Life Shifts & Healing: The Life Shift Rewind with Christin Lindley

Hello, my friends.I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift podcast. If you don't know, I do have a Patreon. It currently only has two tiers.One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs. And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and just the, I guess, warm fuzzies for help out with the Life Shift podcast.But I used to have other tiers where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money. So right now we're just kind of doing the early episodes. You'll always get those.So if you want to support the Life Shift podcast, please jump over to patreon.com forward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and you can find that information there. But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests. So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping these episodes. Whatever you're listening to now is another episode. So I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift podcast. And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the Life Shift candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hey everyone.I am here with the first episode guest, Kristen. Hey, Kristen.

Hi. I was expecting you to talk longer and I took a sip of my drink. Hello.

This is how it's gonna go, folks.

Yep. How are you?

It's honestly a pleasure to be able to reconnect.It's Been a while since we've actually talked, but for this podcast specifically, you were the first episode released on March 22, 2022, which is almost two years ago by the time that this bonus episode comes out. So the nice thing about this for me, or what's really special about this for me, is the fact that this was an assignment when.When we recorded this episode together, and you and a handful of other people, like, trusted me enough to come on and, like, share your personal story and kind of unveil that with me live, not knowing exactly what was going to happen in our conversation. So just thank you for that. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, absolutely. I know it was. I mean, I was interested in it for so many reasons. One, because, you know, we've. We've been friends for a while, and.And I was just really excited. It sounded like an interesting premise. And so you're like, will you do this? I'm like, yeah, absolutely. I'll throw myself out there.

Yeah. And you did. And we. And you were the first episode, and I. And the reason I chose your episode first and released yours with my friend Shauna as well.And so there were two episodes that came out on the first day, and I chose yours to be the first one because personally, I could identify with your life shift moments more. And I naturally have found over the last 122 episodes that I've recorded is that I gravitate more towards, like, the trauma and the things that.Of overcoming these and. And trying to find our way through the world after loss. And so that's truly why I picked yours to be, like, the first one.I mean, Shauna's came out a couple hours later, so it wasn't that different. You know, it was just. Your story was just loss after loss after loss.And I had one loss that really I struggled with for decades, and I was like, oh, man, how does someone like Kristen move through so many back to back to back to back? And you. You shared with us that vulnerability and. And how you did it. So really appreciate that. How did you feel after sharing that story?So you go into it thinking, okay, well, I like the premise, but, like, was there anything about the way you felt after we recorded that episode that was kind of notable in any kind of way?

Yes, it was. It was cathartic in a way, to get it all out in a, like, in one fell swoop, like, all at the same time.At that point, when you and I talked about it, I had talked about it in therapy a bunch. Right. I was actually seeing a therapist when my dad died. So I was seeing the therapist kind of in and amongst the time.It was after my mom had died, so it was after my grandfather had died, but I think it was before my grandmother had died while I was pregnant, then when I had the baby.So I had, you know, I had talked about it with therapists and with my family, of course, but like sitting down and being like, I'm going to talk about this, you know, 18 month to 24 month period in my life, all in one, kind of one spot, one time. I had never really put it all together like that, all in one package.And I think after we talked, I had to kind of sit with it for a little bit and really be like, wow, I really. That was a lot, right? That was a lot that I experienced. And it's surreal.When you look back at traumatic events, I think that shock period lasts for way longer than you realize. And I had even said that in the moment. I remember saying that during our recording that like, you know, I was in shock, we were in shock.That that first year was a blur. And that's true.I didn't realize at the time that I was still in shock, you know, And I probably will even look back at this moment, you know, in a few years and be like, yeah, I was still recovering because I've done a heck of a lot more healing and grieving really in the last two years since then.

I think there's something about the human condition in which when we have these traumas, we like, we compartmentalize them because we need to move through. And then another one happens. So then that gets put in its own bucket and then another one happens and gets put in its own bucket, you know.But I think what I really remember from your episode was like, how much we talked about the importance of therapy and the value that it can bring. Because I think you even, you know, in mentioning how having the conversation in this way was kind of cathartic.It's like so many of the things that we worry about or stress about or are grieving or whatever, in our head, they somewhat seem like worse. And then when we're able to kind of verbalize it and put it out and someone else can listen to it without any biases, I.It changes the game in some way because it's not. It's no longer just sitting in our head, like bouncing back and forth, but now it's out there. So now we can do something with it.

