Transcript
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Hello, today on The Storied Human, we have something a little bit different. I'm chatting with Sue Ryerson, who you may remember from an earlier episode. She's a retired comedian. And she specializes in cash flow. She's an analyst for that. That's her job right now.
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We thought it might be fun to preview her podcast that she's planning. She's going to have like a Seinfeld style podcast about nothing. So we thought, since we love to talk about nothing, and end up talking about something, we would do that here, and I might actually make it a regular thing on my podcast. So we started out with funny stories about her mom and my mother in law, moved into some commentary on the Instagram life, talked about her mom's terrible accident and how that's going, which is really good.
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Actually, she's making great progress. Talked about Sue's pull to come home six months before her mother's accident, how she just felt this overwhelming need to move from Florida back home to New Jersey.
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And we ended up with a commentary about as you get older, how you weed out your friends list. So I really enjoyed talking to her. I hope you do too. And we'll get on with it on the story of human Thanks.
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Hello, and welcome to the story human. This is Lynne Thompson, happy to bring something a little different today. I might want to call it comic relief.
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I'm not sure. But I get to chat.
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I'm not going to interview anyone. I'm going to have a chat with my ex sister in law. Sue Ryerson. She's back. You might remember I interviewed her earlier. She is a retired comedian. And she's working as a cash flow specialist. She has a lot of wonderful stories about her family. And as we got talking, she said she might want to start a podcast herself, and it would be about nothing. She has a great Facebook group. It's called nuttin. And it's one of the funniest things I've ever read. And if you remember, Seinfeld was pushing a show within his show about nothing.
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And it made a lot of sense. So anyway, we thought we'd give this a try. And she has a story to share with me to start us off about her mom. So welcome, Sue.
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Hey, Lenny, great to have you back.
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That's good to be back. This is I have such a good time doing this. Yeah. So we've had previous conversations about our families, and you're well acquainted with mine. So they have an extra little something for you. My 88 year old mother and I go to Walmart on Saturdays, okay. And while we're driving, we share little things.
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We and we laugh me I make her laugh. That's a big deal for her. She just loves to giggle and stuff like that. Well, she decided she would make me laugh.
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Last Saturday. We're driving home and she decides to talk about the time she asked the guy out. Now, mind you, this is the 50s and I said I'm so I'm almost went off the road. I'm like you did wha it's a big deal. You said he was very cute. And it was a some kind of a dance where the girls asked the guy, guys.
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There's a name for that. I forget what they call it. Yeah.
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J there's like a really weird, like prom. But anyway.
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Named after a girl. I can't remember what they call it. But then you're allowed to do that.
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Isn't that funny?
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Yeah. So he was one of if there was a big group of them. That all hung out all the friends, boys and girls. And one night he was driving. He was a year older. So he had his license. So when he had a big car, and there was like eight of them in the car. She should have been dropped off like second or third. But she told her friends.
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I'm just going to stay with Henry. And I'll see you guys tomorrow. And everybody was looking at her. So including Henry. So he drops everybody off, and it's just her and Henry in the car. And she said so I just looked at him and said, Henry, I'm sure you're wondering why I stayed around. And she said I was so nervous talking to him. And I said, so what did you do? And she said, Well, I said, you know the dance is coming up in a couple of weeks. Would you like to go with me? And she goes, and he said yes. I said, Well, I can see why. And she goes, yeah, so that's when we started dating. And then it was prom time. But she goes you know, I couldn't ask him. And she said, and there were three other guys that wanted to ask me and he was taking his time and I went There were not one, not two. There were three other guys. She goes, Well, three that I knew of. I was like, we're not holding back today. We're not being shy. That's awfully cute.
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Yeah. So yes, sorry. That was weird. Network trouble. Alright, so she she was trying to get a message through to the guy. You better hurry up. There's other guys, right?
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Yeah, because she was going to accept one of the three other offers that she was very funny because she was just smiling from ear to ear telling me this.
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And then she continued dating this guy. He went to Korea, she wrote to him every single night.
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Oh my gosh. And you know, well, that's the all they had was letters then. Yeah. And then she meets my dad. And I said, so you know, I'm like joining him with her and I say, oh, and then he was like, so funny and handsome and you couldn't resist them.
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And she goes, No, he was funny, but he didn't think he was that handsome. And like you just don't expect your mother to say to No, Mom, you're supposed to say that he swept you off your feet. And but she didn't. She was just it's like, no, not really. Okay, what's even funnier? Because your father was handsome. He's handsome. You know, he's got the dark hair and that he did you know, I mean, it's just so funny.
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But apparently, she had such a bevy of boyfriends. Actually.
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It's like, in comparison, he wasn't that handsome. But you might hear that.
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I'm just fascinated with that.
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You know, we had a very similar story from Rich's Aunt, Aunt Liz. She's still alive. His mother died and, and she was gorgeous. Phyllis. Phyllis was gorgeous. These pictures of her when she was young. She just was so beautiful. And aunt Liz is a lot younger. So she watched her sister, like, date all these athletes and she had a lot of boys interested in her too. And so when she met Bill, her, her husband to be he was like eight years older, fresh in from World War Two. Like it was enough of of a age difference that he was in a different war, you know?
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Wow. And they met at some Catholic like Cy Oh dance. And she just really liked him. She thought, you know, I think this guy's the one and I remember Liz said First she said, You know, I didn't really think that much of him at first. Because he was like, really tall and skinny with big ears. And he was a very smiley, sweet man. But, you know, she had like athletes on her arm, right? But Liz said she got to know him. When she got to know him. Then she understood why her sister liked him so much. Because he was he was kind and he was steady. And he was attractive. You know, but it's so funny how your mother was very honest. She's like, Well, no, not at first.
