From a Dream to Building a Reality in America | Mathilde Bernard Funderburk

[Matt Gilhooly]
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the live Shift Podcast. This is an exciting one, guys. It may sound a little bit different because this is technically the first recording for season two of the Live Shift podcast. And I am just so grateful that all of you have been listening. This would be episode 33 now. So as you know, I'm way ahead of recording. I've said it a couple of times. So we're recording this on a very special day, way ahead of release. So when you're listening to this, it's already happened a long time ago. But today is September 1, 2022, and it's actually the anniversary of my first major life shift. It's really kind of the birth of this podcast. 33 years ago today. My mom died in an accident and that shifted my life completely. Like, I am pretty sure 100% a different person than I would have been had she survived. So I think it's really special and it marks the first episode of season two. So I am here with my friend Matilde. We're going to get into her story and do our normal stuff, but I just wanted to just say thank you and let you know why this may sound a little different and just share a little bit about the impetus of this podcast. So I have my mom to thank. And funny enough, I just thought about this. I launched the podcast the week of her birthday, so it's kind of like this little special place. So I appreciate you being here. But Matilde, thank you for being a part of this.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I'm so excited you are joining us. Where you're in New York City and we'll get to why you're there at some point in our conversation, right? Is that where you are?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I'm in South Carolina.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Oh, you moved.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I was in New York yesterday. Yeah. It's really hard to keep up with me. I know that my clients always say that. It's like, where are you right now?

[Matt Gilhooly]
To be fair, I just went on a TikTok rabbit hole and watched all of Matilda's TikTok. I think I watched all of them.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Oh, my God.

[Matt Gilhooly]
You're welcome.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, you're welcome. Well, at least I've got one extra view for each of them, so that's pretty good.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Exactly. So we met on LinkedIn and I've been really enjoying LinkedIn lately. I've just really started the last couple of months really engaging. Have you been around a while on the LinkedIn space?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I was going to say the same. I would just love LinkedIn. So I've been there since end of March and writing really every day and connecting with a lot of people. And now I meet like four to five people every week from LinkedIn, which is awesome. It's just so great. So, yeah, just like you, I've been really enjoying LinkedIn and it's really awesome. People, you're an example.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Don't judge it yet. You don't know. So we met on this kind of social activity that LinkedIn likes to have on Saturdays, and you just kind of introduce yourself and connect. And funny story is that Matilda and I were in the same place, ten days apart, on the other side of the world.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I know, it's crazy. So we were at the elephant sanctuary in Chiang Mai, which is right outside of Chiang Mai in Thailand. And you were there. I don't remember the dates exactly, but I think you were like May 14 or something like that. I was there on May 24, and it was like ten days apart. And so I remember when you were LinkedIn, you sent a picture in the comments and I was like, oh my God, but I've been there. And then you said the year and the date, and I was like, oh, that's crazy. So, yeah, that was quite a coincidence.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I just remember you're like, oh yeah, we wore these strange outfits and we got in the mud with the elephants and fed them all sorts of stuff. That was a great experience. It was beautiful. I went to Thailand with my episode four guests, Adrian. And funny story is that we took a class in college together, maybe 15 years prior to that, and we hadn't seen each other since, and we weren't really friends.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
That's incredible.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Good friends. And I needed someone to go on a trip with, and so I put it on Facebook and she's like, sure, you want to go for two weeks? Sure, let's go. And so we went over to the other side of the world.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
That's another life shift.

[Matt Gilhooly]
It was amazing. And I'm glad you got that experience because I'll never forget going and hanging out with the elephants and just checking out Chiang Mai. And we went to Phuket and we went to Bangkok as well.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I can't wait to go back. I can't wait to get there.

[Matt Gilhooly]
To get on that 30 hours flight over.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
No.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Alright, so let's get into you. You have a story that is super inspiring. I think it's where a lot of people in 2022 would maybe would like to emulate in some sort or try to create a life like you've created for yourself. And naturally, our lives take these directions based on decisions we make or shifts. Right. Like my mom dying, my life totally went in a different direction. And so before we talk about your major shift, maybe you can give us an idea of what life was like before that kind of paint the picture of who you were.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yes. And also the life in France, because I feel like a lot of people that listen to that, you don't really realize what life in France is. It's very different than us. So, yeah, I guess I have great parents. I grew up in a family very much loved, so I don't have to say anything about this. I don't have any trauma or anything. Like this. But one weird thing about me growing up in France was I was really attached to the United States. It's very strange, but I don't know if it's the culture, the fact that we have so much access to the American culture by movies and TV shows and trust me, it's like everywhere in France people are like, oh my God. It's like, oh, you guys celebrate Thanksgiving. Like we don't know what it is. Everyone is so amazed by the US. So I guess part of me was also kind of in this whole Senate of the US. For sure. But there was something else. And so when I was eleven years old, I was trying to talk to my parents, saying like, oh yeah, I'll probably move to the United States. And my dad's like, where does that come from? You love it. You don't know anything about life. But it was really funny because my whole teenage years was about thinking about the United States a lot about New York. I was watching Friends, I was like a huge fan of the show and this whole kind of atmosphere that I grew up in, so very, I would say life that was very peaceful would say. But the one thing that I think really played a part in what happened after was that I lost my best friend when I was 15 years old. My best friend, he had cancer, and I really thought he would make it through, to be honest. You grew up, especially as a kid, you're 15 years old, you don't really understand death. Part of me was just like, you'll be there forever, it's just you're sick. And so when he died, it was one of the shifts actually in my life.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, you didn't even tell me about this one.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I might have mentioned that it was also on my LinkedIn, but it was kind of a shift because at 15 years old and I was talking a lot of the United States with him, he was watching Friends with me. It was kind of our little tradition, especially when he was going through tough time to be at home. And so part of this, I was like, wow, someone that I love so much is not here anymore. And he wanted to go to New York and he wanted to go to the United States. And I still feel like that sometimes where I need to live this life for him. I need to go through these things that he could and never have done because he died at 15 years old. It kind of helped me through my grief, to be honest, because I was energized by being like, okay, I want to do these dreams, and there's someone that could not do it, it could not make them happen. So I need to do it for him. It has to be kind of a way that it would leave through me. Basically, that was life before, and then after that, I went to high school. And in high school, I was starting to bothering more my parents about, hey, now I'm an adult. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm 17 years old, mom, I can definitely move to.

