I have a history of PTSD. It started young when I was in an accident in my late teens. I thought I healed. I thought I was over that hurdle. Man, was I wrong. After struggling with my Postpartum Depression and anxiety I started having rage attacks and hurting myself. It was like I wouldn't even think about it. My kids would throw a tantrum or my baby wouldn't stop crying and in an instant I was hurting myself. Why was I doing this? I knew I couldn't hurt my children, they didn't know any better. These were normal things that kids did but mix the PPD and PPA with some PTSD and BOOM!! There it is!!
My Psychologist told me it was loss of control. PTSD changes the chemistry in your brain. When you are stressed it goes right past rational thinking and straight to fight or flight and the surge of adrenaline that comes with it. I couldn't control my kids and in the time where my mind was I thought that I was a horrible parent for not being able to have control.
When people hurt themselves it can be an automatic response. You can't control the outside sources but you can control that pain. It was like a smack in the face hearing this. I was happy there was an answer but why AGAIN was I not warned of this?! This is something that was never brought up by any classes or books, not even on a podcast I had listened to.
It is an intense story but I will go into farther detail in my episode. I really wanted to make this post so that people that are parents or are going into parenting with PTSD in their background can see what can happen if they don't pay attention to some things that can help. See the warning signs and help before you get to where I was.
Here are some things to look for, or that can help when parenting with PTSD.
1. Triggers: As a parent with PTSD, it's important to be aware of your triggers and how they may impact your parenting. Triggers can be anything that reminds you of a traumatic event. Even things like lighting, smells and sounds can cause intense emotional and physical reactions. It's important to identify your triggers and develop coping strategies to manage them, so they don't interfere with your ability to parent effectively.
2. Self-Care: Parenting can be demanding and stressful, especially when you have PTSD. It's crucial to prioritize self-care and take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. This may involve seeking therapy or counseling, practicing relaxation techniques, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and setting boundaries to ensure you have time for yourself. Taking care of yourself will not only benefit you but also enable you to be a more present and patient parent.
3. Communication: Open and honest communication is key when parenting with PTSD. It's important to communicate with your partner, family members, and friends about your needs, triggers, and limitations. By expressing your concerns and asking for support, you can create a supportive network that understands and respects your experiences. Additionally, it's important to communicate with your children in an age-appropriate manner about your PTSD, so they can better understand and empathize with your challenges.
I hope this can help someone out there going through the beginning stages of what I developed into. Please if you fall into any self harm aspect of this, SEEK HELP!! Your therapist will not call CPS to take your kids if you are not harming them. As parents I feel like half the reason we feel we cannot talk about the things we need to is judgment or the fear of getting our kids taken from us. The truth is our babies and children need us with our cups full and taken care of. It is our personal responsibility to ask for help and open up when it's necessary to get the help we need to heal through this trauma.