I call that brain regurgitation. Isn't that a lovely visual?It Is yeah, you gotta like, you just need to get it out and get it all out of the brain and get it out all whatever that is. Like I visualize like throwing it all out of my brain onto a desk and it's everything.It's like words and images and colors and just being able to have it in front of you and seeing it makes it, it gives you like actual perspective.Like I visualize being able to have my thoughts all on this table all jumbled up and I'm physically stepped back away from it and looking at and for whatever reason that is a little bit more manageable than it all being jumbled up in my brain with ping ponged thoughts going, bouncing off of everything, reacting off things, you know, jumping from memory to memory and having a therapist, you know, if you can, or at the very least a very, you know, easygoing friend who can help you like regurgitate that brain junk and then look at it from a distance and get a different perspective on it. It really does help. And I'll say too like, especially now, two years from when we recorded that, like I'm still a flag flying.Therapy is for everyone. Therapy is for all times.And I would like to add to that with like, if you're not vibing with your therapist or if things change in your life where you have different needs to meet with therapy, switch your therapists. Because different therapists have different experience and different perspective.And those different perspectives can help you look at things in a completely differently, different way to just help process.I saw a new therapist, you know, in the last year and it was remarkable how differently I was able to like look at and process things that I had gone over a million times before. You know, it's like, no, I've, I've talked about this before. I'm not, I'm not soul traumatized by this.And I talk about it with a new therapist and she's like, I think you are.

I think, yeah, I agree. It's. You have to find the right fit first too.Like if it's your first time, you don't assume that the first person you find in, you know, your work list of therapists that you can go to for insurance or whatever that may be is going to be the one that is perfect for you. Definitely be okay with being like, well, this one didn't feel right. It needs to feel, you need to feel safe. You need to feel.

Yes.

That it is something where you can share it without. I mean, I don't think it's a judgment that they Have. It's just you need to feel safe to do it. And I thought, you know, what was.What's great about that conversation was really just the emphasis on therapy. And you also coined. I don't know if you coined it.

I did not. I stole it.

You also stole and said radical acceptance. And it really stuck with me, especially for, like, the first year, because, you know, I think. I think.I think part of the reason that it stuck with me personally is because when you start a new project, like a. Like a podcast, you start a new something, you kind of feel like an imposter. And it's a. Yeah. And like, sometimes it's okay to do that.And so, like, that radical acceptance idea was always like, you know, you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed and whatnot. But that's okay. You're human and you're moving through this process.And so that was just really pivotal in a way that I kept bringing it up with people for a while just because I loved that idea that, like, however we are, at whatever time, it's okay. We're human. We're kind of working through this. This process together.

You know what's funny about that is, like, I did re. Listen to my own episode, and then I listened to a bunch of episodes that. That first year, and I would.Every time you would bring it up, the radical acceptance, I would, like, giggle just because I was like, yeah, he's. You know, whatever. It was funny. What's interesting is, like, I keep reminding myself of that.That radical acceptance, because it's so easy to either get bogged down in whatever it is you're feeling, you're frustrated about something or stressed out. It's so easy to either get bogged down in it that you can't see the forest for the trees. Like, all you can do is focus that feeling and not past it.Or what I tend to do is ignore it. Like, oh, I shouldn't be. I shouldn't be feeling like this. And then I just, like, pop it in a little box in my brain and ignore it.And like, well, I'm just not gonna feel that. That's. That's. That's. I don't have time for that.And that radical acceptance, if you're actually practicing it, what that means is paying attention and validating your feelings to yourself, whatever that is. And you have to actually process those feelings in order to move past them. Yeah, yeah.

You put them away, they're still going to come back.

Right. That doesn't work very well. Yeah. So I re. Relearn from myself. The radical acceptance part, like, daily. I don't know, at least weekly, a lot. Yeah.

It aligns nicely with the idea, I think, you know, for those of us that have experienced great loss in our life and great meaning big.It aligns with, like, the only advice I can ever give people after they lose someone is really, truly allowing yourself to feel however you feel and be okay with that. If you are so devastatingly sad, that's okay. If you're mad and you're angry, that's okay. If you laugh once in a while, that's okay, too.And so it kind of really, like, aligns with that only advice that I can give people after a loss is. Is truly, like, something like, radical acceptance. Like, it's all okay. You're just being a human.

