Jan. 7, 2025
Embracing Adoption: Ashlee Cryderman's Journey of Love, Resilience, and Faith
This episode illuminates the journey of single motherhood and adoption through Ashlee Cryderman's eyes, highlighting the struggles and joys she encountered along the way. From overcoming health challenges to embracing faith in fostering, Ashlee's story serves as a powerful testament to hope and resilience.
• Exploration of Ashlee's personal health challenges and their impact on her decisions
• The role of family support in the adoption journey
• Realities and joys of fostering a child with a traumatic background
• Encouragement for listening to one's calling and following through with faith
• Importance of community and support networks in the adoption process
• Insightful advice for those considering adoption or foster care
You can connect with Tony and Laura at
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https://www.thewalkfm.com/
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Thanks for listening and supporting our show!
Chapters
00:01 - Seasons of Despair and Adoption
10:27 - Generational Pursuit of Adoption
15:10 - Early Challenges and Rewards of Adoption
24:57 - Navigating the Adoption Process
32:15 - Staying Connected Through Adoption Updates
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hey everybody, it's Tony and welcome back to the Walk Family Podcast.
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I am bringing you a series titled Seasons of Despair, which focuses on different experiences of life, such as marriage, raising kids and loss of loved ones, and how people navigate those hardships.
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Laura and I bring to the table conversations from our own home, as well as introduce some guests sharing their stories.
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Everybody goes through trials and tribulations in life.
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Sometimes it feels we can't ever escape the pain that that brings.
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James 1, 2, and 3 says Consider it pure joy.
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My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, this is easier said than done.
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Despair, by definition, is the loss or absence of hope.
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As a believer in Jesus, there is always that eternal hope we have, but sometimes we don't always feel like it exists.
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It's an incredibly challenging thing when we feel despair in this life, when we think there is no hope and all we experience is hurt and pain.
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My hope and my prayer is that this series will show that you are not alone in your moments of despair.
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I also, during that time, was dealing with finding out that I had endometriosis, so that's a lot of like.
00:01:36.746 --> 00:01:55.852
Basically, I had cysts all on like my ovaries, and so I was dealing with a lot of complications from that and seeing a lot of different doctors, because it's kind of hard to diagnose that one Um, and after they diagnosed it I was able to get on medication which did not end up helping it.
00:01:55.852 --> 00:02:03.373
I had to have surgery later, um, yeah, so I am not sure if I can have kids.
00:02:03.373 --> 00:02:09.433
So that also was a big part of my decision to get into fostering and adopting.
00:02:09.433 --> 00:02:15.834
I know it's not impossible when you have endometriosis, but it does, from what I've heard, make it a lot harder.
00:02:15.834 --> 00:02:20.852
So my symptoms are pretty severe, so it's just painful.
00:02:20.852 --> 00:02:26.793
The surgery did help a lot but, yeah, that helped influence my decision greatly.
00:02:28.441 --> 00:02:31.328
Ashley and I spent some time talking about the adoption life.
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I know several of you out there have thought about foster care adoption and maybe even have taken that step of faith to raise a little boy or a little girl that isn't your biological child.
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What is so unique about Ashley's story is that she felt compelled by the Holy Spirit to pursue this foster care adoption process when she was really young, being a part of generations of fostering and adoption.
00:02:56.950 --> 00:03:10.288
However, in her mid-20s, she made that jump, with an immense amount of support from her family and her friends, though that support wasn't always there, and everything isn't all sunshine and rainbows either.
00:03:10.288 --> 00:03:14.009
And did I mention that she went on this journey single?
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Yes, ashley is one of the very few people that have fostered and adopted a child while unmarried.
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There are so many stories out there about the heartaches of parents who are now single due to a breakup or because of a divorce.
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Ashley, on the other hand, entered into this realm knowing she would be a single mom, maybe not forever, but she didn't wait for a husband to show up before adopting.
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No, she waited for a nudge by God to lead her down this path.
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I know this will be encouraging for those of you out there struggling in your own adoption journey, but also for many of you who are wrestling with being a single parent.
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Here she is Ashley Kreiderman.
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All right, ashley, thanks so much for being on the show.
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We're excited to just have you be here and share a little bit about your story with adopting your daughter.
00:04:06.230 --> 00:04:14.948
So I was wondering if you could just start off like share a little bit about yourself and kind of how this journey of adoption began.
