The Art of Apologizing: Building Stronger Relationships

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Well, document.

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In fact, I'm actually a huge movie buff,
like incredible, incredible movie nerd.

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I have been for years.

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So fair warning today, I've got
some movie references for you that

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are gonna bring some real truth
to the subject that it's time.

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We talked about, what am I going to do?

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What are you worried about?

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It's not like your face
is on the side of a bus.

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I'm the one who's going
to take a hit for this.

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Why don't we just get me on the news
so I can make a statement, apologize.

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I mean, that's what the
people want to hear.

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You're probably right.

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Make a statement of some
kind, try and sound sincere.

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Just give me a break.

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One of the most honest moments in movies.

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If you're not familiar with the 2003 movie
Head of State with Chris Rock, the premise

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is this one party knows they're going to
lose because their main candidate dies.

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And so they pick an underdog, low level
politician that they can frame as a

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people's politician that they And so they
can be the first party to run an African

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American for the office of president.

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Want to get that play in so they
look really great since they know

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they're going to lose this one.

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Well, he gets caught on camera saying
some stupid crap that bites him in

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the butt and everybody's freaking out.

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So he tells the team,
Hey, let me apologize.

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It's what they want.

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It's an amazing truth, isn't it?

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A lot of things could be
solved with an honest apology.

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So let's get into it.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potential, growing to the men we

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dream of being while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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Out of curiosity, can you think of
one relationship that you let go

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because maybe they didn't apologize
and they should have, or just saying,

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maybe one you could have saved
with an apology that you didn't.

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I wonder about these things in my
own life, because I always want to

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learn from every situation that I
can, even if that means in hindsight.

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So I actually think about things
like this all the time, playing

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back through old relationships.

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Okay.

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And I've asked myself those very
questions and truth be told, a

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lot of problems would go away with
the simple yet extraordinarily

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powerful words of, I'm sorry.

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By the way, my name is Brent and
welcome to the Fallible Man podcast,

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your home for all things man.

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A big shout out to Fallible Nation.

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That's our normal listeners.

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We love those guys.

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You know, let's get back into this

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now as people, we tend to not just
Hold on to, but hoard our hurts.

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That was good.

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Our hurts, our pains, the
slights rather real or imagined.

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We have almost this
masochistic need to be wronged.

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I don't understand it.

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And often we feel the need to
be victims in today's society.

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In fact, they encourage us to be
victims, which I really don't understand.

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But as men, this mindset is not only
counter to our mental and emotional

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health, Just like it is with women, but
for men, it's actually even worse because

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for men feeling victimized are feeling
like a victim is emasculating for men.

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It actually really doesn't just
hit our mental and emotional

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health the way it normally would.

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It hits us at a biological level.

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We feel emasculated.

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We feel less manly to feel victimized.

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So it's a double whammy for us.

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Well guys, today's episode will
be short and straightforward.

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If you want to have strong relationships
with people, whether that's a family

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member, your kid, your spouse, your
friends, it doesn't matter if you

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want to have strong relationships.

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You need to learn to apologize
easily, quickly, and honestly.

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Now, I'm not asking you to be
that guy who apologizes for every

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single little thing and for just
existing, that's not apologizing.

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That's just weakness and
insecurity coming out.

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I'm talking about actually apologizing
for real situations, quickly, and

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honestly, if you want to protect the
relationships in your life, you must

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be willing to humble yourself some,
which for us, Some of us, like myself,

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that can be a little difficult, and
I admit that, but I promise it is a

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saving grace for a lot of relationships.

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So I've got three simple steps
that can save or strengthen so

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many relationships in your life.

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Number one, you have to truly and
honestly be sorry that a rift was caused.

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It may not be your fault, and it usually
takes two people to mess things up.

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Let's be honest.

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I'm aware of that.

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It doesn't matter if you want to take care
of your relationships, be truly contrite,

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that there is a pain or rift that's
been caused and want to actually fix it.

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Number two, suck it up.

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It doesn't matter if you did
something perfectly normal.

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It doesn't matter if you
didn't do anything wrong.

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The other person could have taken it
incredibly out of context, misunderstood,

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read the situation way, ration wrong,
It might not be your fault at all.

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It might be your fault entirely.

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Doesn't matter.

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Either way, be quick to
apologize and forgive if needed.

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If you want to protect your relationships,
I have literally apologized to people

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by saying, Hey, I'm so sorry, Bob.

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I obviously didn't express that to you
correctly and I poorly communicated.

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I had no intention of
hurting your feelings.

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Can we talk about it?

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I took responsibility.

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Bob chose to hear something totally
out of context and be offended by it.

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Even though he knows me better than that
and should not have taken it personally.

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He chose to do that, but I still
was quick to apologize because that

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relationship was worth protecting.

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And sometimes you have to do the hard work
if that relationship's important to you.

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Number three, make it right.

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Words without action are
hollow and meaningless.

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Do the work to right the situation
or you're not actually sorry.

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It's like the old saying, are you sorry
you did it or sorry you got caught?

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If you're sorry I bit you in
the ass, that's not the same

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thing as being sorry to actually
cause a risk to a relationship.

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If you're actually sorry, That you caused
a rift in this relationship, then you're

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going to take action to do something
about it and to write the situation.

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Otherwise, you're just sorry that
it caused an inconvenience for you.

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Guys, it's that simple.

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It's a miracle cure.

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I kid you not.

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You can repair and strengthen
relationships with a simple apology.

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Two words go a long way.

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I'm sorry.

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No one wants to feel taken
for granted, including you.

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Add pride and it destroys
a lot of relationships.

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That never ever come back.

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So if I've ever taken you, our incredible
listeners for granted, let me be the first

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to say, I'm sorry, this show is for you.

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It's about you.

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And it's about trying to make
your life better as well as mine.

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And I never, ever want to forget that.

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And I never intend to now it's your
turn at the beginning of the show.

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I asked you if you let some
stuff go, well, guess what?

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There's probably some relationships
in your life where you probably

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need to go and apologize.

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To mend that relationship.

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It doesn't matter if it's your fault or
not start with apologizing because you're

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sorry, there's a rift in the relationship,
not necessarily for what happened,

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it's good enough place to start and go
apologize to those people before it's

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too late to say that relationship guys is
always, thanks for hanging out with us.

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Thanks for listening.

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And it's always be better tomorrow
because of what you do today.

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And we'll see you on the next one.

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This has been the fellow woman podcast.

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You're home for everything, man.

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Husband and father.

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Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

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Head over to www.

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TheFallibleMan.

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