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But I was like, but you know, you just when they catch you off guard like that. I was just like, what you didn't think that was handsome? Oh my god. And I said, just very skinny. Yeah, that and she said he really was kind of gawky looking. You know, because he was just so skinny and so tall. I think he Yeah, you know, and I said, Well, your mother Julia. And she said my mother fed him every night. He would just come to the house and she would feed him. Of course she did. You know, so that he filled out a little bit. But she said, My God, he was so skinny.
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I didn't see him skinny. You know, by the time I came along, he had filled out and he had, he was very nice look, and he had a big, you know, big chest. Big arms strong. But I was just but it's just funny to hear. Like my mother never said anything like that about my dad. That he wasn't I didn't think he was at hands.
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So different when they're older.
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Right? And they tell you like these weird things. I know. We thought we thought what Aunt Liz said was hysterical. She's like, Well, I wasn't that impressed. I was like, Why didn't you pick one of the athletes? But then she got to know him and realized how sweet he was what Phyllis knew better. Like that's what I loved about this story is that she was like, yeah, they're cute, but you know, not to marry. Like she knew better.
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there for fun. there for fun. That was fun. Yep. And to wear on your arm.
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That's exactly that was I just and my husband loved that story because, you know, he never heard Liz talk about his mom like that. And it was a very sweet story very pro. Bill, you know, very pro his dad. So I mean, his dad was, I think the sweetest person I've ever known except for my mom.
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Well, he was just very, very good. He was the kind of guy like, well kinda like World War two kind of guy, right?
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Those kind of guys like were they? They see you and they ask about your relative and they remember that they were ill or they remember that. Yeah, thoughtfulness that's just lightness that's kind of gone now. That's what he was, like, whenever he would see me. He'd say, hey, How's your mom doing is she's still having trouble with the, you know, the, the illness and, or, Hey, say hi to so and so. Like, there's just that sweetness, you know, just not a lot of people like that anymore. I seen it true.
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Me, I just, I I'm fortunate enough that I have several friends in my life, that religiously. I asked about, my mom asked about my dad, my sister, my brother is always the family. But we grew up we know each other 56 years now. Wow.
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Yeah. So we've known each other since we're five and have always stayed close. Wow, that's so it's so it's, we don't know just each other. We know every single thing about each other. We know every single thing about our families. Yes, you know, and we've always kept up with it.
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Um, I'll be going to lunch with two of them. Next month, we try to meet meet up every other month now. I moved away, I moved back. One of them moved away, she moved back. And we're like, we told the third one, like you're not allowed to go anywhere, we're back together.
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So just just stay put. But it's, we went for many, many years without seeing each other because of the distance. And when but we would talk and, you know, with with old friends, you cannot talk for years, and it doesn't really matter. It's so wonderful. I have some people like that in my life. You're right. It's just so different.
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You know, what I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of when I used to visit my uncle. At the end of his life, he was in an assisted living. And I used to visit him.
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And one day his friend Bobby came over, and they were both in World War Two. They're both they were both of that era. And Bobby was talking about, he got to new knees, he was talking about his knee surgeries. And he was telling us all about it and how he feels like so much better and his energy. And his kindness.
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You know, they were both so respectful of me and so kind to me, and so interested in what I had to say. And I'm like, What is this? And I think it is it's like the that the greatest generation. That's what they say about those, those guys.
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And I fear for as the generations go by, I get more and more scared. I just don't think we're breathing it into it. They don't like it's not so interesting. I you know what's so funny too, is like, I'm doing this, I'm pulling together a presentation on grief. And one of the things I pinpointed was, I remember going to funerals the first couple of funerals, I had to go to as an adult. And I saw all the older adults. And they were like comforting each other and hugging each other and talking about the meal that they had planned afterwards. And they gathered the hearts for the person and they just seem to know how to do it. And I don't think we're passing that on.
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Like, I don't really know how to do it. Well, it's worse.
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Everything is so shallow now in order to be so thing is immediate. You know, it's like the immediate gratification that everybody needs. Yeah, you know, there's no waiting for something to happen or something good to come along. You want it right now. It's so true. And I think it's with the grieving again, I think it's let's get past this right now.
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You're right, I think there should be a formality to it. Like there's I think there should be certain steps. I can explain it to kind of say you you're able to embrace it better. I'd say it has happened.
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They have passed. I miss them. I love them.
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To know how to do it. I brought up that example if you've ever seen them. It's a Wonderful Life. Yes, that's such a great movie. I love that movie. And right after George's father dies, he shows up at a meeting at the Bailey building alone.
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And he has a black armband, around his suit jacket, like up on his upper arm. It's a black armband. It lets everyone know that He's grieving for someone.
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And we don't do that anymore.
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It's a great thing to do.
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Because you walk around and you're feeling you know, really sad and if you're feeling kind of, you know, vulnerable and you're barely like engaging in the same way for a little while you're you're out in the world but you're not in great shape.
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And that black armband let people know. Like Be gentle with me. You know? I think that was cool. We don't I don't think it would work. Now we don't. Social media has basically destroyed so many things.
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You don't think you were pressing You're probably right.
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I mean, people are like, Oh, who cares? You know, tell it to someone who cares?
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No, you know what it is? I don't think it's that we're so busy pretending that our lives are better than they are. Yeah, that we can't let anybody see that, you know, that vulnerable side that oh my god, I am so distraught. I am. I'm in despair. I just we don't. We'll announce it. Yeah, you know, I see people go, you know, I lost my best friend, I lost my dad.
