Inside the Mind: Battling Negative Self-Talk with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

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Inside our minds, negative self talk
can be like a hitting wrecking ball,

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breaking down confidence and stopping
us from reaching our full potential.

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Before you tune me out because you
think this is BS, the Naval Special

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Warfare Division actually has an
entire course on this in their Warrior

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Toughness Program because negative self
talk And a Navy SEAL could jeopardize

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himself, his team, or his mission.

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Truthfully, some of you will be
throwing hands if someone else talked

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to you, the way you talk to yourself
in your head, but don't worry today,

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we're taking on this invisible enemy.

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We're going to utilize a little
cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT

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and start getting our head right.

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So let's get into it.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach
our full potential?

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Growing to the men we dream of being
while taking care of our responsibilities,

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working, being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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Today, we're diving into a common
struggle, negative self talk.

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I've yet to meet a man who did not
struggle with negative self talk.

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We kick our own asses far more
than anyone else ever will.

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This is not to be confused with
holding yourself accountable.

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Holding yourself accountable
has value and is important.

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No, we're talking about the overly
critical, downright abusive trash

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talk we throw at ourselves for
every little thing that we perceive

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as falling short in some way.

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This episode is more than
just talking, though.

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It's about making a plan to
change how we talk to ourselves.

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We'll explore what negative self talk
is real quick, see how it affects our

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lives, and most importantly, Learn
practical ways to rewire ourselves.

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So it's not a problem in our lives
anymore, by the way, my name is Brent

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and welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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Your home for all things, man, big
shout out to fallible our nation.

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That's our private community.

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And there's links for that
down in the description.

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whatever platform you're on and a warm
welcome to our first time listeners.

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Hey, thanks for checking us out.

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I appreciate it.

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I know there's a lot out there
fighting for your attention.

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So it means a lot that you
took the time to tune in.

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Be sure to leave us a
comment, a like, or a review.

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Reach out to us at the fallible
man on most social medias.

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We'd love to hear what you think of
our show because it matters to me.

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I'd like to know.

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Thanks for checking us out.

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I hope you get something out of this.

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So the first step in handling your
negative self talk is just understanding

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what it is because you can't fix
something you don't understand.

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Negative self talk is the
habit of criticizing yourself,

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focusing on perceived flaws.

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and fostering a pessimistic
view about yourself.

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It harms mental well being, it
contributes to your low self

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esteem, and hinders personal growth.

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Now, some family friendly versions
of this include, I'm not good

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enough, I always mess things up, or,
oh, that's just what I do, right?

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Assuming you're gonna get it wrong.

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You hear it escape sometimes out of
people's lips when they don't really mean

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they're not, if you listen to the words
that are used, you start to hear it.

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Other times, you don't actually
hear what's going on, but Can you

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imagine the storm of negativity
going on in most men's heads?

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Because if you actually thought,
stop, and are honest with yourself,

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you probably can relate to this.

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Recognizing and challenging these
thoughts is crucial, though, for

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cultivating a more positive mindset.

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Now, why do you care, right?

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If all guys struggle with
this, why should you care?

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It's this simple.

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Negative self talk significantly
affects your mood by fostering

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stress, anxiety, low self esteem.

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It contributes to feeling sadness
and can lead to depression, reducing

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motivation in your life, and
impairing problem solving abilities.

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It actually slows your brain down.

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Persistent self criticism may
result in social withdrawal or

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physical health issues, actually.

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Okay?

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This problem can manifest physically.

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Negative self talk has substantial
impact on your success.

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By eroding your confidence, diminishing
your motivation, influencing your decision

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making, it fosters a fear of failure, and
it leads to procrastination and avoidance

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of challenges because you might fail.

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Performance is often hindered
as negative thoughts become self

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fulfilling prophecies, right?

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Trying to avoid that, you
actually kind of become that.

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Moreover, strained relationships and
difficulty handling criticism, May

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arise from this constant self criticism.

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The reinforcing of limiting
beliefs restricts personal and

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professional growth all over.

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Now you can take the quick version of
that and go blah, blah, blah, blah.

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It really screws up your life.

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There's a bullet point for you.

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It really screws up your life guys.

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It's holding you back.

