Welcome to the Fallible Nation!

Lead & Parent From the Heart: Build Lasting Family Connections

Join Juan Alvarado Jr. as he dives into effective leadership principles for strengthening family relationships. Drawing from his experience as a father and Gallup-certified strengths coach, Juan shares insights on leading from your natural talents an...

Join Juan Alvarado Jr. as he dives into effective leadership principles for strengthening family relationships. Drawing from his experience as a father and Gallup-certified strengths coach, Juan shares insights on leading from your natural talents and intentionally nurturing connections. Discover why extreme parenting styles fall short and how to take the middle ground. Learn to discipline through love, give your family voice, and transform home environments. See how identifying motivations and tailoring your approach can resolve tensions. Take away communication strategies and actionable tips for being more present - from making your spouse smile daily to planning regular date nights. Get perspective on seeing your kids' strengths and learning their love languages. Inspire your family by leading by example.

"If I'm not intentionally getting better, then I might be accidentally getting worse." - Juan Alvarado Jr

In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Embrace intentional living for a more fulfilling life.
  • Uncover the power of leveraging strengths in relationships.
  • Master effective leadership and parenting for lasting impact.
  • Cultivate a positive family environment for harmony and growth.
  • Learn to be present and mindful with your family for deeper connections.

My special guest is Juan Alvarado Jr

Juan Alvarado Jr, a former military serviceman and a passionate family man, brings a wealth of experience to the discussion on effective leadership and parenting. As a certified Gallup strengths coach, Juan's expertise lies in identifying and leveraging an individual's natural strengths. With a background in managing programs for youth and training staff, Juan has a unique insight into the dynamics of leadership and the significance of intentional action in family life. Through his own journey of growth and self-discovery, Juan shares valuable insights on how to cultivate stronger family connections and lead from a place of authenticity and purpose. His diverse experiences and dedication to personal and professional development make him a valuable voice in the realm of effective leadership and parenting.

The key moments in this episode are:
00:00:00 - Be Intentional with Love
00:01:10 - Introduction to the Fallible Man Podcast
00:01:47 - Getting to Know Juan Alvarado Jr
00:06:26 - Impactful Purchase and Family Fitness
00:09:18 - Overcoming Failure and Seeking Help
00:13:28 - Juan Alvarado's Story
00:14:29 - The Power of Intentionality
00:16:59 - Resolving Workplace Challenges
00:23:51 - Understanding Clifton Strengths
00:27:19 - The Importance of Empathy in Leadership
00:29:45 - Applying Strengths to Relationships
00:30:57 - Parenting from Two Extremes
00:31:13 - Establishing a Foundation for Family Relationships
00:37:01 - Honesty and Honor in Parenting
00:39:39 - Effective Communication with Children
00:42:44 - Leading in Marriage
00:49:54 - Prioritizing Marriage
00:51:47 - Applying Strengths to Relationships
00:52:38 - Being Intentional with Family
00:55:32 - Transforming the Temperature
00:59:45 - Future Plans and Events
01:01:39 - Be Intentional with Love

Guest Links:

Schedule with Juan

https://weraizethebar.kartra.com/calendar/bn2lIyzjBxdT

Juan's Website

https://weraizethebar.com/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/RaizeTheBarLLC

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/raizethebarceo/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/rtb-juan/

YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/@raizethebar

 

The Relevant Development Podcast

 

Transcript
1
00:00:00,230 --> 00:00:01,609
Man, be intentional.

2
00:00:02,450 --> 00:00:05,800
Be intentional, and I would
say, be intentional with love.

3
00:00:06,250 --> 00:00:09,249
Not only love your spouse and love
all your children, but love yourself.

4
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,809
I told somebody the other day, as
men, there's times where we can

5
00:00:12,809 --> 00:00:14,809
be, we can have an ego at times.

6
00:00:14,809 --> 00:00:17,820
We see somebody, a dude across the
room, and this guy's looking at me,

7
00:00:17,829 --> 00:00:19,650
kind of give him the what's up, like,
what the hell are you looking at?

8
00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:21,860
And it's like, alright, bro, bro,
what the hell are you looking at?

9
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:22,900
Like, this guy's got a problem.

10
00:00:23,259 --> 00:00:27,939
Like, if you can address a stranger
for something that you have no idea why

11
00:00:27,939 --> 00:00:30,460
he might be looking at you, whatever,
you just kind of have attitude.

12
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,045
Why are we not looking at
ourselves in the mirror and saying,

13
00:00:33,045 --> 00:00:34,055
bro, what are you looking at?

14
00:00:34,084 --> 00:00:35,474
Like, what, what can I do different?

15
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:43,055
Like love on yourself, be man enough
to love on yourself, love your spouse.

16
00:00:43,394 --> 00:00:44,805
And if you have kids,
love on your children.

17
00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:45,415
Yeah.

18
00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,795
So be, take time to be intentional.

19
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Here's the million dollar question.

20
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How do men like us reach our full
potential, growing to the men we

21
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:02,635
dream of being, while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

22
00:01:02,975 --> 00:01:06,255
being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

23
00:01:07,390 --> 00:01:10,480
Well, that's the big
question in this podcast.

24
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,540
We'll help you answer
those questions and more.

25
00:01:12,770 --> 00:01:16,172
My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

26
00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:21,820
The Fallible Man Podcast, your home for
all things, man, husband, and father.

27
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Big shout out to Fallible Nation.

28
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A warm welcome to our
first time listeners.

29
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My name is Brent and I want to read you a
quote before we introduce our guest today.

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Goes, I don't sugarcoat things.

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My job isn't to make you happy.

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My job is to make you better.

33
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Your happiness will be a
result of becoming better.

34
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Gentlemen.

35
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Today, my guest speaker is keynote
speaker, leadership trainer,

36
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podcast host, Juan Alvarado.

37
00:01:46,979 --> 00:01:49,150
Juan, welcome to the fallible man podcast.

38
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Thank you so much for having
me in the honors mind.

39
00:01:53,059 --> 00:01:57,410
Well, and I read that quote in
your, in your bio introduction page.

40
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And I was like, Okay.

41
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Yeah.

42
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We, we got to sync up.

43
00:02:00,405 --> 00:02:00,744
Yeah.

44
00:02:02,074 --> 00:02:04,115
You and I are going to
get along just fine.

45
00:02:05,095 --> 00:02:06,515
You're on the right place for that.

46
00:02:06,524 --> 00:02:10,834
Now, one, we like to start
things a little light.

47
00:02:10,845 --> 00:02:12,084
So how's your trivia?

48
00:02:13,854 --> 00:02:14,114
Oof.

49
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:17,454
Mediocre at best.

50
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Fair enough.

51
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Fair enough.

52
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Here we go.

53
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Trivia question of the show.

54
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:28,244
What country ranks first in
cereal consumption per capita?

55
00:02:28,674 --> 00:02:29,804
Is it the USA?

56
00:02:30,394 --> 00:02:33,124
Italy, Ireland, or the Philippines?

57
00:02:34,575 --> 00:02:35,865
I would think it'd be the USA.

58
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Okay.

59
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Now guys, you know, the story don't cheat.

60
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Don't go ahead to the end, make
your guess, write it down, whatever.

61
00:02:42,034 --> 00:02:42,945
Remember, don't write it down.

62
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,374
If you're driving, just
remember what your guess is.

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We'll come back to that later.

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One, the first question I
always ask my guests, because

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I don't read accolades, right?

66
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That just doesn't tell people who you are.

67
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So today, right now, in your
own words, who is Juan Alvarado?

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Oh, man.

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I am a person who strives to become
better, not just for myself, but

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for my, my boys and my wife, someone
that will execute, but never settle.

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00:03:17,359 --> 00:03:24,680
Buddy who is, has the heart of a lion,
but also has the heart of a loving father.

72
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And You're right.

73
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Yeah, yeah, I can keep on going with,
you know, I want to essentially go

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through the Accolades of like army
war veteran and ex police officer and

75
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you know teacher trainer and all kinds
of other stuff But when it comes down

76
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I strive to be my best For my family
not to my family before my family now

77
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Well, I'm sorry, you guys, if I, you
heard me throw him off a little bit.

78
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I'm playing with a new platform.

79
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So that's my fault.

80
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I'm making this overly complicated.

81
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Cause I don't have Sarah, I'm
telling you how to do it right.

82
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:03,710
This is what happens when
my wife is not with me.

83
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Usually Sarah engineers in the
background and pushes buttons.

84
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:07,790
I don't think about it.

85
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When I get to play with
it, I screw things up.

86
00:04:11,030 --> 00:04:14,720
Well, what's a funny story your family
tells about you that you'd like to share?

87
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Oh man, a funny story.

88
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Shoot.

89
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There's probably a whole bunch.

90
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If my sisters were here, they
would, they would probably, um,

91
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laugh at and be able to say.

92
00:04:26,865 --> 00:04:28,465
Um, I'll say this.

93
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My parents went out.

94
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My parents hardly went out for for
dates and there was a night that they

95
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went out on a date and I was with
my dad watching my dad get ready.

96
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I was probably four or five years old
and I was watching him get ready and

97
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shave and put on a tie and like they
would just, you know, get dressed

98
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to the nines and so like got ready.

99
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They left.

100
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We're watching TV, me and my sisters
and then I decide to go use the restroom

101
00:04:52,945 --> 00:04:57,395
where my dad was at and I When I
used the restroom, I washed my hands

102
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and on the sink was this shiny thing
that I saw him use to shave his face.

103
00:05:02,034 --> 00:05:08,405
So I decide I'm gonna go shave my
face and come back thinking I was

104
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:12,364
a new man and my sister looks at
me with these big old huge eyes.

105
00:05:12,365 --> 00:05:14,384
It was like, what did you do?

106
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And I'm like, what?

107
00:05:15,435 --> 00:05:16,825
And she's like, did you see your face?

108
00:05:16,844 --> 00:05:24,034
And I had a beard of blood on my face
and I'm like not even freaking out.

109
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Like, what are you talking about?

110
00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:29,585
And she gets me and I'm not old enough
to or tall enough to see the mirror over

111
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the sink and so she lifts me up and I see
my Face and immediately see the blood and

112
00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:40,025
start to cry and bawl my eyes out and my
sister I just remember her pacing back

113
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:42,104
and forth like what the heck are we gonna
tell mom and dad what are we gonna tell

114
00:05:42,105 --> 00:05:46,935
mom And dad and yeah Swore to myself that
I would never shave again and then lo and

115
00:05:46,935 --> 00:05:50,945
behold end up joining the military where I
had to shave my Face every single day, but

116
00:05:51,395 --> 00:05:55,710
that's the best thing I can come up with
from the from my memory right now Right.

117
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They're never around, right.

118
00:05:57,030 --> 00:05:58,710
To tell that story when you want them to.

119
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Yeah.

120
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:04,510
What's one just absurdly
weird fact about you?

121
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,330
Oh man, I don't know necessarily
if it would be weird, but

122
00:06:10,339 --> 00:06:12,730
I've met four US presidents.

123
00:06:12,809 --> 00:06:13,250
Okay.

124
00:06:14,109 --> 00:06:14,950
That's very cool.

125
00:06:16,039 --> 00:06:17,409
Not many people can say that.

126
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:18,430
Yeah.

127
00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:22,995
What purchase of 100 or less have
you made in the last year that's

128
00:06:22,995 --> 00:06:24,335
had the biggest impact on your life?

129
00:06:26,425 --> 00:06:28,855
Yo, uh, let's see.

130
00:06:30,585 --> 00:06:34,365
Geez, man, I don't know.

131
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Biggest impact on my life?

132
00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:37,595
I got something.

133
00:06:37,595 --> 00:06:40,754
So my boys are in football,
basketball, and track.

134
00:06:40,795 --> 00:06:44,514
And we bought like exercise
rubber bands and stuff.

135
00:06:44,924 --> 00:06:47,784
And there's times where I'll come
home, and my boys, there's times where

136
00:06:47,784 --> 00:06:49,635
they're totally focused, and then
there's times where they're totally

137
00:06:49,635 --> 00:06:50,914
lazy, like they're teenagers, right?

138
00:06:51,675 --> 00:06:55,174
But it's cool because, um, there's
times where my boys will get the,

139
00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:57,365
the bag of rubber bands, and they're
like, they'll throw them at me, and

140
00:06:57,365 --> 00:06:58,255
they're like, let's go work out.

141
00:06:59,414 --> 00:07:00,194
Who are you?

142
00:07:01,914 --> 00:07:02,854
What got into you?

143
00:07:02,884 --> 00:07:03,395
Like, what the heck?

144
00:07:03,404 --> 00:07:06,604
And so, and there's times where I've
come home, and they're fully on working

145
00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:10,374
out, which is cool because, it's
kind of let me know that I'm doing a

146
00:07:10,374 --> 00:07:13,054
pretty good job, where they're working
out because they want to get better.

147
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I like it.

148
00:07:14,734 --> 00:07:15,174
I like it.

149
00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:17,004
I'm, I'm big into working out, so.

150
00:07:18,065 --> 00:07:20,594
It's always good to see your
kids want to move along with

151
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that and follow the example.

152
00:07:23,885 --> 00:07:24,095
For sure.

153
00:07:24,105 --> 00:07:24,804
How old are your boys?

154
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15, 14, and 11.

155
00:07:29,705 --> 00:07:31,325
Okay, so you have your
hands full right now.

156
00:07:32,024 --> 00:07:33,384
Yeah, for sure do.

157
00:07:33,385 --> 00:07:33,775
Okay.

158
00:07:34,804 --> 00:07:40,124
What is an insult or something,
somebody insulted you that you

159
00:07:40,124 --> 00:07:41,374
received that you're actually proud of?

160
00:07:42,525 --> 00:07:52,645
I had somebody say, man, I can't remember
how they said it, but I'm a, I'm a, A

161
00:07:52,645 --> 00:07:58,985
war veteran and somebody called me, um,
well one a liar wasn't like proud of

162
00:07:59,105 --> 00:08:04,395
that because I'm, I'm not, but basically
said that I love my country too much.

