Mastering Love After 40: Men’s Dating Mindset Shifts | Krista Melanson

1
00:00:00,810 --> 00:00:05,660
Believe in yourself and the
ability to find love in your life.

2
00:00:06,580 --> 00:00:09,440
You're worthy, you deserve it, and
there's somebody out there for you.

3
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,010
Don't ever give up.

4
00:00:16,660 --> 00:00:17,950
Here's the million dollar question.

5
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:22,110
How do men like us reach our full
potential, grow into the men we

6
00:00:22,110 --> 00:00:26,360
dream of being, while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

7
00:00:26,689 --> 00:00:30,150
being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

8
00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:32,540
Well, that's the big question.

9
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,230
In this podcast, We'll help you
answer those questions and more.

10
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,100
My name is Brent and welcome
to the fallible man podcast.

11
00:00:43,089 --> 00:00:45,629
Welcome to the album and podcast,
your home for all things, man,

12
00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,919
husband, and father, big shout
out to fallible nation and a warm

13
00:00:48,919 --> 00:00:50,330
welcome to our first time listeners.

14
00:00:50,529 --> 00:00:51,739
Hey, thanks for giving us a chance.

15
00:00:51,740 --> 00:00:53,619
We know there's a lot out there
asking for your attention.

16
00:00:53,619 --> 00:00:56,469
So I hope you enjoy the show and
be sure and drop us a comment.

17
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:57,430
Let us know what you think.

18
00:00:57,889 --> 00:01:00,870
My name is Brent and today, my
guest is dating coach, Christian

19
00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:03,269
Krista will Hanson, Krista.

20
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,370
Welcome to the fallible man podcast.

21
00:01:06,110 --> 00:01:07,650
Hey Brent, I'm so excited to be here.

22
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:08,940
Thanks so much for having me.

23
00:01:09,730 --> 00:01:11,880
Krista, I love having these conversations.

24
00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:15,140
I love being a podcaster because
I get to meet interesting people

25
00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:18,079
and I'm going to carry away if
I go away from my notes too far.

26
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,340
So, we like to start the
show kind of easy going.

27
00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:23,879
Krista, how's your trivia, random trivia?

28
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:28,660
Ooh, well, you know, I'm one of
those people who likes to think

29
00:01:28,660 --> 00:01:32,770
my trivia is great and then I
have no answer, so go for it.

30
00:01:33,530 --> 00:01:34,430
Fair enough, okay.

31
00:01:35,405 --> 00:01:43,955
Which country is the band ACDC from, is
it New Zealand, the UK, USA, or Australia?

32
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:46,654
Australia, Australia.

33
00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:47,604
All right.

34
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:52,324
For all of you playing at home, you
know, the rules don't cheat, make your

35
00:01:52,324 --> 00:01:54,754
guess, write it down, do the thing.

36
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,154
And we'll get back to
that later in the show.

37
00:01:58,065 --> 00:02:02,085
Now, I, I started out with the
hard question right off the front.

38
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,210
In your own words, who is Krista Molasson?

39
00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:11,910
Um, well, first and foremost,
I'd say I'm a mother.

40
00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:17,720
Because I've got three kids, and when you
have kids, I believe you make a commitment

41
00:02:17,730 --> 00:02:19,430
to them from the day you're born.

42
00:02:19,779 --> 00:02:24,319
So, first and foremost, I'm a mom of
three kids, who are not kids anymore.

43
00:02:24,319 --> 00:02:26,669
They're 18, 21, and 24.

44
00:02:26,670 --> 00:02:29,540
So, they need me less,
but I still need them.

45
00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:33,360
Um, second off, I'm a partner.

46
00:02:33,515 --> 00:02:38,925
And my partner knows because I told him
when I first met him that if push comes to

47
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,245
shove, he'd come second place to my kids.

48
00:02:41,675 --> 00:02:46,415
Um, but I'm just a person who
loves people and I believe in

49
00:02:46,415 --> 00:02:48,534
people almost to a fault sometimes.

50
00:02:48,904 --> 00:02:53,544
And I want people to be happy and I want
to spread happiness around the world.

51
00:02:53,545 --> 00:02:56,304
So I'm kind of like just the happy girl.

52
00:02:58,225 --> 00:02:59,485
Nothing wrong with being happy.

53
00:03:00,315 --> 00:03:02,555
We could use a little more
happiness in the world, I think.

54
00:03:02,654 --> 00:03:05,244
So never a bad place to be.

55
00:03:06,595 --> 00:03:07,305
That's what I think.

56
00:03:07,950 --> 00:03:11,519
Are you more of a morning person
or a night owl morning for sure?

57
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,859
Yeah, out of curiosity.

58
00:03:14,859 --> 00:03:17,079
How's your what's what's
your partners on that one?

59
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:24,099
Um, He's more of a morning person as
well I mean I'm not saying get up at five

60
00:03:24,099 --> 00:03:28,019
o'clock in the morning person because
that's kind of gross But you know, I like

61
00:03:28,019 --> 00:03:34,030
to get up and get going and I'm usually
falling asleep by 10 30 or 11 So, okay, I

62
00:03:34,030 --> 00:03:36,400
was you know, they say opposites attract.

63
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,709
My wife is a night owl
and I'm a morning person.

64
00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:42,415
So, okay interesting Yeah,
no, we're about the same.

65
00:03:44,085 --> 00:03:47,475
If you could have dinner with any person
in history, who would it be and why?

66
00:03:52,005 --> 00:03:57,644
Um, I'd have to say it's kind of not an
exciting answer, but I'd have to say,

67
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,864
because I am actually a chef by trade.

68
00:04:00,304 --> 00:04:02,765
Um, or I say I'm a recovering chef.

69
00:04:03,065 --> 00:04:08,655
Um, I'd love to sit down with Julia
Child because she was such an iconic

70
00:04:08,665 --> 00:04:11,555
American chef who trained in France.

71
00:04:11,555 --> 00:04:14,065
And actually I went to the
same school that she did.

72
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:18,469
And, um, I'm really a foodie, so
I kind of like talking about all

73
00:04:18,479 --> 00:04:21,519
things food, so I think she'd be a
really interesting person to talk to.

74
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:23,300
Favorite ice cream?

75
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:30,500
Um, Haagen Dazs, um, pralines and cream.

76
00:04:31,149 --> 00:04:31,579
Okay.

77
00:04:33,599 --> 00:04:35,340
It's nice to have a
fellow foodie on the show.

78
00:04:35,519 --> 00:04:38,559
I'm not a trained chef,
but I'm, I'm minor in chef.

79
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,530
That's, that's what I
do for stress relief.

80
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:40,960
I cook.

81
00:04:41,925 --> 00:04:42,395
Awesome.

82
00:04:43,005 --> 00:04:43,895
Yeah, I do too.

83
00:04:43,895 --> 00:04:47,105
I love, I love cooking and I've kind
of taught it to my kids a bit too.

84
00:04:47,105 --> 00:04:49,425
And I'm interested to see that
they like to cook as well.

85
00:04:49,775 --> 00:04:54,374
And my partner, he can cook, but we
joke about it because he doesn't.

86
00:04:54,835 --> 00:04:57,535
But I always say, you know, I heard
a rumor you can cook and he goes,

87
00:04:57,815 --> 00:05:00,465
uh, but I do most of the cooking.

88
00:05:01,564 --> 00:05:01,834
Okay.

89
00:05:02,734 --> 00:05:05,255
I, uh, I, I fell in love with
cooking when I was younger.

90
00:05:05,255 --> 00:05:07,135
I grew up in a family that
just everybody cooked.

91
00:05:07,185 --> 00:05:07,604
So.

92
00:05:08,085 --> 00:05:08,575
Awesome.

93
00:05:08,745 --> 00:05:09,935
Something I've always done.

94
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:12,685
I don't like cooking in
small kitchens though.

95
00:05:13,615 --> 00:05:15,315
Little nasty galley kitchens.

96
00:05:15,625 --> 00:05:16,035
Yeah.

97
00:05:17,454 --> 00:05:19,435
You need space to spread out.

98
00:05:19,744 --> 00:05:20,154
Right?

99
00:05:20,545 --> 00:05:20,835
Yeah.

100
00:05:20,985 --> 00:05:21,605
So much.

101
00:05:22,835 --> 00:05:25,104
Trista, what purchase of a hundred
dollars or less have you made

102
00:05:25,104 --> 00:05:27,164
in the last year that's had the
biggest impact on your life?

103
00:05:27,254 --> 00:05:31,784
Oh, that's a really good question.

104
00:05:32,055 --> 00:05:39,000
Um, Well, you know, I have to say it
sounds kind of funny, but my water bottles

105
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,620
from Costco, 25 bucks for two of them.

106
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:47,539
Um, they're a little over a liter and it
helps me gauge how much water I drink.

107
00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:50,649
And so when I drink two of
those a day, I know that I've

108
00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:52,469
completed my water consumption.

109
00:05:52,469 --> 00:05:54,929
And I think that makes a
huge difference in your life.

110
00:05:54,929 --> 00:05:58,319
My mom always used to say, my mom
was very young looking and beautiful.

111
00:05:58,710 --> 00:06:02,230
And she always used to say, drink lots
of water, makes your skin wonderful.

112
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:05,810
So I always keep that in mind
and try and drink all my water.

113
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:06,670
Okay.

114
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:08,700
What are you most proud of?

115
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,000
My kids, no question.

116
00:06:13,230 --> 00:06:17,119
I didn't think that one was going
to be a stretch for you, but yeah.

117
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,660
What's one random fact that
people don't know about you?

118
00:06:23,390 --> 00:06:27,709
Um, I really like SpaghettiOs.

119
00:06:29,039 --> 00:06:30,720
Like the Chef Boyardee?

120
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:31,350
Oh yeah.

121
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:32,980
In the can SpaghettiOs.

122
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,140
And to make it even worse, I
like them with white bread.

123
00:06:43,205 --> 00:06:44,165
I can't criticize.

124
00:06:44,165 --> 00:06:45,255
I still love top ramen.

125
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:46,185
Right.

126
00:06:46,345 --> 00:06:46,825
There you go.

127
00:06:50,445 --> 00:06:55,674
What is one thing everyone should
know before we dig into today's show?

128
00:06:57,344 --> 00:07:01,424
Um, you mean should know in
general about life or about me?

129
00:07:01,684 --> 00:07:02,284
About you.

130
00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:06,065
Um, I tell it like it is.

131
00:07:06,354 --> 00:07:11,804
I'm never going to, um, fluff
something over to tell somebody

132
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:12,765
what they want to hear.