[Matt Gilhooly]
New York, no big deal.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, exactly, I can move to New York. Right? But you guys have the money for that. So actually we're laughing about that. But that's kind of what happened, is, like, at 17, I asked my parents if I could do an English program, which actually was great also for school. So it was a perfect way to.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Be like, hey, was it like a study abroad type thing?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, it was really like a summer program. So it's like for three weeks. It was three weeks during summer, during basically well, high school works differently than the US. But it was before my last year of high school. So I was asking my mom, especially my mom, because my dad was like, I don't know, leaving my daughter, 17 years old, going to New York, I don't know about that. But my mom was like, yeah, you need to dream. You need to be your trip. And she's very much like that. So I was like, mom, please. That will be my Christmas gift, my birthday gift for the next five years. I don't care. But yeah. So I left. I was 17 years old, left for the summer program, and that was my first time in the United States, arrived in New York, and I always remember that I arrived there and waiting for ever in the immigration line and then get out there and use a payphone to call my parents to tell so.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Now you're dating yourself.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, so I'm like, taking the pay phone, and I'm like, all right, I need to call my parents. All right, call my parents. It's 02:00 a.m In France, and my parents okay, you're sure you're okay? You're fine? I'm like, yeah, I'm just waiting for the cab to come pick me up. And I was going to host family, which my parents were a little bit more reassured about that, but it was all the way to Brooklyn, and I was in New York, which is like, you have to cross the entire city before you get there. But we're on the phone and they're reassured and it's okay. But fun fact is, when I came back and probably months after, I never knew that, but my parents were actually crying, and they were so scared because they didn't hear from me because it took so long. And the immigration, I never knew that until, like, months later. My mom was like, well, we just want to tell you that we're very happy to do this, but our nerves were probably killing us there. I was like, what? You guys felt so reassured. And I'm like, that's the beauty of parents, like, being able to take so much on yourself. Like, that.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I was like, wow, when you came over here for that first time, what's the percentage that it matched what you thought New York or America would be like? Because I feel like Americans watch things in France and Paris, and we're like you imagine it, and then you talk to people that live in Paris, and you're like, well, certain parts of Paris look like that.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, certain parts. The one that you can afford. And if you watch Emily in Paris, everyone is asking me about that.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Everyone lives at the Eiffel Tower.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, exactly. Everyone lives there's a French chef that is beautiful, like, two floor down, and it has a beautiful restaurant that you never pay for when you get there.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah. How did america fit?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I would say very closely to what I was picturing. The only thing, I think that was a bit of a cultural shock for me was, oh, it's a big city, so it's actually like a subway, and it stinks, and there is trash, and there's crazy people on the street, which is still the case, by the way. Still like that. So I think for me, it was kind of there's a part of New York that you don't see, of course, in movies, unless you watch, like, Law and Order. Right. But otherwise, I feel like it was very yeah, I was really much in my mind of the French cast, and everyone has big apartments and living Greenwich Village. It was a little bit of a cultural shock, for sure.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah. It's always interesting to me because you talk to a lot of people that have moved to the United States from somewhere else, and there's the American dream, or, like, you have this picture in your head. Imagine if you had moved to, like, Kansas. It probably would have been a little different for you.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I have another story for you. I lived for six months in Missouri, if you don't know. Okay, it's coming later for the next shift.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah. You got your taste of America. You went back. Was it solidified that you definitely needed to come back? Was that in your head? Like, you had to oh, yeah.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
So when I arrived in New York, 17 year old I mean, what do you know at 17? It's not but when I arrived in New York, the energy, the people, and I met some amazing people. One of my closest friends was my bridesmaid and my wedding. I met her during this trip when we're 17. So I have such a strong memory of also New York in this way. And so, yeah, the energy of New York. I was in love. I definitely fell in love. And I was like, okay, I want more. I want more. I want a career. I want life. And people were like, oh, poor you. It's going to be so tough. The visa impossible. Everyone was telling me that the visa are impossible. You're never going to make it. Making New York is so tough. Everyone was telling me this. Either it was on the French side or even Americans were like, it's going to be really tough, especially French people living in New York, because we're not known for being the most optimistic people on earth.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Do you think that all those people telling you that it was going to be impossible made you fight and want it more? Are you that type of person?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yes. I'm like, oh, really? Well, let me show you for sure. Definitely.