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And it's something I would wager 90
plus percent of men struggle with

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whether they want to admit it or not.

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Like I said, you can hear it escape
in some of the terms people use.

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Even if you think they've got it
all down, you can hear it in the

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way they talk about themselves.

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So I told you guys a plan, right?

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That's, that's the point of today.

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So how do you stop negative self talk
now stopping negative self talk involves

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recognizing challenging and changing
those unhelpful thought patterns.

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So here's a game plan to help you
break the cycle of negative self talk.

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Let me.

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Say this before we get started.

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It's not a one and done.

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This is a long process.

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It takes a lot of work, but I promise
these five steps I'm going to share with

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you will actually help you start the
process of breaking this negative self

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talk cycle that's sabotaging your life.

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First things, practice self compassion,
treat yourself with the same kindness and

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understanding you would offer to your best
friend and the people you love the most.

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When.

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If you wouldn't blast them when
they struggle in a difficult

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situation, don't blast yourself.

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There's a difference, like I
said, between holding yourself

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accountable for something and bashing
yourself in negative self-talk.

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So be mindful of your self-talk and
replace the harsh criticism with some

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compassionate language for yourself 'cause
you wouldn't bl your best friend for that.

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Got it.

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Start there.

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It's gonna be hard.

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It's one of the harder steps.

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The second one is you
have to be aware of it.

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So pay attention to your thoughts and
identify when negative self talk occurs.

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You can't change it
without acknowledging it.

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So recognize the patterns that put you
into that mindset and isolate the specific

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phrases that are your particular brand,
particular brand of negative self talk.

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All of us have three or four phrases.

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If we struggle with negative self
talk and I include myself in this

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slip out of our mouths on a regular
basis or slip into our minds.

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I've been caught by guests I've
had on the show and they were like,

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Ooh, why did you use that phrase?

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Right?

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So isolate and recognize those
specific phrases that you're using.

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So you are aware of it happening
so you can do something about it.

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The third step is to challenge
those negative thoughts.

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Once you start to isolate those specific
phrases and recognize those patterns.

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When you bring them up, when you have
them, when you say them question the

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validity of that negative thought, ask
yourself, is there evidence and reliable

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data to support that crap that's coming
out of your mouth or out of your head or

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in your head, as the case may be, or if
you're just blasting out emotional and

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frustration, do you actually have the
data to support the, what you are saying?

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Cause I really doubt you do.

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I have a lot of faith in you.

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I think that you are probably an
extraordinary person, whether you

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accept that about yourself or not.

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And I would wager that you blast yourself
way, way, way harder than anybody

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should and way harder than you deserve.

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So give yourself some credit here,
recognize those words and go, is there

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evidence to support what I'm saying?

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Is there evidence to support
the way I'm treating myself?

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Is there reliable data?

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That makes this valid, a valid
reaction, or am I just frustrated?

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Step four is to change the verbiage.

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Once you recognize those words and
those phrases, and you start evaluating

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them, you need to replace the negative
and limiting statements with a

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positive, growth related verbiage.

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This is weird, I know, but it
actually has a major impact.

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As you learn your particular phrases,
like, I'm not good enough can become I'm

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growing into the person I want to be.

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Or let's, let's simplify it, right?

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Let's get real basic.

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I can't can become, I will with more
effort takes more to say has a more

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intensive thought because as the quote
goes, if you say you can't, you're right.

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It's that self limiting belief.

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So start changing the words
once you recognize them.

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Be aware of those words, be aware
of those phrases, be aware of what

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they are, challenge the validity
of them, and start changing the

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verbiage coming out of your mouth.

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Because if it's coming out of your
mouth, it's already going through

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your head and probably in your
heart, and it's holding you back.

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And you need to start reprogramming.

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Number five, we're getting
into the science here, okay?

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So, this is scientifically proven to
work to create new neural pathways.

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to help you deal with negative self talk.

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This is not Brent.

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You can look this up.

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And I have to preface that because y'all
are going to go, this is stupid, Brent.

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I know that was my reaction.

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Guess what?

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I was wrong.

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Repeat this to yourself 20
times every single morning.

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First thing, when you get out of bed.

