From Red Pill to Real Connection: A New Approach to Love

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Love is a fantasy, and
men after 40 get the game.

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It's a direct quote from the comments
section of a recent episode of this show.

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I see a lot of crap like this these days.

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More and more men down on
love, or even the idea of love.

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Men down on women and love.

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Even worse, this whole nonsense
of the MGTOW crap I see

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floating around on the internet.

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It's funny that the institution
of love that has been around since

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the beginning of time has become
really soured in the last 50 years.

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I'll give it the benefit of the
doubt and assume, quote, air

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quotes, they are talking about
romantic relationships because any

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real parent knows love is real.

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In this episode of the Fallible
Man podcast, we're smashing

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stereotypes and breaking down
misconceptions about relationships.

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You've heard of MGTOW if you've
been around the internet very

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long, or the red pill world.

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We're putting that nonsense
aside and focusing on what really

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matters your approach to love.

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Don't be fooled into thinking
love has disappeared.

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It's more about how we as men make
decisions when it comes to relationships.

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So if you're ready to change the status
quo challenge, the status quo, and

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here's some practical advice tailored
just for you, let's get into it.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach
our full potential?

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Growing to the men we dream of being,
while taking care of our responsibilities,

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working, being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent, and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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This has been a huge pain point for me
as I've been doing this show and working

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with men on improving their lives.

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So many men in the air quotes, red
pill circle touting stupid ideas

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like McTowell are that men don't
need women are that women don't

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really love men and blah, blah, blah.

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And all relationships are bad.

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Oh my goodness.

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It is such a headache.

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Men are beating better off alone
and women and love are no good.

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It's such a lie.

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Men were not made to be alone.

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We need other quality men in our lives.

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And guess what?

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We need women in our lives too.

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The problem is, and has always
been the modern man's approach

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at finding love and a good woman.

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And it's time to change our approach.

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By the way, my name is Brent and
welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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Your home for all things, man,
big shout out to fallible nation.

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That's our private community.

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There's links down below in
the show notes or description,

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whatever platform you're on.

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Warm welcome to our first time listeners.

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Hey, we know there's a lot out there.

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So thanks for giving us a chance.

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Be sure to leave us a, like, give us a
comment, reach out to us at the foul man.

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Leave us review.

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I'd love to hear what
you think about the show.

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I really do appreciate you checking out.

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I hope you enjoy this.

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Now let's get back into it.

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Here is some practical yet controversial
advice for your consideration to help

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you explore a different route that
I have found has worked well for.

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A lot of people I know, and it's helped
me get into my own 23 year marriage.

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It's my wife and I approach
our 23rd anniversary very soon.

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Number one, King in training.

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You don't have to be a King yet.

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You hear men talk about this
on the, it's very, very big in

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social media circles, right?

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Being Kings.

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Well, guess what?

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You can be a Prince.

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You don't have to be a King yet,
but you gotta be building a future.

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See, great women will help
you build your kingdom.

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However, she has to be able to
see a future with you and in you.

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That means you have to
see your own future.

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You have to see somewhere you're
going and be on the way there already.

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Women find men.

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Who have a purpose behind
them and are ahead of them.

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I should say more attractive and
are more likely to connect with you.

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If they see a future in you that
they can be a part of because

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they can see what you're about.

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Number two, don't look for
someone to fix you this.

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Oh man, this pisses me off to no end.

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People are stupid.

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They get involved with other people
to try and fix an internal hole.

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Nothing can ever fix a hole
in yourself, but you, another

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person will not make it better.

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And that's not the relationships job.

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Nothing will guarantee that
fail relationship faster.

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Then try and fix problems that are in you
by involving somebody else as a patch.

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Number three, be a friend first.

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Now I'm not talking about friend zoned.

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Okay, let me draw a hard line right here.

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There's a difference between being a
friend first and being friend zoned.

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Most men know what it's like to be friend
zoned by some woman they're attracted to.

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That's not what we're talking about.

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My wife is my best friend.

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She's the person I want
to share everything with.

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She's the first person I want to talk to
and the only person who's counsel I really

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care about when life is good or bad.

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Stop thinking about bearskin
rugs and crazy monkey hanging

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from the chandelier time.

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If you can't look down the road and
see coffee on the porch together,

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conversations on the couch, not
Netflix and chill, conversations

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on the couch years from now, and
maybe even watching grandkids play

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basketball tournaments all day together.

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In your future with this person, you
may be barking up the wrong tree.

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After 23 years of marriage, none of
this has changed for me whatsoever.

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Sarah is still the first
person I want to talk to.

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She's the only person I really want
to see first thing in the morning,

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other than maybe my daughters.

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And she's still the person I want to tell
about my day and share everything with.

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Why?

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Because she's my best friend.

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She's my partner.

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She's my wife.

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It's more than a physical relationship.

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It's about us together and the
life we see in 23 years into it.

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Guess what?

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Now I'm looking down the road going, man,
I get to look forward to basketball games

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all day long, watching my grandkids play.

