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This Parenting Mistake Is Destroying Kids’ Success

This Parenting Mistake Is Destroying Kids’ Success

Every parent wants their child to succeed. We don’t just want success; we want our kids to thrive! So why is it that so many parents make the same mistake over and over again instead of learning for parents with successful kids? I did a deep dive int...

Every parent wants their child to succeed. We don’t just want success; we want our kids to thrive! So why is it that so many parents make the same mistake over and over again instead of learning for parents with successful kids? I did a deep dive into parents with children thriving in the world and well into adulthood to see what they were being taught that all the rest of us weren’t.

I started with conversations I never had with my parents, who were great parents and moved from there. What was it that made some kids more successful than others and how come it seems to flow in certain families.

Bruce Lee has been credited with saying:

“don't give them everything you didn't have, teach them everything you didn't know”

I am not sure if he in fact said that, but the idea was brilliant. Now we focus on conversations and teachable moments with my daughters based on things that I didn’t learn until I was almost 40. Why don’t you join us and see what I am talking about.

Transcript
1 00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:03,240 Have you ever experienced the awesome power of a tornado? 2 00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:07,410 If you have, then you also know that it's not the experience that most people want. 3 00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:11,010 I remember when I was four or five standing on our sun deck with my father 4 00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:13,620 as a massive tornado cut through our town. 5 00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:18,690 I watched this awesome force peel the roof of a building directly 6 00:00:18,690 --> 00:00:21,540 across the street from us off like the top, like just like a banana. 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,500 It's crazy. 8 00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:24,120 We're lucky that day. 9 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:26,160 The brun of it missed us entirely. 10 00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,470 Others weren't so lucky. 11 00:00:29,205 --> 00:00:33,495 As a wide-eyed child, it was easy to be grateful that day I was alive. 12 00:00:34,255 --> 00:00:37,455 I was young enough that I felt completely safe holding onto my 13 00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:41,745 father's hand, even as the roof of the building directly across the street 14 00:00:41,895 --> 00:00:43,245 with, I mean, this is a parking lot. 15 00:00:43,245 --> 00:00:46,815 I learned to ride a bike in was just decimated in front of me. 16 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:49,785 We had a basement that made our house safer. 17 00:00:49,815 --> 00:00:53,505 In fact, most of the neighborhood was in our basement at that time. 18 00:00:54,915 --> 00:00:57,105 How do we take that mindset? 19 00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,190 Into the rest of our lives as well. 20 00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:05,550 That feeling of being safe and grateful, of feeling grateful even in the 21 00:01:05,550 --> 00:01:09,179 storms of life when life sucks and the storms just beat at your foundations. 22 00:01:09,179 --> 00:01:13,500 How do we practice gratitude when it's hard to be thankful? 23 00:01:15,090 --> 00:01:15,979 Well, let's talk about it. 24 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:19,259 Here's the million dollar question. 25 00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:22,950 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into 26 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:26,580 the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsi? 27 00:01:26,955 --> 00:01:32,235 Working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves. 28 00:01:33,105 --> 00:01:34,785 That's the question in this podcast. 29 00:01:35,115 --> 00:01:36,405 We'll help you with those answers. 30 00:01:36,405 --> 00:01:39,645 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 31 00:01:40,455 --> 00:01:41,895 Welcome to the Fable Man Podcast. 32 00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:44,715 You're home for all things, man, husband, and father, big shout out 33 00:01:44,715 --> 00:01:45,975 to the fallible nation on warm. 34 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,414 Welcome to our first time listeners. 