The Three Filters Fueling Your Fury: A Transformative Approach

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Have you ever had your anger flare up?

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It doesn't even have to be like an explosive anger guys.

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I'm not talking to like you have major temporary issues.

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Maybe you do, maybe you don't, but all of us have dealt with anger at some point in our lives.

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Well, today on the fallible man podcast, I had Dr Moore Orman who has spent almost 40 years.

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setting anger and guys, I was shocked.

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Like he caught me off guard entirely.

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Anger does not come from where we think it does.

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And you can absolutely control your anger without having to go to therapy or anger management.

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Dr.

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Morton's going to give us some tools.

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I got, do got to warn you guys.

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Trigger warning.

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I hate to throw that in there.

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We use a terrorist attack as an example, theoretical example during the course of our conversation.

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So if that bothers you, it is coming down the road in this episode, but I promise you, you're going to get something out of this episode because Dr.

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Orman has not had a problem with anger in 40 years.

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He's been studying because he understands where it came from and has taught himself how to deal with anger without ever actually having anger issues.

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Check out the sneak peek of what's to come.

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Stick around for the show.

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I promise it's going to be worth your time.

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Let's get started.

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You can literally buy, when you, when you see the world automatically, which you don't have any control over most of the time, then you say, oops, I saw the world automatically and it was this way, this way, and this way.

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Now let me reexamine that.

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Is it true?

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And you go, Oh, it's not so true that in and of itself is going to.

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Do some brain work on your brain.

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And if you do that a hundred times or 200 times or 300 times in different scenarios, you're going to be building more wisdom and intelligence into your synapses.

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So that when some, the next thing happens a year from now, that's similar, that used to trigger the hell out of you and annoy you.

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Now you go, Oh, well, that's like, I can see that differently now.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full potential, growing to the men we dream of being, while taking care of our responsibilities, working, and living?

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Being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves.

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Well, that's the big question in this podcast.

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We'll help you answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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Welcome to the album man podcast.

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You're home for all things, man, husband, and father.

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Big shout out to fallible nation.

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That's what we'd like to call our longtime listeners.

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And we're glad to have you join that group and a warm welcome to our first time listeners.

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Hey.

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There is a lot out there fighting for your attention.

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So thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to give us a chance.

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Really appreciate it.

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Be sure and connect with me on Instagram at the follow man or any other social media, let me know what you thought of the show.

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I'd love to hear your opinion on it.

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If you really enjoy it, share it with a friend or leave us review on Apple podcasts.

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That helps us to get in front of more people.

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My name is Brent and today my special guest is anger, anger, elimination expert, Dr.

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Mort Orman.

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Dr.

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Mort, welcome to this album and podcast.

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Thank you, Brent.

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Thank you for having me and letting me speak to you and your audience.

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I'm, I'm excited about today's show, but we start kind of easy going.

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So how is your trivia skills?

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My trivia skills are poor, unless it's medicine, then I can hold my own.

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But, uh, yeah, I don't, I don't, um, Do a lot of trivia stuff.

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Well, we're going to take crack at it today.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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What horror writer changed her name from Howard Allen O'Brien before the first grade was a Laura Kay Hamilton.

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B, Anne Rice.

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C, Joyce Carol Oates.

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R, D, Lisa Morton.

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I will, uh, use my, uh, test taking skills, um, to guess the answer with no knowledge, and I will pick C.

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All right, guys.

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You know how the game plays.

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Don't cheat, don't go ahead, and for God's sake, if you're driving, please don't write it down while you're driving.

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Just come back to that later, and we'll deal with the question at the end.

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Now, Dr.

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Moore, I don't do big introductions.

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It doesn't really, people don't care about accolades.

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So in this moment today, who is Dr.

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Moore Orman?

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Uh, Dr.

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Moore Orman is a guy who started out never wanting to be a doctor, swearing he would never become a doctor, resisting tooth and nail, you know, going to medical school, ended up somehow in medical school and and Decided that he really loved medicine and so became a physician and a healer and and that's who he is right now he's someone that uh Is is focused on helping people improve their health and their well being both the mental and physical And, um, I'm retired now, so I could be playing golf every day, but I'm not, I'm still trying to, you know, improve people's lives, save people's lives, um, help people get rid of anger.

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So that's my main focus.

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I mean, truly, I want to, I want to try and reduce the tremendous amount of anger there is in the world today.

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All the, the hostility, the, um, unnecessary anger and rage and division.

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Um, uh, and violence that's in the world.

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That's all coming from anger.

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And I see that as a, it's a huge worldwide problem that not many people are really taking them head on and dressing.

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I'll see.

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I think you're taking an excellent path because you have knowledge and information and podcasts are a great place to share that with the world.

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So I think you're taking an excellent path.

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I'm, I'm not a golfer, so I don't know if that'd be appealing in retirement.

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I'm, I'm glad you're out sharing with the world still, because We need more people with your kind of experience, being able to share what they've learned for some of us who haven't gone that far yet.

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Yeah.

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And that's really what I, I get a lot of enjoyment out of that.

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So it was kind of gets me up every morning.

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Um, I, it's like, I can sit and watch television or Netflix, uh, or whatever.

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And I'm rather be out in the world, just, you know, helping people attributing what I've learned over the last 40, 50 years, um, about life and about mastering life and mastering emotions and dealing with stress and all that kind of stuff that I've had some.

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I've been fortunate to have a lot of success, um, figuring out the solutions for myself and then putting them into teaching programs and workshops and writing books and things to get that information out in the world so other people can have those same kind of benefits and their own changes in their life.

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Uh, Dr.

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Moore.

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Like I said, we, we start pretty easy going.

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So what thinking back of your life, what is the most annoying slogan or catchphrase?

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I don't remember.

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Well, things don't annoy me much.

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They used to annoy me all the time.

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So it's been like 40 years.

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I haven't been annoyed by a whole lot of stuff.

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I'm trying to remember what I was annoyed by.

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Um, you know, it's hard, you know, it's funny.

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I was, uh, I was at a speaking, um, training, um, a year or so ago and I was on stage and there was a coach who was coaching us speakers and, um, I was talking about anger and the guy said, um, well, you don't look very angry.

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You know, so you're talking about anger, but yeah, I don't get you're angry and well, i'm not he says well go back Can you tell me can you show me what it was like back when you were really angry and I I couldn't do it It's been so gone From my life.

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It's something that I wouldn't never have imagined could have happened given all the anger I had in my 20s and 30s as a young man and a young professional Back then I thought there was no way I was ever going to be any different and then all of a sudden you know, I've discovered some stuff and it made a difference and The last 40 years, it's been like, I don't get annoyed.

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I don't get, I mean, a little bit, but every once in a while, but I immediately know where it's coming from.

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I know how to get rid of it.

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So I don't really have a, I don't really have an annoying thing that I can, that my mind goes to when you ask that question.

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No, no.

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Where's the beef for the plane boss, the plane.

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So say that again.

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No, where's the beef for the plane boss, the plane.

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But you know, those, if they did annoy me in the past, when I hear something like that, that's nonsensical or ridiculous, I did just, I just, I It strikes me more as funny than as annoying, you know, fair enough.

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You won 10 million tomorrow.

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What would you spend it on?

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What would I spend it on?

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I would expand my, uh, I would expand my efforts to spread, um, positive information that helps people in their lives.

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I have a, uh, desire to create a life mastery Institute.

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Um, where I can share not just my anger technology that I developed, but I have a lot of other things that I've developed that are a lot of people would benefit from.

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And, um, That would, that to me, that would be my legacy is creating a life mastery institute where I'm able to put all those, all, all of the knowledge that's in my head and in my experience, put it all out into the world under that umbrella and, you know, obviously it takes money to get that done and get that promoted.

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So I would put it, put it into that.

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You can do the Neuralink thing and start uploading your subconscious.

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That's, that might be, that might be a good idea.

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That's the direction you seem to be moving.

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Yeah.

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Hardwired into our brains.

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Yeah.

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Not me personally, but you know.

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What's your go to comfort food or guilty pleasure snack?

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Uh, I like french fries with ketchup.

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Heinz, Heinz ketchup.

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Not any ketchup, Heinz ketchup.

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Any specific french fry?

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Usually, um, uh, home style, what do you call them?

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Home, um, basic, you know, not fancy, not with a, you know, a lot of chemical crispy, all that stuff, just basic home cooked French fries.

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Oh yeah.

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I find the cut matters.

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Like I, I like steak fries.

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The, they're a little wider.

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I like the traditional, the traditional shaped, uh, fries.

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And McDonald's are not bad either.

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Yeah, it's all the MSG.

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They sprinkle over everything, pretty sure that we all love from McDonald's, I like the surface area of the steak fries for dipping.

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'cause the fries are just a, a medium to bring the ketchup to the mouth.

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Yes.

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, what purchase of a hundred dollars or had the biggest impact on your life?

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I bought a, um, A-A-L-E-D nightlight that's triggered by motion.

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So when I get up in the middle of the night, let's say, um, to go to the bathroom, the.

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It detects my motion, it turns the light on so I'm not walking in a dark room where I might bump my shin against something.

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And, um, it's worked perfectly.

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I have it in a perfect position where, you know, as soon as I move to get out of bed it goes on and I can see where I'm going.

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It's a small thing but it's actually made a huge difference.

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I have enough scars on my shin to agree with that statement.

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My bed has some nasty corners.

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I got drawers under it.

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And yeah, the it's got some nasty corners.

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I get that entirely.

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What hidden talent do you have?

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Um, I can teach people how to enjoy exercising if they hate it.

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Wow.

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Okay.

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That is a talent.

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And I've done it.

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I I've created programs where I've actually invited people to come.

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And the, the, the promise is, you know, if you hate exercising, um, I can show you, uh, how to turn that around completely.

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So where you actually love exercising and are looking forward to do it every day.

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I say we need that program nationwide.

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I know it's something, it's one of those life mastery things I'm sitting on because I'm so busy doing other things.

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I don't have time to really develop that.

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Um, uh, but one of these days, you know, I'm going to release that so that people will have that technology available, which again is in the health and wellness field.

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That would be a great, there's so many people that aren't exercising because they hate it.

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Nobody's teaching them how to love it.

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You know, they may, they may say, do it and you'll love it, but that doesn't really work for most people.

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Um, every once in a while, somebody will have a breakthrough on their own, but I mean, there is a specific way to go about it that, um, that I use for myself because I hated exercising when I was younger.

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Um, I became, I went to Duke university and played lacrosse at Duke and I became a goalie.

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Primarily because I hated all the running that you had to do if you played, you know, midfield.

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I was small So I was either for me it was either midfield or attack Um, but then I I had an opportunity to play backup goalie Um my senior my junior year and I said, oh man Just to stand there and i'm i'm willing to let you throw a hard ball at me 100 miles an hour Just so I don't have to do all the running around on the field and all the training to get in shape and all That stuff i've done a lot of work as a trainer Teaching, teaching my clients to actually enjoy what they're doing is like, that's a next level behavior modification right there.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And I, I can convince them that it's worth doing.

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I can't always, I, I love work.

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I love lifting heavy weights.

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I love working out, but I've been called masochistic in that sense.

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And sadistic by a few of my clients, convincing someone else to actually enjoy it the way I do that.

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Well, it's not, you can't convince them.

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You have to, for me, like, for example, I, it wasn't until I realized how I was making running in particular, how I was making it a horrible experience, which I didn't, I thought it was running.