[Matt Gilhooly]
How long did it take you to get back? Or what made you come back?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
So I was 17, and then I came back when I was 21 in Missouri. That was a study, like an exchange program with my university, and I stayed there for six months. But that was a really big cultural shock for me.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Oh, I'm sure, yeah.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
And I went through what we call the homesick thing that happens to expatriate people, which is like, usually two or three months after you arrive. I went through hard because you need to have a car. I was like, a little bit off campus and everyone that I was meeting was people were extremely nice. It's not a problem on that. But the culture was so different that I felt like I was the outsider. And thank God that we had other people coming from other countries and we were a lot of internationals because if I was the only French person, it would have been really tough.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Right.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
But outside of that, it was great. It was fun. It was just this time, that adaptation, that was hard. But then also told me one thing. It was like, oh, Mattel, you're ready. You've done your cultural shock, so you're ready to go to New York.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Like a soft landing.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, we're starting nice now, or you're going to get your cultural shock here and now you can go to New York. That was when I was 21. And so during that time, I flew to New York and I went there and I interviewed for the internship that I was looking for. And I was obsessed by this internship the moment I heard about it, which was even before I left the Missouri, I knew it from the school I was in, someone that did it, and I was like, okay, I want it. It was a company that is actually named Sudo France, and it's all about south of France, french company based in New York. And they were helping companies to actually move their services and products to the United States. So for me, it was awesome because it means working with wine, working with food, working with the French, all the things that I love about France in the United States. So perfect job. So I was definitely fighting for it.

[Matt Gilhooly]
And it doesn't hurt that you knew French and English in that sense, right?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Exactly. And it was about the south of France. And my family is from the south of France, and being part of my family is from South France. So I also knew this culture because, trust me, France is very different.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Just like America.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Just like America. So you have to know also kind of like some of the facilities of the culture and things like that. So that was when I was 21. And so I fought for this internship in a way that you have no idea. I was writing emails to the director and friends every week. I would write an email. I would try to call. I would try to call again, but the New York office already wanted me, so it was awesome. The problem was in France, where they were a little bit blocking because they had to sponsor me a visa. And we knew that was the hard part for a lot of companies. So that was where I was really putting all my efforts in it. And so when I went back after Missouri in France for a summer job, I was supposed to have this internship starting in September. No answer until July, where finally someone entered like, oh, you have to come to see us in the sausage of Friends to show us that you're actually motivated. Like, do the interview really face to face. I'm like, okay, no problem. I will do it. I'll be right there. And that interview was actually an interesting interview because the director was really trying to make me feel a little bit unsure. He was really trying to test me. And I was there. Big smile just came back from the US. So I was very sure, and I was just going for it. I was really showing how motivated I was. And at the end of the interview, and that still makes me laugh, he looked at me, he's like, you're the girl that called us 100 times and sent us a bunch of emails that's you. You looked at my name? And I'm like, yes, it's me. And he's like, well, good thing. That's definitely going to pay for you. And that's all. And that's how I knew I got the internship. A few months later, that was time for me to go to New York as an intern. So that was my real first time discovery, which was an unpaid internship, by the way.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Oh, wow. Welcome to America.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Welcome to America. So I had to have some resources. I had to work on weekends. I had to work in wine stores doing wine tasting because I was learning about wine and teaching wine. I had to work on weekends and wine stores all over New York. And they were paying me with a gift card because I could not be paid.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Oh, right, because they didn't want to sponsor you. Right.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah. So I remember all the gift cards that I would have that would pay me for my food that would pay me for transportation and stuff. So it was an interesting time.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I'm wondering, were you this much of a go getter, like, throughout school? Did it start when your friend died? Was it from birth? Have you always been like, if I want it, I'm going to make it happen?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I would say so, because my parents always still tell me this right now when I call them, and I'm like, oh, my God, I just left my job, and we travel the world. What I were doing, and my dad's like, oh, my God, you know exactly what you're doing. So I just feel like I was probably like this. I have a hard time to remember exactly when I was a kid, but I remember usually being kind of the leader. I was always, like, the one starting new things and new classes and new communities. We were calling me when I was doing I was doing acting when I was a teenager, and I was remembering my teacher saying, oh, you're just like the enzyme that is, like, taking everyone with you. And I was like, really? I never saw myself like that. So, yeah, I think it was like this for a long time, and the fact that I saw things happening when I was doing that got me into the smooth.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, no, I think it's interesting, too, coming from, like, I grew up, my parents divorced young or when I was young, and then when my mom died. And so I've kind of always been in a family that was somewhat fractured, and there was a lot of fear in trying new things. But from what you say with your parents, it was almost like you had permission to try things, and if it didn't work out, so what? Right. Like, you were able to, and that probably pushes someone. Like you said, you saw things, like, you tried it, nothing broke, things were progressing, and then you were able to do it. Because I feel like, as an American in my situation growing up, I don't know that I would maybe would have dreamed to go to a different country, but I don't even know if I knew there were other countries out there. I feel like I was very sheltered. Right. I was very sheltered, and I'm not sure that it was like I felt like Americans had a very prescribed upbringing. Right?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah.