163
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:10,215
And I was like, I don't know how, I
mean, I wanted to survive and I wanted to

164
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come back if that's what you, if that's
what you mean by loving your country.

165
00:08:13,115 --> 00:08:17,255
I had a, I had a, it's a United States
flag on the front and on the back.

166
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It basically says when you disrespect
the flag, you disrespect the people

167
00:08:20,015 --> 00:08:21,535
who fought for, for our country.

168
00:08:22,780 --> 00:08:27,540
I can hear them talking in the
background and I'm pretty proud of

169
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:33,729
doing what I did overseas that did have
some issues in, in stuff in the long

170
00:08:33,729 --> 00:08:35,400
run, like PTSD and stuff like that.

171
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:35,870
Absolutely.

172
00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:37,310
But I don't know that I
would take anything back.

173
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:38,280
What branch were you in?

174
00:08:38,789 --> 00:08:39,210
Army.

175
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:39,539
Army.

176
00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:46,079
Of course, then there's the ever loving
inner branch teasing that goes on, right?

177
00:08:46,329 --> 00:08:47,310
Yo, for sure.

178
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:47,840
For sure.

179
00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:48,260
Yes.

180
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:52,000
What, what would be, what would
be military guys and, and, and

181
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,199
women getting together without
a little bit of a trash talk?

182
00:08:54,230 --> 00:08:57,460
I've got a cousin that was a Marine,
a brother who was in the Navy

183
00:08:57,810 --> 00:08:59,890
and two brothers who were in the
Army and I was in the Air Force.

184
00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,180
So it gets really fun.

185
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:03,700
Oh, Oh, I bet.

186
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:04,360
I bet.

187
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,920
There's a lot of trash talking.

188
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:07,780
For sure.

189
00:09:08,540 --> 00:09:11,160
I would love to be a fly on the
wall during those conversations.

190
00:09:11,875 --> 00:09:15,945
What is your biggest failure and what
did you learn from that experience?

191
00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:22,614
Oh man, I would say one of my
biggest failures getting serious

192
00:09:22,614 --> 00:09:29,775
a little bit was not going to get
help through the VA fast enough.

193
00:09:30,574 --> 00:09:32,684
I always thought that nothing
was the matter, right?

194
00:09:32,684 --> 00:09:36,105
And not wanting to kind of speak
into existence that I had PTSD and

195
00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:37,145
depression and stuff like that.

196
00:09:37,405 --> 00:09:39,195
And like, no, I can, I can do this alone.

197
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:45,855
And, which was funny because then you end
up finding out and, and reminiscing of,

198
00:09:46,215 --> 00:09:47,585
you've never done anything by yourself.

199
00:09:47,585 --> 00:09:50,815
You might have thought that you
could do it by yourself, but you

200
00:09:50,815 --> 00:09:55,244
were in the military, you had battle
buddies, and you went and you had

201
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:57,605
a group of men that you were with.

202
00:09:58,094 --> 00:09:59,165
You never went out alone.

203
00:09:59,264 --> 00:10:01,915
You always, like, you've always
done stuff with other people.

204
00:10:01,915 --> 00:10:03,655
What makes you think that
you can do this by yourself?

205
00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:05,714
And I think that was a big, big mistake.

206
00:10:05,714 --> 00:10:09,765
And my wife and I, I tell
people, I can count on one hand.

207
00:10:10,245 --> 00:10:12,665
And still have fingers left over
how many times my wife and I have

208
00:10:12,665 --> 00:10:18,185
argued, like really bad arguments
and this time was one of them and I

209
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:21,394
remember her yelling at me and saying,
I just want you to go get help.

210
00:10:21,715 --> 00:10:24,355
If you can fight for everybody
else and you can fight for us.

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00:10:25,264 --> 00:10:30,254
And that was like the huge, like,
swallow a pill sideways, slowly down

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00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,774
your throat kind of, kind of feeling.

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00:10:32,255 --> 00:10:38,234
And I'm glad that those incidents
have happened because then it pushed

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00:10:38,234 --> 00:10:40,564
me to kind of where I am today.

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00:10:40,844 --> 00:10:43,654
Oh man, like, I, I can feel
the swallow on that one.

216
00:10:44,004 --> 00:10:48,485
Oh wow, that's One of the most profound
things a wife could throw at you.

217
00:10:48,625 --> 00:10:49,875
That's, oh, for sure.

218
00:10:50,095 --> 00:10:52,635
It sounds like you did very
well in that department.

219
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,185
She's an amazing woman, obviously.

220
00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:58,085
She can, she can push back
when she needs to push back.

221
00:10:58,234 --> 00:11:00,114
That's, that's a very valuable trait.

222
00:11:00,574 --> 00:11:02,115
And she doesn't very often.

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00:11:02,275 --> 00:11:05,294
And during one of those times I
told her like, I'm glad that you

224
00:11:05,294 --> 00:11:08,584
said as much as I told you to
drop, drop it, drop it, drop it.

225
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:10,115
Like you pushed, you pushed, you pushed.

226
00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:13,704
And at that time I didn't want
it, but I know that I needed it.

227
00:11:15,944 --> 00:11:19,704
Amazing how the right partner makes
a huge, huge difference in life.

228
00:11:19,704 --> 00:11:20,074
Isn't it?

229
00:11:20,745 --> 00:11:21,175
Yep.

230
00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:22,115
Yeah, for sure.

231
00:11:22,565 --> 00:11:25,685
What's something everyone should
know about you before we dig into

232
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:29,004
the day show that I'm not perfect.

233
00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:32,484
However, I would say
that I don't know a lot.

234
00:11:32,495 --> 00:11:35,685
Um, but I know a lot about a little,
like, I don't know everything, but

235
00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:39,015
I know a lot about a little, when
it comes to, you know, my parenting

236
00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:42,375
and my marriage and my, my personal
and professional development, like.

237
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:47,740
I've in a good way sold out in a sense of
like, I want to be the best that I can be.

238
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,520
So let me get the right people around
me, read the right books, go to the

239
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:54,890
seminars, do everything that I can
because I don't know everything.

240
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,589
I do know a lot about a little.

241
00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:57,390
A lot about a little?

242
00:11:58,069 --> 00:11:58,949
That's a good place to start.

243
00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:03,309
Guys, we've been getting to know
Juan just a little bit and finding

244
00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,030
out who he is and what he's about.

245
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:08,170
In the next part of the show, we're going
to dive into Juan's story a little more.

246
00:12:08,474 --> 00:12:10,714
And explore the concept of
leading from your strengths.

247
00:12:11,155 --> 00:12:12,574
We're going to go to
our sponsor right now.

248
00:12:12,574 --> 00:12:14,375
And we'll be right back with
more from one on a Brado.

249
00:12:15,185 --> 00:12:17,885
Now, before we go any further,
I wanted to share with you guys.

250
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:22,165
I don't always tell you how
much I love doing my podcast.

251
00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:25,475
Like I passionately love what I'm doing.

252
00:12:25,975 --> 00:12:29,815
And one of the things that makes my
life better as a podcaster is to work

253
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:34,175
with a company like grow your show,
grow your show is a one stop podcast.

254
00:12:34,184 --> 00:12:34,774
Do it all.

255
00:12:35,075 --> 00:12:38,215
Now I use grow your show for my
marketing, but grow your shows,

256
00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:39,455
literally a one stop shop.

257
00:12:39,474 --> 00:12:41,805
You can record your episode
and just drop it off with them.

258
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:42,715
And they take it from there.

259
00:12:42,775 --> 00:12:43,665
It's amazing.

260
00:12:44,359 --> 00:12:48,030
If you are interested in picking
up podcasting as a hobby, or maybe

261
00:12:48,030 --> 00:12:51,089
you're looking to expand your business
and use podcasting in that aspect.

262
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,439
Talk to my friends over at Grow Your Show.

263
00:12:53,489 --> 00:12:54,519
Adam will take care of you.

264
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,430
I guarantee it.

265
00:12:55,819 --> 00:12:56,470
I trust him.

266
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,280
He's my friend.

267
00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:02,129
He's my business colleague, and I
wouldn't trust anybody else with my show.

268
00:13:02,609 --> 00:13:03,219
Guys, welcome back.

269
00:13:03,219 --> 00:13:05,200
In the first part of the show, we
spent some time just getting to

270
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,629
know who Juan is, what makes him
tick, what he's like a little bit.

271
00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:11,089
In this part of the show, we're
going to dive into Juan's story.

272
00:13:11,484 --> 00:13:15,214
And explore the concept of leading
from your spring strengths and

273
00:13:15,214 --> 00:13:16,625
talking about leading your family.

274
00:13:17,465 --> 00:13:21,744
Now, Juan, this is why I don't do one
of the other reasons I don't do big

275
00:13:21,744 --> 00:13:27,795
introductions because like that's a whole
separate thing than what got you here.

276
00:13:28,955 --> 00:13:34,615
So tell us the story behind Juan
Alvarado because you've served

277
00:13:34,615 --> 00:13:37,964
in the military, you're a family
man, you got a lot going on.

278
00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:39,265
How did we get here?

279
00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:42,255
Yeah.

280
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,495
So, so a couple different things.

281
00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:48,374
So you talked specifically about,
you know, strengths and one of the

282
00:13:48,384 --> 00:13:52,334
things in my, in my bio or that I,
I don't think, I don't know if that

283
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:55,974
I put it in, in this bio, but I'm
a Gallup certified strengths coach.

284
00:13:55,984 --> 00:13:59,714
Uh, Gallup has a, an assessment
called a Clifton strengths and it,

285
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:04,915
it brings out your, um, your natural
strengths in what makes you, you.

286
00:14:05,395 --> 00:14:10,145
And so at, in my nine to five, I worked
for a nonprofit with youth, which is just

287
00:14:10,145 --> 00:14:11,714
really passionate about, about youth.

288
00:14:12,235 --> 00:14:16,695
And their upbringing and I became
a director of, of programs for

289
00:14:16,695 --> 00:14:19,495
17 schools and 200 staff and
all kinds of different things.

290
00:14:19,495 --> 00:14:25,034
And I got a, uh, an evaluate, I get
evaluated by all 200 staff and, uh,

291
00:14:25,555 --> 00:14:29,165
I got 199 really good evaluations.

292
00:14:29,644 --> 00:14:32,765
I had one that was horrible and
it didn't sit right with me.

293
00:14:32,765 --> 00:14:35,835
I had my boss saying, and everyone else,
mentors and things like that saying.

294
00:14:36,905 --> 00:14:44,875
Bro, you have 199 above average, close
to all excellent evaluations, why

295
00:14:44,875 --> 00:14:47,284
are you getting bent over this one?

296
00:14:47,645 --> 00:14:52,694
And I'm like, because it's a relationship
thing, like I hire this person, I've

297
00:14:52,704 --> 00:14:57,704
been training this person, I've elevated
and, and, um, promoted this person.

298
00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:00,515
And now there's an issue and
I want to know why, like we

299
00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:01,635
were fine all the way through.

300
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:02,814
Why, why now?

301
00:15:02,824 --> 00:15:04,635
What, what am I not doing?

302
00:15:05,194 --> 00:15:08,245
And so it was not so necessary.

303
00:15:08,245 --> 00:15:11,645
I can get better, but I
wanted to be able to help her.

304
00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:19,344
And so I went and took the assessment
and then I got like Totally engaged in

305
00:15:19,344 --> 00:15:22,415
it wanted to learn more and I found out
that you can be a trainer So I started

306
00:15:22,415 --> 00:15:26,614
to train in it and then I started to
train all of our staff and my CEO and

307
00:15:26,614 --> 00:15:31,875
things like that Well, then another
organization asked me to speak and do a

308
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:35,785
training and then I started telling them
about strengths And then I started doing

309
00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:41,325
another thing Doing training and keynoting
and then I got paid for that and then

310
00:15:41,325 --> 00:15:45,075
all of a sudden I was like I can do this
I had somebody come up and tell me like

311
00:15:45,224 --> 00:15:48,940
you're a really good speaker and you can
training you motivated us I have a buddy

312
00:15:48,940 --> 00:15:50,600
who is looking for a keynote speaker.

313
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,900
Do you want to do the job?

314
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,130
He'll pay you like two grand.

315
00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:54,380
And I was like, sure.

316
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,500
And then the door started to open up.

317
00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,600
Can you train our staff?

318
00:15:58,610 --> 00:15:59,779
Can you talk at this place?

319
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:00,869
Can you come to this conference?

320
00:16:00,870 --> 00:16:06,839
And so I started speaking when my income
started to surpass my nine to five, I

321
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:11,439
went to my boss and I was like, y'all
need to give me a raise or you need to

322
00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:14,760
like uncuff me a little bit more so I
can do more within the organization.

323
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,760
And, uh, they're like, if you need
to walk, then go ahead and walk.

324
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,629
And so I did.

325
00:16:19,629 --> 00:16:24,050
And so now I get to travel and teach
people in the leadership space,

326
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:29,490
leadership, teamwork, team cohesion,
how to be intentional leaders.

327
00:16:29,750 --> 00:16:33,030
And that's kind of branched out into,
you know, coaching some other people.

328
00:16:33,030 --> 00:16:34,420
And how do you be an intentional father?

329
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:35,760
How do you be an intentional husband?

330
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:40,610
How do you work in your purpose, towards a
purpose, on purpose, uh, to become better?

331
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,300
And I use strengths in that
as well, um, that's kind of

332
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:45,110
like the advanced part of it.

333
00:16:45,690 --> 00:16:46,799
But yeah, this is where we are.

334
00:16:46,799 --> 00:16:50,399
It's, it's just a whole
bunch of intentionality.

335
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,719
If I'm not intentionally
getting better, then I might

336
00:16:54,719 --> 00:16:56,180
be accidentally getting worse.

337
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:58,959
Did you ever get it resolved with her?

338
00:16:59,490 --> 00:17:00,700
Or her, him, or him?

339
00:17:01,060 --> 00:17:02,660
One good, good.

340
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:03,480
Yeah.

341
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:04,010
Great.

342
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:04,530
Great.