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So that everybody it's almost like, the invitation is everybody say, I'm sorry. But we're gonna move on real quick from there. Like, let's go to the next post. And I'm like, I'm like, This is so lacking because we're not doing anything in person anymore. Yeah.
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And I know, when we were little kids, if somebody was a widow, she wore black for a long time.
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Especially if she was Italian.
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Yeah. Oh, my gosh. But that means that everybody knew she, you know, was in that state and that people could do things for her and that people recognized.
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You know, being in grief is like a special state of your life.
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It's like a special time. It's a horrible time, you know, but it's, you're, you're moving through life. But it's nice that we used to have signals. But you're right, they might not even work now.
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I just it just to me, the world is just gotten so much colder.
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Yes, just gets I think we're both kind of sensitive to the world feels brutal to me. Then just the regular world it does.
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It feels brutal. People feel more brutal, is the only word I can come up with. You remind me so much of what they were talking about, like the damage that Instagram does the Instagram life, where everybody looks so perfect. And what I mean, it's hard not to get a little, you know, I if I look at it too much. I feel like Oh, My life sucks, man, I don't look so good either.
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I get a kick out. When I know somebody real well on Facebook, like I've grown up with them, and I know them real well. And I know that the things are posting are a lie. I know it's a lie, like I know differently. Like one friend that goes on and on about her son and her daughter.
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Her daughter's a very nice girl, her son's an asshole. Her son's an alcoholic. He's mean, he treats everybody like shit, including his parents. But if you read her posts, you would think he was the most wonderful boy in the world. He's the shining one. Yeah, I know. You mean that. And it's always like, her life is just full of joy. And then if I call her talk once in a while, but she'll see like, and she acts like she has all this money. And like, I know, she doesn't. I know she does. So if I'm talking to her, it's a different story. She'll be like, yeah, Joe lost his job. So we don't know what we're gonna do.
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We don't even have insurance.
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It's the complete opposite of what she's you know? And I'm like, Yeah, and I'm like, so how many people are doing that? Like how many people are putting on a face? And like, you know, I'm like, that's just beat this. Why can't you just say like my life average, Ahsoka puts like, it's just normal. Just gotta average life. Especially.
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It's okay, you know, it's okay to have what it there's some quotation out there by thickets token it's like there's nothing.
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I'm going to mangle it, but it was something like there's nothing wrong with the simple life. Happy, simple life. Yeah.
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Usually, you know, I was very used to a very hectic life. I was in the limelight sometimes.
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No, I traveled the law was a very different lifestyle than I have. Now. I love my life now. I love being quiet and having a quiet place to live. And I will have to, I don't have to contend with anybody in my house.
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Stress the cutest dog in the world. That is part of it.
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I have like my best companion.
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That's my little buddy. We hang out together all the time. We do he we go shopping together. We do everything together.
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People are so crazy about that dog. I'm not I'm not telling. I can't even tell you. Like we all see him and no, he's he's like the best dog. He's adorable.
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He's just so cool. He's a really cool dog. Ah, yeah. So if going back even 10 years my life was completely different. Yeah, wildly different. But I don't like feel I don't feel the need to like post things that aren't true. I'll just be like hanging out with the dog. Like, here we are sleeping.
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Like you know, this came up when my dad died. He died last Christmas like a year and couple of months ago. And it was, you know, it's definitely time for him to go because he had dementia. And if he had survived, you know, he would have had to go to memory care.
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So I felt like it was a good time to slip away. But, but writing about it was very difficult for me because, you know, I wasn't going to sugarcoat it. You know, there was no way I was going to do that. I wasn't going to be like, Oh, no, I miss him so much.
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Okay, I will miss him. He was my dad. Right. So I started the whole thing with Well, it's complicated, you know? Because it was it was complicated. I set the good things I did. But I didn't go like, Oh, you know how people go. And people really responded to it. I cannot believe how people responded to that. They said, Yeah, it's not it's not. It's not always so cut and dry. When you lose someone.
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It's, it's, you know, it's jumbled up, you know, and they knew I wasn't dissing him. I was just admitting that he was not an easy person. You know. I was telling the truth. And that's where I'm at, you know? Well, I have very ambivalent feelings about my dad. I love my dad. totally get it. He's extremely difficult. He's bipolar. He's bipolar. without medication.
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Yeah, we clashed because of that. And then we've talked about it that he understands that I got it from him. I'm like that they'll know like this.
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You're the one that had it in the first place. And his mother had it and his sister had it.
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Like, he said, Yeah, so I got it. And then I'm like I said, that doesn't make me angry that I got it from you. It was inherited. There's nothing you can do about it. I got blue eyes from mom. So it's the same thing. Doesn't matter. Its genetic. so nicely. You to say it that way. Yeah, it's true.
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Yeah. And then I'm like, you just you get good. And you get bad, you know? So like, yeah. So I'm like, I still got the blue eyes. And I have really good hair. So Mike, I'm thinking I'm winning.
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But let's look at the let's look at the good here. Yeah.
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I'm like, I don't like it all evens out. But um, so he's very difficult because of that. And we clash because of that, because very hard for me to be around him as an unmedicated bipolar. Because I react to that. He, he's, he's very, very self centered. Like this whole time that when my we've been going through a horror show with my mom, getting run over by a car at 87 years old, and rehab a very, very difficult time. It was mostly about him. You know, and we had, we had screaming matches, we had actual screaming matches, oh, my god, go ahead with me going, your wife got run over your wife of 67 years got run over by a car. I think that's what we should be talking about and what we should be dealing with? Wow. You know, because, you know, I was just like, You got to be, you've got to be kidding me. He'd be like, well, what am I going to do?
