Manosphere: Empathy for Stronger Relationships

1 00:00:00,691 --> 00:00:06,031 So years ago I had this coworker who was just falling apart at work one day. 2 00:00:06,091 --> 00:00:10,351 I mean, just blubbering, falling to pieces. 3 00:00:11,491 --> 00:00:18,481 And I was a little beside myself because I didn't understand what was going on. 4 00:00:18,481 --> 00:00:20,581 If something was that horrible, why was he at work? 5 00:00:20,581 --> 00:00:21,001 Right? 6 00:00:21,361 --> 00:00:26,101 Uh, I'm very much of a person of, if I'm at work, I'm at work and if I'm 7 00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:29,971 at home, I'm at home and, and I don't let the two cross over very often. 8 00:00:30,556 --> 00:00:32,386 And he was just falling apart. 9 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,366 And so finally not really wanting to get into it. 10 00:00:37,396 --> 00:00:40,246 'cause I didn't, I just didn't really wanna get into it. 11 00:00:41,025 --> 00:00:45,166 I, I finally asked him, I was like, Hey, are you okay? 12 00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:46,486 What, what's going on? 13 00:00:49,006 --> 00:00:53,866 And to my surprise, he told me his family dog died the night before. 14 00:00:56,326 --> 00:00:59,206 Now you guys might think I was, I'm, I'm kind of heartless. 15 00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:05,776 But I seriously had a W t F moment because my brain instantly registered and went, 16 00:01:07,606 --> 00:01:10,816 really, this is why you're a mess at work. 17 00:01:11,416 --> 00:01:15,856 You're, you're at a professional job in the middle of an office, white collar 18 00:01:15,856 --> 00:01:21,015 business, and you are just making a scene, making everyone uncomfortable, blubbering 19 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:23,956 all over the place about your dog. 20 00:01:26,146 --> 00:01:28,096 Now, you guys may think I'm entirely heartless. 21 00:01:28,666 --> 00:01:29,506 That's up to you. 22 00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:33,886 But it took me a while to learn a lesson that I learned that day, 23 00:01:35,056 --> 00:01:36,646 and I think it's important for you. 24 00:01:37,186 --> 00:01:38,656 And so I wanna share that with you today. 25 00:01:39,646 --> 00:01:44,026 In this episode, I'm gonna explain why empathy is critical for men 26 00:01:44,056 --> 00:01:46,876 to understand, to have the kind of relationships we want to. 27 00:01:47,851 --> 00:01:48,721 So let's get into it. 28 00:01:54,451 --> 00:01:55,771 Here's the million dollar question. 29 00:01:56,311 --> 00:01:58,651 How do men like us reach our full potential? 30 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:03,181 Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, 31 00:02:03,186 --> 00:02:07,891 working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 32 00:02:08,881 --> 00:02:11,941 Well, that's the big question in this podcast. 33 00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:14,055 We'll help you answer those questions and more. 34 00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:17,116 My name is Brent and welcome to the Album MAN podcast. 35 00:02:20,791 --> 00:02:23,611 Welcome to the Falbo Man Podcast, your home for all things, man. 36 00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:25,861 Big shout out to Falbo Nation. 37 00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:28,081 That's our private community, and you're welcome to come 38 00:02:28,086 --> 00:02:29,041 join us and be a part of that. 39 00:02:29,046 --> 00:02:31,531 There will be links in the description below to help you do 40 00:02:31,531 --> 00:02:32,551 that if you're interested in that. 41 00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:35,491 Warm, welcome to our first time listeners. 42 00:02:35,701 --> 00:02:36,931 Hey, thanks for giving us a try. 43 00:02:36,931 --> 00:02:37,741 Checking us out today. 44 00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:38,941 I hope you enjoy the show. 45 00:02:39,241 --> 00:02:40,231 Leave me some feedback. 46 00:02:40,291 --> 00:02:42,271 I'd love to hear your ideas and opinions on it. 47 00:02:42,661 --> 00:02:44,941 My name is Brent and I am the fallible man. 48 00:02:46,576 --> 00:02:49,636 Empathy is a word that tends to make us squirm a little as men. 49 00:02:50,266 --> 00:02:53,596 Maybe it's just me, but I don't actually think I'm alone in this. 50 00:02:54,016 --> 00:02:58,125 I could be wrong, but really I think more of you are are right there with me on 51 00:02:58,131 --> 00:03:00,585 this than maybe even want to admit it. 52 00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:04,426 The first problem is that we frequently get confused between the 53 00:03:04,426 --> 00:03:06,555 idea of sympathy versus empathy. 