Wow, I actually recorded a 15-minute podcast episode. Now, that I forgot all about!
Packed in those 15 minutes though was a lot to reflect on. Here is my four-years-later take on Episode 5, "What Are Your Core Values?," of Season 1 of the podcast. Let's go.
[UPDATE (Sept 2024): I recently unpublished my Season 1 episodes, except for my guest episodes, a decision I didn't take lightly. I'm happy I have these reflections to capture the important parts of the episodes, and also trust that the content I want to keep will get integrated into future episodes.]
In this episode, I talked about how important it can be for two people in a relationship to have values that are similar or don't conflict.
Of course, there are exceptions to everything. But speaking from my own personal experience, I have found it challenging when my core values clash with the other person's most important values. Or it can be frustrating when my partner is totally indifferent to a core value that I live and breathe by.
One of my personal core values that translates over into relationships is personal growth (or self-development). In the context of relationships, I want to feel like we are growing together and not staying "stuck" in the same spot.
I've noticed that when a partner or friend seems to hit a wall with their willingness to do "the work" – whether that's the self or relational work – that's usually where I drop off.
It's not about me thinking I'm "better" than them, and they must do as I do (yuck). All of this is completely a work in progress for me, and I don't expect perfection from myself or anyone else.
Rather, it's about the reality that it does get harder and harder to relate to someone, work through conflicts effectively, and deepen the relationship when both people aren't examining the baggage they bring into the dynamic, unlearning conflict-evoking patterns, and practicing vulnerability and genuine connection.
It usually ends up meaning a lot of messy emotional labour. No thanks.
I also talked about examining our core values in the context of money. It's been interesting to see how the way I approach spending money has changed a bit as new core values have become more important in my life, particularly "home" and consistency.
It means that I'm willing to spend a lot more now than I previously would have to secure a place that will give me that sense of "home" and stability. I'm currently in that decision-making process and at times can feel myself pulling away from higher rental costs because of long-standing patterns. But understanding what I really need in my life right now, I feel good about changing up those patterns and making bigger investments into my living situation.
Identifying and reflecting on our core values can have some really great, practical value in many areas of our life. What are your core values? How do you see them translating into the different aspects of your life?
With love, Janice xo
