Illuminating Manhood: An Electrician's Path to Redefining Strength

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At the end of this podcast episode
with my guest Sean Robinson, you'll

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be able to understand the benefits
of changing how you see yourself,

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learn how to enact effective and
real change in your life and learn

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effective strategies for habit building.

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If you want to skip the get to know
you portion of the show, timestamps

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are in the description below.

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Check out this thought from
Sean and let's get into it.

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The most important thing is that we're
all going through every version of this

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and that it's possible to come through.

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You deserve it.

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Um, give yourself a credit and just Pick
out at one, one small piece at a time.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potential growing to the men we

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dream of being while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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Your home for all things,
man, husband and father.

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Big shout out to Fallible Nation.

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That's our private community.

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And there's more about that.

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If you're interested down in the show
notes or the description, whatever

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platform you're joining us on today, a
warm welcome to our first time listeners.

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Hey, we know there's a lot out there, so
thanks for taking the time to check us

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out, be sure and leave us a comment or
review or reach out to me at the fallible

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man on most social media platforms.

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Love to hear what you thought of the show.

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My name is Brent and today my special
guest is author and speaker Sean Robinson.

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Sean, welcome to the Fallible Man podcast.

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Hi Brent.

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Uh, thanks for having me.

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I'm, uh, I'm happy to be here.

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I've been listening to
your show a long time.

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I'm really, uh, really proud to be on it.

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I appreciate that, man.

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I do.

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So you know we like to
start out a little lighter.

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So how's your trivia?

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Um, it's, it's getting better.

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It's getting better.

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Here's today's show question.

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How long is the border between
the United States and Canada?

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Is it A, 3, 525 miles?

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B, 4, 525 miles?

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C, 5, 525 miles, or D, 6, 525 miles?

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Um, I'm gonna go with B.

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Alright, he has answered 5, 525 miles.

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Now guys, you know the rules.

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Don't cheat, and for God's
sake, if you're driving, please

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do not write down your answer.

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Just remember it, and we'll get
back to that later in the show.

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Now Sean, as you know, I
don't do huge introductions.

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But today, before we dig into your
story, today in this moment, who

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is Sean Robinson in your own words?

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Um, Sean Robinson is, is just
someone that is constantly growing.

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And this has not always been who I am.

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Um, there was a long time I was very
much stuck in my own mind, and Um,

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the person today is someone that's
open to change, open to that growth,

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and a different perspective that I
wasn't so used to hearing before.

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Um, I'm a father of three kids, under
10 years old, life is very busy, and,

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um, The perspective I have with that
lifestyle that I have now is different

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than the way I grew up and the way that
I thought I had to, to be, um, as I

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developed into that husband father figure
that, uh, that I had as an example.

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Sean, you have three under 10.

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You do have a busy household.

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Yes, it's, uh, some days it's,
well, it's never quiet, but some

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days are better than others.

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I was going to say, if you say it's quiet,
I'm going to call you a liar right now.

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I have two that are 11 and nine and life
is chaotic just with the two of them.

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Three under 10.

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That's a, that's a tall order.

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Yeah.

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It's busy.

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The, uh, the two older boys, eight
and 10, and then the youngest is

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three and a half and a little girl
and she keeps everybody in check.

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Sean, do you like Harry Potter?

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I, I do, I'm getting more into
it with my, with my oldest,

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I've, I've seen all the movies.

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Um, Okay.

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Yeah.

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I'm prepped for this question.

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What house does the
Sorting Hat put you in?

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I would say the Sorting Hat
puts me probably in the,

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in the, in the Gryffindor.

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Gryffindor?

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I think so.

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Okay.

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I, I, I have a Gryffindor
kid and a Hufflepuff.

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My kids know exactly what they are.

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My wife played some kids, like, I
don't know, something on their phone.

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And they all took this quiz.

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It's like, dad, you
need to take this quiz.

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I was like, no, I'm
going to be a Slytherin.

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Just like your uncle, just like your aunt.

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Well, that's what I was going
to say, but I wasn't, it wasn't

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too sure between the two.

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Uh, I was gonna say you just don't
want to put that on, on air, right?

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It's kind of, yeah, expose myself.

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Uh, I, well, I threw it out there.

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I'm, I don't know.

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I know my siblings are both Slytherin.

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So John orange juice.

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Some pulp, no pulp.

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I go with some pulp.

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I think, uh, it's, it's just too
chewy when you have a full, full pulp.

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If you had to eat one meal for the
rest of your life, what would it be?

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I think I go with pizza.

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I think there's, there's
enough variety there.

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It, uh, I could change it up a bit.

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Okay.

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A good answer.

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I like that.

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Pizza is a general foods that works.

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I don't know.

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Ah, no one, no one's come up
with like a variance on that.

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So yeah, I like it.

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Zombie apocalypse, what
is your weapon of choice?

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Weapon of choice?

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Um, a big fan of zombie land,
so that I automatically think

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zombie land when you say that.

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Um, and, uh, I think something with, um,
the guns and stuff, you need ammunition.

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You don't always have it.

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So I think something like, uh, a baseball
bat or something, uh, that you, you can

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rely on, uh, if you run out of ammo.

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Okay.

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I knew we were going to get along.

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I'm I love zombie land.

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Like I've seen it.

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I don't know.

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I don't want to say a hundred times,
but in the background sometimes I'll,

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I'll be working at my desk and I'll
just turn it on in the background and

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listen to it while I'm working, I'm not
really listening to it, but it's just

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that yay soundtrack I can get behind.

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That's right.

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My daughter is waiting.

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She's like, dad, am I old enough to
watch the zombie land with you yet?

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No, not yet.

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You're 10.

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No, I do have to draw a line somewhere.

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What about the sequel?

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Do you acknowledge the sequel or no?

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I had mixed feelings about the sequel.

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Um, it had it's good points,
it had it's bad points.

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Uh, but I had mixed feelings
about the sequel for sure.

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You?

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Yeah, same.

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I think I was, because of the first
one, I was so excited for the sequel

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that maybe my excitement was too much
and, and then I was just kind of let

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down a little bit by, I don't know, I
have a thing with sequels to begin with.

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I just think they try and cash off of
the success of whatever the first one is.

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But, uh, I liked it for the
characters, but definitely

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wasn't as good as the first.

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I, I would agree.

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I, I'm a hard judge on sequels.

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If I like the first movie, I'm really,
like, I get excited, but I'm also very

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hesitant about a sequel because rarely
do they ever live up to the first one.

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Boondock Saints.

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I don't know if you're a
fan, but the sequel, I can't.

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I, I can't.

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It wasn't as good as the
original one, for sure.

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I still watch it, but I watch the
original one a lot more often.

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Those are two of my go to movies.

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Like, we're gonna be good friends.

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We just bonded forever.

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That's right.

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What purchase of a hundred dollars or
less have you made in the last year that's

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had the biggest impact on your life?

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A hundred dollars or less, I would
say some of my microphone equipment.

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Um, just, just learning to, to grow into
this, the speaking space and, and thinking

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I had to, to spend crazy money on best
quality equipment, but, you know, a couple

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of 20, 30 things on Amazon, and you've
got some lighting, some microphone, it's,

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it's not as, uh, It's not as stressful
and it's not as expensive as I thought.

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Be careful, once you start, it's like
an addiction to keep growing, right?

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I started out with one mic, and
then I upgraded this one, right?

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Be careful.

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It's one of those things, once you
start climbing, you're like, Oh!

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You start watching interviews you've done,
and you're like, I should tweak this.

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Oh, I didn't.

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You know what?

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This would look better here.

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Yeah, I saw it.

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I'm an electrician, construction,
background, I have already a natural for

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buying way too much things and upgrading
to tools and just stuff I don't need.

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It's, uh, I'm a complex for
that already, so I'm doomed.

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This will add, for sure, for sure.

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What was your favorite subject in school?

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Favorite subject in school?

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I really enjoyed, um, geography.

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I really enjoyed, like, uh, tourism class
in, like, grade 9 or 10 and, and, uh, just

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learning about the world or, or whatever.

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It was, uh, it was one
of my favorite ones.

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And then, uh, I guess with the same
teacher, but I had a, lifelines course

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and it was basically like an outdoor
education and for a full semester in

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high school, we did outdoorsy stuff.

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We did, we camped in the snow.

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We, we did canoe trips and learned first
aid and got our chainsaw certifications

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and it was, it was a really cool course.

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I like it.

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My school didn't have one of those.

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I feel gypped now.

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I like that one course.

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It was a grade 12, right
at the end of high school.

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It was, it was really cool.

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I still keep in touch with a lot
of the friends I had in that class.

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And we, we, we go back to some
memories and talk about it often.

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It's been, yeah, I'm digging just
the whole concept of the class.

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That's a good idea.

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I like it.

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What's one thing that
people don't know about you?

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Just some random fact.

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Uh, I think random facts.

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Uh, as much as I grew up in that hard rock
listening kind of environment, uh, I, I

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will dig into some pop music and just jam
out to, I don't want to say Taylor Swift,

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cause not really in that realm, but just
throw on some, some pop music and jam out.

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Have, uh, your kids found trolls yet?

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Uh, yes, my daughter, three,
three and a half, she, uh.

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Loves trolls.

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Um, we went to see the newest one
when it came out, it was her first

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time going to the theater and a huge,
huge poppy fan, huge trolls fan.

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So we've, we watched them all, uh, all
the time, right now she's into the Grinch.

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So, um, the Grinch animated one
is, is still on repeat constantly.

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I think, uh, people don't
understand that about being a dad.

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Like you have to learn to be eclectic.

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With your taste on things
or you lose your mind.

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I'm pretty sure.

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Right, I, I, oh, the Trolls music
would have driven me insane.

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That it's like, I got two
little girls and they adore it.

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It's, it's adapt or lose
my mind is one of the two.

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Yeah.

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And when you, when you see like my
three year old yesterday, even was, was

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like going around the house singing.

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Get back up again and she was falling
on the floor and saying, getting back

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00:11:59,994 --> 00:12:03,394
up again and walking around the house
and falling down and get back up again.

236
00:12:04,084 --> 00:12:06,985
Like obviously that message that, that,
that they're teaching through that,

237
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:10,834
that part of this, the movie and that
song is huge and she's getting it.

238
00:12:10,845 --> 00:12:12,744
But you know, how cute is that?

239
00:12:12,755 --> 00:12:15,744
Like, I'll watch that movie every,
you know, all the time and then over

240
00:12:15,744 --> 00:12:17,454
again, just, just for those moments.

241
00:12:18,464 --> 00:12:20,944
What's something everyone should
know about you before we dig

242
00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:22,165
into the subject of today's show?

243
00:12:23,685 --> 00:12:26,500
I think, uh, You know, I'm not perfect.

244
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,430
So I don't admit to knowing everything
and everything that I speak about is

245
00:12:31,509 --> 00:12:34,649
just something that, that I've learned
through what I've lived through.

246
00:12:34,649 --> 00:12:40,299
And when I speak out about it in
my content or here, it's, it's

247
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,459
not to tell people how to do it.

248
00:12:41,459 --> 00:12:44,290
It's just what, what I've gone
through and what's worked for me.

