Life is boring when we only talk to people we see eye to eye with; I like to talk to people to see their side. Dan Stillman considers himself an advocate for positive change for men, what do you think?
Life Coach Dan Stillman is a certified Positive ...
Life is boring when we only talk to people we see eye to eye with; I like to talk to people to see their side. Dan Stillman considers himself an advocate for positive change for men, what do you think?
Life Coach Dan Stillman is a certified Positive Psychology Practitioner, Transformational Mindset, and Integrative Medicine Health Coach. Who is trying to change men's perspectives
Join us as we discuss:
- Positive Psychology
- The "Truth" about Masculinity
- Thinking Traps
and more
Find Dan at
Websites:
https://holisticwellcare.coach
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/HolisticWellCareCoach
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/holisticwellcarecoach
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/danny_stillman
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1 00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,370 I want you to know that you're not alone. 2 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:06,600 And if you're struggling right now and you have one foot in and one foot out, 3 00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:12,150 actually taking that other step to, to move forward, to get the help you need. 4 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:16,379 Understand that there's people that could, that are here to support you. 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,180 Brent has this wonderful show. 6 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,100 I'm here to help as well. 7 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,710 There's so many you have support. 8 00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:26,978 Just don't be fearful and get yourself caught in this thing that you're 9 00:00:26,978 --> 00:00:28,358 afraid of what other people think. 10 00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:29,963 Because it's a myth. 11 00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:31,343 Nobody's thinking about you. 12 00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:33,473 Here's the million dollar question. 13 00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:37,643 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 14 00:00:37,643 --> 00:00:41,783 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 15 00:00:41,963 --> 00:00:46,463 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 16 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:48,983 That's the question in this podcast. 17 00:00:49,328 --> 00:00:50,618 We'll help you with those answers. 18 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:53,858 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 19 00:00:53,948 --> 00:00:56,078 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all 20 00:00:56,078 --> 00:00:57,428 things, man, husband, and father. 21 00:00:57,698 --> 00:00:58,958 Big shout out to Fallible Nation. 22 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:02,138 You guys make these shows possible and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. 23 00:01:02,468 --> 00:01:05,738 My name is Brent, and today my special guest is Life Coach Dan Stillman. 24 00:01:06,188 --> 00:01:08,348 Dan, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 25 00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:09,728 Hey, Brent. 26 00:01:09,728 --> 00:01:10,508 Thank you for having me. 27 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,538 Now, Dan, I don't do big introductions. 28 00:01:13,538 --> 00:01:14,948 I don't know how many episodes you might have. 29 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:19,778 But my first question is always, who is Dan Stillman in your own words? 30 00:01:21,728 --> 00:01:21,908 Well, 31 00:01:21,908 --> 00:01:27,824 Dan Stillman is somebody who has had some adversity in his life and has 32 00:01:28,294 --> 00:01:32,714 overcome that adversity to find his true passion of what he wants to do in life. 33 00:01:33,434 --> 00:01:40,154 And you know, through that I've developed a couple of brands that I'm trying to. 34 00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:44,924 Bring into fruition, into world, into the world to actually help men. 35 00:01:45,764 --> 00:01:51,932 And I, and I appreciate you providing this platform for me to discuss that 36 00:01:51,932 --> 00:01:57,422 and explain a little bit what I'm trying to create for men, specifically to help 37 00:01:57,422 --> 00:02:00,782 them grow emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically. 38 00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:04,592 Well, that's certainly something we can get behind here at the Fallible Man. 39 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:08,822 So, you know, I'm grateful for you taking the time to be on today now. 40 00:02:09,707 --> 00:02:12,707 Tell us a little bit about, you've got two different sites. 41 00:02:12,707 --> 00:02:15,287 You've got Holistic, WellCare and Minga. 42 00:02:16,037 --> 00:02:16,877 I'm saying that wrong. 43 00:02:16,877 --> 00:02:17,897 You can correct me in a second. 44 00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:19,697 , are they two separate entities? 45 00:02:19,847 --> 00:02:23,177 Are they just one and one's an extension of the other? 46 00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:25,247 Yeah. 47 00:02:25,247 --> 00:02:28,817 So, you know, back in, lemme just give you a little bit of a backstory. 48 00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:35,207 So back in 2017, I was laid off from a job that I was at for 11 years. 49 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:39,953 I've been in it for over 30 years and, you know, I kind of took a 50 00:02:39,962 --> 00:02:43,472 I just took a deep dive and said, what is my true passion in life? 51 00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:46,330 Like, what do I really wanna do with my life? 52 00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:50,501 And I think most people, you know, had that moment. 53 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:53,801 And some of us act on it, and some of us don't, you know? 54 00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:56,151 And I was just like, okay. 55 00:02:56,151 --> 00:03:01,209 When I look back at my life, my life story, I said, you know, Obviously 56 00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:04,239 these things for me, I believe that things happen for a reason. 57 00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:09,660 So I was sitting on the couch and this word yoa, which is the word men, in 58 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:15,500 between the word yoga, just popped up into my mind and I said, you know, Wow. 59 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,670 I like doing yoga. 60 00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:18,440 It's really transformed my life. 61 00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:20,960 And more importantly, I learned about breathing. 62 00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:24,320 Like, cause I, I have an intense personality and you know, I 63 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,850 tend to be a little anxious. 64 00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:29,480 And it was just something that really changed my life. 65 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,495 And during that time there was a lot of, Things in the news with 66 00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:37,755 like Matt Lauer and a bunch of other guys who were taken down. 67 00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:40,445 Cause he used the word toxic masculinity. 68 00:03:41,535 --> 00:03:46,305 And I said, what can I create that basically will help men grow 69 00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:49,065 emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually and physically? 70 00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,375 And I was like, I don't like that word toxic. 71 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,955 Now I know there's a few bad apples out there. 72 00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:54,885 Right. 73 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:57,567 But I don't think they became toxic. 