The New Dad's Guide to Navigating Parenting Challenges. | 10 Tips

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In the chaotic symphony of
parenting, one truth reigns supreme.

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Nothing prepares you for the journey.

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Guys, buckle up as we dive into
this new Dad's Guide to Navigating

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Parenting Challenges, which will help
you on this journey to fatherhood.

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In this episode, we take a raw, unfiltered
look into the constantly evolving

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role of being a dad and the messy but
beautiful reality of raising kids.

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So let's get into it.

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Here's the million dollar question.

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How do men like us reach our full
potential growing to the men we

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dream of being while taking care
of our responsibilities, working,

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being good husbands, fathers,
and still take care of ourselves?

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Well, that's the big
question in this podcast.

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We'll help you answer
those questions and more.

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My name is Brent and welcome
to the fallible man podcast.

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Forget everything, you know, about
parenting as someone who's been knee deep

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in the world of children since my own
early days from nursery duties and small

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churches to wrangling nieces and nephews.

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Thought I had the playbook down pat.

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Then came the curveball, my kids.

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Suddenly all those preconceived
notions and well meaning advice

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seemed pretty stupid in the
chaos of real life parenthood.

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It's a wild ride filled with
unexpected twists, unscripted

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moments, and a whole lot of love.

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Gentlemen, in this episode, I'm going
to share 10 tips for new dads in

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navigating parenting challenges early
on that will stand the test, I promise.

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When your kids come, no matter
what, by the way, my name is Brent.

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Welcome to the fallible man podcast.

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You're home for all things, man.

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Big shout out to fallible nation.

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That's our private community and a warm
welcome to our first time listeners.

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Hey, thanks for checking us out.

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We know there's a lot competing
for your attention, so we really do

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appreciate you taking the time to hang
out with us today and give us a chance.

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Be sure and hit me up.

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On Instagram.

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That's my main platform, but any
social media at the fallible man.

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And I'd love to hear what
you think of the show.

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And if you really enjoyed it, be sure
to leave us a review and share it with

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your friends that really helps us out.

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Now let's go on and get into this
because I know why you're here.

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You want to be a good dad.

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Number one, forget all of
your preconceived notions.

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I worked with children my whole
life, including as a young person

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and growing up in small churches, I
was in the nursery, the cradle roll,

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little kids classes and way beyond,
and I have lots of nieces and nephews.

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And I thought I had this down pretty well.

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I started having my own children.

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So let me share this with you, learn
what you can, but understand nothing

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matches up with it actually being
your kid in the moment with you.

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So just let all those preconceived
thoughts of how you do it.

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Go by number two, you don't have
to figure it all out from day one.

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I hear guys beat themselves
up all the time over this.

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I just wasn't, no one
expected you to be prepared.

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Okay.

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Everyone jokes about the first kid
being the experiment, but realize it's

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a growing experience for both of you.

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You'll learn to be a parent right
alongside with your kids growing up.

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You'll still be learning
to be a good parent.

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When your kids are out on their own
and coming to you for advice about

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possibly their kids and their future.

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Don't worry about people judging you.

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Only non parents will
and screw them anyways.

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Pairing as a constant growth and
evolution for the rest of your life.

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Number three, there's no such thing
as perfect dad in all of history.

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There has never been a perfect dad.

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Now, every dad should be on
a journey to become Superman.

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Your kids will thank your super old
man long before you're even close.

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So don't let that way like
your journey, but you should

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absolutely try to become Superman.

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Because you want to do the
best for your kids, right?

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That's the example you want to set.

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Well, the Air Force brought in a group
of Navy SEALs years ago to evaluate

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their pararescue school, because they had
such a high wipeout rate in the school.

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Only two of the eight to 10, I don't
remember what the exact number SEALs

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graduated from the grueling two year
school that they call Superman school.

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When they were asked why the
SEALs said, we built Superman.

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You expect them to be
Superman from day one.

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Fatherhood is a lifelong journey.

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Perfection is out of the question.

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So don't worry about it.