249
00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:46,629
Well, Hey, you're on the right
channel then, because we're

250
00:12:46,629 --> 00:12:48,020
all about being fallible here.

251
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:50,739
Guys, we've been getting to
know Sean a little bit, just

252
00:12:50,739 --> 00:12:52,060
who he is and what he's about.

253
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:55,069
And the next part of the show, we're
going to dive into changing your identity.

254
00:12:55,420 --> 00:12:57,110
We're going to roll to our
sponsor and we'll be right back

255
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:58,090
with more from Sean Robinson.

256
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,690
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Guys, welcome back.

285
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,100
In the first part of the show, we spent
some time just getting to know who Sean

286
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:31,160
really is and having some fun with him.

287
00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,060
And this part of the show, we're going
to talk about changing your identity.

288
00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:35,150
And.

289
00:14:35,564 --> 00:14:39,974
I'll give you more context on that
as we go on guys, but Sean, where

290
00:14:39,974 --> 00:14:44,885
I really want to start is let's
start with Sean's story, right?

291
00:14:44,944 --> 00:14:46,214
How we ended up here.

292
00:14:46,444 --> 00:14:51,175
Let's start with your story of how you
ended up doing what you're doing today.

293
00:14:52,555 --> 00:14:53,065
All right.

294
00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:55,004
Uh, so, so my story.

295
00:14:55,685 --> 00:14:58,775
Um, I never felt like it
was, it was a unique story.

296
00:14:58,845 --> 00:15:03,255
I just felt like my version of it was,
uh, something that I could share both

297
00:15:03,255 --> 00:15:05,915
for my growth and for who I used to be.

298
00:15:06,495 --> 00:15:11,344
So my parents, young, um, they
were married when they were 20, um,

299
00:15:11,355 --> 00:15:14,625
had me when they were, you know,
a year or two later, 22 years old.

300
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,285
I have two younger brothers.

301
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,900
Basically, we grew up
with that young lifestyle.

302
00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:23,580
They had friends, socials, drinks,
parties, kind of all the time, neighbors.

303
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:28,140
It was, it was respectable, respectful,
but it was just an environment that I

304
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:30,189
grew up where it was alcohol was around.

305
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:33,189
I was used to, um, you know, the drinks.

306
00:15:33,189 --> 00:15:37,020
I knew how to mix a Ryan Coke
when I was eight, nine years old.

307
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,725
Um, I wasn't drinking them, but
it was all just part of that

308
00:15:40,725 --> 00:15:42,585
helping my parents, being around.

309
00:15:42,915 --> 00:15:47,015
So I grew up in an environment that
I think I've learned a lot of people

310
00:15:47,015 --> 00:15:52,324
have, and as harmless as it was, it just
gave me a vision of what I was supposed

311
00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:53,824
to be like when I got to that point.

312
00:15:54,524 --> 00:15:59,719
So as I grew up with my own habits, my own
routines, Alcohol became a big part of it.

313
00:15:59,829 --> 00:16:04,189
And, uh, when I started working in
construction, I'm an electrician.

314
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:07,319
I got into the fire
department as a volunteer.

315
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,550
Uh, I've done that for 20 years now.

316
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:13,599
But, you know, those masculine
environments, the social part of

317
00:16:13,599 --> 00:16:18,939
drinking, the environment that it was
in, it was just The habits around it

318
00:16:19,650 --> 00:16:22,139
kind of held me back in a lot of ways.

319
00:16:22,139 --> 00:16:28,990
And, and the way that that came out was
I had always had a weight problem as well

320
00:16:28,990 --> 00:16:31,750
and, and up and down as we, we deal with.

321
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:35,949
And I found myself in at a
point where I was at my worst.

322
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:37,960
It was, I was 320 pounds.

323
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:40,240
It was the first year of COVID.

324
00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:44,670
Uh, my drinking routine got a lot
worse because, you know, we weren't

325
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:49,300
going out anywhere and I got to
that point at 320 pounds where I

326
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,820
just needed something to change.

327
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:56,950
And when I made that decision,
it came through doing things

328
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,380
that I had never done before.

329
00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:01,999
I started journaling and as much
as I didn't call it journaling, it

330
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,359
was a place that I could just vent.

331
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,609
I could write things down.

332
00:17:06,619 --> 00:17:07,680
I could beat myself up.

333
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,420
I could say whatever I wanted
and I didn't have to justify it.

334
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,490
I didn't have to tell,
um, you know, somebody.

335
00:17:13,659 --> 00:17:14,720
Why I felt that way.

336
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:17,460
I didn't have to back it up in any way.

337
00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:22,359
And it was, it was a place that
I could write it down and hide

338
00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:23,849
it, set it on fire, whatever.

339
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:25,789
And then come back to it if I want.

340
00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:29,939
It was, it was like, but it was
not somewhere I could talk about.

341
00:17:29,939 --> 00:17:33,264
It wasn't something I could open up
to because The construction group

342
00:17:33,264 --> 00:17:36,835
I was with, the firefighters, the
masculine, toxic masculine environment.

343
00:17:37,345 --> 00:17:41,254
I just felt like I had to hide
that, fix it myself, figure it out.

344
00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:47,384
So to start 2021, I made a decision to
just do some things to make me healthier.

345
00:17:47,644 --> 00:17:55,655
And removing alcohol was a big part of,
of how I could start to not eat as bad, or

346
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,275
stay up as late, or eat or drink as much.

347
00:17:58,275 --> 00:17:59,615
And then.

348
00:18:00,554 --> 00:18:05,925
How could I challenge that person and
be different than I was used to was my

349
00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:11,225
biggest hurdle and Working through that
journaling and working through changing

350
00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:16,895
that identity that I had before and that
thought that I couldn't fix it Was was

351
00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:24,215
impossible in the moment for me Without
being able to open up being able to ask

352
00:18:24,215 --> 00:18:30,595
the questions being able to talk about
it To the people that I was around now

353
00:18:31,685 --> 00:18:38,125
We're talking about changing your identity
and you saw something yourself that you

354
00:18:38,135 --> 00:18:42,074
thought, I need to change this, right?

355
00:18:42,085 --> 00:18:46,774
So who did you see
yourself as at that point?

356
00:18:47,475 --> 00:18:48,035
The.

357
00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:51,945
You went, uh, no, I don't want this.

358
00:18:53,095 --> 00:18:59,674
Honestly, as I was growing, um, I had
my, my dad, there was a lot of moments

359
00:18:59,674 --> 00:19:03,484
that, there was, there was just a lot,
he's a mechanic, and he worked in the

360
00:19:03,485 --> 00:19:08,194
garage, he had a lot of friends, and,
and as they'd come over, they sometimes

361
00:19:08,195 --> 00:19:11,334
would pay him with alcohol, and they'd
have their drinks, and there was a lot

362
00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:15,034
of moments where he'd get, you know,
there'd be some aggression, there'd be

363
00:19:15,034 --> 00:19:20,705
some, some stuff that just, I didn't like
as a kid and I found myself becoming a

364
00:19:20,705 --> 00:19:26,745
version of that and, and that was a huge
part of, of my biggest reason to change.

365
00:19:26,745 --> 00:19:31,134
Like my, my daughter was born a couple
months before I made this decision to

366
00:19:31,134 --> 00:19:36,885
change and it was part of the decision,
but it was like, like, I just didn't

367
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,774
like the version that I was becoming.

368
00:19:38,784 --> 00:19:45,105
My, my patience level, I was yelling more,
um, aggression and a lot of things that.

369
00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:50,754
Just because I didn't like it as a child,
I was realizing that it was, it was like

370
00:19:50,754 --> 00:19:55,704
a holy crap moment that like, I was, I
was becoming that person I didn't like.

371
00:19:56,854 --> 00:19:59,384
So we actually talked a
little bit before the show and

372
00:19:59,985 --> 00:20:01,155
getting ready for the episode.

373
00:20:01,604 --> 00:20:04,204
And one of the things you mentioned
was, you know, a lot of people

374
00:20:04,205 --> 00:20:08,435
have that come to Jesus moment
that just like life altering.

375
00:20:08,605 --> 00:20:10,255
And it's usually something
really extreme, right?

376
00:20:10,364 --> 00:20:14,905
It's a giant health scare or something
like that, that quote unquote scares

377
00:20:14,925 --> 00:20:16,945
people straight or something like that.

378
00:20:17,335 --> 00:20:20,375
You said it was patterns
that you were developing.

379
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,325
So that goes with that
aggression and the drinking.

380
00:20:23,785 --> 00:20:24,295
Is that right?

381
00:20:24,565 --> 00:20:24,935
Yeah.

382
00:20:25,255 --> 00:20:25,415
Yeah.

383
00:20:25,415 --> 00:20:29,364
There was, there was just a lot of
different things with my weight, with

384
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:33,454
my drinking habits, with, you know,
obviously all the, the, the expense

385
00:20:33,455 --> 00:20:37,405
and money that comes with those, those
routines and, and what you buy and,

386
00:20:37,405 --> 00:20:42,125
and, and then becoming that, that person
that, that wasn't patient and, and,

387
00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:44,525
and wasn't understanding and didn't.

388
00:20:45,180 --> 00:20:50,310
And holding on to that, like generational
traumas or old generational habits

389
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:54,380
that I grew up with that I felt I
had to maintain it was, it was a

390
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:59,449
culmination of a lot of different things
that was like, do I really want to

391
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:02,560
recreate the environment I grew up in?

392
00:21:02,569 --> 00:21:09,103
Or do I want to, you know, stop that now,
change the narrative and become something

393
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:10,750
better, become something different.

394
00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:15,585
And in the beginning, like,
None of that was on my mind.

395
00:21:15,614 --> 00:21:19,355
Like I didn't realize how
these all linked together.

396
00:21:19,375 --> 00:21:22,095
It was just, I'm upset at 320 pounds.

397
00:21:22,105 --> 00:21:23,135
I'm miserable.

398
00:21:23,165 --> 00:21:27,495
I'm negative, cynical, just
finding the worst in everything.

399
00:21:27,514 --> 00:21:35,305
And my biggest thing to change was just
not liking the person I had become.

400
00:21:35,844 --> 00:21:39,284
The rest of the things I
would learn along the way.

401
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:45,300
And how related they all were, um,
was, was my biggest Jesus moment.

402
00:21:45,330 --> 00:21:49,370
It was my biggest mind blowing,
um, realization that, you know, by

403
00:21:49,370 --> 00:21:52,750
changing one small thing, one piece
at a time, I could compound it all

404
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:54,450
together over a period of time.

405
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:56,840
And it's interesting.

406
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,530
Now, let me clarify for some of our
listeners, because not all of them

407
00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,850
have the, uh, trades background.

408
00:22:03,150 --> 00:22:10,245
We're not saying all people in the
trades are Alcoholics are that, uh, it's,

409
00:22:10,495 --> 00:22:12,135
there's an extreme to anything, right?

410
00:22:12,955 --> 00:22:13,614
I will say.

411
00:22:13,614 --> 00:22:16,964
So one of the reasons I actually was, I
was in the electrical program for years.

412
00:22:16,964 --> 00:22:25,255
I was in the IBEW here in the United
States, uh, for 15 years, 14 years.