[Matt Gilhooly]
So many Americans. I feel like we were conditioned to go to high school, then you go to college, then you get a job, then you create a family, and then you just work until you die. Right. Is that different in France?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Oh, yeah, very different. And actually, we talk about this often with some of my friends because I was hanging out with a lot of French people in New York, especially in my office, too. And we talked about this recently, actually, because we just realized how much when you're a teenager. In France, you already travel because France is a small country, europe is all around you. Especially now with the Schengen area, you can just travel without passport between friends. And Italy, it's just basically the same area. So I feel like we've been taught very early that you can go anywhere, there's no problem. And that's the biggest difference with the US. Actually. We definitely work to have a nice life. And I feel like in the US. It's like you have a life to work and it's such a different impact. And I see it being married with an American and now, I mean, it changed a lot, but I've seen it by the way, we're talking about his work and his career and how much it was impacting his identity and stuff like this. And I was like, wow, I never thought this at all about myself. And I never seen any of my friends or my family thinking like this either. So I feel like that's probably the biggest gap. And so I feel like I grew up in the family too, but in a mentality where you can do whatever you want. We also a country that has a lot of help towards people. Like for example, if you want to start creating a company and you leave your job, you'll have some unemployment help that is going to be quite important compared to the US. So whenever people will judge this good or not, depending on what you think of this. But at least I feel like for a lot of people changing life and actually do something that has more purpose, you actually have a better chance to do it, I think in a country like France, because we give you a little bit more support. That's the way I've seen it. Please.

[Matt Gilhooly]
And you know what, and forgive me for this. I know we've gone back and forth and we've talked about the show is about moments that have changed lives forever. And I ask, you know, this, I asked my guest to just fill out something really short. Just kind of give me an idea of what you think your life shift is. And so as we're talking, I'm wondering if your life shift is actually when your mom said yes to that 17 year old version of you to come over here.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
That's so interesting.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, because I feel like sure, the eleven year old version of you, you were eleven, right. Like who believes an eleven year old? But a 17 is an almost fully formed person, right, that has legitimate thoughts. I mean, maybe not the best ones, but I'm wondering if me saying that out loud, does that make you think that if she had said no, is there something different?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
It's so interesting. I never thought of that. But when you say it, it makes so much sense. I think you're right. That could have been the shift because she would have said no. I probably would have tried differently because.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I know myself you would have had to wait till you were yeah, but.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I would have waited, and I maybe would not have had the experience I had in 17 that I needed to actually push me even more and really forward and give me basically the confidence to actually keep going. Yeah, I love it. That's so cool. I love thinking of it this way.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, it's interesting because I think we all, as humans, unless we're really sheltered, we all have moments that could have gone one way or another, right. That's every day we make decisions that can change. And sure, we're about to go into you moving to New York, and a bunch of things happened. But part of me in this early part of the conversation, really feels drawn to that moment of permission to send a 17 year old over to a foreign country to get into immigration lines and cry your eyes out while is my daughter alive? There are no cell phones. Let's just put that in our brains and think about it. But tell us about when you got here. I know on that form that we talked about, you moved to the States, but then a couple of things happened in a row that kind of exactly.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I moved this time as an intern. That was a whole experience. I stayed for a year, and it was amazing. But after this experience of one year and paid intern, I still wanted to go back to New York, but this time I wanted to have a job. I went back to France because I had to finish my master degree, international marketing. And then I also wanted to spend a bit of time in France. And to be honest, like the shock of we talk about often about expatriate, but we rarely talk about infatuate, which is basically people coming back to our country after they've been expected. And it's tough, it's really tough. And so after I came back from New York, after this whole year of internship, where basically I had the best year of my life, at that point, I was like, okay, I need to go back. It's amazing. I need to go back. I need to find a way to find a work there this time. And so I was going through my Master, and actually the company that was having me as an intern got a job opening for project manager role, which is exactly what I wanted to do. And so they kept me in mind because they love working with me. And actually the director at that time is now a really close friend of mine, so they're all been really good friends because we've been through so much altogether. So she was contacting me like, okay, do you want to come back? But I had to finish my Master in order to get a visa, because the way you get a visa, you have to. Show you have a certain level of education. So I had to wait. But they were waiting for me, which is crazy. They left the job opening open and waited for me, and I could not like, I still can't believe about this. And she still tells me that it's.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Because you emailed them so many times.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I know, it's exactly that. They're like, okay, we really need to give her a job.

[Matt Gilhooly]
She won't stop.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Do you look desperate or you look dead to mind? I think I was disparate.

[Matt Gilhooly]
No, I think you were determined, and they saw that. Let's not negate the fact that you were here for a year working as an unpaid internship.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Exactly.