54 00:03:07,786 --> 00:03:12,976 So sympathy and empathy both refer to a caring response to an 55 00:03:12,976 --> 00:03:14,956 emotional state of someone else. 56 00:03:16,066 --> 00:03:19,366 But a distinction between them is typically made while sympathy 57 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:23,296 is feelings of sincere concern for someone who's experiencing 58 00:03:23,565 --> 00:03:25,125 something difficult or painful. 59 00:03:25,426 --> 00:03:28,636 Empathy involves actually actively sharing in the emotional 60 00:03:28,636 --> 00:03:31,245 experience of the other person. 61 00:03:32,926 --> 00:03:36,256 This is where we, we get uncomfortable because we don't always. 62 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:40,590 Click with the idea of sharing someone else's emotional 63 00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:44,551 experience, and the definition of empathy doesn't help us out much. 64 00:03:44,551 --> 00:03:45,451 In this case. 65 00:03:47,821 --> 00:03:53,041 The definition of empathy according to the dictionary, is the action 66 00:03:53,190 --> 00:03:59,460 of understanding, being aware of being sensitive to, and vicariously 67 00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:02,370 experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another. 68 00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:08,926 So let me take a second here and, uh, unpack this a little bit and, and kick 69 00:04:08,926 --> 00:04:10,906 this one in the teeth just a little bit. 70 00:04:10,911 --> 00:04:11,266 Okay. 71 00:04:11,836 --> 00:04:14,776 Because the second part of that definition is a crappy sentiment. 72 00:04:14,781 --> 00:04:16,516 That's not really accurate. 73 00:04:17,746 --> 00:04:18,796 I know you're going, wait. 74 00:04:18,796 --> 00:04:20,716 You know, Brent thinks he knows better than the dictionary. 75 00:04:20,716 --> 00:04:21,046 Yes. 76 00:04:21,046 --> 00:04:22,066 Yes, I do actually. 77 00:04:23,326 --> 00:04:26,866 In fact, it's this nonsense that makes men uncomfortable with 78 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:32,116 it because it's an emotional concept instead of accurate data. 79 00:04:33,946 --> 00:04:39,856 Look at the last part of that definition, vicariously experiencing the feelings, 80 00:04:39,856 --> 00:04:41,386 thoughts, and experience of another. 81 00:04:45,346 --> 00:04:46,426 That's just dumb. 82 00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:51,256 And I, I, I'm gonna get in trouble for this, so when I get kicked off 83 00:04:51,256 --> 00:04:53,836 the airways, you know, guys know it came down to this statement. 84 00:04:54,256 --> 00:04:55,936 A woman wrote this definition. 85 00:04:58,336 --> 00:05:00,256 Men never would've written this definition. 86 00:05:01,666 --> 00:05:06,796 You cannot experience someone else's feelings, thoughts, 87 00:05:06,886 --> 00:05:08,656 or experiences, vicariously. 88 00:05:11,086 --> 00:05:12,466 You are not them. 89 00:05:13,636 --> 00:05:18,016 You're not built from the same exact background, experience, influences, 90 00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:19,936 or pressures that made them. 91 00:05:20,056 --> 00:05:24,766 It's actually impossible to do more than understand it conceptually. 92 00:05:28,386 --> 00:05:29,296 It is just a fact. 93 00:05:29,296 --> 00:05:33,556 We, we've talked about it many times on this show that you are the sum 94 00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:38,656 of all of your experiences, your influences, the pressures, the trials, 95 00:05:39,316 --> 00:05:42,706 everything you've gone through, all the influences through your life. 96 00:05:43,246 --> 00:05:45,466 That is what actually makes you unique. 97 00:05:47,446 --> 00:05:51,316 It is impossible to vicariously experience someone else's 98 00:05:51,321 --> 00:05:53,656 feelings, thoughts, and emotions. 99 00:05:53,656 --> 00:05:54,736 It doesn't work. 100 00:05:56,070 --> 00:05:57,691 Let me give you a practical example. 101 00:05:57,721 --> 00:05:58,890 I'll back that up. 102 00:05:59,101 --> 00:06:01,441 Let's go back to my coworker that lost the family dog. 103 00:06:02,731 --> 00:06:03,871 Dude was tore up. 104 00:06:03,900 --> 00:06:06,301 I mean, straight up sobbing, falling apart at work. 105 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:12,361 Now I was raised in a household where my mother was raised with 106 00:06:12,361 --> 00:06:15,270 a farming background and I, my first job was on a ranch. 107 00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:17,971 I liked my dog. 108 00:06:18,616 --> 00:06:20,895 Don't get me wrong, you're gonna be like, oh, Brandon's animal. 