Fatherhood in the digital age: parenting advice for modern dads.

Fatherhood in the digital age: parenting advice for modern dads.

One of the best and most terrifying moments of my life was when the doctor looked at me and congratulated me on the birth of my first daughter. We went old school, we didn't find out what sex the baby was until she arrived, and I highly recommend that if you're looking at having kids. Becoming a father is an amazing moment and brought a whole new slew of fears and concerns.

I honestly never considered before. I was blessed to have an amazing father as an example, but there were new dragons to slay that my father couldn't prepare me for a new frontier that's evolving in incredible speeds, even as you listen to this episode, that's the digital age. Now, as a professional computer nerd, let's talk about fatherhood in the digital age a little bit.

Because this is something as fathers, we all have to face. And it's something we're all having to learn, grow, and adapt to at ridiculous speeds. So let's get into it. Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our [00:01:00] full potential growing to the men we dream of becoming while taking care of our responsibilities, working, living, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves?

Well, that's the big question. And in this podcast, we'll help you with those answers and more. My name is Brent and welcome to the Foundable Man Podcast. Now, according to commonly sub degenerational lines, I'm a Gen Xer born at the end of the generation last year of Gen X. I remember the first PCs, five inch floppy disk.

My school was the first. In the country to integrate Mac and PC into one network, which people don't even think about anymore. My first cell phone model was considered the first modern cell phone. I've watched the world of technology become what it is now in real time. And I got to say, who knew a Will Smith song with how so much truth to it, when he talks about figuring out on my PC, where that CD goes in just the two of [00:02:00] us.

By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to Fallible Man Podcast. You're home for all things, man, big shout out at fallible nation, our regular listeners and a big warm welcome to our first time listeners. Thanks for checking us out. I know there's a lot competing for your attention, so let's get into it.

My father had to deal with a lot of things as a father. And mobile devices was not really one of them managing my information online. That wasn't one of them. Social media, uh, MySpace came into existence towards the end of high school. I think for me, online bullying, it didn't exist. There wasn't really such a thing.

Online predators. That was something you only found on like that dark website chat rooms or something. And it was still rare because most people didn't have computers. When I was growing up pictures that are forever. [00:03:00] Oh no, no, no. We were stuck in the age of take photos, have them develop somewhere, lose them in the next 10, 20 years of your lives.

Most, most kids, my children have no idea what the photo album is really. So it's not something he had to deal with. Therefore it's not something that he could help prepare me for. Now I'm not the kind of man who tells a parent how to parent. Okay. Let me be really clear what this episode is not. There isn't a perfect way to answer all these questions.

There isn't a perfect way to parent and there's not one set way that is right. So I think there are some ideas that are better and worth trying, but in the end, all I can do is offer you some information. So as a father in this modern age and digital age, you have more resources. So today I'm offering some information on technology proof [00:04:00] parenting.

Now, like I said, I am a professional computer nerd. I spent the last decade working in the corporate it, like I supported the internet, I work at data centers and with mass corporations that provide services on the internet. And so I have a pretty good insight into the world of technology and just how really big it is.

I've also had friends in the intelligence community. Who them and I have had many conversations about what all your devices can, can't do. And, uh, so this is something I'm very familiar with, but it's a complex subject because with the speed of technology, we haven't actually been able to do any long term comprehensive studies on the impacts of prolonged exposure to various parts of technology, because what was technology a decade ago is all about.

Almost irrelevant. And in some cases this is past irrelevant and not even part of the conversation [00:05:00] anymore. So let me clarify a little bit. The first quote unquote, modern cell phone, the one I had, I didn't have it when it first came out. I purchased that phone back in 1997 or 98. The phone came on the market in 1996.

It was the Motorola StarTAC flip phone. And it is what is considered the first generation, the first modern cell phone, once we got away from bag phones and stuff like that. 90, I bought it 98, 99. It was wildly on the market. Then as people were starting to purchase cell phones, they still weren't incredibly common.

And they were actually seen as a status symbol back in 1997, 98. Now, for some of my listeners, that may seem like a millennia ago. Some of you guys weren't even born yet for some of my listeners, you're rolling your eyes going, that was yesterday, right? 28 years later, your phone can now carry on a conversation with [00:06:00] you.

Has more computing power than it took to get to the moon. It's involved in 75 percent of your daily life or more, or, and it certainly can be used for more than that. You have smart devices that shop for you. They answer questions when you speak to them. An AI that can pass the bar exam. You can do almost anything with technology these days.

