When you have a child your whole life changes. (DUH!!) But I’m not just talking about the baby. The mother goes through so many hormonal and physical changes this often leads to a time of finding who she is again as a mother. The partner changes with the baby and their spouse.
When Postpartum depression and/or anxiety are involved this creates an even bigger change. Communication can get lost in hormones and sleepless nights. Empathy can go out the window when you’re both feeling unheard. One may not be seeing clearly or as they once did. Your relationship goes through many trials and tribulations because of this. Strength may feel like it’s fading. This person you once knew is lost. How do you even begin to deal with it??
When a relationship feels like it's falling apart after having kids and dealing with postpartum depression, it can be incredibly challenging to maintain a strong connection. Here are three things couples can do to keep their connection alive during this difficult time:
1.Practice Empathy and Understanding: It's crucial for both partners to practice empathy and understanding towards each other's experiences. Postpartum depression can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, mood swings, and a lack of interest in activities. It's important to recognize that these symptoms are not a reflection of your partner's love or commitment to the relationship. By showing empathy, offering support, and understanding the challenges your partner is facing, you can foster a sense of connection and solidarity.
2.Prioritize Self-Care and Support: Taking care of yourself is essential when dealing with postpartum depression and maintaining a healthy relationship. Both partners should prioritize self-care and seek support from friends, family, or support groups. This may involve taking breaks from parenting responsibilities, engaging in activities that bring you joy, and seeking professional help for your own mental health. By prioritizing self-care, you can better support each other and strengthen your connection as a couple.
3.Seek Professional Help: Postpartum depression can significantly impact both partners and the relationship. It's essential to seek professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to address and manage the effects of postpartum depression. A therapist can provide guidance, support, and strategies for coping with the challenges you're facing. They can also help you navigate the impact of postpartum depression on your relationship and provide tools for rebuilding your connection.
Remember, overcoming the challenges of postpartum depression and rebuilding a relationship takes time and effort from both partners. It's important to be patient, understanding, and committed to working through these difficulties together.
I often wonder if it’s harder for couple that have been together for a while and knew each other before kids for years to make this adjustment or if it’s harder for new couples. My husband and I had about 7 years together before we had kids. The Jacquie he knew was gone. For a long time. It took 4-5 years of PPD and PPA AND a mental breakdown for me to finally break free.
We are often so focused on keeping this little new being alive that we forget about ourselves and our relationships. It’s so common for this to happen!! You are not alone on your journey if you feel this way.
Hopefully these techniques can help you start to feel more of a bond again with your partner. No matter how deep you’re in it, there can always be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Stay tuned for my next episode with my husband and I speaking on our mental illness and the hardships it brought us as individuals and a couple. To say it was challenging is an understatement.
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