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Number four, try not to
schedule too many things.

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Every dad struggles with this, especially
if you're already an individual person.

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But the truth is everything
takes longer with kids.

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And with a baby, especially everything
takes longer, realistically add

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30 minutes to most common things.

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And then you can adjust up from there
as you get experience going along.

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But just from the beginning, start
with the assumption that everything in

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your life will take 30 minutes longer.

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You and the baby's mom are in a whole
new world and we'll have to learn

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to do everything all over again.

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Plus one or two, depending on how
many kids you have in that moment.

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On top of that, you're both
going to be exhausted from lack

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of sleep and high emotions.

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It's a good draining, but it is a drain.

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So give yourself a little more
time and don't overschedule.

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Number five, when the going
gets tough, take a break.

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There will be moments when the
world conspires to make dads mad.

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When you haven't slept, the baby's
crying, the bottle's boiling

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over, the phone is ringing.

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Your partner's cranky and you just
want to scream, turn off the stove,

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go outside and take some deep breaths
until you're ready to reenter the fray.

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Doesn't mean walk away.

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That means go compose yourself.

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Also, while many won't admit
it, all dads go through this.

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Okay.

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Let me say that again.

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All dads go through this.

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Don't beat yourself up
for those angry flashes.

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As long as they don't materialize
into the way you act towards your

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wife, your partner, or your child.

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But understand, give yourself the
grace to step away for a minute.

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Number six, take care of
yourself and your spouse.

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Keep an eye on your driving, your diet,
your risk taking because guess what?

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You just made a lifelong commitment.

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Your kid needs you around, but being
healthy and happy is more than that

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because being healthy and happy
as a dad is one of the greatest

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gifts you'll give to your kids.

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Self care is important for you and
it's important that you make time for

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and encourage your spouse to do the
same thing, to take that self care.

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Remember, you can't pour
out of an empty pitcher.

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And this is one of those first things
that you will try to do as a dad is just

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run yourself ragged and not take time
for yourself because you're trying to

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take care of your partner and the baby.

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You've got broad shoulders as a man,
you're meant to carry burdens, but you

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can only do so much of that effectively
without taking care of yourself.

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It will be good for you.

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It will be good for your partner
and it will be good for your child.

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So be sure and take care of yourself.

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Number seven, talk to other new
fathers and other fathers about

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your experiences and theirs.

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This is something men just suck at.

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Mother's groups abound
and women love them.

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My wife loved hers and was part
of two or three men suck at this.

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We're just, we don't, we don't do it.

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You don't need to call it a men's group.

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You don't have to hug or do sensitive
air quotes, sensitive things, call you

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guys on out or whatever you need to,
to make yourself feel better about it.

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But surround yourself with other
dads who can help you with their

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experience and knowledge as you're
making this year doing yourself.

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It will be one of the best things
you do for you and your family.

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Number eight,

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make time with your family, a priority.

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When you look back on your life,
because hindsight is not only 2020

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hindsight can be a little bit nasty.

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When you look back on your life
years from now, you won't regret not

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having worked longer or more hours.

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You won't give a crap about that deal that
you'll forget about two years from now.

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And many of the other things you think
are important now, just won't even

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be on your radar or in your memory.

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Well, you might regret is not have
spending more time with your kids.

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When you could, I was there when
my oldest took her first steps.

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I was halfway across the country
when my second child did.

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And I found out on a zoom call with
my wife and it absolutely crushed me.

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Cause all of a sudden my kid
just darted across the camera.

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She was running.

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I didn't even know she could walk yet.

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It crushed me because I'll
never get that moment back.

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Now, if that seems little to you right
now, I promise in hindsight, 20 years

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down the road, you'll understand.

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And I really doubt it will take 20 years.

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Time spent playing on the
floor or watching your baby

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sleep is time well spent.

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Every moment, every first, every step is
precious and we'll just fill your part up.

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Those are the moments you
will want to hold on to.

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Number nine, be part of their bed and
bath routine, especially with newborns.

