Parenting Myths Exposed: Separating Fact from Fiction

[00:00:00] So you're going to be, or reasonably become a dad. Being honest and you want to be a good dad, you're now seeking information. The problem is there literally been over 75, 000 parenting books written in the last decade alone. And you certainly don't have time to read all those. Well, in this episode of the Fallible Man podcast, 20 of the most common imperative myths.

So at least you got that out of the way. Let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, and living? Being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves. Well, that's the big question in this podcast. We'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.

Dad [00:01:00] is my favorite title I've ever had in my life. I have two kids and I've spent over 20 years of my life working with young people in various capacities. Being a father is a biologically simple. And well, let's face it. It's a biologically simple job. Any male can be a father. However, being a dad is a joyous yet stressful job.

That is amazing, but you're also going to spend the whole rest of your life trying to protect it, perfect it. By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast, your home for all things, man, big shout out to Fallible Nation. That's our long term listenership. And you know what? You don't have to join any club or anything.

Just stick around and enjoy the shows to come and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, thanks for checking us out. We know there's a lot fighting for your attention, so be sure to connect with us at the fallible man on most social media platforms, let us know what you thought of this show or especially active on Instagram.

I'd love to hear what you think. [00:02:00] Now let's, let's get back into it. I told you this is going to be rapid fire guys, because. Let's face it, that could take a while to go through 20, so we're not going to take that long. So let's dive in, give you a head start on your journey to be an amazing dad, which I know you're going to be.

Number one, parents shouldn't fight in front of their kids. Guys, that's a stupid idea. Level up your conflict resolution skills. Fight towards success for you as a couple, not for the individual win, and teach your children how to handle conflict in a relationship in a healthy way. Don't let the media teach them.

That's your job. Number two, being strict, strict makes well behaved kids. Uh, not necessarily true. Being super rigid and strict only make kids that hide their lives from you when they have issues. If your kid is scared of you, or scared for you to find out what they're doing, then you're handling things badly.

Yeah, there's gonna be consequences, but kids aren't scared of consequences. They're scared of angry parenting, so don't do that. Number three, [00:03:00] every bad behavior requires strong consequences. Consequences got to scale with the violation. Okay. Punching their sibling can't have the same consequences as not picking up their laundry off the floor.

So strong is the wrong word. Every bad or inappropriate behavior has to have relative consequences to the behavior. This should be established long before your kid is actually paying for those consequences. They should know it and they should not be afraid of it. They should just know it's going to be there.

Number four, you should react in the moment for discipline. Your children aren't dogs. They don't lose the point if you don't react right away. So acknowledge the issue in the moment. So they know that there's going to be consequences down the road. This was not okay. That was against our family rules. Now adjust based on your emotional response, never discipline out of emotion is going to backfire on you on some horrible unforeseen way [00:04:00] in the future.

If you do number five, saying yes. Means you're a failed parent. It's absolutely false. You don't have to say no to everything. Parenting is a constantly scaling and reevaluating position of your principles and beliefs. Okay. No, clearly why you say yes. And why you say no and have a legit reason for both because I said so, isn't a legitimate reason.

Just let me throw that out there for all of you who grew up with that. Like I did, because I said, so it was not a legitimate reason. Have a legit reason for both yeses and nos, but saying yes, doesn't make you a bad parent. You're just understanding what's worth actually making an issue out of number six.

It's better to shield your children from loss. Okay. Just like fighting, loss is part of life and it's a process they will learn eventually so you can walk through them with them. And go along with it. So they [00:05:00] know how to react to loss, how to process that, or you can throw them to the wolves, like a lot of people there, number seven, all kids are picky.

This isn't true. Not all kids are picky, but some can be right. Some of us are old enough to remember the commercials. Mikey will eat it. Uh, I met those kids. Okay. There are kids who would eat dirt if you put it in front of them, but this is double edged sword. Accommodating pickiness is bad. It actually creates more pickiness.

However, forcing kids to do something are not be picky, right? With the either you get nothing approach isn't necessarily perfect either. It cognitively takes much longer to introduce new concepts for some people than other people. And that includes flavors. So you'll actually frequently have to introduce a new con like flavor, new concept, new idea, your kid [00:06:00] 10, 15 times before it actually starts to take root.

So don't think they're being picky. Think this is a new approach, our new thing. Number eight. Children come first. False. 100 percent false. Your relationship comes first. It is the blueprint and the example for your kid's future and their kid's future and their kid's future. So focus on prioritizing it and your health because you need both to be a good place for you to be able to take care of your kids the best way possible.

Number nine, praising kids makes them smarter. That's dumb. That's like, uh, you know, having likes makes you more popular. Okay. Praise the growth, growth mindset and the process of coming up with an idea or a solution. Praise thinking outcomes don't matter and they don't make you smarter. Learning critical thinking skills [00:07:00] and the ability to learn and gain knowledge, that's valuable.

So praise your kid when they take the initiative to learn and grow. Number 10, parenting comes natural. Yeah, right. If you feel unprepared, lost, panic, scared, terrified, or unqualified, then 9 percent of parents. It is a learning and growing process. And what is right for one kid, just what you think you got to figure it out is not going to be right for the next kid.

Some parts may come easier to you than others, but parenting well is not a natural thing. There's just way too much involved. Parenting is a really big job and there's lots to learn and grow and do in it and master yourself. So, no, it's not a natural thing as far as, Oh, I'm just going to be good at this.

I have a lot of experience with kids. I thought I was going to be a great parent guys. I learned every single day. I guarantee it. Just ask my nine and 12 year old. They'll tell you. [00:08:00] Number 11, good parents. Don't ever lose their tempers. I fell prey to this. This was a big, like, I, I, I had regret over this because guess what?

