Fathering the First- Nurturing the Newborn

Transcript

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Ladies and gentlemen, hello.

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You're in for a treat today as we dive into the world of biblical parenting with the Walk Family Podcast.

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But before we get started, let me introduce the man behind the mic.

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He runs, he plays the ukulele and he's a science teacher.

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He plays the ukulele and he's a science teacher.

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Meet Tony Smith, who's here to guide us with his wisdom humor and a whole lot of heart.

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Hey everybody and welcome back to the Walk Family Podcast and welcome to the Fathering the First series.

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This series is all about the dads.

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Well, I mean, moms can find value in the series too, but it's definitely geared towards the dads.

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So, basically, each episode we're going to discuss a topic that I personally have learned when expecting my first child, that I just had no clue about.

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These are some of the things nobody ever told me, or I just simply learned along the way, and I want to share these experiences, these tips and tricks and guidance with all of you dads out there.

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This series will hopefully give you some resources, relieve some stress, help you in your marriage by guiding you in your understanding of your wife as she navigates pregnancy, delivery and bringing your first kiddo home.

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Now we are really starting to enter into content about taking care of the baby outside of the hospital.

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So last week we talked about meconium that baby's first poop and today we're going to talk about nursing, but it's a dad's perspective on nursing.

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So this title, this episode, is titled Nurturing the Newborn, and I just want to focus all about the nursing moms that decided to take this really valuable but very difficult step and it's not for everybody it really is not.

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But it's not about the mom for this episode, it's about the dad, because, dads, you don't have a choice on whether you want to nurse your kid or not, because you cannot produce milk, and therefore your job as a supporter and how this works is what we're going to focus on today, and a lot of what you really need to know is just how nursing works.

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And so, without further ado, let's take a step into understanding what nursing is.

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So nursing is the act of feeding a newborn directly from the breast, also known as breast feeding, and there is a huge significance on nursing for both the baby's nutrition and bonding with the mother.

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Now, I am not saying this as this needs to be a must, because there are certain babies that can't nurse or struggle with nursing, and there are certain moms who just choose not to do it, or can't do it due to complications, or can only do it for a short period of time.

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You know, whatever there are reasons for both, but this episode is geared for understanding what nursing is and some of the benefits for it, and there are some.

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There are several misconceptions about nursing.

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Um and I'm not going to sugarcoat it.

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It is not something that happens as naturally as you might think.

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If you were to look in the animal world whether you're looking at cows or goats or deer or whatever, and you think about how simple and natural it looks for baby animals to nurse from an adult animal, it is not that easy animal.

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It is not that easy For moms that are choosing to nurse.

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There are several different challenges and several different expectations that you might have that may go unmet, and so I want to talk a little bit about what that is, because it is not just a cakewalk.

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This is actually, in my opinion, it's kind of a skill like you have to practice at it and get good at it, and the hard part is it's not just about you.

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It is you training your baby to do what should be very natural.

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But there are issues with it.

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There are challenges that come up.

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So here are a couple of the challenges latch difficulties, so latching how the baby latches onto the breast.

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It is not just putting their mouth on the nipple and calling it good.

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No, there is a strategy to it, there is a process to it, and it is also called breastfeeding, not nipple feeding.

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That means they need to.

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Well, they need to nurse from the breast, not just the nipple.

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If they do feed just from the nipple, you're going to have your wife is going to have some severe pain and blistering.

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That can cause some damage and even like some nerve damage.

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That's there multiple times with a lactation consultant to have like good quality conversations to learn as many strategies as possible, because it is not just a easy peasy kick walk.

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There will also be for your wife nipple pain and engorgement.

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So the re I mean if your wife is going to take this challenge head on there's going to be pain in that area because it's being used and it's going to be used all the time.

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So just keep that in mind.

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That is something that Laura struggled with a little bit is just the idea of trying to breastfeed our kids, not nipple feed, and so we've kind of ran into that issue with our second child and it caused for Laura.

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It caused some nerve damage, it caused some blistering, it caused a lot of pain and it was very, very challenging for her, and so I would highly encourage seeking professional lactation support and be sure to practice some patience.

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It is not something that is going to happen naturally in a day or two.

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It's going to take time, it will take a lot of time and you need to be patient with yourself and you need to be patient with your child.

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But I do want to go back to this idea of how the process is natural.

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So the process, in a way babies are, is biologically primed to nurse, like there is a breastfeeding instinct.

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That part is actually really cool because it does seem like it's automatic.

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The way that their lips and their tongue move when they want to nurse.

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It is very much like a biological instinct.

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However, there are some issues that can complicate that, which that's something that I mentioned before.

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But there are, like feeding cues to look for, there are hunger signs and there's this thing called cluster feeding, where your baby just wants a whole lot of short feeds over a few hours, like instead of getting a good quality feed over you know, a three hour period.