413
00:22:25,865 --> 00:22:27,664
Uh, my brother's actually an electrician.

414
00:22:28,485 --> 00:22:34,595
And so, you know, I spent a lot of
time in the trades and I had a lot

415
00:22:34,595 --> 00:22:39,650
of people ask me why I didn't become
like, I did low voltage work, And

416
00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:41,800
they asked me, it's like, well, why
don't you join the apprenticeship

417
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,290
and become a full blown electrician,
one of the commercial electricians.

418
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,270
And I always found an excuse.

419
00:22:48,270 --> 00:22:52,169
Cause I haven't, like, I have an
unfriendly reaction with electricity.

420
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:56,779
If there's a way to electrocute
myself, it's going to happen.

421
00:22:56,779 --> 00:22:59,649
Guys like me and electricity.

422
00:22:59,649 --> 00:23:00,990
Like I, I, wow.

423
00:23:01,030 --> 00:23:01,450
Yeah.

424
00:23:01,889 --> 00:23:04,310
I can rip off the stories on that one.

425
00:23:04,580 --> 00:23:07,800
So I didn't stay in a voltage
that's not likely to kill me.

426
00:23:08,515 --> 00:23:09,145
For my safety.

427
00:23:09,145 --> 00:23:10,315
And that's what I would tell everybody.

428
00:23:10,735 --> 00:23:15,355
But the truth was with a lot of the
commercial electricians I knew is I

429
00:23:15,365 --> 00:23:22,704
saw this reoccurring, just theme of
guys with broken families, broken

430
00:23:22,705 --> 00:23:26,044
homes, who drank too much party too
often, and we're always on the road.

431
00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:33,455
And I didn't want that in my life, but
people who aren't in those groups don't

432
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:39,405
understand there's a lot of pressure to
go along and be part of that culture.

433
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,490
If you're in the trades, would you agree?

434
00:23:44,450 --> 00:23:50,270
Definitely the the lifestyle Um, and
then it follows any any group in any

435
00:23:50,310 --> 00:23:54,760
career path There's just different
lifestyle expectations if you will and

436
00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:59,180
and yeah in the trades it was like it
was assumed you'd go out after after

437
00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:04,200
work and drink or whatever and and Monday
mornings, it was your sort of hangover

438
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,370
stories Everybody in the trailer on the
site would share how they spent their

439
00:24:07,370 --> 00:24:10,555
weekend and you know Then what kind
of trouble they got up to or whatever.

440
00:24:10,555 --> 00:24:14,715
And, and I don't want to say a
running joke, but, uh, it's like,

441
00:24:14,725 --> 00:24:16,215
and I'm in the IBW here as well.

442
00:24:16,215 --> 00:24:19,395
It's like a running joke is you
have to be a dad to be in the union.

443
00:24:19,495 --> 00:24:21,875
And the dad is, you have to have a DUI.

444
00:24:22,204 --> 00:24:24,105
You have to have an
addiction and a divorce.

445
00:24:27,144 --> 00:24:28,214
I saw that a lot.

446
00:24:28,454 --> 00:24:30,364
I actually almost lost a job.

447
00:24:30,364 --> 00:24:35,354
I was doing a big commercial
project and I almost lost the job.

448
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:39,969
My journeyman friend who I worked on
with on multiple projects was like, Rent,

449
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,970
you, you have to come drinking with us
at least once a week, preferably twice.

450
00:24:45,090 --> 00:24:49,529
And because I hit this point where it
was like, I don't, Hey, I wasn't making

451
00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:52,689
the kind of money because I wasn't,
you know, far enough along in my career

452
00:24:52,690 --> 00:24:54,600
where I was making money to throw away.

453
00:24:54,980 --> 00:24:57,399
And I was working with a lot of
people who were travelers at the time

454
00:24:57,409 --> 00:25:02,030
who are getting per diem and extra
money to be there for living expenses

455
00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:05,780
because they were out of their area
who had come over with this company.

456
00:25:06,260 --> 00:25:06,580
Right.

457
00:25:06,590 --> 00:25:07,250
So they're getting.

458
00:25:07,735 --> 00:25:10,435
A they're getting a higher pay
scale because they're from a bigger

459
00:25:10,435 --> 00:25:14,035
area than I am And they're getting
per diem to be there, right?

460
00:25:14,035 --> 00:25:17,675
So they're they they got money to throw
away They're staying in a hotel next

461
00:25:17,675 --> 00:25:22,924
to a casino And so you can imagine
every night was there Yeah, and I was

462
00:25:22,924 --> 00:25:27,155
told like brent like there's some real
uneasiness like they don't trust you

463
00:25:29,035 --> 00:25:30,425
And I've tried to explain it to him.

464
00:25:30,435 --> 00:25:34,565
It's like look he's the lowest
paid guy here And he's not like

465
00:25:34,605 --> 00:25:38,120
like He said, I can tell him I
don't, cause my friend was single.

466
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,340
He's like, you know, I don't
mind going out with you guys.

467
00:25:41,340 --> 00:25:46,219
I got nothing else to do is that go home
to a dog, but Brent's got a family and

468
00:25:46,219 --> 00:25:48,270
kids and he wants to go home and see them.

469
00:25:48,270 --> 00:25:51,570
And like, it was actually
like, I almost lost that job.

470
00:25:51,679 --> 00:25:54,400
And so I talked to my wife
and I started having to go out

471
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,010
twice a week with these guys.

472
00:25:57,150 --> 00:25:59,550
Now he didn't make it where I
didn't have to pay for the drinks.

473
00:25:59,850 --> 00:26:01,210
He was like, you don't
pay when you're here.

474
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,320
Cause all of us get
paid twice what you do.

475
00:26:03,699 --> 00:26:04,649
I was like, thank you.

476
00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:06,889
I, it's cause I really
can't afford this, but sure.

477
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,010
And he said, you have to
stay for at least an hour.

478
00:26:10,330 --> 00:26:15,520
And so twice a week, I went drinking
with them for an hour, I had one

479
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:16,960
or two drinks, and then I left.

480
00:26:17,870 --> 00:26:19,720
But I had to do it to keep my job.

481
00:26:20,140 --> 00:26:22,379
They were literally going to fire me.

482
00:26:22,859 --> 00:26:23,820
Because I didn't fit.

483
00:26:24,989 --> 00:26:28,969
Yeah, and when they're on the road,
their wife and kids aren't there.

484
00:26:28,969 --> 00:26:32,200
And that's a huge hurdle
if you're a local.

485
00:26:33,490 --> 00:26:36,360
You've got that responsibility
at home where, where they don't,

486
00:26:36,379 --> 00:26:37,879
they can go out all the time.

487
00:26:37,879 --> 00:26:42,649
And, and that is in an environment that,
you know, is still, it still exists.

488
00:26:42,649 --> 00:26:46,229
It's like, even on the fire department,
it's not about the drinking, but that

489
00:26:46,250 --> 00:26:50,409
camaraderie and that like relationship,
and especially trusting each other and,

490
00:26:50,860 --> 00:26:56,165
and, and just, Having something to talk
about or something that's in common where,

491
00:26:56,174 --> 00:27:01,175
yeah, you build that trust and, and it is
a lot of pressure to maintain a lifestyle

492
00:27:01,184 --> 00:27:03,624
that maybe you don't want to, or.

493
00:27:04,095 --> 00:27:05,705
Or can't live.

494
00:27:05,985 --> 00:27:10,195
So to, for me, even to change
that narrative for myself was,

495
00:27:10,205 --> 00:27:11,645
was a huge pressure point.

496
00:27:12,105 --> 00:27:14,584
Especially in the beginning
when I didn't have any tools.

497
00:27:14,915 --> 00:27:18,834
And didn't have the mentality
to open up about it.

498
00:27:18,874 --> 00:27:23,045
Especially to those people that
were wanting me to go out or, or

499
00:27:23,125 --> 00:27:24,395
just kind of the same situation.

500
00:27:26,845 --> 00:27:32,030
So, I just, you, you were talking
about being an electrician.

501
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,260
It's like, Oh yeah, yeah.

502
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:33,919
I remember that.

503
00:27:34,769 --> 00:27:35,429
And it was hard.

504
00:27:35,439 --> 00:27:37,949
Like it's, it's half the reason
I left the trades easily.

505
00:27:37,949 --> 00:27:44,310
If not more, it's like, no, no, I
just don't, this is not life I want.

506
00:27:45,020 --> 00:27:48,860
And being there, like it
becomes a good old boy club.

507
00:27:48,860 --> 00:27:50,059
She'd stay in it long enough.

508
00:27:50,059 --> 00:27:52,550
You get to know everybody.

509
00:27:53,094 --> 00:27:55,915
in the local and everybody who
works for the local companies

510
00:27:55,925 --> 00:27:57,195
that you could be dispatched to.

511
00:27:58,865 --> 00:28:03,774
And pretty soon, like you're building,
you're living on a reputation and you've

512
00:28:03,784 --> 00:28:08,194
got to keep up certain appearances or
nobody wants to work with you anymore.

513
00:28:09,144 --> 00:28:09,474
Yeah.

514
00:28:09,995 --> 00:28:14,525
And, and I have since moved up, uh,
into like management and it's, it's a

515
00:28:14,595 --> 00:28:16,585
whole different, uh, different realm.

516
00:28:18,245 --> 00:28:22,734
So why do you think it's difficult
for people to shake off old

517
00:28:22,734 --> 00:28:24,974
identities when they, when they
start going, you know what?

518
00:28:26,550 --> 00:28:30,550
Actually, let's back that up
because let's start with how do most

519
00:28:30,550 --> 00:28:32,470
people define their own identities?

520
00:28:34,660 --> 00:28:42,610
I think the the best definition is is we
just we believe that we know who we are

521
00:28:42,870 --> 00:28:48,689
or who we're supposed to be by The habits
and routines and lifestyles we have if

522
00:28:48,690 --> 00:28:53,250
you know If we come from a certain place
or we or we have a certain, you know

523
00:28:53,410 --> 00:28:58,500
group of friends like we have to just You
Stay in that pocket and live what we're

524
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:00,500
used to do, do what we're used to doing.

525
00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:04,679
Um, and to be different than that,
especially, you know, from my

526
00:29:04,679 --> 00:29:08,459
background with construction, as
we're saying, it's just not, people

527
00:29:08,459 --> 00:29:10,280
aren't being different than that.

528
00:29:10,459 --> 00:29:13,839
Like I hear you got characters on the
port a potty walls or on the lunch

529
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,379
tables, if you're different than the
next person or yeah, your, your potential

530
00:29:17,379 --> 00:29:19,009
to lose your job because you don't.

531
00:29:19,310 --> 00:29:21,149
Go out with them like,
like everybody else.

532
00:29:21,149 --> 00:29:26,420
It's just being different is,
is too much in the spotlight

533
00:29:26,580 --> 00:29:30,110
and there's too much attention
brought negatively to that person.

534
00:29:30,110 --> 00:29:34,639
So for, for someone to come out
of that, uh, and be different.

535
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,070
The, the, the reason that
we stay is there's just way

536
00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:40,100
too much pressure to change.