343
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:05,339
Follow up question.

344
00:17:05,349 --> 00:17:09,020
We'd worked it out and she
made the comment at one point.

345
00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:10,819
This might be my last year here.

346
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,810
And so our CEO said, cool, we'll
walk you through the process.

347
00:17:14,210 --> 00:17:18,130
And so we walked her through the process
and we eventually let her, let her go.

348
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,890
We found, and I found, that just
because you're good at your job

349
00:17:22,950 --> 00:17:26,040
doesn't mean that you're gonna
be good in a leadership position.

350
00:17:26,050 --> 00:17:29,600
She was really good with, uh, but she
wasn't really good with adult staff.

351
00:17:30,129 --> 00:17:32,930
So she could pour into students,
she just couldn't pour into adults.

352
00:17:33,390 --> 00:17:35,580
And so we just had this, it was
just weird, we had like this

353
00:17:35,809 --> 00:17:39,950
rotation of staff coming in and
quitting or asking for a transfer.

354
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:42,330
And then we kind of found out
that the issue was more the

355
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:43,220
leadership, which was her.

356
00:17:43,220 --> 00:17:46,710
And so then I, I always ask
myself, if they're doing wrong,

357
00:17:46,719 --> 00:17:47,989
what am I, what am I doing?

358
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,800
That's always a question that I ask, like
even with my kids, when my kids, you know,

359
00:17:52,860 --> 00:17:58,359
talk back or have an issue at school or
whatever it is, I'm thinking, what did I

360
00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,190
do to make them think that that was okay?

361
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:05,540
So I, as a leader, it's always that
hard pill to swallow, but how do, how

362
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:10,160
can I take responsibility, even if I
have 1 percent in that situation, how

363
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,250
can I take 100 percent of that 1%?

364
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:15,010
And then how do I, how
do I get better in that?

365
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:18,770
And so I took some blame in that
or responsibility, I should say.

366
00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:23,240
In, in that, but yeah, we ended
up letting her go in the long run.

367
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:27,890
Blame, blame and responsibility
are, there's that thin line and it's

368
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:30,820
generally based on who's saying it, so.

369
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:32,610
Right, right.

370
00:18:33,010 --> 00:18:35,750
If it's a critic of you, it's, it's blame.

371
00:18:35,750 --> 00:18:39,050
If it's a fan, it's, you're
taking responsibility, so.

372
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:39,820
Right.

373
00:18:40,405 --> 00:18:42,285
That really careful, fine line.

374
00:18:42,774 --> 00:18:45,645
No, you're, you're also
a podcaster, right?

375
00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:49,905
So tell me about, is it the
relevant development podcast?

376
00:18:49,905 --> 00:18:50,834
Yeah.

377
00:18:51,014 --> 00:18:51,835
The relevant development.

378
00:18:52,235 --> 00:18:52,605
Yeah.

379
00:18:53,264 --> 00:18:53,534
Yeah.

380
00:18:53,865 --> 00:18:58,174
And it's funny because I went to, I
went to two seminars and I listened to

381
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:01,795
a couple of professional development
podcasts and professional development

382
00:19:01,855 --> 00:19:06,295
podcasts, and I remember saying like, I
spent 1200 bucks to go to this conference,

383
00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:08,965
or I spent 500 to go to this conference.

384
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:13,535
Saved up, you know, this money to
go and like there was nothing there.

385
00:19:13,535 --> 00:19:19,325
Like it was all Fluff it was like
motivation like you can motivate

386
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:23,465
somebody to go lift 300 pounds, but
once I get to the gym, guess what?

387
00:19:23,485 --> 00:19:26,195
They actually have to
lift the weight, right?

388
00:19:26,514 --> 00:19:30,555
So and then I can't go and lift
a weight and then you gain the

389
00:19:30,555 --> 00:19:32,095
muscle and the fitness from it.

390
00:19:32,095 --> 00:19:33,175
Like that's just not how it works.

391
00:19:33,175 --> 00:19:34,565
And so I would just get upset.

392
00:19:34,595 --> 00:19:41,214
I was like, I just want the
development piece to be relevant to me.

393
00:19:41,225 --> 00:19:44,545
And then I was like, Hey, that rhymed.

394
00:19:44,695 --> 00:19:46,165
And I was like, cool.

395
00:19:47,084 --> 00:19:51,154
I want to be able to put on a
podcast that I would have wanted.

396
00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:54,605
And so the relevant
development podcast came in.

397
00:19:54,605 --> 00:19:57,304
It's like, I want you to be
able to go to a place where

398
00:19:57,304 --> 00:19:59,925
your development is relevant.

399
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,204
And so, yeah, the podcast started
where we do everything personal

400
00:20:03,204 --> 00:20:04,184
and professional development.

401
00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:05,725
So there's times where I
talk to the leadership.

402
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,274
Managers and directors and CEOs.

403
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:12,895
And then there's times where I have
an employee viewpoint and, you know,

404
00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:15,875
kind of try to light the fire under the
employee, try to light the fire underneath

405
00:20:15,884 --> 00:20:17,564
the, underneath the boss, if you will.

406
00:20:17,775 --> 00:20:20,864
And then there's times it's like
where I see them as one where it's

407
00:20:20,864 --> 00:20:22,434
like, okay, how do I work on myself?

408
00:20:23,045 --> 00:20:25,054
And so, yeah, I have some
special guests on Wednesdays.

409
00:20:25,065 --> 00:20:27,325
And then on Mondays we
do like a Monday mindset.

410
00:20:27,325 --> 00:20:29,305
How do I get ready for
Monday or for the week?

411
00:20:29,774 --> 00:20:31,794
So there's, uh, we try to
put out two episodes a week.

412
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,385
How long you been doing it?

413
00:20:34,675 --> 00:20:40,475
More, more consistently this last
year, but off and on for two.

414
00:20:41,425 --> 00:20:45,965
So I think we're like 55 episodes
in, and I'm getting ready to end

415
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:47,785
season two and start season three.

416
00:20:47,905 --> 00:20:51,064
But I already have season three and
half of season four already recorded.

417
00:20:51,585 --> 00:20:53,154
So we're good to go.

418
00:20:53,175 --> 00:20:54,935
Well, hey, I mean you hit the big hurdle.

419
00:20:54,964 --> 00:20:59,535
Once you get past ten episodes,
it's like I've heard, I've heard

420
00:20:59,535 --> 00:21:03,585
that that's the, that's the,
that's one pivot point for people.

421
00:21:03,955 --> 00:21:05,045
It's either you make it or you don't.

422
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:07,650
It's like anything, right?

423
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:11,310
If you're not in it, you don't know
people who aren't in the podcasting

424
00:21:11,310 --> 00:21:13,290
space, like, Oh yeah, podcasting.

425
00:21:13,989 --> 00:21:14,179
Yeah.

426
00:21:14,179 --> 00:21:15,589
Most shows don't make about 10 episodes.

427
00:21:15,589 --> 00:21:20,209
So Hey, any show that makes it past
you're well on your way and 55 plus

428
00:21:20,249 --> 00:21:23,819
you get ready to start a new season
and great, but congratulations on that.

429
00:21:24,529 --> 00:21:24,749
Thank you.

430
00:21:24,770 --> 00:21:25,699
That's very cool.

431
00:21:26,659 --> 00:21:26,869
Now.

432
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,120
You talked a little bit about
leaning from your strengths.

433
00:21:30,150 --> 00:21:32,750
I didn't know Gallup did
anything other than a poll.

434
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:37,400
I read the word Gallup, I was like,
wait, those are the people who

435
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,260
do like polls and stuff, right?

436
00:21:39,639 --> 00:21:39,959
Yep.

437
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:43,550
So a lot of data, a lot of data,
a lot of, a lot of research

438
00:21:43,550 --> 00:21:45,080
behind those, those things.

439
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:47,609
People call them character assessments.

440
00:21:47,650 --> 00:21:51,850
I don't, I don't feel that it's, it's
like, cause you have like the four

441
00:21:51,850 --> 00:21:55,229
love languages, and then you have
like, there's colors and numbers and

442
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:56,759
enneagrams and all this other stuff.

443
00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,545
Uh, and then you have the DISC
assessment, which is up there.

444
00:22:00,155 --> 00:22:02,345
Myers Briggs assessment, that's up there.

445
00:22:02,685 --> 00:22:08,315
But the CliftonStrengths assessment
to me is, I've done all of them.

446
00:22:08,755 --> 00:22:11,004
This is on just a whole different level.

447
00:22:11,305 --> 00:22:15,355
And now they have, they have, they
have it for students or for kids.

448
00:22:15,745 --> 00:22:19,604
Uh, I think it's like ages 10 to 15 or 16.

449
00:22:19,685 --> 00:22:23,305
And then they have one for students
that's higher, like high school age.

450
00:22:23,665 --> 00:22:27,514
Uh, they have the assessment for
adults, 18 and older, and then they

451
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,945
just released strengths for leaders,
strengths for managers, and then

452
00:22:30,945 --> 00:22:32,705
strengths for those people in sales.

453
00:22:33,214 --> 00:22:33,434
Yeah.

454
00:22:33,434 --> 00:22:37,834
So it's, it's really cool to
help you not only in your like

455
00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:40,064
personal development, but in your
professional development as well.

456
00:22:40,334 --> 00:22:42,414
Are those like free on
their side or something?

457
00:22:43,385 --> 00:22:43,705
Yeah.

458
00:22:43,705 --> 00:22:44,645
I wish they were free.

459
00:22:44,645 --> 00:22:47,835
They, I think I want to say
the one for kids is like 9.

460
00:22:47,835 --> 00:22:47,949
99.

461
00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:50,050
The one for students I think is 19.

462
00:22:50,050 --> 00:22:50,990
99.

463
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,980
There's a top five, so you have your
top five strengths, I think that's 20.

464
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:57,470
And then your full report,
which is 34 strengths.

465
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,239
That report I think is like
49, 50, something like that.

466
00:23:01,239 --> 00:23:04,270
I was curious, like wow,
you're dropping some big names

467
00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,359
instead of those assessments.

468
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:08,219
It's like, hey, I want a free
place to take some of those.

469
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:08,558
Yeah.

470
00:23:08,558 --> 00:23:10,251
I wish it was free.

471
00:23:10,251 --> 00:23:14,010
It's not a cheap assessment
to take and have reviewed.

472
00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:19,530
So that's, yeah, I had no idea they did
that, honestly, like it all, the only

473
00:23:19,780 --> 00:23:24,160
point of reference I've ever had on Gallup
was I knew they did different surveys,

474
00:23:24,179 --> 00:23:29,320
polls kind of things and you hear around
election times, but otherwise, you

475
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:33,010
know, I know from doing research enough
that they do polls on other things.

476
00:23:33,010 --> 00:23:34,100
So I was like, Oh, okay.

477
00:23:34,270 --> 00:23:34,550
Right.

478
00:23:34,570 --> 00:23:35,450
They do polls.

479
00:23:35,450 --> 00:23:35,760
Cool.

480
00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,399
I didn't know they did the assessments.

481
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,180
That's very cool.

482
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,360
So you learn something
new every day, right?

483
00:23:42,230 --> 00:23:42,480
Yeah.

484
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:47,350
So you spent, you got certified
in leading for your strengths.

485
00:23:49,850 --> 00:23:51,679
Explain the concept, right?

486
00:23:51,889 --> 00:23:56,200
Cause a lot of people
scratching their head right now.

487
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,060
I know I was like, okay,
what does that exactly mean?

488
00:23:59,070 --> 00:23:59,460
What does that mean?

489
00:23:59,850 --> 00:24:00,380
Yeah.

490
00:24:00,950 --> 00:24:01,329
Yeah.

491
00:24:01,329 --> 00:24:07,120
So, so Don Clifton was the
person trying to figure out why

492
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,790
successful people are successful.

493
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:14,260
And he didn't want to do, cause
everybody was doing it from a like CEO,

494
00:24:14,290 --> 00:24:18,110
um, Forbes 100 type of like platform.

495
00:24:18,110 --> 00:24:19,580
How are those people successful?

496
00:24:19,940 --> 00:24:23,239
But his thought was, there's people
successful that do other things.

497
00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:26,469
There are successful teachers, there
are successful custodians, there

498
00:24:26,469 --> 00:24:28,660
are successful doctors and teachers.

499
00:24:28,660 --> 00:24:31,639
Like, how do we get all
these different professions?

500
00:24:31,639 --> 00:24:34,250
And so he went to and got and surveyed.

501
00:24:34,590 --> 00:24:39,060
All these different professions, all
these different classes, as far as like

502
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:43,690
low income, middle income, high income,
uh, from all different countries, all

503
00:24:43,699 --> 00:24:48,480
different age groups, males and females,
and then he said, Wow, everybody seems

504
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:55,870
to have these 34 different strengths,
but everybody uses a different top five.

505
00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:59,230
So everybody inside of us
have these 34 strengths.

506
00:24:59,989 --> 00:25:02,980
And they're, they're split
into four different domains.

507
00:25:02,989 --> 00:25:07,169
So executing strengths,
influencing strengths, relationship

508
00:25:07,179 --> 00:25:09,899
building strengths, and
strategic thinking strengths.

509
00:25:10,219 --> 00:25:15,100
And so all those 34 strengths are,
there's like, you know, 10 or 12 or

510
00:25:15,100 --> 00:25:17,469
whatever in, in each kind of domain.

511
00:25:18,459 --> 00:25:21,969
And, uh, they're very specific.

512
00:25:22,009 --> 00:25:25,650
So like my first one is strategic
thinking, and then I have responsibility,

513
00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:30,790
which is an executing theme, um, relator,
which is a relationship building theme.

514
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:33,790
Then I have, um.

515
00:25:34,210 --> 00:25:39,210
Achiever and activator, which are
another one is an executing theme.

516
00:25:39,210 --> 00:25:40,930
And then the other one
is an influencing theme.

517
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,260
And so I understand how my mind
works like strategic thinking.