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That was the problem.

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I thought it was just.

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inherently awful and painful.

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But I, and then I discovered, Oh, wait a second.

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It, uh, could I be playing a role in this?

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Could I be causing the discomfort that I'm experiencing?

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And then I started looking from that perspective and lo and behold, I found all these unconscious ways that I would approach running and think about running and beliefs I had about running that were all false.

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Yeah.

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Talk about being, you know, Fallible.

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I discovered how fallible I was my ideas about running and then one by one as I identified these things that were making running an awful experience I could I could do something about him I could undo the spell that those internal beliefs or internal thoughts or behavior patterns, uh, was producing on my physical experience running and I would dismantle them one by one.

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And then all of a sudden this runner came out, this person that I didn't even know was in there, that actually in me that actually loved running and could do it effortlessly and painlessly, you know, not, it didn't happen overnight, but I eventually discovered that that was a reality about me that I didn't even know, you know, was possible.

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Same thing with the same thing with anger, by the way.

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I mean, I didn't, Back when I was angry, I didn't have any belief at all that I would ever be anything other than an angry guy.

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And if you'd have come up to me and said, Hey, you know, there's this thing that can make you turn you into a non angry person.

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I said, it's not for me.

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It's not going to happen for me.

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I know me.

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I've tried everything.

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I've tried all this stuff and it doesn't work.

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So I'm just going to be this way.

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And then all of a sudden you get to the other side and you go like, wow, I didn't know that was really possible.

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You know?

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So new plan to build your, your life knowledge center, you need to franchise work, work out this whole teaching people to love exercise, sell that at a reasonable rate, sub license as a certification for trainers, work with their clients and just let that pay for your Center.

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Great idea.

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All right.

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If more people enjoyed exercising, we would have less obesity and thing else going on.

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Better health, all kinds of better sleep, all kinds of stuff.

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Yeah.

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Orange juice, pulp, some pulp, no pulp.

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I, I can't drink orange juice.

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No.

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It gives me heartburn.

00:15:49.759 --> 00:15:51.318
Oh, my sister.

00:15:51.318 --> 00:15:53.009
I can't eat, I can't eat chocolate either.

00:15:53.068 --> 00:15:54.269
I used to be a big chocoholic.

00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:59.349
I would have a Clark bar, at least one Clark bar every day until I was like in my mid twenties.

00:15:59.879 --> 00:16:04.339
Um, and then all of a sudden I would get heartburn if I had chocolate or a citrus or anything acidic.

00:16:04.929 --> 00:16:06.179
Like I can't drink a Coke.

00:16:06.198 --> 00:16:09.450
I can't drink a Coke because it has a lot, but I can die.

00:16:09.450 --> 00:16:09.710
Coke.

00:16:09.710 --> 00:16:13.369
I can drink because it doesn't have as much acid, anything with acid or citrus.

00:16:14.120 --> 00:16:16.490
Or chocolate stimulates acid in the stomach.

00:16:16.580 --> 00:16:25.328
Any of those things give me instant heartburn and I haven't, I haven't been able to take advantage of those, but my sister has to pour like half and half.

00:16:25.339 --> 00:16:28.019
She'll pour some orange juice and then half of it full of water.

00:16:28.318 --> 00:16:28.589
Yeah.

00:16:28.659 --> 00:16:29.469
So watered down.

00:16:29.740 --> 00:16:31.778
It's the only way she can even attempt orange juice.

00:16:31.918 --> 00:16:35.769
But when I did, when I was able to drink orange juice before this all happened, I liked the pulpy.

00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:36.923
I liked that.

00:16:37.504 --> 00:16:40.554
Have the particles in there Dr.

00:16:40.554 --> 00:16:59.933
Moore, what's something everyone should know about you before we dig into the meat of today's show something who should know about me Everybody should know about you that's listening before we dig into the meat of today's show um, I think the the big thing as I sort of sort of mentioned in the beginning, um, I was Not a special kid when I grew up.

00:16:59.933 --> 00:17:01.793
I was not especially intelligent.

00:17:01.953 --> 00:17:08.973
My grades were average for a long while and Like I say, I absolutely had no desire to be a doctor.

00:17:09.193 --> 00:17:11.534
I was absolutely opposed to the idea.

00:17:11.534 --> 00:17:12.723
I hated everything about it.

00:17:13.244 --> 00:17:24.644
Um, didn't like sick people, didn't like going to the doctor, didn't like needles, didn't like hospitals, didn't like old people, didn't like reading, any of the things that I thought doctors needed to do.

00:17:24.644 --> 00:17:39.910
So I had to, I mean, I was really, uh, hell bent on not becoming, although my parents wanted me to become a doctor, so they were, you know, pushing me, but I kept resisting and, and, um, it was kind of like amazing that I ended up in the field because I had so much resistance to it.

00:17:39.980 --> 00:17:42.910
And, and part of it has to do with your theme, fallibility.

00:17:42.910 --> 00:17:51.204
And there was, there was something that happened, um, in a 15 minute conversation that changed my whole life and put me on a path to become a physician.

00:17:51.204 --> 00:17:52.829
And, and, and, and, and, And then I fell in love with it.

00:17:52.990 --> 00:17:58.190
And so, so I'm, you know, it's like I could have never predicted that would have happened.

00:17:58.210 --> 00:18:00.710
And it's been, I'm very happy that it did.

00:18:00.710 --> 00:18:03.220
And I wouldn't, I wouldn't go back and do it any differently.

00:18:03.259 --> 00:18:05.190
Um, it's been a great career.

00:18:05.190 --> 00:18:06.128
It's been a great life.

00:18:06.659 --> 00:18:13.039
Um, so yeah, so that's, it's funny how somebody, you know, a stranger, this was a stranger and I had a conversation with a stranger.

00:18:13.430 --> 00:18:16.430
And in 15 minutes, he convinced me to go to medical school.

00:18:18.109 --> 00:18:23.729
It's ironically, sometimes words from a stranger are more powerful than the people around you.

00:18:23.960 --> 00:18:24.369
Yeah.

00:18:24.460 --> 00:18:24.789
Yeah.

00:18:25.400 --> 00:18:28.849
And he made an argument that I couldn't disagree with.

00:18:28.888 --> 00:18:31.598
And, um, I said, what the hell, what do I have to lose and give it a try?

00:18:31.598 --> 00:18:32.130
If I don't like it.

00:18:32.753 --> 00:18:36.214
You know, I do something else, but I took his advice.

00:18:36.214 --> 00:18:44.424
I gave it a try and lo and behold, it's like this whole, you know, this whole set of skills and talents and desires and interests blossomed within me.

00:18:44.424 --> 00:18:48.374
Then I, again, I didn't know that, that I wasn't in touch with.

00:18:48.374 --> 00:18:49.403
I didn't know it was part of me.

00:18:51.453 --> 00:18:51.773
Guys.

00:18:51.773 --> 00:18:52.844
We've been getting to know Dr.

00:18:52.844 --> 00:18:55.923
Mort just a little bit to see who he is and what makes him tick.

00:18:56.354 --> 00:18:58.234
And the next part of the show, we're going to dive into anger.

00:18:58.674 --> 00:19:10.880
He's dedicated a significant portion of his life and career to Understanding anger, what makes us angry, how it actually happens and how we can manage it in our own life without having anger management.

00:19:11.519 --> 00:19:13.669
We're going to roll our sponsor and be right back with more from Dr.

00:19:13.670 --> 00:19:14.250
Mort Orman.

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Now, you can't be your best without a good night's sleep.

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And my pillow delivers guys walking back in the first part of the show.

00:20:43.940 --> 00:20:45.359
We spent some time just getting to know who Dr.

00:20:45.359 --> 00:20:45.799
Moore it is.

00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:51.038
And this part of the show, we're talking about anger and as men, a lot of us are familiar with this at some level.

00:20:51.809 --> 00:21:01.179
If you are saying you're not, you're probably lying to yourself because anger doesn't always look like, you know, some guy blowing up like a freak on a movie.

00:21:02.148 --> 00:21:04.400
Now, Dr.

00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:14.809
Morton, you got into medicine much, much to your dismay originally, uh, based on our previous conversation, you, this was not where you were going.

00:21:14.819 --> 00:21:16.148
So I understand that.

00:21:16.959 --> 00:21:21.638
And then you became fascinated in reducing or eliminating anger.

00:21:22.388 --> 00:21:29.039
In that, what, what took you from standard medicine to being so fixated on dealing with anger?

00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:41.608
Well, remember, uh, remember I said, uh, in the first segment that I had a lot of anger in my twenties and my thirties, as I went through, um, college started pretty much in college and then medical school and medical training.

00:21:41.609 --> 00:21:42.930
And then my first few years of practice.

00:21:43.420 --> 00:21:44.289
I had a lot of anger.

00:21:44.289 --> 00:21:45.660
I had a lot of anxiety.

00:21:45.690 --> 00:21:51.450
Um, all of my relationships failed, you know, largely due to, you know, wasn't really able to control my anger issues.

00:21:51.450 --> 00:21:54.390
And, you know, I was having all this personal struggles.

00:21:54.390 --> 00:22:04.045
Professionally, I was doing very well and being successful, but inside I just felt all, you know, not really happy and in control of my emotions.

00:22:04.045 --> 00:22:05.773
And, and so it bothered me.

00:22:05.773 --> 00:22:11.253
I tried all the standard anger management stuff and stress management stuff and didn't really help that much.

00:22:11.253 --> 00:22:20.844
So, so I'm sitting there struggling with my own issues and I would get angry at my patients sometimes when they wouldn't follow my advice or they did stupid things and made bad decisions.

00:22:20.854 --> 00:22:29.709
And, you know, it's like, um, so, but, but, you know, as a, one of, as a doctor, You know, we, we're taking care of patients over time.

00:22:29.709 --> 00:22:34.048
So it's, we, we can see the angry people from the not so angry people.

00:22:34.048 --> 00:22:35.359
It kind of sticks out.

00:22:36.038 --> 00:22:41.069
And then we see what happens over time, which a lot of people, when they go to work, that's not their perspective.

00:22:42.368 --> 00:22:49.720
But when a doctor goes to work, we see, you know, we can clearly see a group of people that are much more angry than the rest of our patients.

00:22:50.039 --> 00:22:52.439
And we see what happens to them over time.

00:22:52.730 --> 00:22:54.160
And we see what happens to everybody over time.

00:22:54.480 --> 00:23:06.950
But, you know, we, we quickly see a pattern where, you know, the angry people get more heart attacks, they get more strokes, they get other illnesses, they get addicted to alcohol and other drugs more easily.

00:23:07.299 --> 00:23:18.559
They come in and tell you that they, you know, their wife just asked for a divorce, or their spouse just asked for a divorce, uh, or they're estranged from their kids, or they lost their job because they had a blow up or something, or they got in a fight.

00:23:19.344 --> 00:23:34.734
You know, with somebody on the street who said the wrong thing or a road rage or whatever, you got all this stuff that anger, you know, negatively produces in our life and, um, and, and you see that and then you're sitting there like, well, I've got anger too.

00:23:35.903 --> 00:23:44.255
If I don't figure this out pretty soon, because I was young then younger than most of my patients, but if I don't figure it out pretty soon, I might end up, you know, in the same boat that they're in.

00:23:44.255 --> 00:23:45.375
So that was the impetus.

