Unplugging for Personal Development: The Men In Real Life December Challenge

Unplugging for Personal Development: The Men In Real Life December Challenge

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] What if everything you've been told about staying connected online is a lie? That all this connected technology is actually making you less human? Could this constant need to be plugged in actually be ruining your life? Well, if you're spending more time in the digital world than the real world, It's time for a wake up call.

Here's the bold truth. We're raising a generation of men who are more comfortable behind the screens than living in real life. Let's talk about the real cost of living a digital life and why stepping away from your devices may be the most revolutionary and important thing you'll do this year. Our digital life was compounded during the events of 2020.

In the following year, we were just pushed apart as a society. We just stopped connecting because we weren't allowed to. And then we found out. We could learn to be content or satisfied living in a mostly digital community world. Men are actually more prone to escape to the digital [00:01:00] world when they feel a lack of accomplishment in their daily lives.

When they're punching the clock at the job they hate or are uninspired by or just don't feel appreciated or they've been doing it for a long time and it's just monotonous. And that goes against the very nature of a man. To feel that way, to have that dissatisfaction, it just goes against everything that's natural for us or instinctual.

So we're settling for fake accomplishments or watching other people's highlights reels. For a quick dopamine hit, whether that's scrolling through social media feeds or online gaming or any number of online activities, we become addicts. And we've stopped connecting in real life. Thanksgiving is actually largely important to us, partially because it's one of the few times a year that most people actually spend real face time with other people [00:02:00] anymore, and our souls are longing for it.

Now, let me be really clear. If you go to the office every day, or you go to a place every day where you're interacting with your coworkers, you're actually probably on cruise control, at least the majority of you. Just because you see them doesn't mean you're actually interacting in real life. You're interacting in your work world and it's something you do every day and it's really kind of like a simulation more than actual acting in real life.

So it's time to buck the trend and stop living on online world or in your own head because that's where a lot of us retreat to with that online world. And engage in real life. By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the fallow man podcast, where we dive into everything about being a better man, husband, and father.

Now, guys, I'm a big bang theory guy. I love the series. I've always loved the series. Uh, I started watching it years ago. Now I try and catch reruns and stuff like that. I bought several seasons when it was out. [00:03:00] And in one episode, Leonard, who's one of the main characters, if you're not a big bang person, is bonding with his girlfriend's dad.

Now, this series is a bunch of nerds, right? That's what we would call them. A bunch of high IQ IT guys who work in like physics and stuff like that. And the outside world's already a struggle for them because they don't fit society. They're the nerds that we all made fun of or that we were. But he's bonding with his girlfriend's dad, who is in his 50s, probably.

Plain we fishing on their couch. Yeah. You guys remember the, we shout out in the comments. If you're old enough that you played, we, I don't know, is even still around. I think Nintendo replaced it, but he's playing. We fishing. Now, all of us watching the show, we laugh, right? Because it's actually as close to going fishing as Leonard is probably ever going to get, but sadly is as close to fishing as some men will ever get.

Not exactly the high point of male bonding [00:04:00] now. Don't get me wrong. I couldn't care less if you've never fished I hate fishing. I utterly hate fishing, but I go regularly I hate it, but I take my daughter because she loves it and I love to do things with her So I go fishing with her and when I'm out fishing with her, I do try and fish I'm not a good fisherman, but I try because she enjoys being out there and I enjoy doing things with her The point is in the show, they were illustrated.

We've replaced really experiences with digital ones that keep us in a comfort zone, we've gotten comfortable taking, talking to Siri, to Alexa, even to chat GPT, zoom calls, social media, on demand programming, programming, every part of our daily lives. I mean, Really? I understand. It's easy. I live in a digital world because I work in digital marketing.

I'm on social media for my podcasts and for this, well, recording my podcasts, [00:05:00] obviously. Right? So I understand how easy it is to get comfortable. I'm actually surrounded by screens, probably 12 to 14 hours a day. And we get used to this technology and it's just really easy and really convenient. And for a lot of guys, it's really easy just to zone into that because we can touch the world through a screen where in our real lives, maybe we can't do that.

We don't have that ability. However, humans, real humans are meant to interact with the world and each other around them. Well, for the last year, I've been doing an experiments. I've been prioritizing real life over anything to do with the screen. Now, obviously I haven't gone digital free. Like I said, I'm a podcaster.

I work in digital marketing. I frequently spend 12 hours a day in my studio in front of screens, just like I am now in one form or another, either recording a podcast or, uh, guessing on a podcast are doing digital marketing for clients. [00:06:00] I posted the obligatory Thanksgiving post, I think 47 times yesterday for different clients.

I spent a lot of time online. I'm not saying I've walked away from that. I'm not telling you, you need to walk away from the digital world entirely. Let's not be ridiculous. What I have been doing is being intentional about doing things face to face and outside of my home, real interaction, real world adventures, real life.