133
00:07:12,794 --> 00:07:14,155
I'm just not that person.

134
00:07:14,164 --> 00:07:14,884
I never will be.

135
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:15,694
I never was.

136
00:07:15,794 --> 00:07:21,174
And consequently, that spills over
into my parenting and my partnership

137
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,714
and my business and everything.

138
00:07:22,805 --> 00:07:24,745
Um, what you see is what you get.

139
00:07:24,784 --> 00:07:25,354
I am me.

140
00:07:26,554 --> 00:07:26,974
I love it.

141
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:28,074
Love it.

142
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:33,940
Guys, we spent just a few minutes
getting to know who Krista is so

143
00:07:33,940 --> 00:07:37,620
that as we go into the next part
of the show, you know, a little bit

144
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:41,160
about her, we're going to dive into
changing your mindset about dating.

145
00:07:42,309 --> 00:07:44,140
We're going to roll our sponsor
and we'll be right back with

146
00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:45,330
more from Kristen Lawson.

147
00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:47,110
How well do you sleep at night?

148
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,780
Do you toss and turn and wake up
more tired than when you went to bed?

149
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:52,949
Sleep is commonly one of
the critical elements people

150
00:07:52,949 --> 00:07:54,250
fall short on in their life.

151
00:07:54,569 --> 00:07:57,430
The quality of sleep you get directly
affects your ability to control

152
00:07:57,430 --> 00:08:00,820
your weight, your ability to add
muscle, your stress levels, and your

153
00:08:00,869 --> 00:08:02,460
everyday job and life performance.

154
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:07,190
If you're ready to move to the next level
and sleep has to be part of the plan.

155
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:09,140
Check out our friends at ghostbed.

156
00:08:09,140 --> 00:08:09,430
com.

157
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:10,860
If you're ready to get your best sleep.

158
00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,880
I love my ghost bed.

159
00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,559
I've been sleeping on one for a
couple of years and has made a

160
00:08:14,559 --> 00:08:16,159
huge difference in how I sleep.

161
00:08:16,550 --> 00:08:17,389
Hit ghostbed.

162
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:17,690
com.

163
00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:21,710
Use the code, the fallible man, 30 to
get 30 percent off your order and start

164
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,449
getting better night's sleep tomorrow.

165
00:08:24,589 --> 00:08:26,500
Now let's go on to the show.

166
00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:27,455
Guys, welcome back.

167
00:08:27,455 --> 00:08:30,245
In the first part of the show, we just
spent some time getting to know who Krista

168
00:08:30,255 --> 00:08:32,355
is before we continue this conversation.

169
00:08:32,885 --> 00:08:34,725
In this part of the show,
we're going to talk about

170
00:08:34,825 --> 00:08:36,425
changing your mindset on dating.

171
00:08:37,235 --> 00:08:40,975
And Krista, I got to admit, I was
like, when you and I connected,

172
00:08:40,975 --> 00:08:44,854
I was really excited about the
possibilities on this because this

173
00:08:44,854 --> 00:08:46,484
is a really uncomfortable topic.

174
00:08:46,504 --> 00:08:50,475
And this is not something that I actually
can really help my audience with.

175
00:08:51,535 --> 00:08:54,265
I, I've been married now for 22 years.

176
00:08:54,355 --> 00:08:54,985
That's awesome.

177
00:08:55,540 --> 00:09:05,100
And when, when guys ask me about dating,
I'm like, um, I try and date my wife.

178
00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:13,700
It's my marriage better, but, uh, it's
really not my, so I, I I'm really excited

179
00:09:13,739 --> 00:09:15,820
to get some insights from you today.

180
00:09:16,535 --> 00:09:22,515
About dating, because this is just not my
field now for those of us, like myself,

181
00:09:22,515 --> 00:09:29,825
who are way off this, I like what little
bits I see on the modern dating scene.

182
00:09:29,825 --> 00:09:31,204
Just scare the crap out of me.

183
00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:34,225
Can you, can you give us some insights?

184
00:09:34,254 --> 00:09:40,585
What does it look like dating in
2023 in the, in the 2020s era?

185
00:09:42,194 --> 00:09:47,765
Well, I'll tell you the word that I
used to use and made me start doing

186
00:09:47,765 --> 00:09:49,944
what I'm doing is it's soul crushing.

187
00:09:50,904 --> 00:09:53,105
It's just, it's embarrassing.

188
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,195
It's humiliating.

189
00:09:54,205 --> 00:09:55,345
It's uncomfortable.

190
00:09:55,825 --> 00:10:02,430
And I haven't met anybody who Right off
the bat says, oh, yeah, I love dating.

191
00:10:02,430 --> 00:10:03,629
This is great.

192
00:10:03,639 --> 00:10:08,132
You know the prime of my life nobody
feels that at all and I mentioned earlier.

193
00:10:08,132 --> 00:10:10,869
I have a 21 year old daughter.

194
00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:14,530
So I talked to her about dating too.

195
00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:17,800
Of course, I know nothing and I'm a
complete idiot when I'm talking to

196
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:22,410
her But I do hope that she hears it
and processes it and turns it into

197
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:29,129
her own idea or whatever but it's
difficult because today's And I'm not

198
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,889
even going to say one generation in
particular, because as, you know, a

199
00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:35,980
57 year old person, I do it myself.

200
00:10:36,319 --> 00:10:40,190
We hide behind our phones and
we hide behind our screens.

201
00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:40,500
Right.

202
00:10:41,179 --> 00:10:46,869
And I'll tell you years ago,
um, we went to the dentist and.

203
00:10:47,575 --> 00:10:48,615
We were in the dentist's office.

204
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:52,805
I had all three kids for a dentist
appointment and two kids that they knew

205
00:10:52,805 --> 00:10:58,495
that they went to Paddling camp with
every day came into the office Because

206
00:10:58,495 --> 00:11:00,235
they had appointments on the same day.

207
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,974
And when we left I said, did
you see those guys there?

208
00:11:03,974 --> 00:11:08,795
Did you say hi and my daughter goes
mom you don't just say hi to people and

209
00:11:08,795 --> 00:11:15,435
I'm like, yes You do and then at nine
o'clock that night She gets a text saw

210
00:11:15,435 --> 00:11:21,005
you at the dentist today, and I'm like
Okay, like this is crazy, but this is

211
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:26,225
what people do they hide behind their
phones and their screens and so people

212
00:11:26,225 --> 00:11:31,140
who Are nervous about dating or maybe
don't have confidence or if they're just

213
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:40,720
genuinely not great authentic people,
they can, they can hide, um, in texts

214
00:11:40,770 --> 00:11:44,230
and conversations that are superficial.

215
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:49,719
Um, they don't necessarily have to
have an accurate photo of themselves.

216
00:11:50,069 --> 00:11:52,669
So it can be really difficult
from that perspective.

217
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:54,979
And a lot of that's where a lot
of people run into problems.

218
00:11:55,325 --> 00:11:56,395
And it's men and women.

219
00:11:56,395 --> 00:11:57,325
It's not just women.

220
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,895
Women would swear they're
the only ones who have the

221
00:11:59,895 --> 00:12:01,395
issue, but it's men and women.

222
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:06,425
Um, where you talk to somebody and they're
absolutely not what they seem to be.

223
00:12:06,995 --> 00:12:11,754
So you invest time and energy
in connecting with somebody

224
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:14,555
only to find out that that's
not who you're connecting with.

225
00:12:14,555 --> 00:12:16,625
Oh my goodness.

226
00:12:17,275 --> 00:12:18,715
I actually saw, what was it?

227
00:12:18,725 --> 00:12:20,745
I think it was a YouTube video, right?

228
00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:22,745
Because everything, you see
everything on YouTube these days.

229
00:12:22,745 --> 00:12:23,085
Of course.

230
00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:24,165
Screens.

231
00:12:24,165 --> 00:12:25,205
More screens.

232
00:12:26,725 --> 00:12:34,885
And it was, uh, some female influencer
took on a male profile for her little

233
00:12:34,885 --> 00:12:40,735
brother, because he was just, he, he,
he, he'd given up on dating entirely.

234
00:12:41,535 --> 00:12:44,764
And she had never had a problem
with dating and she's like,

235
00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:45,825
Oh, it can't be that bad.

236
00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:51,315
And so she took on like his
profile and she was just poured

237
00:12:51,455 --> 00:12:56,965
the different experience she had
from being on like her profile.

238
00:12:57,615 --> 00:12:57,944
Yeah.

239
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:02,475
Uh, on this dating app and it's
like, you know, so men and women

240
00:13:02,475 --> 00:13:07,114
have their own, each one is facing
their own, you know, uphill battle on

241
00:13:07,145 --> 00:13:13,914
different areas of this modern dating
landscape, but it's just crazy, right?

242
00:13:13,914 --> 00:13:17,655
I I'm, I'm, uh, 43, right.

243
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:23,325
I'm not incredibly old, but I wouldn't
even know how to date at this point.

244
00:13:23,585 --> 00:13:23,855
Right.

245
00:13:24,525 --> 00:13:27,595
Honestly, like I'm, I'm so grateful
that I haven't married this long.

246
00:13:27,595 --> 00:13:31,135
My wife still puts up with me cause
I wouldn't have put up with me this

247
00:13:31,135 --> 00:13:34,595
long, but I can be a little difficult.

248
00:13:34,645 --> 00:13:43,324
I know, but it's, uh, it's such
an incredibly different world

249
00:13:44,354 --> 00:13:49,665
just, just in the last 20 years
of what dating looks like, right?

250
00:13:49,775 --> 00:13:54,265
I grew up, you, you met a
girl at school or church.

251
00:13:55,905 --> 00:13:59,295
And chances are that's, that's whoever you
ended up marrying was coming from school,

252
00:13:59,295 --> 00:14:02,745
church, or college, where I came from.

253
00:14:03,145 --> 00:14:03,565
Right.

254
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:10,975
So now I, I have friends who go to the
bar to meet people or it was like, are

255
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,115
you going to the bar to meet people
or are you going to bar to drink?

256
00:14:13,930 --> 00:14:14,569
Or hookup.

257
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:15,810
Right.

258
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:16,099
Yeah.

259
00:14:16,270 --> 00:14:19,960
Is that really, I had a conversation
with a friend of mine, he's like,

260
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:23,129
is that really where you're going to
find the most quality connections?

261
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:27,500
I'm just saying, you
know, not, not judging.

262
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,949
I used to go to the bar more, but
it's, it's not really where you

263
00:14:31,949 --> 00:14:33,869
go to find quality connections.

264
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:35,939
I don't really know.

265
00:14:36,494 --> 00:14:39,825
But it doesn't sound
like the opportune place.