00:23:46.074 --> 00:23:53.234
That got me into personal development work, which a lot of busy doctors and other busy people don't think they have the time to do.

00:23:53.234 --> 00:23:57.015
But for me, it was a priority cause I was suffering so much with my own anger.

00:23:57.055 --> 00:24:02.693
Um, and plus it was frustrating, you know, as a, as a person who was used to succeeding at things.

00:24:03.095 --> 00:24:05.714
Like in sports, I was always successful in academia.

00:24:05.714 --> 00:24:07.105
I was successful in medicine.

00:24:07.105 --> 00:24:08.954
I was successful in almost everything.

00:24:08.954 --> 00:24:15.394
I, any problem I ran into that I put my mind to, I could solve, but I could not solve this anger mystery.

00:24:15.414 --> 00:24:16.904
I just couldn't do anything about it.

00:24:17.013 --> 00:24:17.305
You know?

00:24:17.855 --> 00:24:21.344
Um, I took up tennis in my late, uh, twenties.

00:24:21.423 --> 00:24:23.364
I don't know if you ever saw John McEnroe play.

00:24:24.213 --> 00:24:31.174
Yeah, that was like, that was, Not, not tennis wise, but anger wise, I could hold my own with John McEnroe on a tennis court.

00:24:31.174 --> 00:24:31.934
Oh, wow.

00:24:32.154 --> 00:24:37.604
I could yell, I would yell and scream at myself and thrash my racket and annoy the hell out of the people, you know, playing next to me.

00:24:38.075 --> 00:24:40.864
Um, so, and I, and it wasn't just on the tennis court.

00:24:40.865 --> 00:24:42.564
I couldn't control it in my life.

00:24:43.125 --> 00:24:48.454
And it was very demoralizing because every time I would get lose control, I felt like, you know, I was failing.

00:24:48.464 --> 00:24:52.159
I felt like I, you know, You know, I wasn't in control of myself, which is not a good feeling.

00:24:52.589 --> 00:24:56.190
So I had all this stuff that was driving me towards figuring this all out.

00:24:56.670 --> 00:24:58.869
And I did personal development work for a couple of years.

00:24:58.869 --> 00:25:02.269
I cobbled together stuff from different disciplines and different programs.

00:25:02.588 --> 00:25:09.759
And eventually, to my surprise, I, I came up with a, a, an understanding, a system for understanding anger and dealing with it.

00:25:10.410 --> 00:25:16.029
For the first time in my life, gave me the power, actually didn't give me the power, it enabled me.

00:25:16.434 --> 00:25:44.315
To access the power I already had, but I didn't know I had, um, to approach anger in a way that I could actually get control over it for the first time, because I understood finally how I was generating it, where it was coming from within me, because we all, we all know where it's coming from outside of us, we all know the, what the politicians are doing, what the other people are doing, people lie to us, they steal from us, they do horrible things, we see that and we feel the anger, but we don't really understand the mechanism.

00:25:44.315 --> 00:25:44.375
So.

00:25:45.128 --> 00:25:46.398
That's going on inside.

00:25:46.409 --> 00:25:48.049
That's actually generating the emotion.

00:25:48.049 --> 00:25:51.500
It's not really coming directly from the outside things.

00:25:51.539 --> 00:25:56.559
It's coming from the internal processes that get triggered that are invisible.

00:25:57.269 --> 00:25:58.648
You can't feel them.

00:25:58.648 --> 00:25:59.528
You can't see them.

00:25:59.528 --> 00:26:00.490
You can't taste them.

00:26:00.568 --> 00:26:05.749
You can't sense them, but they're in there actively producing those angry feelings.

00:26:05.979 --> 00:26:12.088
And until you know, it's like you're missing, uh, critical puzzle pieces to the, to the whole process.

00:26:12.358 --> 00:26:15.449
And then you're trying to figure out, well, what do I do about this, this process?

00:26:15.994 --> 00:26:19.194
You can't do a lot if you don't, if you're missing the most important pieces.

00:26:19.544 --> 00:26:21.404
That's basically what I discovered.

00:26:22.625 --> 00:26:24.744
Now for all of you under the age of 35.

00:26:25.654 --> 00:26:30.255
If you are not familiar with John McEnroe, go look up some of these old YouTube videos.

00:26:31.605 --> 00:26:33.545
You know, he's still playing, he's playing pickleball.

00:26:33.575 --> 00:26:36.305
Now you can, you can see him on a Instagram pickleball.

00:26:36.443 --> 00:26:37.474
He hasn't changed a bit.

00:26:37.474 --> 00:26:41.884
He's still just as volatile, just as, just as fiery and angry as he was.

00:26:42.213 --> 00:26:47.454
As a teenager issues, he hasn't evolved.

00:26:47.474 --> 00:26:48.694
He hasn't evolved all that much.

00:26:49.404 --> 00:26:53.815
And if you don't enjoy watching tennis, go look up, uh, Mr.

00:26:53.815 --> 00:26:54.345
Deeds.

00:26:55.189 --> 00:26:57.189
With Adam Sandler, great, funny movie.

00:26:57.189 --> 00:27:07.269
John McEnroe, uh, makes a cameo in that and it's in it for a few minutes and they act like a bunch of jackasses together is humorous, but you can see his anger really flaring that one too.

00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:10.349
So I gotta, I gotta reach out.

00:27:10.529 --> 00:27:17.179
We've got some listeners who are not old enough to remember John McEnroe, uh, when he was crushing the tennis scene.

00:27:18.769 --> 00:27:19.628
Is it true?

00:27:19.628 --> 00:27:21.869
I saw this post the other day on your Facebook.

00:27:22.250 --> 00:27:24.759
Is it true that you created National Stress Awareness Month?

00:27:25.058 --> 00:27:25.679
I did.

00:27:26.068 --> 00:27:26.558
I did.

00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:35.779
I created it in 1992 and I just said to myself, you know, we should have a month, you know, that's devoted to raising awareness about stress.

00:27:36.148 --> 00:27:40.409
And it wasn't, it wasn't anything that I personally tried to control.

00:27:40.858 --> 00:27:48.729
I opened it up as a window for people, anybody in the stress field, anybody in the health professions, anybody working around the area of stress.

00:27:49.334 --> 00:28:00.844
You got a 30 day window every April to celebrate whatever information you want to put out there and help people understand stress better, deal with stress better, clear up myths and misconceptions.

00:28:01.494 --> 00:28:06.013
And I've been sponsoring it every year for the last 30, 32 years, whatever, 33 years, whatever it is.

00:28:06.644 --> 00:28:08.924
And some years I contribute stuff, some years I don't.

00:28:08.954 --> 00:28:21.474
So, um, uh, but mainly it's, it's, it's just something I created so that other people in the field could, um, promote whatever their particular expertise is or their particular insights are.

00:28:21.963 --> 00:28:26.484
And so more of that gets out into the public space where people can take advantage of it.

00:28:26.564 --> 00:28:29.815
So yes, that was me guilty.

00:28:30.625 --> 00:28:33.634
You guys need to check out his Facebook post about that for this month.

00:28:34.144 --> 00:28:35.295
Cause it was hilarious.

00:28:36.545 --> 00:28:49.154
You know, it's funny last year, Jennifer Lopez did a, uh, posted a picture of herself, semi nude, um, to promote national stress awareness was really funny.

00:28:49.434 --> 00:28:54.714
Interesting way to deal with stress, but I, yeah, I, I came across that post.

00:28:54.714 --> 00:28:56.325
You hadn't responding to that.

00:28:56.335 --> 00:29:02.434
It was like, I was just trying to figure out how that connected to.

00:29:03.605 --> 00:29:18.775
And a couple of years before that, a couple of years before that, Ellen DeGeneres did a, um, a little five minute bit on one of her TV shows where she kind of made fun of poke fun of it, but she used stress awareness month as the opportunity to do her little fun bit on stress and it was, it was like a Saturday night live skit.

00:29:18.775 --> 00:29:19.414
It was pretty funny.

00:29:21.664 --> 00:29:22.025
Now.

00:29:22.349 --> 00:29:25.799
A lot of guys, it's funny because you get two extremes.

00:29:25.799 --> 00:29:27.119
You get the guy who's like, I'm never mad.

00:29:27.179 --> 00:29:28.128
I'm never angry.

00:29:28.699 --> 00:29:33.099
And then you get the guy, right?

00:29:33.729 --> 00:29:35.650
Uh, I love this picture.

00:29:35.650 --> 00:29:36.799
This always cracks me up.

00:29:37.289 --> 00:29:38.019
We'll play this a little bit.

00:29:38.619 --> 00:29:40.219
That's my seat.

00:29:43.769 --> 00:29:44.409
I'm always angry.

00:29:46.878 --> 00:29:49.019
See, we always have those two responses.

00:29:49.038 --> 00:29:51.209
We have those guys who are perpetually angry.

00:29:51.209 --> 00:29:53.419
And then the guys who are convinced they're never angry.

00:29:55.529 --> 00:29:57.579
I think we all get, we all get angry.

00:29:58.440 --> 00:30:04.539
From time to time, even now for me, I mean, every once in a while now, I used to be able all the time, but now it's very infrequent.

00:30:04.539 --> 00:30:06.519
But still, there are things that tweak us.

00:30:06.519 --> 00:30:07.759
There are things that trigger us.

00:30:08.088 --> 00:30:10.439
And a lot of times people, you'll have a picture.

00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:12.650
If you ask somebody, are you an angry person?

00:30:12.650 --> 00:30:14.269
Or do you have an anger issue or anger issues?

00:30:14.650 --> 00:30:19.159
And they'll have a picture in their mind of what that would look like if the answer was yes.

00:30:19.459 --> 00:30:25.009
And like you say, it might be somebody punching holes in walls or, you know, um, doing violent things.

00:30:25.220 --> 00:30:30.200
Stuff for, you know, blowing up extreme anger and, and they see, well, I don't do that.

00:30:30.795 --> 00:30:32.055
So therefore I don't have any anger.

00:30:32.055 --> 00:30:35.025
But if you ask them, you know, do you get annoyed every once in a while?

00:30:35.025 --> 00:30:38.994
You get irritated, you know, when things aren't going the way you want them to go.

00:30:38.994 --> 00:30:43.335
And, and that's all, those are all little, little, you know, hits of anger.

00:30:43.805 --> 00:30:55.634
Um, that can, that can add up, you know, a lot of relationships end up failing because there are these little irritations that people don't address and they just stuff them and they sit on them and they become resentments.

00:30:56.065 --> 00:30:59.494
And then after a couple of years of that, then one of the parties says, I want a divorce.

00:30:59.759 --> 00:31:01.599
You know, I can't be around you anymore.

00:31:01.960 --> 00:31:03.569
So these are not harmless.

00:31:03.569 --> 00:31:11.558
The little, the little types of anger can be just sometimes as damaging as the more overt Hulk type expressions of anger.

00:31:11.558 --> 00:31:20.173
It's all, it's what's going on internally when we get triggered and different people feel anger to different degrees and have it in the intensity varies by person and.

00:31:22.855 --> 00:31:28.325
So there's a lot of variability in it, but we all have to struggle with it from time to time and almost universally.

00:31:28.325 --> 00:31:29.954
We all misunderstand where it comes from.

00:31:30.984 --> 00:31:34.183
So almost everybody totally different flavors of anger, right?

00:31:34.494 --> 00:31:40.203
You got that explosive anger, like the Hulk, and then you get the guys who just get quiet and kind of do.

