The Masculine Guide to a Strong Marriage: Extreme Ownership for Men

The Masculine Guide to a Strong Marriage: Extreme Ownership for Men

If you're one of those victim mentality pussies and you don't want that forever kind of marriage, then go ahead and turn off this episode right now. Save us both the time and energy. This is a place for men, and men choose not to be victims. Now, if you are a man who's interested in doing everything he can do to make his marriage great, then this is the right place for you to be because today we want to equip you with a checklist of things you can control.

And do to work on that forever kind of marriage today on the fallible man podcast I'm going to give you a masculine guide to nurturing a strong marriage and extreme ownership is the answer. Let's get into it Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men?

We dream of becoming while taking care of our responsibilities working living being good husbands fathers and still take care of ourselves Well, that's the big question. And in this podcast, we'll help you with those answers and more. My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. Now, if I [00:01:00] seem a little fired up today, it's because social media just never fails to utterly and completely disappoint you.

I recently posted an interview from a clip from my interview with Crystal DeSantis on Tik TOK. And it wasn't something that I thought should be super polarizing, but the cry baby brigade of male victims went apeshit. I've never had actually so many comments on a single post and guys, I'm completely grieved by the response because it was the stereotypical tragic male, petty, bitter, sad state of men.

Responding the guys that give men bad names generally who responded with just the exact nonsense. I expected of, well, I don't want to work. I don't want to have to have responsibility. I just want to go to work and do nothing else. [00:02:00] And if you're part of that crowd, like I said at the beginning, this is the wrong episode for you guys.

Now, I know that that's not you guys, and that's why I love you guys. You are the elite among men, as far as I'm concerned. You understand that while personal development and growth is not always easy, it's necessary. It's not always comfortable, but it's important. You know you have a depth that you've yet to reach as a man, and you want to get there.

And you're willing to make that journey. That's what makes you elite among men. You're not automatically offended when something I point out or mention highlights an area where you might have some room to grow. You just look at it and go, I might need to grow in that area. And that is why I love you guys because you're here actively.

Choosing to grow. And today you're actually choosing to grow in your marriage. So today, if you're devoted to growing a [00:03:00] lifelong marriage, the happily ever after that you always wanted, I promise we have something for you. By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Women Podcast, your home for all things male, men, man, manhood, whatever you want to call it.

However you like to term it, you're welcome here, guys. Now I know there's a lot competing for your attention. So thanks for giving us a chance. If this is the first time that you've joined us, be sure to connect with me at the fallible man on most social media platforms. I am especially active on Instagram and Facebook.

Those are the two I spend the most time on. So be sure and connect with me there. Uh, the Facebook one's all screwed up. It's the fallible man, our fallible man, not at the fallible man. I screwed that up. I was bad at Facebook when I started this, so be sure and connect with me. I'd love to hear your opinion on the show.

And, you know, let us know what you thought of, how would you say, criers need not apply. If you're one of our longtime listeners, the fallible nation [00:04:00] guys, welcome back for another episode. I promise you, this one's going to help you out. So I won't dilly dally. Let's just get into this. Now, full disclosure.

You can do everything right in a marriage. I mean, you can do everything right in a marriage and it can still go wrong. Okay. I, I, I wish I could tell you that if you did everything right, it would go purpose perfectly. You would hit that happily ever after, but it takes two for a forever marriage. I can't make your spouse.

Put in the work. Hopefully you married somebody who is putting in the work. That's not something I can fix in the aftermath. However, today we do have a checklist for you guys so that you can know and be confident that you're doing everything you can be the husband that you want to be. And I'm really excited.

To share this with you guys. These are things that I apply to my [00:05:00] marriage of 23 years. I'm not perfect at all of it. I'm still a work in progress as you all know, but these are some of the secrets to the 23 years of my marriage. Number one, guys get physical research has proven that couples that are physically more active tend to have better relationships and stronger relationships.

Now that could be for a number of things, but we do know, and I'm not going to, Spend all your time citing a bunch of stats for these things, guys. But the research has proven that couples that are more physically active together tend to have prolonged marriages. Like I said, a lot of things contribute to that.

Uh, active couples stay healthier. They stay in better shape and most of us tend to let ourselves go a little marriage. You know, if you started dating again tomorrow, right? You bust your ass to get more physically attractive or in shape. Somehow those tend to overlap, right? So why doesn't the person you married deserve your physical [00:06:00] best?