This Thanksgiving, that was actually at the top of my gratitude list, because when I think about the last year, these are the moments that have mattered the most to me and have been the most memorable for me. Now I'll give you some examples. And because I'm not asking you to jump into some radical wild thing.

Okay. So I have a regular weekly Bible study that I go to, we do it at a coffee shop. I have a weekly game night with some male friends of mine [00:07:00] and we get together and play various board games and stuff like that. I have two monthly men's breakfasts I go to at different churches. I try and take my daughters on adventures like hiking and fishing.

It's getting a little cold here so it's harder to do those things. But since we homeschool them, I try and make that part of their PE and do events like that. I'm also trying to get back in the habit of regular walks. Like I said, it's getting cold here, so that kind of discourages me from doing that. But during the warm part of the year, from spring through fall, generally I get up and walk four or five days a week in the early mornings.

A lot of times I do that with my daughter. Real life experiences, right? I love going for walks with my daughter because we communicate and have Walk two or three miles and just have great conversations. I said yes to a mission trip with my church. I don't actually like to travel. I'm a homebody. I don't like to travel.

I certainly don't like being on a plane for 20 hours to go to where they want to go. But I said yes because I wanted to get out and connect with people and do things. [00:08:00] In real life, I have a laptop. So when I am stuck in the digital world, I can get out of my studio sometimes and go work at a coffee shop or on my back porch and get us some fresh hair.

If you've been around the show for a while, you know, I have a dedicated father daughter night with my children. Now, none of this is like just wild, crazy, raging twenties party kind of crap. I know. In fact, my list is pretty tame, but in the last year, I've been I've tried to put in real connections, real life stuff, things you can do on a regular basis for anybody, whether you're 20 or 40 or 60, these are all things that you can do practically without a more absorbent amount of money invested.

These are the things you can practically do to get real life interaction and live in the real world, as opposed to behind a screen, these connections are the times I look [00:09:00] forward to the most of my week. And what I'm most grateful for. And find most rewarding in my life. Another example is while I was writing this, my brother in law called.

We talked for two and a half hours. If you follow the show regularly, I normally release the podcast at 4 a. m. It is now 1 16 PM my time. So I am way, way behind. I'm officially seven hours off my mark. I've been doing this for five years and I'm still seven hours off my mark for the first time in years. I stopped working because I haven't talked to my brother in law in probably a month or two.

And talk to my brother in law and just engaged in that phone conversation. Yes, we were on a screen. We live several hours apart. We don't get to see each other very often. And so that was my chance to connect with him in real life to actually just focus on him and talk to him. And then I got back to work because I'm saying yes to real world, real life experiences, instead of being in the digital, [00:10:00] guess what I'm working on increasing in my life in 2025.

After a year long experiment of. Saying yes to real life and trying to opt for real life over digital things. Guess what? I'm going to increase in 2025 real life because real life is a lot better. And with hindsight of a year of doing it. That's what I'm appreciating the most right now. So I've got a challenge for you because I don't actually expect you to take my word for it.

I'm not some internet guru. I'm not, you know, the Dolly Lama junior 3. 0, or I don't have all the answers. I've never pretended to have all the answers, gentlemen. I'm challenging you to try this out for a month. So I put together a little challenge for you. Now, here it is. I dare you to play my little game in the month of December.

People tend to change up their routine, routine some anyway, and lean in [00:11:00] towards real life events, because we're in that holiday jump from Thanksgiving to the new year's where we spend more time with family. So it's actually a really convenient time to take this challenge. And I'm going to have all the details on my website if you're interested in this, but I'm going to run through it and then you can check later if you want to do this.

So here are the conditions and rules of the challenge. And this is the IRL challenge. You, you may not be used to that. I see that one of my favorite, uh, news shows actually is, uh, Tim cast IRL and it's a live show and I just really liked the IRL. So we're going to call this the men in real life, uh, men, IRL December challenge.

Okay. For the month of December, number one, whenever possible, eat with someone else without a device or a screen. Now that can be breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, drinks, whatever. I encourage family meals around the table if at all possible. [00:12:00] I think that's healthy for families, but this includes coworkers, friends, buddies, no phones on the table ever.

No taking messages or calls at the table, but actually whenever possible eat with someone else. Number two, if given the option to do something with someone or stay home alone or by yourself or whatever, do something with somebody. Say yes to that. Say off your device while you're together. That's number two.

Number three, choose to do overwatch or inaction. You're meant to be a participant in life, not a spectator. So stop watching other people's lives on whatever platform you prefer. Tick tock. Instagram, YouTube, wherever. Stop watching other people's lives and go do something that's worth posting to your own.

If you absolutely have to share on those ridiculous [00:13:00] platforms, okay. Choose to do overwatch or an action. Stop being satisfied, scrolling through everybody else's highlight moments. And go live some moments that are worth posting. Number four, be intentional about setting up or choosing and or choosing two outside events a week per month to events.

