The Art of Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

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If you're truly devoted to your marriage,
whether you're just starting out or been

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in it for 20 years, the art of keeping
the spark alive in your relationship

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is something you need to learn.

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But let's start at the beginning.

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Congratulations to you
if you found the one.

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You survived dating and she decided
that yes, she will marry you.

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She knows you better than most
people will ever know you.

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And she still loves to
commit to life to you.

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That's that's great.

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That's amazing.

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Your personality and charm worked.

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The first days are a whirlwind
of romance and puppy dog love.

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You don't fight.

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You never argue.

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She can do no wrong and is
damn near as close to perfect

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as you'll probably ever find.

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That kind of stuff that, you
know, makes other couples kind

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of yak like a rom com movie.

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Even better, you pass the tricky
three year mark, maybe, or even

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the five year mark, and now you're
starting real life together.

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The charm doesn't quite carry you
as far, you argue some, you fight

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occasionally, you know how, you know,
you know that other person's not

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perfect anymore, that veil's gone, so
now it's time to put in the effort.

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In today's episode, we're going to
learn how to keep the spark alive

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because it's an ever changing process.

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But I've got five tips for you that will
apply to every phase of your marriage.

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I guarantee it.

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So let's get into it.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potential growing into the men we

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dream of being while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big question.

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In this podcast, we'll help you
answer those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the Fallible Man podcast.

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My wife and I will officially celebrate
23 years and 25 years of starting your

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journey together in just a week or two.

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I was 21 years old when Sarah married
me and she was 19 and we said, I do.

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And she's still here, despite
the fact that I'm not.

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Always the easiest person to live with.

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And we've learned a lot in 23
years of marriage, full disclosure.

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We haven't always done it right.

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I certainly haven't done it.

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All right.

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This is an episode I could
have used several years ago.

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So I wanted to share some of
the thoughts on this to help you

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avoid the mistakes I've made.

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Because keeping the romance alive was not
actually my best work for a long time.

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In fact, I kind of really sucked at it.

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My wife will tell you, I don't, I
don't pretend I was great at it.

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But I've learned five things in this 23
years that despite whatever phase your

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marriage is in, will really actually
help you keep that spark alive because

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the things that worked at the beginning
won't hold the line moving forward.

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By the way, my name is Brent and
welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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You're home for all things, man.

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Big shout out to fallible nation.

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That's what I call people who
have been with us for a long time.

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And we'd love to have you
be part of that group.

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A warm welcome to our
first time listeners.

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Hey, there's a lot out there
competing for your attention.

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So thank you from the bottom of my
heart for giving us the opportunity.

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To spend some time with you today.

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If you enjoy the show, or if you have
any comments about the show, be sure

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and connect with me on Instagram.

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That's my main platform
at the fallible, man.

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I'm also on most other platforms
that are at the fallible, man.

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Let me know what you thought.

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I'd love to hear your opinion of
the show and thanks for taking

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the time to just check us out.

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If you really like it, Hey,
share us with a friend.

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If the episode helps you, that's the
greatest compliment you ever give us.

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And I'd really appreciate that.

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Now, marriage, marriage is tricky.

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Marriage is hard, so if you're
looking for an easy answer, this

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is not the place that's going to
lie to you and tell you that works.

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Marriage moves in some distinct phases,
and it's charted weird and argued weird

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by marriage experts, because there's
one big disruptor that alters it.

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Being universally consistent and
that's when, and if you have kids,

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however, the things we use to start
our relationship are not going to serve

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you the same 10 years or 20 years in.

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Now, here's how I break it down.

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This isn't like you won't
find this in a book somewhere.

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Uh, this is just my experience.

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It's the puppy dog years
or years one through three.

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And that's, that's just sickening
rom com kind of relationship.

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Uh, you love it.

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The rest of the world doesn't exist.

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And other couples are
just awkward around you.

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Cause we're like, yeah,
you'll grow out of that.

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Don't listen to the jaded couples.

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Enjoy it.

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Right.

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You have your adjustment years to the
fact that you're not all perfect in that

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four through six at seven to 10, you're
actually thinking that you have a chance.

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You might actually make this
thing work from 10 to 20.

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You're doing life and you might
actually see this through.

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And then after about 20 years,
you hit that, who are we?

