallible Man podcast, we're honored to partner with our sponsor, ghostbed.

com to bring you this discount. So head to ghostbed. com, unlock a sweet [00:46:00] 30 percent discount on your order using the code fallible. Don't wait any longer to upgrade your sleep quality. Let's make tonight the start of a better sleep and a better day is ahead. Now let's dive back into the show guys. Welcome back in the last part of the show.

We were discussing anger and how it impacts your life and how it's not, we're not getting all the pieces here. We think it's pretty black and white, but it's not in this part of the show. We're going to stop. I just said that wrong. We're going to move into how to stop getting angry and irritated and upset without going to therapy.

Guys, I've been in anger management therapy before. It's not a fun place and it wasn't particularly productive for me. That may not be everybody's experience, uh, but it was definitely mine. So I'm really excited about the idea of. learning to process anger and irritation a different way and get it under control without the therapy sessions.

Cause I don't like therapists. I don't [00:47:00] personal pet peeve. Never had a good experiences with the doctor more. You've developed an entirely different approach and you already kind of let us into, we've been missing some of the pieces. So. What, how do, how do we do this?

Speaker 2: Yeah, well, first, let me just give a little context that, that anger happens as like a triggered phenomenon.

We don't have a lot of control over, you know, however we experience anger. It just happens automatically based on our previous life experiences. So you can't really, once you learn this, you learn to understand anger better. It's not going to immediately stop you from getting angry. You're still going to get angry.

Okay, in the beginning, but at least you'll know where it's coming from. At least you'll have a system that you'll be able to step in immediately or quickly and go, okay, I can make that go away. So it doesn't last for days or weeks or disturb your sleep or anything, but then over time, what happens and what happened for me when I practice doing this, Many, many times over a period of a year or two years, eventually it sort of changes you, [00:48:00] changes your brain.

It changes how you see the world and you stop getting angry, but it's not, that doesn't happen like right in the beginning. What happens in the beginning is you learn, you understand your anger. You continue to get angry. But now you have a different way of understanding it relating to it. So, what I discovered 40 years ago that I didn't know, despite all my education, was that, again, we don't, we don't really see the world as it actually is.

We, we see it, it's filtered. Everything that we experience internally is coming through filters. Our brain filters everything. There's just too much information out there. Um, to for our brain that process at all. So we chunks it down. It makes it simplifies things and it leaves stuff out. Sometimes it leaves big pieces of reality out.

And then it presents us with a sense of reality that looks like it's the whole thing, but it usually has holes in it. But anyhow, that's so that's what happened. So anger comes from looking from three specific filters. You're looking at the world in three ways, [00:49:00] and those ways are usually somebody, somebody did something that was bad and wrong.

That's the first filter. So notice, we don't really get angry if we think somebody did something wonderful or great or terrific. Fantastic. That doesn't make us angry. It's only when they do something bad or wrong, or we think they shouldn't have done. The second filter is somebody was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

By the bad behavior. And then the third filter is that person who did the bad thing and did the hurt and harm was unilaterally responsible or to blame for what happened. So, for example, take, uh, take a terrorist attack, which obviously not a great thing, but take a terrorist attack and something happens in a, in your, in our country and we get angry.

Did it happen? Why do we get angry? We're looking at it through these three filters. The terror, whoever did it, um, shouldn't have done it. It was a bad and wrong thing. Let's say they blew up a bomb or something and injured and killed people. It was a bad and wrong thing, but we're hurt and harmed. That's filter number two.

And who was responsible? The terrorist for deciding to do [00:50:00] this. So when you see the world through those three filters and you believe they're absolutely true, a hundred percent true, anger is what will come up. Now, if you were feeling anxious, if you're feeling anxious, you've got three different filters.

Go ahead.

Speaker: I got to stop you for just a second. Sure. For all of our sensors out there, we were talking about this at a theoretical level level. So this is the theoretical discussion. With a terrorist as an example.

Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely. Yes. Hypothetical hypothetical. Sorry.

Speaker: YouTube is really, really trigger words.

These things.

Speaker 2: Right. But if you got, I mean, if you saw, if you watched a video clip on Instagram and then you got angry, whatever you saw, you, you, you would be seeing it through a filter of that, whatever I saw, it shouldn't have, it shouldn't have happened. The people who were in that video shouldn't have done what they did.