518
00:25:45,310 --> 00:25:51,169
I'm it's the best way to think of
strategic, um, as a strength is think

519
00:25:51,170 --> 00:25:53,829
of a Rolodex and some people were
like, what the hell is a Rolodex?

520
00:25:54,180 --> 00:25:59,915
But just think of like a Rolodex,
um, Avenues of approach, right?

521
00:25:59,925 --> 00:26:02,245
How, how, how do we get
from point A to point B?

522
00:26:03,025 --> 00:26:06,205
And then your thought process in
milliseconds says we can go this

523
00:26:06,205 --> 00:26:07,325
way, this way, this way, this way.

524
00:26:07,694 --> 00:26:09,415
We can leave at this time, this
time, this time, this time.

525
00:26:09,415 --> 00:26:09,605
Oh!

526
00:26:09,665 --> 00:26:12,344
I got the best, I got the best
route that we can take, right?

527
00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,355
We have practice,
basketball practice here.

528
00:26:15,355 --> 00:26:17,485
And then we have, you know,
football practice over here.

529
00:26:17,485 --> 00:26:19,165
And then we gotta go
grocery shop, shopping.

530
00:26:19,165 --> 00:26:22,055
And we gotta do this, this, and
this all by whatever, 5 o'clock.

531
00:26:22,815 --> 00:26:25,315
I already have where we're
going, what we're doing, in which

532
00:26:25,335 --> 00:26:26,955
order in a matter of seconds.

533
00:26:27,005 --> 00:26:28,855
Because I've strategically thought it.

534
00:26:29,395 --> 00:26:32,065
through when other people are
probably thinking, well, we could

535
00:26:32,065 --> 00:26:34,405
do this or we could do that.

536
00:26:34,405 --> 00:26:38,674
So now when the family needs something,
babe, we had 10 things to do.

537
00:26:38,675 --> 00:26:39,195
What do we do?

538
00:26:39,235 --> 00:26:41,105
So my wife knows that's not my strength.

539
00:26:41,115 --> 00:26:41,725
That's his strength.

540
00:26:41,745 --> 00:26:43,345
Let me get him to, to do it.

541
00:26:43,345 --> 00:26:46,135
And we find this even
in workplaces, right?

542
00:26:46,565 --> 00:26:49,315
So on our, you know, Christmas
party committee, they're like,

543
00:26:49,315 --> 00:26:50,585
we need a strategic thinker.

544
00:26:50,764 --> 00:26:53,165
We need somebody who has this strength.

545
00:26:53,455 --> 00:26:55,014
So they like, there's a
strength called the includer.

546
00:26:55,735 --> 00:26:56,525
These people always.

547
00:26:57,029 --> 00:27:00,259
Hence, includer includes
people that I don't think of.

548
00:27:00,299 --> 00:27:01,440
I don't have that strength.

549
00:27:01,449 --> 00:27:03,259
It's actually like 32.

550
00:27:03,290 --> 00:27:05,120
So all the way down,
like it's almost dormant.

551
00:27:05,899 --> 00:27:08,300
And there's times where people are like,
how come you didn't invite so and so?

552
00:27:08,300 --> 00:27:10,220
I'm like, didn't know
they needed to be here.

553
00:27:11,109 --> 00:27:12,080
It's not my strength.

554
00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:17,389
So how do I on a team involve the
people who should be there in this

555
00:27:17,399 --> 00:27:19,600
meeting based on their strengths?

556
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,220
And I think a big thing about it too, is
like people always telling like bosses

557
00:27:23,220 --> 00:27:24,599
or employees need to have empathy.

558
00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:26,419
Empathy is one of those strengths.

559
00:27:27,385 --> 00:27:28,585
And not everybody has empathy.

560
00:27:28,585 --> 00:27:32,405
So how am I going to ask somebody
to be empathetic if they don't

561
00:27:32,405 --> 00:27:33,985
have this strength in them?

562
00:27:34,305 --> 00:27:39,335
They have to be able to utilize one of
their top five strengths like empathy.

563
00:27:39,335 --> 00:27:40,254
But what do you do?

564
00:27:40,265 --> 00:27:42,745
You can't request something of somebody
who doesn't have that strength.

565
00:27:42,745 --> 00:27:46,495
And so it really gets interesting
to figure out how do I become

566
00:27:46,495 --> 00:27:51,125
this person that I'm not so other
people can feel whatever safe or

567
00:27:51,125 --> 00:27:52,614
heard or understood or whatever.

568
00:27:52,975 --> 00:27:56,505
But a big, a big thing that
Gallup did with strengths is.

569
00:27:56,909 --> 00:27:58,080
They did a poll, right?

570
00:27:58,090 --> 00:27:59,199
Because that's what they're known for.

571
00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:04,610
51 percent of people who leave the
workplace leave because of their manager.

572
00:28:06,510 --> 00:28:11,779
So that tells us that leadership aren't
doing their job in their position.

573
00:28:11,780 --> 00:28:15,420
So how do we build up our
leaders so that good staff stay?

574
00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:21,370
And so then, what I've done with strengths
is, how do my wife and I have a really

575
00:28:21,370 --> 00:28:22,860
good relationship knowing her strengths?

576
00:28:23,290 --> 00:28:24,670
My boys have taken this assessment.

577
00:28:24,679 --> 00:28:26,000
How do I understand my boys?

578
00:28:26,020 --> 00:28:28,860
For anybody who have three or more.

579
00:28:29,540 --> 00:28:33,720
Children, we all have heard, and you
probably know this, and I don't know what

580
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,980
lineup you are in your, in the midst of
your siblings, but there's this, what

581
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,640
we call, middle child syndrome, right?

582
00:28:40,660 --> 00:28:43,989
Those are the people that we pray for
because they're weird and out there.

583
00:28:44,130 --> 00:28:44,820
I'm just kidding.

584
00:28:44,820 --> 00:28:49,090
So I, I just didn't, never knew how
to get in touch with my middle son.

585
00:28:49,804 --> 00:28:54,274
And after he took the strength assessment,
I'm like, this is why you do what you do.

586
00:28:54,685 --> 00:28:56,384
This is how I connect with you.

587
00:28:56,685 --> 00:29:00,184
And so it's really eye opening
to understand strengths, what

588
00:29:00,184 --> 00:29:00,915
everybody's strengths are.

589
00:29:00,915 --> 00:29:03,415
Because there's a reason why
we bump heads with each other.

590
00:29:03,924 --> 00:29:07,134
Because some things offend other
people and other things don't.

591
00:29:07,145 --> 00:29:09,305
Some people thrive in certain
things and other people don't.

592
00:29:09,875 --> 00:29:15,105
And so when you know like their
DNA in a sense of their character.

593
00:29:15,495 --> 00:29:19,035
Then you can speak their
language pretty much.

594
00:29:19,455 --> 00:29:20,115
Oh my goodness.

595
00:29:20,115 --> 00:29:21,665
You just opened a whole new Avenue for me.

596
00:29:21,665 --> 00:29:26,545
I, I actually like teach
relationship courses.

597
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:31,634
So that's, that's one of the things
I focus on is I'm good at helping

598
00:29:31,634 --> 00:29:33,084
people connect with relationships.

599
00:29:33,935 --> 00:29:36,705
And so that's one of the things
I do in my coaching is help with

600
00:29:36,705 --> 00:29:39,875
relationship coaching for men,
how to establish really real.

601
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,490
Authentic connections with the
people in their lives, right?

602
00:29:45,630 --> 00:29:47,730
This is just a whole, a
whole different direction.

603
00:29:47,730 --> 00:29:48,900
I haven't even gone with it yet.

604
00:29:48,910 --> 00:29:49,990
It's like, Oh my goodness.

605
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:50,990
Now I got to go learn all that.

606
00:29:51,020 --> 00:29:55,000
Cause Yo, it's to me, it's,
it's worth it for sure.

607
00:29:55,020 --> 00:29:55,550
It's worth it.

608
00:29:55,550 --> 00:29:56,700
I can totally see the value.

609
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:57,630
Just listening to you talk about it.

610
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:58,630
It's like, Oh my goodness.

611
00:29:58,630 --> 00:30:00,939
That's like, okay, that's
gotta be added now.

612
00:30:00,940 --> 00:30:02,429
I gotta, I gotta learn that stuff.

613
00:30:02,430 --> 00:30:03,629
For sure.

614
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:05,000
Yeah, that's very cool.

615
00:30:05,309 --> 00:30:08,749
And you applied it to your family
as well as to the professional

616
00:30:08,750 --> 00:30:10,129
world, which is very cool.

617
00:30:10,859 --> 00:30:14,230
I always like, I hear people talk
about things and then I ask them about

618
00:30:14,230 --> 00:30:16,490
their family and they're like, yeah.

619
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:19,820
Okay.

620
00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:25,010
Well, and I think it goes hand in
hand, how, how do my, if I can't lead

621
00:30:25,010 --> 00:30:27,630
myself, then how am I leading my family?

622
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:30,230
And if I can't lead my family, then
how am I leading people at work?

623
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:34,759
Or how can you lead people at
work, but not your family and

624
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,090
not your, and not yourself.

625
00:30:36,250 --> 00:30:38,659
And so, yeah, you just
have to be honest, right?

626
00:30:38,659 --> 00:30:41,830
There's a saying that says, how can you
lead yourself if you're lying to yourself?

627
00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:45,450
Like you need to be truthful in,
Hey, I'm not really good at this.

628
00:30:45,470 --> 00:30:48,400
And this is something that I need
to maybe dig in a little bit deeper

629
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,760
to find out or how, how can I become
a little bit better than this?

630
00:30:51,435 --> 00:30:54,215
And actually, this segues perfectly
to where I want to go, because I want

631
00:30:54,215 --> 00:30:58,625
to start talking a little more about
family and that relationship in family.

632
00:30:59,595 --> 00:31:04,965
You make an interesting statement about
parenting, and leaders and parents usually

633
00:31:04,965 --> 00:31:09,864
are done from two different extremes,
but we stay away from that middle ground.

634
00:31:10,875 --> 00:31:12,599
Can you share that idea
with us a little bit?

635
00:31:13,910 --> 00:31:20,260
Yeah, so growing up in a Mexican
household, both my parents grew up,

636
00:31:20,290 --> 00:31:26,050
um, born and raised in Mexico, came to
California, migrated over here, picked

637
00:31:26,050 --> 00:31:31,270
fruit up and down California, Washington,
Oregon, um, and they had a tough life,

638
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,890
physically abused, verbally abused.

639
00:31:34,515 --> 00:31:37,455
You were working if you could walk
you could work is basically what it

640
00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:41,195
what it was and so I learned very
young Right, if you can reach the

641
00:31:41,195 --> 00:31:42,745
sink, you're washing your dish, right?

642
00:31:43,045 --> 00:31:46,285
If you can push a lot more you're mowing
the lawn So there I am, you know six

643
00:31:46,285 --> 00:31:51,194
seven years old Pulling weeds and washing
dishes and stuff and when you complained

644
00:31:51,195 --> 00:31:55,595
you got smacked like that's just how it
was So there's that extreme right and

645
00:31:55,595 --> 00:31:59,495
then you have the other side where you
see that kid at you know Walmart or Target

646
00:31:59,495 --> 00:32:05,865
throwing a fit Screaming bloody murder
because they want a candy or a gum or a

647
00:32:05,865 --> 00:32:08,495
toy and the parent is like, just take it.

648
00:32:09,805 --> 00:32:14,615
Or, hey Johnny, we don't do that right
now and this is not how we, and it's like.

649
00:32:15,350 --> 00:32:19,400
Sometimes you need discipline and
you, and I try to tell people that

650
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,250
you can still discipline through love.

651
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:25,040
I never understood when my mom
used to say, uh, spanking you

652
00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:26,500
hurts me more than it hurts you.

653
00:32:27,450 --> 00:32:31,450
And I'm like, uh, did you feel
the wrath of the freaking belt

654
00:32:31,459 --> 00:32:32,789
you just put across my back?

655
00:32:32,789 --> 00:32:33,500
Like what the heck?

656
00:32:35,349 --> 00:32:39,310
I can admit that I spanked my
boys from a very short window of

657
00:32:39,330 --> 00:32:43,135
time where I realized, bro, if you
didn't like this, Then why are you

658
00:32:43,135 --> 00:32:45,845
doing this to your own kid, right?

659
00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:49,475
And it was like, you don't talk back,
and you don't do this, and, right?

660
00:32:49,475 --> 00:32:54,204
And so, there had to have been
a better way to go about it.

661
00:32:54,214 --> 00:32:59,275
And so, I immediately stopped
because I wanted to have a better

662
00:32:59,275 --> 00:33:01,625
relationship with my boys, right?

663
00:33:01,645 --> 00:33:07,555
And I knew that My relationship
with my mom wasn't great because of

664
00:33:07,555 --> 00:33:10,785
that piece, because of the verbal
piece, because of the physical piece.

665
00:33:10,785 --> 00:33:12,615
And so, and I love my mom.

666
00:33:12,695 --> 00:33:15,345
She lives right down the road
from me and I have her high school

667
00:33:15,345 --> 00:33:16,775
picture tattooed on my forearm.

668
00:33:17,194 --> 00:33:19,315
So it's not like we
have a bad relationship.

669
00:33:19,395 --> 00:33:21,234
Uh, she's one of the reasons
why I joined the military.

670
00:33:21,234 --> 00:33:21,865
I'll tell you that.

671
00:33:22,185 --> 00:33:23,125
I was like, I'm out of here.

672
00:33:23,125 --> 00:33:25,215
Peace out, sign it out of line 18.

673
00:33:25,235 --> 00:33:25,745
I'm gone.

674
00:33:27,185 --> 00:33:30,085
But when you boil it down, why
would I want my kids to leave me?

675
00:33:30,085 --> 00:33:33,425
Like we live in a society where
we've told people tell their

676
00:33:33,425 --> 00:33:35,885
kids, When you're 18, you're out.

677
00:33:36,395 --> 00:33:37,785
Why would we want to kick our kid?

678
00:33:37,805 --> 00:33:41,245
Like kids can't even barely tie
their shoes or feed themselves.