74 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:01,925 You know, like overnight I think we're the product of our environments, of how we're 75 00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:07,115 raised environmental factors, and I don't wanna be lumped under that word toxic 76 00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:08,915 cause I've done a lot of work on myself. 77 00:04:08,995 --> 00:04:09,485 I agree. 78 00:04:09,485 --> 00:04:10,895 I consider myself toxic. 79 00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,565 I consider myself uneducated. 80 00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:19,925 So I want to break this stereotype and create something, which yo 81 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,875 manga is what it's all about. 82 00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:26,960 Is to change that word from toxic to uneducated. 83 00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:31,550 So I just dove deep and said, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. 84 00:04:31,555 --> 00:04:34,730 And I created a course called Get Real Deal and Heal. 85 00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:41,000 As a result of that, I needed more information, so I decided, I was 86 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:44,810 looking through the internet and I saw this thing, positive psychology, and I 87 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:46,280 was like, what's positive psychology? 88 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,510 I never heard of positive Psych. 89 00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:50,375 And it's the study of human flourishing. 90 00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:52,535 Now people say, oh, you learn positive psychology. 91 00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,005 You walk around positive all the time. 92 00:04:54,005 --> 00:04:56,855 No, that's not what positive psychology is. 93 00:04:57,735 --> 00:05:02,405 Positive psychology is basically teaching you that you're human, you 94 00:05:02,405 --> 00:05:07,836 have emotions, and it's normal to have these emotions, and you learn such as. 95 00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:13,490 Such things such as self-regulation and growth versus fixed mindset and resilience 96 00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:19,490 skills, and a lot of concepts that people probably never heard about or never 97 00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:25,578 knew existed, and that, you know, we're supposed to have all these emotions. 98 00:05:25,578 --> 00:05:32,209 The key thing here is not to get stuck in the not so positive emotion, right? 99 00:05:32,209 --> 00:05:32,529 Mm-hmm. 100 00:05:32,609 --> 00:05:32,809 to. 101 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,549 Developed these tools. 102 00:05:34,549 --> 00:05:38,299 So I created this course and I've been in therapy because of some 103 00:05:38,359 --> 00:05:42,739 abandonment issues I had to deal with and some like, you know, back in the 104 00:05:42,744 --> 00:05:45,529 seventies, considered spankings normal. 105 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,799 Well, I got the crap kicked outta me and that could have a 106 00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:52,579 detrimental effect on you, you know, and it causes a lot of shame. 107 00:05:53,259 --> 00:06:00,004 So, The thing that you know, I'm trying, was trying to emphasize 108 00:06:00,004 --> 00:06:04,534 by creating the Get real deal in Heal course is that therapy could 109 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:06,604 help you deal with trauma, right? 110 00:06:06,604 --> 00:06:10,354 All of us have some sort of trauma that happens in our lives, 111 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,774 but if you don't deal with that trauma, you're gonna be stuck. 112 00:06:13,924 --> 00:06:15,844 But what happens after you deal with that trauma? 113 00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:17,254 Go to therapy, you get the help? 114 00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:18,274 What's the next step? 115 00:06:18,274 --> 00:06:21,394 They don't really tell you what you should do after. 116 00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:24,784 So people just don't have the tools of finding, okay, what 117 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,914 about, what am I passionate about? 118 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,274 What are the things that I'm meant to do on this earth? 119 00:06:30,304 --> 00:06:35,074 What special gifts do I have that I am not allowing myself to 120 00:06:35,074 --> 00:06:39,951 basically you know, pursue where I could be my true, authentic self. 121 00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:41,811 Be vulnerable as a man. 122 00:06:42,171 --> 00:06:46,484 Break down that myth of toxic masculinity and how math, the myth 123 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,584 of masculinity that mentioned cry. 124 00:06:48,589 --> 00:06:48,674 They. 125 00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,284 You know, communicate their feelings. 126 00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:54,104 They, you know, men are people pleasers. 127 00:06:54,104 --> 00:06:57,404 They have a hard time accepting a strong woman in their life 128 00:06:57,404 --> 00:06:58,634 because they feel intimidated. 129 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:05,324 So, you know, this is the path that I was led down to create, you know, yo manga. 130 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,632 And then that kind of stemming from there. 131 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:13,067 I got into the holistic nutrition part of it because I had some stomach 132 00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:18,167 issues growing up, and so I became a certified integrated nutrition person, 133 00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:21,737 and then I became a yoga instructor and a transformational mindset. 134 00:07:22,337 --> 00:07:28,157 And I did this because I did wanna learn some things, obviously, but I also said 135 00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:32,627 if I'm creating a brand and I'm launching something and I'm offering these services 136 00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:37,097 to men, and I'm hiring subcontractors, I need to understand as a ceo. 137 00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:42,917 What exactly they do so I could be, you know, do the appropriate thing 138 00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:45,497 and get the right people to help men. 139 00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:48,937 So that was a long-winded answer, , but that, that's, 140 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,771 well actually you killed two birds with one stone. 141 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,171 Cause my next question was, what is positive psychology? 142 00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:56,289 So, okay you got ahead of me there and manage to answer 143 00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:57,159 that one at the same time. 144 00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:57,849 So that works. 145 00:07:57,849 --> 00:08:01,489 Hey, that's, that was the next, cause I read that in your bio and. 146 00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,295 I don't have any idea what that is. 147 00:08:03,385 --> 00:08:04,495 I so, yeah. 148 00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:06,453 You went ahead and answered that, so that works out good. 149 00:08:06,513 --> 00:08:07,383 Don't worry about that. 150 00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:08,103 And you know what? 151 00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:08,343 Cool. 152 00:08:08,403 --> 00:08:10,636 You can't necessarily shortchange some answers. 153 00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,177 You just can't. 154 00:08:11,887 --> 00:08:15,118 Yeah I have a habit of sometimes overexplaining things, but I tell 155 00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,430 people all the time, it's like, no there's the answer and you either 156 00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,645 want to hear it or you don't. 157 00:08:19,645 --> 00:08:25,331 We have this microwave society where we all want the ten second answer or the. 158 00:08:25,831 --> 00:08:26,191 Right. 159 00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:27,361 This, the scroll. 