00:31:41.644 --> 00:31:45.484
And then we, my, my favorite, I have a friend who wrote, rage is really bad.

00:31:46.714 --> 00:31:47.164
He wrote, right.

00:31:47.164 --> 00:31:48.065
What you wrote?

00:31:48.065 --> 00:31:49.295
Rage is really bad, man.

00:31:50.404 --> 00:31:52.025
He's flipping the bird and yelling.

00:31:52.325 --> 00:31:56.244
I'm like, I'm sitting in his passenger seat going, you, you understand they can't hear you, right?

00:31:57.354 --> 00:31:59.674
This is helping nobody, including yourself right now.

00:31:59.674 --> 00:32:00.703
Yeah.

00:32:02.085 --> 00:32:02.325
It is.

00:32:02.595 --> 00:32:10.444
When you look at it from that 30, 000 foot view, it looks kind of silly, but in, but, but what's happening is something's being triggered inside that they're not aware of that's driving it.

00:32:11.115 --> 00:32:14.325
And, and it's the same thing for whether it's a little anger or big anger.

00:32:14.365 --> 00:32:18.585
It's coming from the same, uh, mechanism that we don't get taught.

00:32:19.255 --> 00:32:24.285
You know, I went through all my education, good education, college, seven years of medical training.

00:32:24.733 --> 00:32:28.424
Um, I even did some psychology training after medical school.

00:32:28.825 --> 00:32:30.888
Not in none of that did I get.

00:32:32.029 --> 00:32:35.289
Come to the understanding that I eventually came to about where my anger is coming from.

00:32:35.299 --> 00:32:37.549
It's not being taught in schools today.

00:32:37.549 --> 00:32:39.170
It's not being taught in colleges today.

00:32:39.170 --> 00:32:52.299
I mean, can you imagine that every kid graduating college today graduates without understanding where their emotions come from inside of them, without understanding how they're going to screw up their relationships?

00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:58.180
You know, what kind of patterns they have inside them that are going to ruin their relationships, even the ones they really want to succeed at.

00:32:58.569 --> 00:33:03.929
We, we don't have basic life mastery skills that get transmitted to us in our formal education.

00:33:04.410 --> 00:33:17.210
If you're lucky enough to get them, seek them and get them on your own or listen to podcasts or, or, or Ted talks or whatever, wherever you get your, you know, your supplemental education, uh, that's where we learn a lot of really good.

00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:28.278
Uh, principles about how to be successful in life, be happy in life, develop skills that are kind of, seem kind of rare, but everybody has the ability to develop them.

00:33:29.210 --> 00:33:34.778
And you said as a doctor, you've seen having anger in your life actually degrade your health overall.

00:33:35.410 --> 00:33:35.970
Yeah.

00:33:36.150 --> 00:33:36.558
Big time.

00:33:36.640 --> 00:33:46.138
All these guys go into the gym and just hitting the weights or taking care of themselves that are dealing with anger are fighting uphill battle anyway.

00:33:46.740 --> 00:33:48.368
Well, they're dealing with it on that down there.

00:33:48.369 --> 00:33:53.519
They're dealing with it on the, after the anger side, you know, once the anger is generated, then what do you do?

00:33:54.049 --> 00:33:56.229
How do you keep that from being harmful to you?

00:33:56.240 --> 00:34:02.799
Well, then you go run, run five miles, punch a punching bag, exercise, you know, hit a pillow.

00:34:03.190 --> 00:34:07.009
You know, do, do whatever, you know, go out in the backyard yelling, scream, whatever you do.

00:34:07.430 --> 00:34:07.859
Okay.

00:34:07.900 --> 00:34:09.599
Now the anger is already built up.

00:34:10.570 --> 00:34:11.449
Now, what do you do with it?

00:34:11.789 --> 00:34:23.820
I like to work on the front side, which is how about if we don't build up the anger in the first place, you know, how about if we understand what that process is that causes it to build up and you can, you can go in and turn the valve off.

00:34:24.050 --> 00:34:24.389
Okay.

00:34:24.389 --> 00:34:27.190
Or turn the valves off that are creating the anger.

00:34:27.190 --> 00:34:28.130
Then you don't have to worry about it.

00:34:28.349 --> 00:34:29.539
What do I do with all this anger?

00:34:29.539 --> 00:34:30.880
I now have because you wouldn't have it.

00:34:31.335 --> 00:34:33.204
You know, you don't have to manage anything.

00:34:33.204 --> 00:34:34.474
You don't have to release anything.

00:34:34.485 --> 00:34:38.764
You don't have to watch your P's and Q's about how you express your anger.

00:34:38.784 --> 00:34:42.644
So you don't, you know, tweak somebody because you're just not angry.

00:34:43.224 --> 00:34:52.094
You're not even have to, you don't have to communicate your anger because you see the situation differently now and, and, and seeing it differently, you realize, oh, that was nothing to get angry about.

00:34:53.175 --> 00:34:55.965
Um, which you can do in that road rage situation.

00:34:55.965 --> 00:34:59.983
If the person was, was willing, they could look at their automatic.

00:35:00.724 --> 00:35:01.644
Oh, this is horrible.

00:35:01.644 --> 00:35:02.175
They're doing that.

00:35:02.204 --> 00:35:03.085
They're a bad person.

00:35:03.085 --> 00:35:03.985
They're a bad driver.

00:35:03.985 --> 00:35:09.074
They're ruining my life They could take all that stuff that's churning inside of them and they go wait a second.

00:35:09.074 --> 00:35:22.594
That's all caca, you know That's that's that's not true uh, you know the It might be an 80 year old guy in front of me You know or a woman in front of me who's driving slowly or they might just gotten bad news or who knows what?

00:35:22.614 --> 00:35:32.610
You know so you can You can change your perspective on why the thing's happening and go like, Oh, well, okay, it's nothing to be angry about with 40 years of knowledge in this field.

00:35:32.679 --> 00:35:34.369
What do most of us get wrong about it?

00:35:34.579 --> 00:35:35.610
About anger issues?

00:35:36.849 --> 00:35:39.838
Well, I think it's the cause effect ideas that we have about it.

00:35:39.840 --> 00:35:48.679
So we have this simplistic model that our culture and everything has reinforced where it looks like it's a direct cause effect.

00:35:49.235 --> 00:36:06.014
You know, something happens, somebody drives slow, somebody cuts us off, somebody lies to us, steals from us, betrays us, does something, um, and then we feel the anger, okay?

00:36:06.014 --> 00:36:09.074
And it looks like it's a direct one two cause effect.

00:36:09.563 --> 00:36:09.994
Simple.

00:36:11.650 --> 00:36:13.489
The problem is it's incorrect.

00:36:13.570 --> 00:36:14.610
It's an incorrect model.

00:36:15.590 --> 00:36:20.039
There's actually four steps involved in the process there.

00:36:20.090 --> 00:36:26.519
Yes, there is the thing that we see, you know, the person driving slow, the person doing something, whatever.

00:36:26.530 --> 00:36:29.679
Um, we see that and then we get.

00:36:30.039 --> 00:36:33.539
The anger, which is like the end product, which is the fourth step.

00:36:34.099 --> 00:36:39.360
But then there's two steps in the middle that we don't notice that are happening inside us.

00:36:40.739 --> 00:36:42.340
So we don't know that they're there.

00:36:43.480 --> 00:36:48.099
And so we're missing like two of the four, two of the three big puzzle pieces.

00:36:48.550 --> 00:36:51.519
That's causing the fourth part of the process, which is the anger.

00:36:52.940 --> 00:37:02.610
So that, so, so we're trying to, we wish we could do something about our anger and we're trying to do it, but we only had, we're missing half the puzzle pieces that we really need or more than half.

00:37:03.150 --> 00:37:14.050
And it wasn't until I figured out what those missing puzzle pieces inside me were, once I figured that out, then I could now step in and now I could take control of my anger, which I couldn't do before because I had no awareness.

00:37:15.719 --> 00:37:16.559
Of what was going on.

00:37:17.690 --> 00:37:24.409
How have we come so far in this world and, and missed half this equation this long?

00:37:25.190 --> 00:37:27.519
Because it's like everything else in the world today.

00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:37.929
It's just, people are just spewing disinformation all over the place, telling you that it's the truth, you know, and, and they're not really getting down to bare bones and what's really real and what's really true.

00:37:38.309 --> 00:37:47.559
And all of us have been hypnotized and seduced into accepting non truths It's just like what we do, what we become accustomed to.

00:37:48.704 --> 00:37:58.344
And it gets reinforced every day in, in every institution, every input, uh, including academics and schools and the media and everything.

00:37:58.405 --> 00:38:01.693
It just constantly, it's a constant barrage.

00:38:02.300 --> 00:38:05.730
of untruths being sold to us as truths.

00:38:07.599 --> 00:38:09.659
And by the way, we do that ourselves.

00:38:09.719 --> 00:38:11.219
We do that internally.

00:38:12.489 --> 00:38:12.900
Okay.

00:38:13.590 --> 00:38:25.099
Um, I, one of my, one of my sayings that I like to repeat is that our brains on a daily basis produce more fake news than all the media outlets in the world.

00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:26.018
And we don't know it.

00:38:26.298 --> 00:38:27.188
We think it's truth.

00:38:27.378 --> 00:38:28.128
We think we're.

00:38:28.425 --> 00:38:36.914
Seeing things truthfully, thinking things truthfully, and a lot of it is fake news or partial truths, missing a lot of detail, missing a lot of pieces.

00:38:38.304 --> 00:38:57.175
So talk about fallibility, we are, we are fallible most of the time thinking we're not, and that's really where anger comes from, to tell you the truth, which is a very unpopular, unfamiliar thing for people to hear.

00:38:57.525 --> 00:39:01.275
But a lot of times when we're angry, we're actually wrong about something, and we don't know it.

00:39:01.284 --> 00:39:06.914
We think we're right, and then the anger makes us feel that we're right, and justified, and righteous.

00:39:07.184 --> 00:39:19.574
But really, if you looked at the filters, if you looked at the way we're looking at the world that's causing our anger, like for example, the guy, the road rage friend of yours, the way he's looking at the world is incorrect.

00:39:20.655 --> 00:39:21.284
He doesn't know it.

00:39:22.795 --> 00:39:23.855
He believes it's true.

00:39:24.605 --> 00:39:25.804
That's where his anger is coming from.

00:39:26.594 --> 00:39:33.775
That he's got an incorrect view of the world and other people, and drivers, and traffic, and how the world should be.

00:39:34.025 --> 00:39:39.344
Okay, um, and he thinks he's right on the money.

00:39:39.855 --> 00:39:45.014
Okay, and then if he's correct, if he were correct, then anger would be a reasonable response.

00:39:45.369 --> 00:40:05.820
But he's just sitting there looking out on the world, seeing things falsely, getting all worked up inside, not realizing that he is producing his anger through falsehoods that he's, that he's bought into, and is unwilling to look at and, And debate himself on and discover that he's fallible.

00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:07.650
He made a mistake.

00:40:08.650 --> 00:40:09.730
It was, but it wasn't him.

00:40:09.730 --> 00:40:17.280
It is his brain and his body have been conditioned to see things incorrectly and to react automatically in knee jerk fashion.

00:40:17.579 --> 00:40:18.690
And a lot of times it's wrong.