266
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:44,574
So, Christy, you had an
experience with this, right?

267
00:14:44,574 --> 00:14:47,214
And that's kind of what
started this for you.

268
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:51,184
Can you tell us, tell us what
was your experience with this?

269
00:14:51,244 --> 00:14:54,484
Well, yeah, I absolutely did.

270
00:14:54,485 --> 00:14:56,954
And, um, it's kind of interesting.

271
00:14:58,085 --> 00:15:01,985
Um, I met my partner online
on tinder, which everyone's

272
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:03,325
like, Oh, tinder is terrible.

273
00:15:03,355 --> 00:15:05,635
Tinder is easy and it's, it's mindless.

274
00:15:05,635 --> 00:15:06,865
So it works.

275
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:11,345
But, um, my boyfriend also went
through the dating experience.

276
00:15:11,355 --> 00:15:14,405
So I kind of draw from both
of our experiences, which

277
00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:15,825
is really helpful for me.

278
00:15:16,214 --> 00:15:21,425
But you know, it was tough because you'd
meet somebody online, you'd connect

279
00:15:21,425 --> 00:15:24,725
with them and you'd have a couple of
conversations and then they'd ghost you,

280
00:15:24,735 --> 00:15:26,239
which was, you know, you know, it's.

281
00:15:26,610 --> 00:15:29,410
Left scratching your head saying, you
know, I thought we were having a good

282
00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:35,060
conversation or, um, I'm kind of a big
advocate for a little bit of Nancy Drew

283
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,100
when you first start talking to people.

284
00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:40,699
So, I would do the Nancy Drew and
find out that they're not at all

285
00:15:40,709 --> 00:15:44,880
who they said they were going to
be, right, which is problematic.

286
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:50,920
Um, so there's, there was just so
much junk to wade through and, and,

287
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,830
you know, when you meet somebody
and you go out on a date with them

288
00:15:54,830 --> 00:15:56,110
and the date doesn't work out.

289
00:15:56,475 --> 00:15:57,985
It's not a big failure.

290
00:15:57,985 --> 00:15:59,205
It's not a terrible thing.

291
00:15:59,235 --> 00:16:01,325
Each person you meet is a connection.

292
00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:04,595
Each date you have is
practice for the real one.

293
00:16:05,545 --> 00:16:08,935
But sometimes after you do this on
and on, you just start to think,

294
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,775
is it ever going to get anywhere?

295
00:16:10,775 --> 00:16:11,165
Right?

296
00:16:11,624 --> 00:16:14,865
And so it can be so
frustrating from that respect.

297
00:16:15,205 --> 00:16:20,655
And You know, a lot of the connections,
like I said earlier, where you meet

298
00:16:20,675 --> 00:16:24,635
somebody and you connect with them,
but then they don't turn out to be who

299
00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:28,255
they said they'd be, you know, they've
got a picture that's 20 years old, and

300
00:16:28,524 --> 00:16:31,554
you go to meet them in a restaurant,
you walk right past them because

301
00:16:31,555 --> 00:16:33,474
they don't look remotely familiar.

302
00:16:33,974 --> 00:16:35,514
And that's frustrating too, right?

303
00:16:35,525 --> 00:16:39,160
Because honestly, you I mean,
for me, honesty is huge.

304
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:40,449
That's a deal breaker.

305
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:45,040
If somebody is dishonest or misrepresents
themselves or whatever, but honesty is

306
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:51,359
so important when you are trying to meet
somebody, um, especially online, because

307
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,829
if you don't have that honesty, then the
first meet or the first connection that

308
00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:56,549
you have in real life with somebody.

309
00:16:56,780 --> 00:17:02,890
It's going to be a disappointment
and based on, on, um, deception, and

310
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:04,990
that's never going to go anywhere.

311
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:07,800
And people are crazy if
they think it is, you know?

312
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:14,800
So it's really hard, um, to keep
positive and to stay with it.

313
00:17:14,829 --> 00:17:16,929
And you hear so many
people say, you know what?

314
00:17:17,319 --> 00:17:18,219
I quit dating.

315
00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:20,200
I'm going to stay single
for the rest of my life.

316
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:21,930
It's not worth the hassle.

317
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:27,510
But I always believed from the get
go that it was worth the hassle.

318
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:31,335
You know, finding that person to
share your life with was worth it.

319
00:17:31,395 --> 00:17:34,885
And I believe that more so,
more so now than I ever did.

320
00:17:37,965 --> 00:17:44,694
Now you, you hit a point where
you've shifted your mindset.

321
00:17:46,885 --> 00:17:49,094
What, what does that look like?

322
00:17:49,545 --> 00:17:49,675
Right.

323
00:17:49,745 --> 00:17:56,354
Cause I know, I know some single guys who
are very frustrated with dating scene.

324
00:17:57,424 --> 00:18:02,475
They, they, I, I, I struggle
because they're good friends of

325
00:18:02,475 --> 00:18:07,365
mine who, you know, I just, I
just watch it beat their ego.

326
00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:10,575
Down and I'm not talking like a bad ego.

327
00:18:10,575 --> 00:18:12,215
Just like they're that's the wrong word.

328
00:18:12,215 --> 00:18:14,955
I'm looking for no, I know
exactly what you mean They're,

329
00:18:14,995 --> 00:18:16,485
they're self image, right?

330
00:18:16,485 --> 00:18:18,445
They erode their confidence over time.

331
00:18:19,524 --> 00:18:25,475
Yeah, it's um, it's, it was
difficult because like I said,

332
00:18:26,185 --> 00:18:29,025
so many people want to quit and I
went through those times, right?

333
00:18:29,054 --> 00:18:32,714
I would delete the ass and say that's it,
I can't do this anymore, it's ridiculous.

334
00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:36,905
And, you know, I would have that soul
crushing feeling and that, you know,

335
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:44,100
questioning myself and writing down pros
and cons and I admit there were times when

336
00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:50,720
I might have been that person who posted,
you know, venting on Facebook or whatever.

337
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:54,730
And a couple times I've seen an
old post come up in my memories.

338
00:18:55,410 --> 00:19:00,030
And one of them I saw not that long
ago was from six or seven years ago.

339
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,480
And it, and essentially I was
saying, I'm pretty sure I have more

340
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:06,590
pros than cons on my checklist.

341
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,570
I don't know what the problem is
and why I can't meet somebody.

342
00:19:10,705 --> 00:19:14,885
And so, and that's what it is, you're,
you reach a point in your life, you

343
00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:20,615
know, here I am a reasonably intelligent,
not so horrible looking human being

344
00:19:20,875 --> 00:19:23,514
who cares and wants to find somebody.

345
00:19:23,875 --> 00:19:26,325
But I can't I I'm not
connecting with anyone.

346
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:32,184
And so it got to the point where, um,
I always want to find an answer, like,

347
00:19:32,875 --> 00:19:36,435
I curiosity killed the cat I'd be dead
a million times because I want to know

348
00:19:36,435 --> 00:19:38,674
why things happen and how they work.

349
00:19:38,975 --> 00:19:40,905
And so I started researching.

350
00:19:41,415 --> 00:19:48,485
Um, dating and relationships and I
took courses and I actually took a

351
00:19:48,504 --> 00:19:53,514
relationship accreditation course so
that I knew, um, how the interaction

352
00:19:53,514 --> 00:19:56,995
between men and women and, and the
best way for relationships to work.

353
00:19:58,145 --> 00:20:05,435
And I learned about, um, believing
in myself and, um, having faith

354
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,415
in my ability to attract somebody.

355
00:20:08,455 --> 00:20:09,725
And I learned that.

356
00:20:10,185 --> 00:20:15,345
Um, people react in dating situations
in different ways for different reasons,

357
00:20:15,355 --> 00:20:18,835
so that I could have a little more
grace when I was talking to somebody.

358
00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:24,304
And I understood and became aware of the
fact that I was nervous, but that didn't

359
00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:26,624
mean the guy wasn't nervous too, right?

360
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:32,534
And so, learning to accept myself for
who I was and appreciate myself for who

361
00:20:32,534 --> 00:20:37,735
I was, and also understand the people
I'm interacting with at the same time.

362
00:20:38,340 --> 00:20:44,960
Was really what made the difference
between feeling frustrated and kind

363
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:49,690
of lonely and dejected all the time to
having hope and feeling more positive

364
00:20:49,709 --> 00:20:54,080
and knowing that I was going to find
that person and attract him into my life.

365
00:20:57,639 --> 00:20:58,679
I should unmute myself.

366
00:20:58,679 --> 00:20:59,030
There we go.

367
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:09,790
That's an interesting observation, uh,
that you focused on just seeing people

368
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:14,649
at their core, you saw yourself and went,
this is who I am and how I'm feeling.

369
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:15,420
And that's okay.

370
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:19,970
And this is another human being and
they're feeling and they have their

371
00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:25,190
discomforts and oh my goodness,
you've treated people like humans.

372
00:21:27,409 --> 00:21:32,590
Yeah, and it's difficult to understand
to really believe because you know when

373
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:40,179
you're in the moment of feeling, you
know, nervous or rejected or undervalued,

374
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:44,299
it's hard to take yourself out of
yourself to look and see that the other

375
00:21:44,299 --> 00:21:46,259
person may actually feel the same way.

376
00:21:47,255 --> 00:21:49,655
And forgive me, I'm not, I'm
not mocking you in any way.

377
00:21:49,915 --> 00:21:58,355
I'm, it's so frustrating for me because
so many people lose that aspect of in,

378
00:21:58,805 --> 00:22:02,814
in this modern world of technology where
we're stuck behind screens all the time.

379
00:22:03,925 --> 00:22:09,514
We have lost touch with connecting
with people on a human level

380
00:22:10,405 --> 00:22:12,415
and going, Hey, you know what?

381
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:14,999
I have apprehension about this.

382
00:22:15,659 --> 00:22:17,439
You're probably a little
uncomfortable too, huh?

383
00:22:18,610 --> 00:22:18,889
Right.

384
00:22:18,889 --> 00:22:21,050
We definitely human out of it.

385
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,989
And so, like I said, I'm,
I'm not mocking it at all.

386
00:22:23,990 --> 00:22:26,469
It's, it's such a pet peeve of mine.

387
00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:31,479
It's so frustrating because like,
look, you know, you're a person.

388
00:22:31,479 --> 00:22:32,190
I'm a person.

389
00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:33,389
You have the way you feel.

390
00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:34,740
I have the way I feel.

391
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:36,250
I'm uncomfortable here.

392
00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:37,400
You're right.

393
00:22:37,469 --> 00:22:39,549
This is real life.