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A father needs a chance to create
bonding opportunities with kids

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because they're naturally going
to seek their mothers early on.

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There's nothing wrong with
that, but you're going to have

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to fight for some of that time.

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Well, bedtime and bath time are perfect
moments where you can Begin to create

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traditions that will help develop a
unique bond with your amazing children.

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This was a power move for me as a father.

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I mean, one of my absolute power moves.

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The one I look back now, when my kids
at nine 12, I go, that was one of

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the smartest things you did, Brent.

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And that's, you know, not, I
know that's not saying much, but

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that's, this was a power move.

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Okay.

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My daughters took showers with me
from their first shower from the

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time we brought them home from the
hospital until they were old enough

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to start to do it on their own.

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I just sit outside of the shower
and reach in and help them shampoo

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their hair, help make sure they
got the shampoo out of their hair.

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Right.

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Until they were that age and I had to
help them do that all the way to the

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newborns now My wife didn't want to
hold a newborn in the shower because

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our bath is not exactly a nice It's a
little traditional one piece nonsense.

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They stick in a lot of houses and I'm
tall so, you know bath suck But this

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was amazing because instead of putting
them in a baby bath I had skin to skin

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contact which is very valuable dad for
building A connection with your children.

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I had skin to skin contact time with
them, which is precious, especially is

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that in that infancy, my wife didn't
want to try and hold onto a slippery

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baby and a pro tip, super slippery,
newborns are super slippery, especially

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if you add soap and water, so be careful.

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But it was amazing time that my children
bonded with me in a very intimate

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skin to skin contact that most women
have when they're nursing a child.

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We still do the same bedtime ritual at
nine and 12 years old that they did when

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they were an infant and a three year old.

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We are still doing that same exact ritual.

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It hasn't changed.

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These are critical times for you to step
in as a dad and really make some memories.

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Number 10, be extra patient, extra
supportive and communicate better with

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your partner during this period, giving
birth can be hugely traumatic experience.

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Even if it goes smoothly, hormones will
continue to ebb and flow, uh, after the

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childbirth process is officially over.

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If there's ever a time for you to be
understanding with your baby's mom

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and available to them, this is it.

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While you hear more about it with
women, both of you can actually have

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variations of postpartum depression.

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Your normal flow will be completely
upended for a while and you

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need to be okay with that.

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Just decide that beforehand.

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This is a time to come alongside
her and really show up for

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her as a partner, as a man.

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Remind her you love her and that
she's amazing and that you're

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here and you're in this together.

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This is a critical moment
in your relationship.

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Now because it is Friday, I like to give
you guys a little more than advertised.

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And so I have a bonus number 11 for you.

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Kids are portable.

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Number 11 kids are extremely
portable these days.

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So don't stop leaving the house.

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Honestly, one of the biggest mistakes
people make in is thinking that the

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rest of their life seems to stop.

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And I don't know about you, but my life
doesn't ever seem to stop for anything.

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Cabin fever becomes a real thing
very quickly for both of you.

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Especially if one of you is staying
home with the baby, whether that's

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for a maternity leave or just stay
at home, it can be really quick.

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That's bad English.

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It can very quickly feel like cabin fever
for her, especially if she's staying home.

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Okay.

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This increases the likelihood of
postpartum depression, especially

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when you combine it with the fact
that a lot of your non parent

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friends, your single friends.

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We'll disappear guarantee your
circle will change drastically,

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but now it's an amazing time.

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There are, and I'm not associated
with any brands I mentioned, and

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they're just throwing out examples.

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There are amazing backpacks
from brands like Kelty Kids.

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Ours was honestly one of the best
things I ever bought as a dad.

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Like I love that thing and
passed it on to the next person

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because it was such high quality.

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That was preceded by the best baby shower
gift we ever got, which was a Moby Wrap.

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Backpacks require the children to be
old enough and strong enough to hold

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their head up on their own wraps.

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Actually like wrap the child next to you.

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And they're great for infants.

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Go for walks, go places, do things.

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We were back in our normal season ticket
holder seats for our local hockey team.