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It's like they want to feed for five minutes here and five minutes there, and five minutes here, again five minutes there, and it's like, okay, they've been on my wife's breast for like like 10, 10 times in the last hour, like that's called cluster feeding and it's a real thing, but and one of the one of the hardest challenges is that when you don't know what signs to look for you don't know if you're, if your baby is hungry or not the automatic go-to.

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Dads pay attention to this.

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The automatic go-to is that okay, yeah, they're hungry.

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Since I can't do anything about it, I'm going to give her to my wife, I'm going to give our child to my wife, and that you really have to be careful with that because that can turn into a habit and it's a very bad habit Because what happens is the baby automatically this is actually something that Laura and I have fallen into is the baby automatically just wants mom.

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The baby should want mom when it's hungry.

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But I got into a habit again because I didn't recognize the signs.

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I didn't see them, I didn't know them very well.

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I just assumed that you know the baby's always hungry, so I would just pass her off to Laura and they'd do the feeding thing, and sometimes it'd be cluster feeding or sometimes it wouldn't be.

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But that was like a go-to was just all right, she's hungry, she's hungry, she's hungry all the time.

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It's like well, that's not actually true.

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I just fell into the rut of okay, she's crying while I'm holding her, I can't comfort her, I can't console her.

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Here you go, take her off my hands.

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She's probably hungry, can't do anything about it.

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Be very careful when you do that because that can really bog down your wife.

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If you just are constantly giving your child up because you think she's hungry or you know that she's really not, you just don't want to deal with it, that can be a physical and emotional and mental toll on your wife and that can cause major issues obviously in like your marriage and in your relationship.

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It can cause exhaustion and that can cause blow-ups and anger and frustration and arguments.

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It's unneeded.

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Dad, you have to be aware of some of those signs so that you're not just overworking your wife taking care of this kid and so dads.

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Another thing is as far as the physical and emotional toll of your wife nursing, exhaustion, anxiety and self-doubt are very prominent, especially the exhaustion part, so you don't understand necessarily how tiring it is.

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So you have a being who is being depleted of all of her like nutritional resources to pour into this baby so that the baby can grow.

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So when you think about that just from like an organism perspective, right, when you deplete something from the organism, their body is losing its resources and on top of that the body is going to have to work extra hard to replenish those resources just so that it can do it again over and over and over.

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And so that in and of itself is very, very tiring, because what your wife is going through as she's nursing itself is very, very tiring.

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Because what your wife is going through as she's nursing is she is producing breast milk and then the breast milk is being depleted into the baby.

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Both of those processes exert energy, and oftentimes your body exerting that energy requires rest, and it is very difficult to find sleep and rest with a newborn that is up and around, that is up crying every you know one to two hours, and so that exhaustion piece.

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Dads, you really have to step in and help as much as you can, whether that is after the baby is done eating.

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Take them for a drive, get them out of the house so that your wife can rest, like truly rest, and maybe in a quiet environment.

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And then there might be anxiety.

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A lot of the anxiety that happens with nursing moms typically happens when things aren't going right and you begin to worry because the baby is not latching correctly or it's just crying and doesn't want to eat, and then, all of a sudden, it hasn't eaten for hours and hours and you become anxious because the baby's not eating, it's going to lose weight and if it loses weight, it's going to get sick or worse.

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Like a lot of that anxiety can pop up.

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Or worse, like a lot of that anxiety can pop up.

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So just be aware of that.

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And then, of course, self-doubt.

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This is probably what's most prominent in women and also most underestimated, because when you take on the challenge of breastfeeding, people don't realize how difficult and exhausting it is.

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And all of a sudden, within days or weeks and maybe even months, self-doubt begins to creep in, where it's like I just can't do it anymore.

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I am so done with trying to feed this baby and learning all of these tips and tricks and strategies that I'm spent, and so self-doubt creeps in and a lot of people end up just stopping breastfeeding once they reach that phase.

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Right, it's like when self-doubt begins to creep in, you begin to believe that your body is incapable of caring for your baby and that can lead into a postpartum depression and that can lead to stopping breastfeeding altogether, and I want to encourage everybody that's listening.

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Like that is okay, there is nothing wrong with having a bottle-fed baby.

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Like they are going to grow up just fine.

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There is no.

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Oh, bottle-fed is better than nursing and breast-fed babies are better than bottle-fed babies.

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Like, you can just throw that out the window, like whatever people say, like just ignore it Because there are stigmas and stipulations between the window.

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Like whatever people say, like just ignore it because there are stigmas and stipulations between the two.

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It's like, oh, like some people might, you know, walk around saying, yeah, I breastfed my kid for two years and you couldn't even do it for three months.

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They might say that, but it's, it's almost looked down upon and it needs to not be.

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Because when you think about the awesomeness of breastfeeding, like yes, it is awesome, it's really awesome.

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But the catch is, the reason it's awesome is by overcoming the challenges.