00:40:19.125 --> 00:40:23.014
You know, we know, you know, when you jump to a conclusion, it often turns out to be wrong.

00:40:23.025 --> 00:40:26.505
And you discover you made a false, you made a false assumption.

00:40:26.554 --> 00:40:28.795
You know, well, that's how anger gets created all the time.

00:40:29.364 --> 00:40:34.873
Uh, we're, we're, we're take internal, uh, perceptions that look true or actually in some ways false.

00:40:35.525 --> 00:40:40.045
And we have big blind spots where we're not seeing the whole picture and we think we've got the whole picture.

00:40:41.280 --> 00:40:42.719
So, you know, it's funny.

00:40:42.719 --> 00:40:43.380
I tell a story.

00:40:43.429 --> 00:40:49.480
I tell a story to how anger gets created in the brain and I call it the three hot dog, um, secret.

00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:56.289
So it's like you go to a hot dog vendor on the street and you say, I want three hot dogs and you tell them the condiments you want.

00:40:56.300 --> 00:41:03.070
So they pull the dogs out of the bin and put them in the buns and put the condiments on and then the vendor puts the dogs, three dogs in a machine.

00:41:04.050 --> 00:41:06.539
And machine does its thing and you can't see what it's doing.

00:41:06.539 --> 00:41:10.280
And then it spits the hot dogs out the other end, the back end of the machine.

00:41:10.289 --> 00:41:13.048
The vendor goes around, gets the hot dogs, puts them in a bag.

00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:16.389
You pay, hands the bag to you.

00:41:16.389 --> 00:41:16.969
You go off.

00:41:17.018 --> 00:41:17.688
It's a nice day.

00:41:17.688 --> 00:41:21.530
You find a park bench, you sit down, you open up the bag to enjoy your hot dogs.

00:41:21.530 --> 00:41:25.179
And lo and behold, you look in the bag, you've got three half hot dogs.

00:41:27.155 --> 00:41:38.644
The machine, the machine has cut the hot, unbeknownst to you, the machine cut the hot dogs in half, disposed of one half and pushed the remaining three halves out the back end, which is what the vendor handed to you.

00:41:38.925 --> 00:41:41.125
So you think you've got three whole hot dogs in the bag.

00:41:41.135 --> 00:41:43.804
When you look in, the reality is you got three half hot dogs.

00:41:44.864 --> 00:41:46.474
That's how our brain creates anger.

00:41:48.233 --> 00:41:50.195
There's three filters that we look through.

00:41:50.934 --> 00:41:55.105
The way we see the world, and we think we've got whole truths.

00:41:55.574 --> 00:41:56.764
We got whole hot dogs.

00:41:58.554 --> 00:42:00.195
But we only have half hot dogs.

00:42:00.864 --> 00:42:02.144
And we don't know, we don't see it.

00:42:02.614 --> 00:42:04.364
We think they're whole hot dogs, but they're only half.

00:42:04.724 --> 00:42:06.744
We're missing half of the, uh, half of reality.

00:42:06.815 --> 00:42:08.054
Or pieces of reality.

00:42:08.313 --> 00:42:10.873
It's not always half, but pieces of reality we're missing.

00:42:11.215 --> 00:42:13.074
Blind spots, things that are missing.

00:42:13.673 --> 00:42:16.085
Um, and we think we got the whole picture.

00:42:16.675 --> 00:42:20.434
And based on falsely assuming we have the whole picture, then we get the emotion.

00:42:22.695 --> 00:42:29.534
Okay, but if you really go back and you say, okay, was, were these three filters true?

00:42:29.764 --> 00:42:32.875
Are the things that I'm seeing and believing, are they actually true?

00:42:32.875 --> 00:42:42.184
And you start interrogating them, you will find that there are holes in, in one or more of them make the whole anger thing like unnecessary.

00:42:43.545 --> 00:42:50.335
And you literally, you literally confront your own fallibility and how your brain automatically processes things.

00:42:51.570 --> 00:42:52.800
in a fallible way.

00:42:54.039 --> 00:43:06.170
And then you can use another part of your brain to recognize that, to see the truth, tell the truth, remind yourself, wait a second, you know, these people who are driving slow and are bothering me, they aren't really bad people.

00:43:06.664 --> 00:43:07.945
They aren't really trying to hurt me.

00:43:07.945 --> 00:43:09.364
They aren't trying to mess up my day.

00:43:09.855 --> 00:43:15.724
You know, these are all false perceptions that we may have most of the time that's driving our upset.

00:43:16.635 --> 00:43:23.755
And when you see yourself in, when you see yourself doing that, actually doing that, Oh, I'm getting myself upset because I'm seeing the world incorrectly.

00:43:24.974 --> 00:43:26.463
And that's making me upset.

00:43:26.474 --> 00:43:28.005
Then you go like, Oh, I can stop that.

00:43:28.244 --> 00:43:28.605
That's.

00:43:28.864 --> 00:43:36.744
That's kind of ridiculous to be doing that because then all the truthfulness of it, you know, it gets weakened and now you can play with it a little bit and go like, Oh, maybe it's not true.

00:43:37.134 --> 00:43:37.985
You know, maybe they're okay.

00:43:37.985 --> 00:43:46.733
People, you know, maybe it's no big deal that we're going a little few miles slower or, you know, whatever it is that I've got going on or, you know, it's, maybe it's not all that important.

00:43:48.755 --> 00:43:49.125
Okay.

00:43:49.795 --> 00:43:49.994
Yeah.

00:43:52.485 --> 00:43:52.755
Dr.

00:43:52.755 --> 00:43:54.855
Moore true or false.

00:43:54.994 --> 00:44:00.465
It doesn't matter if we're the quiet anger guys are the guys who don't think we're angry or the guys who explode.

00:44:01.235 --> 00:44:04.144
You can help us learn to navigate these waters.

00:44:05.144 --> 00:44:08.195
It's true because they're all, it all comes from the same three filters.

00:44:08.724 --> 00:44:12.724
You know, uh, I don't know when you, I can happen to tell you what those are.

00:44:12.724 --> 00:44:14.074
Do we have time in a second to do it?

00:44:14.744 --> 00:44:16.873
I just, I just wanted, we're going to go into that in a minute.

00:44:16.914 --> 00:44:22.788
I just wanted to, yeah, the little anger and the big anger, they all come from that same three ways of looking at things.

00:44:22.788 --> 00:44:27.835
It's just, you have, people have different intensity of responses, but it's all, it's the same causes.

00:44:28.315 --> 00:44:31.474
You know, any kind of anger is always caused by the same three filters.

00:44:32.414 --> 00:44:32.925
So guys.

00:44:33.425 --> 00:44:41.574
We've been talking about anger, how it impacts your life, how there is actually a solution to it in the next portion of the show, Dr.

00:44:41.574 --> 00:44:47.173
Moore is going to help us learn to actually process our anger the right way.

00:44:47.173 --> 00:44:49.344
So we don't necessarily get angry.

00:44:49.804 --> 00:44:52.554
As he said, he's hardly been angry in the last 40 years.

00:44:52.864 --> 00:44:55.545
Obviously there's that off moment, but.

00:44:55.925 --> 00:45:06.605
He has learned to filter the world more appropriately, not have this anger issue, not have these irritations, and he's going to help us all learn to start doing that in our own lives.

00:45:08.025 --> 00:45:09.755
Guarantee it's going to be worth your time.

00:45:10.094 --> 00:45:12.715
So we're going to roll our sponsor and we will be right back with Dr.

00:45:12.715 --> 00:45:16.824
Moore to help you learn to process your anger more correctly.

00:45:17.945 --> 00:45:19.793
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00:46:12.255 --> 00:46:14.324
Now let's dive back into the show guys.

00:46:14.324 --> 00:46:15.704
Welcome back in the last part of the show.

00:46:15.704 --> 00:46:21.445
We were discussing anger and how it impacts your life and how it's not, we're not getting all the pieces here.

00:46:21.894 --> 00:46:25.175
We think it's pretty black and white, but it's not in this part of the show.

00:46:25.175 --> 00:46:25.813
We're going to stop.

00:46:28.074 --> 00:46:28.744
I just said that wrong.

00:46:28.744 --> 00:46:34.454
We're going to move into how to stop getting angry and irritated and upset without going to therapy.

00:46:34.855 --> 00:46:37.545
Guys, I've been in anger management therapy before.

00:46:38.335 --> 00:46:41.425
It's not a fun place and it wasn't particularly productive for me.

00:46:41.474 --> 00:46:46.164
That may not be everybody's experience, uh, but it was definitely mine.

00:46:46.164 --> 00:46:48.628
So I'm really excited about the idea of.

00:46:49.139 --> 00:46:56.469
learning to process anger and irritation a different way and get it under control without the therapy sessions.

00:46:56.489 --> 00:46:58.028
Cause I don't like therapists.

00:46:58.028 --> 00:47:00.590
I don't personal pet peeve.

00:47:00.590 --> 00:47:02.818
Never had a good experiences with the doctor more.

00:47:02.840 --> 00:47:08.269
You've developed an entirely different approach and you already kind of let us into, we've been missing some of the pieces.

00:47:08.880 --> 00:47:09.389
So.

00:47:09.744 --> 00:47:12.614
What, how do, how do we do this?

00:47:13.094 --> 00:47:20.155
Yeah, well, first, let me just give a little context that, that anger happens as like a triggered phenomenon.

00:47:20.795 --> 00:47:24.675
We don't have a lot of control over, you know, however we experience anger.

00:47:24.675 --> 00:47:27.974
It just happens automatically based on our previous life experiences.

00:47:28.603 --> 00:47:32.545
So you can't really, once you learn this, you learn to understand anger better.

00:47:32.755 --> 00:47:34.735
It's not going to immediately stop you from getting angry.

00:47:34.744 --> 00:47:35.715
You're still going to get angry.

00:47:36.150 --> 00:47:38.909
Okay, in the beginning, but at least you'll know where it's coming from.

00:47:38.909 --> 00:47:43.429
At least you'll have a system that you'll be able to step in immediately or quickly and go, okay, I can make that go away.

00:47:43.889 --> 00:48:01.380
So it doesn't last for days or weeks or disturb your sleep or anything, but then over time, what happens and what happened for me when I practice doing this, Many, many times over a period of a year or two years, eventually it sort of changes you, changes your brain.

00:48:01.389 --> 00:48:08.300
It changes how you see the world and you stop getting angry, but it's not, that doesn't happen like right in the beginning.

00:48:08.860 --> 00:48:11.420
What happens in the beginning is you learn, you understand your anger.

00:48:11.599 --> 00:48:12.963
You continue to get angry.

00:48:13.195 --> 00:48:15.364
But now you have a different way of understanding it relating to it.

00:48:15.414 --> 00:48:25.043
So, what I discovered 40 years ago that I didn't know, despite all my education, was that, again, we don't, we don't really see the world as it actually is.

00:48:25.724 --> 00:48:27.465
We, we see it, it's filtered.

00:48:27.483 --> 00:48:30.614
Everything that we experience internally is coming through filters.

00:48:30.614 --> 00:48:32.114
Our brain filters everything.

00:48:32.353 --> 00:48:34.153
There's just too much information out there.

00:48:34.585 --> 00:48:37.224
Um, to for our brain that process at all.

00:48:37.235 --> 00:48:38.644
So we chunks it down.

00:48:39.085 --> 00:48:41.914
It makes it simplifies things and it leaves stuff out.