160 00:08:28,201 --> 00:08:28,501 Yeah. 161 00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:29,221 World we live 162 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:29,491 in. 163 00:08:30,331 --> 00:08:30,511 Yeah. 164 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,031 We can't poo pull it, you know, it's like you're just, and 165 00:08:33,231 --> 00:08:34,081 you're just being yourself. 166 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:38,641 Why would you wanna, you know, not give the true answer of how 167 00:08:38,641 --> 00:08:39,691 you're feeling in the moment. 168 00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:40,321 Right, 169 00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:41,461 exactly. 170 00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:42,631 So, Dan, yeah. 171 00:08:42,991 --> 00:08:46,561 I had to ask you if you could sit down and have a conversation with anyone 172 00:08:46,561 --> 00:08:47,921 in history, who would be and why? 173 00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:52,231 If anyone in history who passed away? 174 00:08:52,471 --> 00:08:53,161 Anyone already? 175 00:08:53,671 --> 00:08:54,241 Anyone. 176 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:55,351 Anyone? 177 00:08:56,431 --> 00:08:58,121 Oh, that's an interesting question. 178 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:00,649 I've who would I wanna sit down with? 179 00:09:02,589 --> 00:09:02,749 Hmm. 180 00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:07,197 I probably wanna sit down with who the creator of the universe, 181 00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:12,237 , because I probably have so many questions of why we're here and, 182 00:09:12,387 --> 00:09:14,587 you know, we're always striving for. 183 00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:20,457 You know, what is our true purpose and is there a meaning to all of this? 184 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:26,427 You know, some of us coast along and just never really take a look 185 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:32,097 introspectively introspective of who we are as a individual. 186 00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:37,416 And you know, that's something that I want to know. 187 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:43,576 And I'd wanna know why this whole thing was created, because, you 188 00:09:43,576 --> 00:09:47,326 know, sometimes I could say like I flip flop, is, are our lies like 189 00:09:47,326 --> 00:09:50,416 preordained or is there a purpose? 190 00:09:50,416 --> 00:09:54,766 You know, one of my favorite movies is Forrest Gump and there's a Pardon 191 00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:58,546 and Forrest Gump where he's speaking to Jenny at the grave and he's 192 00:09:58,546 --> 00:10:00,346 like saying, I wonder if our lies. 193 00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:06,136 Like a feather, we're just blowing on the wind and like things just happen or 194 00:10:06,136 --> 00:10:13,246 is there things happen for a reason and I've always kind of wonder, you know, 195 00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:16,366 what's our true purpose here in life? 196 00:10:16,756 --> 00:10:20,236 Now, I don't know if that's answers your question because that's not an 197 00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:24,266 actual individual, but , maybe it. 198 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:25,216 You know, 199 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:29,296 that's a that's a fair enough question, answer, right? 200 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:30,052 I said anybody. 201 00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:31,544 So, but that's fair game, right? 202 00:10:31,584 --> 00:10:35,049 ? I think there are a lot of people who would echo that sentiment to be able to 203 00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:38,029 sit down with whoever created this, right? 204 00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:40,839 I'm a Christian, so I believe that's God, but I understand other people 205 00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:41,829 believe that's something else. 206 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:45,605 And I have a long list even as a believer of, you know, what 207 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,045 questions I would love to ask. 208 00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,480 So, yeah, I think is definitely fair. 209 00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:54,043 Now here's the softball answer question of the show. 210 00:10:54,313 --> 00:10:55,483 It trips up everybody. 211 00:10:56,773 --> 00:10:57,793 What's your favorite ice cream? 212 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:00,403 Vanilla. 213 00:11:01,063 --> 00:11:02,583 Vanilla, . Okay. 214 00:11:02,588 --> 00:11:03,013 Vanilla. 215 00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:04,153 Probably. 216 00:11:04,273 --> 00:11:05,083 Is it a particular 217 00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:05,503 vanilla? 218 00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:07,843 I actually like the Oreo. 219 00:11:08,593 --> 00:11:10,063 You know the Oreo vanilla? 220 00:11:10,123 --> 00:11:10,213 Mm-hmm. 221 00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:11,383 has the cookies in it. 222 00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:11,653 Yeah. 223 00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:12,313 Cookies and cream. 224 00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:13,043 There you go. 225 00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:13,483 There we go. 226 00:11:13,483 --> 00:11:15,643 That's my favorite ice right there. 227 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:18,763 I love it, but it doesn't love me. 228 00:11:19,573 --> 00:11:20,323 . Oh yeah, 229 00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:22,443 The lactose. 230 00:11:22,693 --> 00:11:28,573 Oh, life is difficult, but you know as many lactose intolerant people as I know. 231 00:11:28,978 --> 00:11:30,358 They all still love ice cream. 232 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,308 It's just one of those universal 233 00:11:32,308 --> 00:11:32,578 things. 234 00:11:32,878 --> 00:11:34,288 Just don't be around me for a few hours. 235 00:11:37,138 --> 00:11:37,798 . Fair enough. 236 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:38,608 Fair enough. 237 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:39,748 Yeah. 238 00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:45,178 So before we get into masculinity, cuz we're gonna go deeper into masculinity 239 00:11:45,183 --> 00:11:47,745 the second part of the show I was reading some of your blog articles before 240 00:11:47,745 --> 00:11:51,470 the show and trying to get a sense of you and where we would go with the. 241 00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:55,125 And I think what would be beneficial for our listeners, if you would explain 242 00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:59,124 what a thinking trap is, because I wasn't familiar with that term. 243 00:11:59,904 --> 00:11:59,994 Mm-hmm. 244 00:12:00,324 --> 00:12:04,531 and it's not the focus of today, but I think it just understanding that 245 00:12:04,531 --> 00:12:06,571 concept will benefit our listeners a 246 00:12:06,571 --> 00:12:06,841 lot. 247 00:12:07,951 --> 00:12:08,281 Yeah. 248 00:12:08,281 --> 00:12:10,502 Thinking Trap is just like one part of. 249 00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:13,351 Questioning your thoughts in real time. 250 00:12:13,351 --> 00:12:18,541 Like a thinking trap consists of like seven, six or seven different things. 251 00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:21,331 I don't have them all memorized, but I'll try. 252 00:12:21,721 --> 00:12:24,323 It's like overgeneralizing could be one. 253 00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,383 My reading could be another. 254 00:12:26,383 --> 00:12:29,082 Maximizing, minimizing, could be another. 255 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:31,992 Externalizing, like pointing fingers at other people. 256 00:12:31,992 --> 00:12:33,702 You got three pointing back at you. 257 00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:38,502 Personalizing is another where you're actually beating yourself up for things. 258 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,740 You know, the mind reading one is where you're actually, you think you 259 00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:44,680 know what somebody else is thinking and you're not asking questions. 