35 00:01:47,805 --> 00:01:48,585 My name is Brent. 36 00:01:48,855 --> 00:01:52,465 Today we're talking about gratitude since tomorrow is Thanksgiving to Seemed app. 37 00:01:53,475 --> 00:01:55,515 We've talked about gratitude many times in this show. 38 00:01:55,755 --> 00:01:59,475 We even touched on it during Manly Monday, our live show that happens every 39 00:01:59,475 --> 00:02:00,915 Monday night on Facebook and YouTube. 40 00:02:01,785 --> 00:02:05,745 There is research to prove that living with gratitude as a mindset 41 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:07,965 is better for you in many ways. 42 00:02:08,325 --> 00:02:09,795 It improves mental wellbeing. 43 00:02:10,215 --> 00:02:12,535 It increases your optimism, your happiness, your 44 00:02:12,855 --> 00:02:13,755 physical and mental health. 45 00:02:14,655 --> 00:02:17,415 You have deeper relationships and more self control. 46 00:02:17,865 --> 00:02:20,835 And let's face it, we could all probably use that at times. 47 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,315 And it's even been connected to the athleticism. 48 00:02:24,734 --> 00:02:25,755 Isn't that crazy? 49 00:02:25,845 --> 00:02:27,345 Athleticism, right. 50 00:02:29,445 --> 00:02:31,635 I wanted to share some thoughts with you in hopes that it may 51 00:02:31,635 --> 00:02:33,195 help you or someone you know. 52 00:02:33,795 --> 00:02:36,465 I'm a big believer in the fact that everyone has things that they're 53 00:02:36,465 --> 00:02:39,765 going through, maybe different than you, but no less valid. 54 00:02:40,425 --> 00:02:43,965 Everyone has a burden they carry and wrestle with, and the holidays can be 55 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:48,345 really difficult for a multitude of people as we celebrate this season of g. 56 00:02:49,250 --> 00:02:51,090 Remember there are people who are struggling to fill that 57 00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:53,340 gratitude list with anything. 58 00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:55,290 In the last couple years. 59 00:02:55,290 --> 00:02:58,140 We've come through a lot and there are a lot of people who are still 60 00:02:58,140 --> 00:03:01,290 in recovery from those losses or experiencing them still in real time 61 00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:02,910 cuz the storm hasn't passed For them. 62 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:06,209 It's easy to be grateful in the good times, but how do we maintain 63 00:03:06,209 --> 00:03:08,399 that gratitude mindset in the storm? 64 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:14,280 Gentlemen, I wanna share with you six concepts for your 65 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,840 consideration that I think will. 66 00:03:17,295 --> 00:03:20,055 As you weather the storms alive, for you to keep that gratitude 67 00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:21,885 mindset that is so beneficial. 68 00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,665 Number one, write down the things you're grateful for. 69 00:03:26,535 --> 00:03:29,145 Now, I grew up in a conservative Christian Church as the preacher's kid. 70 00:03:29,325 --> 00:03:33,765 I know all the old hymns by heart and can sing most of them 71 00:03:33,825 --> 00:03:35,085 without even thinking about it. 72 00:03:35,085 --> 00:03:38,595 But one stands out to me called Count Your Blessings. 73 00:03:39,225 --> 00:03:41,985 And even as I record the show, I can hear it in my head. 74 00:03:42,675 --> 00:03:45,065 And to be honest, it never sunk in much as a. 75 00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:51,015 However, as adult, I've found this fairly practical vice and have know 76 00:03:51,015 --> 00:03:53,234 many people who practice this actively. 77 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:57,704 Even my friend Sean, who usually does the Thanksgiving show with me, Sean 78 00:03:57,704 --> 00:04:01,095 and his wife Diane, keep big sheets of butcher paper hanging in their house, 79 00:04:01,515 --> 00:04:06,225 and they walk by and write down things all the time as it happens in real time 80 00:04:06,225 --> 00:04:07,935 recording things they're grateful for. 81 00:04:08,775 --> 00:04:11,174 We've talked about gratitude journals before and the value of 82 00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:14,055 just writing down a couple things every day that you're grateful for. 83 00:04:15,165 --> 00:04:22,245 There is some powerful, powerful force to writing things down 84 00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,265 and putting them in our world. 