Your child can now broadcast to the entire world in one click from their bedroom, which is horrifying as a dad. It knows where you go. What your schedule is, where you are, your shopping habits, your favorite things and places, and it tailors ads and everything else to you and records basically everything you do.

No, this isn't some like deep dark conspiracy. This is all verifiable information. You can learn foreign languages. You can do your banking, your taxes, even have a digital quote unquote friend [00:07:00] that is so realistic that people are actually abandoning real connections. That's a whole nother conversation that just.

It seems unreal to me even, and it's kind of terrifying because more and more men are leaning towards virtual friends, quote unquote, air quote, however you want to say that virtual friends, uh, then real relationships, VHS, laser disc, DVD, Blu ray have all come and gone along with tapes, CDs, eight tracks.

And we got everything digitally now, right? MP4s MP3s. 10 years ago, most people didn't know what an MP4 was. And now it's how you watch everything. So when I say that no long term studies have been done, I mean it because it takes 20 years or more to do a long term study with, with almost no significant change to the studied material.

And because all these materials are changing so [00:08:00] rapidly, we can't do long term studies because that technology is no longer relevant. So. When I say long term studies, like I said, it's very complex, right? This is a hard subject. So what is the right amount of exposure to technology at what age? Well, that's a hotly debated topic, and you're going to find differences from parent, different parents.

Most quote unquote experts. And I use that term very loosely because like I said, no long term studies or anything like that. Like this is a new film site that zero screen time for kids two and under is That means computers, phones, tablets, TVs from two to four, less than an hour spread across the whole day and five and older, less than two hours spread across all sources across the whole day.

Now, if you look at the reality of people's lives, that becomes very unrealistic, [00:09:00] right? We just went through the dreaded Rona a couple of years ago. How many of our kids were Schooling online full time, right? So they were on a screen for school. Like a lot of us are on our computer screens for work for eight hours a day or more.

So that two hours spread across all sources kind of went out the window really hard. In fact, I see two and three year olds playing with tablets. Now there is emerging evidence of this actually slows down motor function, uh, development and other things. One third of kids statistically right now, this is what we know from research is a third of kids ages seven to nine use social media and over 50 percent of kids ages 10 to 12 use social media, which I think is a mistake.

This is Brent's personal opinion. I'm not telling you how to do it. Raise your kids on this one. We know a great deal about the [00:10:00] impacts of social media at this point and having your 10 social media is I think a mistake. And I think you ought to research that some. Research is starting to connect several issues to early exposure of screens and technology.

And notice I'm intertwining screens with technology because most of our technology uses some kind of screen, right? Childhood, we're finding out that childhood obesity is on the rise. Children are having sleep issues, anxiety, shortened attention spans, inability to pay attention, impulsivity, poor short term memory.

Kids are having to have short term memory issues. Uh, they're leading to behavioral and learning difficulties and decreased development of fine motor skills. I looked up all this stuff, guys, so you didn't have to, but don't take my word for it, please go and check for yourself. And that's all before we add the social media piece, which has already been proven to increase anxiety, depression, loneliness, poor self worth, low self esteem, and poor body [00:11:00] image in adults.

Who supposedly have that already locked down, right? Kids are still forming their opinions on themselves. Their self image, their self worth, they're still developing those things. And we know with people who already supposedly have that developed, this is causing massive damage. So what do we do as fathers?

Well, that's the problem that all of us in this digital age, as fathers are facing right now. Now I'll be glad to point you to, uh, one of my friends. Who, that's what he does. He does. I I'm going to blanket. I just, well, I don't, what happens when I didn't take a note. Uh, the secure dad, I had him on the podcast and I'll link that episode below.

We talked about technology because that is his specialty. He helps parents. Be more secure with their children in the digital age. And so I'm not going to sway into that [00:12:00] lane because I can point you to him and he's going to give you much better direct answers on some of this stuff than I can. So what are we doing talking about technology and raising kids?

If I'm not going to answer your questions, well, this is what I'm going to suggest to you gentlemen. I'm going to suggest six things that are technology proof that you can do as a father to help your children. In this age, okay, technology can not take away from these six things that will help your children be more prepared for this technological time.

So this. By how incredible an idea it sounds. We, we can't lock our kids away in their room till they're 30. It's sadly just not realistic. There's something like criminal about that or something like that. And people tend to look at you funny. If you lock your children away, it's crimes. So like I said, I know I've seen a couple, uh, I like the law [00:13:00] enforcement shows like NCIS and, uh, Hawaii Five 0 and junk like that.

And I think I've seen that on there. It's generally considered bad. So. Here are six things that you can do as a dad that will help prepare your children for the digital age and to live in this digital time that are digital proof, which is very valuable. I've said that like a million times now, are you getting the picture?