260 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,640 You, you know, overgeneralizing, it's like, oh, or just you're 261 00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:52,720 just, you just react without thinking or gathering the facts. 262 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,884 Maximizing could be like making like, something bigger than really what it is. 263 00:12:58,944 --> 00:12:59,844 Instead of gathering. 264 00:12:59,844 --> 00:13:04,179 The minimizing could be kind of, An example would be like you're 265 00:13:04,179 --> 00:13:07,539 minimizing someone's feelings you know, things like that. 266 00:13:07,809 --> 00:13:11,589 So we have a tendency we fall into like one of those categories. 267 00:13:11,589 --> 00:13:17,212 I know for me, mind reading is probably the hardest one for me because I think, 268 00:13:17,212 --> 00:13:21,502 I think I know what somebody's talking about and then I make up a story because, 269 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:28,822 and all of those kinda fall into the same pattern that we are making up something. 270 00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:30,937 That has no validity. 271 00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:35,617 And you know, part of what I teach people is how to question 272 00:13:35,622 --> 00:13:38,677 your thoughts in real time, which is real-time resilience skills. 273 00:13:39,127 --> 00:13:43,357 And that's just one piece of identifying which thinking trap 274 00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:46,627 is actually causing that thought. 275 00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:50,977 Behind that, there's the belief, like what belief is that associated with? 276 00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:52,087 Like, I'm not good enough. 277 00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:52,977 What's wrong with me? 278 00:13:52,977 --> 00:13:53,697 I did something. 279 00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:57,742 And then it's basically the feeling, like what feeling is it generating? 280 00:13:58,192 --> 00:14:00,322 So there's really three components to it. 281 00:14:00,682 --> 00:14:02,542 And then you have to take your brain to court. 282 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:06,892 Like once you've identified that thinking trap and the two other things, then you 283 00:14:06,892 --> 00:14:10,612 have to like, take your brain to court and like kind of say what's the evidence 284 00:14:10,612 --> 00:14:12,982 for and what's the evidence against. 285 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,567 That thought, like what's the evidence for, and the evidence 286 00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:17,767 against that thinking trap. 287 00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:22,187 Like I'm thinking of somebody's, you know, I'm thinking something that 288 00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:25,727 somebody else is thinking that I made this up without gathering the facts. 289 00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:28,217 So I have to say, is that really true? 290 00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:29,927 What's the evidence for that thought? 291 00:14:29,927 --> 00:14:31,577 And it has to be fact based evidence. 292 00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:34,667 What's the evidence against what I'm thinking right now? 293 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,737 And then you come up with a new belief. 294 00:14:36,737 --> 00:14:40,117 So it's just one part of how you could use, how you could 295 00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:41,417 become your cognitive based, the. 296 00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:46,982 In order to use realtime resilience skills to change your thinking and 297 00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:52,202 not get caught in some kinda crazy ass thought assumption that you've 298 00:14:52,202 --> 00:14:55,592 made up, which has no validity to anything, which only makes things worse. 299 00:14:56,102 --> 00:14:56,462 Okay. 300 00:14:57,602 --> 00:14:59,938 So that's something I'm definitely gonna have to do an episode 301 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:01,388 and go deeper into For sure. 302 00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:02,112 Down the road. 303 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:06,762 Cuz I, I think I was reading the blog article and it's like, I, okay. 304 00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:07,032 Yeah. 305 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,972 And that's some interesting con ideas and putting that together. 306 00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:11,502 Right, right. 307 00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:15,612 But so I just wanted to touch on it now, Dan, being in this 308 00:15:15,852 --> 00:15:17,832 realm of working with men, right? 309 00:15:18,402 --> 00:15:20,382 To set up the second half of the show, before we get into 310 00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:23,382 it, define masculinity, right? 311 00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:27,042 Because I work with a lot of guys who work in the men's realm, right? 312 00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:28,062 Mm-hmm. 313 00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:32,082 and I found that all of us have a few things that we go, yes, this 314 00:15:32,082 --> 00:15:35,532 is masculinity, and then everybody has a slightly different look. 315 00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:37,872 So we be, before we get into the truth about. 316 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,917 Define masculinity from your standpoint. 317 00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:45,837 I look at masculinity as just a word. 318 00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:49,405 You know, you mentioned Brent, that you're Christian, you're religious. 319 00:15:49,405 --> 00:15:54,325 I look at femininity, the word femininity and the word masculinity as 320 00:15:54,925 --> 00:16:00,535 words that are used interchangeably, but when it underneath this 321 00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:05,275 skin, these bones and blood, you know, for me, we all have a soul. 322 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:11,845 And, you know, masculinity and femininity transcend, you know, 323 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,885 these feminine and masculine traits. 324 00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:20,125 So masculinity, to be, to define it in one word, would be the process of having 325 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:26,695 vulnerability to understand that at your core, if you are vulnerable right, 326 00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:30,443 then you're able to accept who you are. 327 00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:37,118 You know, at your truest level and you walk around you know, knowing that 328 00:16:37,118 --> 00:16:39,608 you're being your true, authentic self. 329 00:16:40,268 --> 00:16:47,378 And that means being able to communicate your feelings, being able to express 330 00:16:47,383 --> 00:16:51,071 yourself in a way that is non-reactive. 331 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,135 Being able to feel every emotion. 332 00:16:54,825 --> 00:17:00,085 And understand that you're human understanding that you're, you are human 333 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:05,185 and that you're going to make mistakes and have the ability to forgive yourself, 334 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:10,165 and most importantly, love yourself of when you look in the mirror every 335 00:17:10,165 --> 00:17:15,565 day you are basically seeing somebody that you love and that you respect. 336 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:20,685 And in turn, being and having that love for. 337 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:27,645 Will translate into forgiving, loving, not judging other people as well. 338 00:17:27,945 --> 00:17:32,513 So that's my true definition of mask of we may have testosterone, we're 339 00:17:32,513 --> 00:17:38,183 stronger masculine wise, but that's the only difference in my opinion. 340 00:17:38,993 --> 00:17:39,173 Okay. 341 00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:41,963 You know, and we, we, you know, obviously. 