679
00:33:41,245 --> 00:33:42,775
And we're going to kick
our kids out at 18.

680
00:33:42,775 --> 00:33:48,895
If, and so I told my wife and she agrees,
like if my kid wants to stay with us past

681
00:33:48,975 --> 00:33:52,024
18 and they're not ready, that's okay.

682
00:33:52,065 --> 00:33:54,204
I get another year or two to.

683
00:33:54,565 --> 00:33:57,985
Instill in them how to become a
better man, how to, how to take care

684
00:33:57,985 --> 00:34:01,555
of themselves, how to take care of a
spouse, how to take care, like how to

685
00:34:01,565 --> 00:34:05,975
be better, but we all automatically
want to push our kids out at 18.

686
00:34:06,084 --> 00:34:07,115
I was a huge believer of that.

687
00:34:07,115 --> 00:34:09,844
And then I started to think of like,
maybe that's not the right thing.

688
00:34:09,844 --> 00:34:12,485
Like, why do we want to do that
as a society so they can learn?

689
00:34:12,995 --> 00:34:14,735
Well, who's best to teach them?

690
00:34:14,765 --> 00:34:17,695
Like, if your answer that other
people are going to teach them better

691
00:34:17,695 --> 00:34:20,325
than you, then maybe they should
be out of your house a lot quicker.

692
00:34:20,625 --> 00:34:23,195
Like the best, we should know
what's best for our Children.

693
00:34:23,465 --> 00:34:27,565
And if you're not the best leader
for your kids, then who is?

694
00:34:28,860 --> 00:34:32,660
And so, so there's these two extremes.

695
00:34:32,660 --> 00:34:35,060
I was like, why can't we do
something that's in the middle?

696
00:34:35,060 --> 00:34:37,610
And so yeah, do I raise
my voice at my boys?

697
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:38,240
Absolutely.

698
00:34:38,240 --> 00:34:41,190
But when I raise my voice, I do it
with purpose and intentionality.

699
00:34:41,720 --> 00:34:44,690
My son just the other day was saying
like, God, what the heck, man?

700
00:34:44,690 --> 00:34:46,249
Like he was just totally ticked off.

701
00:34:46,249 --> 00:34:46,939
And I said, what's the matter?

702
00:34:46,940 --> 00:34:48,600
And he was like, Freaking basketball.

703
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,290
Like something just feels off.

704
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:51,700
And so I said, yeah, let's
look at your numbers.

705
00:34:51,700 --> 00:34:53,040
He's only played four or five games.

706
00:34:53,090 --> 00:34:53,920
The season just started.

707
00:34:54,270 --> 00:34:55,160
He had eight games.

708
00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:59,870
He had eight points, four points,
two points, two points, one point.

709
00:35:00,660 --> 00:35:01,680
Those have been the games.

710
00:35:02,340 --> 00:35:03,850
He's like, why am I going down?

711
00:35:03,860 --> 00:35:05,770
And I said, what are you living for?

712
00:35:06,140 --> 00:35:07,430
And he's like, what do you mean?

713
00:35:07,460 --> 00:35:09,930
I said, did you have purpose today?

714
00:35:10,340 --> 00:35:12,480
Like you're playing basketball
just to play basketball.

715
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,299
Are you playing basketball to execute
on the things that you've just learned?

716
00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:19,980
And then I start to go, like, I asked
him about his day and he's like, I

717
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,310
kind of just let the day come to me.

718
00:35:21,310 --> 00:35:24,920
I'm like, so you're letting the day attack
you instead of you attacking your day.

719
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:26,860
And so we're doing this in
this motivational kind of talk.

720
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,060
And he knows me, right?

721
00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:28,570
I'm a speaker.

722
00:35:28,570 --> 00:35:29,420
Like, that's what I do.

723
00:35:29,570 --> 00:35:34,780
But I use things with
purpose and intentionality.

724
00:35:34,829 --> 00:35:36,190
When people say, go to your room.

725
00:35:36,595 --> 00:35:36,935
Right?

726
00:35:37,565 --> 00:35:39,145
Kids arguing or whatever.

727
00:35:39,145 --> 00:35:39,475
You know what?

728
00:35:39,475 --> 00:35:40,035
Go to your room.

729
00:35:40,595 --> 00:35:44,645
I tell my kids go to your room, but I
do it with purpose and intentionality.

730
00:35:45,185 --> 00:35:48,635
If I tell my sons, go to your room,
and we established this ahead of time.

731
00:35:49,995 --> 00:35:52,825
We had this perfect talk
when they were going through

732
00:35:52,825 --> 00:35:54,215
adolescence, 11, 12 years old.

733
00:35:54,215 --> 00:35:56,635
I said, listen, there's going to be
a point in the next couple of years.

734
00:35:57,240 --> 00:36:00,620
Where you are going to hate me and
they're like what like you're my hero

735
00:36:00,620 --> 00:36:04,200
and I'm like, yeah Wait till you get to
your teenage years You're gonna get to

736
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:08,930
a spot where you don't like me where I
don't know anything, you know, everything

737
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,590
You're gonna cuss at me in your head.

738
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,240
Don't let it come out of your mouth,
but you're gonna have these thoughts

739
00:36:13,755 --> 00:36:17,715
Of, dad's stupid, dad doesn't know what
he's talking about, you know, dad's

740
00:36:17,715 --> 00:36:20,735
this, dad's that, or mom or whatever.

741
00:36:21,745 --> 00:36:23,495
And I want to establish a foundation.

742
00:36:24,164 --> 00:36:27,115
If and when I ever tell you to
go to your room, what's good

743
00:36:27,115 --> 00:36:28,255
for you is also good for me.

744
00:36:28,655 --> 00:36:32,214
You go to your room and I, myself,
am going to go to my room too.

745
00:36:32,485 --> 00:36:36,965
And here's the reason why if we're in
the living room, the common area of

746
00:36:36,965 --> 00:36:43,615
most arguments, right, kitchen, living
room, dining area, that place should be

747
00:36:43,644 --> 00:36:46,245
should signify togetherness and family.

748
00:36:46,245 --> 00:36:51,335
We will not argue in a place that's
supposed to be a place where we break

749
00:36:51,344 --> 00:36:55,705
bread with each other, where we spend
time with each other and where we're

750
00:36:55,705 --> 00:36:57,565
supposed to have like family time.

751
00:36:58,140 --> 00:37:00,810
You go to your room and
I will go to my room.

752
00:37:00,810 --> 00:37:04,030
I'm not going to ask you to do something
that I'm not willing to do myself.

753
00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:07,279
So you go to your room, I
go to my room, and we chill.

754
00:37:07,310 --> 00:37:09,249
And we have that argument by ourselves.

755
00:37:09,250 --> 00:37:13,230
I'm sure we've all had an argument
with our spouse or a friend or someone.

756
00:37:13,230 --> 00:37:16,069
We're like, man, I should have said
this and I would have said this.

757
00:37:16,239 --> 00:37:18,989
And man, if we had this argument
again, I would have done this.

758
00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:22,400
You run through those things and you,
you start to ask yourself, what is the

759
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:23,720
message that I'm trying to get across?

760
00:37:25,910 --> 00:37:27,380
And you kind of wait it out.

761
00:37:28,100 --> 00:37:32,010
Things are never said correctly
in the spur of the moment.

762
00:37:32,750 --> 00:37:35,110
So, let that time go by.

763
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:35,979
We think it out.

764
00:37:35,980 --> 00:37:36,830
We talk it out.

765
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:38,860
I have to think, what's the
message that I want him to learn?

766
00:37:38,860 --> 00:37:40,549
I want him to understand.

767
00:37:40,820 --> 00:37:42,830
What's the lesson that he needs to learn?

768
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,359
Or that he wants to, he
wants to communicate?

769
00:37:47,030 --> 00:37:48,240
And then here's the next part.

770
00:37:48,290 --> 00:37:49,650
Is then I go to his room.

771
00:37:50,590 --> 00:37:53,810
Because His room is his
safety is his refuge.

772
00:37:53,900 --> 00:37:58,460
I'm sure when you want to go and
relax, you go on the couch or if you

773
00:37:58,460 --> 00:38:01,620
have a TV in your room or you have a
comfortable bed at the end of the day,

774
00:38:01,620 --> 00:38:03,979
you're like, I just, it's relaxing.

775
00:38:03,979 --> 00:38:05,899
Your room should be a place of rest.

776
00:38:06,350 --> 00:38:08,340
So that's why we go to
our respective rooms.

777
00:38:09,130 --> 00:38:13,530
But when I go to his room, that's
his safety place and I go into his

778
00:38:13,530 --> 00:38:15,190
territory where he feels comfortable.

779
00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:18,320
Because if I have this conversation
in the living room and there's still

780
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:22,000
a little bit of a grudge or an issue,
that's still the place of togetherness.

781
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,390
I don't want to taint
the area of togetherness.

782
00:38:25,790 --> 00:38:29,339
Because once I ever leave his room,
he's still going to be like, cool,

783
00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,179
bye, like, let me just chill for a bit.

784
00:38:31,179 --> 00:38:34,059
But he's still going to feel safe
in his room because that's his.

785
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,299
He has a sense of ownership there.

786
00:38:36,299 --> 00:38:39,370
So when I go to his room, I
tell him, I'm going to go and

787
00:38:39,370 --> 00:38:40,590
I'm going to lead by example.

788
00:38:41,220 --> 00:38:42,620
Let me take responsibility for me.

789
00:38:44,515 --> 00:38:46,915
I shouldn't have raised my voice or I
should have said this or should have

790
00:38:46,915 --> 00:38:50,955
said this or whatever, but right now
this is what I want or whatever I kind

791
00:38:50,955 --> 00:38:54,675
of take responsibility first, but then
I'm like, I want to hear your side of

792
00:38:54,675 --> 00:38:59,895
things because as a kid, my mom or dad
tell me, no, I don't wanna hear it.

793
00:39:00,284 --> 00:39:00,814
Where were you?

794
00:39:01,015 --> 00:39:01,854
I was with Michael.

795
00:39:01,854 --> 00:39:02,755
No, no, I don't wanna hear it.

796
00:39:02,755 --> 00:39:05,125
It's like, You just said,
you just asked me a question.

797
00:39:05,125 --> 00:39:06,855
Now you're telling me that
you want me to shut up.

798
00:39:06,865 --> 00:39:08,905
Like, I hated being cut off.

799
00:39:09,205 --> 00:39:13,475
So if I wanted a voice, then I
need to give my kid their voice.

800
00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:17,205
And so, I like, pretend I get a
mic, I'm like, test 1 2, test 1 2.

801
00:39:17,255 --> 00:39:19,355
Here, I want to know your heart.

802
00:39:19,365 --> 00:39:22,085
I want to know what you're
feeling, and be forward.

803
00:39:22,715 --> 00:39:26,415
Like, be honest, and honor me.

804
00:39:26,995 --> 00:39:30,895
We can still honor one another,
but in honor comes honesty.

805
00:39:31,315 --> 00:39:32,885
So I want my son to be honest.

806
00:39:33,345 --> 00:39:35,035
I'm okay with you using some language.

807
00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:39,065
You're not going to cuss, but if
you say, Bro, dad, this sucks.

808
00:39:39,115 --> 00:39:39,525
Say it.

809
00:39:39,705 --> 00:39:41,435
If you say, dude, dad, you pissed me off.

810
00:39:41,545 --> 00:39:41,915
Say it.

811
00:39:41,944 --> 00:39:43,625
Like, I want to hear your heart.

812
00:39:43,835 --> 00:39:46,434
There's no need for cussing,
because that doesn't do anything.

813
00:39:46,444 --> 00:39:49,925
But, if you need a way to explain
yourself, and you're using like,

814
00:39:50,194 --> 00:39:52,164
this is crappy, or whatever.

815
00:39:52,214 --> 00:39:52,524
Cool.

816
00:39:52,554 --> 00:39:53,144
You can do that.

817
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,580
But I want to understand you and
there's times where he's like, I

818
00:39:56,590 --> 00:39:57,960
think the punishment is too severe.

819
00:39:58,150 --> 00:39:58,750
I think it's dumb.

820
00:39:59,190 --> 00:39:59,500
Okay.

821
00:39:59,500 --> 00:39:59,840
Why?

822
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,920
Because when Lincoln, his
brother got in trouble, he only

823
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:04,230
got this, but I'm getting this.

824
00:40:04,230 --> 00:40:05,129
And so we talk it out.

825
00:40:05,130 --> 00:40:07,180
And I'm like, there's times where
I'm like, Oh shoot, you're right.

826
00:40:07,730 --> 00:40:09,200
There's times where
your kids will be right.

827
00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,339
And you will be wrong.

828
00:40:10,820 --> 00:40:13,090
And the biggest thing that we
can do as men or as parents

829
00:40:13,099 --> 00:40:13,850
is saying, that's my bad.

830
00:40:13,930 --> 00:40:14,410
I'm sorry.

831
00:40:14,410 --> 00:40:15,010
I apologize.

832
00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:19,260
And, but then we have the conversation,
but we, we also understand that

833
00:40:19,300 --> 00:40:22,060
when I parent, I'm parenting.

834
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:25,550
And the tool that's going
to be used is discipline.

835
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:28,250
But where we're going is relationships.

836
00:40:28,300 --> 00:40:32,160
I never want my relationship to be
tainted with my wife or my kids.

837
00:40:32,750 --> 00:40:36,389
So, the discipline might be, Hey,
you're gonna pull weeds tomorrow,

838
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:38,730
but you're doing it with me, and
we're gonna spend time together.

839
00:40:38,799 --> 00:40:39,099
Right?

840
00:40:39,259 --> 00:40:43,670
There's a discipline piece, but
it's headed towards relationships.

841
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:44,739
We're spending time together.

842
00:40:45,780 --> 00:40:46,309
You know what?

843
00:40:46,569 --> 00:40:47,809
You didn't get a workout in today?

844
00:40:47,810 --> 00:40:48,280
We're running.

845
00:40:48,530 --> 00:40:49,320
But I'm running with you.

846
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,420
But there's gonna be times
where I'll go with you.