394
00:22:40,409 --> 00:22:43,100
And so many people are missing it
these days because they're stuck

395
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:45,239
behind a screen where it's safe.

396
00:22:45,690 --> 00:22:46,030
Yep.

397
00:22:46,850 --> 00:22:48,220
But this is what makes life fun.

398
00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:50,090
Absolutely.

399
00:22:50,170 --> 00:22:52,350
And this is when I talk to people.

400
00:22:52,620 --> 00:22:58,840
Um, I'm a big advocate of, um, when
you're online dating that you connect

401
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:03,480
with somebody and chat with them
for a week or maximum two weeks.

402
00:23:04,004 --> 00:23:07,504
And then take it into real life because
you're not looking for pen pal, you're

403
00:23:07,504 --> 00:23:12,635
looking for a connection and there's
no way that you can have a connection

404
00:23:12,635 --> 00:23:14,575
with somebody through a screen, right?

405
00:23:14,614 --> 00:23:15,995
Tone is lost in text.

406
00:23:16,225 --> 00:23:20,254
How many times do we send an
innocent text to somebody?

407
00:23:21,075 --> 00:23:24,435
That's completely misconstrued
because you don't get the tone, right?

408
00:23:25,045 --> 00:23:30,915
And so, um, I always say you need to
get away from that and meet the person

409
00:23:30,915 --> 00:23:32,515
in real life just for coffee, right?

410
00:23:32,675 --> 00:23:35,815
The coffee, and I've been using
this as an example lately.

411
00:23:36,275 --> 00:23:39,805
If you can go into a grocery store and
bump into a great person in the produce

412
00:23:39,824 --> 00:23:42,064
section and have a conversation, awesome.

413
00:23:42,424 --> 00:23:44,224
But it doesn't ha happen that often.

414
00:23:45,144 --> 00:23:48,534
So if you're on the dating apps,
that is your grocery store where

415
00:23:48,645 --> 00:23:50,325
you bump into people, right?

416
00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:54,510
So you don't find somebody's life
story and, you know, have your first

417
00:23:54,510 --> 00:23:59,430
date in the grocery store when you
bump into them, you have connection

418
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:04,760
where you decide that you're going to
go and maybe have a date if the person

419
00:24:04,770 --> 00:24:08,730
asks you out, or if you ask them out,
so dating apps are similar, right?

420
00:24:08,730 --> 00:24:10,700
You make that connection and then, okay.

421
00:24:11,330 --> 00:24:14,480
Let's see if we can go a
little bit further and meet

422
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,890
in person and have a date.

423
00:24:16,230 --> 00:24:19,010
But the dating never should
happen in a dating app.

424
00:24:19,010 --> 00:24:20,380
It should happen in real life.

425
00:24:20,690 --> 00:24:24,139
And we would prefer to have
connections in real life, but

426
00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:25,579
sometimes it's just not that easy.

427
00:24:25,579 --> 00:24:28,110
We've all become hermits in
the past few years, right?

428
00:24:28,569 --> 00:24:29,360
Oh yeah, yeah.

429
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:36,200
The 2020s have not been kind
for human interaction, for sure.

430
00:24:36,550 --> 00:24:36,810
Yeah.

431
00:24:38,084 --> 00:24:42,614
Have you experienced more that
people are more likely to put a

432
00:24:42,975 --> 00:24:44,915
fake picture up more often than not?

433
00:24:45,685 --> 00:24:47,625
Or is it kind of balanced?

434
00:24:48,085 --> 00:24:49,215
I'm curious about that.

435
00:24:49,804 --> 00:24:55,194
Um, I would say it's probably about 50 50.

436
00:24:55,375 --> 00:25:00,654
Um, I don't recommend ever using
pictures more than six months old and

437
00:25:01,394 --> 00:25:03,434
absolutely not more than a year old.

438
00:25:03,804 --> 00:25:08,284
Um, when I was on the dating profiles,
my pictures were all very current.

439
00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:14,209
And I'm not totally photogenic,
like, a good picture of me

440
00:25:14,219 --> 00:25:15,540
is somewhat hard to come by.

441
00:25:15,810 --> 00:25:19,169
But I rifled through my pictures
and found the ones that looked

442
00:25:19,179 --> 00:25:21,099
best, but were authentic.

443
00:25:21,539 --> 00:25:27,010
And, you know, there's nothing
worse than chatting with somebody

444
00:25:27,010 --> 00:25:30,859
and going to meet them and they
look nothing like their picture.

445
00:25:31,060 --> 00:25:33,440
And you don't want your first
impression to be disappointment.

446
00:25:33,470 --> 00:25:36,379
I mean, that is, that's just
not how you want to start.

447
00:25:37,510 --> 00:25:40,290
Dating situation, relationship,
whatever you want to call it.

448
00:25:40,530 --> 00:25:44,380
So I think that a lot of people
do put fake pictures up there.

449
00:25:44,620 --> 00:25:48,149
The other thing people do
not necessarily fake, but.

450
00:25:48,524 --> 00:25:52,134
You know, that one time you
went to a black tie affair and

451
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:54,394
you look absolutely amazing.

452
00:25:54,695 --> 00:25:58,294
You put that up there, but you really
like hunting and fishing and going on

453
00:25:58,294 --> 00:25:59,844
your four wheeler every weekend, right?

454
00:26:00,715 --> 00:26:03,834
It's not, it may be a great
picture of you, but it's not a

455
00:26:03,834 --> 00:26:05,905
good representation of who you are.

456
00:26:06,304 --> 00:26:08,124
So that you have to keep
that in mind as well.

457
00:26:09,675 --> 00:26:10,525
So complicated.

458
00:26:10,785 --> 00:26:11,225
So complicated.

459
00:26:14,485 --> 00:26:19,484
I know for some people, like, I'm,
I don't love, I, I've had to get

460
00:26:19,485 --> 00:26:24,530
better about like, Pictures of myself
and actually having current pictures

461
00:26:24,530 --> 00:26:30,149
of myself in being a podcaster
and, uh, the stuff I do these days.

462
00:26:31,609 --> 00:26:35,600
And it's like current picture,
current picture, current picture.

463
00:26:36,539 --> 00:26:38,569
It's because your hair
doesn't look right, right?

464
00:26:39,429 --> 00:26:41,540
Uh, it's because I don't look right.

465
00:26:42,970 --> 00:26:48,830
I look at myself and go, I'm not that
old yet, but we're our own worst critics.

466
00:26:49,089 --> 00:26:50,480
We are, we are for sure.

467
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:57,860
Uh, I, I just laugh because I, I ask
people all the time for pictures when

468
00:26:57,860 --> 00:26:59,530
I'm doing a podcast episode of people.

469
00:27:00,475 --> 00:27:04,425
Because I use them for
promotion and stuff, my guests.

470
00:27:04,425 --> 00:27:07,755
And I'll have some guests who actually
have several pictures ready to go.

471
00:27:07,755 --> 00:27:09,334
They're like, Oh yeah, yeah, here you go.

472
00:27:09,875 --> 00:27:10,694
I have other guests.

473
00:27:10,695 --> 00:27:14,674
They, they send me one and
the picture is 15 years old.

474
00:27:14,675 --> 00:27:14,945
I'm like.

475
00:27:15,564 --> 00:27:18,754
That is not what you look like
when we were talking to each other.

476
00:27:19,064 --> 00:27:19,374
Yeah.

477
00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:24,024
Uh, so then of course I have to go
Facebook scalping and go through their

478
00:27:24,064 --> 00:27:26,304
profiles and find pictures and stuff.

479
00:27:26,764 --> 00:27:27,044
Yeah.

480
00:27:27,514 --> 00:27:31,094
It cracks me up because some
people don't want to take a photo.

481
00:27:31,115 --> 00:27:32,494
They're uncomfortable with the camera.

482
00:27:32,784 --> 00:27:36,544
And my wife is a photographer.

483
00:27:36,595 --> 00:27:37,834
She loves to take pictures.

484
00:27:38,195 --> 00:27:41,284
She doesn't want to be on the
other end of the camera, but

485
00:27:41,284 --> 00:27:42,014
she loves to take pictures.

486
00:27:43,544 --> 00:27:44,044
Right.

487
00:27:44,495 --> 00:27:46,794
Well, I'll tell you from experience that.

488
00:27:47,149 --> 00:27:48,159
It's awesome.

489
00:27:48,310 --> 00:27:50,419
But that's, that's a mom thing.

490
00:27:50,570 --> 00:27:53,540
And I look back and I don't have a
lot of pictures of me with the kids.

491
00:27:53,699 --> 00:27:56,729
I have the kids and everybody
else on the planet, but there

492
00:27:56,729 --> 00:27:58,369
are very few pictures of me.

493
00:27:58,459 --> 00:28:01,969
And I wish that I hadn't been so stubborn
about being in front of the camera.

494
00:28:01,969 --> 00:28:04,830
Because I would like to have
me in these pictures too.

495
00:28:05,219 --> 00:28:05,359
Right?

496
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:07,909
A lot of value later.

497
00:28:08,290 --> 00:28:13,850
Now, I'm, I'm curious because you
specialize in working with people

498
00:28:13,890 --> 00:28:15,490
over 40 in the dating world.

499
00:28:17,020 --> 00:28:19,689
What was that big dividing line?

500
00:28:19,750 --> 00:28:20,629
Why 40?

501
00:28:22,360 --> 00:28:26,109
Um, I mean, 40, it could be 45.

502
00:28:26,110 --> 00:28:33,560
It could be 50, but 40 just seems to
be, um, the right age group where people

503
00:28:33,569 --> 00:28:35,739
start, things start to kind of change.

504
00:28:36,150 --> 00:28:40,415
Um, once you're over 40, You
start thinking that you've

505
00:28:40,415 --> 00:28:42,784
got limited time left to go.

506
00:28:42,784 --> 00:28:45,225
I mean, obviously you're going to
live for a long time, but you think

507
00:28:45,225 --> 00:28:49,614
that in terms of a relationship and
romance, that you don't have much time

508
00:28:49,614 --> 00:28:55,584
left, or you're comparing yourself
to your friends and family who are in

509
00:28:55,585 --> 00:29:00,165
relationships and solid, and, you know,
you're the single person on the outside.

510
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:05,220
You're going to family events
and, and parties with friends,

511
00:29:05,220 --> 00:29:06,700
and you're the only single person.

512
00:29:06,980 --> 00:29:09,250
So all of this starts
to weigh on your mind.

513
00:29:09,909 --> 00:29:15,069
Um, a lot of women, once they hit
40, they start to worry that the

514
00:29:15,070 --> 00:29:18,839
men are only looking for a younger
woman, which is absolutely not true.