85 00:04:23,895 --> 00:04:28,725 It trains your mind to seek and observe the things that are good things, that 86 00:04:28,725 --> 00:04:30,225 are blessings, that are happy things. 87 00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:34,335 It conditions your brain to focus on the positive moments in life. 88 00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:36,585 So data, mind your day. 89 00:04:37,425 --> 00:04:40,065 You don't have to go full journal if you're not a journaling person. 90 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,991 If you've been in on the show many times, you know that's not my. 91 00:04:44,401 --> 00:04:45,901 But you don't have to go full journal. 92 00:04:46,861 --> 00:04:49,051 You can literally hang it on the walls like Sean and his wife. 93 00:04:49,051 --> 00:04:50,131 You don't have to go that fire. 94 00:04:50,761 --> 00:04:51,151 Okay. 95 00:04:51,451 --> 00:04:56,221 I actually used to have an app on my phone and I would record three things 96 00:04:56,281 --> 00:04:57,901 every day that I was grateful for. 97 00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:03,121 At first it was hard, then it was pretty simple, and then it was hard 98 00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:08,431 to narrow down to just three things because if you look for it, you learn to. 99 00:05:09,436 --> 00:05:13,606 Which makes it easier and it keeps it easier as you're going through hard times. 100 00:05:14,626 --> 00:05:17,656 Number two, gentlemen, make gratitude a habit. 101 00:05:18,556 --> 00:05:20,836 Now that kind of seems what I just said, right? 102 00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:21,826 But no, that's not. 103 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:25,636 If you say thank you more than you say, please, it's not a bad thing. 104 00:05:26,836 --> 00:05:30,316 Be quick to appreciate people for their contributions to your day. 105 00:05:31,096 --> 00:05:35,086 If you forgot to say thank you to someone for something seemingly small, make it 106 00:05:35,086 --> 00:05:37,186 a priority the next day to go and thank. 107 00:05:38,386 --> 00:05:41,176 Look for opportunities to say thank you. 108 00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:43,006 Go through your memories. 109 00:05:43,006 --> 00:05:45,736 Go back to thank people for what they did years ago. 110 00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:46,366 They're gonna look at you. 111 00:05:46,371 --> 00:05:48,286 Really weird, but it's cool. 112 00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:51,676 Go back and thank people that you haven't seen in years, like randomly call 'em. 113 00:05:51,676 --> 00:05:54,916 Hey, I know you don't remember this, but thank you. 114 00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:58,696 I was at a convenience store my junior year of high school, just 115 00:05:58,696 --> 00:05:59,836 getting a out and do a refill. 116 00:05:59,836 --> 00:06:04,426 My massive 64 ounce mug, which was so bad for me looking back, but, oh. 117 00:06:05,416 --> 00:06:08,746 And grabbing a grab bag of nacho cheese Doritos, cuz this was my custom, 118 00:06:08,746 --> 00:06:11,776 it's what I ate for lunch in high school, pretty much for two years. 119 00:06:13,036 --> 00:06:19,366 While I was there, the ambulance crew came in to get whatever they were 120 00:06:19,366 --> 00:06:20,716 getting right, snacks or whatever. 121 00:06:20,956 --> 00:06:23,986 But immediately my heart surged with gratitude. 122 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,066 I went over and thanked them. 123 00:06:25,366 --> 00:06:28,486 I'm pretty sure I actually hugged them without any context, which would explain 124 00:06:28,486 --> 00:06:30,016 the whole freaked outlook on their faces. 125 00:06:30,916 --> 00:06:32,896 They had no idea who I was. 126 00:06:33,556 --> 00:06:34,456 They didn't recognize. 127 00:06:35,086 --> 00:06:37,516 I hadn't seen them in two and a half years. 128 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:41,866 I remember the people who pulled me out of the car as I was fading 129 00:06:41,866 --> 00:06:43,156 in and out of consciousness. 130 00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:44,896 I was blessed. 131 00:06:44,901 --> 00:06:48,616 It wasn't a particularly bad wreck comparatively to what it could have been, 132 00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:53,866 but to a 15 year old that couldn't feel his legs in the moment or was struggling 133 00:06:53,866 --> 00:06:56,506 to stay conscious, it was terrifying. 