537
00:29:40,270 --> 00:29:45,360
There's way too much pressure to stay
the same that we believe that identity

538
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:46,799
is just who we're supposed to be.

539
00:29:46,910 --> 00:29:51,400
Like my biggest excuse, and it was
an excuse, I know now it was an

540
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,170
excuse, was, this is just who I am.

541
00:29:53,530 --> 00:29:57,750
Like I defended any decision I made, any
lifestyle I had, the fact that I was 320

542
00:29:57,750 --> 00:30:02,049
pounds, or the attitude, so negative,
negative, it was, ah, this is just

543
00:30:02,050 --> 00:30:04,170
who I am, so I, I gotta deal with it.

544
00:30:04,230 --> 00:30:04,920
You gotta deal with it.

545
00:30:05,260 --> 00:30:12,580
But that was, like, I'm ashamed of that
now, in a way, because it was the worst

546
00:30:12,580 --> 00:30:14,290
thing I could have said to myself.

547
00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,979
I think one of the biggest things
I see with a lot of men, right,

548
00:30:18,980 --> 00:30:22,210
when we're having this conversation
with other men, is men like to

549
00:30:22,210 --> 00:30:24,859
identify with what they do, right?

550
00:30:24,860 --> 00:30:26,714
That's a huge part of who we are.

551
00:30:27,075 --> 00:30:34,075
are how we see ourselves, where we're
from, and then usually our economic

552
00:30:34,095 --> 00:30:39,495
background are three of the big places
where men seem to draw their identity.

553
00:30:40,725 --> 00:30:45,974
And I think part of the reason we
lean into what we do is this one of

554
00:30:45,975 --> 00:30:47,374
the only things we can change, right?

555
00:30:47,374 --> 00:30:49,054
We can't change our economic background.

556
00:30:49,615 --> 00:30:54,655
We can't change, uh, where we're
from, but we can change what we do.

557
00:30:55,575 --> 00:30:57,555
into something we're proud of doing.

558
00:30:58,755 --> 00:31:01,685
But that's where a lot of our
value and identity seems to

559
00:31:01,705 --> 00:31:03,095
come from as men, do you think?

560
00:31:03,255 --> 00:31:04,275
Or am I wrong?

561
00:31:04,645 --> 00:31:05,695
No, no, it does.

562
00:31:05,725 --> 00:31:11,135
And to add to that, like we, we were
taught that we have to fix it ourself.

563
00:31:11,234 --> 00:31:14,394
Like we're taught that you're not
a man if you don't just suck it up

564
00:31:14,394 --> 00:31:16,714
and deal with it or figure it out.

565
00:31:17,100 --> 00:31:20,020
But to, to reach out and to be vulnerable.

566
00:31:20,460 --> 00:31:22,190
Um, and I was in this world for so long.

567
00:31:22,190 --> 00:31:24,640
It's like, I just, I can't talk
about it or I can't open up about it.

568
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:28,070
Or I can't listen to that podcast
or read that book because it's going

569
00:31:28,070 --> 00:31:29,700
to just show someone that I'm weak.

570
00:31:29,700 --> 00:31:32,530
It's going to show someone that
I, I'm not figuring it out on my

571
00:31:32,530 --> 00:31:34,220
own, or I can't fix it myself.

572
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,500
And another thing I kept telling myself
was like, I know what I have to do.

573
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:39,260
I just have to do it.

574
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:42,670
The problem is I thought
I knew what I had to do.

575
00:31:42,900 --> 00:31:47,320
And I thought that I knew how to
do it, but I didn't realize it.

576
00:31:47,885 --> 00:31:54,055
What I didn't know until I started to
learn more about those things and to,

577
00:31:54,095 --> 00:31:58,094
to get outside of that space was to
become something I didn't, I didn't

578
00:31:58,094 --> 00:32:00,665
know about or who, who I could be.

579
00:32:02,054 --> 00:32:05,225
I think for a lot of men, it comes
down to you have to find a sense of

580
00:32:05,265 --> 00:32:07,005
urgency about something different.

581
00:32:07,805 --> 00:32:08,055
Right.

582
00:32:08,055 --> 00:32:13,315
You mentioned your daughter was just born
and you started seeing these patterns

583
00:32:13,325 --> 00:32:18,325
in your life that you had a negative
experience with as a kid growing up.

584
00:32:19,395 --> 00:32:24,245
And that need to be the dad who
had a different relationship and a

585
00:32:24,245 --> 00:32:28,905
different environment for his kids
seems to have started to overwhelm

586
00:32:29,015 --> 00:32:33,270
the I'm comfortable here for you.

587
00:32:35,430 --> 00:32:40,000
I think that's what men have
to shift the value proposition.

588
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,869
What's more important in their
head, I think before they're

589
00:32:42,870 --> 00:32:47,160
starting to willing to have that
conversation about change and growth.

590
00:32:48,630 --> 00:32:48,920
Yep.

591
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:53,130
And then, I mean, generationally
we're, we're in a different world

592
00:32:53,130 --> 00:32:57,149
right now as, as, you know, we always
are like that's constant change.

593
00:32:58,089 --> 00:33:02,720
We naturally I think, try to hold
on to what we're used to and.

594
00:33:03,305 --> 00:33:05,595
You know, just say music for an example.

595
00:33:05,605 --> 00:33:09,405
Like I mentioned that I'll dig into
some pop music now and then, but

596
00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:12,734
like, I grew up with rock and roll.

597
00:33:12,755 --> 00:33:14,624
So it was like, I had to maintain that.

598
00:33:14,624 --> 00:33:18,124
And I saw everybody, you see, like,
you like the music you like, like I

599
00:33:18,124 --> 00:33:22,565
live in the nineties grunge, you know,
realm a lot of the times, and I go back

600
00:33:22,565 --> 00:33:24,845
there more than I go anywhere else.

601
00:33:25,255 --> 00:33:29,475
And to listen to new music is, is
something that's difficult for me because

602
00:33:29,475 --> 00:33:32,325
I don't want to, or I don't relate to it.

603
00:33:32,805 --> 00:33:33,455
So it's like.

604
00:33:33,930 --> 00:33:37,510
You know, take that example for, for most
things, it's like, we don't, we don't

605
00:33:37,510 --> 00:33:41,670
change our perspective because we're used
to where we live and we're used to what

606
00:33:41,670 --> 00:33:43,120
we're used to doing and listening to.

607
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,150
So it's like, you know, to have
a different thought because we're

608
00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:49,520
dealing with our kids as a different
generation, you know, I didn't

609
00:33:49,550 --> 00:33:53,570
have, we didn't have the tablets and
the internet the way they do now.

610
00:33:53,810 --> 00:33:59,220
So am I going to, you know, not let
them do that or not find a way to

611
00:33:59,220 --> 00:34:00,689
adapt to the way they're used to?

612
00:34:00,990 --> 00:34:05,390
Society is right now, or am I going
to hold on to my old beliefs or my

613
00:34:05,390 --> 00:34:10,930
old things and then have firm stance
and hold them back in that way?

614
00:34:11,540 --> 00:34:16,240
So it was like, yeah, I was becoming
something because I was holding on to

615
00:34:16,569 --> 00:34:22,000
old mindsets and old things that, that
there was just no, I wasn't adapting.

616
00:34:23,870 --> 00:34:25,060
I wish Sarah was on guys.

617
00:34:25,070 --> 00:34:27,480
If you're listening, you know,
Sarah usually engineers the show.

618
00:34:27,820 --> 00:34:29,420
She's not on with me right now.

619
00:34:29,420 --> 00:34:30,230
We're recording.

620
00:34:30,230 --> 00:34:33,330
I wish she was on for this part of
the conversation because we have

621
00:34:33,330 --> 00:34:35,030
laughed about this so many times.

622
00:34:35,330 --> 00:34:40,740
Let me guess the music you fall
back on is the sixth grade to

623
00:34:40,899 --> 00:34:42,910
ninth grade era of your life.

624
00:34:43,710 --> 00:34:48,870
It's, uh, pretty well, I think pretty well
that, that, uh, That, that generation,

625
00:34:48,870 --> 00:34:52,650
uh, for me, um, I'm turning 40 this year.

626
00:34:52,650 --> 00:34:58,599
I'm, I'm a lot of rage against the
machine and blink 182 and Pearl Jam.

627
00:34:58,940 --> 00:34:59,220
Right.

628
00:34:59,660 --> 00:35:01,370
It's what you were listening to, right?

629
00:35:01,370 --> 00:35:02,700
In the right.

630
00:35:02,700 --> 00:35:04,220
So very well read ninth grade.

631
00:35:04,959 --> 00:35:06,489
I don't know what it is about that.

632
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,130
Apparently that was like a
formula of time for your music.

633
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:11,960
Because that's what I I'm 44.

634
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:15,720
I just turned 44 a couple
of weeks ago in December.

635
00:35:16,490 --> 00:35:18,860
That's what I fall back on
sixth grade and ninth grade.

636
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,670
I was a Seattle or North of Seattle kid.

637
00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:25,690
I grew up listening to Nirvana
when they were still a grunge band.

638
00:35:26,295 --> 00:35:31,685
On the like scene before they got their
first album Uh, so I grew up right in

639
00:35:31,685 --> 00:35:36,655
the era of launching grunge with nirvana
and stuntable pilots and sound garden and

640
00:35:36,664 --> 00:35:42,835
yeah Krill jam and and that's what I fall
back on and that's a pretty impressive

641
00:35:43,114 --> 00:35:48,685
genre and era right like To go into a
lot of stuff that I know this is the

642
00:35:48,685 --> 00:35:53,765
generational argument all the time, but
like, I mean, that's a good landing spot.

643
00:35:53,765 --> 00:35:54,515
I'm happy there.

644
00:35:55,045 --> 00:35:56,885
I actually did grow up with some benefit.

645
00:35:56,985 --> 00:36:02,595
My best friend, his mom was
really into broadening his

646
00:36:03,215 --> 00:36:05,594
mind on stuff as far as music.

647
00:36:06,534 --> 00:36:08,885
So we'd actually, they had a
pool table in their basement.

648
00:36:09,385 --> 00:36:12,275
And we'd listen to Stevie
Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix.

649
00:36:15,185 --> 00:36:18,145
And so we got that era of music
in there to, uh, Creedence,

650
00:36:18,195 --> 00:36:19,565
Creedence, Clearwater revival.

651
00:36:19,894 --> 00:36:20,334
So.

652
00:36:20,895 --> 00:36:23,875
In that same age group, I, I started,
I started listening to those and

653
00:36:23,875 --> 00:36:25,315
I still listen to those as well.

654
00:36:25,325 --> 00:36:29,245
Like everything I listened to in
that age group is I got a couple

655
00:36:29,245 --> 00:36:30,555
other bands I've added since then.

656
00:36:30,555 --> 00:36:31,745
Most of them come from that era.

657
00:36:32,275 --> 00:36:32,805
Yeah.

658
00:36:32,805 --> 00:36:40,865
I was going to say, but that example,
like we, we just find that spot that

659
00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:44,785
we like to live in using music as an
example, but like, for me, it was like,

660
00:36:45,175 --> 00:36:46,795
I was so used to being a certain way.