[Matt Gilhooly]
That says a lot. And that's another thing that I think is different between maybe some American culture and someone like yourself. So let's give you a pat on the back. And I think that's probably why they held that job open for you.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
No, they did. And also, we love working all together. We were a great team. And like I said, at that time, we were already becoming friends. So she was like, okay, we'll wait for you. So this is how close we are getting to the departure. I was with someone at that time, ex boyfriend, had been for over six years, and we were supposed to go together, and that's the whole idea. And so he's figured out this whole thing. He was trying to ask a transfer from his company, but things were not really going well. And so it was really tough because six years with someone, we were kind of engaged. It was not really engagement the way the US. Would say it, but it's more like what we call like a domestic partnership in France, we call that the tax. And it's basically when you sign and you say you're actually in a relationship with this person, it's quite serious. So six years of that, and then we're going to New York together. We arrive in New York, and that's where things started to go south. But that was the biggest shift for me because I arrived, I'm here, I have a job, I have a paycheck, and I have a visa, and I am back. And it's so crazy because it feels like I'm back to my old life, except this time I have money, and this time my ex boyfriend at that time boyfriend is with me. We're staying somewhere in the summer, and I start to feel like things are really not going well. I point that he's not even talking to me. So that's a really hard breakup that I'm going through, because I think he was just dealing with things, and I was kind of taking everything on me. And the hard part was that I was starting this new job, so I also wanted to prove myself, work hard. That was the summer, so all my coworkers were kind of, like, traveling and have vacation and I'm kind of alone at the office. And so that's where the breakup happens. And we had an apartment together that was ending. And the day we broke up, I have nowhere to go. So I'm with my two suitcases dropping down at my office. I was like, Maybe I can slip at the office. But lucky for me, one of my closest friends was actually arriving in New York at that time for a job. Sorry. And so she was, like, looking for a place, and she had this extremely small studio, like an Upper West Side, like a small bed. And she's like, you can come sleep with me. So it's like, me with my two huge suitcases, coming in this very small place and sharing the same bid with her for a month, not knowing where I'm going to leave. Definitely. I mean, my paycheck was really small still because I just started. And so it was very scary. I was really in this moment where I was like, okay, this is why I left friends. And I left everything that I had, because that's what I did. I left my family, my friends. I didn't know when I was going to see them. It was really a scary time. So I was really trying to picture like, okay, you're in New York. That's great. That was your dream. Remember myself? This is what you wanted. So this is where the shift is happening. At that point, a moment is like, what am I doing? Because I was literally crying every day. My heart was broken. But at the same time, it was the best place I wanted to be. But I felt like things were just going too fast. And I remember calling my dad, and my dad said, you want to come home? And at that point, I said, no, I can't. I can't go home. And my dad's like, okay, good. Tell us what you need. Tell us what you need. Tell us the support. And so I was calling my parents every day, calling my brother. And my brother was, like, enraged. He was like, what? He brought you there and you just leave you like this in the street? I mean, the whole range. And I was like, that's fine. I was not even mad because it was like, I prefer that than being in a relationship that makes no sense. But it was more like the aspect of, what am I doing? I'm basically by myself in a city like New York. Crazy thing happened. We're living with my friends, and things start picking up, and I'm trying to find a place, and I'm trying to see the positive side of things. But the crazy thing is, a few weeks later, I meet someone. At that time, I'm like, there's no freaking way I'm going another relationship right now. It's like, you can forget about that. I don't want to hear talking about men. It's like, I don't want that. But yeah. So life happens this way. It's like, hey, that's the worst moment ever, but take it. So I actually meet my now husband and with friends and I mean, I can't tell the story as good as he says it, but he basically said that we were going to Liberty Weekend and he was in a hot tub with his friend. We were at Common friends. That's how we met. And this car arrives with four French girls coming out of the car with the most stereotypical job. Like it was one working the wine, one was working in fashion, one was a professional dancer, one was selling truffle to high end restaurants and they just poured themselves out of the car. We're all dressed up, which for us was just like, we're going to weekends and we're all having those nice dresses, hats. He's like, I understood right now that my life was about to change. So that was a big shift because after that, even if I didn't want to be in a relationship, we still hang out together and actually we met more people and whatever we can think of, even if we don't want to be in a relationship, you have this new person in your life that brings you the support because he was also going through a breakup. It was an interesting time.

[Matt Gilhooly]
You were building community.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Exactly. We're building our own little group of friends. Oh, my God. Group of friends. It was fun and we're traveling a lot every weekend and we're doing a lot of stuff and we end up falling in love. So that was definitely a story.

[Matt Gilhooly]
So what was the time period from when you landed in New York that time and when you met your now husband?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
About three months, I think. Or two months and half. Yeah, something like that.

[Matt Gilhooly]
So gave you the time to freak out and then it was like, surprise. This is the reason you should stay.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Exactly. And that's the reason that the whole relationship you had before had to end up like right now. Because you need to realize that there's something else. There's someone else. Yeah, for sure.

[Matt Gilhooly]
What kept you from just running back home?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
To be honest, it's going to be really hard to answer because I really felt like it was something deep inside me. It was something in my heart that was telling me, you stay. This is home. This is home now. And it's still crazy for me when I think about that time and I tried. The emotion is still here. I can feel it. It was so like, no, there's no way I'm going anywhere. This is where I'm belong now. That was kind of the feeling.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Part of the reason I asked is early on you were talking about your friend that passed when you guys were 15 and you said there was part of you still now that you do things in honor of your friend. Do you think any of that was sitting there. Like, you had talked about it, and you now have the opportunity that he will never have. And so I was like, I can't give up yet.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
So part of that story, actually, is that during that summer where everything was really kind of crumbling in front of me, I remember praying a lot at that time. I was just, like, kind of, like, talking to my guys up there. I was like, Come on, guys, I need a little bit of help here. But I was also talking to him, and I was telling him, like, man, I feel so shitty. I feel exactly the same. That when I went through the same grip with you. Like, what the hell is that? And so I think the crazy part is that I know deep inside of me, I know that the day I met my husband Evan, which was September 2, by the way, that day when I met him, I knew something was pushing us to me, like, I felt this I knew that something was happening, and the way it was happening, it was just planned this way. And so whatever we believe in anything, for me, I believe that he was there, and he definitely made this happen. That's definitely what I think.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Okay, so I'm going to go off on a tangent again and think that early on you talked about kind of this idyllic, fanatic obsession with America, right. You have this dream picture in your head that you were going to be a New Yorker and you were going to be Carrie Bradshaw or whoever you were going to be. I wonder if the universe was like, let's erase that so that you can create your own.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I think you're right, and I definitely think that now because I've been in New York for six years, and I've seen that my life was never like anyone else because you're basically a French person living in the United States and meeting my husband, American from South Carolina. So I was like, wow, this is such a unique story that I could not even have invented myself. You're right. I think that's definitely true.