109 00:06:21,405 --> 00:06:23,085 I like dogs, okay? 110 00:06:23,296 --> 00:06:28,486 In fact, I'm a dog person and dogs like me beyond reason. 111 00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:30,856 I don't know why. 112 00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:32,806 They're just like attracted to me. 113 00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:33,616 We hang out. 114 00:06:34,006 --> 00:06:36,226 I make friends with random dogs all the time. 115 00:06:36,226 --> 00:06:39,316 I've had friends who told me their dog was gonna attack me, that the dog 116 00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:42,705 was cuddled lip in my lap in seconds, because that's where they wanna be. 117 00:06:42,705 --> 00:06:43,635 They wanna hang out with me. 118 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,781 So I'm a dog person to an extreme, and I've had several dogs over my 119 00:06:48,781 --> 00:06:54,541 lifetime, but I have never broken down a loss to over one dying. 120 00:06:54,961 --> 00:06:58,411 This goes back to the fact that my mother had a farm background. 121 00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:04,080 I spent time working on a ranch in high school, and animals are part of life. 122 00:07:04,140 --> 00:07:05,311 They're part of the life cycle. 123 00:07:05,311 --> 00:07:11,520 They come, they go, and yes, I like my dog much better than I like a random cow. 124 00:07:12,946 --> 00:07:14,386 But it's still not a person. 125 00:07:14,506 --> 00:07:17,416 And to me it's not the same experience. 126 00:07:18,616 --> 00:07:23,776 So in, in fact, ridiculously, not only am I a dog person, I'm also the, the 127 00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:28,396 one that people and my friends call to take their dogs to the vet when they 128 00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:33,136 need to be put down after they, if they get sick or age to a certain point 129 00:07:33,616 --> 00:07:35,146 because of the more humane thing to do. 130 00:07:35,146 --> 00:07:38,116 But they, they're too broken up to take their dog 'cause they 131 00:07:38,121 --> 00:07:39,466 just couldn't be there for that. 132 00:07:39,986 --> 00:07:40,275 Okay. 133 00:07:40,816 --> 00:07:42,496 I've held people's hands when they're dying. 134 00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:44,835 I've taken dogs and had 'em put down. 135 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:45,825 I've put dogs down. 136 00:07:46,126 --> 00:07:47,536 Like I said, ranch kid. 137 00:07:48,916 --> 00:07:54,736 It was not possible for me to experience my colleague pain because we're from 138 00:07:54,736 --> 00:08:01,096 two different worlds on this idea, my very favorite dog in my life. 139 00:08:01,096 --> 00:08:04,876 I put it down because it got sick and it was in pain, and 140 00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:05,835 I didn't wanna see it suffer. 141 00:08:05,835 --> 00:08:08,926 It was inhumane to me, so I put it down and I buried my dog. 142 00:08:10,426 --> 00:08:11,776 That's just part of my life. 143 00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:18,706 I could not like fathom the emotional state which he was in. 144 00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:24,556 What I could do was understand that my colleague was deeply upset. 145 00:08:25,486 --> 00:08:27,616 I could not empathize with him. 146 00:08:27,646 --> 00:08:34,066 I could not understand the pain he was in or vicariously experience that with 147 00:08:34,071 --> 00:08:39,016 him because I thought it was stupid like, I didn't, I didn't say anything. 148 00:08:39,016 --> 00:08:42,526 I wasn't mean, but I was like, wow, this is ridiculous and stupid. 149 00:08:42,526 --> 00:08:43,846 Go home if you're gonna be a little bitch. 150 00:08:44,506 --> 00:08:44,956 Right? 151 00:08:47,296 --> 00:08:51,946 All I could do was go, my colleague is deeply upset. 152 00:08:52,906 --> 00:08:55,846 I could be aware that the day was difficult for him. 153 00:08:56,566 --> 00:09:01,576 I could be sensitive to my interactions with him and his current emotional 154 00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:05,206 state, which means I was much less of an a-hole that day to him. 155 00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:08,836 And that's a nice way I, as I can put it, 'cause we didn't always see eye to eye. 156 00:09:10,545 --> 00:09:11,685 That was empathy. 