Somebody was hurt and harmed, negatively impacted. And somebody was unilaterally responsible to blame. And that's where your anger comes from. It always comes from those three [00:51:00] filters. Okay, regardless of the most horrendous situation or, you know, somebody cut you off in traffic. It's the same thing. They shouldn't have done that.

You were now negatively impacted. Your progress was impeded. And who was at fault? The, the other person was at fault, you know, for driving, for cutting you off and being, you know, not being careful and not being a conscientious driver. You were looking through those filters. Okay, so that's. That's how that happens.

So, um, I remember when I was first starting to explore the, the, this process, um, I, I too, I would like to get, I used to like to get angry in my car when people would cut me off and I would like to flip the bird and honk the horn and work up the anger. Cause I thought that was a good thing to do to express it.

And then one day I was driving down the road, somebody pulled into an entrance ramp and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting them. I started to work up the anger and then I realized, oh my gosh, I was going 80 miles an hour in the right hand lane. [00:52:00] I didn't notice that before. So that piece, that third filter that says they were 100 percent responsible or to blame.

for this incident turned out to be false. Uh, yeah, they did what they did, but I was driving 80 miles an hour and I remember times when in my life I had been in their shoes. I had come onto an entrance ramp for a highway and I took a quick glance and I saw a car in the distance. I didn't realize how fast it was going.

You know, I just leisurely kind of came onto the highway and all of a sudden they're on top of me. It wasn't because I was a bad driver or an inconsiderate driver. It was because I didn't realize they were going 80 miles an hour with that quick little, you know, glance back there. So when I realized that I, it was that I played a role in, in this happening, I couldn't, I couldn't work up the anger anymore.

It was like, I can see. The truth of the matter is that they weren't totally responsible to blame, they weren't being inconsiderate, probably. And that I played a major role in why the incident happened. So that's what I'm talking about. When you, when you can see these filters and understand where the anger is coming from, then you can step in and say, Okay, are they true?[00:53:00]

Uh, are each of them true? And all you have to do is find one of them that isn't completely true. And the whole emotion, it's like a three legged stool. The whole emotion collapses because you took out one of the major legs that was keeping it alive. That's, that's The benefit of knowing these three filters is that it gives you the, it returns the power to you, uh, where you can step in and argue with the reality that your brain is presenting to you and then making you upset.

Speaker: Okay. And I apologize for interrupting. I generally don't do that to a guest. Uh, the sensors have gotten.

Speaker 2: No, I appreciate the, I, I, I'm not that, I'm not on YouTube that much that I have that same sensitivity that you do, but as soon as you said it, I said, Oh yeah, I can't, I understand exactly where he's coming from.

Speaker: I, I, I have to interject those in just because I don't want people to miss the, the whole conversation because keywords were triggered. That that's, [00:54:00] unfortunately that's the world we live in. Yes. That's why I have a backup rumble account as well. Rumble doesn't do that to me, but I do have to be sensitive to that.

Now you said, let me get, if I got this right, said it comes from an injustice, right? Something, they did something wrong, right?

Speaker 2: It comes from the perception of

Speaker: perception or the

Speaker 2: judgment that they did something wrong.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker 2: Which is something our brain is doing.

Speaker: Okay. And Or someone was hurt,

Speaker 2: someone was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

Speaker: Yeah. And it was just wrong to happen.

Speaker 2: No. And the person who did the wrong thing was pretty much a hundred percent responsible or to blame. It's like we have these very narrow blinders on and we're just focused on their behavior and we don't see any other causes. Like for example, in the driving example I gave, I, I, when I was angry that this person cut me off, I had blinders on, I couldn't see that I was going 80 miles an hour.

But as soon as I saw that, like, okay, the blinders are off now. Now [00:55:00] I see, I see what they did, but I also see what I did. Now I have a different picture of the event and now I can't get angry at them because I have caused it. So, so that's what I mean by that. Um, so those are the three ways of looking and they're all being generated by our brain through our conditioning.