00:48:42.494 --> 00:48:44.864
Sometimes it leaves big pieces of reality out.

00:48:45.405 --> 00:48:52.184
And then it presents us with a sense of reality that looks like it's the whole thing, but it usually has holes in it.

00:48:52.775 --> 00:48:53.963
But anyhow, that's so that's what happened.

00:48:53.963 --> 00:48:57.643
So anger comes from looking from three specific filters.

00:48:57.989 --> 00:49:04.980
You're looking at the world in three ways, and those ways are usually somebody, somebody did something that was bad and wrong.

00:49:04.989 --> 00:49:06.039
That's the first filter.

00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:11.480
So notice, we don't really get angry if we think somebody did something wonderful or great or terrific.

00:49:11.659 --> 00:49:12.309
Fantastic.

00:49:12.349 --> 00:49:13.369
That doesn't make us angry.

00:49:13.449 --> 00:49:16.409
It's only when they do something bad or wrong, or we think they shouldn't have done.

00:49:16.860 --> 00:49:20.030
The second filter is somebody was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

00:49:20.474 --> 00:49:21.494
By the bad behavior.

00:49:22.425 --> 00:49:31.184
And then the third filter is that person who did the bad thing and did the hurt and harm was unilaterally responsible or to blame for what happened.

00:49:31.643 --> 00:49:40.523
So, for example, take, uh, take a terrorist attack, which obviously not a great thing, but take a terrorist attack and something happens in a, in your, in our country and we get angry.

00:49:41.375 --> 00:49:41.724
Did it happen?

00:49:42.144 --> 00:49:42.894
Why do we get angry?

00:49:43.574 --> 00:49:45.574
We're looking at it through these three filters.

00:49:45.574 --> 00:49:48.545
The terror, whoever did it, um, shouldn't have done it.

00:49:48.565 --> 00:49:49.644
It was a bad and wrong thing.

00:49:49.655 --> 00:49:52.204
Let's say they blew up a bomb or something and injured and killed people.

00:49:52.755 --> 00:49:55.123
It was a bad and wrong thing, but we're hurt and harmed.

00:49:55.135 --> 00:49:56.094
That's filter number two.

00:49:56.494 --> 00:49:57.494
And who was responsible?

00:49:58.320 --> 00:50:00.280
The terrorist for deciding to do this.

00:50:00.590 --> 00:50:10.199
So when you see the world through those three filters and you believe they're absolutely true, a hundred percent true, anger is what will come up.

00:50:10.210 --> 00:50:14.760
Now, if you were feeling anxious, if you're feeling anxious, you've got three different filters.

00:50:14.889 --> 00:50:15.179
Go ahead.

00:50:15.409 --> 00:50:16.599
I got to stop you for just a second.

00:50:16.809 --> 00:50:17.139
Sure.

00:50:17.519 --> 00:50:21.179
For all of our sensors out there, we were talking about this at a theoretical level level.

00:50:22.829 --> 00:50:25.690
So this is the theoretical discussion.

00:50:26.030 --> 00:50:27.909
With a terrorist as an example.

00:50:28.090 --> 00:50:29.099
Yes, absolutely.

00:50:29.099 --> 00:50:29.349
Yes.

00:50:29.349 --> 00:50:30.659
Hypothetical hypothetical.

00:50:30.760 --> 00:50:31.070
Sorry.

00:50:31.090 --> 00:50:34.320
YouTube is really, really trigger words.

00:50:34.320 --> 00:50:34.900
These things.

00:50:35.009 --> 00:50:35.289
Right.

00:50:35.369 --> 00:50:49.150
But if you got, I mean, if you saw, if you watched a video clip on Instagram and then you got angry, whatever you saw, you, you, you would be seeing it through a filter of that, whatever I saw, it shouldn't have, it shouldn't have happened.

00:50:49.159 --> 00:50:51.369
The people who were in that video shouldn't have done what they did.

00:50:51.630 --> 00:50:53.789
Somebody was hurt and harmed, negatively impacted.

00:50:54.139 --> 00:50:56.510
And somebody was unilaterally responsible to blame.

00:50:56.510 --> 00:50:57.880
And that's where your anger comes from.

00:50:58.059 --> 00:51:00.010
It always comes from those three filters.

00:51:00.380 --> 00:51:07.550
Okay, regardless of the most horrendous situation or, you know, somebody cut you off in traffic.

00:51:08.630 --> 00:51:09.250
It's the same thing.

00:51:09.250 --> 00:51:10.219
They shouldn't have done that.

00:51:10.469 --> 00:51:12.010
You were now negatively impacted.

00:51:12.018 --> 00:51:13.539
Your progress was impeded.

00:51:13.860 --> 00:51:14.960
And who was at fault?

00:51:15.179 --> 00:51:22.298
The, the other person was at fault, you know, for driving, for cutting you off and being, you know, not being careful and not being a conscientious driver.

00:51:23.108 --> 00:51:24.568
You were looking through those filters.

00:51:24.769 --> 00:51:25.559
Okay, so that's.

00:51:26.190 --> 00:51:27.300
That's how that happens.

00:51:28.059 --> 00:51:42.230
So, um, I remember when I was first starting to explore the, the, this process, um, I, I too, I would like to get, I used to like to get angry in my car when people would cut me off and I would like to flip the bird and honk the horn and work up the anger.

00:51:42.230 --> 00:51:43.949
Cause I thought that was a good thing to do to express it.

00:51:44.469 --> 00:51:51.949
And then one day I was driving down the road, somebody pulled into an entrance ramp and I had to slam on my brakes to avoid hitting them.

00:51:52.320 --> 00:51:59.028
I started to work up the anger and then I realized, oh my gosh, I was going 80 miles an hour in the right hand lane.

00:52:00.219 --> 00:52:01.610
I didn't notice that before.

00:52:03.679 --> 00:52:07.820
So that piece, that third filter that says they were 100 percent responsible or to blame.

00:52:08.110 --> 00:52:10.610
for this incident turned out to be false.

00:52:11.579 --> 00:52:17.059
Uh, yeah, they did what they did, but I was driving 80 miles an hour and I remember times when in my life I had been in their shoes.

00:52:17.478 --> 00:52:22.869
I had come onto an entrance ramp for a highway and I took a quick glance and I saw a car in the distance.

00:52:22.869 --> 00:52:24.360
I didn't realize how fast it was going.

00:52:24.730 --> 00:52:28.219
You know, I just leisurely kind of came onto the highway and all of a sudden they're on top of me.

00:52:28.250 --> 00:52:31.619
It wasn't because I was a bad driver or an inconsiderate driver.

00:52:31.630 --> 00:52:35.898
It was because I didn't realize they were going 80 miles an hour with that quick little, you know, glance back there.

00:52:36.300 --> 00:52:42.608
So when I realized that I, it was that I played a role in, in this happening, I couldn't, I couldn't work up the anger anymore.

00:52:42.699 --> 00:52:44.170
It was like, I can see.

00:52:44.630 --> 00:52:49.239
The truth of the matter is that they weren't totally responsible to blame, they weren't being inconsiderate, probably.

00:52:49.719 --> 00:52:52.409
And that I played a major role in why the incident happened.

00:52:52.409 --> 00:52:53.398
So that's what I'm talking about.

00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:59.190
When you, when you can see these filters and understand where the anger is coming from, then you can step in and say, Okay, are they true?

00:53:00.248 --> 00:53:01.559
Uh, are each of them true?

00:53:01.559 --> 00:53:04.559
And all you have to do is find one of them that isn't completely true.

00:53:04.559 --> 00:53:07.190
And the whole emotion, it's like a three legged stool.

00:53:07.190 --> 00:53:12.460
The whole emotion collapses because you took out one of the major legs that was keeping it alive.

00:53:14.099 --> 00:53:28.224
That's, that's The benefit of knowing these three filters is that it gives you the, it returns the power to you, uh, where you can step in and argue with the reality that your brain is presenting to you and then making you upset.

00:53:30.045 --> 00:53:30.364
Okay.

00:53:30.375 --> 00:53:31.634
And I apologize for interrupting.

00:53:31.635 --> 00:53:33.014
I generally don't do that to a guest.

00:53:33.474 --> 00:53:34.934
Uh, the sensors have gotten.

00:53:35.635 --> 00:53:45.793
No, I appreciate the, I, I, I'm not that, I'm not on YouTube that much that I have that same sensitivity that you do, but as soon as you said it, I said, Oh yeah, I can't, I understand exactly where he's coming from.

00:53:46.724 --> 00:53:57.884
I, I, I have to interject those in just because I don't want people to miss the, the whole conversation because keywords were triggered.

00:53:59.284 --> 00:54:01.385
That that's, unfortunately that's the world we live in.

00:54:01.534 --> 00:54:01.985
Yes.

00:54:02.125 --> 00:54:04.394
That's why I have a backup rumble account as well.

00:54:05.469 --> 00:54:09.960
Rumble doesn't do that to me, but I do have to be sensitive to that.

00:54:10.579 --> 00:54:16.260
Now you said, let me get, if I got this right, said it comes from an injustice, right?

00:54:16.480 --> 00:54:18.670
Something, they did something wrong, right?

00:54:18.829 --> 00:54:22.530
It comes from the perception of perception or the judgment that they did something wrong.

00:54:23.000 --> 00:54:23.429
Okay.

00:54:23.760 --> 00:54:24.900
Which is something our brain is doing.

00:54:26.659 --> 00:54:27.000
Okay.

00:54:27.110 --> 00:54:31.750
And Or someone was hurt, someone was hurt or harmed or negatively impacted.

00:54:31.909 --> 00:54:32.130
Yeah.

00:54:32.449 --> 00:54:33.800
And it was just wrong to happen.

00:54:34.090 --> 00:54:34.329
No.

00:54:34.329 --> 00:54:38.719
And the person who did the wrong thing was pretty much a hundred percent responsible or to blame.

00:54:38.719 --> 00:54:45.949
It's like we have these very narrow blinders on and we're just focused on their behavior and we don't see any other causes.

00:54:46.469 --> 00:54:55.340
Like for example, in the driving example I gave, I, I, when I was angry that this person cut me off, I had blinders on, I couldn't see that I was going 80 miles an hour.

00:54:55.699 --> 00:54:58.760
But as soon as I saw that, like, okay, the blinders are off now.

00:54:59.570 --> 00:55:02.360
Now I see, I see what they did, but I also see what I did.

00:55:03.280 --> 00:55:09.380
Now I have a different picture of the event and now I can't get angry at them because I have caused it.

00:55:11.018 --> 00:55:12.690
So, so that's what I mean by that.

00:55:12.829 --> 00:55:18.909
Um, so those are the three ways of looking and they're all being generated by our brain through our conditioning.

00:55:19.690 --> 00:55:24.239
So different people will look at different, we'll have different judgments about different things.

00:55:24.239 --> 00:55:26.599
And we'll judge people to be wrong for different reasons.

00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:28.849
A lot of times we judge people to be wrong.

00:55:29.610 --> 00:55:33.260
And doing bad things when they're when they're not really bad wrong.

00:55:33.269 --> 00:55:39.485
They're just different from how we would do them But but the judgment comes out They were wrong.

00:55:39.914 --> 00:55:53.764
Okay, like for example, my my wife and I were about to celebrate our 40th anniversary Congratulations never would have happened had I not discovered this process 40 years ago and got rid of most of my anger So when we met I had gotten rid of most of my anger.