847
00:40:52,420 --> 00:40:53,030
I ain't gonna run.

848
00:40:53,060 --> 00:40:54,390
Like, this is your punishment, not mine.

849
00:40:55,025 --> 00:40:56,975
However, I'm going to spend time
with you and then we'll probably

850
00:40:56,975 --> 00:40:58,815
get a bite to eat or whatever.

851
00:40:58,975 --> 00:41:01,685
Go grab a smoothie or whatever
and then we're going to talk.

852
00:41:02,195 --> 00:41:03,395
But there still has to be discipline.

853
00:41:03,395 --> 00:41:04,865
You can still discipline through love.

854
00:41:05,685 --> 00:41:09,025
But do what you do with
intentionality and purpose.

855
00:41:11,044 --> 00:41:15,005
Guys, we've been discussing Juan's story
a little bit and exploring the concept

856
00:41:15,014 --> 00:41:17,685
of leading from your strengths and how
that applies and talking about your

857
00:41:17,685 --> 00:41:19,425
family and working with your family.

858
00:41:20,095 --> 00:41:21,755
More importantly, leading your family.

859
00:41:22,545 --> 00:41:24,235
In the next part of the
show, we're going to dive in.

860
00:41:25,575 --> 00:41:29,085
One's just going to start walking us
through how we can effectively lead

861
00:41:29,315 --> 00:41:31,325
our families from our strengths.

862
00:41:32,105 --> 00:41:34,865
And maybe we've learned a little
bit about how to identify those.

863
00:41:34,874 --> 00:41:36,135
We're going to go into
that a little bit more.

864
00:41:36,135 --> 00:41:36,994
We're going to roll to our sponsor.

865
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,915
We'll be right back with
more from out on Alvarado.

866
00:41:39,355 --> 00:41:40,595
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867
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869
00:41:46,475 --> 00:41:47,745
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870
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882
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Now let's go on to the show.

883
00:42:20,425 --> 00:42:21,235
All right, guys, welcome back.

884
00:42:21,235 --> 00:42:23,545
And the last part of the show, we
were listening to a little bit of what

885
00:42:23,545 --> 00:42:25,494
Juan's story is and how he got here and.

886
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,730
Exploring this concept of leading
from your strengths and talking

887
00:42:28,730 --> 00:42:29,700
about leading your family.

888
00:42:30,100 --> 00:42:32,520
And this part of the show, we're
going to discuss how you can lead

889
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,800
your family in a positive way
without the extremes necessarily.

890
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:42,649
One, why don't we start right
in here with how do you parent

891
00:42:42,650 --> 00:42:44,280
or lead in your marriage?

892
00:42:44,805 --> 00:42:48,425
So, more lead in your marriage than
parent, probably not the right word.

893
00:42:49,245 --> 00:42:53,035
That is different than what you saw
growing up and what you see a lot of now.

894
00:42:54,625 --> 00:42:58,165
Yeah, so, growing up, I think I
mentioned it earlier that I never

895
00:42:58,165 --> 00:42:59,845
really saw my parents go, go out.

896
00:42:59,845 --> 00:43:03,434
We went out, if we went out to eat,
it was for birthdays only, right?

897
00:43:03,435 --> 00:43:04,809
Because we didn't grow up
with a whole lot of money.

898
00:43:05,500 --> 00:43:08,730
So we would only go out to eat for
birthdays and then my parents for like

899
00:43:08,730 --> 00:43:12,440
their anniversary and every once in a
while They would go on a marriage retreat.

900
00:43:12,540 --> 00:43:13,820
I remember seeing that as a kid.

901
00:43:15,110 --> 00:43:17,540
We didn't see a whole lot of affection.

902
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,999
I mean Saw them kiss every once in
a while, but nothing too nothing

903
00:43:21,999 --> 00:43:28,655
too big And I know that my wife and
I have a really good relationship

904
00:43:28,855 --> 00:43:29,725
for a couple of different reasons.

905
00:43:29,725 --> 00:43:33,115
I made a promise to her that I would make
her smile and laugh every single day.

906
00:43:33,814 --> 00:43:37,195
And the reason why that
was, it was two reasons.

907
00:43:37,234 --> 00:43:40,854
One, she had shared with me that she saw
her parents go through a lot of crap.

908
00:43:41,654 --> 00:43:46,415
And her parents almost, you know,
leaving each other and things like that.

909
00:43:46,415 --> 00:43:50,715
And so she saw that and that hurt
her that the man that she looked

910
00:43:50,735 --> 00:43:54,704
up to broke his wife's heart.

911
00:43:54,754 --> 00:43:55,605
You know, her mom's heart.

912
00:43:55,685 --> 00:43:58,440
And so I don't want her to feel that way.

913
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,860
Let that, let that be
her parents relationship.

914
00:44:01,860 --> 00:44:03,250
And her parents are still married.

915
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:03,890
They're great.

916
00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:04,870
They're hilarious.

917
00:44:05,150 --> 00:44:07,720
But during that time
was detrimental to her.

918
00:44:08,340 --> 00:44:12,290
And so knowing that I never want
to be able to do that to her.

919
00:44:12,970 --> 00:44:17,500
The other part being is being deployed
is I saw a lot of crap and I realized

920
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:20,580
that life is too precious and too short.

921
00:44:21,405 --> 00:44:26,575
To argue over some BS stuff or
to do anything negative, right?

922
00:44:26,575 --> 00:44:34,054
And so, I have learned that
women should submit or the wife

923
00:44:34,065 --> 00:44:35,345
should submit to the husband.

924
00:44:35,565 --> 00:44:39,605
However, the husband also needs to
submit and honor his wife as well.

925
00:44:40,225 --> 00:44:44,775
And so, when you look up the
word submit in biblical terms, it

926
00:44:44,775 --> 00:44:47,045
means to help or helper, right?

927
00:44:47,045 --> 00:44:49,935
So, how does my wife help me, right?

928
00:44:49,935 --> 00:44:52,465
So, don't get, people
don't, don't get sold on.

929
00:44:53,090 --> 00:44:56,430
The, the definition that you
think of the word submit, right?

930
00:44:56,430 --> 00:44:57,640
It's to, to help, right?

931
00:44:57,650 --> 00:44:58,110
It's a helper.

932
00:44:58,110 --> 00:45:01,240
So how does my wife help me to
be the best man that I can be?

933
00:45:01,730 --> 00:45:07,030
And, and I shouldn't say, and in return,
but also how do I help my wife become

934
00:45:07,030 --> 00:45:10,079
the best woman or the best wife and
the best mother that she could be?

935
00:45:10,550 --> 00:45:13,469
And, and some of that is happiness, right?

936
00:45:13,529 --> 00:45:18,830
How do I help my wife smile and
laugh and help, you know, help her.

937
00:45:18,830 --> 00:45:23,090
And so she's more of a coffee
drinker than I am, but I will make

938
00:45:23,100 --> 00:45:24,219
coffee for her in the morning.

939
00:45:24,750 --> 00:45:26,120
And I'll pour her a coffee.

940
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,120
She takes a, I think every
woman does this, like this

941
00:45:28,150 --> 00:45:29,820
big huge jug of like water.

942
00:45:30,190 --> 00:45:32,520
I don't know if you've ever seen
those like memes or like the videos

943
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,429
of like, when women get into the
car and it's like their bag and like

944
00:45:35,429 --> 00:45:36,649
all kinds of stuff into their car.

945
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:38,360
Uh, I help her to the car.

946
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,659
And because I work from home and do the
podcast and lead and do virtual stuff,

947
00:45:41,850 --> 00:45:45,410
um, she leaves for the day and I walk
her to her car, open up the garage door.

948
00:45:45,810 --> 00:45:49,800
I watch her back the car out and I, you
know, say I love you, blow her kisses.

949
00:45:49,810 --> 00:45:52,595
Sometimes where she's playing music
and the windows are down and I do a

950
00:45:52,595 --> 00:45:54,035
little shimmy, a little dance, right?

951
00:45:54,035 --> 00:45:57,335
While the garage door closes and I can
see her cracking up and flashing the

952
00:45:57,335 --> 00:45:59,615
headlights, you know, egging me on.

953
00:46:00,355 --> 00:46:01,515
And that's our dynamic.

954
00:46:01,735 --> 00:46:04,514
My job is to make her smile and laugh.

955
00:46:04,825 --> 00:46:07,584
To have her, so she could have a good day.

956
00:46:07,914 --> 00:46:11,554
She's an accountant for a school
district and so, if you've ever looked

957
00:46:11,555 --> 00:46:14,875
at spreadsheets and numbers, just looking
at a spreadsheet will stress you out.

958
00:46:15,325 --> 00:46:16,565
And she does that for a living.

959
00:46:16,885 --> 00:46:19,835
So, how do I put her in the best place?

960
00:46:20,455 --> 00:46:21,605
So she can perform better.

961
00:46:22,065 --> 00:46:24,875
And so I text, uh, things like that.

962
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:28,974
I had a buddy one time and just,
and I, I was teaching him and I

963
00:46:28,975 --> 00:46:33,865
taught myself, he was doing, uh,
some things that he shouldn't be

964
00:46:33,865 --> 00:46:34,914
doing outside of his marriage.

965
00:46:35,455 --> 00:46:38,884
And he was like, I just want
to text this other girl.

966
00:46:38,884 --> 00:46:40,075
And I said, what would you text her?

967
00:46:40,580 --> 00:46:43,680
So open up a blank text and
text her all the things that

968
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:44,640
you would want to text her.

969
00:46:45,180 --> 00:46:50,570
And I said, instead of sending it
to person X, send it to your wife.

970
00:46:52,149 --> 00:46:53,149
And he's like, why?

971
00:46:53,149 --> 00:46:54,470
I'm like, why wouldn't you?

972
00:46:55,740 --> 00:47:00,190
Why wouldn't you want to tell your
wife all those desires and fantasies

973
00:47:00,209 --> 00:47:01,989
and love you stuff to your wife?

974
00:47:02,799 --> 00:47:08,390
And so I started to think, why
aren't you sending really cool,

975
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:10,100
sexy messages to your wife?

976
00:47:10,775 --> 00:47:13,025
Like just open it up and just do it.

977
00:47:13,025 --> 00:47:14,965
So then I started to text
my wife little by little.

978
00:47:14,965 --> 00:47:19,235
And it's like, it is, I mean, if,
if I can get serious, I mean, we're,

979
00:47:19,465 --> 00:47:21,304
this is not a rated G podcast, right?

980
00:47:22,715 --> 00:47:25,625
But it, but it's like
foreplay can happen all day.

981
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:31,250
Like, tell her how sexy she is, tell her
how beautiful she is, tell her I can't

982
00:47:31,250 --> 00:47:35,589
wait till you come home, I'm making dinner
tonight, whatever it is, like, hey, do

983
00:47:35,590 --> 00:47:39,010
you, are you interested in a bath, running
water for a bath, when you get home?

984
00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:41,940
Why, why not do that stuff?

985
00:47:41,950 --> 00:47:44,129
And I was like, oh man, like,
I give this dude advice and I'm

986
00:47:44,129 --> 00:47:45,649
really giving myself advice.

987
00:47:46,075 --> 00:47:48,345
Um, but it's just, again, it
goes back to intentionality.

988
00:47:48,355 --> 00:47:53,545
If I want my life, my wife to love, to
love me more or put me in a position

989
00:47:53,545 --> 00:47:58,265
of power more than I also need to
give her power as well, I need to

990
00:47:58,464 --> 00:48:02,574
fill her up so she can then return
and give me that, that power as well.

991
00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:02,895
Right.

992
00:48:03,214 --> 00:48:07,395
And so I try to be a good parent.

993
00:48:07,615 --> 00:48:09,945
I try to be a good partner.

994
00:48:10,340 --> 00:48:14,910
I try to have good physical performance,
like go to the gym and, and, and work

995
00:48:14,910 --> 00:48:17,870
out and then be a provider, right?

996
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:18,720
How do I make that money?

997
00:48:18,720 --> 00:48:21,910
And if I can do those four things,
she's going to start looking

998
00:48:21,910 --> 00:48:23,129
at me a little bit differently.

999
00:48:23,250 --> 00:48:23,670
Right?

1000
00:48:24,070 --> 00:48:27,939
And so she loves when I go pick up
my boys from school or take them to

1001
00:48:27,939 --> 00:48:30,980
practice or pick them up or whatever,
help them with their homework.

1002
00:48:30,980 --> 00:48:33,690
She looks over and I'm, and
I'm working with my boys.

1003
00:48:33,690 --> 00:48:39,020
Like when you can do those four
Ps, that is, that's huge, right?

1004
00:48:39,030 --> 00:48:39,830
For, for her.

1005
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,760
And then knowing her strengths,
and then knowing her love language,

1006
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,390
because I wanted to know that too.

1007
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:52,319
Again, but just being positive in the
right direction and being purposeful.

1008
00:48:52,629 --> 00:48:55,110
And then, having intentional time.

1009
00:48:55,210 --> 00:48:57,560
I hate scheduling things.

1010
00:48:57,589 --> 00:49:00,150
I mean, I love scheduling things,
but I hate to do it when it

1011
00:49:00,150 --> 00:49:01,279
comes to our relationships.

1012
00:49:01,279 --> 00:49:03,370
Like, I know people that are
like, Alright, we're having sex

1013
00:49:03,370 --> 00:49:05,910
on a Tuesday, and next Wednesday,
I'm like, how do you do that?

1014
00:49:05,910 --> 00:49:07,219
That's weird to me.

1015
00:49:07,530 --> 00:49:09,550
Let it happen naturally or whatever.

1016
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,220
So I'm not saying that if you want to
do that, you could, we don't do that.

1017
00:49:14,100 --> 00:49:16,900
However, we might plan,
Hey, what is next next?

1018
00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:18,939
When can I go take you
lunch on next Wednesday?

1019
00:49:18,940 --> 00:49:21,359
Can I go pick you up for lunch
at work on next Wednesday?

1020
00:49:22,190 --> 00:49:25,909
When's our date for,
for the, for the month?