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What are you going to do? You have your whole family. She's in a rehab, where people are being that your wish was being neglected giving the wrong medications, and wasn't able to walk? And what are you going to do? Yeah, but you know, it's almost natural, though, I think for men of that generation, because they were so catered to. And they were so used to having this partner. They I think what he was really saying was, I don't know how to live my life without her.
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And he doesn't. And he doesn't carry right. I introduced him to I found out I had it on, like, I had to find a way to deal with him while all that was going on because it was just me and him in the house. So I had to take over the financial stuff for them, because he had never even written the check. Oh, my goodness, nothing, and never did any of the finances. So I you know, I just I went to the bank and explained to them, you know, I'll be dealing with this. You'd have questions tell me. Let me you know, and they were good about it, because they all knew my mom, and they knew what happened to her. So I did everything online. I paid all their bills online, I created accounts for them and paid everything online. Well, my dad was scared to death. And so I'm thinking you know what, and 93 That's gotta be weird. Yeah, definitely.
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You know, it's got to be a weird thing. So what I did, I said, I said, I'm going to tell you what happens that and then I'm going to show you. So I told him, I said, I'm gonna go online, and I'm gonna pay the phone bill, the cell phone bill, they said, and then I'm going to switch over to your bank account. And it's going to be taken out already. In those 30 seconds. He looks at me like I'm crazy. So I did it. I sat him down with me.
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I put him next to me. Put the laptop up in front of us, went in and I showed him how I just click click, click, paid the bill. I switched over. I brought up your checking account and the money had come out. That's so cool. You showed him. Yep. And he just went you. He was like a little boy. Yes. When he went, Oh my God. Yeah, that's me.
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mazing eats the mystery out of it. You showed him this happens. Yeah.
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So then he wasn't he was comfortable. He was very uncomfortable with me dealing with the finances. He had never had anybody but his wife. You know, my mother do it. Yeah. So this was very odd for him, you noticed was so strange, his youngest daughter was taking care of things that was weird for him. You know, and paying everything online was just like a no, no, my mother mailed everything.
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Yes, some people still do. You know? And I'm like, Well, you know, when I'm like, why even tried to make them change and do things differently? I'm like, I'm, I'm doing it. So it's easy. I can just change.
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But it was, thank God, they have you. Because I think it's harder to shift like that when you're that old or change partner to like, figure out. Just that weirdness of having your mother out of the house. Having you taken care of stuff is just at that age. God bless him. It's just hard.
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That's it. And it left its mark.
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It left his mark on everybody.
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You know, we're just in approximately eight seconds.
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Everything in life that we knew was like was changed.
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Oh, my God. I know your mom's doing. Let's tell people. Your mom's doing a lot better, right.
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She's doing okay. The trauma.
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We're going to try to get some counseling done. The trauma had its effect.
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She must be. Yeah. How did it happen? Huh? How did it happen?
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I never asked you.
00:26:53.009 --> 00:27:59.909
She was Wednesday mornings at 830. She and dad religiously for the past 22 years, went to shop by Tuesday do their grocery shopping every Wednesday morning. This Wednesday, they went my dad's legs had gotten so bad that he would drive her. But he wouldn't walk with her. He would just stay in the car and wait for her. He just kept her company on a ride. So she got out of the car and she started walking towards the store. And the guy next to them parked next to them facing out. They'll be backed into space. So he was facing out. Just pulled out, hit her center 20 feet, and then continued rolling. And his right front tire ended up on her pelvis. Oh my god. And it shattered her pelvis. She broke three ribs. Her shoulder I took a lot of the meat off of her right arm because she slid Oh my god. And I just was she was awake the whole time. The whole Oh my god. Talk about trauma.
00:27:55.348 --> 00:28:11.219
And that's what I was like, how do you ever get? How do you adjust to that? You don't you can't by yourself. Right? You're right. And that was my main thing when she started to heal.
00:28:08.429 --> 00:28:19.979
Like I said, let's you know we were concentrated on having her heal like they, you know, they put her pelvis back together.
00:28:16.679 --> 00:28:26.969
Her ribs healed her shoulder healed, and most of the skin came back on her arm. And I was like, okay, and all the physical stuff is much easier to heal.
00:28:27.449 --> 00:28:51.209
But I'm like, But what she went through and I'm like, and in relation to that what we went through. Yes. Is a whole nother I'm like that's a different type of healing. And it's not as easy, right? So, as usual, I got ignored. I'm like, no, no, I'm like, I know these things. I'm like, I know these better than you guys. Because I have to do this all the time.
00:28:51.299 --> 00:29:10.470
You do all of these things. You know, what hits me the most about this is how hard it is when something just comes out of nowhere. Right? The shock of just having something you never thought would happen happened to you. And it was just so grueling. What you what you just described?
00:29:10.980 --> 00:29:38.609
It was it was we really, we took honestly, we took several days to actually say, oh my god, it really did happen. Like you're just Yeah. You know, you're on remote control for a while like, Oh, yeah. My dad calls me from the parking lot and very calmly because he had already gone into shock. He just says Sue's mom got hit by a car. So could you meet us at Jersey Shore Medical.