00:04:15.388 --> 00:04:16.911
Yeah, okay.
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Well, thank you for having me on.
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I'm so excited to be here.
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My name is Ashley.
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Like you said, I'm 29 and I am from Jackson, michigan.
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I just accepted a job at Michigan Center teaching third grade, which I am excited to start, and I adopted a little girl almost three years ago now and then I bought a house all in like the same years, a lot of crazy things happening, and so it's just the two of us, but, yeah, so when I was 26, I started to think about fostering and adoption.
00:04:54.237 --> 00:04:59.492
I really only had fostering on my heart for a little bit and when I say a little bit, I mean a year.
00:04:59.492 --> 00:05:07.093
It was a long time my mom was actually adopted and so that kind of played into it a little bit as well.
00:05:07.093 --> 00:05:22.089
And I remember sitting in my church one day and my pastor was talking about fostering and adoption and that kind of just was placed on my heart during that service.
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And I remember talking to my therapist one evening, cause I brought it up all the time to her and she was like you know what?
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You've been talking about it for so long, you need to just go for it.
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And I'm like, okay, but I'm single, like there's no way I can do this by myself.
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And she's like she's all for, like women empowerment.
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She's like go for it, just try it, see how it goes.
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And so I took it was during I think that's during COVID actually and I had to do like a zoom call because nobody was meeting in person and we did like a zoom conference and talked about all the ins and outs and all my questions and they helped me make the decision to move forward and it just felt right in that moment.
00:06:06.939 --> 00:06:15.146
I also, during that time, was dealing with finding out that I had endometriosis, so that's a lot of like.
00:06:15.146 --> 00:06:27.286
Basically, I had cysts all on like my ovaries, and so I was dealing with a lot of complications from that and seeing a lot of different doctors, because it's kind of hard to diagnose that one.
00:06:27.286 --> 00:06:34.283
And after they diagnosed it I was able to get on medication which did not end up helping it.
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I had to have surgery later.
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Yeah, so I am not sure if I can have kids.
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So that also was a big part of my decision to get into fostering and adopting.
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I know it's not impossible when you have endometriosis, but it does what I've, from what I've heard make it a lot harder, so my symptoms are pretty severe, so it's just just painful.
00:06:59.281 --> 00:07:05.211
Um, the surgery did help a lot, but yeah, that helped influence my decision greatly.
00:07:07.475 --> 00:07:10.406
So yeah, I mean, that's a lot.
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It is a lot all at once, yeah.
00:07:13.180 --> 00:07:14.887
So let's let's jump back just a little bit.
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So adoption has been probably talked about in your family, so your mom was adopted.
00:07:18.870 --> 00:07:19.132
Yeah.
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And then is she an advocate of adoption just because of her experience, or was there like, okay, she's adopted, but it was like a hostile environment.
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How was that growing up?
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Yeah?
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Yeah, so my grandparents, which were the people who adopted my mom, also adopted her sister from different families.
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When they adopted them they found out that my mom's sister from a different family had Huntington's disease Not sure if you're familiar with that, but it's like Alzheimer's and Parkinson's all in one, so really ugly.
00:07:52.524 --> 00:07:57.824
And they adopted her, knowing that, and so they.
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We watched her slowly pass away.
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She died when she was in her 40s, passed away.
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She died when she was in her forties and after that, before she died, she gave birth to a little girl and she also has Huntington's disease and so that is my cousin and my grandparents who are my mom's parents and it's kind of hard to follow along, but they also adopted my cousin.
00:08:19.004 --> 00:08:35.288
So adoption is just huge on that side and I've just been used to that and it's something that my mom doesn't really talk about it as much, but she always has made it clear that like those are her parents and she loves her parents and they're a big part of her life.
00:08:35.288 --> 00:08:48.474
I've always been curious about like the deeper parts of it, like finding out who her like, who her real parents are Like if I have another set of grandparents out there aunts and uncles but she is like her real parents are Like if I have another set of grandparents out there aunts and uncles but she is like Nope, these are my parents.
00:08:48.474 --> 00:08:52.302
I like they picked me, they chose me, and I love that.
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So I don't know.
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It's always like seeing that and seeing how they helped someone, especially like they did not care what the circumstance was.