134 00:06:57,766 --> 00:07:01,426 And I absolutely remember this incredible ambulance crew. 135 00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:05,626 As the people who pulled me out of that wreck, that was just terrifying to me. 136 00:07:05,986 --> 00:07:09,586 I was grateful not only for what they did, but for the chance to say thank you. 137 00:07:10,306 --> 00:07:14,116 Go out of your way to say thank you to anyone and everyone who's 138 00:07:14,121 --> 00:07:15,706 been kind or helpful to you. 139 00:07:16,216 --> 00:07:18,916 To everyone who treats you like a human with dignity and 140 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:21,466 respect, go say thank you. 141 00:07:21,976 --> 00:07:25,736 The more you practice gratitude, the easier it'll become for it to be at the 142 00:07:25,741 --> 00:07:28,186 forefront of your mind all of the time. 143 00:07:28,891 --> 00:07:33,181 And the more present you'll find it in your life and readily available for you. 144 00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:40,381 Number three, seek the lesson In every moment. 145 00:07:40,621 --> 00:07:42,121 There are possibilities. 146 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:43,711 There are multiple possibilities. 147 00:07:43,711 --> 00:07:48,301 In fact, when I talk to somebody about my coach coaching services, they could say, 148 00:07:48,481 --> 00:07:50,461 yeah, I'd love to love what work with you. 149 00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,191 They could also laugh in my face. 150 00:07:53,851 --> 00:07:56,911 They could ignore me totally and walk away, or they could take a fence 151 00:07:56,911 --> 00:08:01,261 that I would be offering to work with them because they're offended. 152 00:08:01,321 --> 00:08:05,401 I think they need help or that I thought they could use a hand. 153 00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:09,631 You could listen to the show and think it's a great episode and 154 00:08:09,631 --> 00:08:11,221 beneficial and will help you. 155 00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:13,951 Or you could decide that I'm a horrible source of any kind of 156 00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:16,111 information and never listen again. 157 00:08:17,341 --> 00:08:19,561 These are things I don't control. 158 00:08:20,851 --> 00:08:24,661 How a person responds to a situation, an offer, an opportunity, or an idea 159 00:08:24,661 --> 00:08:27,151 is their power and their choice. 160 00:08:27,571 --> 00:08:29,191 You control that in your life. 161 00:08:29,461 --> 00:08:32,671 You are absolutely in control of how you respond to things. 162 00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:38,581 What I take away from their response that's in my control. 163 00:08:39,631 --> 00:08:44,191 Now, I can analyze the moment and take away a lesson every single time. 164 00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:45,811 Let me say that. 165 00:08:47,146 --> 00:08:52,096 There is always a lesson to take away from any given situation if 166 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,476 you are willing to look for it. 167 00:08:55,876 --> 00:08:58,726 That person might not be ready to seek a coach. 168 00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:02,656 They might not have thought about seeking a coach before. 169 00:09:03,226 --> 00:09:05,626 It may have surprised them, and people usually react pretty 170 00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:06,886 badly when you surprise them. 171 00:09:07,696 --> 00:09:08,686 I'm not any better. 172 00:09:09,586 --> 00:09:13,126 I had a colleague surprise me with a suggestion the other 173 00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:14,986 day, and guys, it surprised me. 174 00:09:14,986 --> 00:09:15,646 What did I do? 175 00:09:15,646 --> 00:09:16,696 I retreated back. 176 00:09:16,696 --> 00:09:17,896 I kind of brushed him off. 177 00:09:18,226 --> 00:09:22,516 I actually had to send an email and apologize because I felt bad about it 178 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,246 because it was just a knee jerk reaction. 179 00:09:25,246 --> 00:09:30,316 I reacted badly to the surprise when I'm talking to someone. 180 00:09:30,316 --> 00:09:31,396 I could have presented it wrong. 181 00:09:31,906 --> 00:09:34,006 I might not be the right person to work with them. 182 00:09:34,456 --> 00:09:35,626 They might have never. 183 00:09:36,511 --> 00:09:39,091 Even conscious of the idea of having a coach. 184 00:09:39,571 --> 00:09:43,231 They might be concerned about the cost or the terms that come with 185 00:09:43,921 --> 00:09:47,611 the coaching package are just the whole concept could freak them out. 186 00:09:48,391 --> 00:09:52,711 I don't know that, but I can always examine the event. 