515
00:29:18,839 --> 00:29:21,009
There are guys who are,
but not all of them.

516
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:26,870
But it's just this aging, and you know,
your skin isn't as firm as it used to

517
00:29:26,870 --> 00:29:31,589
be, and your body's not as tight as it
used to be, and you know, you just, the

518
00:29:31,589 --> 00:29:36,100
whole aging process starts to weigh on
your mind in so many different ways, so.

519
00:29:36,435 --> 00:29:42,575
So there's, um, a lot more of a mental
game going on in your own head when

520
00:29:42,575 --> 00:29:44,615
you're over 40 than when you're younger.

521
00:29:44,665 --> 00:29:47,625
Although, like I said, my 21 year
old daughter, she's got a lot going

522
00:29:47,625 --> 00:29:49,635
on in her head that just baffles me.

523
00:29:50,165 --> 00:29:53,354
But, you know, it's just
different as we get older.

524
00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:58,315
Kristen, can you believe there's
somebody out there for everyone?

525
00:29:59,885 --> 00:30:00,965
I absolutely do.

526
00:30:01,475 --> 00:30:04,985
And, you know, I, I guarantee you
there are people out there who

527
00:30:04,985 --> 00:30:08,425
think I'm crazy when I say this,
but I really do think that because.

528
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:12,880
We second guess ourselves and
we think, okay, well, I'm not as

529
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,440
pretty as that girl over there.

530
00:30:14,450 --> 00:30:21,700
Or, um, you know, I'm not as physically
fit as that person over there.

531
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:26,240
But the truth of the matter is, is that
there's somebody for everybody because

532
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:27,670
everybody likes different people.

533
00:30:27,910 --> 00:30:32,700
I mean, have you ever had the situation
where somebody says, hey, look at this?

534
00:30:34,545 --> 00:30:37,495
And you think, well, she's
okay, but you know, not my cup

535
00:30:37,495 --> 00:30:39,505
of tea and that's everything.

536
00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:43,935
And that may be an incredibly
beautiful, perfect body woman,

537
00:30:44,305 --> 00:30:47,715
but it's not necessarily your
cup of tea for whatever reason.

538
00:30:48,245 --> 00:30:51,635
And it's because of our choices like
that and the differences in us and

539
00:30:51,645 --> 00:30:57,285
human beings that I know there's
however many, 8 billion people,

540
00:30:57,385 --> 00:31:00,085
80, 8 billion people in the world.

541
00:31:00,665 --> 00:31:01,805
There's somebody out there for you.

542
00:31:02,750 --> 00:31:06,380
I mean, no matter who it is, and I
know that all eight billion are not in

543
00:31:06,380 --> 00:31:09,040
your back door, but there really are.

544
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:14,590
It's just a matter of understanding what
you want and what's important to you, the

545
00:31:14,590 --> 00:31:17,900
must haves versus the preferences, right?

546
00:31:18,270 --> 00:31:23,680
And sometimes not having that preconceived
notion of who it is that you want in your

547
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:28,380
life is the big key to unlocking finding
the person who really is right for you.

548
00:31:30,690 --> 00:31:33,080
I think that's incredibly insightful.

549
00:31:34,030 --> 00:31:37,070
The thought of not having a preset.

550
00:31:37,170 --> 00:31:40,770
This is what I think that
keeps a lot of people alone.

551
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:42,719
It definitely does.

552
00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:46,040
And I mean, I'll say I always
had, I'm five foot eight.

553
00:31:46,675 --> 00:31:49,675
So I'm not super tall, but tall enough.

554
00:31:49,675 --> 00:31:53,305
And I am not a slim five foot eight.

555
00:31:53,305 --> 00:31:55,565
I'm a good solid five foot eight.

556
00:31:55,955 --> 00:32:00,315
And I've always been sort of
self conscious about my size.

557
00:32:00,325 --> 00:32:06,165
So I always wanted somebody, you
know, five, 10 or taller and.

558
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,420
When I was dating, I realized that there
were a lot of guys who weren't that

559
00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:16,510
tall and it wasn't until I lowered my
height requirement that I met my partner.

560
00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:22,150
And he's two inches shorter than me
and, you know, it's a situation where

561
00:32:22,210 --> 00:32:28,785
he's five foot six and His help, his
height helps define who he is, right?

562
00:32:29,165 --> 00:32:33,335
You know, if he gets picked on because
he's short or whatever, um, it helps

563
00:32:33,435 --> 00:32:36,505
make him a strong, confident human being.

564
00:32:36,745 --> 00:32:38,535
And I wouldn't trade him for anything.

565
00:32:39,025 --> 00:32:41,445
He's totally different than
I ever would have expected.

566
00:32:41,810 --> 00:32:46,220
But it wasn't until I decided that
the height was not an important factor

567
00:32:46,220 --> 00:32:48,310
in a relationship that I met him.

568
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,460
So, I'm a big proponent for that.

569
00:32:53,110 --> 00:32:53,640
I like it.

570
00:32:53,770 --> 00:32:54,270
I like it.

571
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:58,190
I was listening to a show the other
day and they were interviewing,

572
00:32:58,350 --> 00:33:03,680
uh, several women who worked, like,
the VIP lounges and stuff at Vegas.

573
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:08,050
And they were asking, like, okay,
what are your guidelines for men?

574
00:33:08,330 --> 00:33:11,340
You know, and it was like
height requirements, money

575
00:33:11,340 --> 00:33:12,700
requirements, physique, right?

576
00:33:13,030 --> 00:33:14,600
These, just this list.

577
00:33:15,025 --> 00:33:19,205
And the co hosts and they're like jotting
down numbers that they're talking about.

578
00:33:19,205 --> 00:33:19,615
Right.

579
00:33:20,565 --> 00:33:24,945
And then they tabulated it up
and said, well, your chance of

580
00:33:24,945 --> 00:33:28,565
meeting your ideal man is 0.

581
00:33:28,565 --> 00:33:30,005
000, like all of them were.

582
00:33:31,065 --> 00:33:36,485
Seven decimals are several decimal
points that way through the likelihood

583
00:33:37,375 --> 00:33:41,355
because of these unrealistic
expectations that have been set because

584
00:33:41,395 --> 00:33:43,635
people live behind screens, right?

585
00:33:43,635 --> 00:33:48,675
We show only the very best moments
on social media and not necessarily

586
00:33:48,775 --> 00:33:51,325
the truest moments on social media.

587
00:33:51,835 --> 00:33:52,815
Oh, absolutely.

588
00:33:53,685 --> 00:33:58,625
And so we built this unrealistic
idea of real human beings.

589
00:34:00,325 --> 00:34:00,565
Yep.

590
00:34:00,615 --> 00:34:01,395
And it's true.

591
00:34:01,415 --> 00:34:02,425
I mean, you really.

592
00:34:02,855 --> 00:34:05,925
You don't know what you want.

593
00:34:06,165 --> 00:34:08,065
I think I mean, you can have an idea.

594
00:34:08,245 --> 00:34:12,355
There's certain things that are
are, um, non negotiable, right?

595
00:34:12,355 --> 00:34:16,135
Like honesty or a sense of
humor or wanting to travel.

596
00:34:16,135 --> 00:34:20,605
Those things are non negotiable,
but physical appearance and.

597
00:34:20,925 --> 00:34:27,005
You know, financial situation, that
stuff really isn't that important, right?

598
00:34:27,375 --> 00:34:29,825
My ex husband always wanted
to have a motorcycle and I

599
00:34:29,825 --> 00:34:31,535
always said, absolutely not.

600
00:34:31,535 --> 00:34:33,115
You will never have a motorcycle.

601
00:34:33,115 --> 00:34:34,175
You will kill yourself.

602
00:34:34,175 --> 00:34:35,575
They're not safe, blah, blah, blah.

603
00:34:35,865 --> 00:34:37,295
Guess who rides a motorcycle now?

604
00:34:39,025 --> 00:34:44,065
And, you know, because I changed my
thought because I, I met somebody

605
00:34:44,065 --> 00:34:47,765
who was really safe on motorcycles
and he made me feel safe, but

606
00:34:47,765 --> 00:34:49,405
you just you just don't know.

607
00:34:49,475 --> 00:34:54,945
And when you kitchen whole people, and you
decide in advance what it is that you have

608
00:34:54,945 --> 00:34:59,205
to have, then you're really missing out on
some incredibly amazing people out there.

609
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:05,260
Guys, we've been discussing changing
your mindset about dating a little

610
00:35:05,260 --> 00:35:08,820
bit with Krista and the next part
of the show We're gonna hook you up.

611
00:35:09,050 --> 00:35:12,320
We're gonna go through some dating tips
and advice with Krista You got your own

612
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:16,810
coach right here in your corner today
And she's gonna help all of you guys who

613
00:35:16,810 --> 00:35:21,900
are looking and playing in that dating
world right now With some good ideas to

614
00:35:21,900 --> 00:35:26,010
help make your dating life a little more
successful To help you find that person

615
00:35:26,070 --> 00:35:29,235
who actually means something to you We're
gonna roll our response and we'll be

616
00:35:29,235 --> 00:35:31,195
right back with more for Kristen Wilson.

617
00:35:31,875 --> 00:35:34,564
Now, before we go any further,
I wanted to share with you guys.

618
00:35:34,875 --> 00:35:38,795
I don't always tell you how
much I love doing my podcast.

619
00:35:39,375 --> 00:35:42,165
Like I passionately love what I'm doing.

620
00:35:42,665 --> 00:35:46,505
And one of the things that makes my
life better as a podcaster is to work

621
00:35:46,505 --> 00:35:50,865
with a company like grow your show,
grow your show is a one stop podcast.

622
00:35:50,875 --> 00:35:52,195
Do it all now.

623
00:35:52,505 --> 00:35:54,905
I use grow your show for my
marketing, but grow your shows,

624
00:35:54,915 --> 00:35:56,145
literally a one stop shop.

625
00:35:56,155 --> 00:35:58,495
You can record your episode
and just drop it off with them.

626
00:35:58,525 --> 00:35:59,405
And they take it from there.

627
00:35:59,455 --> 00:36:00,355
It's amazing.

628
00:36:01,015 --> 00:36:01,645
If you.

629
00:36:01,850 --> 00:36:04,710
Are interested in picking up
podcasting as a hobby, or maybe

630
00:36:04,710 --> 00:36:07,770
you're looking to expand your business
and use podcasting in that aspect.

631
00:36:08,300 --> 00:36:10,120
Talk to my friends over at Grow Your Show.