342 00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:43,043 Yeah. 343 00:17:43,043 --> 00:17:43,253 Yeah. 344 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:44,993 The other differences. 345 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:46,243 Yeah. 346 00:17:46,553 --> 00:17:46,973 All right. 347 00:17:47,050 --> 00:17:49,317 I needed to give that in just for the groundwork, right? 348 00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:52,681 This will set us up into our ongoing conversation in 349 00:17:52,681 --> 00:17:53,761 the second half of the show. 350 00:17:54,061 --> 00:17:56,281 Guys, we've been getting to know Dan so far, and in the second 351 00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:59,321 half of the show, we're gonna dive into the truth about masculinity. 352 00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:02,521 We're gonna roll our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Dan. 353 00:18:03,556 --> 00:18:04,786 How well do you sleep at night? 354 00:18:04,906 --> 00:18:07,516 Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? 355 00:18:08,026 --> 00:18:10,696 Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people 356 00:18:10,696 --> 00:18:11,986 fall short on in their life. 357 00:18:12,316 --> 00:18:15,166 The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control 358 00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:18,556 your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your 359 00:18:18,946 --> 00:18:20,266 everyday job and life performance. 360 00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:23,206 If you're ready to move to the next level, then sleep. 361 00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:24,811 Has to be part of the plan. 362 00:18:25,441 --> 00:18:28,621 Check out our forensic ghost bed.com if you're ready to get your best sleep. 363 00:18:28,711 --> 00:18:29,611 I love my ghost bed. 364 00:18:29,611 --> 00:18:32,311 I've been sleeping on one for a couple years and has made a 365 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,931 huge difference in how I sleep. 366 00:18:34,231 --> 00:18:38,041 Hit ghost bed.com and use the code, the Fallible Man 30 to get 30% 367 00:18:38,046 --> 00:18:41,341 off your order and start getting better night's Sleep tomorrow. 368 00:18:42,301 --> 00:18:44,281 Now let's go on to the show. 369 00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:47,431 All right, guys, we're back and we're here with Dan Stillman 370 00:18:47,431 --> 00:18:49,631 discussing the truth about muscular. 371 00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:51,856 Now Dan, here's this. 372 00:18:51,856 --> 00:18:53,619 This one may cause a little headache. 373 00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:58,254 What is the purchase of a hundred dollars or less that you made in the last year 374 00:18:58,389 --> 00:18:59,709 that was the best purchase you made? 375 00:19:00,759 --> 00:19:02,619 Like this had the biggest impact on your life? 376 00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:04,239 Hmm. 377 00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:07,713 What has been the probably. 378 00:19:09,518 --> 00:19:17,108 Re rejoining my gym membership is probably the best thing because, you know, for me, 379 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,908 I've been working out my whole life and. 380 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:24,518 You know, it really keeps me grounded and having that, the ability to 381 00:19:24,523 --> 00:19:29,278 go to you know, a gym and work out, it just keeps me grounded. 382 00:19:29,548 --> 00:19:33,418 And I think, you know, everybody should, you know, if you don't have an 383 00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:36,328 exercise program, just give it a try. 384 00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:38,638 Even if it's a walk, it does wonders. 385 00:19:38,638 --> 00:19:39,898 They result our immediate 386 00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:42,148 . I, I get it. 387 00:19:42,195 --> 00:19:43,305 I love my gym time. 388 00:19:43,845 --> 00:19:47,115 I've been actually neglecting my gym time the last couple months trying 389 00:19:47,115 --> 00:19:49,605 to, Really buckle down on my show. 390 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:50,925 It's like, oh, I missed 391 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:51,555 my gym. 392 00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:53,235 Self-care, man. 393 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:53,865 Self-care. 394 00:19:53,865 --> 00:19:54,195 You gotta 395 00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:54,975 bake it in, right? 396 00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:56,895 It's the first thing we, it's the first thing is men, we 397 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:57,885 tend to toss out the windows. 398 00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,115 It's the self-care stuff. 399 00:19:59,805 --> 00:19:59,865 Yeah. 400 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,245 While we're trying to fix everything else. 401 00:20:01,245 --> 00:20:02,055 So yeah. 402 00:20:02,055 --> 00:20:03,765 I've been really guilty of that last couple months. 403 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:04,755 I gotta get back in the gym. 404 00:20:06,075 --> 00:20:06,945 No, you look good man. 405 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,385 Thank you's. 406 00:20:09,385 --> 00:20:11,835 Cause you can see from here up, man, you know you don't see the belly from sitting 407 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,395 around too much behind a computer desk. 408 00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:16,125 Gotcha. 409 00:20:16,485 --> 00:20:20,985 So, We wanted to talk about what the truth of masculinity, and you kind of 410 00:20:20,985 --> 00:20:25,695 set the ground before we went to the break on how you define masculinity. 411 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,415 So what is the truth of masculinity? 412 00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:36,135 You know, I did, I have a webinar that I do about called The Truth 413 00:20:36,165 --> 00:20:40,906 About Masculinity, and what I do is break down And it's really 414 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,216 good for women to see it as well. 415 00:20:43,216 --> 00:20:47,854 Like I invite women to see it because I think men have a a vision 416 00:20:47,854 --> 00:20:50,929 that we're better than what we are. 417 00:20:51,319 --> 00:20:54,979 And you know, and there's different types of men. 418 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:59,871 And listen, this all stems from what I mentioned earlier, is how we're 419 00:20:59,871 --> 00:21:02,661 brought up the messages we were given. 420 00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:07,536 You know, most of us, our parents aren't educated on how 421 00:21:07,536 --> 00:21:09,096 to teach us how to be vulnerable. 422 00:21:09,096 --> 00:21:09,336 Right? 423 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:13,656 I talked a little bit about the vulnerability piece and understanding of 424 00:21:13,665 --> 00:21:17,737 about, you know, trying to be introduced to the higher self you never knew 425 00:21:17,737 --> 00:21:20,037 existed, which therefore will help you. 426 00:21:20,962 --> 00:21:24,498 Walk around, you know, being your true, authentic self. 427 00:21:25,338 --> 00:21:28,698 So, you know, we have men who are like homophobic. 428 00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:31,428 We have men who are just, you know, power driven. 429 00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:34,608 We have men who are, you know, shy. 430 00:21:34,608 --> 00:21:37,758 We have, there's so many different characteristics of men. 431 00:21:37,758 --> 00:21:41,628 But you know, what I try to teach and try to emphasize is that we wanna 432 00:21:41,628 --> 00:21:44,118 make emotionally intelligent, Right. 433 00:21:44,118 --> 00:21:48,528 We want people, men to be able to be vulnerable. 434 00:21:48,528 --> 00:21:54,969 And in that webinar, you know, I specifically show things that are, 435 00:21:55,629 --> 00:22:03,939 that will show statistically how men are not, are not superior to women. 436 00:22:04,379 --> 00:22:04,869 Okay. 437 00:22:05,594 --> 00:22:08,884 I think we have some type of stereotype in this world. 438 00:22:08,887 --> 00:22:14,342 And we talked about in the beginning about toxic masculinity and how men 439 00:22:14,342 --> 00:22:19,082 have imposed their will on women and it, and we have a society. 