You will get angry. You just engineered an inherently selfish being that knows and constantly tests exactly what makes you crazy. Just for the sake of provoking a reaction. They want to know the boundaries. Good parents learn to restrain their anger. And it takes time and not act on emotion. But if anybody in the world is going to make you lose your temper, it's your kids that doesn't make you a bad parent.

That just makes you're human. Number 12, kids don't want to talk to their parents. This nonsense, and this is nonsense comes from movies and television shows where parents ask stupid questions. And yes, there are stupid questions. How was school? Eh. That's a stupid question. Okay. This comes from those shows.

We've seen it for years. Raise your kids [00:09:00] talking by listening to them. My 12 year old is doing the fundraiser right now with me. And I love listening to her cause she has a lot to say. She's a smart young woman and I can't wait to hear everything she wants to share with me because I listen and I treat what they say with respect.

Guess what? My daughter's talked to me about everything and I love it. So learn to listen, learn to treat what they have to say with respect because to them, it's important whether you think it is or not. So treat it like it is, and they will always talk to you and they will always want to talk to you.

Number 13, children hate discipline. Children thrive on discipline. This is an all out falsehood because not only do children thrive on discipline, adults thrive on discipline. Everybody wants to know where their boundaries are. It lets them have security to grow in what they're doing. Area is everybody has boundaries and knowing those boundaries and being [00:10:00] sure of those actually gives you the confidence to thrive.

Number 14, children need constant entertainment. They don't and you screw everyone else when you do this. Children don't need constant entertainment. I've, I've fallen prey to this. Okay. I told you it's always a work in progress. It is so much better to make sure that your current children aren't constantly entertained.

Let them learn to find things to do when they're bored. You'll hear that word a lot as parents. I'm bored. Great. Let them learn to be bored. Let them exercise their mind and learn ways to entertain themselves. And to think number 15, there's only one right way to parent. There is no single correct way to be a dad.

Love your children, children, teach them, love your children, teach them to be valuable people and do your very best. But there is no one size fits all dad. Got [00:11:00] it. Don't ever buy into that nonsense. Number 16, parents should be friends with their kids. This common misconception, hell no, this dumb idea is responsible for probably half of our societal woes because there was a whole string of parents in my age group are a little bit younger who thought I should be friends with my kids.

Your kids have friends, be their parent. They only have two of those. They got enough friends. This is how we got here, guys. This is horrible. And this myth has got to go. Number 17, good parents mean great kids. Every one of your children is a unique individual who has to decide what they're going to do with every situation based on not only what you've taught them, but all their other influences and their individual personality.

I had amazing parents and I made some horrible choices [00:12:00] over the years. I worked with teenagers on and off for years and I watched some amazing parents whose kids turned out to be complete. We'll try and keep this PG assholes. Is that close enough? Okay. Being a good parent does not ensure you're going to have great kids.

So you have to understand at some point, your child takes over responsibility for their choices in life. Number 18, you can hold a baby too much, right? Unless you are doing this at a cartoonish level, like that little kid who walked around squeezing the cat all the time in that cartoon and never put them down.

Your kid needs some time down for them to healthily develop. But unless you were just going to that cartoonish level, guess what? You're going to put them down. Eventually you're not going to be able to carry them 24 hours a day, but guess what, that time when they're a little baby goes away really quickly and you're not always going to be able to carry them around.

So enjoy it while you can. [00:13:00] You really can't love on your baby too much. 19 babies only cry when they're hungry, tired, and need to dive have changed. Whoever came up with this stupid idea has never been a parent. This is not true. Your baby only has a handful of ways to express a lot of new emotions and feelings and things they're experiencing for the first time ever, they can only communicate so many ways of that size.

That's the truth. They have limited ways to communicate and they will cry for no reason at all. Sometimes other than they feel like it are they're frustrated and they don't know how to express that. Are they're experiencing something that they can't tell you? It's going to frustrate you. It's going to make you nuts, but it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

It's just one of the very limited ways babies have to express themselves. And it's not necessarily because you did something wrong. It's just because there's not another way for them to express themselves. Number 20, your kid's fears are just the stage they're going through. [00:14:00] Most of us grow out of our fears at some point.

But the big mistake is being dismissive of your kids. Feel fears and feelings. Notice I lump those two together. Why? Cause fears are a portion of feelings to them. What they're experiencing is as real as whatever is stressing you the hell out right now. Whatever's frustrating you, whatever's stressing you.

At their level, that fear is just as real to them as what you're experiencing that's causing you stress. Your job as a parent is to help them learn what is real, what is a threat, what can and cannot hurt them. And if you shut them down on these things, if you don't validate their feelings and help them learn to deal with them, help them address those fears, then they will cut you off for far more important issues.

Later down the road, guys, 20 common myths dealt with boom, done. [00:15:00] I have episodes that go way deeper on some of these specific issues that I felt like we, we need a little more depth in I'll link some of the description or in the show notes, depending on what platform you're with us on. If you want to go deeper.

So check out those episodes next. This is just a quick reference cheat sheet version for you guys, because dad, you've got a lot on your plate. If you're going to be a dad, if you're about to be a dad, he just became a dad. I know there's a lot on your plate right now. So this is your quick reference guide.

I hope this helps. You're going to crush it. I guarantee it just because you're here. I know you're trying to be a great dad, which means you're going to be a great dad, share it with a friend who needs some of these questions answered and be better tomorrow because what you do today. We'll see you on the next one.

This has been the Fallible Man podcast. Your home for everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more [00:16:00] content and get your own Fallible Man gear.