661
00:36:46,795 --> 00:36:48,735
So to change out of that.

662
00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:53,180
Was uncomfortable because I didn't have
a good concept of where I was headed or

663
00:36:53,180 --> 00:36:59,880
what I could be like change is scary, man
People don't people don't want to say it

664
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:06,410
right because change is the only constant
in life really And so people we were

665
00:37:06,410 --> 00:37:10,375
like, oh, that's stupid change it Really
like humans are terrified of change.

666
00:37:10,405 --> 00:37:16,855
We like our consistent routine or how
many people are like, Oh, I fly by the

667
00:37:16,855 --> 00:37:18,514
seat of my pants and I remember big plans.

668
00:37:18,515 --> 00:37:19,494
I shut up.

669
00:37:19,865 --> 00:37:24,205
If you actually look at your day to day
life, the majority of what you do, you

670
00:37:24,205 --> 00:37:27,344
do on autopilot and it's the same things.

671
00:37:27,555 --> 00:37:32,035
Like you may, you know, just randomly
decide I'm going to go do this tonight.

672
00:37:32,775 --> 00:37:34,975
But the majority of your day
looks the same every single day

673
00:37:35,855 --> 00:37:37,594
because it's safe and comfortable.

674
00:37:40,285 --> 00:37:42,185
And we don't know how
to do anything about it.

675
00:37:42,635 --> 00:37:46,360
And the, like, When I started learning
more about habits and habit structure

676
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:53,370
and, and how to go about change, it
was like, you know, keeping track of

677
00:37:53,370 --> 00:37:58,729
it every day, doing it for 100 days,
whatever, and like consistent, you

678
00:37:58,729 --> 00:38:02,280
know, the math that I've been able to
do with all of the things I've been

679
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,714
able to, to change and, and, and grow.

680
00:38:04,714 --> 00:38:10,270
It was like, It works so much with
everything to, to do it that way.

681
00:38:10,500 --> 00:38:14,720
And then small pieces and it's
like, we don't know that stuff.

682
00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:19,230
So until we, we learn about it, we're
happy being, or maybe we're not happy, but

683
00:38:19,230 --> 00:38:21,160
we stay where we are because it's easy.

684
00:38:21,745 --> 00:38:23,755
But it's also easy to change.

685
00:38:23,755 --> 00:38:25,125
It's also easy to work on it.

686
00:38:25,145 --> 00:38:27,045
It just can't be something massive.

687
00:38:27,055 --> 00:38:31,165
It has to be those small pieces and
over a period of time and have patience.

688
00:38:31,165 --> 00:38:37,765
And it's like, once we learn how that
works, you know, we feel a bit better.

689
00:38:37,765 --> 00:38:42,915
I think we feel a bit better
about how to go about change guys.

690
00:38:42,935 --> 00:38:43,035
That's perfect.

691
00:38:43,035 --> 00:38:44,065
Segway.

692
00:38:44,865 --> 00:38:48,995
We've been talking about changing
your identity and how there

693
00:38:48,995 --> 00:38:51,865
comes a point in your life where
you look at who you are now.

694
00:38:52,605 --> 00:38:54,665
And you may need to make
some changes, right?

695
00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,515
And some people need that
kind of Jesus moment.

696
00:38:56,515 --> 00:39:00,985
And some people notice certain trends
or certain things they saw earlier in

697
00:39:00,985 --> 00:39:06,354
their life, like Sean did and go, uh,
it's not really where I want to go in

698
00:39:06,354 --> 00:39:10,745
the next part of the show, we're going
to dive into growth mindset and change.

699
00:39:10,745 --> 00:39:14,145
How do you actually successfully start
making the changes in your life that you

700
00:39:14,145 --> 00:39:18,915
want to, that we're all uncomfortable
with because it's new, it's different.

701
00:39:18,915 --> 00:39:20,045
It's not our wheelhouse.

702
00:39:20,465 --> 00:39:22,095
We're going to roll our response
over and we'll be right back

703
00:39:22,095 --> 00:39:23,185
with more from Sean Robinson.

704
00:39:23,905 --> 00:39:25,775
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708
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723
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Now let's dive back into the show.

724
00:40:19,885 --> 00:40:22,315
Welcome back in the first part or in
the last part of the show, we were

725
00:40:22,315 --> 00:40:27,345
discussing your identity and how
sometimes it's time for a change, right?

726
00:40:27,345 --> 00:40:30,664
We get to a place in our life and it's
time to change it up a little bit and

727
00:40:30,665 --> 00:40:32,765
become the next iteration of ourselves.

728
00:40:33,115 --> 00:40:36,635
This part of the show, we're going to
talk about creating a growth mindset and

729
00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:42,035
how to actually start to affect change
in our lives, because as much as we

730
00:40:42,264 --> 00:40:44,145
like to say, Hey, change is everything.

731
00:40:44,630 --> 00:40:49,770
We still get a little uncomfortable
with it now, Sean, for our listeners

732
00:40:49,770 --> 00:40:53,500
who may not be familiar with it,
let's, what is a growth mindset?

733
00:40:55,180 --> 00:41:00,050
The growth mindset is, and, and, uh,
Carol Dweck's book mindset is one of

734
00:41:00,050 --> 00:41:04,289
my favorites, but a growth mindset
is essentially just being open to

735
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:09,640
different ways of doing things,
being open to growth, accepting.

736
00:41:10,130 --> 00:41:15,010
new information, trying things
that maybe you didn't try before,

737
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,340
just being open to growth.

738
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:27,070
Now that sounds simple enough, but yeah,
it seems to be a headache for a lot of us.

739
00:41:27,079 --> 00:41:28,670
And I think it, part of it falls back.

740
00:41:28,670 --> 00:41:30,960
We were talking in the last
segment a little bit about

741
00:41:31,470 --> 00:41:33,520
we get comfortable, right?

742
00:41:34,140 --> 00:41:36,040
Uh, complacency just kills us.

743
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:39,100
We, we get into this
groove and do our thing.

744
00:41:40,155 --> 00:41:45,025
But for some reason, we tend to start
closing ourselves off to new ideas.

745
00:41:45,025 --> 00:41:48,975
We illustrated music or discussion, right?

746
00:41:49,425 --> 00:41:52,845
My wife can tell you depending
on which restaurant we go to

747
00:41:52,875 --> 00:41:53,915
exactly what I'm ordering.

748
00:41:55,130 --> 00:41:59,420
Because I'm eating the same exact thing
at the same restaurant every single time.

749
00:42:00,260 --> 00:42:01,230
My wife's like trying everything.

750
00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,750
Oh, they have new stuff on the menu.

751
00:42:02,750 --> 00:42:03,470
I'm like, I don't care.

752
00:42:04,450 --> 00:42:05,720
Double cheeseburger with fries.

753
00:42:07,180 --> 00:42:07,430
Yeah.

754
00:42:07,839 --> 00:42:09,190
And my wife is the opposite.

755
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:14,220
She's she knows what she wants, but I'm
like, no, I want to look at the menu.

756
00:42:14,259 --> 00:42:15,570
Like what do they have now?

757
00:42:15,570 --> 00:42:18,990
Like it may be the same restaurant,
big box restaurant, but it's like,

758
00:42:19,340 --> 00:42:20,310
they might have something different.

759
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:21,080
What's the special

760
00:42:24,170 --> 00:42:24,510
Right.

761
00:42:25,005 --> 00:42:29,275
It's a, it tends to be that way
with couples, like one of the,

762
00:42:30,225 --> 00:42:32,635
yeah, it kind of flip flops, but it
tends to be that way with couples.

763
00:42:32,635 --> 00:42:34,615
There's usually one
that's very stuck on that.

764
00:42:34,615 --> 00:42:37,195
And one that's just like,
let's try everything.

765
00:42:37,565 --> 00:42:40,775
I'm always like mind blown when we
can go through like a drive through

766
00:42:41,494 --> 00:42:42,914
and my wife has to read the menu.

767
00:42:44,075 --> 00:42:45,115
It's McDonald's.

768
00:42:45,115 --> 00:42:48,325
And then it hasn't changed in 40 years.

769
00:42:48,435 --> 00:42:49,015
It's McDonald's.

770
00:42:51,535 --> 00:42:52,665
Oh, they might have new stuff.

771
00:42:53,505 --> 00:42:53,845
Right.

772
00:42:53,935 --> 00:42:57,645
So for some people, a growth
mindset comes a little bit easier.

773
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,180
For some of us, we got
to work at it, right?

774
00:43:02,820 --> 00:43:05,800
How do we start to move off that?

775
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,390
I'm I'm going to do it the way I've
always done it, the way I'm comfortable

776
00:43:10,390 --> 00:43:14,420
doing it and start moving into opening
up our minds a little bit more.

777
00:43:16,039 --> 00:43:19,390
I think, I think the biggest
thing is realizing that it can't

778
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:20,739
be the biggest thing, right?

779
00:43:20,980 --> 00:43:23,699
If I think about losing a hundred pounds.

780
00:43:24,915 --> 00:43:25,925
That's a big number.

781
00:43:25,935 --> 00:43:31,855
I've done that now, but it wasn't
something that happened in a day, a week.

782
00:43:31,875 --> 00:43:33,605
It was three years in the making.

783
00:43:33,705 --> 00:43:40,364
So if we think about growth mindset as
taking things down in smaller pieces one

784
00:43:40,364 --> 00:43:47,165
day at a time and those cliches about it,
then we can build one day at a time better

785
00:43:47,165 --> 00:43:49,885
than we can build at that three year mark.

786
00:43:51,100 --> 00:43:53,500
For more speaking from
my, my background here.

787
00:43:54,050 --> 00:43:59,590
So the growth mindset in, in smaller
pieces is a lot easier to achieve

788
00:43:59,630 --> 00:44:03,069
than climbing that mountain or
losing that, that amount of weight

789
00:44:03,090 --> 00:44:05,459
or changing your entire identity.

790
00:44:08,399 --> 00:44:11,600
Now you, you've successfully,
I don't, my voice just broke.

791
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:11,900
Wow.

792
00:44:12,829 --> 00:44:13,730
It's a good morning.

793
00:44:15,310 --> 00:44:19,550
Um, You successfully changed
your identity drastically from

794
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:20,870
where this conversation started.

795
00:44:20,870 --> 00:44:25,520
And from where you came from,
you made what people would call

796
00:44:25,529 --> 00:44:27,710
radical changes to your life.

797
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:33,759
And from what I understand, you made
them through building successful habits.

798
00:44:34,589 --> 00:44:35,439
Is that correct?

799
00:44:35,540 --> 00:44:35,870
Yeah.

800
00:44:36,989 --> 00:44:37,149
Okay.

801
00:44:37,370 --> 00:44:40,950
So let's talk about habit building
because people don't know.

802
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,930
Sometimes you, you go,
Oh, I'm going to do this.

803
00:44:44,650 --> 00:44:45,120
Right.

804
00:44:45,260 --> 00:44:46,600
And we think we're starting a new habit.

805
00:44:46,985 --> 00:44:51,045
But we don't really know on that.

806
00:44:51,145 --> 00:44:53,695
So what does it look like to
start building a successful

807
00:44:53,695 --> 00:44:56,435
habit to move towards change?