440 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:24,452 We talked about equal pay, and we talked about these things that should be equal. 441 00:22:24,452 --> 00:22:29,252 And I wholeheartedly support that because the statistics that I do show 442 00:22:29,252 --> 00:22:31,982 in my PowerPoint show that women. 443 00:22:32,582 --> 00:22:37,172 Are statistically smarter than men that they are. 444 00:22:37,210 --> 00:22:41,068 You know, they have more businesses, own more businesses than men. 445 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:44,848 And, you know, we have the Me Too movement, which I think is great. 446 00:22:44,968 --> 00:22:50,035 You know, that that women are doing very well for themselves. 447 00:22:50,095 --> 00:22:55,405 And the point that I'm trying to make is, With advancements in science these 448 00:22:55,405 --> 00:23:00,475 days and women who are or can have the ability to freeze their eggs and 449 00:23:00,865 --> 00:23:04,555 they don't have to have children right away, and they can have children later. 450 00:23:04,555 --> 00:23:10,405 And what I'm really trying to emphasize is that if men don't pull their act 451 00:23:10,405 --> 00:23:15,295 together and become more emotionally intelligent, that they're going to be left 452 00:23:15,295 --> 00:23:19,045 behind and men need to really understand. 453 00:23:20,185 --> 00:23:23,995 You know, they need to learn certain skills, such as what 454 00:23:23,995 --> 00:23:25,225 I had mentioned earlier. 455 00:23:25,225 --> 00:23:29,335 What I had learned in a relationship is that I shouldn't feel 456 00:23:29,335 --> 00:23:31,885 intimidated by a very strong woman. 457 00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:35,214 And that you know, I should look at that as like, women are 458 00:23:35,219 --> 00:23:37,614 instinct, instinctively nurturers. 459 00:23:37,674 --> 00:23:42,144 You know, we have this tendency to think that, oh, if a woman stays home with 460 00:23:42,144 --> 00:23:44,394 the arrangement that they made with their husband, they take care of their. 461 00:23:45,414 --> 00:23:49,914 That basically they just are nurturers to their children, but men 462 00:23:50,484 --> 00:23:55,764 weren't given the playbook of how to communicate their wants and needs. 463 00:23:55,769 --> 00:24:01,224 And just to give you an example, you know, a woman wants to show her appreciation 464 00:24:01,224 --> 00:24:04,794 like the end of the week and say, Hey honey, you know, thank you for all the 465 00:24:04,794 --> 00:24:06,324 hard work you're doing and this and that. 466 00:24:06,324 --> 00:24:08,424 This is an example of a woman taking care of the kids. 467 00:24:08,424 --> 00:24:12,058 And then the husband comes home and she asks, what would you like to do this week? 468 00:24:12,058 --> 00:24:13,498 He says, oh, whatever you want, honey. 469 00:24:15,223 --> 00:24:16,033 Wrong answer. 470 00:24:16,333 --> 00:24:16,753 Right. 471 00:24:16,753 --> 00:24:18,403 That's not what she was asking. 472 00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:21,643 She was trying to show appreciation, right. 473 00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:23,413 For the hard work that he does. 474 00:24:23,413 --> 00:24:25,093 And he just doesn't get it. 475 00:24:25,093 --> 00:24:27,823 And it's not cause he's, you know, toxic. 476 00:24:28,213 --> 00:24:28,573 Right. 477 00:24:28,783 --> 00:24:30,223 It's because he's uneducated. 478 00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:31,273 Right. 479 00:24:31,753 --> 00:24:38,203 So the definition of, you know, masculinity for me is just being 480 00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:43,933 able to teach men and give them the playbook on how not to be a people. 481 00:24:45,058 --> 00:24:51,368 How to be vulnerable, how to communicate their wants in me, how to 482 00:24:51,373 --> 00:24:53,848 paraphrase, how to communicate properly. 483 00:24:53,853 --> 00:24:56,103 Like all these things are very important. 484 00:24:56,853 --> 00:25:00,903 And you know, it's just something that needs to be taught. 485 00:25:02,343 --> 00:25:03,379 That's it in a nutshell. 486 00:25:03,879 --> 00:25:05,790 Dan would you consider yourself a feminist? 487 00:25:08,235 --> 00:25:11,265 I don't, you know, I don't even know what the definition, true 488 00:25:11,265 --> 00:25:14,375 definition of a feminist that is 489 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:14,955 Absolutely fair. 490 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,065 Is that is absolutely fair. 491 00:25:16,065 --> 00:25:17,745 And I'm not trying to be derogatory in that way. 492 00:25:18,465 --> 00:25:18,885 Yeah. 493 00:25:18,890 --> 00:25:20,085 I don't even know. 494 00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:24,735 It's like I just, again, for me it's all about kindness. 495 00:25:24,735 --> 00:25:30,037 Like I wrote the, when I was 22, I wrote I had to deal with adversity like I. 496 00:25:30,907 --> 00:25:33,787 You know, like I had to take kick go to therapy and deal 497 00:25:33,787 --> 00:25:34,717 with what I had to deal with. 498 00:25:34,807 --> 00:25:36,337 Cause I felt lost as a man. 499 00:25:36,877 --> 00:25:38,437 Like I look at myself in the mirror. 500 00:25:38,497 --> 00:25:40,207 I knew that there was something wrong with me. 501 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:43,087 I tell myself, Dan, you're capable of so much more. 502 00:25:44,017 --> 00:25:45,997 But I had like a low self-esteem. 503 00:25:45,997 --> 00:25:46,897 I felt lost. 504 00:25:46,897 --> 00:25:47,737 I felt sad. 505 00:25:47,737 --> 00:25:48,607 I felt angry. 506 00:25:48,612 --> 00:25:49,147 I felt like. 507 00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:52,927 Like, like I would think about suicide. 508 00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:55,567 Like I've thought about it, but then at that particular time, 509 00:25:55,567 --> 00:25:57,007 I believe that you go to hell. 510 00:25:57,247 --> 00:25:58,927 Like if you did that, you go to hell. 511 00:25:59,347 --> 00:26:00,637 Like you didn't wanna do that. 512 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:01,357 That's bad. 513 00:26:01,357 --> 00:26:03,217 Like my view of religion has changed. 514 00:26:03,847 --> 00:26:08,497 But I, you know, I would, I wasn't myself, I was like lost and I would try 515 00:26:08,497 --> 00:26:13,717 to boost my ego or be somebody I wasn't because I wanted people to like me. 516 00:26:13,897 --> 00:26:17,257 Like I was so worried about what people thought about. 517 00:26:17,947 --> 00:26:21,277 Especially other men that I couldn't be myself. 518 00:26:22,297 --> 00:26:26,287 So I wrote these things like called the Nine Ingredients of Love and their 519 00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:30,307 sincerity, courtesy on selfishness, patience, tolerance, humility, good 520 00:26:30,307 --> 00:26:32,557 temper, generosity, and being godless. 521 00:26:33,427 --> 00:26:36,427 And I hung them on my refrigerator as part of my recovery. 522 00:26:36,432 --> 00:26:37,987 And I read them morning and night. 523 00:26:38,647 --> 00:26:42,517 And really what it all boils down to is kindness, right? 524 00:26:42,577 --> 00:26:45,457 We just wanna be kind, you know? 525 00:26:45,807 --> 00:26:50,149 So, You know, your question was you know, it just, for me, it just pertains the 526 00:26:50,149 --> 00:26:55,189 kindness when it comes to, regardless if you're a man or a woman, I don't really 527 00:26:56,149 --> 00:26:59,329 kinda look at the whole feminine thing. 528 00:26:59,599 --> 00:27:03,379 I respect everybody's rights because one of those nine ingredients is tolerance. 529 00:27:03,829 --> 00:27:04,009 So, 530 00:27:05,009 --> 00:27:05,499 okay. 531 00:27:05,499 --> 00:27:08,089 Well, like I said, I didn't mean that as a derogatory comment. 532 00:27:08,909 --> 00:27:09,259 No. 533 00:27:10,159 --> 00:27:13,699 I was listening to the explanation and I just was hearing. 534 00:27:14,629 --> 00:27:19,166 Feminist argument points, whether they're and let me be very clear, there 535 00:27:19,166 --> 00:27:25,046 are feminists who go way too far, and feminists who are perfectly reasonable, 536 00:27:25,046 --> 00:27:29,486 just like there are men who go way too far, and men who are perfectly 537 00:27:29,486 --> 00:27:31,286 reasonable in their conversations. 538 00:27:32,111 --> 00:27:32,951 Oh, absolutely. 