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Every day in every way, I'm
getting better and better.

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Repeat it 10 times every time you start
to blast yourself with negative self talk.

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Then again, before you go to bed.

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Every day in every way, I'm
getting better and better.

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Now, I know that sounds like
a crock, guys, but it's not.

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I promise you, I'm not flapping
something saying it's science,

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it's not actually science.

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Hopefully you know me
better than that by now.

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This is legitimate,
even if it sounds lame.

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Every day, in every way, I'm
getting better and better.

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This literally starts to create new,
positive neural pathways in your brain to

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help you change that verbiage and to help
you get rid of the negative self talk.

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Breaking the habit of negative
self talk takes time and practice.

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It's not going to be fast.

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It's going to be something you have
to work at and work at and work at.

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These five steps will help you have a plan
of action for the moment in that moment.

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And it's something that
you can apply today.

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Consistency in applying these strategies
can lead to a more positive and

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constructive mindset with practice.

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and consistency.

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I'm really hammering the word consistency.

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This is work guys, but it's
work that's worth doing.

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Some other strategies that you can
help with this negative self, used to

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help with the negative self talk and
that you can explore to get this monkey

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off your back on top of this five step
process that we are talking about doing.

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That's an on the moment response.

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Okay.

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That's the process you want to
attack right then as it's happening.

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Mindfulness and meditation
practices have been proven to help.

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focusing on being solution oriented
instead of problem oriented, right?

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Pez, uh, be optimistic instead of
pessimistic, basically surrounding

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yourself with a better circle of people
who are going to call you out on this.

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And guys, we are not helping
each other as men by not calling

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our friends on this bull crap.

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Cause we do all the time in
conversations, we put ourselves

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down and our friends are just like,
Oh, We go with it instead of going,

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stop talking about like that, right?

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It's stupid resist comparisons.

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Social media is really bad for
fueling this, not egging social

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media, just egg social media.

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But a lot of times we get on social media
and can we compare our lives to the 1

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percent snapshots of somebody else's.

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So resist comparison because that
will absolutely fuel that negative

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self talk seeking professional help.

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If it is really bad.

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If you beat yourself up all
the time, there's no shame

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in getting professional help.

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And they can actually work with you with
what I was talking about earlier, which is

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cognitive behavioral.

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If I say this right, I'm
going to say it wrong.

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Cognitive behavioral therapy.

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Okay.

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We're practicing that with these
five steps, but they can help you.

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It's been a very effective way to help
people get rid of that negative self talk

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or try developing your gratitude practice.

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You know, we're big fans of that here.

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And I promise that actually helps
you with this as well as dealing

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with negative self talk is crucial.

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For both personal and professional
success by actively challenging

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negative thoughts and adopting a
positive mindset, you can rebuild

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your confidence and your motivation.

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It's not only improved decision
making and performance, but it also

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leads to healthier relationships and
a better way of handling setbacks.

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Overcoming limiting beliefs
allows for continual personal

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and professional growth.

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By prioritizing self compassion, right?

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Treating yourself like your friend
with, instead of like you do and

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using effective techniques like
cognitive behavioral therapy and

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positive affirmations, like we talked
about, I know sounding kind of lame.

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But it works.

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Individuals set themselves on a path
forward, empowering environment.

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Success isn't just about
external achievements.

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It's about having the right mindset
that propels individuals towards their

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goals with determination and confidence.

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Guys, go back, listen to it again.

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If you need to write down the
affirmation, I know it seems weird.

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Maybe not making too big of a
deal of it, but if I think it's

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weird, you probably will too.

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Every day in every way, I'm
getting better and better.

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Try it out.

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Take it for a spin.

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What, what do you got to lose?

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Right?

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Be better tomorrow because what you do
today, we'll see you on the next one.

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This has been the fellow man podcast.

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You're home to everything, man, husband,
and father, be sure to subscribe.

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00:15:41,894 --> 00:15:47,354
So you don't miss a show head over to www.

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00:15:47,355 --> 00:15:47,575
thefallibleman.

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00:15:47,575 --> 00:15:51,504
com for more content and get
your own fallible man gear.

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00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:56,159
I'm not taking I ain't waiting
and wishing I'm not taking