157 00:09:13,305 --> 00:09:16,126 Let's go back to the first part of that definition that actually makes 158 00:09:16,126 --> 00:09:17,866 sense and, and forget the rest. 159 00:09:19,096 --> 00:09:19,545 Okay. 160 00:09:21,195 --> 00:09:26,626 So the first part of the definition is the action of understanding, 161 00:09:26,896 --> 00:09:31,486 being aware of and being sensitive to the feelings, thoughts, and 162 00:09:31,486 --> 00:09:32,805 experiences of another person. 163 00:09:33,211 --> 00:09:36,661 Not vicariously, vicariously and exp experiencing it. 164 00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:38,731 It's the reason that guys struggle with this idea. 165 00:09:38,881 --> 00:09:43,561 You don't have to experience it and, and you're not going to actually, you can make 166 00:09:43,561 --> 00:09:45,781 it all up in your head, but that's stupid. 167 00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:46,351 Don't do it. 168 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:54,361 The empathy that I could express for him was that first part of the definition. 169 00:09:54,931 --> 00:09:55,891 So why are we talking about it? 170 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:57,751 Why, why am I making a big deal about this? 171 00:09:58,111 --> 00:09:59,581 Empathy is critical. 172 00:09:59,925 --> 00:10:04,816 It's an absolutely critical component of healthy relationships, professional, 173 00:10:04,846 --> 00:10:06,675 romantic, plutonic, and parental. 174 00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:09,706 You have to have empathy and you have to exercise empathy. 175 00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:13,846 You have to master it to be successful in all of these types of relationships. 176 00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:17,476 So how do we master this so we can have better relationships? 177 00:10:18,766 --> 00:10:21,076 Well, the good news is empathy is actually a skill. 178 00:10:21,136 --> 00:10:22,606 It's not a foregone conclusion. 179 00:10:23,026 --> 00:10:27,826 It is something that can be learned, grown, fostered, and. 180 00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:31,021 You know, moved along to where you're good at it, actually. 181 00:10:31,981 --> 00:10:37,591 But where do we start by reframing what is required at a more male perspective? 182 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,721 Like I said, that definition had to be written by a woman. 183 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:43,891 Someone was gonna hear this and, and I'm gonna get it both barrels, 184 00:10:43,891 --> 00:10:50,131 but let, let's reframe it at a more male perspective because Right, 185 00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,871 we're data-driven and that's okay. 186 00:10:52,021 --> 00:10:53,851 I'm not saying you don't have emotions and feelings. 187 00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,941 I'm saying you have a data-driven sense of information. 188 00:10:58,111 --> 00:11:04,291 So if you want to be empathetic, here are some data points you need 189 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:10,261 to ask about to reframe the situation so you can be empathetic, right? 190 00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:14,671 Is the person that you're interacting with more emotional or logic driven? 191 00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:18,721 Do you know what their personality type is? 192 00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:21,001 Do you know how they communicate best? 193 00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:24,061 How does they, what's their thinking style? 194 00:11:24,061 --> 00:11:25,861 Like, how do they process things mentally? 195 00:11:25,866 --> 00:11:25,891 I. 196 00:11:26,941 --> 00:11:34,171 From their perspective, not yours, see that this is a 197 00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:36,001 legitimate feeling for them. 198 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,641 Now, you don't have to understand what they're feeling. 199 00:11:42,721 --> 00:11:47,611 And please, please, please, especially in negative emotional situations. 200 00:11:48,781 --> 00:11:52,651 Don't try to liken their experience to one of your experiences. 201 00:11:52,651 --> 00:11:57,931 I think that's where the whole vicariously lived experience crap comes from, right? 202 00:11:58,441 --> 00:12:02,881 If you've ever lost somebody you love, okay, let's take that a step. 203 00:12:02,881 --> 00:12:04,501 Let me explain why I'm saying here. 204 00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:09,391 If you've ever lost somebody you love, someone very close to you, a parent, 205 00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:15,511 a sibling, a, a spouse, a child. 206 00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:20,851 Grandparent, your anyone, like super close to you, a friend even. 207 00:12:20,851 --> 00:12:21,301 Right? 