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Like breastfeeding should, in theory, be a very natural process, but for some reason it's very difficult.

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It is very difficult for women to just breastfeed and do that for an extended period of time, and so like there is a level of accomplishment that comes with it.

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But there are also moms who try breastfeeding for a month and it's like nope, not for me.

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Call it good.

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Like that's awesome too.

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You gave it a shot there.

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There are some moms that are like I don't want to have anything to do with breastfeeding.

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That, too, is awesome.

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Regardless of what you guys choose, you're caring for your baby the best that you're able to.

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If you don't think you are able to breastfeed your kid, then don't Do what's best for your baby.

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If you're too worried about the exhaustion or the anxiety or the self-doubt, like there is nothing wrong with using formula, like it's a great alternative.

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It really is, so don't feel bad about not being able to breastfeed.

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But since this episode is on nursing and breastfeeding, that's what I'm going to focus on, and so I just want to give you dads and moms technically, but you dads, I want you to be aware that breastfeeding is not sunshine and rainbows Like it is the trenches.

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It is very, very difficult and this leads to having an immense amount of open communication and empathy, because there are so many ups and downs and you and your wife are a team in this.

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You have to be a team in this.

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She cannot do this all on her own because if she does, she's going to get bogged down and that's going to cause stress in a whole realm of areas in your marriage and within your family, and it can cause some major issues.

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There's also this concept of supplementing, so you can actually breastfeed and bottle feed at the same time, and so there are different ways to do this.

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So, for example, you can supplement with formula, or you can supplement with donor milk, which is basically like breast milk from a different mom, and you know, obviously supplementing just is trying to meet baby's nutritional needs, but that's something that you can talk to your family doctor about, even the lactation consultant.

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That is also a good option as well.

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And then something else to think about like there are different nursing holds and positions, so it's not just like you don't hold the baby in one spot, you can do this in multiple different ones.

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I'll give you a few examples and I'll throw a link in the description where you can actually see images of these.

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But there is the cradle hold, the football hold and the side lying position and there's a couple others, but those three are kind of like the go-tos.

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So, depending on how your baby is comfortable, depends on the position that they want, and sometimes they want all three positions at the same time.

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Or they can't figure it out, or you can't figure it out and you're trying to figure out what is comfortable for you and the baby at the same time.

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And I want to wrap the content up of this episode with the the emotional aspect, especially the emotional defeat of nursing, because there's going to come a time where, whether you are successful with nursing or not, if you have attempted it, there will be a time where it ends, and that can be very sad and can cause a lot of different emotions to arise.

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Whether you breastfeed for a full year or just, you know, a few days, there can be a lot of feelings of emotional defeat, and so what I mean by that is that the feeling of inadequacy can potentially arise for parents during the nursing journey.

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Maybe your expectation was to breastfeed for a year and you realize that you can't and you only did it for a couple of months.

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That can lead to emotional defeat or feeling inadequate.

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You didn't reach your goal.

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Or maybe you attempted to make it to your goal and you realize that it's not working out and, as much as you want to, it's not actually what's best for the baby.

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That's something that we ran into with our second.

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It's like Laura wanted to breastfeed our second for a full year and felt like she got shorted because the doctor recommended that we needed to stop at nine months and do formula, and so there was a level of emotional defeat and inadequacy there, like why couldn't we have reached that?

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You know the next three months and then, regardless of when the journey ends let's say you reach your goal there's going to be emotional defeat or inadequacy because it's like, could I have gone longer?

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Or there could just be pure sadness, like the journey is done, like the race is over and there could be some rejoicing.

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But a lot of times there is a level of sadness that comes with the ending of a nursing journey, and that could be just because you reached your goal and it's time to be done or you didn't reach your goal and you need to go in a different direction, and it's totally okay.

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But there is a level of emotional defeat that comes with with all of those examples, so just be prepared for that.

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And so I do want to end today completely with deuteronomy 31 6.

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It says be strong and courageous, do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord, your God, who goes with you.

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He will not leave you or forsake you.

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I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

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Please continue to tune in and listen.

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Every Tuesday and next week we're going to talk about the tongue tie, which actually ties well into the whole nursing aspect and something that we ran into with two of our children.

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Actually, that can cause major issues in nursing.

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So stay tuned and looking forward to connecting with you next week.

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Be blessed, see ya.

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Thank you all so much for tuning in to the Walk Family Podcast at thewalkfmcom, where you can find some great resources, testimonials and stories of parents all over.

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We encourage and guide parents of all walks of life to find purpose in parenting by taking footsteps of faith in their walk with Jesus.

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If you enjoyed the show and want more, feel free to subscribe to automatically receive more content every Tuesday.

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You can connect with Laura and I at thewalkpodcastministries at gmailcom or on Twitter from the link in the description below.

Fathering the First- Nurturing the Newborn

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