808
00:44:57,464 --> 00:45:02,875
So, I guess when I started and I
committed to doing a dry January

809
00:45:02,945 --> 00:45:06,875
for the sake of feeling better,
um, I committed to that 30 days.

810
00:45:07,185 --> 00:45:12,305
And 30 days and through through the
struggles that that came from changing

811
00:45:12,535 --> 00:45:16,845
that lifestyle to becoming something
different, committing to 30 days and

812
00:45:16,855 --> 00:45:22,075
working through, you know, day to time,
getting through that month was was a

813
00:45:22,085 --> 00:45:25,454
big step, but it was, you know, there's
other people around me that were doing a

814
00:45:25,454 --> 00:45:27,624
dry January kind of became a bit easier.

815
00:45:27,915 --> 00:45:35,015
And as I started to learn about habit
changes and 21 days or cycles of 21 days

816
00:45:35,015 --> 00:45:40,825
or 100 days to change a lifestyle, my
goals started to change from just 30

817
00:45:40,835 --> 00:45:44,715
days to that 60 day mark or 100 day mark.

818
00:45:44,775 --> 00:45:50,815
And, um, whether it's, you know, some,
a small habit we want to change, like

819
00:45:50,855 --> 00:45:52,355
I worked on brushing my teeth better.

820
00:45:52,355 --> 00:45:54,295
I didn't like my, my dental health.

821
00:45:54,295 --> 00:45:54,655
So.

822
00:45:55,155 --> 00:45:58,995
Um, or it's something large like not
drinking or, you know, losing weight.

823
00:45:59,135 --> 00:46:02,855
It's like breaking that down,
doing it one day at a time.

824
00:46:03,035 --> 00:46:05,995
So changing that habit, brushing my teeth.

825
00:46:05,995 --> 00:46:09,485
I was marking every day in the
morning on the calendar where

826
00:46:09,485 --> 00:46:10,915
I kept track of everything.

827
00:46:11,205 --> 00:46:12,594
Checkmark in the morning when I did it.

828
00:46:12,634 --> 00:46:15,085
Checkmark before bed every day.

829
00:46:15,195 --> 00:46:15,785
Counting it up.

830
00:46:15,825 --> 00:46:17,265
100 days.

831
00:46:17,735 --> 00:46:21,585
And then, um, just testing myself after.

832
00:46:21,625 --> 00:46:22,135
It was.

833
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:25,900
Trying these different things I
wanted to work on for this period

834
00:46:25,900 --> 00:46:30,719
of time and then testing myself
to see whether or not it stuck the

835
00:46:30,720 --> 00:46:32,340
way that I was learning it should.

836
00:46:32,730 --> 00:46:39,070
And that brushing my teeth example was,
was a huge eye opener because at that

837
00:46:39,080 --> 00:46:44,000
hundred day mark, when I stopped tracking
it, To test whether or not it worked.

838
00:46:44,330 --> 00:46:48,900
It was, I couldn't go to bed
or I couldn't leave my house to

839
00:46:48,910 --> 00:46:50,570
go for work without doing that.

840
00:46:50,640 --> 00:46:52,160
It became a huge part.

841
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,049
I'd be in bed and be like,
Oh, no, I didn't do that yet.

842
00:46:54,049 --> 00:46:54,800
I got to go do that.

843
00:46:55,190 --> 00:46:56,890
Whereas before I'd be like, Oh, it's fine.

844
00:46:56,890 --> 00:46:57,980
I'll do it in the morning.

845
00:46:58,619 --> 00:47:04,960
And, and doing that with drinking water
or not drinking alcohol or whatever.

846
00:47:05,365 --> 00:47:10,185
Keeping track of it on the calendar and
working on getting to that, you know,

847
00:47:10,205 --> 00:47:16,105
30 day, 60 day, 100 day mark, breaking
it down as small as it was, gave me

848
00:47:16,365 --> 00:47:23,015
all the tools, all the confidence to,
to try different things and add more

849
00:47:23,025 --> 00:47:25,785
to it or subtract to it as, as I grew.

850
00:47:27,455 --> 00:47:30,835
I like the idea of starting with something
small, like brushing your teeth, right?

851
00:47:30,985 --> 00:47:31,915
As parents.

852
00:47:33,065 --> 00:47:34,375
We're on top of our kids.

853
00:47:34,405 --> 00:47:36,125
Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, right?

854
00:47:36,535 --> 00:47:39,035
It's the morning, brush your teeth,
go to bed, brush your teeth, right?

855
00:47:39,355 --> 00:47:41,325
We're really good about that as parents.

856
00:47:41,705 --> 00:47:45,864
I, I've had my daughters like, why
are you guys so insistent about that?

857
00:47:46,405 --> 00:47:48,634
Because we're building good
habits, whether you know it or

858
00:47:48,634 --> 00:47:50,434
not, we're building good habits.

859
00:47:51,094 --> 00:47:56,844
But I think as adults, we often think we
have to reach for something more grand.

860
00:47:58,925 --> 00:48:02,875
And I think sometimes just, just with
something small, like brushing your teeth,

861
00:48:03,435 --> 00:48:06,865
right, whatever it is, two times a day,
three times a day, whatever you do in

862
00:48:06,865 --> 00:48:15,615
your home, I think just having success
at finessing that habit and reinforcing

863
00:48:15,615 --> 00:48:18,595
that habit would help a lot of guys.

864
00:48:19,620 --> 00:48:25,640
Step into, it was like, Oh, I, I brushed
my teeth twice a day for 60 days straight.

865
00:48:26,460 --> 00:48:27,200
I hope so.

866
00:48:27,380 --> 00:48:30,540
But you know, I gotta admit,
I haven't always done it.

867
00:48:30,550 --> 00:48:33,070
So, you know, but right.

868
00:48:33,160 --> 00:48:37,080
Just having success at that, I
think helps build that habit.

869
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,339
I think you can take on
something maybe a little bigger.

870
00:48:41,999 --> 00:48:44,000
Is that your, yeah, absolutely.

871
00:48:44,390 --> 00:48:48,610
And because it was something, as
I learned about habits and trying

872
00:48:48,610 --> 00:48:52,670
it, it was something that, um,
one, I wanted to get better at.

873
00:48:53,100 --> 00:48:56,690
But, but two wasn't something
that was going to hurt me.

874
00:48:56,830 --> 00:48:59,330
It wasn't something that was
like, I need to go to the gym

875
00:48:59,330 --> 00:49:01,830
for an hour every day forever.

876
00:49:02,010 --> 00:49:06,180
It was, it wasn't something like,
I'm going to go run a marathon or

877
00:49:06,180 --> 00:49:07,479
I'm going to lose a hundred pounds.

878
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,980
It was, it was something that was
small enough that I could test

879
00:49:11,840 --> 00:49:15,830
the things I was learning about
tracking it, you know, marking it

880
00:49:15,830 --> 00:49:17,450
on the calendar gave me a visual.

881
00:49:17,740 --> 00:49:21,419
And then seeing the days build up as
I'm going through the days and the

882
00:49:21,420 --> 00:49:25,570
months and seeing all these little
check marks for doing it gave me that.

883
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:31,410
accountability and even more confidence
because then I'm seeing like, wow, like

884
00:49:31,410 --> 00:49:34,510
this has been 15, 20, 30, 60 days already.

885
00:49:34,510 --> 00:49:38,750
Like I'm going to get to that a hundred
and, and then celebrating it as, as

886
00:49:38,750 --> 00:49:40,450
I reached these different milestones.

887
00:49:40,450 --> 00:49:44,249
And that celebration doesn't
have to be, you know, grand.

888
00:49:44,249 --> 00:49:48,660
It just, Just something that,
that gives you that dopamine that,

889
00:49:48,660 --> 00:49:52,100
that says like, I'm doing a good
job because we, we need that.

890
00:49:52,260 --> 00:49:57,010
And once I learned about this, uh,
you know, that, that this works, I

891
00:49:57,010 --> 00:49:58,450
started doing it with other things.

892
00:49:58,460 --> 00:50:02,850
Like my calendar at one point, I had
little check marks for brushing my teeth.

893
00:50:02,879 --> 00:50:05,820
I had circles on the
day for drinking water.

894
00:50:05,820 --> 00:50:10,375
If I drank these two jugs that I, uh, This
jug that I had, my goal was twice a day,

895
00:50:10,375 --> 00:50:12,385
so I'd circle the day twice for, for that.

896
00:50:12,975 --> 00:50:13,495
There you go.

897
00:50:13,775 --> 00:50:19,735
And then I was, uh, you know, if I
could, could exercise for 10 minutes.

898
00:50:20,145 --> 00:50:23,195
Like it wasn't anything grand, but
I wanted to get better at working

899
00:50:23,195 --> 00:50:26,855
out or having that physical,
physical health, uh, improvement.

900
00:50:26,855 --> 00:50:29,165
So I didn't commit to an hour.

901
00:50:29,165 --> 00:50:30,115
It was 10 minutes.

902
00:50:30,125 --> 00:50:32,895
So that 10 minutes became another
little mark on the calendar.

903
00:50:32,924 --> 00:50:39,305
And everything that I was keeping track
of for that period of time, because it was

904
00:50:39,305 --> 00:50:43,065
these little marks, okay, it was easier
to fit inside the box on the calendar.

905
00:50:43,410 --> 00:50:45,070
But I didn't have to talk about it.

906
00:50:45,230 --> 00:50:48,300
I didn't have to tell anybody that I
didn't want to tell what I was working

907
00:50:48,300 --> 00:50:51,820
on because that calendar was right
out in the open where I could see it.

908
00:50:51,890 --> 00:50:54,719
I would run into it every time
I committed out of the house.

909
00:50:54,749 --> 00:50:59,140
It was great with our mudroom or
towards the garage entrance that we use.

910
00:50:59,419 --> 00:51:02,750
And if I felt vulnerable and I didn't
want to talk about it, I didn't have to.

911
00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,550
I could tell them whatever I wanted
to, if I needed to, just to say what

912
00:51:06,550 --> 00:51:07,890
I felt comfortable in that moment.

913
00:51:08,220 --> 00:51:10,830
But in my head, I knew that, you
know, these check marks were this,

914
00:51:10,900 --> 00:51:12,340
the squiggles were that, and.

915
00:51:12,735 --> 00:51:16,405
By keeping track of everything that
way, you know, I would learn that,

916
00:51:16,465 --> 00:51:20,035
okay, brushing my teeth after a
hundred days, well, I feel good and

917
00:51:20,035 --> 00:51:22,145
it's just a part of me now, but.

918
00:51:22,525 --> 00:51:24,695
Working out a hundred days.

919
00:51:24,695 --> 00:51:27,105
I just, I don't feel like I can continue.

920
00:51:27,105 --> 00:51:30,835
So like for instance, right
now I've been doing sit ups.

921
00:51:30,875 --> 00:51:32,645
It was something I wanted
to do right before bed.

922
00:51:32,645 --> 00:51:34,805
So I started just doing one.

923
00:51:34,904 --> 00:51:40,135
I just wanted to go sit on the floor, do
a sit up and then quickly that, that one

924
00:51:40,135 --> 00:51:42,665
sit up became 10, 10 is the new goal.

