This was one of my most popular tweets (when Twitter was Still Twitter, back in the early 2023s!🤣)
It seemed to resonate with many wives whose husbands love to fix stuff.
I'm one of those guys - this tweet was a reminder to myself!
A Good Conversation is GOOD for a Wife
Women love good deep conversation.
It helps them feel loved and understood.
It's been said that a deep conversation is as good for a wife, as consistent sex is for a husband. (think about that for a minute!)
What do husbands do when a wife doesn't want solutions?
We guys like to solve problems. We want to be the hero!
Well, we need to redefine what our definition of "HERO" is in this situation!
First: Ask your wife - do you want me to listen or do you want a solution?
Sometimes she just wants to vent.
Lisa is an outward processor. Many times I can be a 'listening point' - outside of her own head - where she hears herself - and then solves her own problem.
Sometimes, she does want my input.
But I have to ask her which conversation type she needs from me in that moment.
Listening is a Full Body Sport
You aren't going to be able to listen well if you have your phone in front of your face.
I don't know how many times Lisa has said "Did you not hear me"? because I was only half listening because I was also reading some blog or playing some game on my phone - (Sad to say)
How to listen with your full body?
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Lean in when they speak
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Turn your body towards them
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Touch if you can
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Use "uh huh" and other phrases to encourage them to continue
Empathize
Empathy is seeing someone else's perspective from their point of view - not trying to impose your own perspective.
Be more curious - instead of offering solutions to every issue.
Also - take more time. I often have an issue staying engaged in long winding stories from Lisa if I don't know where its going.
(Tip for wives - start with the "punchline", then tell the story! Your husband will stay more engaged)
But I need to take the time with her and hear her heart, not just jump to "solution mode".
Take Her Side
If you're always saying:
"Your boss was right' or
"Maybe you should think about that in the future"
"Yeah, you should do what she says"...
that can be disheartening and frustrating to your wife.
Here's the thing - you MAY BE right. But your timing may be wrong.
During a difficult conversation, take her side, and express care for your wife.
Ask good questions
Asking Questions helps you get clarification - don't assume you understand! It also shows that you're interested in what your spouse is saying.
If you want to hear a little bit more about this, hop over to the podcast because We talked about this a bit on a recent episode!