So number one is to set reasonable boundaries. You're not their friend, nor should you be. You're their parent. Your job is to teach, nurture, guide, protect, and provide them, teach them to be decent, useful people. It's not only okay to say no, it's necessary as a parent to say no. And please, please, I've had this conversation with people in this field.

If you provide advice for your child, like a tablet or something, Understand that it's your device and you absolutely [00:14:00] every right to check it on a regular basis. And I recommend you do. Your child has no right to privacy. As a minor, when it comes to using your device, it's a privilege for them to use it.

It's not a right. And so have an account on your children's devices. I own all of my children's tablets. I can log into any of their accounts at any time. I protect their emails and their YouTube feeds. I know what they're watching. I know who they're interacting with because my daughters are 10 and 12 and they should not be interacting with anybody.

That I should be worried about. So I keep a track on that. So set reasonable boundaries. I don't invade their privacy. I just set the realistic expectation that it's not theirs. It's mine. And from day one, I told them I have the right to look at all of it. They know that I have [00:15:00] access to it. So set reasonable boundaries for your kids, especially in this technological area, you're going to have set boundaries for your kids in all kinds of areas of their lives.

But when it comes to technology set boundaries, number two, be present and involved in their lives. What are they doing? Who are they doing it with? How do they spend their time? What are they interested in? So, so, so many questions that you should know the answers to as a parent. My daughter and I go for walks on a regular basis and she's into an anime.

I don't watch. I can't even tell you what the name of it is. I have it written down. Uh, but I know everything about the show. Why? Because she tells me everything about the show. In reality, do I care about that anime? No, don't want to see it. I don't want to know everything about it. But my daughter is so [00:16:00] into it.

So for me, it's important to know what she's watching and what's going on. What is influencing her? One of my favorite things in the world is listening and talking with my children. So be with your kids when you're with them and be engaged and be interested. And be intentional, be present with them.

Nothing else you do will ever have the value of the time you put into your family. So be involved in present in their, every aspect of their lives, know their friends, know their interests, know what music they're listening to, know who they're talking to, know what they like to do in their free time. My daughter's your bookworms.

I am an enabler when it comes to being a bibliophile. My 10 year old, my 12 year old read More than I do and I love it, but I know what they're reading guys be present in their lives That alone is going to give you so much more [00:17:00] influence Into what they're doing technologically because if you're already involved in every other aspect of your life their lives They're not going to cut you out of that aspect number three answer their question Now for boys, it's, am I worthy for girls?

It's, am I enough? And I did an entire episode on this and I'll link that in the show notes as well, because I'm not going to reiterate that whole thing and go through it. Cause I literally did a whole show on this. And then another show with two guys who work with dads. And it's one of the topics we talked about there as well.

So I'll link you that show. It's a really short, like 10 minute show, and it's easy, but guys, it's so, so critical that you answer those questions. Number four, build their self image. Kids who have strong self esteems are better [00:18:00] prepared for the things they're going to encounter with technology. And no one can build a self esteem in the kids.

And kids like their dads. Now I'm not attacking moms. I'm not ragging on moms. Both parents should cry, but it's a superpower for fathers. You see the way children picture their parents or understand their parents is. Mom is always on my side and it's going to love me no matter what I do. But every child has a weirdly innate need to find approval from their father.

So because of that, you can, and I hate to use the term exploit, but you can exploit that to help build their self esteem. They're looking for your approval. They're looking for your support. They're looking for you to build them up and validate their thinking. Their choices, their ideas. So you have a superpower as a dad and a [00:19:00] duty as a father to build their self esteem.

And if you believe in your kids and their worth, then they'll believe in themselves. Building their self image will give them strength and resilience when they're faced with technology that doesn't always treat them so nice. Number five, teach them the world exists outside of tech. Now kids are less active today than any time in history.

I mean, my goodness, we're basically raising bill. It's, it's kind of scary. So get off the devices and the screens as a family.

If you follow my channel for any length of time, you know, I instituted a family game night where we play games, various board games, dominoes, cards, and other things. Why? Because I wanted to get my kids [00:20:00] off the screens. They felt, I felt like they were on the screens way too much. So we instituted a family game night, but do other things, teach them skills, play outside, get active with them.

I am my teachers, my children's PE teacher. Because we homeschool our kids. So guess what? My daughter hit a hundred pounds on a floor press the other day. She's 12 years old. Super proud about that, right? My 10 year old, her motor skills are a little behind in some areas. And so she's learning how to squat with the right pattern.