00:29:39.509 --> 00:30:35.039
My God. I just went, Okay. I'll be there as fast as I can. I'm like, Is she alive? And he said, Oh, yeah, we're in the ambulance. And I said, Okay, and we're both like, talking like we normally talk. And I said, All right, that I'll call Bobby. I'm Robin and I'll be on my way. So I well, I called Robin. I called Bobby but he was getting on a plane on his way to Florida or something was real messed up. So he got the news later. But I broke every speed law. World. I just started going through red lights, I would just honk and keep going. I was more. I was afraid I wasn't gonna get there in time. Yeah, I was I didn't want to leave my father to deal with that on his own.
00:30:36.150 --> 00:30:57.779
And even imagine what that felt like. He was in shock. He does. He just when I got to the emergency room mom was just laying there. And dad, like, you could just see in his eyes. He wasn't there. He was going Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'm like, time to take over. And I walked over to my mom, and she's awake. And I'm going, Oh, my God, she's awake. She's awake.
00:30:58.410 --> 00:31:01.259
And she's talking but also saying is oh my god, it hurts.
00:31:01.349 --> 00:31:27.839
Oh, my God, this hurts. Oh, right. And then but this is like to add a little humor to it. She goes, did they cut my jacket off? I said, well, they had to mom. Oh, no, I love that jacket on. And I said, Well, I'll buy another one. I did. I bought her the same jacket. And I'm like, covered over by a car that she's worried about her check.
00:31:28.710 --> 00:31:32.279
Think about? Yeah, the things we think of so crazy.
00:31:33.180 --> 00:32:06.809
And then we realized that she was laying there and Lena and I'm going if you get run over by a car more than likely you have internal bleeding. That's a bigger deal than a crushed pelvis or broken ribs. Yeah. So I'm waiting. And I'm waiting and like, I really am going, something's wrong. Like nobody's even coming in the room. I go to the nurse's station. And I go, excuse me, but I said my mother has been here like an hour. And nobody's even gone in the room.
00:32:03.480 --> 00:32:31.349
And like, gave her the name. And she goes, Oh, she got hit by a car. And I went, No, she got run over by a car. Ooh. And the girl she looked at me and I went get a doctor in there. Now I said, I cannot believe that you had to roll and I'm like, turning purple. So she goes, Well, this is going to be a few minutes.
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:31.349
And I went oh, no, it's not.
00:32:32.339 --> 00:32:35.819
Went through, you know? Yeah.
00:32:32.339 --> 00:32:38.759
Went now. So by the time I've walked back to the room, there was a very nice doctor in there.
00:32:39.690 --> 00:32:49.319
He's trying to talk to my dad and my dad can't answer my dad just looking at him. I'm not answering. So I explained to him what happened. And when I he said, Oh, she got hit by a car.
00:32:49.319 --> 00:32:54.569
I said no. She got run over.
00:32:49.319 --> 00:32:54.569
Right across her midsection.
00:32:54.750 --> 00:32:58.109
That's horrifying. Right? The difference is horrifying.
00:32:58.349 --> 00:33:33.750
Yeah. He went white. This doctor just all the colors drained out of his face. And he went we're gonna hit it. She was upstairs and getting x rayed and getting casket because he said he knew she had internal bleeding. He knew she could have died. So he got it. And he kept us because she had to have that done her pelvis done. Everything done in very short order to keep her going to make sure she said alive. But he was wonderful. He would track me and Robin because by this time Robin had gotten to the hospital, he would track us down to update us on everything.
00:33:34.079 --> 00:34:06.450
That's so good. And orthopedic came out. And he said, I gotta tell you something, because I've never met a woman like your mother before. And I'm like, Nah, she's pretty unusual. isn't original. And he said her pelvis is probably going to be better than yours. It's going to be brand new. So she's doing okay, she walks fairly well. She still needs a walker from time to time or a cane. Just very unsteady, but she's also at eight.
00:34:07.380 --> 00:34:09.179
For ADH she's doing pretty great.
00:34:09.630 --> 00:34:31.289
Yeah, I guess she goes. I mad because I'm wobbling. I'm like, I hate to tell you this. You were a little wobbly before you got like it out. Yeah, our expectations were a little unreal. So I've been kind of like working with her on that going like mom you're doing an amazing job.
00:34:31.498 --> 00:34:45.659
She obviously was in pretty good shape though. Because she she came back you know, my mother took very good care of herself. She went to the doctor regularly she ate very well.
00:34:39.809 --> 00:34:51.869
Didn't she didn't they walk now it was just their jobs. They were always on their feet and on their feet and they were active.
00:34:48.599 --> 00:35:11.940
Yeah, very active. They were both very active my mother days off yeah. And that's what that you know, that's the orthopedic said he goes. Her bones are fantastic. He wasn't he couldn't believe it. And he goes, your mom was really, she was really in good shape. I said, Yeah, she was in amazing shape. I said, she still shopped on her own, took care of her own home cooked everyday.
00:35:12.329 --> 00:35:40.349
You did everything. Yeah. That's amazing, though. And so that's why you bounced back. I remember, I had a friend who play tennis a lot. And she was very, very heavy. But she played tennis all the time. She was one of those people who's very heavy, but very fit. It's unusual. It's about a third of all obese people are fit. And when she got into a terrible car accident, the she came back like really well, she was in her 40s.
00:35:40.588 --> 00:35:49.469
And the doctor said, your muscles saved you your tennis muscles. Yeah, it's like amazing how you know how you go in affects how you come out.
00:35:49.710 --> 00:36:04.829
Now what I was thinking is in keeping into the grieving theme that we've been on. In a way, I think myself and my whole family were grieving my mother while she's still here.
00:36:06.719 --> 00:36:34.050
Oh, yeah, that happens. We're like, I I came back to be with my mom. And I'm like, wow, this is only I feel like it's the shadow of my mom. I'm, like, taken away. Yeah. You know, the trauma was just so overwhelming, that she's very different. I mean, she's still my mom. She's still funny. And we still have a great time. And I love her. But she's different. She's not the mom from a year ago.