[Matt Gilhooly]
And the reason I say that is because I think sometimes we have this, like, picture of what the ideal or perfect situation is, especially of New York or something or, like, La. Or Hollywood, and some people might have that picture, and then they meet Evan, but he doesn't fit the picture. Right. And so therefore, you dismiss. So I'm wondering if the universe was just, like, messing with you. Like, look, let's get rid of this friend's situation in your head so that you can be welcoming of this new community that you never really pictured in your head.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Well, you know, I think one thing that I realized and it's kind of close to what you're saying right now is that I think my whole life I mean, I believe in past life. For a long time, I didn't even believe it. But very recently, I started to believe in that. And I really wonder, oh, my God, maybe I had to pass life somewhere that I had to go back to. But part of me also was thinking, well, I was growing up in this image. It's like, we're showing you an image that you really want to make sure you're going to be there to mine to get there. But the whole plan was actually to make sure I meet the person I was supposed to meet. That's kind of how I felt it it's kind of how I felt way after when we started to be together. And I was like, that's crazy. We gave me this image to make sure I was going towards this, but it's because there was something else that was waiting for me. If you're telling me, oh, you have to go to us to meet your husband, I don't know if at 17 I really care, but if you tell you can leave a dream life exactly like you see on the screen, go for it. And then you're like, okay, I'm going. And then it's like, all right, now we have a whole new plan for you.

[Matt Gilhooly]
It's kind of like shopping, right? Like, you walk down the street, you see something in the window, and you're like, oh, cool. I'm going to go in there. But then deeper into the store, you find what you really want. I think it's cool. It's unfortunate that you have those moments, but they probably made you appreciate everything that you grew from that point on a lot more, right?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Oh, yeah, for sure. And you know what? I told this to a friend recently that I got her heart broken. And I said, you know, actually, for me, one of the best time of my life was to be heartbroken. Not because of the suffering, because that sucks, but because of what comes after. And when you love again and when you have hope again, and when you think about all those beautiful things, and then you rediscover someone else with a new eye, then you realize, like, wow, actually, this is awesome. I've been so bad the last few weeks, but now I feel so good. And it's like this gap of sensation and feelings is really what actually and that's why I believe, like, sadness, fear, suffering, unfortunately have their place in our lives. It's because we need them to compare with the beautiful things it's coming after.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I agree. And a lot of the people that I talk to, especially those people that have their episodes that are more centered around something more tragic, most of the people, including myself, are grateful for that tragedy, for sure. Which is very weird to say, right? I'm not grateful that my mother died, but this version of me is grateful for the experience that I've had because of it. Exactly. I agree. These people that live up here all the time. It's probably not that pleasant. Right. Like, to us, it might look great, like, they're always happy, but maybe they're not because they're not experiencing those highs and lows. And I know that when we originally started talking about this, they were like, multiple points. And in the interest of time, we're not going to be able to get all to those. And your life is fascinating, but I think what's most fascinating to me, and I'm going to keep going back to it, is the idea that you were free to create your own destiny. And I don't think that a lot of people listening to the Life Shift podcast grew up that way.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
No. Yeah. No, I agree.

[Matt Gilhooly]
And I think that because your parents or your upbringing or your country put that in you and said, hey, whatever you want to do, go for it, we support you.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
But it's funny because that's kind of what I'm doing now for people.

[Matt Gilhooly]
You're bringing France to them.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, I love them.