Absolutely. You know what's interesting is literally, Matt, just, like, Monday, I think I. I'm gonna say I had the epiphany.I knew this, but I had an epiphany that in the midst of all the losses that I talked to you about during my podcast, I'd forgotten one DJ passed away. Our co worker, and he was a very close friend of mine in between all of that. He passed away about a month after I had had Oliver, and he.Before I had moved to Louisiana, he had come to visit me in Austin. Like, we were close, and we had literally just talked. The night before the hurricane was coming in, he was having a hurricane party.I was in bed with my newborn baby, nursing or something, and he and I were texting, and he was telling me about all the food he was gonna cook, and I was like, okay, I love you so much. Be safe. I hope you don't lo. And the next. Let's see. I didn't hear from him the next day.And then the day after, our other friend Chi Chi texted me and said, did you hear about dj? And I was like, no. What happened? Did his house get hit or something? And she's like, no, he died. And I'm like, I'm sorry. What?You know, like, just complete bewilderment and that. I think because he was so young and because I just talked to him and I just had a baby and whatever.I'm not sure why, but I had, like, forgotten is the only word I can use to describe it.Like, basically forgotten about that until, like, literally Monday this week, it was like, he popped up in my Facebook feed, and I was like, oh, shit. Wow. And I cried for, like, five hours. I went through, like, Facebook posts and found videos that he'd sent Me and like just cried.Well, apparently I'm grieving DJ right now because it's cause grief and loss. It is weird and it comes back and hits you at the strangest times when you're not expecting it.And let me tell you, I cried for a little bit and then I was okay. And then suddenly I realized my daughter, her name is Penelope, but I call her pj. And I was like, oh my God, have I made.Have I, like not knowing, unknowingly named her after dj? And just the thought of that, like, I got so overwhelmed and then I just cried more.

You know, I think there's that radical acceptance piece. It's like we can't tell when this grief journey how long it's going to be and when it's going to happen. And sometimes it takes years and years.And sometimes, like when my grandmother died, I felt like so equipped to move into that grief space and move through it very quickly. And I just like moved with intention and it felt so different than the 20 years that it took me to process the grief, losing my mom.And so, you know, like, that's just part of being a weird human, you know, like we, it's. Nothing's linear, it seems, except for actual time. And so I think that, I think that's a wonderful story. I'm glad that it happened.You know, I'm glad you were able to have those memories and hopefully process some of them. And you're probably not done, but, you know, it changes things and it changes you. So kudos to you.You know, this episode was like a brand new podcast. Like I, you know, who knows who was gonna listen?Did you have anyone that you knew listen and give you any feedback or did you hear anything from anyone that maybe listen and you're like, oh, that's the part you attach to.

No one that I know listened to it, as far as I'm aware. Or they didn't. It's not very good friend, if they did. I don't know.I mean, I don't, I don't know because I put it on my Facebook and I think I put it on my LinkedIn too. I don't know how many people that I'm actually connected with that listen to podcasts. Who knows, whatever, that's fine.But we did that like follow up zoom chat or whatever a few months later. And it was nice to hear from a few people, you know, like, that they had listened to it and what they got out of it.I'll be honest, I don't know that anything Surprised me about what other people got out of it. But what I will say is I am surprised listening back to it.

In what way?

Well, without going into too much detail, I've had significant changes in my life since we recorded that. I sold everything. I sold the business. I sold all the property in Louisiana.I moved to Washington state, got a new job, and I'm divorced now for a variety of reasons.

So life looks a little different.

Life is a little different. Right.

So.

And I. And I'm. I don't say this lightly. I am thriving.And I will say that there were times where I almost wanted to reach out to you and ask you to, like, take down my episode because I felt like I was not disingenuous, but, like, I learned new things about myself and my situation that changed my mind about my relationship. Right. And brought some different things into focus.And I like listening back to it and hearing a lot of, like, hope and positivity about that in particular. Almost made me want to be like, I don't want that out there kind of thing. But then I had to really, like, sit on it and be like, you know what?That was my reality then, and that is important. Like, that doesn't make the Kristen of 2022 any less valid than the Kristen of January 2024. Right. Like, I had grown to that point. The way I.Where I was, I had learned what I had learned. Up until that point, I was where I needed to be.I was doing the things I thought I needed to be doing, and I was passionately and positively going to do them. Because that's how I do things is passionately and with positivity and with more learning and more growing.I changed my mind on some things, and now I am passionately and positively doing those things. And I think it's. What is it, a Maya Angelou quote who says, we do the best we can until we know better and then we do better? Right.It's something like that. I totally garbled that up. But basically that we can only do the best. We're all doing our best.Given the level of awareness and knowledge we have in any moment, that's all we can do.

Well, I'm just thinking, you know, like, to look at that past version of you, you were. You were who you were at that moment in time.Whether you were masking some things, whether you were lying to yourself about some things, that was the level and the abilities that you had at that moment. And like, what is evolution if we can't look at prior versions of ourself? With love and compassion, you know, I feel like.