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Where are we?

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Phase.

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Because usually you've had kids somewhere
in the first four phases and the kids

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are leaving the house at that point.

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And that's actually where most
marriages dissolve because you find

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out that you didn't do anything for
yourselves in those child years.

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So the kid years, they can impact
anywhere in those first four phases.

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Cause that's usually where you
have kids and they're actually the

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cause of number five, who are you?

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Where are you?

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So how do we keep the spark
alive in all of these years?

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Because what worked in one is not
going to work in 10 and it's certainly

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not going to work in year 15.

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Well, guys, I've charted five things,
five that will always help you keep the

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spark alive at any phase of your marriage.

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Now, this is from 23 years of marriage
experience, but this is also from years

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of going to marriage classes and just
being around couples that have been

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married for going on 40, 50 years.

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So here are five things.

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I promise every phase of your marriage,
this will help keep the spark alive.

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Number one, strong leadership is
always sexy purpose driven men who

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practice true leadership will always
be attractive to their spouse.

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Now I've done a lot of leadership videos.

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But if you haven't caught any of
those, a go catch those, but that

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includes listening to your spouse
and taking their advice and the

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viewpoint into consideration.

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But mainly you have to have established
yourself as a leader in that relationship.

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That doesn't mean the dominant.

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That means a leader in that
relationship to the point where she

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has complete trust and belief that
you are always working towards your

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combined vision of the future together.

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If she has no doubts that you
are leading the future together.

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Towards y'all's best days
together, that's always sexy.

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That is something that will always
keep sparking your marriage because

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women like to know that that is
at the forefront of your mind.

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That's direction you're going.

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Number two, the dad bod is never sexy.

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I was going to put this later in the
list cause I didn't want to pick on it.

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But your spouse wants
you to look good for her.

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Okay.

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Women pretend they aren't as
visual as men, but they are.

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Okay.

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You may not have to maintain that
washboard abs you had at, you

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know, 18 years old or 17 years old.

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But unhealthy is never a good look.

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And no matter what she says, your
spouse actually wants you to at

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least look healthy and good for her.

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Because it also tells her that as
long as you're doing that for her,

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like do it for yourself, but as long
as you're doing that with her in mind

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and you're telling her, it's like,
Hey baby, I want to look good for you.

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I love you.

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I want to look good for you.

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Right.

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She wants that arm candy too.

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And that you're actually thinking
about her opinion of you.

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We'll always carry weight.

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It will always be attractive.

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Number three, intentionality
is always sexy.

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The dad bod is never sexy.

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Intentionality is always sexy.

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Stay intentional about nurturing,
nurturing your relationship.

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Maintain a date night.

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This is something that
I screwed up for years.

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I stopped dating my wife.

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One of the greatest mistakes
I ever made in my marriage.

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Let me be just a hundred
percent transparent about that.

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Implementing date night was
one of the best things I did

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for my marriage in years.

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Keep dating your wife.

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Uh, I have a good friend diamond.

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Well, it's been on the show several
times and that's one of Dye's

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bylines is, you know, dating my
wife 20 years strong or whatever.

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Uh, that's still a big focus for him.

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So be present when you're with her.

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It doesn't have to be expensive.

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Okay.

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I know like all of us right
now, we're worried about money,

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economy, blah, blah, blah.

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It doesn't have to be expensive.

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You don't have to spend a lot
of money to have a date night.

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It can be simple things.

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You know, her y'all know
what's good for you together.

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My wife and I coffee
in the gun range, baby.

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That's that's a huge date for us.

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We love that time together.

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So, you know, what pushes those
buttons and moves the needle for you.

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Be intentional.

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Prioritize your relationship.

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Leave little notes, small things matter.

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Communicate actively with her.

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Be intentional about y'all's relationship.

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If you're intentional and present
in that relationship, guess what?

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That's it.

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That that sends signals in her
that sends messages to her that

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helps keep that spark alive.

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Number four, stress relief is the
game changer, game changer guys.

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If you hear nothing else in this podcast
and you want to keep the spark alive

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in your marriage, you need to pay
attention to this segment right here.

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Stress relief is a game changer in
keeping the spark alive in your marriage.

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With the difference in the
way our brains are wired.