[Matt Gilhooly]
You're bringing your upbringing to them. Why don't you tell us? So here we'll fast forward a little bit. You got really successful in your job in New York, and then you were like, you know what? I want to create more of my own life. Right. So what do you do now? You left that corporate America to do what?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, it was a tough decision, but I left it because I wanted to create my own business. And part of me was I was doing a job where I was helping people to come to the US. I was helping them to sell their products, sell their wine, their food. It was fun, but I always felt like I was not helping enough. I always felt like, yeah, okay, I was helping on administrative things, I was helping on networking, but it was not enough. I felt like I wanted to help more. So part of me was like, okay, I should probably try to just do my thing. And you have to think that at that time that 2020 KB happened, and I was applying for green cards because I could not work next to my other work. I was not authorized. I could only work on my company. My Visa was only attached to my company. But because we were married, I started to have the green card. And so the green card kind of opened up new doors, is like, okay, now it's kind of like the perfect door to whatever you want, because you can do whatever you want with a green card. So I started to think, okay, let's start working. Like, start thinking about ideas on how I can do this. I started to work online for companies doing project management, because this is kind of what I was doing also, is project management. I was helping any CEOs or companies online to take decisions. I was advising them. And I thought, okay, that's fine, but I want to go deeper. I really want to help people on a certain level, and it took me a little bit of time. It's really this year, being of this year, that I started to help people more on coaching and really focus on what is your dream life, what is your dream plan, what are the things that you want to create? So if it's a dream business, we can do that, but if it's actually a lifestyle, which I'm going right now towards to, what can we do to make this happen? So I have a few clients that I started to work like that, and I loved the way we were working together, the program, and I was seeing the pain points. I was saying that the problems that a lot of people having. So one of them was allowing themselves to dream, allowing themselves to be able to do that. A lot of the people that have been talking to, not necessarily clients, even people I met on Monday, are like, oh, I don't know. I never really thought about it.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, I mean, I honestly think that Americans just like, we weren't taught to dream.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, exactly. But it's kind of what outside of a box.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Me too, right?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, you can dream for your best career and the best four one K the best four one K option is what you can dream.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I mean, honestly, it's true. I feel like our dreams were like, here's the top shelf. You can choose one of these 20 things, and there you go. That's your realistic dream life. Go.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, no, exactly. And, you know, I talked about this recently. I was like, what if we were actually teaching kids at school what is about a dream plan? And it's not just telling kids what kind of job you want, because that's the kind of question we ask you when your kids, what kind of job do you want to do? But we ask you, what do you want to be? Or what are the things you want to do? What are the things you want to explore? And I think it would be so much worse for our next generation to actually ask them, what do you want to do? Not as a job, just in life. And you see, if you ask kids, they will give you the most beautiful and genuine answers. Because I want to be a dragon. Yeah, exactly. I want to be a dragon. Yeah, exactly. But it could be anything because they don't have the limit. The limit is coming later on. It's coming later on in life, because there's a problem of security where people feel like, oh, I need the money for the security. Especially in a country like the US. Where it's really definitely like, the strong message where we're sending to people. And I'm trying to teach people saying, like, hello, security does not exist. It's totally false. The only security that exists is you. So it's your mind, it's you, it's your heart, it's your reason. So by starting to teach these different pain points to people, like showing them why they exist, and people start understanding like, oh, wow, you're doing. And so I probably can do it. And some other people have been doing it. So, yeah, you're right. Maybe I can. And that's really where I want to work in, is like, inspire people to do more of what we're going to do, which is leaving your job, create your business, travel the world if it's your thing, but for some other people. I just talked to someone recently on Indians, like, oh, me, we're going to leave our job, buy a farm and become self sufficient. And we're going to have this beautiful, far more welcome people too. I thought that was amazing, but she was already dreaming when she was saying that. And I was like, okay, so that's great because you're actually allowing yourself right now to think way bigger than just the routine and the career job.

[Matt Gilhooly]
That makes me think of episode 16. I believe it's episode 16. My friend Jenna, her and her husband left a corporate America job that everyone would be like, why are you leaving? Look at that salary. They sold everything. They bought an RV and they started traveling the country to different farms. And now she says the next best step is kind of their thing or dream a little dream. And each thing got them to their dream farm, creating sustainable food for the entire community. But it took, like, what you and Evan are doing, like leaving corporate America to find the things that are in your passions to, I guess, provide, quote unquote, security of funding, right, in order to fund whatever you want to do. But you mentioned it just in passing that you guys are just about to leave to whatever destination that you want to. Is that worldwide? Is that country wide? Where are you going next?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
So that's the next shift, especially for Evan. And so our next destination is friends. So we're going to spend a bit of time. So for me, it's nice. It's been a long time. I haven't spent that much time in France, so it's going to be a bit weird but excited to spend time with friends and family. Evans in a while. And for Evan, that speaks very good French, like, he's close to fluent now. It's practicing and be there because he wanted this experience of being in another country for such a long time. And I told him like, well, now you speak language perfectly. You understand the culture, you understand even the bad private joke between French people. You're like, you're good, so you can do it. So I think that's definitely next step. And then after that, it's going to be mostly Southeast Asia. I have my brother that lives in sydney. So we're going to enjoy the fact that he's there for doing Bali, Sydney, Vietnam, thailand. Back to Thailand for sure.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Amazing.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah. Cambodia. Cambodia is on our list. I always wanted to go and the idea is also to keep working. Of course. I would really want to keep building my business and Evan is building his career as a voice actor and maybe other things because he's still discovering what he wants to do, but part of it. So we want to also do charity work. So the idea was also we go to these places and try to see how we can build something and it could be either be part of charities that exist or build something or use also the community that we have in the US. To maybe come and help to something. So we're still thinking of this and I think we want to travel to see what are the needs and where we can be helpful. I always wanted to do charity work for such a long time. And I remember I was dreaming when I was in corporate job a few years back. I was dreaming on my computer looking at these charities. I needed help. I was sending a message basically saying, I'm coming soon, so I really want this to happen.