1021
00:49:25,909 --> 00:49:28,864
Like you should be going
out on a date monthly.

1022
00:49:29,525 --> 00:49:34,655
A little weekend get getaway, even if it's
down the street for a hotel quarterly and

1023
00:49:34,665 --> 00:49:36,065
yearly, you should be going on a vacation.

1024
00:49:36,065 --> 00:49:40,084
I know that might be tough for people
financially, but then you purposely save

1025
00:49:40,095 --> 00:49:46,195
or purposely sell stuff down, downgrade
your, your, your, uh, closet, if you will.

1026
00:49:46,195 --> 00:49:51,115
And, and go through it and sell
stuff or whatever your, your marriage

1027
00:49:51,115 --> 00:49:53,495
should be your priority big time.

1028
00:49:54,335 --> 00:49:56,275
It took me a long time to
figure out, like my wife and

1029
00:49:56,275 --> 00:49:57,735
I've been married for 22 years.

1030
00:49:58,410 --> 00:50:03,630
And we didn't actually start going
out on dates after the kids were

1031
00:50:03,630 --> 00:50:05,250
born until probably a year ago.

1032
00:50:06,990 --> 00:50:10,270
And then it was like,
what have we been doing?

1033
00:50:11,340 --> 00:50:13,270
Why were we not doing this before?

1034
00:50:14,170 --> 00:50:14,740
Right.

1035
00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:16,449
And, and be, and be cool with it.

1036
00:50:16,450 --> 00:50:19,710
Like you, like I started thinking,
what, what did I do when we were dating?

1037
00:50:20,030 --> 00:50:22,420
The buying the flowers or writing
the notes, leaving it on the car.

1038
00:50:22,420 --> 00:50:24,980
There's times where I've gotten
slapped on the wrist for this one.

1039
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,800
I'll go and like write her a note and
put it, put it in the car, like on

1040
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:29,450
her steering wheel or on her window.

1041
00:50:29,450 --> 00:50:29,709
And she's like.

1042
00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:31,045
That was so sweet.

1043
00:50:31,045 --> 00:50:33,505
But you came all the way over here
and we, we could have had lunch or you

1044
00:50:33,505 --> 00:50:36,475
didn't stop by and say, hi, I'm like,
I thought I was doing a cool, like

1045
00:50:36,475 --> 00:50:39,735
romantic thing by putting, you know,
the notes on the dash or whatever.

1046
00:50:39,765 --> 00:50:42,594
But, but what did you do when
you guys were first dating?

1047
00:50:42,594 --> 00:50:43,785
Like do that stuff.

1048
00:50:44,340 --> 00:50:46,040
You know, it doesn't always
have to be a movie where

1049
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,400
there's no conversation, right?

1050
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:48,130
Go to a dinner.

1051
00:50:48,430 --> 00:50:51,660
If you live in the same town where
you first met, take, like, go there.

1052
00:50:51,690 --> 00:50:54,889
Like, it just, just be, be different.

1053
00:50:55,010 --> 00:50:58,040
Be spontaneous, but do
it with purpose, right?

1054
00:50:59,439 --> 00:51:02,880
People, it's one of the things as men
we struggle with is understanding women,

1055
00:51:02,910 --> 00:51:07,900
women are a, right, I, I always laugh
about the old example someone told me one

1056
00:51:07,900 --> 00:51:10,155
time, like, Women are like diesel engines.

1057
00:51:10,165 --> 00:51:14,595
They take a long, long time
to warm up in there, man.

1058
00:51:14,595 --> 00:51:19,865
There was like, that's what
I look at that example.

1059
00:51:19,865 --> 00:51:24,065
Now that worked for my generation, but
some of these younger generations, like.

1060
00:51:25,195 --> 00:51:26,085
Diesel what?

1061
00:51:27,775 --> 00:51:28,905
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

1062
00:51:29,655 --> 00:51:31,595
Unless you drive a You mean
electric, electric cars.

1063
00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:35,365
Yeah, unless you drive a big truck, not
many people are driving diesel anymore.

1064
00:51:36,475 --> 00:51:36,985
That's funny.

1065
00:51:37,025 --> 00:51:41,204
Now, you apply this to your business,
you apply this with your wife,

1066
00:51:41,215 --> 00:51:43,264
you apply this with your kids.

1067
00:51:44,495 --> 00:51:47,194
How do we as men start moving this right?

1068
00:51:47,254 --> 00:51:50,625
Not, not all the guys who are listening
are going to be able to go to Gallup.

1069
00:51:50,635 --> 00:51:52,745
You said it's like 20
bucks for the five strings.

1070
00:51:52,745 --> 00:51:53,915
So that's a good place to start.

1071
00:51:55,500 --> 00:52:00,660
But how can we start getting
ourselves into this direction?

1072
00:52:00,910 --> 00:52:01,280
Right?

1073
00:52:01,290 --> 00:52:03,820
Cause this, this sounds like
there's a lot of value to this.

1074
00:52:03,820 --> 00:52:07,370
I'm, I'm hearing this, like I said,
now I got to go do some research

1075
00:52:07,659 --> 00:52:10,960
because I think this would add a
lot to my relationship coaching.

1076
00:52:11,549 --> 00:52:12,220
Um, for sure.

1077
00:52:12,220 --> 00:52:17,980
How do I go and dig into this to
apply it to myself and to my family?

1078
00:52:18,980 --> 00:52:21,130
If you do the strengths, the
strengths piece and people need

1079
00:52:21,130 --> 00:52:22,240
help with that, they can reach out.

1080
00:52:22,855 --> 00:52:26,115
There's a lot of stuff that you can see
online, uh, videos and stuff like that,

1081
00:52:26,115 --> 00:52:27,815
where it talks about those, those strings.

1082
00:52:27,815 --> 00:52:33,894
But I think what I'd want to give your,
your listeners is how to apply or do

1083
00:52:33,894 --> 00:52:36,445
things in a, in a more simple manner.

1084
00:52:36,445 --> 00:52:37,615
Like, Hey, I don't have the money.

1085
00:52:37,615 --> 00:52:38,865
I don't want to, I don't
want to buy that stuff.

1086
00:52:38,865 --> 00:52:40,324
I don't believe in that
stuff, whatever it is.

1087
00:52:40,995 --> 00:52:43,615
How can you be more intentional
with your, with your family?

1088
00:52:43,615 --> 00:52:44,805
I'll tell you a really quick story.

1089
00:52:45,155 --> 00:52:48,975
And then how you can apply this
stuff as a director of program.

1090
00:52:49,165 --> 00:52:52,015
I, you know, I was, you know, managing
and directing and always telling

1091
00:52:52,015 --> 00:52:53,225
people what to do and blah, blah, blah.

1092
00:52:53,225 --> 00:52:53,514
And so.

1093
00:52:54,080 --> 00:52:56,990
I was going through a really low
point in my life during this time.

1094
00:52:57,020 --> 00:53:00,990
And I remember going home and going
to the garage and you open up the

1095
00:53:00,990 --> 00:53:01,970
garage, it's the laundry room.

1096
00:53:01,970 --> 00:53:04,050
And then from the laundry room, it goes
into the living room and everything else.

1097
00:53:04,820 --> 00:53:05,840
And I can hear my kids playing.

1098
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,190
They're probably four or five at the time.

1099
00:53:07,190 --> 00:53:09,100
And they're, they're
playing, you know, cars.

1100
00:53:09,100 --> 00:53:13,919
You can hear like little, you know, hot
wheels, cars crashing and stuff like that.

1101
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:17,590
And then I can hear my wife talking
to her mom over the phone, pots

1102
00:53:17,590 --> 00:53:19,119
and pans, clanking and stuff.

1103
00:53:19,119 --> 00:53:21,849
And, uh, you can hear, yes,
mom, I know, I know, I know.

1104
00:53:21,850 --> 00:53:22,940
Yes, I will do that.

1105
00:53:22,940 --> 00:53:24,080
And I'll call you and blah, blah, blah.

1106
00:53:24,080 --> 00:53:27,230
And so I'm like, Ooh, do I really
want to walk into this situation?

1107
00:53:27,230 --> 00:53:27,980
Cause it's hectic.

1108
00:53:27,980 --> 00:53:31,900
I had a bad day at work and now
I'm coming into chaos and madness.

1109
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:33,380
And like, I don't, I
don't want to do this.

1110
00:53:34,150 --> 00:53:37,960
And so I'd go into the house, you know,
reluctantly and talking to my boys,

1111
00:53:37,970 --> 00:53:39,030
like, why do you have all these toys out?

1112
00:53:39,030 --> 00:53:40,120
Why are there toys in the hallway?

1113
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,829
Like, you're over here playing,
yet you have toys over here.

1114
00:53:42,829 --> 00:53:43,350
Like, pick them up.

1115
00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:46,390
And I'm thinking, after they're four
and five years old, like, they're

1116
00:53:46,390 --> 00:53:48,110
gonna be four and five years old.

1117
00:53:48,110 --> 00:53:49,519
Like, let them be four and five.

1118
00:53:49,890 --> 00:53:50,749
So I'm like, pick this up.

1119
00:53:50,750 --> 00:53:53,820
And I told you guys to pick
this up before I left for work.

1120
00:53:53,820 --> 00:53:55,860
And, you know, who's
mom on the phone with?

1121
00:53:55,870 --> 00:53:56,660
And they're like, grandma.

1122
00:53:56,660 --> 00:53:58,070
I'm like, dude, why are you being so loud?

1123
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:03,050
And so I'm barking directions,
like I bark directions at work.

1124
00:54:03,250 --> 00:54:06,250
And so, you know, I, I asked my
wife, like, how can I help you?

1125
00:54:06,250 --> 00:54:08,020
She's like, get the kids
ready for, for dinner.

1126
00:54:08,020 --> 00:54:09,550
And so I'm trying to get them washed up.

1127
00:54:10,919 --> 00:54:13,620
And for days upon days, this was life.

1128
00:54:14,030 --> 00:54:17,449
And I didn't want to come home at all.

1129
00:54:17,450 --> 00:54:20,330
And so I would start to work longer so I
wouldn't have to come home to this mess.

1130
00:54:21,385 --> 00:54:24,645
And one night I was tucking
my boys into, into bed.

1131
00:54:24,645 --> 00:54:28,395
And so I'm a, we're big believers
of taking them to bed and praying

1132
00:54:28,395 --> 00:54:29,375
for them when they go to bed.

1133
00:54:29,375 --> 00:54:32,275
And my younger son, man, he's awesome.

1134
00:54:32,285 --> 00:54:34,325
He's, his head hits the pillow.

1135
00:54:34,325 --> 00:54:36,134
Before his head hits the
pillow, he's snoring already.

1136
00:54:36,134 --> 00:54:37,745
I'm like, how do you fall asleep so fast?

1137
00:54:38,374 --> 00:54:41,665
Levi, on the other hand, my oldest, he
was like, dad, can I ask you a question?

1138
00:54:41,675 --> 00:54:42,645
And I'm like, oh, great.

1139
00:54:42,645 --> 00:54:43,165
Here we go.

1140
00:54:43,235 --> 00:54:45,105
Like, he's going to
try to milk staying up.

1141
00:54:45,365 --> 00:54:46,135
Can I get some water?

1142
00:54:46,135 --> 00:54:46,855
Can I go to the restroom?

1143
00:54:46,855 --> 00:54:48,375
And he says, are you a boss?

1144
00:54:48,405 --> 00:54:49,605
And I said, yeah, daddy's a boss.

1145
00:54:50,170 --> 00:54:52,280
And he goes, and you're the boss of us?

1146
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,700
And I'm like, yes, I'm the boss of you.

1147
00:54:54,940 --> 00:54:56,270
And you tell people what to do at work?

1148
00:54:56,280 --> 00:54:56,800
And I said yes.

1149
00:54:56,810 --> 00:54:58,270
And he goes, is mommy a boss?

1150
00:54:58,270 --> 00:54:59,600
And I'm like Yes.

1151
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:01,950
Is he, is she the boss of us?

1152
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:04,010
And I'm like, what are you getting at?

1153
00:55:04,020 --> 00:55:06,520
Like you, let's go, let's get to bed.

1154
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:08,769
And he's like, is mommy the boss of you?

1155
00:55:08,769 --> 00:55:12,800
I'm like, you better go to bed because
it's getting late and the boogeyman

1156
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:13,910
is going to come out of the closet.

1157
00:55:13,910 --> 00:55:15,880
If you're not careful,
like just go to bed.

1158
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:17,110
Like what is your point?

1159
00:55:17,810 --> 00:55:18,649
And he says.

1160
00:55:19,765 --> 00:55:21,835
So you're our boss and I'm
like, what do you mean?

1161
00:55:21,845 --> 00:55:24,685
And he's like because you tell us what
to do every day pick this up and pick

1162
00:55:24,685 --> 00:55:31,325
this up and pick this up and go here
go there and and uh, it hurt to hear

1163
00:55:31,325 --> 00:55:40,155
that that my son sees his dad as a boss
and not as his father and it killed me

1164
00:55:40,194 --> 00:55:49,580
to see that my five year old son who
Can't read at this point, sees his dad

1165
00:55:49,580 --> 00:55:52,480
as a boss and not as a daddy, right?

1166
00:55:52,540 --> 00:55:57,249
And so I was like, and I said,
no, listen, I'm your dad.

1167
00:55:57,249 --> 00:55:57,579
I'm your father.

1168
00:55:57,579 --> 00:55:59,619
I'm going to teach you how to
throw and how to catch and how

1169
00:55:59,619 --> 00:56:00,930
to run and do this and do that.

1170
00:56:00,930 --> 00:56:02,449
Like I'm here for you.

1171
00:56:02,449 --> 00:56:05,889
I'm here to be your teacher, your
mentor, to help you, to love you.

1172
00:56:06,279 --> 00:56:08,050
I'm not, I'm not your boss.

1173
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:11,530
And, um, gave him a kiss.

1174
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:12,760
And then I started to think like.

1175
00:56:13,465 --> 00:56:18,465
Man, why do you, why do you come home
with your director manager hat on?