The dad bod is bullshit guys. It absolutely is. Active couples have more sex and the physical intimacy is important for both you and for her. So, hey, bonus, right? Who doesn't want more sex? Don't get lost in social media. Active couples don't spend as much time in front of screens. Sure. They may snap that annoying picture of them on top of a map mountain.

Yeah, we're on a mountain, right? But the fact is that active couples tend to spend less time scrolling on their phones, are in front of the television, becoming couch potatoes. And we know from research that spending more time in front of the screen actually is not healthy for you. It impacts your mental and emotional health as well as your perspective on things that skews that.

So, hey, another bonus for being active and hormones. Now I could spout a lot of science stuff here, but let me save you the headache because like I had to look it up. I don't know these things off the [00:07:00] top of my head, right? I had to look it up, but the science is there. The work together, the sweat together, it helps you stay connected at a more hormonal level has something to do with pheromones and stuff like that.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So good things being active. Number two, take care of your mental health. Okay. Mental health issues in men are at an all time high. Here are some of the things you need to do for yourself because if you're in a bad space mentally, you're hurting your marriage. Number one, practice gratitude daily.

Guys, I use a simple gratitude app. It's super easy. Like it's a free download and it really is just a cheesy simple app. I've done a video talking about it before. Uh, but practicing living an act of gratitude helps your mental space. Having a positive quiet time somewhere in your day, whatever that looks like for you.

Now that might be journaling, praying, meditating, whatever you drive to. [00:08:00] For some of you, that's lifting weights. Hey, for me, that's always been part of it. Riding my motorcycle is that positive mental quiet time for my brain. Try mental the mental app I've talked about on the show. I actually hosted the CEO of mental.

Uh, I'm not affiliated with them in any way, shape or form guys, but I still use the app and I still love it. I did a show like that with the founder and I'll leave a link for mental down in the show notes, guys. I love the app and it keeps getting better. They're really committed to expanding it. And they just get add more and more great content to it on a regular basis, but just the daily thought alone.

So maybe check that out, find or build a positive men's circle that inspires you to be your best self. Men's groups are important. I've done entire shows on them. Sometimes connecting with a local men's group may seem overwhelming. So get a circle of friends that you guys are talking about positive thing, talking about the health of your families and [00:09:00] your marriages.

You're talking about maybe growing businesses and side hustles. You're talking about personal development, things that grow, find a group of men that inspire you maybe where you're not the biggest, brightest or strongest and surround yourself with those guys. And my last tip on mental health, fill in the blank.

You know what you need. A friend of mine was like, bro, you need to get out on the bike more. You haven't been this year. And it shows because he knows that's part of my head space where I clear my head, getting on my motorcycle and just going out on the road. Yeah. clears up a lot of things because I don't have time to be anything present when I'm on a motorcycle, I'm going to be safe.

And so it's actually detrimental to my mental health. What I'm not writing. Uh, even my wife has known that my wife has told me to get my ass on the motorcycle before, because I just needed to clear my head. So, you know, what you need to take care of your mental health. So do it guys. No excuses. Number three, [00:10:00] guys, investing your relationship.

If you want that forever kind of magic marriage, then you're going to continue to work and you're going to work for the rest of your life at it because it is an everyday kind of thing. So lead from the front, fight for your marriage every day, especially if you don't feel like your marriage is threatening, because that's actually where most of the damage is done is when people don't perceive a threat to their marriage, it becomes stale.

So fight for your marriage every day. Like. You're afraid you're going to lose it. Not with the insecurity, but with the effort. Okay. Read relationship books. Uh, listen to podcasts. My friend, Oliver and Anise, you know, we're big fans of the relationship trade secret podcast. Go to classes, go to seminars, do things proactively.

My wife and I make it a. concerted effort every year to do something like go to a marriage class or seminar series or [00:11:00] something. We do stuff every year, usually multiple times a year as a concerted effort to work on our marriage. Even if we've been married for 23 years, we still make a concerted effort to input into our marriage positively in that way.

Keep dating your wife. As my friend and mentor, Diamond Well, says I've been dating my wife for X amount of years. The first time I heard him say it, I thought he was crazy. The more I talked to him about it, the more I actually, like, listened to his thought process on it, the more I meant, wow, I'm dropping the ball here and it's actually changed the way my wife and I's relationship work.