208 00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:26,191 How negatively do you respond? 209 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:31,771 Respond when someone walks up to you and tries to be empathetic and goes, 210 00:12:32,611 --> 00:12:35,551 oh, I know, I know exactly how you feel. 211 00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:41,101 I, when I lost my dad, I never come so close to punching somebody in the face. 212 00:12:42,346 --> 00:12:43,545 That is the last thing. 213 00:12:43,665 --> 00:12:47,236 I actually shielded my friend, a different friend at his dad's funeral 214 00:12:48,136 --> 00:12:51,976 because he was going to punch somebody in the face when they started talking. 215 00:12:51,976 --> 00:12:52,876 That nonsense. 216 00:12:54,856 --> 00:12:59,836 Don't try to liken their pain to your experience. 217 00:13:00,106 --> 00:13:05,295 It belittles their feelings and it has gonna, it's gonna be me 218 00:13:05,356 --> 00:13:07,756 even more negative for them, whether they say anything or not. 219 00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:16,381 You don't even have to speak sometimes to understand that they're experiencing 220 00:13:16,386 --> 00:13:20,161 a feeling and our processing it. 221 00:13:20,821 --> 00:13:23,281 Sometimes words aren't the right option. 222 00:13:24,811 --> 00:13:27,121 Good feelings have this case. 223 00:13:27,421 --> 00:13:28,661 Negative emotions have this case. 224 00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:31,621 Sometimes you just don't need to speak. 225 00:13:31,621 --> 00:13:36,061 Sometimes you just need to let 'em experience that feeling that might be 226 00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:37,531 sitting with 'em for long periods of time. 227 00:13:39,376 --> 00:13:44,866 When my friend's dad died, I jumped on my motorcycle and I went to go see him and 228 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:45,886 he was like, dude, I don't want you here. 229 00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:46,516 I don't want you here. 230 00:13:46,516 --> 00:13:48,406 I don't, I don't wanna be with anybody I know. 231 00:13:51,586 --> 00:13:57,406 And as I sat there quietly, he started yelling and ranting. 232 00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:58,786 He was so angry. 233 00:13:58,786 --> 00:14:01,276 He had so many strong emotions. 234 00:14:03,586 --> 00:14:04,516 Later that night. 235 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:09,060 He's like, dude, I'm, I'm sorry about earlier I yelling at you. 236 00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:09,481 I was like, no. 237 00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:10,111 That's why I came. 238 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:15,570 You needed somebody to yell at you needed somebody that you could 239 00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:18,090 blow up at and decompress this. 240 00:14:19,231 --> 00:14:20,011 That's why I came. 241 00:14:21,540 --> 00:14:22,680 He didn't need me to talk. 242 00:14:23,911 --> 00:14:25,080 He didn't even need me to listen. 243 00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:26,940 He just needed somebody to yell at. 244 00:14:28,021 --> 00:14:31,861 I was being empathetic because I understood my friend was hurting. 245 00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:36,826 And I understood what he needed because I understood his personality type. 246 00:14:37,606 --> 00:14:40,966 I understood his thinking style, his perspective. 247 00:14:41,295 --> 00:14:41,776 Right. 248 00:14:42,165 --> 00:14:43,966 These are the questions you ask. 249 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:47,836 You don't have to, now I'm using a lot of negative experiences, right? 250 00:14:47,866 --> 00:14:52,305 But there are are positive emotions that we experience that you want 251 00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:54,886 to empathize with too, especially with like your kids, right? 252 00:14:55,756 --> 00:14:59,506 But sometimes we don't know how to do that because dad, you're not 253 00:14:59,511 --> 00:15:01,576 necessarily feeling their feelings. 254 00:15:01,966 --> 00:15:03,196 You're feeling a feeling. 255 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,186 I love it. 256 00:15:04,186 --> 00:15:05,146 When my children are happy. 257 00:15:05,146 --> 00:15:09,646 It perks me up, but it doesn't mean I can experience their feeling. 258 00:15:09,646 --> 00:15:14,326 It does mean that I can recognize that they are experiencing a feeling, 259 00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:16,396 they're experiencing a positive. 