No wait, just learning how to keep her back straight and her chest up and squat in the white pattern. We're working with them at their levels, right? It's one thing I can do as a dad. So hear me clearly. We are not in our parents world. You can't just banish your kids outside after breakfast and expect them to stay out until the streetlights come on the way I was raised.

You know what? I'm grateful for that raising. I've got nothing. I [00:21:00] got no problem with it, but not everybody lives in a place where that is a reality, a safe reality for your children anymore. So set the example, get out with them, exercise, play, bike, skateboard, cook with them, go for walks with them, explore the world, take on challenges.

I don't know if your kids are like my kids. But my 12 year old is super into challenges and the 10 year olds are right behind her on it, right? They see these stupid challenges on YouTube. Eyes roll. If you're listening to this, my eyes are rolling right now. Okay. Do challenges with them because they're super into it in this age group.

Take jujitsu together. Take another martial art together. Do yoga, do something, get active with your kids and teach them that the world exists outside of Devices, screens, mobiles, et cetera. Number six, take on a cause. This is super, super [00:22:00] valuable. Gentlemen, one of the most powerful ways to help your children grow their self esteem and get focused on a world outside of tech is to have a cause or a mission, volunteer, raise awareness for something, serve others, and you will help your kids grow into who they are growing into the kind of people you want them to be.

And resist the negative that comes with the online world. Kids who see a bigger world than just themselves have a larger perspective on life. Therefore they don't fall prey to some of the echo chambers of social media, because they know that's one thing. For example, my daughter and I, my oldest daughter and I have now two years in a row, taken a 50 mile ruck march challenge to raise money for stop soldier suicide.

This is the cause we both believe in. My children have been raised around. Military families, [00:23:00] uh, we have military family members or a lot of my the brother boys in my world. A lot of the men in my family on both sides have served in the military. Several of them are veterans. So this is something that's near and dear to our heart.

It's also something that's always been near and dear to my heart. And so it's a shared cause. My children have learned from me That this is something that's important to me and it's now something that's important to them. This challenge is not that hard. There is no set weight limit. So I found an appropriate weight.

My daughter carried 16 pounds and we do 50 miles over the course of one month. We raised money to donate to this cause. Now with my schedule, that meant my daughter got up at like four o'clock in the morning with me to go do this. So find something that you can do with your kids to help them see the world on a bigger scale.

And sometimes [00:24:00] the best way that can, the best thing for that is to volunteer, to raise awareness, to serve other people. It gives your children an incredible perspective. The digital age presents new challenge for all of us as parents. It offers incredible opportunities. Not going to say it's all bad as fathers, though, is our responsibility to navigate this complex landscape with our children, helping to build resilience, confidence, and understanding of the world beyond the screen.

Yeah. Technology can be absolutely overwhelming. Uh, any of you guys who are close to my age group, okay. 35 to 45 or above. You know, you've seen how fast technology has changed our world radically from when we were younger and how fast has happened. Now we got things like AI and right. Neuralink and all that kind of stuff, which kind of terrifies me.

I, I grew up on the Terminator [00:25:00] series, so I'm a little concerned, but with mindful boundaries and active engagement. And a commitment to helping your children develop a strong self esteem. We can guide them through the digital world without them losing sight of the real world. We can teach them that while the digital world can be a tool, it doesn't define who they are.

Fatherhood in a digital age requires constant adaptation. You're going to have to keep growing. You're going to have to keep learning. You're going to have to keep scaling and leveling up in your own understanding of things. But that's part of the adventure of being a dad. Just like our dads face their challenges when they are raising us, we're facing ours.

And we have an opportunity to raise a generation that's not only tech savvy, but also grounded, compassionate, and well rounded. So whether you're tackling screen time or teaching your kids to unplug and explore, remember, the most important thing you can give them is your time and presence. Be intentional, [00:26:00] lead by example, help them see the value in both the digital world and the physical one together.

We can prepare our kids to thrive in both. Thanks for tuning in Fallible Man podcast. I'm Brent, and I hope this conversation gives you a few more tools and ideas as you tackle the challenges of fatherhood in the digital age, be sure to check out our mailing list down in the show notes for exclusive content.

We don't spam you. It's a bi weekly mail list. And. There's a link for the next show. It's one of the ones I mentioned. Uh, so that way you can go directly from this one and tackle either the asking, answering the right question for your kids or the technology episode I did with the secure dad. Check those out next.

They're very valuable. And if you got something out of this, they're definitely going to help you be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one, this has been the fellow man podcast. You're home for everything man, [00:27:00] husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show.

Head over to www. TheFallibleMan. com for more content and get your own Fallible Man gear.