632
00:36:10,180 --> 00:36:11,200
Adam will take care of you.

633
00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:12,120
I guarantee it.

634
00:36:12,510 --> 00:36:13,150
I trust him.

635
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:13,960
He's my friend.

636
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:15,210
He's my business.

637
00:36:15,575 --> 00:36:18,825
Colleague, and I wouldn't trust
anybody else with my show.

638
00:36:19,925 --> 00:36:20,365
All right, guys.

639
00:36:20,365 --> 00:36:20,895
Welcome back.

640
00:36:20,905 --> 00:36:23,695
In the last part of the show, we were
discussing changing your mindset about

641
00:36:23,695 --> 00:36:27,435
dating and looking at it from a different
perspective in this part of the show,

642
00:36:28,015 --> 00:36:31,335
Chris is going to help us with some
dating tips and advice to help you guys

643
00:36:31,335 --> 00:36:35,105
who are in this part of your life where
you're still dating or starting to

644
00:36:35,115 --> 00:36:36,955
date again, whatever your case may be.

645
00:36:37,625 --> 00:36:39,615
Krista can help you out
a lot more than I can.

646
00:36:39,615 --> 00:36:43,955
So we're going to pick her brain
today to help you as you navigate the

647
00:36:43,955 --> 00:36:47,175
difficulties of dating in 2023 and beyond.

648
00:36:49,025 --> 00:36:52,235
I called the perils and pitfalls
of dating navigating the

649
00:36:52,315 --> 00:36:53,965
perils and pitfalls of dating.

650
00:36:53,965 --> 00:36:54,265
Right?

651
00:36:55,455 --> 00:37:01,155
I should say 2024 is it's almost, I was
gonna say we're, we're almost there.

652
00:37:01,165 --> 00:37:06,225
It's amazing how fast years ago as you,
uh, Get a little further along in life.

653
00:37:06,705 --> 00:37:09,405
I used to think time was like,
I was like, Oh my goodness.

654
00:37:09,735 --> 00:37:10,425
Holy mackerel.

655
00:37:10,425 --> 00:37:12,165
It's been a year now.

656
00:37:12,165 --> 00:37:13,815
I was like, wait, we're
already there again.

657
00:37:14,365 --> 00:37:14,665
Yeah.

658
00:37:15,765 --> 00:37:17,955
I still got a lot of 2023 left in my head.

659
00:37:18,425 --> 00:37:18,715
Right?

660
00:37:18,785 --> 00:37:19,315
No.

661
00:37:21,375 --> 00:37:28,865
So we mentioned anxiety earlier in the
conversation about being on a date.

662
00:37:28,915 --> 00:37:31,245
So let's start there just
because we've touched it.

663
00:37:31,845 --> 00:37:36,225
How do you advise people
to help deal with?

664
00:37:36,585 --> 00:37:40,215
Anxiety when it comes to
taking that step, right?

665
00:37:40,225 --> 00:37:45,205
Just either saying yes or setting up the
date or starting that conversation even.

666
00:37:46,385 --> 00:37:53,905
Well, I think a great way to reduce
anxiety is to reduce expectations, right?

667
00:37:54,225 --> 00:38:00,115
So go into, um, don't go into
a date thinking, okay, this

668
00:38:00,115 --> 00:38:01,725
could be the love of my life.

669
00:38:02,105 --> 00:38:03,645
That I'm going to spend
the rest of my life with.

670
00:38:03,835 --> 00:38:07,605
Go into the date saying,
I'm making a connection.

671
00:38:07,825 --> 00:38:11,565
You know, this is somebody that
I'm meeting that I will have an

672
00:38:11,565 --> 00:38:13,065
interesting conversation with.

673
00:38:13,205 --> 00:38:15,735
And maybe it'll go
somewhere, maybe it won't.

674
00:38:16,955 --> 00:38:19,095
Reducing, lowering the expectations.

675
00:38:19,115 --> 00:38:23,635
And I don't mean to say, go into a date
Saying, well, this person's going to be a

676
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:25,485
troll and we're never going to work out.

677
00:38:25,585 --> 00:38:30,685
I just mean, don't go in with
your eyes open thinking, Oh,

678
00:38:30,685 --> 00:38:31,945
this is going to be amazing.

679
00:38:31,955 --> 00:38:32,235
Right?

680
00:38:32,525 --> 00:38:36,505
So if you just go in with the idea
that it's a connection, then you're

681
00:38:36,505 --> 00:38:42,275
going to be far better off when the
connection is, you know, a higher quality

682
00:38:42,275 --> 00:38:46,215
or a lower quality, you're not going
to be so crushed when that happens.

683
00:38:48,765 --> 00:38:53,805
Now, obviously apps, app based
dating is, is kind of where

684
00:38:53,805 --> 00:38:55,355
everybody's at these days.

685
00:38:56,020 --> 00:38:59,480
Uh, it's become, become
the place to meet people.

686
00:39:00,110 --> 00:39:02,530
I know some people still trying
to meet people, whether at

687
00:39:02,530 --> 00:39:04,200
church or at the gym or whatever.

688
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:04,860
And that's great.

689
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:07,070
Please meet people where
you can meet people.

690
00:39:07,650 --> 00:39:08,290
Absolutely.

691
00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:11,260
But you know, dating apps
are not going anywhere.

692
00:39:11,420 --> 00:39:13,500
They're they're kind of
part of the new normal.

693
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:19,910
And so how do you set up your
profile to make the right impression?

694
00:39:22,470 --> 00:39:24,210
Profiles are great.

695
00:39:24,220 --> 00:39:28,050
They're like a landing for you,
your sales page, so to speak, right?

696
00:39:28,425 --> 00:39:35,625
And the, the big thing about apps is
like, I keep coming back to this is

697
00:39:35,625 --> 00:39:41,495
honesty, having genuine pictures and,
um, like when you set up your dating

698
00:39:41,495 --> 00:39:46,775
profile, you should have a minimum of
three pictures and there should be.

699
00:39:47,085 --> 00:39:49,195
One picture, full body picture.

700
00:39:49,245 --> 00:39:52,395
I know people will rebel against
that and say, no, that's not right.

701
00:39:52,635 --> 00:39:53,425
But you know what?

702
00:39:53,655 --> 00:40:00,395
It's not just because, um, people are
looking for a slimmer person, maybe

703
00:40:00,395 --> 00:40:03,375
somebody really likes curves, and
they're not going to be interested

704
00:40:03,375 --> 00:40:04,855
in somebody who has a runner's body.

705
00:40:04,855 --> 00:40:05,155
Right?

706
00:40:05,475 --> 00:40:11,295
And people want a full body picture
because they can decide if that is the

707
00:40:11,305 --> 00:40:12,815
type of person they're interested in.

708
00:40:12,815 --> 00:40:14,515
You can't make somebody
interested in somebody.

709
00:40:14,515 --> 00:40:15,075
They're not.

710
00:40:15,495 --> 00:40:15,885
Right.

711
00:40:16,455 --> 00:40:18,895
So a full body person
picture is important.

712
00:40:19,595 --> 00:40:23,075
Don't put pictures in with somebody
else because you've got a group of

713
00:40:23,085 --> 00:40:27,165
guys there and you don't want somebody
looking at it going, Hey, that guy's

714
00:40:27,175 --> 00:40:31,765
cute, but that's not the guy who's in the
who's dating profile you're looking at.

715
00:40:31,765 --> 00:40:32,035
Right.

716
00:40:32,645 --> 00:40:34,125
You don't want to do stuff like that.

717
00:40:34,745 --> 00:40:37,835
Um, don't do don't put pictures.

718
00:40:37,835 --> 00:40:40,005
I said earlier, um, that are not.

719
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,990
realistic in terms of who you
are and what you like to do.

720
00:40:44,010 --> 00:40:47,350
So if you've got a picture of you
hiking one time in your life, but

721
00:40:47,350 --> 00:40:52,080
you really like to Netflix and chill,
then don't put a picture of you hiking

722
00:40:52,090 --> 00:40:56,360
because when you attract a person who
is into hiking and outdoors and all

723
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,010
that stuff, you're not going to have
anything in common with that person.

724
00:40:59,570 --> 00:41:03,880
Um, the other thing is that I think
is really great is if you can make.

725
00:41:04,215 --> 00:41:06,475
You can put pictures in
that are interesting and a

726
00:41:06,475 --> 00:41:08,485
conversation starter, right?

727
00:41:08,485 --> 00:41:11,945
So if you put a picture of you hanging
off the Eiffel Tower with a newspaper

728
00:41:11,945 --> 00:41:16,385
in your hand, then somebody can say,
Hey, Brent, it's nice to meet you.

729
00:41:16,385 --> 00:41:18,345
What's up with the newspaper, right?

730
00:41:18,425 --> 00:41:19,325
Or whatever.

731
00:41:19,585 --> 00:41:23,495
If you have interesting pictures,
then it's a conversation starter and

732
00:41:23,495 --> 00:41:29,715
your, your profile should be all about
conversation and starting conversation.

733
00:41:29,995 --> 00:41:34,390
And again, When you're doing
your bio, your write up, you

734
00:41:34,390 --> 00:41:35,800
don't want it to be a resume.

735
00:41:35,940 --> 00:41:39,010
You don't need to tell people how
intelligent you are because you went

736
00:41:39,020 --> 00:41:42,880
to Harvard or Yale or Princeton or
whatever, because they're gonna figure

737
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,630
that out when they start talking to you.

738
00:41:44,900 --> 00:41:47,680
And you don't need to tell
every tidbit of your life.

739
00:41:48,145 --> 00:41:52,275
You can make it more interesting with a
paragraph that says something like, um,

740
00:41:53,205 --> 00:41:59,765
Hey, um, I have been on a lot of dates,
but I'm really looking for my last first

741
00:41:59,765 --> 00:42:02,985
date, which means you're looking for
a relationship, not a hookup, right?

742
00:42:02,985 --> 00:42:07,355
So you found a nice way to say that
without being sort of overt about it.

743
00:42:07,805 --> 00:42:13,905
Um, we can sit back and watch
a movie or go for a walk.

744
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:17,890
But let's talk about how we're
going to have breakfast under the

745
00:42:17,890 --> 00:42:23,360
Eiffel Tower, um, on, you know,
after an amazing night on the town.

746
00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:27,260
So then that tells somebody that you like
to travel and that you like adventure,

747
00:42:27,260 --> 00:42:29,390
but you're up for the quiet times as well.

748
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,800
So it's really about finding ways.

749
00:42:33,090 --> 00:42:37,830
to say something interesting and work
on it, you know, spend some time on your

750
00:42:37,830 --> 00:42:42,400
profile, but say something interesting
that will spark conversation and

751
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,060
that won't tell everything about you.

