Raising a neurodivergent child can feel like navigating uncharted waters. As a parent, you want the best for your child, but sometimes it's hard to know exactly what that looks like. I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Andy and Cassie, parents of four children, including some who are neurodivergent. Their insights and experiences shed light on the challenges and joys of raising children whose brains are wired a bit differently.
Understanding Neurodivergence: It's a Spectrum, Not a Label
One of the first things Andy and Cassie emphasized is the wide range of what neurodivergence can look like. It's not just about autism or ADHD; it's a broad spectrum that includes various ways brains can be wired differently. As Andy put it, "Everybody's going to have some pieces of their personality that fall on the weird side."
This perspective is crucial because it helps us move away from rigid labels and towards a more nuanced understanding of how our children's minds work. It's not about categorizing kids as "normal" or "not normal," but rather recognizing and supporting their unique needs and strengths.
The Myth of "Looking Normal"
One of the biggest challenges Andy and Cassie face is the misconception that neurodivergent children should "look" a certain way. Cassie shared a poignant story about Halloween trick-or-treating:
"About three years ago was the first time she actually could say trick or treat for her own candy to everybody... Before then there would be people that would withhold candy, say trick or treat, say trick or treat. You don't get any candy."
This experience highlights how society often has expectations that don't align with the realities of neurodivergent children. It's a reminder for all of us to be more patient and understanding, especially in public settings.
The Power of Early Intervention
Both Andy and Cassie stressed the importance of early intervention. Cassie emphasized, "Early intervention. Early intervention. Early intervention." They started therapies with their daughter at 18 months old, which made a significant difference in her development.
For parents who suspect their child might be neurodivergent, don't wait. Reach out to your pediatrician, school district, or local resources for evaluations and support. As Cassie advises, "Your child doesn't know that their brain is not working the way that society says it should work. So you're the one there that... you're their advocate."
Navigating Social Interactions
One of the most challenging aspects of raising a neurodivergent child can be helping them navigate social interactions. Andy, who is also neurodivergent, shared his own experiences of learning to respond appropriately in social situations:
"It took a lot of practice after having it pointed out to me to know that I need to make a conciliatory face and sound, you know, concerned and be like, 'I'm so sorry. You know, are you doing okay?'"
This insight reminds us that social skills can be learned, even if they don't come naturally. It's about practice, patience, and understanding.
Handling Overstimulation
Overstimulation is a common challenge for many neurodivergent children. Andy and Cassie shared various strategies they've used over the years, from pressure holds when their daughter was younger to encouraging reading as a way to self-soothe now that she's older.
The key is to find what works for your child. It might be a weighted blanket, a quiet corner, or a specific activity. The goal is to help them regulate their emotions and sensory input in a way that works for them.
Balancing Growth and Happiness
When it comes to helping neurodivergent children adapt to the world around them, there's a delicate balance to strike. As Andy put it:
"Pushing a kid to an uncomfortable position, well, that's human nature. You want to push people into uncomfortable situations. That's what helps you grow, Right? With a neurodivergent kid, it's no different than when it comes to working out a muscle."
The key is to push gently, encouraging growth and adaptation without causing undue stress or anxiety. It's about finding that sweet spot where your child is challenged but not overwhelmed.
The Most Important Advice
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Andy and Cassie for their most important piece of advice for parents of neurodivergent children. Their responses were powerful:
Andy: "Watch and listen... Are you waiting to talk or are you listening?"
Cassie: "Early intervention... You're your child's advocate."
These words of wisdom remind us that parenting a neurodivergent child is about being present, being proactive, and being their strongest supporter.
Raising a neurodivergent child comes with its unique challenges, but it also brings incredible joys and opportunities for growth - both for the child and the parent. It's about embracing their unique perspective on the world and helping them find their place in it.
Remember, every child is different, neurodivergent or not. What works for one may not work for another. The most important thing is to keep learning, keep advocating, and keep loving your child for exactly who they are.