187 00:09:53,491 --> 00:09:56,011 I can look what I could have done better because guess what? 188 00:09:56,341 --> 00:09:59,791 There is always something I could have done better. 189 00:10:01,141 --> 00:10:02,101 It might not have changed the. 190 00:10:03,571 --> 00:10:05,491 I always have room to improve and grow. 191 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:06,781 I know this for a fact. 192 00:10:07,951 --> 00:10:09,661 Doing this refines me. 193 00:10:10,351 --> 00:10:12,601 It doesn't condemn them or attack their choice. 194 00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:17,611 Instead, it helps me appreciate what I learned in the opportunity. 195 00:10:18,511 --> 00:10:21,421 So look for that opportunity. 196 00:10:21,661 --> 00:10:22,831 Seek that lesson. 197 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,081 In any situation, good, bad, uglier. 198 00:10:25,081 --> 00:10:28,261 Indifferent, guys, there was always a lesson to be had. 199 00:10:28,801 --> 00:10:30,541 If you're willing to dig and do the. 200 00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:35,386 We're gonna roll through our sponsor guys, and we will be right back with 201 00:10:35,566 --> 00:10:41,056 three more lessons that you can consider as you're looking at practicing gratitude 202 00:10:41,056 --> 00:10:43,216 and being thankful in the storm. 203 00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:44,446 How well do you sleep at night? 204 00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:47,116 Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? 205 00:10:47,626 --> 00:10:50,296 Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people 206 00:10:50,296 --> 00:10:51,616 fall short on in their life. 207 00:10:51,916 --> 00:10:54,796 The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control 208 00:10:54,796 --> 00:10:58,006 your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and 209 00:10:58,006 --> 00:10:59,566 your everyday job and life perform. 210 00:11:00,496 --> 00:11:04,396 If you're ready to move to the next level, then sleep has to be part of the plan. 211 00:11:05,056 --> 00:11:08,236 Check out our friends friends@ghostbed.com if you're ready to get your best sleep. 212 00:11:08,326 --> 00:11:09,226 I love my ghost bed. 213 00:11:09,226 --> 00:11:12,246 I've been sleeping on one for a couple years and it's made a 214 00:11:12,251 --> 00:11:13,516 huge difference in how I sleep. 215 00:11:13,846 --> 00:11:15,046 Hit ghost bed.com. 216 00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:18,796 Use the code, the Fallible man 30 to get 30% off your order and 217 00:11:18,796 --> 00:11:19,696 start getting better night's. 218 00:11:19,701 --> 00:11:20,866 Sleep tomorrow. 219 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,851 Now let's go on to the show. 220 00:11:23,941 --> 00:11:27,391 All right, guys, when we're back, we're here today talking about how to 221 00:11:27,841 --> 00:11:32,671 maintain that gratitude mindset and how to be grateful even difficult times. 222 00:11:33,001 --> 00:11:35,281 We already went through three, and if you miss those, you're coming in 223 00:11:35,281 --> 00:11:36,301 part of the way through the show. 224 00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:38,401 Go back, check those out. 225 00:11:38,761 --> 00:11:39,451 It's important. 226 00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:43,111 Make sure you get through those three as well. 227 00:11:43,681 --> 00:11:49,111 Number four, for your consideration, change the language, change the dialogue. 228 00:11:49,936 --> 00:11:51,466 Let's talk about this at two levels. 229 00:11:52,216 --> 00:11:55,156 How you talk to yourself and the words you use out loud have a 230 00:11:55,156 --> 00:11:57,376 significant impact on your attitude. 231 00:11:58,186 --> 00:12:01,876 So first, choose your words carefully because you are, 232 00:12:01,936 --> 00:12:03,046 you're gonna speak the truth. 233 00:12:04,036 --> 00:12:05,986 I'm not talking about manifesting things. 234 00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:07,456 I've seen that all over YouTube. 235 00:12:07,456 --> 00:12:08,506 That's become a really big thing. 236 00:12:08,506 --> 00:12:10,516 I don't know why, but Sure. 237 00:12:10,926 --> 00:12:11,046 Whatever. 238 00:12:11,051 --> 00:12:11,686 Not my thing. 239 00:12:12,046 --> 00:12:12,796 No judgements. 240 00:12:12,796 --> 00:12:16,066 I just, I don't put much sock in it, but that's not what we're talking. 241 00:12:17,146 --> 00:12:20,356 What you believe will come out of your heart and through your mouth. 