752
00:42:44,060 --> 00:42:46,680
There should be some mystery
because somebody should

753
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,584
read your profile and think.

754
00:42:49,005 --> 00:42:50,425
I want to know more about this person.

755
00:42:52,915 --> 00:42:57,615
So it's like a resume, you know, you don't
want to give them everything you want

756
00:42:57,615 --> 00:42:58,975
to give them, but they won't call you.

757
00:42:59,575 --> 00:43:00,365
Exactly.

758
00:43:01,895 --> 00:43:02,245
Okay.

759
00:43:02,665 --> 00:43:03,015
See that.

760
00:43:03,015 --> 00:43:06,995
I understand at least that
makes a little more sense to me.

761
00:43:07,895 --> 00:43:11,915
Um, and you said you
are very adamant about.

762
00:43:12,450 --> 00:43:19,030
Only chatting with someone for a short
time before you actually set something up.

763
00:43:19,860 --> 00:43:22,560
Yeah, you set something up with somebody.

764
00:43:22,630 --> 00:43:25,830
So you set yourself up
for success in that event.

765
00:43:26,940 --> 00:43:30,800
Well, you want, you don't
want to pay pen pal, right?

766
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:37,210
So, um, there's, there's a whole
masculine feminine energy thing

767
00:43:37,220 --> 00:43:38,960
that happens between men and women.

768
00:43:39,510 --> 00:43:45,690
And I'm a firm believer that when
a woman is looking for a man or a

769
00:43:45,690 --> 00:43:50,860
man is looking for a woman, woman,
we are best served if when we're in

770
00:43:50,900 --> 00:43:54,270
our, um, in our own energy, right?

771
00:43:54,320 --> 00:44:00,895
So, um, Women should be leaning back
in a more receiving energy and men

772
00:44:00,895 --> 00:44:03,125
should be in more of a giving energy.

773
00:44:03,145 --> 00:44:08,715
So women, um, they can say something like,
you know, it's, it's really nice talking

774
00:44:08,715 --> 00:44:10,795
to you, but I'd prefer to do it in person.

775
00:44:11,055 --> 00:44:16,445
But by the same standards, the
man has to be willing to say,

776
00:44:16,855 --> 00:44:18,405
I've enjoyed talking to you.

777
00:44:18,435 --> 00:44:20,305
Can we please get together for coffee?

778
00:44:20,315 --> 00:44:21,905
Because I'd like to meet you in person.

779
00:44:22,365 --> 00:44:27,880
And I think that when I say that they
should meet after a week, And preferably a

780
00:44:27,880 --> 00:44:31,580
week, because that's all you need to know
is if somebody's going to be interesting,

781
00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:35,580
you want to meet just for a coffee date,
20 minutes, half an hour, something that's

782
00:44:35,580 --> 00:44:40,290
a short time frame that you can get out of
easily, in a public spot, so you're safe,

783
00:44:41,070 --> 00:44:46,020
and that is your initial meeting to decide
if there's any chemistry and you want to

784
00:44:46,020 --> 00:44:51,430
go through with the first date, so make
that first meeting just a short coffee

785
00:44:51,490 --> 00:44:55,590
meeting, and then the pressure's off,
because it's not a date, there's not a lot

786
00:44:55,590 --> 00:44:59,220
of money being spent, and You don't have
to spend a lot of time with this person.

787
00:44:59,550 --> 00:45:03,680
It's Hey, let's get together and
see if maybe we want to have it.

788
00:45:05,080 --> 00:45:05,550
Okay.

789
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:06,950
Yeah.

790
00:45:06,980 --> 00:45:07,900
I like that idea.

791
00:45:08,020 --> 00:45:11,040
I think that there's a lot of
pressure when you start to go,

792
00:45:11,980 --> 00:45:14,380
well, how do I, let's plan this out.

793
00:45:14,380 --> 00:45:18,160
We, we talked a little bit, but you
know, I still don't really know you.

794
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,030
So how do we, how do I plan this?

795
00:45:20,100 --> 00:45:21,270
Is she going to like this?

796
00:45:21,420 --> 00:45:21,740
Right.

797
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,600
Uh, I think it gets to know you.

798
00:45:25,820 --> 00:45:27,820
Coffee sounds a lot less threatening.

799
00:45:28,325 --> 00:45:29,505
Yeah, and that's what it is.

800
00:45:29,505 --> 00:45:34,605
It's meant to be easy and safe and
just to see if there's a connection

801
00:45:34,945 --> 00:45:40,635
and I mean, I, I say this and I want
to have a little caveat here to see

802
00:45:40,635 --> 00:45:44,095
if there's a connection, you're not
going to fall in love with somebody.

803
00:45:44,205 --> 00:45:44,885
Probably not.

804
00:45:44,885 --> 00:45:47,815
And probably shouldn't fall
in some in love with somebody

805
00:45:47,815 --> 00:45:49,005
the first time you meet them.

806
00:45:49,345 --> 00:45:57,700
But if you meet somebody and they seem
interesting and, um, You know, you could

807
00:45:57,700 --> 00:45:59,610
see yourself spending some time with them.

808
00:45:59,820 --> 00:46:03,640
It doesn't have to be like a heavy
duty sexual attraction right from

809
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:08,270
the beginning, because you can know
somebody for, you know, a month or a

810
00:46:08,270 --> 00:46:11,300
year as friends and then things change.

811
00:46:11,300 --> 00:46:11,630
Right.

812
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:16,640
So I also recommend that
people give others a chance.

813
00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,000
Don't look for that.

814
00:46:18,385 --> 00:46:22,455
Insane chemistry on your coffee date
and say, Ooh, we are going out on a

815
00:46:22,455 --> 00:46:23,685
date and it's going to be electric.

816
00:46:23,955 --> 00:46:26,365
If you meet somebody and
have a great conversation.

817
00:46:26,555 --> 00:46:28,515
When I met my partner,
we went to Starbucks.

818
00:46:28,515 --> 00:46:29,995
We talked for two and a half hours.

819
00:46:30,255 --> 00:46:33,035
And I said, okay, I will
have a date with him.

820
00:46:34,055 --> 00:46:38,555
And there was a connection,
but there wasn't like insane

821
00:46:38,585 --> 00:46:40,215
chemistry from the get go.

822
00:46:40,490 --> 00:46:43,100
But it was somebody that I knew
I could spend time with and would

823
00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:44,730
like to get to know a little more.

824
00:46:45,060 --> 00:46:51,340
So I just challenge people to give a
good person a bit of a chance because you

825
00:46:51,340 --> 00:46:55,980
need to know them a little more before a
really good connection happens anyways.

826
00:46:55,980 --> 00:46:59,480
And a lot of people will go into a
date or coffee date thinking there's

827
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,790
got to be fire right from the get
go and that's not necessarily true.

828
00:47:04,610 --> 00:47:06,430
I'll definitely agree with that.

829
00:47:06,430 --> 00:47:08,900
I, I married my best friend.

830
00:47:09,500 --> 00:47:12,620
My wife and I were best friends for years.

831
00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:17,890
And it like, we, we didn't even
leave them in the same state.

832
00:47:17,910 --> 00:47:23,690
Like we met at an event where I was
visiting family and got into some

833
00:47:23,690 --> 00:47:27,380
great conversations and became pen
pals and became, you know, friends

834
00:47:27,380 --> 00:47:30,660
just talking and chatting and talk
to her over the next couple of years

835
00:47:30,660 --> 00:47:33,140
and only saw each other a couple of
times over the next couple of years.

836
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:39,720
And, uh, one night I was visiting
in the area and her and I ended up

837
00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:41,970
talking for like three or four hours.

838
00:47:42,420 --> 00:47:44,860
We, we had this amazing conversation.

839
00:47:45,390 --> 00:47:50,190
And I came away from that going, if
I don't marry this woman, I'm stupid.

840
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:52,160
I love it.

841
00:47:52,590 --> 00:47:54,610
We had, we didn't date
or anything like that.

842
00:47:54,950 --> 00:47:59,360
It just, I had this epiphany and
it's like, and she was not the

843
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:00,840
normal kind of girl I had dated.

844
00:48:01,380 --> 00:48:07,130
It was, we had just been friends and
we'd been good friends, but definitely

845
00:48:07,130 --> 00:48:10,490
not my normal type of girlfriend
that I dated or anything like that.

846
00:48:10,490 --> 00:48:14,410
But I came away from this great
conversation after years of us

847
00:48:14,410 --> 00:48:16,730
just talking and being friends.

848
00:48:16,795 --> 00:48:20,385
You would be stupid not to marry her.

849
00:48:21,335 --> 00:48:22,325
What's wrong with me?

850
00:48:22,845 --> 00:48:28,155
You know, my brain finally caught up
and went, Hey, you should have been

851
00:48:28,205 --> 00:48:29,915
a little more aware of this sooner.

852
00:48:29,915 --> 00:48:34,285
I think that everything happens on a time.

853
00:48:36,835 --> 00:48:37,145
Yep.

854
00:48:37,235 --> 00:48:38,995
Everything happens when it's supposed to.

855
00:48:38,995 --> 00:48:39,315
Right.

856
00:48:39,325 --> 00:48:45,960
And I think that, um, I think that
your, your story is exactly what I want

857
00:48:45,970 --> 00:48:51,950
people to understand is, you know, the
slow burn, getting to know somebody and

858
00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:56,870
things changing and somebody not being
your normal type, but turning out to be,

859
00:48:56,870 --> 00:49:01,040
you know, your, your perfect partner,
all of these things are so important.

860
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,110
It sounds like you've got
an amazing love story.

861
00:49:04,410 --> 00:49:06,210
I'm, I'm, I'm truly blessed.

862
00:49:06,380 --> 00:49:10,650
Uh, but yeah, that's, that's one
of the things I've tried to tell so

863
00:49:10,650 --> 00:49:14,450
many of my friends over the years,
so who are still in the dating world,

864
00:49:14,450 --> 00:49:21,050
it's like, this is the type of girl
you always pursue so far that hasn't

865
00:49:21,050 --> 00:49:23,100
been exactly was working for you.

866
00:49:23,110 --> 00:49:28,710
So maybe you consider that there
might be another path there, right?

867
00:49:28,710 --> 00:49:33,550
You might, might broaden your horizon
on this cause it, it surprises you.

868
00:49:34,060 --> 00:49:36,580
I wasn't looking for a
romantic relationship.

869
00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:47,720
So I think it's very insightful to go,
Hey, let's, let's start here and let's

870
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:53,000
talk and respond to this conversation.