1176
00:56:19,555 --> 00:56:23,095
And then this epiphany came over and
as I started to read, you know, my

1177
00:56:23,095 --> 00:56:26,395
Bible and I started to, you know,
learn some other things from other

1178
00:56:26,684 --> 00:56:28,265
mentors that I have that are fathers.

1179
00:56:28,805 --> 00:56:31,035
It came up with this
thing that I teach now.

1180
00:56:31,464 --> 00:56:36,285
How do we come into the, the
door, the office, the home?

1181
00:56:36,295 --> 00:56:38,605
How do we enter situations
with the right hat on?

1182
00:56:38,950 --> 00:56:41,750
A football player doesn't go onto the
field with a construction hat, right?

1183
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:45,310
A firefighter doesn't go in with
a baseball cap on into a fire.

1184
00:56:46,050 --> 00:56:48,450
If they were to do that, it
would look stupid and silly.

1185
00:56:48,450 --> 00:56:52,130
So how do we go in a situation
with the right hat on?

1186
00:56:52,140 --> 00:56:55,995
And as a father, Or as a man,
we have a father hat, a husband

1187
00:56:55,995 --> 00:56:58,525
hat, a boss hat, a podcaster hat.

1188
00:56:58,535 --> 00:57:02,664
Like we have to be able to get into the
right situation with the right hat on.

1189
00:57:02,664 --> 00:57:06,145
So how do we first, H, how
do we handle what we hear?

1190
00:57:06,815 --> 00:57:07,635
What am I hearing?

1191
00:57:07,635 --> 00:57:09,055
I'm hearing the boys
playing with the cars.

1192
00:57:10,674 --> 00:57:13,295
My wife is sound stress.

1193
00:57:13,295 --> 00:57:14,845
So how do I handle what I hear?

1194
00:57:15,355 --> 00:57:18,285
I'm going to go in, slide in on
the ground and, you know, play

1195
00:57:18,285 --> 00:57:19,695
cars with my, with my boys.

1196
00:57:19,705 --> 00:57:21,385
Like, okay, I'm this car, I'm this car.

1197
00:57:22,410 --> 00:57:27,060
Maybe I go to my wife first and take
the phone from her and say, you know.

1198
00:57:27,620 --> 00:57:28,690
Her mom's name is Frances.

1199
00:57:28,690 --> 00:57:29,680
We call her Franny.

1200
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:30,420
Hey, Franny, how you doing?

1201
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:31,210
I got it.

1202
00:57:31,620 --> 00:57:32,050
Finish.

1203
00:57:32,320 --> 00:57:35,340
Or how do I say, go to the
room, talk, I got dinner.

1204
00:57:35,590 --> 00:57:37,610
How do I handle what I hear?

1205
00:57:37,610 --> 00:57:41,269
How do I address a, uh, the
situation with the, how do I give

1206
00:57:41,270 --> 00:57:42,729
attention with the right attitude?

1207
00:57:43,065 --> 00:57:43,435
Right?

1208
00:57:44,045 --> 00:57:45,675
How do I go in being playful?

1209
00:57:45,685 --> 00:57:47,765
What do my boys want me to be?

1210
00:57:47,765 --> 00:57:48,845
They want me to be playful.

1211
00:57:48,845 --> 00:57:49,935
They want me to be loving.

1212
00:57:50,165 --> 00:57:51,115
They want me to be funny.

1213
00:57:51,115 --> 00:57:54,024
They want to be, you know, they want
me to be the whatever tickle monster

1214
00:57:54,025 --> 00:57:55,725
or the big Godzilla person or whatever.

1215
00:57:55,725 --> 00:57:59,804
Like, how do they, how do I give the
right attention with the right attitude?

1216
00:58:00,104 --> 00:58:01,829
Who does my wife need me to be?

1217
00:58:02,200 --> 00:58:03,180
She wants me to be helpful.

1218
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:05,080
She wants me to be comforter.

1219
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:08,000
She wants me to be, you know,
that, that parent with her.

1220
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:12,870
So how do I go and give her a kiss
and say, and help out that situation,

1221
00:58:12,870 --> 00:58:13,890
how to give the right attitude.

1222
00:58:14,340 --> 00:58:17,500
And then how do I T transform
the temperature, right?

1223
00:58:17,500 --> 00:58:20,860
I think it's John Maxwell that says,
are you, you can be like a thermometer.

1224
00:58:20,860 --> 00:58:21,780
You can be like a thermostat.

1225
00:58:21,780 --> 00:58:25,700
A thermometer tells you the
temperature where thermostat

1226
00:58:25,730 --> 00:58:27,610
changes the temperature, right?

1227
00:58:27,630 --> 00:58:28,890
So how do I change the temperature?

1228
00:58:28,910 --> 00:58:31,560
If things are getting a little
heated, how do I cool it down?

1229
00:58:32,750 --> 00:58:34,400
Are the noise levels up here?

1230
00:58:34,410 --> 00:58:36,680
How do I bring the noise level down here?

1231
00:58:36,980 --> 00:58:39,310
If people are stressed out,
how do I calm them down?

1232
00:58:39,610 --> 00:58:42,110
So in every situation is going
to call for a different hat.

1233
00:58:42,110 --> 00:58:42,500
So as.

1234
00:58:43,875 --> 00:58:49,295
Men, how do we go into our house, or
maybe we're writing up somebody at work.

1235
00:58:49,825 --> 00:58:51,955
Maybe we are coaching our kid.

1236
00:58:52,105 --> 00:58:53,654
Maybe we're mentoring our kid.

1237
00:58:53,655 --> 00:58:55,304
Maybe we're on a date with our wife.

1238
00:58:55,665 --> 00:59:00,164
How do I handle what I hear, give
attention with the right attitude, and

1239
00:59:00,165 --> 00:59:01,745
then how do I transform the temperature?

1240
00:59:01,754 --> 00:59:05,415
How do I go into the situation
that I just came from?

1241
00:59:05,575 --> 00:59:07,005
What hat do I need to take off?

1242
00:59:07,495 --> 00:59:11,115
And then how do I purposely think of
the hat that I need to wear before

1243
00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:12,975
I go into this next situation?

1244
00:59:13,864 --> 00:59:14,395
I love it.

1245
00:59:14,685 --> 00:59:15,185
I love it.

1246
00:59:16,410 --> 00:59:20,430
Juan, where do people find you?

1247
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:24,810
Yeah, so on Instagram it's raise the bar.

1248
00:59:24,810 --> 00:59:26,190
CEO raise with a Z.

1249
00:59:26,250 --> 00:59:28,200
So I have a, a company
called Raise the Bar.

1250
00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:29,930
And so raise with a Z.

1251
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:34,490
Uh, so raise the bar, CEO and then
website would be, we raise the bar.com.

1252
00:59:34,610 --> 00:59:38,330
Okay guys, of course, we'll have links
down below in the show notes to the

1253
00:59:38,330 --> 00:59:41,600
description, whatever platform you're
on, we'll make sure you can find one.

1254
00:59:41,930 --> 00:59:43,460
What's, what's next for one.

1255
00:59:45,060 --> 00:59:45,510
Wow.

1256
00:59:45,580 --> 00:59:49,290
So I know offline, we were talking
about an events that you put on.

1257
00:59:49,300 --> 00:59:50,590
I wanted to put on my own event.

1258
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,780
And so I'm putting on a in person event.

1259
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:56,790
It might go virtual, but we're
putting on a, an event for

1260
00:59:56,790 --> 00:59:59,149
how do we plan out our 2024?

1261
00:59:59,150 --> 01:00:02,820
So how do we become better for
our, in our family, our faith,

1262
01:00:02,839 --> 01:00:04,320
our future and our finances.

1263
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:08,160
And so it's just a personal
development, professional development

1264
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:09,550
kind of shop that we're doing.

1265
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:14,540
And I just wanted to be able to help
individuals become again, better and

1266
01:00:14,540 --> 01:00:15,890
intentional in everything that they do.

1267
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:18,430
So that's coming January 13th.

1268
01:00:18,460 --> 01:00:22,990
And then just trying to speak as much as
I can and help people as much as I can in,

1269
01:00:23,009 --> 01:00:26,370
uh, with raise the bar and at different
conferences that I've been going to.

1270
01:00:26,370 --> 01:00:27,829
So, uh, that's, that's it.

1271
01:00:27,829 --> 01:00:30,840
And then rocking the podcast, man,
helping out individuals as much as we can.

1272
01:00:31,250 --> 01:00:32,390
Guys, we'll have links.

1273
01:00:32,410 --> 01:00:34,230
If you want to like have one.

1274
01:00:34,995 --> 01:00:39,345
On your show or out to speak at your
event or work with him in these things.

1275
01:00:39,345 --> 01:00:42,125
We'll have a link for that as well, to
make sure that you can find him on that.

1276
01:00:43,145 --> 01:00:50,095
Now, one, I know you're dying to know what
country ranks first and zero per capita.

1277
01:00:51,184 --> 01:00:55,564
Now you said the USA has got to be the
USA options were USA, Italy, Ireland,

1278
01:00:55,634 --> 01:00:58,324
and Philippines, surprisingly per capita.

1279
01:00:58,935 --> 01:01:04,515
Ireland is number one in cereal,
cereal consumption per capita.

1280
01:01:04,635 --> 01:01:05,345
Wow.

1281
01:01:05,385 --> 01:01:05,775
Right.

1282
01:01:06,025 --> 01:01:07,534
Apparently they like their lucky charms.

1283
01:01:07,535 --> 01:01:07,914
I'm sure.

1284
01:01:08,415 --> 01:01:10,095
I'm going to go for that now.

1285
01:01:12,085 --> 01:01:13,184
I thought the same thing.

1286
01:01:13,184 --> 01:01:13,575
I'm sorry.

1287
01:01:13,575 --> 01:01:14,935
I thought the same thing.

1288
01:01:15,625 --> 01:01:17,115
Military guys don't have a privilege.

1289
01:01:17,425 --> 01:01:18,335
Yeah, yeah.

1290
01:01:18,575 --> 01:01:19,245
No filter.

1291
01:01:19,415 --> 01:01:21,635
Totally different,
different kind of humor.

1292
01:01:22,605 --> 01:01:23,415
Yeah, for sure.

1293
01:01:23,495 --> 01:01:26,504
Juan, thank you for taking the
time to be on the show today.

1294
01:01:26,505 --> 01:01:27,725
It's been a great conversation.

1295
01:01:27,805 --> 01:01:29,685
Now, I want to ask you this.

1296
01:01:30,185 --> 01:01:33,974
If our audience heard nothing else
you've said today, what do you want

1297
01:01:33,974 --> 01:01:36,574
them to hear as we wrap the show up?

1298
01:01:39,374 --> 01:01:40,764
Man, be intentional.

1299
01:01:41,604 --> 01:01:42,554
Be intentional.

1300
01:01:42,584 --> 01:01:45,044
And I would say, be intentional with love.

1301
01:01:45,404 --> 01:01:48,384
Not only love your spouse and love
on your children, but love yourself.

1302
01:01:49,045 --> 01:01:51,965
I told somebody the other day, as
men, there's times where we can

1303
01:01:51,965 --> 01:01:53,965
be, we can have an ego at times.

1304
01:01:53,965 --> 01:01:56,975
We see somebody, a dude across the
room, and this guy's looking at me,

1305
01:01:56,985 --> 01:01:58,785
kind of give him the what's up, like,
what the hell are you looking at?

1306
01:01:58,785 --> 01:02:01,015
And then it's like, alright, bro,
bro, what the hell are you looking at?

1307
01:02:01,015 --> 01:02:02,075
Like, this guy's got a problem.

1308
01:02:02,405 --> 01:02:07,084
Like, if you can address a stranger
for something that you have no idea why

1309
01:02:07,084 --> 01:02:09,624
he might be looking at you, whatever,
you just kind of have attitude.

1310
01:02:10,314 --> 01:02:12,195
Why are we not looking at
ourselves in the mirror and saying,

1311
01:02:12,195 --> 01:02:13,195
bro, what are you looking at?

1312
01:02:13,245 --> 01:02:14,615
Like, what, what can I do different?

1313
01:02:14,945 --> 01:02:16,845
Like, love on yourself.

1314
01:02:17,235 --> 01:02:22,895
Be man enough to love on yourself,
love your spouse, and if you

1315
01:02:22,895 --> 01:02:23,955
have kids, love on your children.

1316
01:02:24,285 --> 01:02:27,045
Yeah, so be, take time to be intentional.

1317
01:02:27,965 --> 01:02:30,875
Guys, from the Fallible Man Podcast, be
better tomorrow because of what you do

1318
01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,035
today, and we'll see you on the next one.

1319
01:02:33,324 --> 01:02:35,734
This has been the Fallible Man Podcast.

1320
01:02:36,405 --> 01:02:39,745
Your home for everything
man, husband, and father.

1321
01:02:40,535 --> 01:02:42,945
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

1322
01:02:43,685 --> 01:02:47,174
Head over to www.

1323
01:02:47,175 --> 01:02:47,395
thefallibleman.

1324
01:02:47,395 --> 01:02:49,004
com for more content.

1325
01:02:49,490 --> 01:02:55,689
And get your own Fallible Man Gear.

Juan Alvarado Jr Profile Photo

Juan Alvarado Jr

Keynote Speaker | Leadership Trainer | Podcast Host

Juan is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach and a revered leadership expert, drawing from his extensive experience as a U.S. Army war veteran who trained thousands of soldiers in high-pressure scenarios. Beyond his military service, Juan travels and speaks to leadership teams and their staff to enhance team leadership and their staff engagement, yielding a heightened staff understanding of their value and the importance of their intentional engagement with each other.

Juan uses his trials fighting through PTSD and shares how he has mended and strengthened his marriage, his relationship with his boys, and how he now teaches intentional leadership to people across the world.

His impactful work has earned him recognition on FOX, NBC, and CBS for cultivating strength-based leaders and fostering a positive workplace culture. See why people say Juan is the most relatable and motivational person they have heard speak.