242 00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:25,696 So pick your words carefully and choose how you frame things in 243 00:12:25,976 --> 00:12:30,796 the language you use in a positive way, even at a negative time. 244 00:12:32,206 --> 00:12:35,209 If you start saying out loud, you're going to start to believe it. 245 00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,199 It's just the way it works. 246 00:12:36,439 --> 00:12:40,579 If it's coming out of your mouth, you're going to start believing yourself. 247 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,929 So you may have some concerns or stresses. 248 00:12:45,469 --> 00:12:48,079 It may be a really difficult time, and that can be coming 249 00:12:48,079 --> 00:12:49,699 out in the words you're using. 250 00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:52,729 So think carefully about the words. 251 00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:54,649 You're uttering out loud and reframe it. 252 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:58,099 Just like if you're trying to sell something or if you're talking to 253 00:12:58,099 --> 00:13:02,509 someone else, reframe the words you're using and use a positive spin 254 00:13:02,514 --> 00:13:04,249 on it as opposed to a negative spin. 255 00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:07,099 Second is your internal dialogue. 256 00:13:07,819 --> 00:13:10,989 Your internal dialogue is so indicative of your heart and your attitude. 257 00:13:10,994 --> 00:13:11,059 It's. 258 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:15,844 How you talk to yourself in your own internal dialogues says a lot about 259 00:13:15,844 --> 00:13:17,104 your mental and emotional state. 260 00:13:17,434 --> 00:13:19,414 So don't beat yourself up. 261 00:13:20,464 --> 00:13:21,634 You don't deserve that. 262 00:13:21,664 --> 00:13:23,344 You shouldn't treat yourself that way. 263 00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:27,364 Treat yourself how the person who loves you more than any other 264 00:13:27,369 --> 00:13:29,284 in the world would treat you. 265 00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:32,734 Now, what's this have to do with gratitude? 266 00:13:32,944 --> 00:13:34,864 Well, you have to change the language. 267 00:13:35,374 --> 00:13:37,054 It's hard to be grateful. 268 00:13:38,014 --> 00:13:40,714 It's hard to maintain that gratitude mindset. 269 00:13:41,764 --> 00:13:45,184 When negative language is coming out of your mouth, when negative 270 00:13:45,184 --> 00:13:48,934 thoughts are running through your head, you all know what it's like to 271 00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:50,764 have that negativity in your skull. 272 00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:55,054 As it comes outta your mouth, your brain starts to believe it. 273 00:13:56,914 --> 00:14:01,804 So if you wanna maintain gratitude and a gratitude mindset, even in 274 00:14:01,804 --> 00:14:05,044 the difficult times, you have to be careful about the wording you 275 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,354 are using and change that dialogue. 276 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,144 Otherwise, you're setting yourself up to fail. 277 00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:13,984 Number five, gentlemen serve others. 278 00:14:14,944 --> 00:14:16,594 What does this have to do with graduate? 279 00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:20,744 Wait, graduate ? What does this have to do with gratitude and hard times? 280 00:14:20,744 --> 00:14:27,347 If you focus on other people, it is easier to see the positive side of life turn 281 00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:29,737 outward instead of retreating inward. 282 00:14:30,797 --> 00:14:34,337 It's hard to be negative when you put other people's needs above your. 283 00:14:35,762 --> 00:14:39,422 I recently ran audio for a memorial service for a lovely woman that passed. 284 00:14:39,422 --> 00:14:40,112 An older woman. 285 00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:44,072 It was everything you hope your memorial service will be. 286 00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:49,712 Gentlemen, tons of family came and they loved on each other. 287 00:14:49,982 --> 00:14:52,772 Tons of friends came and they loved on the family. 288 00:14:53,162 --> 00:14:54,212 It was beautiful. 289 00:14:54,212 --> 00:14:55,472 They shared memories. 290 00:14:55,472 --> 00:14:56,942 They laughed, they cried. 291 00:14:56,972 --> 00:14:59,492 It was a truly great memorial service. 