871
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:53,960
I love that advice.

872
00:49:53,980 --> 00:49:58,200
Respond to the, if you had a great
conversation with somebody, that's cool.

873
00:49:58,460 --> 00:50:00,870
You know, you don't have to
have like these crazy sparks.

874
00:50:00,870 --> 00:50:03,110
We have all, all I have
is hate Disney for this.

875
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:03,900
I really do.

876
00:50:04,890 --> 00:50:05,280
Right.

877
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:07,260
Every Disney movie ever.

878
00:50:07,330 --> 00:50:08,600
Oh my goodness.

879
00:50:08,930 --> 00:50:09,730
It's the one.

880
00:50:09,730 --> 00:50:09,790
Yeah.

881
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,410
I have more pet peeves about
Disney these days than I used to.

882
00:50:13,730 --> 00:50:18,440
There's one pet peeve I had about Disney
growing up, is all of these princesses

883
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,640
like, meet this guy, like, Oh my goodness!

884
00:50:22,330 --> 00:50:24,710
Starship love instantly.

885
00:50:25,630 --> 00:50:26,170
I loved it.

886
00:50:26,180 --> 00:50:31,950
Finally when Frozen was like, You
can't love somebody you just met.

887
00:50:32,140 --> 00:50:35,540
And a good big sister.

888
00:50:35,550 --> 00:50:36,170
Yes.

889
00:50:37,160 --> 00:50:37,480
Yeah.

890
00:50:37,650 --> 00:50:40,580
But that's, people have
this unrealistic idea of.

891
00:50:41,220 --> 00:50:46,340
Instant fireworks
exploding the heavens part.

892
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:48,400
And you're like, Oh, this is the one.

893
00:50:49,100 --> 00:50:50,660
Our connection is so perfect.

894
00:50:52,520 --> 00:50:53,580
Yeah, it's true.

895
00:50:53,610 --> 00:50:56,100
It's it's people want that
right from the get go.

896
00:50:56,100 --> 00:50:58,250
And they set themselves
up for disappointment.

897
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,940
And I also liked what you said
about going out with the same type

898
00:51:01,940 --> 00:51:03,280
of people over and over again.

899
00:51:03,500 --> 00:51:05,400
That's the definition of lunacy, right?

900
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,600
Doing the same thing over and over
again and expecting a different result.

901
00:51:09,420 --> 00:51:13,140
And you can't, if you gravitate
towards the same person, same type

902
00:51:13,140 --> 00:51:14,410
of people, and it doesn't work.

903
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:18,450
You need to change up what you're,
what you're looking for in somebody.

904
00:51:23,580 --> 00:51:24,120
What?

905
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:27,480
I don't want to ask this.

906
00:51:29,730 --> 00:51:30,280
We'll get there.

907
00:51:30,690 --> 00:51:31,000
Okay.

908
00:51:32,060 --> 00:51:32,930
I'm going to get out of my notes.

909
00:51:32,930 --> 00:51:34,020
This is why I keep notes.

910
00:51:34,030 --> 00:51:38,020
Cause if I just get away from my
notes, I can go all over the place.

911
00:51:38,020 --> 00:51:41,440
And it's getting a bad Chris up.

912
00:51:43,100 --> 00:51:46,920
What are three steps guys
should take right now?

913
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:51,370
If they, if they want to improve
their dating situation, what are

914
00:51:51,380 --> 00:51:53,550
three steps men can take right now?

915
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:58,230
From this conversation to start
putting themselves in a better

916
00:51:58,230 --> 00:52:00,180
position to date more successfully.

917
00:52:01,780 --> 00:52:05,450
Um, well, the first step
would be refine your profile.

918
00:52:05,510 --> 00:52:07,590
Make sure your profile is.

919
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,840
Interesting and reflects the true you.

920
00:52:11,460 --> 00:52:17,960
Um, second of all, sit down and really
think about what it is that you want

921
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:24,620
in a partner and review your list
and, and look at things in terms of

922
00:52:24,630 --> 00:52:26,900
deal breaker versus preference, right?

923
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:33,275
Um, You want a woman who is,
you know, whatever, who's

924
00:52:33,275 --> 00:52:34,965
got a, the perfect gym body.

925
00:52:34,995 --> 00:52:37,105
Is that a preference or
is that a deal breaker?

926
00:52:37,535 --> 00:52:41,055
And I can't say what's a
deal breaker for somebody.

927
00:52:41,965 --> 00:52:43,815
Only they can figure that out themselves.

928
00:52:44,155 --> 00:52:50,855
But the things that are a preference,
let those go and stick with the things

929
00:52:50,875 --> 00:52:55,765
that are deal breakers for you so
that you're expanding the number of

930
00:52:55,765 --> 00:52:59,165
people that you get exposure to and
the people you come in contact with.

931
00:52:59,635 --> 00:53:00,205
And.

932
00:53:01,985 --> 00:53:06,945
The third thing I would say is
just believe in yourself because

933
00:53:07,045 --> 00:53:10,525
we have all made it to this
point in our lives and we've

934
00:53:10,525 --> 00:53:12,995
accomplished many, many, many things.

935
00:53:12,995 --> 00:53:16,875
No matter who we are, no matter what we
do, we've accomplished things, right?

936
00:53:16,875 --> 00:53:20,335
We're consenting adults who
have done a lot in our lives.

937
00:53:20,615 --> 00:53:25,155
Embrace who you are and the things
that you've achieved and understand

938
00:53:25,155 --> 00:53:28,255
that somebody is going to love
you for all of those things.

939
00:53:28,565 --> 00:53:30,985
And so learn to love
yourself a little bit more.

940
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:35,190
Because you will attract
what you put out, right?

941
00:53:35,220 --> 00:53:40,200
So if you're sort of nervous and
insecure, and you don't feel good

942
00:53:40,200 --> 00:53:44,190
about yourself, then you're going
to attract somebody like that.

943
00:53:44,250 --> 00:53:49,020
So the better you feel about yourself,
the more you work on yourself inside

944
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:53,600
and come out with a positive, confident
person, you're going to draw people

945
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:54,880
like that back into your life.

946
00:53:57,340 --> 00:53:59,500
What is next for Krista Mellison?

947
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:03,030
Um, next?

948
00:54:03,790 --> 00:54:09,580
Well I'm just going to keep going and
doing what I'm doing, um, eventually I

949
00:54:09,590 --> 00:54:17,520
would like to move and be a digital nomad,
but in terms of, um, work, I, I want to

950
00:54:17,530 --> 00:54:21,880
help as many people as I can, because I
do have this crazy belief in happiness.

951
00:54:22,310 --> 00:54:27,540
And I will just keep doing
that and enjoying an amazing

952
00:54:27,540 --> 00:54:29,350
relationship that I have.

953
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:34,000
Keep looking forward and staying positive.

954
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,340
Where's the best place for
people to connect with you?

955
00:54:39,610 --> 00:54:41,740
My Facebook profile is my best place.

956
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:45,770
Um, it's just my name, Krista
Malanson, M E L A N S O N.

957
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:49,300
And I always send people
there because you know what?

958
00:54:49,300 --> 00:54:50,700
You can see who I am.

959
00:54:50,710 --> 00:54:53,330
You can see my relationship
and my kids and my life.

960
00:54:53,350 --> 00:54:57,950
And, and you learned a lot about me
just by looking at my profile and that.

961
00:54:58,190 --> 00:55:00,810
Can give you an idea of who I am.

962
00:55:00,810 --> 00:55:03,970
And if you're interested in working
with me, and of course, from there,

963
00:55:03,970 --> 00:55:06,420
you can DM me or comment or whatever.

964
00:55:07,620 --> 00:55:12,540
And of course, we'll have all of
Krista's conflicting contact, contact

965
00:55:12,570 --> 00:55:15,510
information in the show notes and
description guys, to make sure that you

966
00:55:15,510 --> 00:55:17,730
can find her and follow up with her.

967
00:55:18,390 --> 00:55:22,560
Now, I know everybody is
anxiously waiting to find out what

968
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:25,330
country is the band ACDC from.

969
00:55:25,900 --> 00:55:27,880
You answered Australia
and you are correct.

970
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:29,090
They are Australian.

971
00:55:30,530 --> 00:55:35,120
Uh, I got to admit I'm a little bummed
because when I like save this question,

972
00:55:35,530 --> 00:55:43,280
the way I read it was what country
is ACD banned in from performing?

973
00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:45,640
It's the way I read it in my head.

974
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:50,810
When I put it down, when I asked
earlier, I was like, That is not

975
00:55:50,810 --> 00:55:54,419
the way I read that when I actually
put that question in there.

976
00:55:55,400 --> 00:55:57,200
So guys, if you guessed
Australia, you were right.

977
00:55:57,370 --> 00:56:01,690
Uh, I know I got some metalheads out
there who are truly devoted music

978
00:56:01,700 --> 00:56:03,230
people who understood this one already.

979
00:56:03,230 --> 00:56:05,650
But if you didn't, they're from Australia.

980
00:56:06,950 --> 00:56:14,000
Krista, if whoever listening here is
nothing else today, what is the most

981
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:15,240
important thing you want them to hear?

982
00:56:17,390 --> 00:56:22,230
Believe in yourself and the
ability to find love in your life.

983
00:56:23,165 --> 00:56:23,905
You're worthy.

984
00:56:23,925 --> 00:56:24,625
You deserve it.

985
00:56:24,655 --> 00:56:26,025
And there's somebody out there for you.

986
00:56:26,845 --> 00:56:27,605
Don't ever give up.

987
00:56:29,495 --> 00:56:31,495
Krista Melanson, check her out.

988
00:56:32,045 --> 00:56:34,465
Krista, thank you for hanging
out with us, taking time to be

989
00:56:34,465 --> 00:56:38,085
on the show today and for helping
my audience in ways that I can't.

990
00:56:38,155 --> 00:56:39,475
I appreciate that greatly.

991
00:56:40,335 --> 00:56:41,105
Thank you so much.

992
00:56:41,105 --> 00:56:42,395
It was amazing talking to you.

993
00:56:43,060 --> 00:56:46,490
As always, be better tomorrow because what
you do today, we'll see on the next one.

994
00:56:48,010 --> 00:56:50,490
This has been the Fallible Man podcast.

995
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:54,400
Your home for everything
man, husband, and father.

996
00:56:55,240 --> 00:56:57,610
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

997
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:01,099
Head over to www.

998
00:57:01,100 --> 00:57:01,590
TheFallibleMan.

999
00:57:02,090 --> 00:57:10,558
com for more content and get
your own Fallible Man gear.