260 00:15:16,396 --> 00:15:21,976 So I taking the action of understanding, being aware of, and 261 00:15:21,976 --> 00:15:25,696 being sensitive to what's going on with their thoughts and feelings 262 00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:27,376 as they're experiencing with them. 263 00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:30,256 That's still empty. 264 00:15:30,256 --> 00:15:30,736 Gentlemen. 265 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,381 It'll take you a long way in all of your relationships. 266 00:15:35,161 --> 00:15:39,090 You just have to let them experience their feeling, their feelings, be 267 00:15:39,096 --> 00:15:43,710 cognizant of the fact they're dealing with an emotion or a feeling positive, 268 00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:47,251 r ne negative and react with kindness. 269 00:15:49,771 --> 00:15:53,911 Kindness is, is like the coda gra it's, it's the topper on top of it. 270 00:15:53,940 --> 00:15:54,361 Okay? 271 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,450 This is the cherry on top of you eat that crap on your ice cream. 272 00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,950 I don't, my kids like them. 273 00:16:00,331 --> 00:16:01,711 But this is the cherry on top. 274 00:16:02,041 --> 00:16:02,521 Okay. 275 00:16:02,581 --> 00:16:06,061 React with kindness to their feelings. 276 00:16:06,871 --> 00:16:09,151 I let my friend yell at me for over an hour. 277 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:10,681 It's what he needed. 278 00:16:11,311 --> 00:16:15,511 It was a kindness that I could offer him in a moment when he was struggling. 279 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:19,381 This works in positive and negative emotions. 280 00:16:19,411 --> 00:16:20,911 It works with your kids. 281 00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:22,951 It worked with my coworker. 282 00:16:23,851 --> 00:16:25,531 I sat there, I thought it was stupid. 283 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,401 Okay, hear me? 284 00:16:26,701 --> 00:16:31,471 I thought it was absurd and ridiculous and embarrassing that a grown man was reacting 285 00:16:31,471 --> 00:16:35,670 that way because I am not capable of understanding what he was going through. 286 00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:45,481 However, I sat there and I let him talk about his dog, and I offered 287 00:16:45,481 --> 00:16:49,951 him options like, Hey, if you need to go ahead and go home, I, I can. 288 00:16:50,071 --> 00:16:50,881 You don't gotta be here. 289 00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:51,451 I'm here. 290 00:16:51,976 --> 00:16:52,186 Right. 291 00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:53,746 If you need the rest of the day off go. 292 00:16:53,776 --> 00:16:55,936 'cause I could do that, right? 293 00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,516 I could listen to him talk about his dog. 294 00:16:59,716 --> 00:17:03,316 I could be less of an asshole to him that day than I normally was. 295 00:17:06,915 --> 00:17:07,606 Kindness. 296 00:17:08,056 --> 00:17:08,925 I understood. 297 00:17:09,165 --> 00:17:16,126 He had a feeling I could not do more than understand and be cognizant of his 298 00:17:16,126 --> 00:17:21,016 feelings and that he was experiencing that, but, I could do that and I could 299 00:17:21,016 --> 00:17:23,445 react with kindness, which is what I did. 300 00:17:23,445 --> 00:17:25,996 I did not say, wow, aren't you a grown man? 301 00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:26,866 What the hell? 302 00:17:27,496 --> 00:17:27,675 Right? 303 00:17:27,675 --> 00:17:28,636 I could have been that jerk. 304 00:17:30,826 --> 00:17:35,806 This works positive and negative emotions with your kids, with your 305 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:38,596 coworkers, with romantic relationships. 306 00:17:39,016 --> 00:17:41,326 Kindness goes a long way in these situations. 307 00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:46,966 Don't believe that and overcomplicate the idea that you have to experience 308 00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,366 their emotion, feel the feels, man. 309 00:17:50,146 --> 00:17:56,056 You just have to understand they're having an emotion and react with kindness 310 00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:59,116 to that good emotion, bad emotion. 311 00:18:00,286 --> 00:18:01,636 React with kindness. 