292 00:15:01,322 --> 00:15:04,232 Like I said, it's what you hope your memorial service will be like. 293 00:15:04,232 --> 00:15:05,612 Honestly, I've been through a lot of them. 294 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:12,692 What I didn't know until later that day is the woman who had come to play the 295 00:15:12,692 --> 00:15:18,302 piano for the services had just lost her mom a few days before this service. 296 00:15:19,562 --> 00:15:23,072 Now, anyone would've understood a short notice bow out in 297 00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:24,272 this circumstance, right? 298 00:15:24,962 --> 00:15:26,822 She just lost her mom. 299 00:15:28,952 --> 00:15:31,082 Going and playing someone else's memorial service. 300 00:15:31,832 --> 00:15:37,262 I can only imagine what an emotional trial that was with the pain and difficulty 301 00:15:37,262 --> 00:15:38,552 she was already struggling with. 302 00:15:39,512 --> 00:15:42,542 But she served this family because A, she said she would, 303 00:15:42,812 --> 00:15:44,192 and she's a woman of her word. 304 00:15:44,822 --> 00:15:48,122 I know her decently and we're not real close, but I know her pretty well, 305 00:15:48,122 --> 00:15:49,682 and I know she's a woman of her word. 306 00:15:50,762 --> 00:15:54,752 She also did it because serving them, she was tending to her own heart 307 00:15:54,812 --> 00:15:57,452 at the same time as she was hurt. 308 00:15:58,142 --> 00:16:04,502 Serving another group who is in need, who is also hurting that they could sympathize 309 00:16:04,502 --> 00:16:12,452 with, was a way to tend to their her own heart, because it's easier to be grateful 310 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:18,302 even in difficult time when you're focused on serving and helping other people. 311 00:16:18,872 --> 00:16:20,042 It's a great thing to do. 312 00:16:21,842 --> 00:16:22,652 Number six. 313 00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:26,642 Now this list absolutely wouldn't be complete if I left this. 314 00:16:27,947 --> 00:16:29,477 Don't check on out on me. 315 00:16:29,747 --> 00:16:35,537 You don't have to be a believer, but faith is crucial. 316 00:16:36,107 --> 00:16:38,057 Now, I'm a Christian and I try and live as one. 317 00:16:38,387 --> 00:16:40,157 You don't have to believe because I do. 318 00:16:40,187 --> 00:16:43,907 But I will say this is a highly effective way to maintain 319 00:16:43,912 --> 00:16:45,887 gratitude in difficult times. 320 00:16:47,477 --> 00:16:48,737 Like I said, don't check out on me. 321 00:16:48,737 --> 00:16:50,669 You don't have to go to church just because I said 322 00:16:50,669 --> 00:16:52,079 that faith is a good answer. 323 00:16:52,109 --> 00:16:54,299 You got five more in this list that are great. 324 00:16:55,799 --> 00:17:00,419 I promise you this has a compounding effect, guys from wrestling with 325 00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:03,569 suicide when I was younger to laying in a hospital watering if I would 326 00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:08,999 ever walk again from job loss and marital issues that we've gone through. 327 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:13,439 Having faith in someone bigger than me has always kept me in a 328 00:17:13,439 --> 00:17:18,629 grateful and positive disposition and some really dark hours of my. 329 00:17:20,069 --> 00:17:23,729 Much like my father holding my hand on the sun deck as that tornado just 330 00:17:23,729 --> 00:17:28,289 shredded, a church building in front of me holding onto my faith has 331 00:17:28,294 --> 00:17:30,869 still me through a lot of things. 332 00:17:32,249 --> 00:17:35,634 There's a song by a Christian band the band's called Casting Crowns. 333 00:17:35,904 --> 00:17:38,244 The song's called, I Will Praise You In the Storm. 334 00:17:38,604 --> 00:17:39,834 It's Got these lyrics. 335 00:17:41,004 --> 00:17:44,544 I was sure by now that you would have reached down and wiped out 336 00:17:44,604 --> 00:17:46,644 our, and wiped our tears away. 337 00:17:47,094 --> 00:17:48,474 Stepped in and saved the day. 338 00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:52,554 But once again, I say amen and it's still raining. 339 00:17:54,054 --> 00:17:58,704 Believing in something more than yourself, believing in something 340 00:17:58,704 --> 00:18:02,934 bigger will help you a great deal in the gratitude department. 341 00:18:03,234 --> 00:18:05,754 And since we're talking about gratitude, I couldn't leave that out 342 00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:10,164 of this discussion because guys, it's an anchor point for me in my life. 343 00:18:10,194 --> 00:18:13,344 It may not be for you, but for me, it. 344 00:18:14,889 --> 00:18:19,059 It's not easy to have an attitude of gratitude, and I did not 345 00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:20,499 purposely try to rhyme that. 346 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:21,369 It just kind of happened. 