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A month after my oldest was born,
put some cotton in her ears, beanie

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cap over to help hold it in place.

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And she slept through most of the game
in her wrap next to my wife or next to

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me, depending on who had the wrap on.

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Cause I'd walk around with a wrap on too.

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And my wife could actually comfortably
nurse with the wrap on and a blanket.

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And we just went wherever we needed to go.

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Tacticalbabygear.

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com has some awesome stuff for moms and
dads that will help you keep moving.

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Their backpack diaper
bag is freaking awesome.

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I wish I had had one.

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Uh, I didn't buy that unfortunately,
cause I didn't find it until after

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my kids were older than that.

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But I wish I had that diaper bag.

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Cause it was amazing.

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And it didn't look like a diaper
bag, which was even more amazing.

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Like I said, I'm not affiliated with
any of those brands guys, but those

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products were stellar as a dad for
us being able to continue our lives.

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And that's something that's
going to be really important

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as you guys are developing.

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Remember it was you guys first,
then the baby came along.

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So your life has to continue and the
two of you have to remain in focus.

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So fellow dads, here's the bottom line.

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There's no one size fits
all manual for fatherhood.

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It's just not.

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It's a journey of trial and error,
growth, great growth and grace, embrace

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the messiness, cherish the milestones.

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And above all, remember the
perfection is overrated.

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Whether you're navigating sleepless
nights are revealing reveling in

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the joys of tiny little victories
because you'll have lots of those

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know that you're not alone together.

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We'll laugh, we'll cry and we'll
muddle through the beautiful

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chaos called fatherhood.

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One imperfect moment at a time.

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I've got a lot more
episodes about fatherhood.

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Be sure and check out some of those.

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So that's something that
is coming up in your life.

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Now it is Friday on Fridays.

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We share listener reviews.

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Because we love you guys.

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And honestly, I've got no show.

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I'm just an idiot on a microphone,
uh, without my audience.

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So I like to celebrate you guys.

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00:17:28,210 --> 00:17:35,570
And we got this amazing review, five
star review called belonging says us

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00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:38,649
guys get beat up on so many angles.

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00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,179
It's refreshing to hear the conversations
that happen on the show to help us

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become the best version of ourselves.

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That was from, they call me breezer.

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I love you guys usernames.

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Thank you so much for that.

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00:17:48,909 --> 00:17:51,639
It really does help us get
more visibility and get.

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Shared with more people, uh, by moving our
rankings and Apple podcasts, not because

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00:17:56,665 --> 00:18:00,215
I care about the rank because Apple
podcast shows the show to more people.

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When you guys do things like that for
me, if you want to hear your view right

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00:18:03,715 --> 00:18:05,494
on the show, you got to leave a review.

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00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:10,094
And, uh, I love to celebrate
you guys, dad, you got this.

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00:18:10,125 --> 00:18:15,395
I know it's scary, but I promise
these 11 tips will absolutely

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00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:16,925
help you going forward.

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00:18:18,845 --> 00:18:24,245
Unlike some of the other advice you
get, be sure and check out my original

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00:18:25,095 --> 00:18:31,014
10 things every expecting dad should
know video, audio, video, show, whatever

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00:18:31,045 --> 00:18:32,885
episode, I'll try and link that.

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00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:36,634
Uh, if that's the path you're
on, I guarantee that was one of

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the most popular shows I did.

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Because it helped a lot of dads.

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I want to help you guys out.

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Thanks for hanging out today.

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00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,679
Be better tomorrow because what you
do today, we'll see on the next one.

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00:18:48,929 --> 00:18:51,360
This has been the fallible man podcast.

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00:18:52,009 --> 00:18:55,239
Your home for everything
man, husband, and father.

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00:18:56,239 --> 00:18:58,470
Be sure to subscribe so
you don't miss a show.

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00:18:59,349 --> 00:19:00,899
Head over to www.

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00:19:00,899 --> 00:19:01,389
thefallibleman.

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00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:11,260
com for more content and get
your own fallible man gear.