539 00:27:32,951 --> 00:27:39,341 And I agree with you 150%, you know, and there's women who, you know, I hope are 540 00:27:39,341 --> 00:27:43,511 doing, there aren't many women, cause I know people who are doing the same thing 541 00:27:43,511 --> 00:27:45,432 that I'm doing for their female, mm-hmm. 542 00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:51,762 friends as well, because again, I'm focusing strictly on, we're 543 00:27:51,762 --> 00:27:54,672 talking about the masculine part of it and how we weren't given the 544 00:27:54,672 --> 00:27:56,832 playbook for a man how to be a man. 545 00:27:56,892 --> 00:28:00,942 Well, you know, it almost, it falls across the same thing for women 546 00:28:00,942 --> 00:28:04,782 as well, like, you know, we're all products of how we were raised 547 00:28:04,782 --> 00:28:06,432 and the police that we developed. 548 00:28:06,972 --> 00:28:08,352 So, you know, trauma. 549 00:28:09,637 --> 00:28:14,715 doesn't discriminate , but you know, my mission is to try and help men. 550 00:28:14,715 --> 00:28:21,111 And, you know, and statistically it shows that women are able 551 00:28:21,111 --> 00:28:25,761 to express their feelings much better, you know, than men can. 552 00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:31,761 So the point I'm trying to make is that, you know, we have this stereotype that. 553 00:28:32,901 --> 00:28:35,811 You know, shouldn't express their feelings. 554 00:28:35,811 --> 00:28:41,341 They shouldn't communicate, and we have this ego or this stereotype 555 00:28:41,341 --> 00:28:44,851 that we have that we're stronger and we have to put on this persona. 556 00:28:45,931 --> 00:28:50,341 And all that does is just make a relationship worse because 557 00:28:50,341 --> 00:28:52,261 we weren't given the playbook. 558 00:28:52,291 --> 00:28:55,201 For me, when it all boils down to, and it's for both parts. 559 00:28:55,591 --> 00:28:55,831 Mm-hmm. 560 00:28:56,076 --> 00:29:00,301 , communication, communication, expressing what we truly. 561 00:29:01,291 --> 00:29:03,301 What we want and what we need. 562 00:29:04,081 --> 00:29:04,381 Okay. 563 00:29:04,381 --> 00:29:10,111 So what I'm hearing is a lot of, a lot of where you're coming from and 564 00:29:10,951 --> 00:29:13,668 what you're trying to teach men as they through your coaching program 565 00:29:13,668 --> 00:29:18,485 and your masterminds and stuff like that, is better communication skills 566 00:29:19,265 --> 00:29:22,595 with women and other men in general. 567 00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:25,430 It's just anybody in general. 568 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,250 It does, you know, it's just learning how to come, like for instance, 569 00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:29,660 we're having a conversation. 570 00:29:29,665 --> 00:29:30,250 Mm-hmm. 571 00:29:30,330 --> 00:29:33,950 , and I could say to you, if we got into like a serious discussion, I could 572 00:29:33,955 --> 00:29:37,850 be like, I could paraphrase and be like, this is what I heard you say. 573 00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:43,160 I heard you say to me that you're feeling this way because I want you 574 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,020 to feel as if you've been heard. 575 00:29:45,290 --> 00:29:48,320 I'm not minimizing, I'm not trivializing your feelings. 576 00:29:48,490 --> 00:29:48,980 I'm not getting. 577 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,150 Right, because once you get defensive, then you're caught up in some 578 00:29:53,150 --> 00:29:54,710 belief that I did something wrong. 579 00:29:55,490 --> 00:29:58,610 But there's no winners or there's no like lose. 580 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,710 You don't wanna be in a lose lose situation. 581 00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:02,690 You wanna be in a win-win situation. 582 00:30:03,020 --> 00:30:06,980 And it's about compromise and about having a conversation with somebody 583 00:30:06,980 --> 00:30:10,850 where you both come to a common ground doesn't mean that you're gonna, that 584 00:30:11,130 --> 00:30:13,290 there isn't any agree to disagree. 585 00:30:13,290 --> 00:30:13,890 Mm-hmm. 586 00:30:13,975 --> 00:30:16,370 , because people have different thoughts and feelings. 587 00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:21,740 But you don't treat that other person poorly or judge them because they 588 00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:26,375 have a different opinion than you do, which we see right now in our country. 589 00:30:26,645 --> 00:30:28,955 We can all use a little more of that, right? 590 00:30:28,955 --> 00:30:30,485 We need more of that. 591 00:30:30,635 --> 00:30:34,955 And unfortunately, it's a skill that needs to be taught, but 592 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:36,986 we're not taught how to do that. 593 00:30:37,865 --> 00:30:38,435 We're not taught 594 00:30:39,815 --> 00:30:41,225 guys getting something out of this. 595 00:30:41,345 --> 00:30:44,585 Be sure and hit that like button if you're on YouTube. 596 00:30:45,575 --> 00:30:48,305 Leave us a comment on whatever platform you're on. 597 00:30:48,485 --> 00:30:51,935 Give us a review on Apple Podcast and a rating, guys, that helps us 598 00:30:52,385 --> 00:30:55,715 continue to bring you these episodes and put on the best show we can for 599 00:30:55,715 --> 00:31:00,425 you, Dan, what's the first three steps our listeners can implement 600 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:02,405 right now to start on this journey? 601 00:31:05,035 --> 00:31:09,695 To start on the journey of becoming more communicative? 602 00:31:09,756 --> 00:31:14,989 I think the first step is to really sit back and do an inventory of 603 00:31:14,989 --> 00:31:19,009 yourself and see where you are at this point in your life, right? 604 00:31:19,009 --> 00:31:24,199 If there's something that is holding you back, like if you have a trauma 605 00:31:25,129 --> 00:31:30,582 that is causing you to not pursue something that you wanna pursue 606 00:31:30,587 --> 00:31:33,102 because of outta fear, right? 607 00:31:34,092 --> 00:31:39,402 Or if you don't have a trauma, but you just, just have a fear of like 608 00:31:40,122 --> 00:31:44,562 fear of the unknown, which is a myth, we, we made up that, that that myth 609 00:31:45,162 --> 00:31:46,962 and you're afraid to take a risk. 610 00:31:48,102 --> 00:31:53,262 You need to like sit back and contemplate why, and it's okay. 611 00:31:53,262 --> 00:31:56,922 To add, the second step would be to ask for help, to get an 612 00:31:56,922 --> 00:32:01,782 accountability partner to help you figure out what's going on in your. 613 00:32:02,907 --> 00:32:07,647 And what you need to do in order to achieve maybe some of the goals that 614 00:32:07,647 --> 00:32:11,367 you want to achieve, whether that's just becoming more introspective, 615 00:32:11,787 --> 00:32:13,587 get becoming more vulnerable. 616 00:32:14,007 --> 00:32:18,253 It could be getting a better career working on your relationship with 617 00:32:18,258 --> 00:32:21,423 your kids or your significant other, whatever it is. 618 00:32:21,703 --> 00:32:25,453 And then the third thing I would say is execution. 619 00:32:26,143 --> 00:32:29,083 Execution, and B, meaning building a tool. 620 00:32:30,253 --> 00:32:37,633 Of tools that you could use to help you when adversity strikes, like being able 621 00:32:37,633 --> 00:32:40,483 to understand what deliberate practice is. 622 00:32:41,053 --> 00:32:42,973 Deliberate practice is something that. 623 00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:45,928 You know, I like to say practice makes perfect, but deliberate 624 00:32:46,378 --> 00:32:47,158 practice makes you a legend. 625 00:32:47,698 --> 00:32:51,598 Deliberate practice is something that you can implement that will help you 626 00:32:52,108 --> 00:32:57,928 understand how your brain works and, you know, be able to, like I said, 627 00:32:58,198 --> 00:33:00,238 learn how to question your thoughts. 628 00:33:00,243 --> 00:33:01,348 I mentioned it earlier. 629 00:33:01,378 --> 00:33:07,468 Become your own cognitive-based therapist and identify the triggers that cause you 630 00:33:07,468 --> 00:33:09,568 to maybe spiral down the rabbit hole. 631 00:33:10,258 --> 00:33:14,968 But, you know, develop those tools that'll help you realize that 632 00:33:14,968 --> 00:33:18,568 you're doing that, so you could get yourself out it very quickly and 633 00:33:18,568 --> 00:33:20,518 bounce back from diversity quickly. 634 00:33:20,758 --> 00:33:22,398 So those would be the three things, Brent. 635 00:33:22,688 --> 00:33:23,178 Okay. 636 00:33:23,698 --> 00:33:24,748 What's next for Dan? 637 00:33:26,953 --> 00:33:32,923 Well, for me right now, I'm in the process of raising capital for Yoa to launch that. 638 00:33:32,923 --> 00:33:34,353 I'm currently doing that. 639 00:33:34,843 --> 00:33:40,022 Besides that, I am doing my coaching as well@holisticwellcare.coach. 