00:09:01.846 --> 00:09:05.371
They decided to adopt anyways, and I love that.
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I love that their goal was to help somebody in need and they did that and they're still doing that and they're in their eighties.
00:09:13.663 --> 00:09:15.669
Yeah, that's that is absolutely amazing.
00:09:15.669 --> 00:09:28.607
So this is, this is not just a you thing Like this is generational which I think is in any aspect of life, like a generational impact is very, very powerful, and so that's interesting that you say that.
00:09:28.607 --> 00:09:34.399
So now you know, from your grandparents down to your mom, now down to you, you have siblings.
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Yeah.
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How?
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I mean just real quick.
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Are they kind of on the same page as far as adoption, or are they just like run away from it?
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It's too scary, or they just like run away from it it's?
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too scary, I think.
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If the opportunity presented itself, maybe, but I don't think their heads were ever in that space.
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I think they think that it is cool that adoption has been a part of our lives.
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But I know when I brought the idea to my family they all kind of thought I was crazy.
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Even my parents my mom maybe not so much, but they were all like are you serious about this?
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You're only 26.
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And I was like, no, I can't explain it, but it's been on my heart for a year and I know that's a God thing, and when God tells you to do something like you give him your yes.
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That is, that is what you do and you move forward.
00:10:26.721 --> 00:10:27.623
Yeah, that's interesting.
00:10:27.623 --> 00:10:34.798
So when I have conversations about people who are adopted, or are in foster care or adopting.
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It's like you know on the outside that people who haven't it's very often come across like, oh, like that's a really cool thing to do, but it's not for me yeah when I think it should be the opposite.
00:10:48.437 --> 00:11:06.538
It's like no more and more people should be actively looking at adopting and foster care, especially nowadays, because you have so many people with like, oh, this world, this, it's all about me, I have to take care of myself, I have to take care of my you know, biological family, but you also have kids out there that have nothing.
00:11:06.778 --> 00:11:07.080
Yeah.
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And it's just like it's really cool to see how not just the fact that God put that on your heart specifically, but he did that 60 years ago with your grandparents.
00:11:17.285 --> 00:11:24.375
So I mean you're talking over half a century of generational pursuit of adoption, which is really really cool.
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Yeah, and I know like I don't even remember what the actual verse is, but it talks about how God has adopted us into his family and I think that's like just such a beautiful thing to think about.
00:11:36.620 --> 00:11:39.094
And that's how I think about my daughter too.
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Like I adopted her into my family and she feels like a part of me now and just feels like it doesn't feel like I adopted her.
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She just is my daughter and that's that you know.
00:11:50.111 --> 00:11:52.615
I don't want to put too fine a point on it but, you.
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You emphasize that you were 26 and you were single doing this.
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Yeah.
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There is only a very select few people that I know of that would even consider adopting as a single person.
00:12:07.144 --> 00:12:16.162
Yeah, and I've talked to a ton of families who have adopted, but I can think of two, including you, that have gone this route.
00:12:16.162 --> 00:12:18.798
Conversations with your family, you know it's like are you crazy?
00:12:18.798 --> 00:12:19.740
Yeah, are you sure?
00:12:19.740 --> 00:12:26.578
Maybe a little bit, but you took that step of faith, you did it and I know for a fact like there was no regrets.
00:12:27.039 --> 00:12:27.450
Right but.
00:12:27.650 --> 00:12:34.322
I can imagine that there are some struggles or some challenges that you maybe didn't foresee with that.
00:12:35.183 --> 00:12:36.065
Oh, the challenges.
00:12:36.065 --> 00:12:39.097
Yes, I well, to start there.
00:12:39.097 --> 00:12:44.764
Whenever you do something big and radical, people are always going to have things to say about it.
00:12:44.764 --> 00:12:54.533
So I did have some people reach out to me and tell me that they're not sure that I was making the right decision, which is funny, because it's not their life.
00:12:55.274 --> 00:12:56.557
Was this family or friends?
00:12:56.557 --> 00:13:00.383
No, just people from my church actually, oh church people.
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Yeah, I know You've got to love it.
00:13:03.551 --> 00:13:11.934
So there's always conflict with what other people have to say, but I'm a very independent person and I do my own thing regardless.