347 00:18:21,369 --> 00:18:22,149 Sorry about that. 348 00:18:23,199 --> 00:18:28,029 Maintaining that gratitude mindset even in hard times can seem almost impossible. 349 00:18:29,259 --> 00:18:34,299 I promise these six things will make an incredible difference in 350 00:18:34,299 --> 00:18:36,099 maintaining that gratitude mindset. 351 00:18:36,939 --> 00:18:39,789 Write down the things you're grateful for, serious. 352 00:18:40,389 --> 00:18:41,709 Take five minutes. 353 00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:44,709 At the end of your day, write down three things you're grateful for. 354 00:18:45,279 --> 00:18:51,039 I was incredibly impressed at the impact that had on me as I was 355 00:18:51,039 --> 00:18:52,719 trying that out several years ago. 356 00:18:54,069 --> 00:18:55,389 Make gratitude a habit. 357 00:18:55,779 --> 00:18:59,529 If you are just constantly in the habit of being grateful and expressing 358 00:18:59,559 --> 00:19:04,749 your gratitude to other people, it's amazing how it shifts your mindset. 359 00:19:05,949 --> 00:19:07,299 Seek out the lesson. 360 00:19:07,959 --> 00:19:11,769 In every situation because there always is one, it's always 361 00:19:11,769 --> 00:19:13,749 there and may be hard to find. 362 00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:16,629 It actually can become a really great game trying to find the lesson. 363 00:19:16,629 --> 00:19:18,549 But in everything, there is a lesson. 364 00:19:19,719 --> 00:19:21,699 Change the language and change the dialogue. 365 00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,779 Change the way you talk to yourself. 366 00:19:26,079 --> 00:19:30,399 Change the words you use out loud because you're programming your brain to 367 00:19:30,399 --> 00:19:34,869 believe the things that are coming out of your mouth when you find that lesson. 368 00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:37,524 Above in the first, in the third point. 369 00:19:38,274 --> 00:19:40,674 You can be grateful for that lesson because it can improve 370 00:19:40,674 --> 00:19:44,934 your life, serve others. 371 00:19:44,994 --> 00:19:51,684 It is so much easier to have a heart and head filled with gratitude and live 372 00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:56,814 in a state of a gratitude mindset when you're focused on helping other people. 373 00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:02,184 And if you believe in something, your faith can help you in Tremendous. 374 00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:06,744 Guys, it is the gratitude season and like I said, there are a lot of people 375 00:20:06,744 --> 00:20:08,424 who are gonna be struggling this season. 376 00:20:09,144 --> 00:20:11,934 Maybe this helped you, maybe it didn't. 377 00:20:11,994 --> 00:20:15,024 Maybe you know somebody that this discussion will help. 378 00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:21,114 Please share this with them guys, if you are struggling and need a little help 379 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:24,014 right now, I'm taking clients right now. 380 00:20:24,464 --> 00:20:27,294 Go to my website, www dot fallible man dot. 381 00:20:28,014 --> 00:20:29,484 And set up a coaching call. 382 00:20:29,754 --> 00:20:33,354 If you wanna work with me, let me help you as you navigate some issues in 383 00:20:33,354 --> 00:20:36,744 your life cuz we all need help at times and there's nothing wrong with that. 384 00:20:38,424 --> 00:20:42,114 Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I hope and pray you can be wherever 385 00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:43,344 you wanna be this Thanksgiving. 386 00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:47,274 And if you can't know your family here at Fall, the nation loves 387 00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,314 you and we appreciate who you are. 388 00:20:50,394 --> 00:20:51,714 Have happy Thanksgiving. 389 00:20:51,714 --> 00:20:51,924 Be. 390 00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:55,479 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one. 391 00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:58,359 This has been the Fable Man Podcast. 392 00:20:58,959 --> 00:21:02,319 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 393 00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:05,379 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 394 00:21:06,249 --> 00:21:12,579 Head over to www.thefableman.com for more content and get 395 00:21:12,579 --> 00:21:14,109 your own fallible man gear.