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And actually, you know what?

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I'm excited about that because
I'll still be with my best friend.

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Number four, don't shop at the
dollar general for Cartier guys.

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I see this mistake all the time.

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People used to go to church to meet
forever women, or they were high school

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sweethearts, or something like that.

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Right?

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And there are other ways
that came from as well.

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People you grew up with, people you knew
your whole life, the girl down the street

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who kind of hung out with the guys, who,
you know what, you realize later she

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was beautiful and remarkable, right?

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Long relationships.

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There are far too many men getting
involved with women at the bar.

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Women they've barely met in passing,
women that you hit on at the gym,

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women who lived loose and fast.

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If you're interested in a woman of value,
you have to find them in places of value.

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If you're shopping at the dollar store,
you're not finding a Cartier ring.

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Got it?

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Stop shopping the general hunting
grounds that have become common

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if you want something different.

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Number five, your go to
is probably not a forever.

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Interestingly, my wife is nothing
like Any of the women I ever dated.

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She is so far from my go to relationship
that it never even occurred to me that

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she was the one until it hit me like
a brick wall, we weren't even dating.

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She was just one of my best friends.

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And one day out of the blue,
bam, it occurred to me, I will be

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stupid not to marry this woman.

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You have a type, whether
you know it or not.

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And guess what?

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I'm not going to say it's a law
like unaffected, but I will say

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it's more commonly the rule.

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The majority of men settle with women
who are not necessarily their type are

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the woman they dated their whole life.

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Sometimes you got to try something
different if you want different results.

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Number six, don't flame out.

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People love crazy hot passion.

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Who wouldn't?

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I mean, that's what we see
in the movies too, right?

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People knowing each other like 10 minutes.

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They're like, it's stupid.

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It's really stupid.

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The risk to it is that it burns all
the fuel really quickly and violently,

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and it doesn't leave much in its wake.

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Now I've spent most of my life
living in major fire country.

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Wildfires are a part of my life and
have been as long as I can remember.

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Guess what?

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They burn fast, they burn
hot, they burn everything.

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And then it's over.

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That's what a lot of
relationships look like.

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People just go all in and go nuts and
it's crazy and it's passionate and it's

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wild, but there's no substance to it.

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And it burns up what little bit there is.

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It can be a whole lot of fun,
but it's often over far too soon.

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If you can't have easy conversations,
Soft laughs, just chill time

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together where you do nothing.

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You hang out, you have some
coffee, you have a conversation.

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And that's the extent of that day for
you guys and still be deeply invested.

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Something is off.

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You're in the wrong relationship.

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It shouldn't all be a thousand
degree wildfire all the time.

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That's not reality.

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So don't flame out by getting
hooked on all the quick hots.

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Get focused on the actual actual
subsidence of the relationship, because if

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you can't find any, it's going to end bad.

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Now let's land the plane on this.

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Some people say things like love
is a fantasy, but it's important

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not to buy into this negative crap.

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There's a lot of trash ideas out there.

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There's a lot of stupid floating
around enough for everybody.

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Trust me.

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Love hasn't disappeared.

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The problem is our decision
making paradigm that we use

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to get into relationships has
gotten skewed and screwed up.

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You can't find forever when
you're focusing on the now.

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You can't find healthy relationships when
you're shopping in high speed dating.

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We aim to get practical advice here at
the fallible man, and we want you to

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think a little differently about love.

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It's not about following
trends, negative beliefs.

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It's not about the latest thing.

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Love is an age old institution.

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So stop thinking about
it in modern happening.

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This is the way we do it now.

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Bullshit.

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And start focusing on something
that's been around for a long time

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and what's worked, what has lasted.

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Find the people in your life who have
had those lifelong relationships.

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I just talked to a.

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Guy, the other day that I interviewed
up for the show, his parents

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have been married for 50 years.

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Focus on personal growth, real connections
and shared goals for the future.

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Be man, a man of substance
is about something and you'll

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attract the right kind of people.

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Building a good relationship
is like building a kingdom.

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You should be self sufficient.

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You should value friendship.

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Look for meaningful connections
and keep the flames burning steady.

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Not at a crazy temperature all the time.

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All the guys listening out there
who are still searching for

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love and still searching for
those successful relationships.

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We had a guest on just the other
day to talk about dating over 40.

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We had a guest on, it was
talking about modern dating.

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Cause I don't do that anymore.

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But let's change the story about love.

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Love hasn't changed.

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Love isn't awful.

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Our decision making paradigm about
relationships has just gotten skewed.

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This is Brent signing off from
the Fallible Man podcast, your

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go to place for all things, man.

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Thanks for tuning in and remember, be
better tomorrow because what you do

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today, and we'll see you on the next one.

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This has been the Fallible Man podcast.

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You're home to everything
man, husband, and father.

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00:13:07,194 --> 00:13:09,394
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

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Head over to www.

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thefallibleman.

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00:13:14,050 --> 00:13:17,790
com for more content and get
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