00:36:34.349 --> 00:36:51.028
It's a loss. Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. And I don't think we I have this like thing in my head. You have to name it to heal it right. If you don't name it. You don't realize it. Like, you don't name it.
00:36:46.199 --> 00:36:53.278
It's grief. It's a loss. And of course, you still love your mom, and you're doing great with her.
00:36:53.278 --> 00:36:54.898
And, but But it's different.
00:36:55.440 --> 00:37:07.860
Yes. Yeah. And for my intellect, the relationship with dad, because my dad changed. Yeah, you know, you should write this stuff down, you should write a story.
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:12.840
I, you know, I start doing it.
00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:17.070
And then I stopped and then I start doing it is it's hard to stay with that. I know, I'm the worst.
00:37:18.119 --> 00:37:30.329
And I keep saying well, that, you know, I'm like, Well, the story never stops. And I'm like, boy, I never will. I'm like on my last day on earth. Okay, the end.
00:37:33.300 --> 00:37:36.329
Also true, though, it's so true.
00:37:33.300 --> 00:37:42.360
You know, we were talking about this a lot when, you know, my daughter moved to Australia, and she married an Australian, and she's probably gonna live there.
00:37:42.570 --> 00:37:57.030
Like, they talked about coming here for a while, but he works for the government. So they're probably going to be there for the foreseeable future. And I didn't name that for a while. I didn't name what that was. That was a loss. That was grief.
00:37:57.179 --> 00:38:00.900
Yeah. And she was really sad, because she heard me say it.
00:38:00.900 --> 00:38:14.039
Like she's been working her way through the episodes of the Podcast, the podcast. And she goes, Mom, I heard you say that you. You were grieving this time that you weren't going to have with me. And I was like, well, it's just my reality. I'm fine.
00:38:14.039 --> 00:38:23.130
I'm working on it. Don't worry about it, you know, cuz she was like, all worried about me? And I was like, no, no, it's just that I had to give up a dream of how I thought it would be.
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:39.150
Right? Well, I thought it would be and she goes, Oh, I know, you're really close with your mom. And I said, Yeah, and it's not going to be like that with us. Like, I just thought there'd be a little bit of time, where I would do stuff with my adult daughter, like, I would go to lunch, and I would go shopping.
00:38:39.150 --> 00:38:51.389
And you know, we would talk a lot. And that's just not going to happen. And I had to let that go. And it's not like this huge, terrible thing. It's just, it's good. I recognized it took me a while to recognize it.
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:58.199
I mean, like you go through grieving when your children leave your home, whether they live down the block, or they live with you.
00:38:58.380 --> 00:39:22.230
It's so true. The Empty Nest man I am. Somebody said to me, like while you're doing all this stuff, and I'm like, Well, you got to fill that emptiness. I'm trying, I'm trying. But I think it's really important to name it and then you can heal it. You know, give it a name. Really look at what it is. Loss is so much a part of so many things right. Love and loss. Those are the biggies.
00:39:23.340 --> 00:39:50.940
Oh, yeah. And one can lead to the other so much, they're intertwined. And then I did a really short workshop on regret. And that kind of comes in to this whole grief thing because sometimes we just have regrets. You know, you wish you had said something to someone or you wish you had done more for someone and if they're gone, you can't, you know? Yeah.
00:39:51.809 --> 00:40:03.659
So I always try to tell people go, you know, like, if they're hesitating or they're like, should I help my mother or should I go? I'm like you should go be because you don't want to regret that you that you didn't go.
00:40:04.500 --> 00:40:12.690
That's it. I was out with Robin and her girlfriend, Diane, on Sunday, we spent the whole day down in Asbury Park and had a ball.
00:40:12.780 --> 00:40:18.539
I saw those pictures, it looked like fun. Oh, we had such a good time. Have a beautiful day, beautiful day.
00:40:18.539 --> 00:40:27.150
And it was the first time I got out of the house and did nothing for a whole day in the urine over a year. So it felt really good. You needed that.
00:40:29.309 --> 00:41:28.320
I lost my train of thought when the regret. When we were talking, I started to regret living away from home when I was in Florida, because I kept going, you know, times going on mom and dad are really getting up there. I gotta go. And I telling Robin on Sunday said it wasn't just that there was more of a sense of urgency that I needed to go home. Not that I should go home. And they said there's a big difference. And I said, I probably I sold my place down there. Just when real estate was going crazy. If I had waited another two months, I probably would have doubled that I got Wow. And I said and I knew that the realtor told me and she was like you're crazy. Just wait. And I said no, I can't.
00:41:23.820 --> 00:41:59.219
And look what year she was like, why not? Like I said, I have to get home. My parents I have to get home. And she was like, Well, are they sick? And I'm like, No, yeah, but what I have, and it was just like this thing and me I kept going I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. And I just left. It was like I sold the house at the same day of the closing, I took off and moved back to Jersey. And I said, and I said I said something I was dealt with something was going to happen. I just didn't know what it was my God now how soon after, did she get run over? Six months.
00:41:59.550 --> 00:42:15.630
Oh, my God. You were you were feeling something you were pulled to come back yet. And it was weird because it wasn't like, it was like simple library. Okay, so you better go back home because your mother nothing like that.
00:42:15.690 --> 00:42:24.809
No, but you felt it, you felt something? Well, you probably felt like that feeling, you know, eventually something might happen that they can't handle on their own.