Exactly. That's. And that's where I was going with that, is that. That is where I was with the level of aw that I was capable of in that moment.And I am lucky that I have a different level of awareness now. And that's great. I have grown, and I'm so proud of that.And I don't look down on my past self at all, because I was doing the best I could do with what I had in that moment, and good job for me, and I have learned, and I'm so grateful for it. So that was. It's been a little humbling for me in that way. Which is probably not exactly. Exactly what you were going for.

Well, no, I mean, I think it's. I. You're not the first person that's really said that in, like, how different they were in the time that they recorded with me.

Yeah.

But I think it's.It's nice to have this little, like, spot in history of our life, recording what we sounded like, how we looked at the world and what we talked about. It's kind of interesting in a. It really is anthropological way.

Exactly. No, you're absolutely right. And in that way. And that's. And that's really.You know, once I processed it better, I was like, okay, you know, this is important because it really is. It's a marker in time that. That is exactly. This is where I was in March of 2022, and this is where I am in January of 2024.And in a lot of ways, I'm the same person.And in some very specific and very important ways, I have grown leaps and bounds, and I'm so grateful for the ability to do that, you know, And I couldn't have grown in this way if I wasn't at that point two years ago. So.

Yeah.And also in the idea if we don't have these markers in time, if, like, even people that, like, I look at stuff that I wrote maybe 10 years ago, and I'm like, who is that person?But also, you don't realize how much you've changed until you see things like that or hear things like that, and then you're like, damn, you know, like, good for me. Yeah, I've done what I needed to do. And, you know, so I think. And maybe two years from now, you're going to be like, what was I doing there? Exactly.And so I think that's important. And I. I kind of love that. I love that you have that journey of, like, oh, crap. I need him to take this down. But wait a second.Yeah, you know, and you gave yourself grace, you gave your, your past self permission, radical acceptance.

Exactly. Exactly. Like, I didn't want to have a knee jerk reaction to anything.So I was like, I'm gonna validate that feeling for myself that this feels uncomfortable, that this is out there and that that's okay. I can feel that way. And I'm going to sit on that and really process it and analyze for myself. Why does it feel uncomfortable?What is it, what is it exactly that I'm uncomfortable with? Am I, you know, am I lying to people? No, I'm not. I, you know, I was genuine when I made that recording. It's just not.There's some of it in there that is no longer true today, but that's okay. Like that, that doesn't have any impact on that, on its truth from two years ago. So. Yeah.

Yeah, I love that journey and I think it's important to, to vocalize and I hope people listening can kind of relate to that. And you know, I think it, it kind of feeds nicely into the way I like to wrap these up.And I'm wondering if there is someone out there that's, that's kind of like itching to maybe share their story with someone. It doesn't necessarily have to be on a podcast or anything official, but, but maybe they haven't shared it before.Is there, is there any recommendations or advice you could give to someone that's like teetering on the edge of, of, of letting people in to a little bit deeper version of themselves?

Yeah, I mean, I tell people all the time. I've, I've actually recommended a few people to you, but absolutely take the leap in telling your story to someone.It, it's validating in so many ways, just having someone listen to your story first of all.And then the way you do, where you listen and you ask very interesting questions that really help someone to think about their own story in unique ways, that's very validating.But also just going through the motions of putting your story all together in a nice little package and thinking about it, it's kind of like that brain rig regurgitation we talked about earlier.Like, it's getting it all out there in a way that you maybe not, maybe you haven't done it before, it just, it gives you a different perspective on your own story. Like, yeah, you lived it, but maybe you haven't actually told it in one, in one's space. Yeah. So anyone who's on the fence, who's thinking about it.I would say just. Just do it. Just go. Go tell your story. Yeah.

Storytelling, I've learned through this process. You know, just seeing so many people tell their story, you can tell when they're ready to tell their story.You can tell when they're not ready to tell their story. But you can also see the power in telling their story and the lightness or like the catharsis like you mentioned.

Yeah.

You know, there's. There's just so much power in it and, you know, the freedom to be truly you and share your full, vulnerable self.I think there's so much power in that. I just want to say thank you for being a part of this journey from the very, very beginning. And then for coming back and doing this Patreon episode.I. I just appreciate you.

Thank you so much. And thank you for having me and inviting me back.

And with that, I will say goodbye to Kristen. And for those of you listening to the Patreon episode, thank you so much for your support.I'm doing this all myself, so your extra money that you put towards me every single month is really going towards paying for the software and the hardware, the cool stuff, and helping me bring these stories to light. So thank you again for that, and I will bring another Patreon bonus episode to your ears next month. So thanks again.For more information, please visit www.thelife shift podcast.com.