We've gotten more proactive about trying to date again. And making sure we have that date time. And it doesn't matter if you've been married 30 days or 30 years, never stop dating your spouse. When you look at it from that point of view, you actually put in more work and you do a better job. Celebrate life together.

You guys are reaching milestones in your marriage all the [00:12:00] time. And that might be years or days that might be events, whatever it is, celebrate your life together. Men are really bad about celebrating our successes. And that's one of the things that we should do as men is celebrate our successes and our milestones in our life together with our spouse, learn to communicate in her love language.

Guys, I've said it before. I'll say it again. I've read a lot of relationship books. Most recently, I talked to Crystal DeSantis about her new book, Strong, and I'll have links for her episode below. It was a phenomenal book. Probably actually one of the better relationship books I've ever read. I will still say that the five love languages is the most pivotal relationship book I have ever read.

If you don't know your spouse's love language, I'll take that a step further. All of the people in your immediate circle, your immediate family, your kids, your best friends. [00:13:00] But especially if you don't know how to speak your wife's language, Love language. You are dropping the ball, gentlemen. You don't have to read the whole book.

You can go look it up online because trust me, there are a lot of people who agree with me on this one, but learn to speak your life, wife's love language. And you may be really surprised to find out you two don't have the same love languages. Like my wife and I don't. And last thought on investing in your relationship, be present every moment that you are with her, whether you're discussing upcoming week or bills are forecasting the next five years, a small conversation to a huge conversation.

When you're with your spouse, be with your spouse intentionally and present in every moment of that. It will make a huge difference in your life. Number four, Invest in your future guys. Here's something that not every man knows. Women fall in love with the ambition and the [00:14:00] possibility of who you will become.

They, you can say that's fair or not. Okay. It doesn't really matter. But the truth is women fall in love with the possibility that they see in you, the possibility that you may only dream about, but they believe in deeply. They can see it in your eyes. They can see it in your personality and attitude. They can see who you're journeying to become.

And that is who they invested in when they decided to marry you. My wife and I were discussing our five year and 10 year outlook the other day. We were dreaming together, figuring out where we want to be guys. Like I said, we're 23 years in our marriage and we're still looking ahead at who I want to be and who we want to be together and what our future is going to look like.

That is what your spouse is invested in. As a woman. So keep investing in your future. Keep growing professionally, personally, mentally, emotionally, physically, part of the reason you're here. So kudos to you. [00:15:00] You're doing it. You're continuing to grow. Kudos to you. Honestly, like I'm not blowing that up. Keep growing in those areas.

Aim for the stars. Never settle for eh. One of my favorite fitness YouTubers in the world, uh, Brian Alshue owns a company and he named it NeverSate. And he's got a big explanation on his website. It's short for never satiated or never, which means never satisfied. If you're not familiar with satiated, stay hungry and you will keep growing.

Stay hungry, hungry, professionally, personally, mentally, emotionally, physically. Stay hungry. Never be satisfied. It's when we fall into that, Oh, I'm good. That we tend to get in trouble. Keep learning. Whether it's books, podcasts, training, lectures, courses, schooling, whatever. Don't ever stop learning. Be a perpetual learner.

You know, we're big fans [00:16:00] of that here and focus. Always keep your eyes focused on becoming the man you're dreaming of becoming. One of my favorite analogies, cause I'm not a runner runner. So I didn't understand this. I don't like to run. I hate running actually. But one of my favorite analogies, because I've known a lot of runners, especially in a race is runners keep their eyes on the finish line.

They're not looking at their feet. They're keeping their eye on the finish line. So keep your eye on the finish line. Who is the man you always dreamed of becoming? Keep your eyes there and keep moving towards it. And I promise it's a big win. Yeah. For your relationship. Number five, gentlemen be capable.

Yes. I separated this from investing in your future because skill sets are a different thing. So never stop growing your skill sets. Can you do basic home and automotive repairs? Guys, I don't expect you to be able to drop your [00:17:00] transmission or replace it. That's not what I'm asking of you, but can you do basic home and automotive repairs?

These are skills you should develop simple things like changing your spark plug, changing your oil, little things, right? Fixing little link. Like if your toilet is not draining, right? Can you fix that little household things? Like I said, you don't have to be an expert repairman, but you should be able to take care of little things.