00:42:26.219 --> 00:42:31.079
And I have been getting concerned, you know, I mean, I only talk to them on the phone.
00:42:28.079 --> 00:43:06.119
But sometimes I feel like you can get an get an idea of what's going on somebody's life better when they're not face to face with you. Yeah. It's because you're listening to them. You're not watching their feet, you're listening to the tone of their voice. And that tells you everything. And I would just catch my mom like talking about, like how things were getting difficult. There was a strain here, strain there. And I'm going you know what, like, things are not as good as we think they are. Right? And she's starting to crack a little bit.
00:43:06.420 --> 00:43:08.969
So you picked up on that. Yeah, you heard it.
00:43:09.420 --> 00:43:25.289
Yeah. Well, she could she did the same with me. She would. I used to hate when she would call. And I would try to like if something was going wrong, and I didn't want her to know. Yeah, I pick up Tonko Hi, Mama. Chicka what's wrong? Wait a minute.
00:43:25.590 --> 00:43:28.440
Yeah. I thought I did that.
00:43:25.590 --> 00:43:45.179
Really? She would just laugh and she'd go, you know, you can't fool your mother. I'm like, no, yes. And I could hear it in her voice. I was just like, it's just not as good as she's pretending it is. I'm like something. It's it's starting to happen. Like the age thing is really starting to happen.
00:43:46.228 --> 00:43:48.298
You're more sensitive, I think to stuff.
00:43:49.019 --> 00:44:15.210
People with bipolar are known to be empaths. There you go. So which kind of sucks because they feel things about people and I really don't want to. Yeah. Good and bad. Like what I just a funny aside. I can actually stand next to somebody and just go not good. And walk away.
00:44:15.630 --> 00:44:19.019
Oh, yeah, I do that to energy.
00:44:15.630 --> 00:44:36.599
Yep. Yep. So my friend me as a comedian. So funny. I tell her this. And she's like, that is so cool. And I'm like, well, it's not really cool, man. It's very scary at times. I said, because I don't always. I'm not always ready for that feeling to come. Yeah.
00:44:36.750 --> 00:44:45.000
Right. So we're standing outside of a club one night, and there's a group of people standing at our so called wannabe comedians.
00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:51.449
We call them the wannabes because they're really not funny and they shouldn't be on stage.
00:44:47.039 --> 00:45:10.860
And it was one girl big heavyset girl that was being overly friendly. And we're walking past and she grabs me and hugs me and I actually physically pushed her away. Wow. I just pushed her. It was one of the worst feelings I've ever had being close to somebody. And me It caught it.
00:45:11.280 --> 00:45:34.019
And it looked at me like, walk the other way, like walk around her. Yeah. So when you did and she said, what was that? And I said, I said, I don't know. But there's something really bad about her. And feel it. Yep. So then me. Me it goes. Alright, so if I meet a guy, and you stand next to him, I'm like, No, it doesn't work like that.
00:45:41.550 --> 00:45:52.378
Immediately, she's like, wait a minute, I could put this to use just somebody and then you could tell me whether he's an asshole or not the hassle detector?
00:45:47.969 --> 00:46:18.599
Yeah, yeah. I didn't want to tell her but I probably could have. probably could have done that. So that does happen to me. Yeah. I just know. And isn't it weird when you're with, um, with a small group of people? And I know something bad's going down and they don't. They're oblivious. Yeah, it's it's the weirdest feeling. I'm like, we got to get out of here. They're like, why? Like, something bad is happening. Just trust me.
00:46:16.349 --> 00:46:42.030
You've got to get out of here. And you sound like a whack job. You sound like you're crazy. You do. Yeah. So I mean, I ended up keeping those bursts to myself a lot. Like, I can't even explain to you what I just felt. But I felt it. Yeah. Yeah.
00:46:35.250 --> 00:47:08.369
So but it's true. I can be the out in public or I can be walking through a store. And just honestly got brushed past somebody and go, I gotta get out of here. Yeah, I mean, it's, it's so strong some days. I think it's just like, their energy level. Yeah, that energy level. But conversely, I can walk past somebody and automatically know, I should smile at them. Because I get a good energy from them.
00:47:08.670 --> 00:47:26.219
Yeah. Yeah. Some people. You don't even know them, but they lift you up when you're with them. Yep. It's so true. So we're just more sensitive to that stuff. And I think that's why crowds bother me because I can't do all that energy. For so long. I can only do it for a certain amount of time.
00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:35.880
I get overwhelmed. Because there's so much of it coming in at the same time. Me too. So and now I'm gonna wreck loose anyways.
00:47:40.230 --> 00:47:43.409
Nothing wrong with being you know, comfortable with your own company.
00:47:44.969 --> 00:47:57.389
I don't know if you saw on Facebook, I posted a very famous scene from Madea Tyler Perry's Madea. Yes, I did. Okay, about let them go. Yeah, let him go.
00:47:54.028 --> 00:48:15.148
Some people are there for a season, there's a leaf there, the branch or the roots. That's how I am now. It's just like, I'm very settled into your relief. Euro branch. And you are rude. You know, and I even sent a message to one of my friends.
00:48:12.358 --> 00:48:15.148
I said, you're one of my routes.
00:48:15.329 --> 00:48:43.889
Oh, that's so nice. You know, so and it's recognizing that and, you know, like you. And that's how I started to not No pun intended. How I started to weed out some people. Yeah, that's important. You know, and just go your relief, you know, your relief, back and forth, or you're a branch if I, if I need you, you're gonna break. You won't be it's just really important to know, right? And to decide who you can count on.