So different people will look at different, we'll have different judgments about different things. And we'll judge people to be wrong for different reasons. A lot of times we judge people to be wrong. And doing bad things when they're when they're not really bad wrong. They're just different from how we would do them But but the judgment comes out They were wrong.

Okay, like for example, my my wife and I were about to celebrate our 40th anniversary

Speaker: Congratulations

Speaker 2: never would have happened had I not discovered this process 40 years ago and got rid of most of my anger So when we met I had gotten rid of most of my anger. She never had a lot of anger So consequently we never had a lot of angry fights in our relationship, but early on I [00:56:00] noticed there was this one time That we would start getting angry with each other and it stuck out like a sore thumb.

It was so rare and it happened like two or three times and it was in the same scenario. And I went like, this is weird, what the heck's going on here? And it would only happen on car trips. We went somewhere on a car trip and even more bizarre. It wouldn't happen when we drove to the car. to the destination.

It wouldn't happen while we were at the resort or wherever we were, the vacation place, wherever we were. It only happened when we drove home. It was like even weirder. So I started to say, after it happened like two or three times, I'm like, what, something's going on here, you know? Um, and so I looked at the three filters.

I said, uh, and what, what would usually happen? We'd be, I'd be driving, we'd be driving home. I'd be behind the wheel. My wife would say, Hey, there's something over here. It's only like an hour off of our path. I'd really like to go see that. Let's go. And I would go, no, we're not doing that. And she would go, what do you mean we're not doing?

I said, no, we're not doing that. And, you know, I would have a tone and, you know, and she would react and she, and I would react to her reaction and we'd get snowball [00:57:00] from there. And I, and so I started to, you know, I said, okay, so those, that's why I was upset with her asking. Now, let me look at it. You know, is it true that she really did something bad and wrong by asking to deviate from the path?

And I went like,

Speaker 3: not

Speaker 2: really. I mean, that's how my family did it. You know, when I was a kid, her, she came from a different family. She was a single, uh, only child and her mother and father, when they took trips there, her mother would always say, let's go over here. And they would go two hours out of the way.

And that was their tradition. So it really wasn't wrong. Um, it was just how she did it, and liked it, and as soon as I saw that, I realized that I had falsely judged her as doing something wrong, when in fact, it wasn't really wrong. So from that point forward, I realized that that was a stupid thing for me to keep doing.

You know, accusing her of doing the wrong thing, but she really, the truth was, she really wasn't. So from that point on, every time we're doing, in a situation, and she says, Hey, I'd like to go over here. And it's off of our beaten [00:58:00] path. I said, sure, honey, if that's what you want to do, let's go do it. It's part of my job as a husband is to have you have what you want.

So, so I didn't see, but you see, I'm seeing it completely differently. I'm not seeing it as a crime. I'm not seeing it as a major, you know, no, no. Um, like I did originally, it was kind of like an, my brain told me, you know, she's wrong. She's wrong. You don't drive home that way. You drive straight home. You never deviate.

That was my pattern. And that was my brain. That was the fake news. My brain was sending me. That that's how anyone should drive all the time, which is false. So that's just an example of how we have comes up all the time in relationships and in our lives with everything where we often will judge people based on our own personal standards, as if the whole world is supposed to live by our standards, which is a crazy notion to have.

Speaker: That, that, that example is going to come back to haunt me. Cause that's my wife and I have the car straight there. My wife was like, Oh, let's do [00:59:00] this.

I go to the bathroom, fill up gas, get a drink.

Speaker 2: Exactly the way our family did it. No, no deviation whatsoever.

Speaker: Oh my goodness. So if we can start adjusting these filters. Right. I, and I love that you

Speaker 2: can't, you can't adjust the filters there. You're stuck. You're stuck. It's like, it's like trying to get bicycle riding out of your body.

You know, once, once you learn to ride a bicycle and you have all those, you know, balance and all that, all those things that get ingrained, you can be, you can not ride a bicycle for 50 years and get on one and you can still ride. It's still in your body. So you're not, you're not getting rid of these filters.

The only thing you do is increase your awareness of the fact that they click in whenever you're angry. And now you know what they are. You can write those three things down on an index card or on your cell phone. You know, somebody did something bad and wrong they shouldn't have done. Somebody was hurt, harmed, negatively impacted.

