Parenting preteens can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. As our children approach this crucial stage of development, we often find ourselves navigating uncharted waters. But fear not, fellow dads! With the right mindset and tools, we can not only survive but thrive during these transformative years.
The preteen years mark a significant shift in our children's lives. They're beginning to explore their independence, question authority, and grapple with complex emotions. It's a time of tremendous growth and change, both for them and for us as parents. While it may seem daunting, this period also presents an incredible opportunity to strengthen our relationship with our kids and guide them towards becoming confident, well-adjusted adults.
Understanding the Preteen Mind
Before we dive into strategies for effective parenting, it's crucial to understand what's happening in our preteens' minds. During this stage, their brains are undergoing significant changes. They're developing new neural pathways, which can lead to mood swings, impulsivity, and seemingly irrational behavior.
Remember, this is all part of the process. Our preteens aren't trying to drive us crazy (even if it feels that way sometimes). They're simply navigating a complex internal landscape while trying to make sense of the world around them.
The "Show Up" Framework
To help us navigate these turbulent waters, let's explore the "Show Up" framework, a powerful tool for building strong relationships with our preteens:
S - Start with a Strong Character Identity
Encourage your preteen to identify and develop their character strengths. This could include traits like kindness, perseverance, or creativity. By focusing on these positive attributes, we help our kids build a strong sense of self and resilience in the face of challenges.
H - Hold Space for Collaboration
Instead of always dictating rules and consequences, involve your preteen in problem-solving and decision-making processes. This fosters critical thinking skills and shows them that their opinions matter.
O - Open Up Communication
Create regular opportunities for open, judgment-free conversations with your preteen. This could be a weekly walk around the neighborhood or a designated "you time" where they have your undivided attention.
W - Wonder and Explore This World Together
Engage in shared projects or activities that allow you and your preteen to learn and grow together. This could be anything from taking up a new hobby to volunteering in your community.
U - Unveil Potential Together
Trust in your preteen's ability to grow and develop. Your role is to provide support and guidance, not to control their every move.
P - Present and Trustworthy
Above all, strive to be a consistent, reliable presence in your preteen's life. This means showing up not just physically, but emotionally as well.
Practical Steps for Implementation
Now that we've covered the framework, let's look at some practical steps we can take to build stronger relationships with our preteens:
- Communicate acceptance: Let your preteen know that you accept them for who they are, even as they're figuring that out for themselves.
- Prioritize self-care: Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of your own physical and emotional needs so you can show up fully for your preteen.
- Stay present: Cherish the moments you have with your preteen, knowing that this phase of life is fleeting.
- Set clear boundaries: While it's important to give preteens space to grow, they still need structure and guidance. Establish clear, fair rules and consequences.
- Listen more than you speak: Sometimes, our preteens just need us to hear them out without trying to fix everything.
- Model emotional intelligence: Show your preteen how to handle stress, disappointment, and other challenging emotions in healthy ways.
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting preteens. What works for one child may not work for another. The key is to remain flexible, patient, and committed to maintaining a strong connection with your preteen.
As we navigate these years together, let's embrace the challenges and joys that come with raising preteens. By showing up consistently, communicating openly, and fostering independence within safe boundaries, we can help our preteens grow into confident, capable young adults.
Parenting preteens may not always be easy, but it's undoubtedly one of the most rewarding experiences we'll ever have. So, let's roll up our sleeves, open our hearts, and embrace this incredible journey of growth and discovery – for our preteens and for ourselves.
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To dive deeper into parenting pre-teens and for a fuller over you of the SHOW UP Frame Work be sure to listen to the full interview with Marcus Higgs where he shares insights he has discovered as a Communication Coach for Parents of Preteens. Listen on any podcast platform to the full interview and unlock additional wisdom that can help you on your parenting Journey.
To help you start to apply these methods to your own parenting be sure and download the accompanying material for the podcast here.