It's a skillset. Can you fight when necessary? Now I know all of you just went, yes. I, I know it men do this. All of you just went, Oh yeah, I can fight. You haven't been in a fight in 30 years or longer, 20 years or longer, 10 years or longer guys. That's a skill set. Physical combat is a skill set and every man thinks, Oh yeah, I'd stand toe to toe with bear.

And guess what? Most men, if somebody they love. Was in trouble? Probably [00:18:00] would try. You're probably gonna die a horrible death, but you know, better you than them, right? That's at least our mentality. But can you actually physically defend your family? It is a skill set, so get active. Whether you box or do jujitsu, I know that's very popular these days, or some kind of martial art, whatever.

Can you physically fight? It's a skill set, so work on it. Hopefully you never have to use it, but you know, I think it's Bruce Lee that's credited with it. It's always gets taken out of contact. It's better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war or some crap like that. I don't know. Some woozy I think I even have it on a shirt, but I can't quote off the top of my head.

Do you have basic life skills? Can you cook? Do you know how to do your own laundry and clean the house? Do you know how to sew? Do you know how to start a campfire? Can you use most basic hand tools? Guys, these are skill [00:19:00] sets that everybody should learn in their life. I got in trouble for saying that all men should learn that one point.

Honestly, I think all people should have this skill set, but especially men, because that's what I talked to. But guys, these are all skills you should be working on through your whole life. Do you have to be an expert at all of them? No. Should you be at least competent? in all of them. Absolutely. 100%.

Number six, gentlemen, pull your weight. Gone are the days of strict role and gender division of work around the family. If you're still trying to live in the delusional world of leave it to beaver and bad naked night rear ends, it's time for you to grow up. Seriously. Your grandpa lived in a different world and time than you did.

Don't get me wrong. You and your spouse should absolutely divide up the work based on your relationship and your [00:20:00] strengths and weaknesses and your skill levels, but you should be capable of pulling your weight in all areas of your life. I told you at the beginning of this that I posted a comment or a clip from Crystal DeSantis.

And one of the things she said in the clip was, as a parent, you should not have to ask your spouse, the things. That a babysitter would, and this set off an entire tirade, like I said, on Tik TOK, but she's a hundred percent right. You should never, ever, ever as a parent need the rundown from your spouse that you would give to a babysitter just because you aren't the one who feeds your kid all the time or aren't the one who gives your kid medicine when they're sick or whatever.

You have no excuse as a parent to not pull your weight when it comes to your children. It took two of you to get them. It takes two of you to raise them really well. And as a parent, you should be able to parent. You should know all these things about your kids, [00:21:00] whether that's your active role or not.

Household chores, doesn't matter who normally does it. It doesn't matter how you guys choose to divide that up. And it is probably going to be a discussion because most modern women aren't going to do it all. Like I said, this is in the 1950s. But if your partner normally does the laundry or the cooking or whatever, great.

What happens when they're tired? Like, have you ever thought about being a really great husband and being like, you know what, you sit down and let me take care of this. What happens when they're sick? What happens if they're traveling? You should be able to give your partner a break. Cause you live there too.

You should be able to do all those things. And you know what? You should pitch in every now and then, whether your wife asked you to or not to help with these things. I wrapped up all day in the studio yesterday, working on stuff and walked out and started talking to my wife who was working on some [00:22:00] of my children's homeschool stuff, saw some towels on the couch, and I just started folding towels while I was talking to her.

She didn't ask me. It's generally something my children do. I did it because I live here and it was something I could do to help while I was talking to my spouse. You can decide in your home that's between you and your spouse, but you should be able to pull your weight on everything in the house. And the last thought on pulling your weight is contribute to your family.

I mean, beyond financially, you have to contribute to your family. Do you know what's happening in their lives? Do you know what they're concerned about? What their fears are? Do you know who's in their lives? My wife or I, one or the other, know all of my children's friends. We also know their parents. Why?

Because they spend time around our children. What [00:23:00] are your children's favorite things? What are your wife's favorite things? Contribute to your family far beyond financially, be engaged, be involved, know them, know who they are and who they want to be, and how you can help them get there. Pull your weight.

You want a healthy marriage. You have to pull your weight. And that means being all in and invested in all of it. Now, gents, we're way past the 1950s. Marriages are not the same and the way we approach them hasn't changed for just lack of. I don't know, better education, I guess. It was part of the conversation that Crystal DeSantis and I had the other day.