Somebody, that person, was unilaterally responsible and blamed. [01:00:00] You can write that down and every single time from this day on, when you get angry, You'll know exactly where that anger is coming from 100 percent never fails. I've been doing it for 40 years working my own anger and other people's anger. It has never not been those three filters when a person was truly angry.

Now, if they had another emotion, that's a whole different, you know, ballgame because they have different filters for different emotions. But if you're angry, annoyed, irritated, uh, it's not even frustrated, kind of falls in that category, uh, or rip roaring angry. It doesn't matter. You got those three filters working unconsciously inside of you that you don't even know is where your anger is coming from, but that's where it's coming from.

And you're believing they're all true. And if you examine them, you'll find out if you're willing to be honest. If you're willing to be fallible and willing to admit, you can make your body is capable of telling you, giving you fake news. Um, and you can see what the fake news is and understand what lies beyond it.

You can make your anger [01:01:00] disappear by doing that process.

Speaker: I love that you threw in that at the beginning of this isn't an instant process, I would have been worried if you had been like, yeah, we're going to take care of it like that. No, no, this is what you can

Speaker 2: do. You can, you can do what I just said. You can get angry and say, okay, I know how I'm thinking.

I can pull out my cell phone. I'm thinking this, this, this. Yep. Okay. Now, is this true? Uh, made a mistake. And within 15, 30 seconds, You can go, I was wrong. Nothing to be angry about. And literally you will, you will drop the anger in that moment. Now, five minutes later, you might be driving down the road, all peaceful and calm, and your brain sends you the same story again, Oh, you remember back then you really were, you really did do this and they really were wrong and all that, and you have to do the same thing again.

You have to remind yourself, wait a minute, that's fake news. That my brain is sending me. Here's the truth. I just looked at it five minutes ago. It's the same truth hasn't changed I just have to remind myself now. No, that's not true [01:02:00] That's a false narrative that my brain is sending me just like we do with the regular news I mean, we all know the regular news is is false most of the time and you have to remind yourself what's true You know, yeah, they're telling me what to believe but uh, i've got my own You know, ideas here, my own way of looking at things, and I don't buy that, you know, so that we have to do the same thing with ourselves.

We have to combat the fake news that our brain is sending us. That's making us angry. And by the way, have you noticed media people excel at making us angry? They know the formula. They know the three filters. They know what to say and how to say it. The trigger those three filters. Somebody did something bad and wrong.

Somebody was hurt and harmed, negatively impacted. The, the, the offending person was unilaterally responsible to blame. There are no other causes. And then they sell that to us. And then we get up, we get angry and we go click on their thing or buy their thing or whatever, and that's how they make their money.

They know exactly what we're talking [01:03:00] about today. They are masters at just like our own brain does it to ourselves. The media just feeds that same tendency that we have within us and they know what it is and they can make us anxious. They can make us angry and they can. Hit us against each other. And that's what they do.

Same mechanism. And

Speaker: as we go through this practice over and over again, as we work through this, this will actually build more into just a altered perception.

Speaker 2: You actually change your brain. You create new synapses in your brain, which we're doing all the time anyway. Anytime you learn something new, you've got new synapses.

Anytime, you know, you discover something, you've got new synapses. But you can intentionally, that's what practice is. Practice is you're reinforcing, you know, new behaviors, new synapses in your brain until you get really good at it. It becomes automatic. But, but you can literally by when you, when you see the world automatically, which you don't have any control over most of the time, then you say, oops, I saw the world automatically.

And it was this way, this way and [01:04:00] this way. Now, let me re examine that. Is it true? And you go, oh, it's not so true. That in and of itself is going to do some brain work on your brain. And if you do that 100 times or 200 times or 300 times in different scenarios. You're going to be building more wisdom and intelligence into your synapses so that when something the next thing happens a year from now that's similar that used to trigger the hell out of you and annoy you now you're going oh well that's like I can see that differently now automatically I just saw it differently I didn't see it the wrong way.

So I didn't get upset. You know, that's, that's when you asked me, you know, can I, what, what triggered me, you know, what triggers me to get upset. It's like, I don't do it anymore because I reprogram myself and change my brain over years and years and years of doing this work. Um, again, not overnight. Um, but now I see the world differently because i've trained my brain to be more Accurate than than the fake news generation part of my [01:05:00] brain That used to send me fake news and still does still does but I now have not combated easier now

Speaker: Dr.