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This gets missed by most men,
men see sex and physical contact

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as a form of stress relief.

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Women need stress relief to
want to have physical intimacy.

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This is one of our biggest disconnects.

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This couple of like, we
are just button heads here.

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Guys are like, man, I need to just.

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Bring it down a notch.

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And intimacy is one of the ways I do that.

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Women are like, I'm
losing my mind right now.

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What do you mean intimacy?

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You want to keep that spark alive,
remove the stress from her life.

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And it's one of the sexiest
things you will ever do.

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And it doesn't matter if y'all
don't have kids or you do have kids.

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If you take care of the things she's
worried about and lighten her load, this

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will lead to more physical intimacy,
which is important for staying bonded.

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But this is the disconnect we miss.

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So relieve the stress.

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She needs to be de stressed, not be
worried to want to seek intimacy.

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You're seeking intimacy
because you want to de stress.

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This is the disconnect promise.

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This alone will change your
relationship for the better.

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So help relieve her stress and anxiety.

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I guarantee your marriage will
stay a lot more spark filled.

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Number five, be aware and
interested in her life.

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Women don't think men listen to them.

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The sad thing is a lot
of times they're right.

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So listen to your spouse, know
what's going on with her, her

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friends, her work, her fears.

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Your kids ask about all those things,
be involved with those things.

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And listen, when she talks about them,
crucial, crucial, little note here, how

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she is feeling about them is actually more
important than the state of the things

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as they actually are, how she feels about
her friends, how she feels about her work.

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How she feels when she's thinking
about the kids, feels are big, but

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you need to listen and be aware of
what's going on with her and take

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interest in her life and communicate
about with her and listen, when she

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talks about it, this is sexy to women.

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I guarantee it will increase
the spark in your marriage.

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Now, these five things will always
serve your marriage, no matter

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where you are in your timeframe.

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Three months in or 40 years in these five
powerful tools will help you keep the

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spark alive and your marriage tuned up to
peak performance because I love you guys.

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Here's a bonus tip.

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Learn to cook.

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If you follow the channel for any length
of time or the podcast, you know, I'm a

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big believer in men being able to cook.

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And there's a lot of reasons behind that.

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But men who can cook a quality
meal are always sexy for women.

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Uh, I don't know a single woman who will
disagree with that, but this will help

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you being able to cook a healthy meal,
a good meal for your family, whether

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it's for your spouse or for your family,
depending on where you're at in that

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stage, this will help you with all of
the five points we just talked about

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and can be utilized effectively in all
45 points that we just talked about.

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Now, if it sounds like a lot of work
to you, then you're in for a shock

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because marriage, the last lifetime
are a lot of work and you have to be

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willing to fight for what you started.

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And if you aren't willing to fight to the
death for that relationship, you never

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should've got married in the first place.

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People get married too easily these days.

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If you're down to fight for your
relationship, these six tools, I promise

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you, your marriage will stay hotter
and better than most believer possible.

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They're game changers.

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My guys, I promised you some tools.

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I guarantee these will help you.

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These will be a game
changer in your marriage.

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I appreciate you taking time
to hang out with me today.

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If you want to be part of the show, you
can be featured on the show by going to

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my website and recording the message.

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I've got a little script for you.

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If you record this and there'll be a
link below where you can record this

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from your computer or from your phone.

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I will put it into the
show as part of the show.

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I'd love to have you on here because you
guys are what makes the show what it is.

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And so I love to start having you guys
featured more prominently on the show

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and it would just be a cool segment.

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So if you want to record
it, be in the episode.

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Go to the link below, follow the template,
and it'll end up being in one of the

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shows guys, fight for your marriage.

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If you got married for the right reasons,
your marriage is worth fighting for.

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It takes active work to maintain
a marriage for a lifetime.

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These five things are six things
will absolutely move that needle.

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No matter what phase of
your marriage you're in.

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I promise your marriage will stay
hotter and that spark will last longer.

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Thanks for hanging out.

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Be better tomorrow because what you do
today, we'll see you in the next one.

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This has been the fellow woman podcast.

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You're home for everything,
man, husband, and father.

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Be sure to subscribe.

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So you don't miss a show head over to www.

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thefallibleman.

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00:15:12,504 --> 00:15:20,880
com for more content and get
your own fallible man gear.