That I hadn't really thought about is we stopped asking men to learn to put more into their relationship. So it was not generally fair because a lot of men are floundering in their relationships because they haven't been told that more is expected of them these [00:24:00] days. The old standard that has been the standard for years was protect, provide, preside, and procreate the four P's.

Most of us don't live in a place where we hunt every day or have to worry about rubbing bannons. Thank you, modern world. Uh, and thank you God for that, that I live in a country where that's not the everyday case. Some places I know that I still exist. Protecting now includes emotional and mental security.

Providing is frequently a two person task in this modern economy. If you make enough money that your spouse doesn't have to work, that's amazing. For a long time, I made enough money where my spouse didn't have to do any work. And it was great. And I loved it. And the economy got crazy on again and my income dropped.

So guess what? We're both working these days. It's normally a two person income to make a household work because the, what they tell us, if you make less than 140, 000 a year [00:25:00] as a couple, and that's like, it's more than that, actually. You're considered dirt poor in the U S society. Because the cost of living has become astronomical.

So the whole providing thing has become more complicated. Presiding is something that only happens because of an act of love and honor from your spouse to you. You only preside if your wife honors you because she loves you and trusts you to have the best in mind for your family. Presiding is not something that is commonly accepted anymore.

It's only generally seen in faith circles. But even in faith circles, guys, it only actually happens if your wife honors you with, and not everybody wants kids these days. And sadly, there's a lot of sexless marriages out there because of men carrying this 1950s mindset. I had [00:26:00] an entire conversation with Cass Morrow on that last season.

And guys, Morrow Marriage is doing amazing things in combating this mindset, so you can always check those guys out. But we're past the days of coming home from work and just flopping out on the clouch and being a lazy POS. More is expected of us as men. You can love it. You can lump it. It doesn't really matter in a modern relationships in the modern world.

As modern men, we are expected to engage beyond just Masculine men have always risen to the challenges in front of them for centuries. Climb a mountain? Sure, hey, we could do that. Conquer the mountain. Discover new worlds. Cross endless oceans. Conquer enemies. Whatever we're faced with, men's roles as men have always been rise to the challenge, rise to the [00:27:00] challenge.

We can do it. You'll most of the time hear men who are tired and exhausted and feeling run down be told, Hey, we have this issue. And the answer is we'll take care of it because that's the way our brains work. And that's the men we were meant to be. Men's roles in modern relationships have stayed the same, even though times have changed.

But the definition of what is encapsulated in those roles of provide, preside, protect, procreate have changed radically. And a lot of men aren't growing to match that. This list will help you on your end of the marriage. Remember, she has to be committed to the marriage too, for it to be a forever marriage.

But if you use this as a checklist guys, you'll at least know you're covering your end as a modern masculine male. I'm not detracting from the generations that came before us, but we don't live in the same world [00:28:00] and our roles as men has not decreased. It's increased. Now, these are things I've focused on in my 23 year marriage.

I'm not perfect. Recently, I've let my health drop some because I spend too much time behind the computer screen working. And so I'm pushing the gas on that part in my life right now, because really the dad bod is offensive to me. And the fact that I'm starting to have one really offends me. So I'm working on it.

It's a lot of work to do all these things. It is a lot of work. Let me say that very clearly. It is a lot of work to do all these things that we've talked about in this episode, but it's a lot of work. To have a forever kind of marriage, the end result is worth the work. If you're looking for that forever kind of marriage and these things will help you on that past.

Now, guys, I'm going to post this on the blog section of my website, that list on the blog section of my website, where you can grab it that way. You can literally use it as checklist if you want to, or [00:29:00] it will be in my weekly bi weekly mailer. That you can sign up for at the link below. I have a bi weekly mailer.

I'm not going to spam you, but I do put original content in that mailer, uh, just for my mail list. So if you want to join that, there's a link below. Be sure and check out the episode with marriage therapist, Crystal DeSantis next. If you haven't already seen that. And if you have go back and catch the episode, we cast Morrow from Morrow Marriage.

It's another great one. If you want to step up as a man and have the marriage you've always wanted to be better tomorrow, because what you do today. We'll see you on the next one. This has been the Fallible Man podcast. Your home for everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show.

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