[Matt Gilhooly]
It will happen.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah, it will happen.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I mean, you've made all these things happen now. Okay, so in the interest of time, I like to ask a question to all my guests, but yours is going to be a little bit different. So my thought is, what if you went back to that 17 year old version of you that was like, I want to go learn, I want to go do an English three week thing. And you told her, hey, you and your husband in 2022 are about to travel the world, living your dream life. How do you think that conversation would go?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I think she would be pretty excited because she already wanted to travel the world at that time. New York was definitely like the first part. I think she would be excited. And you know what? I think part of it would not be surprised actually about the American husband because I always felt when I was growing up that I was almost an outsider of my own country. Which is kind of weird to say that because I always feel like I said it's great to see both worlds, but I always felt very close to American mentality for a lot of things, which is the fact that you guys are always very positive. You guys have such a strong it's true. Oh my God, go to France and then you understand what it means comparatively. Oh, yes. No. And you guys love to celebrate. There's this strong feeling of celebrating, having fun. The problem was that the other part of mentality of the US. Is that there is this corporate and kind of like you have to be inside the box. But the one thing that even if you're inside that box and even if you're like in this world that we're kind of forcing you to be in there, you can still try to see the best part. I was so surprised when I arrived in the US. That I was talking with my host family for the first time when I was 17. They're, oh, yeah, I have these health issues. This health issue is like, she had a bunch of problems and she kept saying, but you know, we're so happy. And I was like, I never heard anyone in my life at that time other than my parents said they were happy. Yeah, because in France, you don't talk about your emotion in a way, like you don't talk about happy because French people love to complain. We love that. We love that. We love to complain. There's always better somewhere. It's incredible. And that drives me insane when I go back to friends. So I was seeing all these parts of the American mentality that I was attracted to. So when I was 17, if we were telling me this, I would be like, cool, because you guys are pretty cool people. I mean, there's probably things we don't agree on, but otherwise, if I had to choose another country that I'll become a citizen one day of the US. It's like, yeah, I like that. I like to choose this one.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. You know what surprised me too? It's almost like your parents were an anomaly as well, because they were like this positive reinforcement in a world of complaints. But in that whole conversation earlier, you said you spent the year doing the unpaid internship here in New York, and then you went back to France and you kind of felt like it felt weird, right? It felt like you were not home.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
No.

[Matt Gilhooly]
In a way. Do you think that when you go there next?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yes. And I'm going to tell you something. It's not sad. It's going to sound sad, but it's not. Okay. But when you become an expatriate in life, I don't think there is really a place that is a home anymore. It's a curse. At the same time, that is a blessing because we have the chance that we've been living everywhere. And I've talked about this with expatriate that seems exactly the same thing, is that you can go to different places and you can find a part of home. If I go back to France, I definitely want to find a part of home because my parents are there, because my friends, because memories, places I've been. But part of me feels a fault that I don't really belong there anymore. But it's the same thing when I'm here. It's the same thing when I'm in the US. There's a part of me that feels like a bit like home, but at the same time, not really. So I. Think for me now is I'm not trying to figure out where is home. I mean, New York is the close one for sure, because that's where kind of everything started. So definitely where I would feel the most home. But there's still things in New York that I don't agree with, but it's to find the people that make you feel home. And so the one reason when we started to think about traveling world with Evan, I was not scared at all, and I'm still not scared. I'm a bit anxious because of the logistic part of everything, but I'm not scared at all. It's because he's my home, and we kind of said that to each other. It's like, whatever, we're going in the world, and that's what I want him to experience, because I want him to feel that way, that he can understand that feeling. It's pretty beautiful at the end. It's also always outside of your comfort zone, so I guess that's probably why you need to feel like you're home. But it's exciting. It's definitely an exciting no.

[Matt Gilhooly]
I think your story is inspiring for a lot of people, but I think specifically for Americans, especially those in my generation, you can dream big and you can actually make those dreams come true. And your dreams do not have to fit in the ideas of other people. Right. It's like your dreams are yours, so own them, live them, do what you need to do to make them happen.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
You said it. Yes, exactly.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Well, I appreciate that you gave me this time to hear your story and kind of tell you what your Life shift was, even though it may be multiple areas. I'm so honored that people come on here and trust me enough to share their story with everyone. This was the first episode of season two of the Life Shift podcast, and I have so many more recordings coming up, so just stay tuned every week. If you're enjoying the show, I would appreciate a rating of five stars and a review, which Matilde did for me. So thankful for doing that as well. And that was before we even knew you were going to be on the show, so I appreciate that.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I love that show now. You're doing a great job as a host, but also, it's a beautiful show to get inspired. And that's why when you invited me to be on, I was like, wow, that's awesome. I feel so flattered. So thank you.

[Matt Gilhooly]
You are most welcome. I told you this earlier. My mission for the show is that each episode finds the ears that needed to hear that story at the moment. So if one person hears something that sparks something or makes them feel less alone or provide some kind of community, then we win.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Exactly.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Right?

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Yeah.

[Matt Gilhooly]
There might be someone listening to your episode right now that is like, you know what? I've always wanted to do XYZ. I'm going to do it.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
I'm going to do it. Exactly. Yeah. And that's exactly why I've been on LinkedIn so much lately. I realized that by writing my stories and inspiration, people come to me and like, wow, you said that, and it resonated. And now I want to do this. How can I do it? And I'm happy to take some of my time to give some tips and directions and pointers, and of course, to coach if someone wants me to, but it's so beautiful to see that we can inspire by just being there and tell stories, so yeah, definitely. Great school.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Yeah. It's nice to be yourself and be able to inspire others without, like, trying. Right? Just keep doing what you're doing, my friend. I'm so glad that we got to learn more about you.

[Mathilde Bernard Funderburk]
Thank you.

[Matt Gilhooly]
Thank you.