312 00:18:02,326 --> 00:18:07,336 I promise it will take you a long way in all your relationships and, 313 00:18:07,341 --> 00:18:09,106 and that's what empathy really is. 314 00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:14,881 My coworker noticed a difference in our interaction that day and actually brought 315 00:18:14,881 --> 00:18:16,921 it up later, like a couple weeks later. 316 00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:21,211 He is like, man, I, I guess even you can relate to losing a family pet. 317 00:18:22,231 --> 00:18:23,581 You know, I, I appreciate. 318 00:18:23,791 --> 00:18:26,911 I was like, I told, I, and I, I was honest with him, right? 319 00:18:26,911 --> 00:18:28,261 Because we were past the emotional moment. 320 00:18:28,261 --> 00:18:32,311 I said, you know, in total, honestly, I, I don't understand your reaction. 321 00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:34,351 I, I was raised very differently. 322 00:18:34,351 --> 00:18:41,221 I was raised the animals come and go and, uh, I, I totally thought it was insane 323 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:46,441 that you were reacting that strongly, but I said, you know, I understood you were 324 00:18:46,441 --> 00:18:51,031 having a bad day and, and that was enough that, that's all I had to understand. 325 00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,651 You were having a rough day. 326 00:18:52,651 --> 00:18:56,311 So I tried to be kind in that moment. 327 00:18:56,641 --> 00:18:59,101 We had a better relationship after that. 328 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,601 Like, it, it was crazy. 329 00:19:00,601 --> 00:19:03,391 It, it really kind of changed the course of our relationship. 330 00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:05,731 Don't overcomplicate it guys. 331 00:19:08,041 --> 00:19:10,441 Acknowledge it, recognize it. 332 00:19:10,531 --> 00:19:14,641 Understand that they're gonna do need some things that you may not understand to 333 00:19:14,641 --> 00:19:16,981 process through that feeling and be kind. 334 00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:19,051 And that's the key to empathy. 335 00:19:20,491 --> 00:19:24,811 It's easy data, and then a positive action on your part. 336 00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:25,381 That's all. 337 00:19:26,071 --> 00:19:27,481 Don't make it complicated. 338 00:19:27,481 --> 00:19:28,561 Don't make it stupid. 339 00:19:29,281 --> 00:19:30,781 You can do this, I promise. 340 00:19:30,781 --> 00:19:34,471 You'll be an empathy master if you exercise a few data points. 341 00:19:35,911 --> 00:19:38,251 And a little kindness Guys. 342 00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:42,991 It's Friday, so I wanna share this review with you 'cause we do 343 00:19:42,991 --> 00:19:44,261 that here on the show on Fridays. 344 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,181 Five star review from Love before a hundred. 345 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,441 So good. 346 00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:51,811 I'm so happy this podcast exists. 347 00:19:52,051 --> 00:19:55,321 I love the episode on how to navigate relationships in a digital age. 348 00:19:55,531 --> 00:19:57,661 Super helpful, practical tips. 349 00:19:57,931 --> 00:19:58,561 Thank you. 350 00:19:58,951 --> 00:19:59,731 Love before hundred. 351 00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:01,171 Thank you so much for the review. 352 00:20:01,171 --> 00:20:02,221 Thank you for listening. 353 00:20:02,226 --> 00:20:02,792 You're very welcome. 354 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,870 Uh, I love it when you guys call out specific episodes that 355 00:20:06,870 --> 00:20:08,101 just really clicked for you. 356 00:20:08,551 --> 00:20:10,531 'cause it helps me to know what kind of content I need 357 00:20:10,531 --> 00:20:11,701 to keep making for you guys. 358 00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:15,241 Guys, you've got this. 359 00:20:15,271 --> 00:20:19,801 Empathy is not complicated and it will be a turn point in a lot of your 360 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:23,430 relationships for you if you listen to this and take this advice today. 361 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,201 As always, be better tomorrow because what you do today, 362 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:29,371 We'll see you on the next one. 363 00:20:31,261 --> 00:20:33,661 This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. 364 00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:37,591 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 365 00:20:38,491 --> 00:20:40,801 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 366 00:20:41,701 --> 00:20:48,391 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get your own.