925
00:51:42,945 --> 00:51:48,365
And then 50 for a hundred days, I did
50 sit ups before bed started this year.

926
00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:49,375
Now I'm at a hundred.

927
00:51:49,820 --> 00:51:55,000
And it's the same mark on the calendar
because in the, in the beginning, that

928
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:56,140
mark on the calendar, that dopamine.

929
00:51:57,245 --> 00:52:02,735
It, it means the same to me then as
it does now, but I'm, I've evolved.

930
00:52:02,795 --> 00:52:04,255
I can handle more now.

931
00:52:04,885 --> 00:52:09,224
That check mark means the same to me now
because it's a consistent mark, but it's,

932
00:52:09,855 --> 00:52:15,344
it's, I've, I've allowed the habit to grow
because I'm comfortable with that growth.

933
00:52:15,735 --> 00:52:20,715
And whatever it is we're working on,
start with something that's possible.

934
00:52:20,865 --> 00:52:24,425
And as you build your confidence,
no, no, that check mark might

935
00:52:24,425 --> 00:52:26,335
not change, but the meaning.

936
00:52:26,580 --> 00:52:29,340
Might change because
you're able to do more.

937
00:52:29,540 --> 00:52:34,730
And if you can't, if one day, because
life happens that like, and I, and I went

938
00:52:34,730 --> 00:52:37,300
through this, like we can't do a hundred.

939
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:41,070
We can't do an hour walk or we
can't do whatever we're working on.

940
00:52:41,480 --> 00:52:42,510
Let's go back to that.

941
00:52:42,510 --> 00:52:43,480
Just let's do one.

942
00:52:44,015 --> 00:52:44,885
Let's do one.

943
00:52:45,115 --> 00:52:48,755
That's perfect enough because we, you
know, we've had COVID or we're sick or

944
00:52:48,755 --> 00:52:50,345
we're, you know, something happened.

945
00:52:50,835 --> 00:52:55,045
At least that, that one minute or
that one thing gives us the check mark

946
00:52:55,045 --> 00:52:58,254
we can continue with our growth and
not feel like we've lost everything.

947
00:52:59,585 --> 00:53:01,605
Those check marks are kind
of like gamifying, guys.

948
00:53:01,615 --> 00:53:04,614
It's like hitting the like button
because you're digging this episode.

949
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,480
And, uh, sharing it with your
friends or leaving a review.

950
00:53:07,790 --> 00:53:12,310
It's that gamification that actually
like we feed on social media

951
00:53:12,310 --> 00:53:14,680
platforms are built on gamification.

952
00:53:14,690 --> 00:53:15,480
They really are.

953
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:19,820
It's that short, small dopamine hit
of getting the like, or the thumbs

954
00:53:19,990 --> 00:53:21,929
up or whatever platform you're on.

955
00:53:22,510 --> 00:53:27,990
That little check Mark gamifying
things is a huge, huge game

956
00:53:27,990 --> 00:53:29,470
changer for building habits.

957
00:53:30,090 --> 00:53:36,405
Instead of looking at it as I have
to check this off, On a to do list,

958
00:53:37,115 --> 00:53:39,295
start gamifying things, right?

959
00:53:39,565 --> 00:53:40,095
Hit that.

960
00:53:40,545 --> 00:53:44,715
Oh, after I hit, you know, 30
days of that mark being there, I'm

961
00:53:44,745 --> 00:53:47,545
going to do this for myself, right?

962
00:53:47,855 --> 00:53:48,765
Gamify that.

963
00:53:48,785 --> 00:53:50,694
Like I'm, I'm working on a new protocol.

964
00:53:50,695 --> 00:53:51,109
I'm, I'm.

965
00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:53,810
Testing cold showers.

966
00:53:54,430 --> 00:53:57,200
I I'm a big believer in cold immersion.

967
00:53:57,270 --> 00:54:00,350
I know factually the science
behind that and how it works.

968
00:54:00,910 --> 00:54:05,429
There's been some debate over the years
of my research, uh, and articles and

969
00:54:05,430 --> 00:54:10,320
researchers over whether showers will
accommodate the same thing, but I'm

970
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:11,599
actually working through a process.

971
00:54:11,599 --> 00:54:11,769
Right.

972
00:54:11,890 --> 00:54:13,660
And I have a running checklist.

973
00:54:14,210 --> 00:54:15,720
It was like, don't break your streak.

974
00:54:15,720 --> 00:54:16,489
Right.

975
00:54:17,130 --> 00:54:20,600
And now it's started it irks me i'm
like no no i'm not gonna break the

976
00:54:20,600 --> 00:54:23,480
streak I don't care if it's 11 o'clock
and i'm taking a cold shower right

977
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,745
now Just so I can check that off.

978
00:54:25,745 --> 00:54:27,285
I don't want to break the streak, right?

979
00:54:28,275 --> 00:54:34,975
Uh, it's amazing how gamifying habits
Will help you make change in your life.

980
00:54:34,995 --> 00:54:41,764
Yeah, and starting starting somewhere
possible Gives us that confidence to to

981
00:54:41,814 --> 00:54:47,530
keep going and to build We we can't You
know, build something without a solid

982
00:54:47,530 --> 00:54:51,490
foundation and that solid foundation
just has to be getting started.

983
00:54:51,550 --> 00:54:53,170
The hardest thing is getting started.

984
00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:56,799
So if it's just one sit up, or if it's
just, you know, one minute in that

985
00:54:56,800 --> 00:55:00,690
cold shower to get to the confidence
to have, you know, full three minutes

986
00:55:00,690 --> 00:55:04,640
or half an hour or whatever the goal
is, you know, getting started, we

987
00:55:04,640 --> 00:55:07,270
have to, to make it possible enough.

988
00:55:07,530 --> 00:55:12,450
And like, uh, you know, Stephen Covey's,
you know, begin with the end in mind.

989
00:55:12,620 --> 00:55:14,410
If a hundred pounds is the goal.

990
00:55:14,745 --> 00:55:17,875
Let's just worry about one pound
or let's just worry about that.

991
00:55:17,905 --> 00:55:19,695
You know, 10 seconds in the cold thing.

992
00:55:19,695 --> 00:55:23,424
It's like break that, have
that big goal in mind.

993
00:55:23,435 --> 00:55:26,755
This is where I'd like to get
to, but having that small one

994
00:55:26,755 --> 00:55:30,254
is, is the check mark, it is the
circle, it is the consistency.

995
00:55:30,254 --> 00:55:34,425
And, you know, for me, it was a
calendar on the way out, but maybe

996
00:55:34,425 --> 00:55:38,395
it's, it's a notification on your phone
where you see that thing pop in every

997
00:55:38,395 --> 00:55:42,255
day and you do that, that item that
you're working on and, and you, and

998
00:55:42,255 --> 00:55:46,460
you knock it off on your, your, your,
Um, you know, your app, your tracking

999
00:55:46,460 --> 00:55:48,420
app, there's different ways to do it.

1000
00:55:48,420 --> 00:55:52,240
It's all about finding what makes the most
sense and is easiest for where you are

1001
00:55:52,240 --> 00:55:54,200
with your life and what works for you.

1002
00:55:54,970 --> 00:56:00,139
And I like, I like to focus on the smaller
guys, like my cold shower protocol.

1003
00:56:00,139 --> 00:56:02,419
It's a professionally done protocol.

1004
00:56:02,420 --> 00:56:05,950
I'm going through, it started
with 10 second increments.

1005
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:11,020
Like the first, the first week was
literally just 10 seconds in the cold.

1006
00:56:11,370 --> 00:56:13,359
And they were talking to
you through techniques.

1007
00:56:13,359 --> 00:56:13,419
Yeah.

1008
00:56:13,905 --> 00:56:15,615
Prepping you to switch to cold.

1009
00:56:16,125 --> 00:56:20,905
T TGU brain breathing technique needs to
get used to it, but it was 10 seconds.

1010
00:56:21,255 --> 00:56:24,484
It wasn't like, all right, guys, we're
going to take a 20 minute cold shower.

1011
00:56:25,385 --> 00:56:29,305
It was 10 and my brain went,
I can be cold for 10 seconds.

1012
00:56:30,384 --> 00:56:30,794
Right.

1013
00:56:31,005 --> 00:56:34,174
That that's a digestible piece.

1014
00:56:35,675 --> 00:56:39,095
And I've been doing it now for, I think,
two and a half weeks or something.

1015
00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:43,065
And we're only up to like 20 or
30 seconds, but it's, you know,

1016
00:56:43,445 --> 00:56:46,405
Moving in little gradual steps.

1017
00:56:46,905 --> 00:56:49,295
And it's like, I did 10 seconds.

1018
00:56:49,295 --> 00:56:50,545
I can do 15 seconds.

1019
00:56:51,825 --> 00:56:52,685
This isn't as bad.

1020
00:56:52,685 --> 00:56:54,145
I can do 15 seconds.

1021
00:56:54,145 --> 00:56:54,535
Right.

1022
00:56:55,095 --> 00:56:58,465
Those little digestible chunks
are so incredibly important.

1023
00:56:59,295 --> 00:56:59,625
Yeah.

1024
00:56:59,805 --> 00:57:00,855
And it's, it's not, yeah.

1025
00:57:00,855 --> 00:57:04,505
Going from 10 seconds to
three minutes right away.

1026
00:57:04,595 --> 00:57:04,905
Right.

1027
00:57:04,905 --> 00:57:08,095
It's maybe you try it to see if you
can handle it, but then it's like

1028
00:57:08,325 --> 00:57:11,155
knowing that the goal is the 10 seconds.

1029
00:57:11,155 --> 00:57:13,055
The goal here is there.

1030
00:57:13,055 --> 00:57:13,325
And.

1031
00:57:14,545 --> 00:57:18,025
You know, if you're, if you're going for a
walk, like I started walking, it was like,

1032
00:57:18,445 --> 00:57:23,804
I'm just going to walk for a few minutes,
but in whatever you're looking at, just

1033
00:57:24,005 --> 00:57:29,004
putting those shoes on or just getting in
that tub or like, that's the hardest part.

1034
00:57:29,005 --> 00:57:33,795
So you, you already like going to the
gym, if you're at the gym, like when,

1035
00:57:33,825 --> 00:57:38,065
when James clear and atomic habits is
talking about just drive there, don't

1036
00:57:38,065 --> 00:57:39,415
even do anything, just drive there.

1037
00:57:39,695 --> 00:57:43,715
And then you're, you're getting
in that habit of driving there

1038
00:57:43,745 --> 00:57:45,205
while I might better go inside.

1039
00:57:45,645 --> 00:57:47,925
And then just go inside,
but don't do anything.

1040
00:57:47,925 --> 00:57:51,075
And then all of a sudden you're
finding yourself while I'm here, I'm

1041
00:57:51,075 --> 00:57:53,705
in the door, uh, I'm on the machine.

1042
00:57:53,915 --> 00:57:56,285
I might better go for a walk or I
might better start lifting something.