00:55:53.764 --> 00:56:06.434
She never had a lot of anger So consequently we never had a lot of angry fights in our relationship, but early on I noticed there was this one time That we would start getting angry with each other and it stuck out like a sore thumb.

00:56:06.434 --> 00:56:10.344
It was so rare and it happened like two or three times and it was in the same scenario.

00:56:10.344 --> 00:56:13.025
And I went like, this is weird, what the heck's going on here?

00:56:13.224 --> 00:56:14.784
And it would only happen on car trips.

00:56:14.914 --> 00:56:18.175
We went somewhere on a car trip and even more bizarre.

00:56:18.195 --> 00:56:20.184
It wouldn't happen when we drove to the car.

00:56:20.349 --> 00:56:21.269
to the destination.

00:56:22.059 --> 00:56:26.239
It wouldn't happen while we were at the resort or wherever we were, the vacation place, wherever we were.

00:56:26.260 --> 00:56:27.460
It only happened when we drove home.

00:56:27.469 --> 00:56:30.130
It was like even weirder.

00:56:30.769 --> 00:56:34.360
So I started to say, after it happened like two or three times, I'm like, what, something's going on here, you know?

00:56:34.380 --> 00:56:36.648
Um, and so I looked at the three filters.

00:56:36.648 --> 00:56:38.418
I said, uh, and what, what would usually happen?

00:56:38.429 --> 00:56:40.099
We'd be, I'd be driving, we'd be driving home.

00:56:40.099 --> 00:56:40.900
I'd be behind the wheel.

00:56:40.900 --> 00:56:43.965
My wife would say, Hey, there's something over here.

00:56:43.965 --> 00:56:46.244
It's only like an hour off of our path.

00:56:46.304 --> 00:56:47.764
I'd really like to go see that.

00:56:48.215 --> 00:56:48.724
Let's go.

00:56:48.724 --> 00:56:50.135
And I would go, no, we're not doing that.

00:56:51.454 --> 00:56:52.545
And she would go, what do you mean we're not doing?

00:56:52.934 --> 00:56:53.965
I said, no, we're not doing that.

00:56:54.335 --> 00:57:00.295
And, you know, I would have a tone and, you know, and she would react and she, and I would react to her reaction and we'd get snowball from there.

00:57:00.875 --> 00:57:05.653
And I, and so I started to, you know, I said, okay, so those, that's why I was upset with her asking.

00:57:05.925 --> 00:57:06.864
Now, let me look at it.

00:57:06.894 --> 00:57:12.275
You know, is it true that she really did something bad and wrong by asking to deviate from the path?

00:57:12.275 --> 00:57:14.844
And I went like, not really.

00:57:15.454 --> 00:57:17.235
I mean, that's how my family did it.

00:57:17.284 --> 00:57:20.764
You know, when I was a kid, her, she came from a different family.

00:57:20.764 --> 00:57:26.864
She was a single, uh, only child and her mother and father, when they took trips there, her mother would always say, let's go over here.

00:57:26.864 --> 00:57:28.434
And they would go two hours out of the way.

00:57:28.434 --> 00:57:29.925
And that was their tradition.

00:57:30.614 --> 00:57:32.355
So it really wasn't wrong.

00:57:33.000 --> 00:57:43.798
Um, it was just how she did it, and liked it, and as soon as I saw that, I realized that I had falsely judged her as doing something wrong, when in fact, it wasn't really wrong.

00:57:44.670 --> 00:57:48.159
So from that point forward, I realized that that was a stupid thing for me to keep doing.

00:57:50.610 --> 00:57:54.059
You know, accusing her of doing the wrong thing, but she really, the truth was, she really wasn't.

00:57:54.320 --> 00:57:58.570
So from that point on, every time we're doing, in a situation, and she says, Hey, I'd like to go over here.

00:57:59.000 --> 00:58:00.059
And it's off of our beaten path.

00:58:00.059 --> 00:58:02.469
I said, sure, honey, if that's what you want to do, let's go do it.

00:58:03.469 --> 00:58:06.789
It's part of my job as a husband is to have you have what you want.

00:58:07.469 --> 00:58:10.469
So, so I didn't see, but you see, I'm seeing it completely differently.

00:58:11.059 --> 00:58:12.389
I'm not seeing it as a crime.

00:58:12.389 --> 00:58:14.690
I'm not seeing it as a major, you know, no, no.

00:58:15.530 --> 00:58:20.250
Um, like I did originally, it was kind of like an, my brain told me, you know, she's wrong.

00:58:20.250 --> 00:58:20.639
She's wrong.

00:58:20.639 --> 00:58:21.590
You don't drive home that way.

00:58:21.590 --> 00:58:22.480
You drive straight home.

00:58:22.480 --> 00:58:23.559
You never deviate.

00:58:23.559 --> 00:58:25.210
That was my pattern.

00:58:25.650 --> 00:58:26.670
And that was my brain.

00:58:27.329 --> 00:58:28.289
That was the fake news.

00:58:28.289 --> 00:58:29.378
My brain was sending me.

00:58:29.750 --> 00:58:33.699
That that's how anyone should drive all the time, which is false.

00:58:34.920 --> 00:58:49.664
So that's just an example of how we have comes up all the time in relationships and in our lives with everything where we often will judge people based on our own personal standards, as if the whole world is supposed to live by our standards, which is a crazy notion to have.

00:58:50.554 --> 00:58:53.155
That, that, that example is going to come back to haunt me.

00:58:53.155 --> 00:58:57.434
Cause that's my wife and I have the car straight there.

00:58:58.784 --> 00:59:00.235
My wife was like, Oh, let's do this.

00:59:03.235 --> 00:59:06.184
I go to the bathroom, fill up gas, get a drink.

00:59:06.603 --> 00:59:09.394
Exactly the way our family did it.

00:59:09.394 --> 00:59:11.605
No, no deviation whatsoever.

00:59:12.425 --> 00:59:13.304
Oh my goodness.

00:59:13.394 --> 00:59:16.875
So if we can start adjusting these filters.

00:59:17.610 --> 00:59:18.019
Right.

00:59:18.409 --> 00:59:21.050
I, and I love that you can't, you can't adjust the filters there.

00:59:21.059 --> 00:59:21.440
You're stuck.

00:59:22.179 --> 00:59:22.829
You're stuck.

00:59:23.920 --> 00:59:26.480
It's like, it's like trying to get bicycle riding out of your body.

00:59:27.019 --> 00:59:37.128
You know, once, once you learn to ride a bicycle and you have all those, you know, balance and all that, all those things that get ingrained, you can be, you can not ride a bicycle for 50 years and get on one and you can still ride.

00:59:37.128 --> 00:59:37.920
It's still in your body.

00:59:38.769 --> 00:59:40.869
So you're not, you're not getting rid of these filters.

00:59:41.309 --> 00:59:46.170
The only thing you do is increase your awareness of the fact that they click in whenever you're angry.

00:59:46.639 --> 00:59:47.630
And now you know what they are.

00:59:47.630 --> 00:59:51.480
You can write those three things down on an index card or on your cell phone.

00:59:52.094 --> 00:59:54.664
You know, somebody did something bad and wrong they shouldn't have done.

00:59:54.724 --> 00:59:56.704
Somebody was hurt, harmed, negatively impacted.

00:59:57.065 --> 00:59:59.585
Somebody, that person, was unilaterally responsible and blamed.

01:00:00.054 --> 01:00:10.875
You can write that down and every single time from this day on, when you get angry, You'll know exactly where that anger is coming from 100 percent never fails.

01:00:10.914 --> 01:00:14.494
I've been doing it for 40 years working my own anger and other people's anger.

01:00:14.505 --> 01:00:18.364
It has never not been those three filters when a person was truly angry.

01:00:18.775 --> 01:00:24.364
Now, if they had another emotion, that's a whole different, you know, ballgame because they have different filters for different emotions.

01:00:24.594 --> 01:00:31.784
But if you're angry, annoyed, irritated, uh, it's not even frustrated, kind of falls in that category, uh, or rip roaring angry.

01:00:31.824 --> 01:00:32.594
It doesn't matter.

01:00:33.159 --> 01:00:40.119
You got those three filters working unconsciously inside of you that you don't even know is where your anger is coming from, but that's where it's coming from.

01:00:40.119 --> 01:00:41.369
And you're believing they're all true.

01:00:42.500 --> 01:00:45.960
And if you examine them, you'll find out if you're willing to be honest.

01:00:46.849 --> 01:00:53.909
If you're willing to be fallible and willing to admit, you can make your body is capable of telling you, giving you fake news.

01:00:54.260 --> 01:00:58.019
Um, and you can see what the fake news is and understand what lies beyond it.

01:00:58.630 --> 01:01:01.940
You can make your anger disappear by doing that process.

01:01:03.449 --> 01:01:10.849
I love that you threw in that at the beginning of this isn't an instant process, I would have been worried if you had been like, yeah, we're going to take care of it like that.

01:01:10.969 --> 01:01:12.760
No, no, this is what you can do.

01:01:12.800 --> 01:01:14.829
You can, you can do what I just said.

01:01:15.010 --> 01:01:17.159
You can get angry and say, okay, I know how I'm thinking.

01:01:17.300 --> 01:01:18.190
I can pull out my cell phone.

01:01:18.190 --> 01:01:19.030
I'm thinking this, this, this.

01:01:19.050 --> 01:01:19.260
Yep.

01:01:19.579 --> 01:01:19.840
Okay.

01:01:19.840 --> 01:01:20.449
Now, is this true?

01:01:20.809 --> 01:01:22.139
Uh, made a mistake.

01:01:22.710 --> 01:01:27.289
And within 15, 30 seconds, You can go, I was wrong.

01:01:28.699 --> 01:01:29.519
Nothing to be angry about.

01:01:29.920 --> 01:01:32.760
And literally you will, you will drop the anger in that moment.

01:01:33.840 --> 01:01:46.889
Now, five minutes later, you might be driving down the road, all peaceful and calm, and your brain sends you the same story again, Oh, you remember back then you really were, you really did do this and they really were wrong and all that, and you have to do the same thing again.

01:01:46.889 --> 01:01:49.059
You have to remind yourself, wait a minute, that's fake news.

01:01:49.460 --> 01:01:50.670
That my brain is sending me.

01:01:50.949 --> 01:01:51.719
Here's the truth.

01:01:51.840 --> 01:01:53.389
I just looked at it five minutes ago.

01:01:53.590 --> 01:01:57.630
It's the same truth hasn't changed I just have to remind myself now.

01:01:57.809 --> 01:02:19.945
No, that's not true That's a false narrative that my brain is sending me just like we do with the regular news I mean, we all know the regular news is is false most of the time and you have to remind yourself what's true You know, yeah, they're telling me what to believe but uh, i've got my own You know, ideas here, my own way of looking at things, and I don't buy that, you know, so that we have to do the same thing with ourselves.

01:02:19.974 --> 01:02:22.925
We have to combat the fake news that our brain is sending us.

01:02:22.925 --> 01:02:23.795
That's making us angry.

01:02:23.945 --> 01:02:29.954
And by the way, have you noticed media people excel at making us angry?

01:02:31.025 --> 01:02:32.244
They know the formula.

01:02:33.184 --> 01:02:34.614
They know the three filters.

01:02:34.844 --> 01:02:37.835
They know what to say and how to say it.

01:02:38.005 --> 01:02:39.594
The trigger those three filters.