00:13:11.934 --> 00:13:25.043
Sometimes it's not the best idea, but I'm going to do it, and so when I put my mind to something or I have an idea in my head, I always try to follow through, especially when it's God's idea or God's plan for my life.
00:13:25.582 --> 00:13:37.813
So the other challenges I could go on and on about challenges If people on the outside reach out and say this is wrong, you're making a mistake.
00:13:37.813 --> 00:13:38.859
How did you navigate those?
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Because obviously you don't want to be confrontational.
00:13:40.878 --> 00:13:51.163
You want to respond in love and in grace and in mercy, but at the same time it's like, okay, you have no idea what God is doing in my life at this point.
00:13:51.730 --> 00:13:56.962
So I did not always respond, because sometimes the best response is no response, in my opinion.
00:13:56.962 --> 00:14:06.176
But if I did respond, I would just be truthful with them and tell them exactly what was going on in my life, Like I had no idea what I was doing either.
00:14:06.176 --> 00:14:15.917
You're right, I have no idea what's going to happen, but I trust God and I would just be truthful or kind of try to educate them and that I feel like helped.
00:14:15.917 --> 00:14:17.716
But I mean, it proved everyone wrong.
00:14:20.013 --> 00:14:23.763
What is a challenge that you experience just between you and your daughter?
00:14:24.509 --> 00:14:31.754
So I would say, the biggest challenge I know when you foster and adopt, you can pick your age range.
00:14:31.793 --> 00:14:33.919
So you started with foster Yep, foster care.
00:14:34.039 --> 00:14:37.158
I started fostering I actually was not sure I wanted to adopt.
00:14:37.158 --> 00:14:40.070
But they convinced me to do all of that licensing.
00:14:40.070 --> 00:14:48.100
Because when you just do fostering, the licensing for fostering, then you have to go back later and do more licensing for adoption.
00:14:48.100 --> 00:14:50.558
But when you do it all together it's not as much.
00:14:50.558 --> 00:14:52.336
You can just get it done all at once.
00:14:52.336 --> 00:15:04.135
So I was like you know what I'm going to do, that Even though I think I'm just going to continue fostering, I might have that itch to adopt later on.
00:15:04.135 --> 00:15:06.801
But really I only wanted to foster, so I picked the age range of zero to three.
00:15:07.522 --> 00:15:07.643
Oh.
00:15:07.942 --> 00:15:10.707
I know I really was not, I don't know.
00:15:10.707 --> 00:15:16.318
Now that I look back at it, I'm like there's some's, some validity to it.
00:15:16.779 --> 00:15:28.678
So when Laura and I were contemplating, this was years ago now, but it was like, okay, do we want a newborn and go through that entire struggle, especially if it's like a drug baby?
00:15:28.678 --> 00:15:38.255
A baby that comes into the world that's already addicted, or do we want you know, starting with a toddler but has gone through either the system?
00:15:38.255 --> 00:15:43.200
Or respite care for two years and has no idea what kind of routine we're going to structure.
00:15:43.210 --> 00:15:44.294
Or they're terrified of you.
00:15:44.615 --> 00:15:51.779
Right, so, like I can understand it, I just also express that the newborn stage is not my favorite.
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:52.802
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:52.802 --> 00:16:07.361
Well, as somebody who has never had kids in her entire life and only saw nice little videos of babies on Instagram, I had baby fever at an all time high, yes, and it quickly went away when I was placed with a two week old.
00:16:08.770 --> 00:16:10.196
Yeah, what have I done?
00:16:10.417 --> 00:16:11.600
Yeah, literally.
00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:14.599
So they actually I was at work.
00:16:14.599 --> 00:16:16.626
I was working at a retirement home at the time.
00:16:16.626 --> 00:16:18.751
I was an activities director and I loved it.
00:16:18.751 --> 00:16:24.630
And they called me and they were like hey, we have a baby for you at the hospital.
00:16:24.630 --> 00:16:25.010
It's a boy.
00:16:25.010 --> 00:16:28.197
I was like, okay, like let's go, I'm ready.
00:16:28.197 --> 00:16:34.197
And I got a call five minutes later and they're like just kidding, we're switching you to a girl.
00:16:35.041 --> 00:16:43.650
No idea what happened there yeah, but it's still like mind-blowing to me that it was all part of God's plan because I could have had a little boy.