1043
00:57:56,285 --> 00:58:01,915
It's like you, you build up to a point
where you're used to going, you're making

1044
00:58:01,915 --> 00:58:06,505
it easier because now it's, it's part
of you to go to the gym because you've

1045
00:58:06,565 --> 00:58:10,765
done it this many days in a row where
you've, you've, you've created that habit.

1046
00:58:11,315 --> 00:58:14,545
So then you, you build off of that to
now I'm going to do something while

1047
00:58:14,545 --> 00:58:17,345
I'm here, or now I'm going to spend
a little bit more time in this tub,

1048
00:58:17,375 --> 00:58:21,834
or I'm going to, um, you know, go
another day, not eating cake after

1049
00:58:21,835 --> 00:58:23,595
dinner or whatever you're working on.

1050
00:58:23,595 --> 00:58:27,394
It, it, it relates so much to each other.

1051
00:58:27,394 --> 00:58:32,624
You really can change anything
with the same basic concept.

1052
00:58:32,965 --> 00:58:37,795
Um, just making it work with whatever
you're, you're trying to achieve.

1053
00:58:39,155 --> 00:58:46,430
Sean, we're At this threshold of there
are men listening who have identified,

1054
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:50,439
identified, I'm not sure that's what
I want to say, who have decided they

1055
00:58:50,439 --> 00:58:51,789
want to change up their identity.

1056
00:58:51,830 --> 00:58:52,840
They've looked at their life.

1057
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:55,800
They're going, this
isn't who I want to be.

1058
00:58:56,500 --> 00:58:59,499
This isn't how I want to show
up for myself or for my kids

1059
00:58:59,499 --> 00:59:01,100
or whatever the reason is.

1060
00:59:01,509 --> 00:59:04,330
This isn't who I want to be.

1061
00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:07,240
And I want to make change.

1062
00:59:07,240 --> 00:59:12,780
I want to start to become the iteration of
myself that I'm imagining that I want to

1063
00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:16,019
reach for what are the first three steps.

1064
00:59:16,735 --> 00:59:21,985
The main can take walking away from this
podcast to help them start down this path.

1065
00:59:23,905 --> 00:59:29,745
Um, the biggest step is asking ourself
better questions and that can come in

1066
00:59:29,745 --> 00:59:32,015
the form of, of a few different things.

1067
00:59:32,055 --> 00:59:36,015
But the biggest one for me was,
is this the person I want to be?

1068
00:59:36,525 --> 00:59:40,465
Or would the person I want to be do this?

1069
00:59:40,725 --> 00:59:45,505
So if I'm talking about
better health, would a healthy

1070
00:59:45,515 --> 00:59:47,925
person eat this dessert now?

1071
00:59:48,325 --> 00:59:51,885
Or would a healthy person
not have dessert today?

1072
00:59:52,335 --> 00:59:57,505
Would, um, someone that doesn't
drink have a drink right now?

1073
00:59:57,805 --> 01:00:05,150
Would, um, you know, would a better
father yell, Right now, or would I get

1074
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:10,980
down on the floor and talk it through
and give my kids a hug and just find

1075
01:00:10,980 --> 01:00:15,990
out what what's going on like there's
the better questions is, is the way to

1076
01:00:16,010 --> 01:00:20,080
make those better decisions would the
kind of person that I want to be do the

1077
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:21,970
thing or not do the thing in this moment.

1078
01:00:23,140 --> 01:00:25,360
The next thing is is yeah, take take it.

1079
01:00:25,765 --> 01:00:30,495
in those small, small doses,
take it in those small steps and

1080
01:00:30,505 --> 01:00:31,685
build when you're comfortable.

1081
01:00:32,245 --> 01:00:36,655
It's, it's the foundation for everything
I've been able to work on through

1082
01:00:36,655 --> 01:00:41,375
losing 100 pounds, being three years
sober, um, becoming that better person,

1083
01:00:41,375 --> 01:00:44,865
that better father, challenging the
narrative with the construction and

1084
01:00:44,885 --> 01:00:46,754
the masculine environments I'm in.

1085
01:00:47,045 --> 01:00:51,585
Um, deciding to be an author and,
and, and releasing that journal of

1086
01:00:51,585 --> 01:00:55,045
my first year to, to anyone that,
that could relate and, and want to

1087
01:00:55,045 --> 01:00:57,535
learn through those moments I was in.

1088
01:00:57,625 --> 01:01:02,335
Um, and then, and then I guess the third
thing is, is just don't beat yourself up.

1089
01:01:02,365 --> 01:01:07,775
Make sure that you realize like we
have to build from where we were

1090
01:01:07,795 --> 01:01:10,065
and it doesn't happen overnight.

1091
01:01:10,065 --> 01:01:13,955
We, we've got to give ourselves some
room and some, some credit that.

1092
01:01:14,415 --> 01:01:18,615
It is, it can be hard and,
and it can be possible too.

1093
01:01:20,275 --> 01:01:22,075
These things are achievable because.

1094
01:01:22,450 --> 01:01:23,740
People have done it, right?

1095
01:01:23,890 --> 01:01:26,470
What we're working on here is not new.

1096
01:01:26,510 --> 01:01:31,020
Like, if you want the best confidence,
just follow people that have done

1097
01:01:31,020 --> 01:01:34,220
it, or, you know, listen to stories
of people that have done it.

1098
01:01:34,220 --> 01:01:36,220
And if they've done it, you can do it too.

1099
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:39,450
What's next for Sean Robinson?

1100
01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:41,160
What's next?

1101
01:01:42,270 --> 01:01:45,980
What next for me is, is, uh,
I want to continue my growth.

1102
01:01:45,980 --> 01:01:49,900
I want to, um, still want to
get more, you know, into the gym

1103
01:01:49,910 --> 01:01:51,620
more and work on some definition.

1104
01:01:52,110 --> 01:01:56,740
Um, losing a hundred pounds of, of
my terrible diet, uh, and, and habits

1105
01:01:56,740 --> 01:01:59,640
in the past hasn't given me that.

1106
01:01:59,770 --> 01:02:02,505
And, and, I started running last year.

1107
01:02:02,705 --> 01:02:06,915
I was very much a vulnerable position
and somewhere I've never thought I'd

1108
01:02:06,925 --> 01:02:12,755
be, but I ran my first half marathon
in the spring and it, uh, it was

1109
01:02:12,765 --> 01:02:14,355
never something I thought I would be.

1110
01:02:14,355 --> 01:02:15,865
It was not who I thought I was.

1111
01:02:15,885 --> 01:02:18,515
And, and I enjoyed it enough to want to.

1112
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:19,980
At least try and beat my time.

1113
01:02:19,980 --> 01:02:24,470
So this year, I've joined a running
group and I volunteered to help for a

1114
01:02:24,470 --> 01:02:29,660
running event and then actually this
weekend, January, that wasn't really

1115
01:02:29,660 --> 01:02:35,110
wanting to run in, but at least I'll help
out and just kind of build off of this

1116
01:02:35,110 --> 01:02:37,289
growth that I've been able to achieve.

1117
01:02:38,150 --> 01:02:42,450
So far, where's the best place
for people to connect with you?

1118
01:02:43,530 --> 01:02:47,470
Uh, the best place is through
my website, uh, seanrobinson.

1119
01:02:47,500 --> 01:02:47,960
ca.

1120
01:02:48,340 --> 01:02:50,170
I've got a contact me page.

1121
01:02:50,440 --> 01:02:52,850
Everything goes direct to me there.

1122
01:02:52,950 --> 01:02:55,970
It's, uh, I, I, I'm the
only one that reviews it.

1123
01:02:55,970 --> 01:02:57,680
I'll answer anything that comes in.

1124
01:02:58,220 --> 01:03:02,810
Um, if i've got contacts there for, for
all my socials, uh, on the bottom with

1125
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:10,930
linkedin and Um tiktok youtube everywhere
that I'm at and uh, It's probably, as

1126
01:03:10,930 --> 01:03:14,110
much as I'm on all the platforms, it's
probably the best place to kind of get

1127
01:03:14,110 --> 01:03:17,870
a good, good idea of, you know, where to
get ahold of me and what I'm working on.

1128
01:03:19,940 --> 01:03:20,400
Okay.

1129
01:03:20,430 --> 01:03:23,610
And guys, as always, we'll have
links for Sean in the show notes,

1130
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:26,030
the description, wherever you're
watching this or listening to this.

1131
01:03:26,430 --> 01:03:29,640
We'll make sure you can get in touch
with Sean and dig in farther with him.

1132
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:33,760
Now, I know you're all seriously
concerned about how long the U.

1133
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:33,920
S.

1134
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:35,630
border is between us and Canada.

1135
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:36,810
Uh, Sean, you guys.

1136
01:03:37,435 --> 01:03:39,205
5, 525 miles.

1137
01:03:39,245 --> 01:03:40,445
You are correct.

1138
01:03:40,945 --> 01:03:41,395
Awesome.

1139
01:03:41,395 --> 01:03:43,685
I never would have gotten that.

1140
01:03:44,795 --> 01:03:46,145
It was, it was a guess.

1141
01:03:46,215 --> 01:03:47,965
I'm, I'm from Canada.

1142
01:03:47,965 --> 01:03:49,315
So we're kilometers.

1143
01:03:49,325 --> 01:03:53,655
So the conversion to miles, it
was, uh, yeah, it was definitely,

1144
01:03:53,655 --> 01:03:58,530
uh, I guess, uh, that having to
convert things is never fair.

1145
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,550
It always gives you
the lower hand on that.

1146
01:04:02,550 --> 01:04:03,430
So I'm, I'm impressed.

1147
01:04:03,430 --> 01:04:06,510
Like I look up the questions because
there's no way I would've gotten that one.

1148
01:04:08,710 --> 01:04:09,560
Something, I don't know.

1149
01:04:09,590 --> 01:04:10,730
It's just so many miles.

1150
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:16,160
Sean, if the audience hears
nothing else today, take us out.

1151
01:04:16,180 --> 01:04:18,720
What is the most important thing
you want people to hear today?

1152
01:04:20,260 --> 01:04:24,710
The most important thing is that we're
all going through every version of this

1153
01:04:24,730 --> 01:04:26,860
and that it's possible to come through.

1154
01:04:27,490 --> 01:04:28,120
You deserve it.

1155
01:04:29,215 --> 01:04:33,455
Give yourself a credit and just pick
out at one, one small piece at a time.

1156
01:04:35,255 --> 01:04:38,495
Guys for Sean Robinson and myself
here at the fallible man podcast.

1157
01:04:38,895 --> 01:04:40,275
Thanks for hanging out with us today.

1158
01:04:40,605 --> 01:04:43,215
Be better tomorrow because what you do
today, and we'll see you on the next

1159
01:04:43,215 --> 01:04:50,445
one, this has been the fellow woman
podcast, your home for everything, man,

1160
01:04:50,895 --> 01:04:54,175
husband, and father, be sure to subscribe.

1161
01:04:54,175 --> 01:04:58,824
So you don't miss a show head over to www.

1162
01:04:58,825 --> 01:04:59,345
thefallibleman.

1163
01:04:59,845 --> 01:05:01,445
com for more content.

1164
01:05:01,965 --> 01:05:07,015
And get your own Fallow Man Gear.