01:02:40.679 --> 01:02:42.239
Somebody did something bad and wrong.

01:02:42.449 --> 01:02:44.559
Somebody was hurt and harmed, negatively impacted.

01:02:44.840 --> 01:02:48.969
The, the, the offending person was unilaterally responsible to blame.

01:02:48.969 --> 01:02:49.719
There are no other causes.

01:02:50.090 --> 01:02:52.090
And then they sell that to us.

01:02:52.099 --> 01:02:57.840
And then we get up, we get angry and we go click on their thing or buy their thing or whatever, and that's how they make their money.

01:02:58.094 --> 01:03:00.614
They know exactly what we're talking about today.

01:03:00.914 --> 01:03:06.164
They are masters at just like our own brain does it to ourselves.

01:03:06.255 --> 01:03:12.465
The media just feeds that same tendency that we have within us and they know what it is and they can make us anxious.

01:03:12.465 --> 01:03:14.005
They can make us angry and they can.

01:03:14.480 --> 01:03:15.539
Hit us against each other.

01:03:15.539 --> 01:03:16.730
And that's what they do.

01:03:17.449 --> 01:03:18.059
Same mechanism.

01:03:18.059 --> 01:03:28.119
And as we go through this practice over and over again, as we work through this, this will actually build more into just a altered perception.

01:03:28.550 --> 01:03:29.929
You actually change your brain.

01:03:30.289 --> 01:03:33.489
You create new synapses in your brain, which we're doing all the time anyway.

01:03:33.949 --> 01:03:36.070
Anytime you learn something new, you've got new synapses.

01:03:36.139 --> 01:03:38.969
Anytime, you know, you discover something, you've got new synapses.

01:03:39.260 --> 01:03:41.900
But you can intentionally, that's what practice is.

01:03:42.199 --> 01:03:48.320
Practice is you're reinforcing, you know, new behaviors, new synapses in your brain until you get really good at it.

01:03:48.320 --> 01:03:49.050
It becomes automatic.

01:03:50.105 --> 01:03:58.744
But, but you can literally by when you, when you see the world automatically, which you don't have any control over most of the time, then you say, oops, I saw the world automatically.

01:03:58.784 --> 01:04:00.364
And it was this way, this way and this way.

01:04:00.894 --> 01:04:02.474
Now, let me re examine that.

01:04:02.494 --> 01:04:03.155
Is it true?

01:04:03.155 --> 01:04:04.715
And you go, oh, it's not so true.

01:04:05.014 --> 01:04:10.523
That in and of itself is going to do some brain work on your brain.

01:04:10.525 --> 01:04:14.914
And if you do that 100 times or 200 times or 300 times in different scenarios.

01:04:15.550 --> 01:04:34.188
You're going to be building more wisdom and intelligence into your synapses so that when something the next thing happens a year from now that's similar that used to trigger the hell out of you and annoy you now you're going oh well that's like I can see that differently now automatically I just saw it differently I didn't see it the wrong way.

01:04:34.559 --> 01:04:35.489
So I didn't get upset.

01:04:35.719 --> 01:04:40.389
You know, that's, that's when you asked me, you know, can I, what, what triggered me, you know, what triggers me to get upset.

01:04:40.389 --> 01:04:48.230
It's like, I don't do it anymore because I reprogram myself and change my brain over years and years and years of doing this work.

01:04:48.599 --> 01:04:50.099
Um, again, not overnight.

01:04:50.530 --> 01:05:10.929
Um, but now I see the world differently because i've trained my brain to be more Accurate than than the fake news generation part of my brain That used to send me fake news and still does still does but I now have not combated easier now Dr.

01:05:10.929 --> 01:05:11.809
Mark, what's next for you?

01:05:11.809 --> 01:05:12.719
What's the big project?

01:05:13.860 --> 01:05:25.289
Well, so i've had a coaching program where I teach people how to do this Um, and that's been very successful, but I really i'm I can only You I can only help so many people in a one on one coaching thing.

01:05:25.289 --> 01:05:29.269
So I wrote a book, um, that I just released recently on Amazon.

01:05:29.989 --> 01:05:30.699
It's called Dr.

01:05:30.699 --> 01:05:32.369
Orman's life changing anger cure.

01:05:32.940 --> 01:05:35.579
And it literally spells out everything we've talked about today.

01:05:35.590 --> 01:05:43.869
Every plus a lot more goes into greater depth, but the whole thing, everything I teach in my coaching program, I laid out nothing held back.

01:05:43.929 --> 01:05:46.190
I gave you the whole blueprint, the whole methodology.

01:05:46.429 --> 01:05:47.469
The only thing I can't do.

01:05:48.114 --> 01:05:52.074
That I can do in a coaching program is you can say to me, well, I got angry at my wife yesterday.

01:05:52.074 --> 01:05:53.434
I got angry at my kids yesterday.

01:05:53.434 --> 01:05:55.454
And I say, okay, well, let's apply this to that situation.

01:05:56.105 --> 01:05:58.664
And I will help you work through how you would work through it.

01:05:59.114 --> 01:06:01.554
You know, in that individual situation.

01:06:01.585 --> 01:06:06.034
I can't do that in a book because I don't know what got you angry, but I can give you some examples of how it would go.

01:06:06.380 --> 01:06:07.389
How you could do it yourself.

01:06:07.389 --> 01:06:09.710
But anyhow, so that's available to people now.

01:06:09.710 --> 01:06:12.119
They can go on Amazon, get that Dr.

01:06:12.119 --> 01:06:13.650
Orman's life changing anger cure.

01:06:13.940 --> 01:06:18.119
And it literally has the power to change your life if you understand this stuff.

01:06:18.119 --> 01:06:23.590
And it's, by the way, as you're learning about anger, how this process works with anger, it works the same way in other emotions.

01:06:23.599 --> 01:06:31.119
So you're actually teaching yourself how you can deal with anxiety better, how you can deal with worry better, how you can deal with guilt better, how you can deal with sadness better.

01:06:31.119 --> 01:06:33.268
Any of these like negative emotions that can, okay.

01:06:33.929 --> 01:06:57.119
Pull us down and make us kind of less than, than, uh, you know, the wonderful, capable, able people that we are, you know, and the ability to do the great things that we have the ability to do if these emotions are dragging you down or interfering with your health or your relationship, it's the same process for any of them is you identify the filters and you realize the fake news, your brain sending you that's causing the emotion.

01:06:57.119 --> 01:06:58.440
And then you do battle with that.

01:06:59.030 --> 01:07:05.400
Internally, you, you debate yourself and, and you try to get down to what's really true and what's not.

01:07:07.039 --> 01:07:09.489
Where's the best place for people to connect with you, doctor?

01:07:10.230 --> 01:07:12.550
Uh, I've got a website, uh, doc Orman.

01:07:12.860 --> 01:07:15.849
com is a great place for them to get in touch with me.

01:07:15.849 --> 01:07:20.519
I also have a free handout, uh, that talks about a little bit about my program that I have.

01:07:20.519 --> 01:07:24.639
It's called, um, uh, the URL for that is the anger solution.

01:07:24.940 --> 01:07:25.429
org.

01:07:26.119 --> 01:07:29.329
That's a short PDF handout and that'll get you on my email list.

01:07:29.329 --> 01:07:31.440
And I send emails out, um, every week.

01:07:32.034 --> 01:07:34.875
Uh, where I discuss a topic related to anger or stress.

01:07:34.875 --> 01:07:42.094
So those are all great ways for people to connect with me, be in touch with me and interact with me if they want to, which I'm always open to.

01:07:42.914 --> 01:07:44.255
Guys, of course, we'll have Dr.

01:07:44.465 --> 01:07:47.164
Orman's links all in the description and the show notes.

01:07:47.434 --> 01:07:50.965
I'm gonna make sure you guys can continue this conversation with Dr.

01:07:50.965 --> 01:07:51.434
Orman.

01:07:52.335 --> 01:07:58.545
Now, I know that all of you are really concerned about which horror writer changed her name from Howard Allen O'Brien.

01:07:58.824 --> 01:08:03.545
Before the first grade, which is a tremendous self awareness, but I'm not sure who names a girl Howard.

01:08:04.309 --> 01:08:09.710
Uh, you guessed Joyce Carol Oates based on test taking principles with letter C.

01:08:09.940 --> 01:08:11.739
The actual answer is Anne Rice.

01:08:12.190 --> 01:08:19.079
Uh, she apparently had a horrible name and changed it to, I think, has better.

01:08:19.159 --> 01:08:23.199
Uh, one of my listeners actually submitted this question for the show.

01:08:23.659 --> 01:08:24.059
Uh, so.

01:08:24.699 --> 01:08:26.810
So guys, if you enjoyed that, send me trivia questions.

01:08:26.810 --> 01:08:29.460
I'll, I'll put them on the show and use those instead of looking them up myself.

01:08:29.470 --> 01:08:30.159
It saves me time.

01:08:30.430 --> 01:08:31.979
I kept my trivia record intact.

01:08:32.449 --> 01:08:33.880
Very proud of that.

01:08:34.310 --> 01:08:34.899
Very proud of that.

01:08:36.050 --> 01:08:43.720
You know, I, by the end of the show, I don't actually care about the trivia question, but the one time I didn't actually include, like give the answer at the end, I heard about it.

01:08:45.550 --> 01:08:47.810
I have people like messaging me on Instagram.

01:08:47.810 --> 01:08:49.119
I was like, what was the answer?

01:08:50.270 --> 01:08:50.989
Google it, man.

01:08:50.989 --> 01:08:51.470
Come on.

01:08:53.329 --> 01:08:53.659
Really?

01:08:53.659 --> 01:08:55.420
If that's what you're focused on, you missed the show.

01:08:57.010 --> 01:08:57.300
Dr.

01:08:57.300 --> 01:08:57.600
Orman.

01:08:57.600 --> 01:08:59.850
Thank you for taking the time to hang out with us today.

01:08:59.850 --> 01:09:03.039
Thank you for your work in understanding anger.

01:09:03.395 --> 01:09:06.494
And how we can get our lives more in stack with that.

01:09:06.505 --> 01:09:13.864
Cause most the prison is filled with people who reacted in anger.

01:09:13.965 --> 01:09:18.194
Uh, it's one of our great weak points as men, we tend to flare up pretty good.

01:09:18.864 --> 01:09:22.534
So this, this is life changing work for a lot of us.

01:09:22.984 --> 01:09:25.074
So thank you for that guys.

01:09:25.765 --> 01:09:26.395
You heard it.

01:09:26.404 --> 01:09:27.114
He explained it.

01:09:27.125 --> 01:09:28.805
He gave you the keys to this.

01:09:29.484 --> 01:09:31.295
Now it's on you to do something with it.

01:09:32.965 --> 01:09:33.324
Dr.

01:09:33.324 --> 01:09:34.215
Orman and myself.

01:09:34.885 --> 01:09:35.824
Thanks for hanging out with us.

01:09:35.824 --> 01:09:38.204
Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you tomorrow.

01:09:38.335 --> 01:09:38.725
Excellent.

01:09:39.984 --> 01:09:48.475
This has been the fellow man podcast, your home for everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to subscribe.

01:09:48.475 --> 01:09:52.454
So you don't miss a show head over to www.

01:09:52.654 --> 01:09:52.944
thefallibleman.

01:09:54.135 --> 01:09:58.314
com for more content and get your own fallible man gear.