Yeah, it's a lot, right? Be intentional about choosing two outside events or setting up your own two outside events every week for the month of December. If you're a family person. Then do one with your family and one with your friends, because I think it's important that you connect with friends, not just your families.

If you're single, do it with family. If you've got family in the area or just do it with your friends, do it with your coworkers, but be intentional about choosing two outside events a week. That can be any number of things, gentlemen. That doesn't have to be a certain, right? You can go have coffee with people.

[00:14:00] That's an outside event. Easy enough, right? Number five, listen to four real stories face to face over the month of December. Today is most notably black Friday. That's what everybody knows it on, right? Shopping green today is black Friday. I wish they put some of those black Friday sales at the grocery store, as opposed to.

I don't need another TV. I could use some more groceries though, right? Everybody could use their grocery prices coming down about now. But, more importantly than Black Friday, today is actually National Listening Day. Whether you knew it or not, this is a real thing. So, here is part of this challenge. Find one person a week, in your life, that you would really like to learn more about and get closer to.

Sit down with them face to face and listen to their story. Don't interrupt when you do interject, ask open ended questions, wait to formulate your next question until they're done talking, like hear what they're saying. [00:15:00] Practice good listening and don't rush it. Like set aside some time listening to someone's story can take a couple hours.

So. Now, the good thing is you can actually count this as part of one, or sorry, as part of two or four. So let me look back at my list. Yeah. Two, three, or four, right? So this actually fits into the rest of the challenge. So listen, sit down with one person a week and really listen. If you found out you love this step, which I think you probably will be sure to check out my friend, David's podcast, the remarkable people podcast.

To get really great stories of everyday people telling their stories. It's a great show. I love it. So experience it for yourself. Face to face. David is the digital answer. If you really enjoy it and you run out of people to talk to face to face for people in the month of December, you got four weeks, it should be easy.

Number six, host [00:16:00] one, to get together. It doesn't even have to be at your house and the whole month of December. And for God's sake, it doesn't have to be a Christmas party, but get together one small event. It doesn't have to be a bazillion people get together a group of five or 10 friends. My wife and I actually used to host all our friends at our house once a week, every week.

And that kind of changed and moved on as time went on, but it doesn't have to be a big Christmas party. It doesn't have to be a big to do. Post one, get together at a coffee shop or at your house. If you're comfortable doing that, but host one, actually. Number seven, spend 30 minutes every day in fresh air without a device.

Now, this may be hard for you, depending on where you live. It is just almost December 1st and it gets cold in parts of this country. And there's snow on parts of this country. Get fresh air without a device. 30 minutes of fresh air every day will absolutely change your life [00:17:00] by itself. Just saying. And number eight, limit screen time within reason whenever possible.

If you have the option to read a book as opposed to watch a TV show, read a book. If you have. Options to sit and have a conversation, sit and have a conversation and turn off the devices. One of my best friends came out for Thanksgiving yesterday. After we finished dinner, we sat around and talked for two and a half hours.

It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. No screens involved. And we're both tech guys, no screens involved. I sat around with my wife and my mom and my kids and my best friend. We talked for two hours. It was amazing. So limit your screen time, whatever possible. Now, these are eight guidelines to chart your course through December.

Give it one month. Just, just try it one month. It's already the month that it makes the most sense for most people anyway. So give it one month, see what you experience and how you feel about it. [00:18:00] See if I'm a crackpot. Maybe I'm crazy. See if I'm actually onto something. Maybe I am. Some of these things are varying counterintuitive counterintuitive for some of us.

I actually have to work at being social. That's not. A natural inclination for me this year has pushed my level of comfort, which I always think is a good thing anyways, but it's pushed my level of comfort because I'm not a particularly social person. So some of these things are going to be a little more uncomfortable if you have 30 minutes a day of air outside air for some of you, that's going to be really difficult.

I understand that. Give this a try. I think you're going to have an interesting experience. Here's my hypothesis about how this goes. You're going to find out that being plugged in actually may be ruining your life. You're going to find out that doing, engaging in or acting with life is far more satisfying and rewarding.[00:19:00] 

That living life is far superior to observing life or worse, just existing. And once you try it, you're not going to want to go back. You may drop one or two things, but once you try it, I don't think you're ever going to go back. Now it wouldn't be a properly manly challenge if I didn't say it. So. In the spirit of a proper manly challenge.

Here it is. I double dog dare you to take the December men in real life challenge are your chicken. No, it's kidding. I just double dog. Dare you to take this challenge, guys. I think you're absolutely going to find that it will change your life radically in an amazing way. You'll find the guidelines on www.

thefallhomeman. com slash blog. I may even move it to the front page. We'll see, but you can find those here, or you can listen to this again. Hey, there's always that are the video. You can pause it and write it down, whatever you want to do, but [00:20:00] I'm going to put it up where you can find it. I double dog tear you to try guys.

And it's always be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see on the next one. This has been the fellow man podcast. You're home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www. TheFallibleMan. com for more content and get your own Fallible Man gear.