Mark, what's next for you? What's the big project?

Speaker 2: Well, so i've had a coaching program where I teach people how to do this Um, and that's been very successful, but I really i'm I can only You I can only help so many people in a one on one coaching thing. So I wrote a book, um, that I just released recently on Amazon.

It's called Dr. Orman's life changing anger cure. And it literally spells out everything we've talked about today. Every plus a lot more goes into greater depth, but the whole thing, everything I teach in my coaching program, I laid out nothing held back. I gave you the whole blueprint, the whole methodology.

The only thing I can't do. That I can do in a coaching program is you can say to me, well, I got angry at my wife yesterday. I got angry at my kids yesterday. And I say, okay, well, let's apply this to that situation. And I will help you work through how you would work through it. You know, in that [01:06:00] individual situation.

I can't do that in a book because I don't know what got you angry, but I can give you some examples of how it would go. How you could do it yourself. But anyhow, so that's available to people now. They can go on Amazon, get that Dr. Orman's life changing anger cure. And it literally has the power to change your life if you understand this stuff.

And it's, by the way, as you're learning about anger, how this process works with anger, it works the same way in other emotions. So you're actually teaching yourself how you can deal with anxiety better, how you can deal with worry better, how you can deal with guilt better, how you can deal with sadness better.

Any of these like negative emotions that can, okay. Pull us down and make us kind of less than, than, uh, you know, the wonderful, capable, able people that we are, you know, and the ability to do the great things that we have the ability to do if these emotions are dragging you down or interfering with your health or your relationship, it's the same process for any of them is you identify the filters and you realize the fake news, your brain sending you that's causing the emotion.

And then you do battle with that. Internally, [01:07:00] you, you debate yourself and, and you try to get down to what's really true and what's not.

Speaker: Where's the best place for people to connect with you, doctor?

Speaker 2: Uh, I've got a website, uh, doc Orman. com is a great place for them to get in touch with me. I also have a free handout, uh, that talks about a little bit about my program that I have.

It's called, um, uh, the URL for that is the anger solution. org. That's a short PDF handout and that'll get you on my email list. And I send emails out, um, every week. Uh, where I discuss a topic related to anger or stress. So those are all great ways for people to connect with me, be in touch with me and interact with me if they want to, which I'm always open to.

Speaker: Guys, of course, we'll have Dr. Orman's links all in the description and the show notes. I'm gonna make sure you guys can continue this conversation with Dr. Orman. Now, I know that all of you are really concerned about which horror writer changed her name from Howard Allen O'Brien. Before the first grade, which [01:08:00] is a tremendous self awareness, but I'm not sure who names a girl Howard.

Uh, you guessed Joyce Carol Oates based on test taking principles with letter C. The actual answer is Anne Rice. Uh, she apparently had a horrible name and changed it to, I think, has better. Uh, one of my listeners actually submitted this question for the show. Uh, so. So guys, if you enjoyed that, send me trivia questions.

I'll, I'll put them on the show and use those instead of looking them up myself. It saves me time.

Speaker 2: I kept my trivia record intact. Very proud of that. Very proud of that.

Speaker: You know, I, by the end of the show, I don't actually care about the trivia question, but the one time I didn't actually include, like give the answer at the end, I heard about it.

I have people like messaging me on Instagram. I was like, what was the answer? Google it, man. Come on. Really? If that's what you're focused on, you missed the show. Dr. Orman. Thank you for taking the time to hang out with us today. [01:09:00] Thank you for your work in understanding anger. And how we can get our lives more in stack with that.

Cause most the prison is filled with people who reacted in anger. Uh, it's one of our great weak points as men, we tend to flare up pretty good. So this, this is life changing work for a lot of us. So thank you for that guys. You heard it. He explained it. He gave you the keys to this. Now it's on you to do something with it.

Dr. Orman and myself. Thanks for hanging out with us. Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you tomorrow. Excellent.

Speaker 4: This has been the fellow man podcast, your home for everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man [01:10:00] gear.