640 00:33:40,172 --> 00:33:43,982 Go to that website, and I'm also raising funds for holistic 641 00:33:43,982 --> 00:33:45,692 welfare advisors as well. 642 00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:47,102 So that's what's next. 643 00:33:47,162 --> 00:33:48,332 That's what's next for me. 644 00:33:48,992 --> 00:33:49,352 All right. 645 00:33:49,722 --> 00:33:50,242 Business, business. 646 00:33:51,387 --> 00:33:51,547 Business. 647 00:33:51,787 --> 00:33:51,947 Business. 648 00:33:52,187 --> 00:33:52,308 Business, yeah. 649 00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:55,037 . Until you run your own business. 650 00:33:55,037 --> 00:33:55,247 Right? 651 00:33:55,247 --> 00:33:59,507 You, you don't realize that that's just the order of life. 652 00:34:00,482 --> 00:34:03,512 Yeah, but it's also doing self-care too, right? 653 00:34:03,512 --> 00:34:05,762 Like I really try and pay attention to have a balance. 654 00:34:05,762 --> 00:34:08,532 Cause I have kids, you know, I have an 18 year olds in college. 655 00:34:08,532 --> 00:34:13,112 I have a 16 year old who's, you know, with me every other weekend, every Monday. 656 00:34:13,292 --> 00:34:13,412 Mm-hmm. 657 00:34:13,657 --> 00:34:14,642 , I'm in a dart league. 658 00:34:14,642 --> 00:34:15,392 I play darts. 659 00:34:15,392 --> 00:34:20,042 So I do, I take the time for self-care because for me you 660 00:34:20,042 --> 00:34:22,922 had mentioned print, like, you know, you don't have enough time. 661 00:34:23,042 --> 00:34:24,482 I look at it a little differently. 662 00:34:24,482 --> 00:34:26,792 I just say, how do I wanna manage my energy? 663 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:28,742 It's not about time. 664 00:34:28,747 --> 00:34:29,152 It's. 665 00:34:29,732 --> 00:34:31,262 I wanna manage energy. 666 00:34:31,582 --> 00:34:36,782 You know, if I can't manage my energy, then the time has nothing to do with it. 667 00:34:36,782 --> 00:34:37,682 It's about timing. 668 00:34:38,132 --> 00:34:40,202 So I really try and manage my energy. 669 00:34:40,472 --> 00:34:40,962 Okay. 670 00:34:42,002 --> 00:34:44,072 And what is the biggest takeaway you want someone to take 671 00:34:44,072 --> 00:34:45,272 away from this podcast today? 672 00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,872 Like if there's just one big point, what do you want somebody to hear? 673 00:34:51,062 --> 00:34:52,862 I want you to know that you're not alone. 674 00:34:52,862 --> 00:34:57,122 And if you're struggling right now and you have one foot in and one foot out, 675 00:34:58,217 --> 00:35:02,657 Taking that other step to, to move forward, to get the help you need. 676 00:35:03,407 --> 00:35:06,857 Understand that there's people that could, that are here to support you. 677 00:35:07,037 --> 00:35:08,657 Brent has this wonderful show. 678 00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:10,607 I'm here to help as well. 679 00:35:10,607 --> 00:35:11,657 There's so many. 680 00:35:11,657 --> 00:35:13,217 You have support. 681 00:35:13,847 --> 00:35:17,822 Just don't be fearful and get yourself caught in this thing that you're afraid 682 00:35:17,822 --> 00:35:21,692 of what other people think of you, because it's a myth nobody's thinking about. 683 00:35:22,302 --> 00:35:26,702 You know, , you just need to get in your own head and realize you are 684 00:35:26,702 --> 00:35:31,712 the most important person and realize that you could live a forcing life and 685 00:35:32,042 --> 00:35:36,092 realize that once you are introduced to your higher self that you never 686 00:35:36,097 --> 00:35:40,162 knew existed, your life is gonna change and then you'll pay it forward. 687 00:35:40,662 --> 00:35:42,302 You know, that's what it's all about. 688 00:35:42,302 --> 00:35:42,632 Pay 689 00:35:42,632 --> 00:35:46,262 forward damn worst, best P place for people to. 690 00:35:48,092 --> 00:35:48,632 Well, I have three 691 00:35:48,632 --> 00:35:51,456 website to check out www.yoa.com. 692 00:35:51,456 --> 00:35:55,653 And for investors, if you're interested in you know, investing in Yo Omega, go there. 693 00:35:55,983 --> 00:36:01,503 Holistic WellCare Advisors, spelled with an e advisors.com is another one. 694 00:36:01,953 --> 00:36:04,563 And then if you're interested in a free course, I might 695 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:05,973 get Real Deal on Hill Course. 696 00:36:05,973 --> 00:36:08,073 It's free, it's an online course. 697 00:36:08,073 --> 00:36:09,453 74 lessons. 698 00:36:09,453 --> 00:36:10,713 Seven modules. 699 00:36:11,328 --> 00:36:12,108 Check it out. 700 00:36:12,168 --> 00:36:14,088 Go to holistic wellcare.coach. 701 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:17,448 I also offer some integrated nutrition coaching as well. 702 00:36:17,868 --> 00:36:20,688 Lots of blogs, like you said, Brent, that are on there. 703 00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:25,881 I can find me on social media on all three of those brands on Instagram, 704 00:36:26,191 --> 00:36:28,361 TikTok, Facebook and LinkedIn 705 00:36:29,331 --> 00:36:29,541 guys. 706 00:36:29,631 --> 00:36:33,201 And we'll have all of Dan's contact and information in the show notes 707 00:36:33,231 --> 00:36:34,851 and in the description as well. 708 00:36:35,181 --> 00:36:38,271 That way you guys can connect with Dan and find out more about what's going. 709 00:36:39,066 --> 00:36:42,576 And see I was enjoying your blogs, like I said, when I was prepping for the show, 710 00:36:42,576 --> 00:36:44,466 so you got some good stuff on there. 711 00:36:44,522 --> 00:36:46,936 It's also formatted as a developer, I also look at it and 712 00:36:46,936 --> 00:36:48,406 go, wow, you formatted that blog. 713 00:36:48,436 --> 00:36:48,946 Really nice. 714 00:36:48,946 --> 00:36:51,106 Like it's just a really clean, pretty on your website, 715 00:36:51,946 --> 00:36:52,156 . Yeah. 716 00:36:52,216 --> 00:36:53,356 Check out the videos too. 717 00:36:53,356 --> 00:36:56,386 There's a thing called Wisdom Nuggets and I have, you know, a bunch of 718 00:36:56,386 --> 00:36:59,951 videos there and I think they're short, so you're not gonna be watching 30 719 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:01,301 minutes to like four minute things. 720 00:37:01,661 --> 00:37:02,051 Alright. 721 00:37:02,666 --> 00:37:05,636 Dan, I appreciate you taking the time to be here today and being on the show. 722 00:37:06,416 --> 00:37:07,766 Guys, thank you as always. 723 00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:10,826 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 724 00:37:11,576 --> 00:37:14,036 This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. 725 00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:17,936 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 726 00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:21,116 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 727 00:37:21,986 --> 00:37:28,316 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get 728 00:37:28,316 --> 00:37:29,846 your own Fallible man gear.
Coach
My life didn’t always look like a dream, and I certainly didn’t have a textbook childhood. At an early age and throughout my young adult life, I experienced the up and down cycles of not feeling good enough, asking myself, “what’s wrong with me” and “why don’t people like me” which resulted in feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and envy. After some deep aha moments, I reached out for help to unlearn the unintelligent beliefs I learned as a child that kept me stuck in the downward spiral. As I healed and learned to appreciate my true authentic self , I began asking the questions, if this worked for me, how can it work for others? What skills and concepts can I teach others that they should have been taught that they never knew existed so they can start living to their full potential?
Today, I am a certified Positive Psychology Practitioner, Transformational Mindset, and Integrative Medicine Health Coach. I have implemented my experience and knowledge into my advanced Mindset Coaching Methodologies, Integrative Nutrition programs, and free Get Real, Deal & Heal online course. I am enthusiastic about teaching “Life Concepts” that aren’t commonly taught so you can understand, use, and manage your emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, bounce back from adversity quickly, and defuse conflict within yourself and others. I want the best for you, so you can gain the skills to make the right career, relationship, home environment, education, financial, and health decisions!
Here are some great episodes to start with.