00:48:44.369 --> 00:48:55.199
It's much healthier. Oh, my God, it's so much healthier. It is to get those toxic people away. Oh my god. It's like, I've been in heaven. Oh my god, this is wonderful.
00:48:56.219 --> 00:49:09.179
I know. And I think sometimes, we're taught that we have to, you know, be nice and make it work with friends and always put up with people. I know, I get into situations where I'm always putting up with someone and now I'm older and I'm like, why?
00:49:11.188 --> 00:49:16.378
What does this person bring me?
00:49:11.188 --> 00:49:38.730
Besides, you know, annoyance and heartache, because I had one shall never listen to this because we haven't talked now. I realized that for God like 1819 years. It was constant depression. Jen, she did nothing about it. I was the person. I was her therapy.
00:49:39.150 --> 00:50:02.188
Oh my god. And she, she got like really twisted on me like when I moved to Florida because I knew her from Georgia. When I moved to Florida, she was not a happy camper. So at first I was like a little flatter. I'm like, Oh, he's gonna miss me. That's really sweet. Then it was like nasty because at one point she said And she called me and she said, how you doing that near?
00:50:02.188 --> 00:50:26.068
And I said, Well, you know, good, I got a place, I found a place to live already found, like in two weeks and got a job in two weeks. I said, so I'm you know, I'm doing good. And she goes, Oh, I went, what? What was that? Oh, which was while I was kind of hoping that it wouldn't work out and that you would come back? And I'm like, No, you wish to be ill.
00:50:26.789 --> 00:50:28.409
Selfish much. Yeah.
00:50:28.800 --> 00:50:48.539
Yeah. And it was very shortly thereafter that I just was like, I'm never gonna speak to this person again. And she tried. You know, you're gonna be on a phone. And I just, I would I made sure that I kept her name with her number, so that when she calls I don't answer. I know not to answer. And she's tried.
00:50:48.539 --> 00:50:55.260
And I'm just like, you can try until you die. I am not picking up the phone. I am not speaking to you anymore. It is a relief.
00:50:56.039 --> 00:51:03.900
That's healthier. Yeah, you're right. Yep. I read an article years ago and said, You don't have to get rid of your friends.
00:51:03.900 --> 00:51:07.559
Sometimes you just need to put a friend on the inactive list.
00:51:08.489 --> 00:51:23.699
That's a good way to get I thought that was such a good way of putting it. So at the time, I had a couple of friends that I had had for a long time. But I was sort of carrying the relationship and I was tired, you know. And I was dealing with some health issues.
00:51:21.539 --> 00:51:51.119
And I was like, Well, I can't do all this. So I took a couple friends and I put them on the inactive list. So they didn't even know it. You know, for a while to even know it. And I never put them back on the active list. So I just kind of gave them up. I let them go. And you know what's funny is right after I did that to more friends who I still have came into my life. You had made room? You know, I made room for two more people. Yeah.
00:51:52.199 --> 00:52:52.260
Well, I'd say it by letting that one go. And on moving up here, I let a few others go. Yeah, I had more room for my friends that I've had known. 56 years. We talk more. It's not just the proximity now. It's I have the time and I have the room. Isn't that nice? You know, and I've developed like a friend of mine from high school moved, she ended up being down here. Like not up North Jersey, she ended up being like in LBI. Right near LBI. Well, cool. So that's pretty cool. So now I have time for her. I have time for my friend Beverly that lives in Fort Hood River. I have more time to deal with the people that are good for me. That are worth it. Yeah, yes. That's so funny. I remember years ago, I did a lot of volunteer work at the school. And I was talking to my friend Ruth, she did a lot to and I said What's with these other people? Like, I don't get it. They tell me they're going to do stuff and then they don't.
00:52:50.070 --> 00:52:52.949
And she goes, they're unreliable.
00:52:55.469 --> 00:53:00.449
She just said it. She's like, they're unreliable. Don't even try.
00:52:56.969 --> 00:53:01.259
They're just you're not going to get them to do anything.
00:53:03.119 --> 00:53:08.938
No. And there's just it's really just coming to grips with that.
00:53:08.938 --> 00:53:21.028
Like it's not to be unkind about somebody or, you know, to just, you know, be brutal and say you're just, that's the truth.
00:53:21.239 --> 00:53:50.190
Yeah, she I was so glad she said it that way. It saved me so much. You know, because I like I get angsty, and I worry like, Did I offend them? Or are they having trouble? Or bla bla bla, she's like, No, they're unreliable. Totally. And completely. Yeah. Okay, now that we've solved that Miss mystery, but it's kind of cool. I think it comes with age, too, that you get to the point where you just go, You know what, you're not worth my time. Yeah, you're just not worth my time. You're not adding.
00:53:51.239 --> 00:53:57.929
Yeah, that's, that means you respect yourself. Well, this is a great place to close up. I really enjoyed talking to you.
00:54:00.298 --> 00:54:01.528
Do you have anything else you want to say?
00:54:02.219 --> 00:54:09.449
Yes, when I have my podcast, we have to advertise it. And it'll be it'll be all about? Nothing.
00:54:12.510 --> 00:54:14.400
Well, I can't wait. It'll be great.
00:54:16.019 --> 00:54:51.599
It'll be cool. As always, I enjoyed talking to you all my mom says hi. Oh, hi, mom. Thank you Sue Ryerson for having a chat with me. That was so fun. Hopefully, we'll be able to do this again. I'd like to sort of make it a regular maybe once a month thing until she has her own podcast, which I think will be pretty amazing, given her ability to spin a yarn, so to speak. Have a great time, the rest of the week. And thanks for listening to the story human