00:16:43.650 --> 00:16:49.875
But now I have my daughter and, like I was set on being a boy mom, I really wanted to be a boy mom my entire life really.
00:16:49.875 --> 00:16:50.456
Yeah.
00:16:50.456 --> 00:16:55.131
Yeah, I still want boys, but I have my daughter and I could not be happier.
00:16:55.131 --> 00:17:01.158
But, yeah, they called me saying they had a little girl and I went that night to go sit and hold her.
00:17:01.158 --> 00:17:09.272
I couldn't take her until the next morning because they had to do like car seat check and watch me bathe her and feed her and make sure I was doing all the things.
00:17:09.272 --> 00:17:11.116
Um, but I did.
00:17:11.116 --> 00:17:20.352
I went to the hospital that night, got to see her and she was so tiny and it scared me like automatically seeing her in that little like tube.
00:17:20.352 --> 00:17:26.775
I was like, nope, there's no way I can take her home, like I I don't even know what to do with her and was she?
00:17:26.795 --> 00:17:27.376
was she a preemie?
00:17:27.698 --> 00:17:50.892
yeah, okay, yeah, how early I think two weeks, so not super bad, but um born on methamphetamine oh sure, yeah, mom drank the entire pregnancy and smoked, so a lot of different things, um, but she did go through like withdrawal, mostly at the hospital, which was nice for me because I don't know how I would have done newborn on top of withdrawal on my own.
00:17:50.892 --> 00:17:56.473
But yeah, I took her home and I sat in my living room for like two hours holding her because I didn't know what to do.
00:17:56.473 --> 00:18:01.813
I just sat there and I called my mom and went straight there.
00:18:01.853 --> 00:18:03.234
So, yeah, major cry for help.
00:18:03.234 --> 00:18:06.038
Yeah, oh yeah, she's crying for help, you're crying for help.
00:18:06.038 --> 00:18:07.000
Yeah, you have no idea.
00:18:07.000 --> 00:18:09.903
Yep, I had experienced this, something similar.
00:18:10.223 --> 00:18:11.385
So I think every parent does.
00:18:12.171 --> 00:18:14.255
Yeah, so you have challenges of.
00:18:14.255 --> 00:18:21.215
Okay, not only are you a single mom, but just this was your first, so you have no idea what you're doing yeah, you have no idea what to expect.
00:18:21.215 --> 00:18:26.046
You just go from, you know oh babies are so sweet and cuddly and they're not.
00:18:26.490 --> 00:18:28.229
No, they're not.
00:18:28.229 --> 00:18:35.723
And it was like there were times where I just stared at her and I'm like how could one little thing cry so much?
00:18:35.723 --> 00:18:38.416
And just like, what am I doing?
00:18:38.416 --> 00:18:40.301
Yeah, yes.
00:18:40.529 --> 00:18:43.778
And then you found a little bit of solace with your parents.
00:18:43.778 --> 00:18:52.061
Yeah, so would that have made a huge difference if they were unavailable, or they would have been like nope, you're on your own.
00:18:52.061 --> 00:18:53.290
You made this decision Like.
00:18:53.290 --> 00:18:54.154
You have supportive parents.
00:18:54.214 --> 00:19:07.441
Oh, yeah, my parents were a huge help and they still are and even my siblings surprised me because they were all very on edge, like we want to support you, but we are nervous about this.
00:19:07.441 --> 00:19:19.683
But they stepped up significantly and they knew that I was going through with it and once they knew that it was like a done deal, they were like okay, we're on board, we're here to help you.
00:19:19.683 --> 00:19:20.645
And they did.
00:19:20.645 --> 00:19:30.118
There was one time that I stayed up, because she was up like every two hours and you know, by the time you get them back to bed, it's like you're already halfway through that cycle.
00:19:30.118 --> 00:19:30.359
Again.
00:19:30.359 --> 00:19:31.122
You got to get up again.
00:19:31.122 --> 00:19:38.327
So I told my parents I was like you have to take her just for like just like an hour so I can have one little nap.
00:19:38.327 --> 00:19:45.996
And they took her and then I heard someone banging on my door to my apartment and it was my brother and he's like we thought you died.
00:19:45.996 --> 00:19:47.759
He's like it's been six hours.
00:19:48.143 --> 00:19:48.324
Yeah.
00:19:48.671 --> 00:19:50.659
I slept for six straight hours.
00:19:50.659 --> 00:19:54.359
I had no idea, like no concept of time.
00:19:54.359 --> 00:19:58.720
So, yeah, they were very helpful, still are.
00:19:59.040 --> 00:20:05.037
Yeah, thank you, mom and dad yes um, now that you're kind of in the midst of it.
00:20:05.037 --> 00:20:09.571
So your daughter is now three she's three, so the three major.
00:20:09.571 --> 00:20:11.757
Like is she a true three major?
00:20:11.757 --> 00:20:12.419
Is she pretty?
00:20:12.419 --> 00:20:12.819
She is.
00:20:13.039 --> 00:20:14.564
She's in the no stage.
00:20:14.564 --> 00:20:21.839
She's very independent, wants to do everything herself and says no to a lot of things that I suggest.
00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:27.959
Or if I hand her like a cracker the wrong way, she will throw a fit, and so that's been a challenge.
00:20:27.959 --> 00:20:29.241
And potty training, that's hard.
00:20:29.241 --> 00:20:31.212
Potty training is not for the weak.
00:20:31.212 --> 00:20:40.316
No, and yeah, there's lots of many things that come with the age of three, but I've heard that four is worse and that terrifies me I would.
00:20:40.457 --> 00:20:58.535
I would personally disagree, I think okay once they hit four, it's like okay they figure it out they're a human now oh, good, good so I like 18 months to two years was one of my favorites, yeah, and then uh, once they hit, I think, four to five, it's like okay, this is cool she does have quite the personality, though.
00:20:58.575 --> 00:20:59.738
She loves singing.
00:20:59.738 --> 00:21:01.362
She's got her favorite.
00:21:01.362 --> 00:21:06.099
She'll ask me to play church songs in the car all the time the ones with clapping in them, of course.
00:21:06.099 --> 00:21:14.522
But she loves to sing and loves to just say whatever is on her mind and she's very like at night time.
00:21:14.522 --> 00:21:16.284
She will try to stay up as long as possible.
00:21:16.284 --> 00:21:17.609
So she's got the routine like a drink of water, but she's very like at nighttime.
00:21:17.609 --> 00:21:17.997
She will try to stay up as long as possible.
00:21:17.997 --> 00:21:23.691
So she's got the routine like a drink of water, but she's got to have an ice cube in her cup, of course particular yeah.
00:21:23.891 --> 00:21:26.957
Then she wants a hug, a high five, a fist bump.
00:21:26.957 --> 00:21:31.171
And then the other night she told me she loved me and I was smiling.
00:21:31.171 --> 00:21:32.032
I'm like that's so nice.
00:21:32.032 --> 00:21:32.513
Then she goes.
00:21:32.513 --> 00:21:33.996
I like your teeth, mom.
00:21:34.938 --> 00:21:46.912
I'm like go to bed what is one of the biggest joys or rewards from this process, because it's not easy you know for anybody, let alone you, do this in your mid-20s.
00:21:46.912 --> 00:21:54.012
Yeah, you don't, didn't know what to expect and you went straight up single mom like what was like?
00:21:54.012 --> 00:22:01.233
Now that you're in it, what's been the biggest reward or biggest joy that you can think of?
00:22:01.233 --> 00:22:04.121
If you have a couple, that's fine too, but what is something?
00:22:04.161 --> 00:22:11.981
that makes it truly worth it honestly when she says she loves me, that's worth it to me.
00:22:11.981 --> 00:22:21.958
And just to know like watching her succeed in different things that she might not have succeeded with had she stayed with her parents is nice to see.
00:22:21.958 --> 00:22:25.053
I don't know what her life would have been like if she stayed.
00:22:25.053 --> 00:22:28.907
It could have been good, it could have been bad, and I don't like.
00:22:28.907 --> 00:22:35.648
Being able to give her opportunities that she might not have had is very rewarding and yeah, I don't know.
00:22:35.648 --> 00:22:37.477
There are so many things that that's a hard question.
00:22:38.470 --> 00:22:51.834
So, on the flip side, you get this spiritual high where, yeah, I'm going to follow God, and it's like God me against the world, and it's like I know that this is what I want to do and I know that God is going to guide me through it.
00:22:51.834 --> 00:22:55.623
And then you hit it and it's like, oh my goodness.
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